TwiShite: Part One

[ImGoin2Boston]

:'D thank you. Thank you so much

[Lizi1243]

I think I love you. You like Joss Whedon, you hate Twishit, and you have a kick-ass accent.

[RaspberryPrincess15]

Funny!! i love ur accent, r u Aussie or Kiwi?

[TheBunnybeater]

@RaspberryPrincess15 Part Kiwi, part Irish. Moved back and forth between the two places quite a lot.

[RummanTheGoat]

HAHAHAHAHAHA THIS IS AMAZING, MAN! Edward is a tick! xD

[Dirtcreature]

BunnyBeater...I don't know if you've heard of them, but there's a series of table top roleplay games from a company called White Wolf, and there are games called Vampire the Masquerade, Werewolf the Apocalypse, etc.

We know that people like to put their own twist on a genre, but according to these games (based on the Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice), there IS a race of creatures who are immortal, have beautiful perfect faces, and sparkle in the sunlight...

They're called Fairies.

[tadge72]

you are pretty funny mate. not hearing the irish accent, tbh but lots of NZ! fush!

[Angryification]

You are too cool!

[drumlip]

Actually I think a pool of expired milk could write sometihng better than Twilight.

[PureDreamerGirl]

I completely agree with you, I just don't see the appeal to the phenomena that is Twilight- it is an abomination in comparison to true literature!

P.S.- You are extremely funny, I enjoyed watching this vid!

[CocoPopKiller]

Twishite is an actual book....i found it in a book shop and now i own it :D. I am serious

[OuttaEgypt]

You know, it's interesting that you bring up Spuffy because I read something about how Buffy fans/Twilight haters are hypocrites for hating on stalker Edward. According to the person who wrote the article, Joss Whedon's vamps started the whole emo-stalker thing. But it's a ludicrous comparison. Whedon's vamps however stalker-ish they acted, actually had redeeming qualities, and both Angel & Spike were highly complex characters. Edward's just omg so gorgeous & sparkly! He has no dimension.

[METALTYRANT595]

He is too Right

[sgtsquishy]

the 7 thumbs down are twitards

[gguilford72]

This really started to bother me... Chagrin is actually pronounced Shuh Grin

[Lovinggirlhood]

LOL "and all literary qualifications of expired milk"  that's bloody hilarious! YOu deserve a medal . Oh, btw this is the actual ending of a chapter in twilight:

"he walked back the way we'd come"

What the helll!?!?!?

Oh, and this:

"I caught my myself whistling"

How the bloody hell do you do that?

"whistles* Oh crap! I'm whistling.

[jpalongo]

Meyer goes on for four (very long) books about how amazingly gorgeous Edward is...

without ever describing him physically. Interesting

[MsRachFace]

I love Twilight, but this is pretty much the funniest thing I've ever seen bahahaha

[ConanofItelligia20]

great set up with buffy!

[MissMELS17]

stereo type / stereotype lol I ♥ the pun.

[EffyPattinsonx]

lmfao, i love twilight but you made me lol :)

I too - love your accent, and you have lovely eyes :).

BUT seriously.

You seem to be very passionate about your hate for Twilight...

It's just a book, get over yourself :')

xx

[ItsAMetal]

twilight is for mentally retarded, jewish, mexican, rosie o donald fans with a sexual disorder

[Freenckydaps]

@ItsAMetal You are retarted ass. Bitch.

[SexyBabeKaegami]

You're awesome, you should do more of these :P

[generalcloud85]

for the first twenty five seconds... I swear, if it wasn't for the use of the word vampire, I would've sworn you were talking about romeo and juliet.

stephanie meyer: unoriginal, and uncreative.

paper thin characters and plot...

[DeliaMariaCrosby]

the first part is a correction the second part of this comment is kudos so read it all please.

technically the book only has 498 pages i know this because it's my luch number at school so the first four hundred pages aren't strictly stare into each others eyes nastiness. it's the first 375 pages and yes i had to look that up.

second I love the fact that you mentioned the fact that he isn't a vampire because it's true. nice Job. Prince of glitter Love it. Ha ha I laughed for days.

