Very qood job!! I've wanted to kill myself for just a few months. I tried.. None have succeeded.. So I cut instead.. The pain is jus' to much to handle.. Jus'.. I wish I could jus' die now...
@ROSESANDSTARZ I'm so sorry that you are hurting. Are you seeing anyone to help you with the pain and suicide attempts? If you don't please seek some help... there are hotlines which can help get you through the moment, and get you in contact with someone. You can also see your doctor, as they can refer you to someone, if needed.
@castorgirl No.. Well.. If you consider my ex helpinq yeah.. I'm fine.. Cuttinq ann' wrininq poems always helps me... At least helps me cope.. Thank you thouqh..
mpd is not a disorder in my opinion, I council many with mpd or DID, and many that came out of ritualistic abuse and have spiritual issue from that also. All DID is, is a defense mechanism of the mind to be able to isolate trauma and keep it away from the core person until, each part (alter) that holds trauma can deal with what happened, then the alter deals with the trauma then merges back with the core person again,
@mrcooldude964 DID is a disorder when the old coping mechanisms make living in the present difficult. DID is the result of trauma occurring before the personality was cohesively formed, so there is no "core person", as that core never had a chance to form. While some people with DID experienced ritualistic and/or spiritual abuse, I'm not comfortable with saying that many did - I didn't. I think any abuse could be considered spiritual betrayal, depending on your definitions.
@castorgirlthe hello, reason for alters is so the core can continue to grow and develop , the bad that happens to one is held by the alters so it does not affect the core persons development and growth, the core person is the actual age the body is, but the alters are the age they were when they were created, if severe trauma happened at age 4 then there will be a 4 year old alter that hasn’t developed since 4, alters don’t grow from the age they were created, but the core continues to grow,
@mrcooldude964 I suggest that you read some human development books, as what you are saying is contrary to what is known about how a persons personality is formed. I also suggest that you read some modern trauma and dissociation texts, as what you are suggesting is not in keeping with what is known.
@castorgirlFor every alter created there is a piece of the core that is missing from the core. Meaning many dates and times are not remembered. Also the core will lose track of time a lot and do things the core person don’t remember doing because the alters come out, the core has a hard time because the core person is not in full control. it can be a lot of trauma on the core person. I don’t disagree with that. But the core still is as old as the body and still grows and learns unlike alters
@mrcooldude964 what you are saying, is based on the premise that someone is born with their personality formed, but this is not the case. Your personality is formed during our early years, which is why it is early trauma which influences the dissociative coping, and is usually cohesive by age 6-8. Someone with DID didn't form a cohesive identity. Depending on the severity of the dissociative coping, then compartmentalisation of the identity occurs, and memory loss is one of the results.
@mrcooldude964 I, for one, don't have a "core" part, let alone a part which is the age of my physical body. I have young ones that attended my university courses, so parts are more than capable of learning - part of the healing process is learning new ways of being for those aspects; so learning is not only possible, but a requirement in the healing process of integration, or co-operation.
you are never alone, never. Allah swt is with you always, for sure he loves you so much and so do i. life is to live not to take. there are so many people who you can help if you live on. may Allah swt give you love and peace in your life sweetie, fill your heart with joy and peace and happness. lots of love from me to you.
I want to RUN and HIDE NOW, I wish I STILL fit under my bed or in the corner of the closet! I still have those same LOST feelings' sometimes' - only I WANT to GET lost and never return to my physical home, just up and leave - forever....
closing my eyes,clenching my fists,pretending to be somewhere else, got my threw 6th grade. showing scars from people at school. clenching got me threw the punching and stabbing and shanking. i tryed to get help but nobody understood. but i knew someone loved me and that got me threw 1 suicide attempt.i have scars of pain and sadness. abuse from people and no love. i wished to be gone for good. but now i got threw it and now i have a loving friend.
this made me cry so much! i've suffered through 3 failed suicide attempts and I self harm on a daily basis. I have bipolar disorder and bulimia. This video has given me a form of motivation to keep trying to overcome my mental illnesses even if they cannot be cured fully. thankyou xxx
@06carys1 I'm sorry that you are in so much pain... I'm glad that my video helped in some way. I'm glad you were able to cry - crying can be so cleansing and healing.
It takes courage to walk and stand in a situation like this castorgirl! I don't know how you were abused, however I was deeply abused by a babysitter as a small child - totally know how it feels to try to hurt yourself. It was hard not to love others yet to love them as well. I am finally walking out of my dissociation anmensia and remembering the past . . . and have proof - you can stand - took me so long to realize I could be the girl that I was - which took one step at a time.
Wow, great video. I wish I could give all abuse victims a hug, but that in itself is a trigger (for me at least)...can't help others, can't help myself, leads to hopelessness. Your video, like counseling, helps bring the pain to the surface, where it might be healed...thank you.
And always remember the innocence; it is still there, just tucked away somewhere...safe.
I ask you please-give life a chance....its the best defense you have....and you are worth everything...I promise you...and remember please be kind to yourself and take one day at a time.
Try hard to press forward...and let your innocence grow...into a beautiful person...
May your journey be one of grace...may you always have a sound hope...
I thank you for sharing...you are a very brave human...
The haunting memories are always there,as a victim I try my hardest to not let my past destroy me,some days are harder than others.Thank you for your video
Check out PolarB36's videos. Her past is not different - and her journey continues in healing. An inspiration.
When confronted with the same choice - I chose Life. I didn't want to die - I wanted to LIVE!!! And then I saw that I would not give 'them' the satisfaction of leaving. I chose to work through this. They lost - I won - even though I am still working through crap, I am rising like the phoenix from the ashes. I pray to God that you are, too. Let strength hold you dear one. Help us, too.
If a puppy is kicked ( I know ..terrible , just a comparison) and it grows up and hides , is fearful and might even bite... thats normal and understood. But when a little girl is abused ALOT, and grows up ...... shes "weird" I dont know normal... I didnt ask for this ...weirdness. No one understands... or cares. I'm a product of what some old pervert did and that clouds my true self from others. Life can really suck...
@oranges1214 I don't think anyone can "get over it" easily. I know some people can, but there are many more who can't. I hope you get the support and understanding you need.
on the right of the screen there are 20 videos of poeple who feel alone, but if all 20 get together they can see each other and chase that loneliness away
@opielicker96 I suppose you could call it poetry. The text through the clip is something that I wrote to tell my story, some would probably call it poetry, I'm not sure.
to that time, i didnt have an yt account so i could never comment on it, but since it left such big impact on my heart, i still remember now.the song is just so beautiful.
but its a sad reality, that we are facing in this video...
...i just wish for those things to come to an end. how can someone ever do something like this to her OWN child?
It's me again. I'm trying to find some of the pictures you use on this video but can't seem to have any luck. Also, I would be honored if you would allow me to use your poem on the video for my presentation Wednesday, but will respect your decision if you say no.
Anything to increase positive awareness about abuse and the dissociative disorders has got be good, so please use the poem. I just ask that you give credit to our YouTube username when doing so.
Most of the images came for Getty Images, with some from istock as well.
Thank you! You are an amazing lady. I will have to ask my teenage son though about how to give credit to my YouTube username cuz I'm an idiot when it comes to things like this. I had to figure out how to set up an account just to be able to email you! :-) Monique
I am doing a research project on DID and came across your video. You did a beautiful job & I love the poem that goes with the video. It is nice to see someone use something negative to help your viewers going through the same thing. I commend you.
I'm not sure. Some people don't understand; some get scared that they know people want to hurt themselves; for some it makes them uncomfortable; for those that care about you, they sometimes feel