[blitzX07]

Yes thank you god I fucking hate twilight.

[usikkert]

Thank you for expressing the view of Twilight of the people who is not a girl or sexually confused boy between the ages of 8 to 16.

[izzardish19]

To be fair, I am a girl and I detest this stupid book. Thanks for the video!

[usikkert]

I am also a girl, and I hate it too.

[thisiamdenied]

You are my hero.

[Hypathetic]

I worked at Barnes and Noble for the releases of these books. There were parties with face-painting and candy hearts to begin. These were visited mostly by girls aged 12-16.

Cut to three years later, where I am lifting my single, middle-aged paedophilic reptile of a neighbor's neck-rolls to dab on some fake blood in the shape of bite-marks.

Purer hatred hasn't been felt by the likes of man.

Mr. O'Carolan, it's time you and I were friends, I think.

[Hypathetic]

By the by,

am I the only one that feels that these books are a (pathetically) thinly veiled parable about Mormon values?

Alright. That's my bit.

--Erica

[LordXenocide]

that... was the single greatest insult to meyer i have ever heard!

[Zuluglue]

This is so awesome, there are no words that can do the awesomeness of this rant justice.

[Rachael1918]

I LOVE this. Thank-you for expressing my feelings with such foaming-at-the-mouth rage, the world needed it.

[Zombiton]

Thank you. Thank you very much.

The thing I hate the most about Twilight is that it gives so much money to the Mormon church, but being shoddily written and terrible characters lacking personality certainly do not help.

Fucking hate Stephenie Meyer. I'm sorry you wasted time reading it.

[MegziiBaybii2910]

haha ilovethis (: so funny but i love twilight, love the name though, and your accent (: x

[xmisshollyvictoriax]

I love twilight, but this is totally funny =) & I love your accent, where do you come from??

[TheBunnybeater]

Spent my early life shuttling between Ireland and New Zealand. Hence the unusual hybrid accent.

Nice to hear you liked it!

[xmisshollyvictoriax]

@TheBunnybeater Oh cool, I've always wanted go New Zealand.

I hate when most twilight fans go bonkers when you say something bad about twilight, I should really, but i find twilight-hating stuff odlly funny =P

[OMNOMMOUSE]

Ilu. :|

[koflan]

@TheBunnybeater I think that as a young guy with a foreign accent, you've successfully endeared yourself to Twilight fans who have braved this lil video. A savvy move.

[Merstar12]

Best.Rant.Ever

[o00AshaXsan00o]

you are the best xD

[AxelvrsRoxas]

hahaha LOVE YOUR VIDEO!!! LUV IT LUV IT LUV IT!!! XD It made me laugh soo hard hahahahaha

[jean815]

Twilight can be described as Edward being hot, Bella being easily distracted by - Oooh! Shiny! and.. Edward being hot. And now, you have read all four books. You're welcome.

I love this!

[wArtWig]

this is hilarious

[SoundGeek334]

this is a very well thought out rant. Well done. Only problem.... yes it is pronounced 'sha-grin'

[AllyLikesEggsh]

This book is crap, I loved this rant, but it's pronounced "sha-grin".

[StriderAnarchy99]

When he said "sparkles" I just about died.

[lunarwench]

I want you to know I'm in love with you. *applause*

[jasonisrobin234]

...You sir, just earn yourself a crowing moment of awesome AND a crowing moment of funny.

This troper will now cry manly tears.

[RustedHatter]

this is brilliant! Hahaha, 'dreamy and thicky staring at each other' I laughed so hard. Twilight's popularity made me so sad for my generation, how could anyone think that poorly written crap is anything but that?

[Kater2]

No, there isn't a plot...

It's an awful concept, and the entire thing sounds like a weird-ass fantasy that a lonely horny middle-aged hag had, and the lack of emotional maturity that is celebrated shocks me!

I do not care to read poorly written crackpot stories about ripping into uteruses, or characters that are so completely f*cked that sparkly refrigerated dildos, as well as a felt recreation of Bella's womb with a freaky demon-baby inside, are SERIOUSLY on the market, for sale!!! WTF?!

[TheBunnybeater]

Lucy, I get where you're coming from, but this is a comedy channel. The reason I made this video wasn't because I have a passionate hatred for Twilight and want to see it burn, it's because Twilight is a rich font of material and I couldn't pass up such a topic.

[ChuckPalahniukFan]

You're right about the constant mention Edward's handsome physical features, but you forgot to call him an "Adonis." Other then that, I loved your description of the Twilight writing style. LOL, I didn't even notice the "chagrin" thing before I saw this video. Funny! I hope part 2 is just as good.

[hectorlowe]

I can't tell where you're from. You sound American, but some of your words are oddly tainted, as if you're trying to pull an English accent.

That said, I wholeheartedly agree with everything you've said in this video. They're marketing glittery, ice-cold dildos to mimic Cullen's vampiric member.

I weep for the future.

Incidentally, if you were doing a faux English accent, please don't. Nothing personal, but it makes us Englishmen cringe.

[TheBunnybeater]

Mmm. "The Vamp". Bloody terrifying, that.

My accent is the result of spending my early life shuttling between Ireland and New Zealand, which is why it's a bit hard to place. I did watch lots of British comedy from an early age, so that may also creep in unwittingly. Me attempting to pull off a faux British accent sounds like some horrific Cockney crowbar-to-the-head trainwreck of a inflection.

[Arthurmax180]

thought it was new Zealand and i can tell you like british comed y let me guess

charlie brooker

black books

maybe spaced

or peep show

[metamprphous]

i loved this...i love the accent btw, but well, i feel so good when that retard meyer gets dissed....that book is a pervert's book, in which the alter ego of the author explores the taboo territories of incest, masochism, and...much more..but i will avoid talking about it...she must seek a shrink soon...

[thedeucemancometh]

lol. chagrin

[SatanicVampireCorpse]

So true.

[BlyndeSpot]

Incredible, you remind me of yahtzee from zero punctuation.

[Thiefree]

Absolutely. Twilight is Buffy if feminism never happened. It's insipid, uninspired, and derivative - and the only reason I know all this is because I have to study it for my university course.

Seriously.

[emmaroh]

As an example of what never to read or write? Or the point in which literature died?

[Thiefree]

A lite of both ;) We're studying the evolution of the Vampire in literature. I'll summarise for you: they get gayer and crapper in every incarnation. True proven fact. Except for Buffy which is awesome.

[rinnix1]

On the bright side, you'll better appreciate books that don't constantly insult and demean your intelligence. (Then again, even that probably wasn't worth it)

[Thiefree]

Honestly though, I'm concerned for the girls who grow up reading this stuff. Y'know you can buy sparkly pale cold vibrators? ... I'm not even kidding about that. I wish I was.

[rinnix1]

If there is enough people within the world population that would allow those to sell, then humanity no longer deserves to remain as the dominant species on Earth, and I'm going to hang myself.

But seriously, I really have no idea how to reply to that.

[darknipple]

man i love you (no homo).

[renkurasaki]

I believe I love you for this. Marry me? (Just kidding.)

[CrocsRockMySocks]

Hahaaa amazing. Twilight is evil. And unrelated, I love your accent.

[Wanda4242]

I love the "lil Eddy" tick.

[summer07081982]

amusing :)

[PrincessSylvie]

The Prince of Glitter! Sounds much, much cooler than it actually is.

Your fury gives me hope.

[FoxLady2]

All I hear is CHAGRIN CHAGRIN CHAGRIN.... XD

[maladroitmortal]

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

[Sairin13]

The story of a Vampire who falls for a plain girl whose mind he can't read. Sure I love that book. It's called Carpe Jugulum, Huh? Stephanie who? Twi-What? Never heard of it.

[tipcdragon]

Terry Pratchett FTW

[SarahGaafar]

You are a genius.

[SatanicVampireCorpse]

The only unrelenting horror you can compare Stephenie Meyer to is herself. Calling her a Schizophrenic offends me, Schizophrenics are awesome

[thecloakedschemer]

Hahaa, this was pure brilliance. xD

[kingsalmon101]

Cracked :]

[TonyHighwind]

Preach it, brother, preach it.

[gmcall1992]

I didn't even have to watch all of this before I loved this video. Clearly I hated the books and the movie to such a point and even worse most likely the fans in my high school, while for Dracula...as some one will tell you being the first pure Vampire gives you the power into the sun, if you recall his brides couldn't be in the sun while he could

[caedesleighton]

Stephanie Meyer clearly has a girl-boner for fantasy creatures. I can imagine her next book being about Bella falling in love with an orc or a fucking dragon.

She should make up her own creatures rather than butchering vampire lore... Sparkling in the sunlight... fuck you.

[Kater2]

I agree completely! It seems like Meyer is totally off her rocker, and has effectively butchered what real writers like Anne Rice have established.

[burnyourfriendsx]

I seriously suggest you borrow Stephanie Meyer's thesaurus & look up a different word for chagrin.

[5440Borderline]

Thank you, Cracked, for pointing me to this video. It rocks.

I think Twilight is the worst excuse for a "book" that I've ever seen.

[Thunderpants121]

Well, I'll bet there's some people in the world who are terrified by sparkles.

[busterggi1]

Thanks to Cracked for sending me here!

[Foible237]

lol, I like this guy. Thank you Cracked.

[yesbutnotthat]

this? was awesome. I can't even even begin to tell how much I agree with 100% of what you said here and on cracked! twilight is so incredibly stupid, I couldn't find the words to express it. but you did.

[tekkaoz]

eww a Buffy/Spike fan? lol sorry, just had too, I was always more of an Angel/Buffy fan, but even at it's twisted-building-destroying-ki­nky-sex worst, Spuffy still had substance.

Unfortunately about the only real thing one can get out of Twilight is slightly over priced toilet paper

[gorboy]

I agree with your opinion on Twilight. In the books' defense, however, classic vampires really weren't harmed by sunlight. The original Dracula, for example, could walk perfectly in the sunlight. It's the stripper-glitter in Twilight that makes me burst in laughter.

[Chirios1]

@gorboy True, but I think that was because Dracula was an uber-vampire. If I remember correctly, the women Drac turned into vampires couldn't walk through light.

[smashbrawl1234]

agreed lol

[guywistuba]

wtf up with ur accent!!!!!!!!!

[mightyguard]

Good stuff, did you read the LDS Sparkledammerung IS HERE! bit?

[Stingfan200010]

the movie sucks its way to overated

[TheBunnybeater]

"Do what I did just see twilight the movie and then read New Moon."

Sorry if I've misinterpreted this comment, but are you saying that you haven't READ the book you're vigorously defending?

Now, this was only an attack on the first book, Twilight, not the series, so my opinion was not influenced by the others. Having said that, I have read all the sequels since making this video, and guess what?

THEY'RE STILL SHIT. I STAND BY EVERYTHING I SAID.

[TheBunnybeater]

While I'm at it - this video was not me having nothing better to do than trash "the good name" *chuckle* of books like Twilight. This was simply a comedy video - one in a series of them - for which I chose Twilight as the subject.

Call my comedy endeavours a waste of time if you like, but I'm spending it having fun and making people laugh, which is more than can be said for you and your little tantrum.

Okay, pumpkin?

[TheBunnybeater]

"But I am free to voice my opinion if i want to!!!!"

Um...yes, you are. Nobody's trying to stop you. I'm not entirely sure why you're bringing this up. I hope you're not implying that I'm trying to stop you. I'm actually quite enjoying listening to you. Please continue. It amuses me.

"I COULDN'T CARE LESS!"

The evidence would seem to suggest otherwise ;-)

[Stingfan200010]

shut up

[MawiaMischief]

You sir

ARE A LEGEND :')

[manmanpantsman]

Aw man, you said everything I was going to

[filettijt]

He bursts into....sparkles.....LMfAFO

[black5kitty]

Love the intro about Buffy and Spike. I love them too! Ur doin Bram Stroker proud!

[justanotherfrog]

That was awesome. You pretty much summed up all my thoughts about this terrible sereis

[dillj34555]

As far as I'm concerned, anyone who writes a story about vampires should read "Dracula" by Bram Stoker. That is, for all intents purposes, the original vampire story

[xXxKottonxKandyxXx]

You...are... amazing. Stephanie is the worst author ever. VAMPIRES AREN'T SPARKLEY!

[carnivalkiss]

dude, youre a god

[lonewolfsis04]

this is so fucking amazing <3

[Itachiko]

I....love you.

jk, you're awesome dude, oh my god.

[stupidLAMB945]

very very nice. i remember the better times when real vampires (such as spike) combusted when in sunlight rather than sparkling

[GibsonDreamer]

Dude, you're awesome.

Actually, you kinda remind me of the Nostalgia Critic.

[Juiceman278]

How dare you talk shit about Twilight. It's a god damn good book. I hope you burn. lol, j/k. Awesome vid. You just got yourself a new subscriber.

please don't take my comment to serious.

[pokemollie]

do you speak human?

[VividElapid]

haha lol He burst into ...... SSPPAARRKKLES ahhh scaryy lol it is creepy she thought of someone half he fuckin age

She HAD to make a movie lol your hillarious maute haha i make videos of me and my twin sister were fraternal twins shes stupider im the cute blonde one lol but hell yea your so funny

[JonnotheHedgehog]

This just made me think of a new joke;

What do you get when you cross a wet dream with a thesaurus?

Twilight.

[Phoenixangelgal]

... Marry me. LOL

THANK YOU!!! Twilight is crap.

[machinimafan77]

lol, all the girls in my class fuckin' love twishite.

i wonder why?

awesome video mate.

[yaoiloveranimegirl]

omfg lol XD i almost died laughing

[MrVersipellis]

I hate Twighlight so much. It's killed the idea of vampires as blood-sucking rapists. FUCK!!!!

[tbmsnake]

"To the hardcore Twilight fans who throw acid in "Twilight haters" eyes and then repeatedly stab them (really, it's happened): Get a grip."

WTF!!!

[TheBunnybeater]

Really.

[lofotkillern]

twishit rocks

[bibbobboo]

HIGH FIVE!!! omg killing myself laughing im gonna watch part 2 now....

[aikoarisaka420]

I applaud you man. I really do. Stephanie Meyer can't write for shit. I could feel my IQ drop the more I read it.

[Jeffeezy23]

You got it all right mate! Gotta love this vid , good going mate

[amyrat151]

I'm a straight woman, and yeah, Eliza is hot.

I'm not much for Spike and Buffy, and I'll be a B/A shipper till I can't find my teeth anymore, but, but Spike and Buffy is still miles above Bella and Edward.

[TheBunnybeater]

Hm. I see where you're coming from - they definitely were a more, say, emotionally involved couple, Angel and Buffy. I think I just didn't like how they got started.

"Buffy and Angel meet for the first time. They barely talk at all. Oh, wait, now they're in love. Cool."

Felt a bit thin on the ground for me, personally. But so long as we are united against the Meyerpires, that's all that really matters.

[1RHero]

yeah I always thought that Eddy should never have been classified as a "Vampire"

it makes NO sense

sweet Vid Ryan...Awesome!

[Glugg2]

Agreed! well said.

[LyeLye]

I like twilight I was stuck up in my room for weeks reading it because it was so good, specially when edward leaves her, it really gets good at the werewolves. But I also like this video, is that a bit strange???

[Zippomatt4]

twilight saga great! twilight book....not so much thats the problem

[LyeLye]

I think the books are better, i have an imagination. oooo Its just like watching a movie in my mind, and i dont pay attention to flaws such as misspellings. Everyone has different taste though so i dont let everyone who hates twilight get to me, as you can tell from all the mean comments that have been posted on my profile. lol.

[Zippomatt4]

yea I know what you mean. thats exactly how I read. I personally think all those twi-hards how go round screaming how its the best book ever and how dare you say you hate it are giving the rest of s a bad name which makes this worse

[lahunnybee]

Bravo! This needs to be aired in the theater just before "New Moon" makes it Feature Presentation.

[SVEvenstar]

Oh God, absolutely brilliant. This is EXACTLY what went through my mind after I read that sad excuse for a book. Your presentation of these views is absolutely hilarious! Great work. Going on to part II. :-)

[yeehaw1126]

oh la la!

and i thought EVERYONE loved twlight!

thank you, for putting this vid up

made me realize i'm not the only one!

[889654]

No not EVERYONE loves Twilight

The community of Antis is not as spoken as the Fans but we DO exist!

[BlueSaphireGirl]

Ah, been a while since I watched this. Yup, I feel better now, thank you :) No, not because I hate Twilight that much, but because I enjoy good parodies and the way you make fun of Edward the Tick Fairy.

[1RHero]

#1 Way to Piss Off ANY Twilight Fanatic...Call him Eddie

[Motorkruks24]

Cool!,i love this part,exellent,jaja! ☺ 5*****

[whiteoutittt]

Hahaha. I love twilight but this is hilarious!!!

And it is so true! She has all the words that she probably doesn't even know what they mean!!!

Also she doesn't tell what his personality is! "He is pretty and sparkley" that's what she could have said....

[SlayerOfAmista]

-Shakes my head, tears falling from my eyes-

Beautiful... BEAUTIFUL! -claps-

Clap for this genius! Applause!

[maat369]

this. is. fabulous.

[BakaBozu78]

Oh my God, this man is a psychic, because he can read my mind. D: I hate Twilight so fuckin' much. And BtVS is awesome. Apparently I'm the only girl in my school who thinks this.

[NKathy123]

have u read it b4?your a guy so u r suppose to not like it

[petpie2]

Uh, no being a guy has nothing to do with it. The fact that he can read is the reason he hates it.

[Grimoire93]

Nice petpie2.:]

[samgamgeeisbrilliant]

My sentiments exactly!

[izayoi2006]

You win 10000x internets.

[BearGirl26]

Best Twi-rant ever!

[tint]

I felt like standing up and clapping after watching this. Bravo.

[BlueSaphireGirl]

Watching this is actually quite enjoyable. Thanks, you're displaying a great sense of humour and I had a laugh ^^

[thebadthingunder]

EPIC WIN!

[Reyairia]

EPIC.

I love you and your sense of humor!

[GreenKore]

YES. WHY DO YOU KNOW ALL OF MY OPINIONS.

Thank you, by the way.

[787Bisurdaddy]

Eliza Dushku! Mmmmmmm... 5 stars.

[doyouwantbanana]

fuck twilight !!!!!!!!!!

[DieDisneyChannel]

Great fucking video. GLITTER = PURE EVIL!!

5/5

[Kelpieinlove]

glitter = pure evil

stay away from glitter,kids

[Littlelindarose]

xDDD!

I FRIGGIN' LOVE YOU!

[cbfcrew4life]

rofl dude good stuff

[shadowfoxx15]

*applause*

*applause for the wonderful stick drawings* =3

Ecookies for you! XD

[SweetChildOHis]

You fucking rock.

Thank you.

[caffinejedi]

This is fucking great. 5 stars

D could pwn Edward Cullen.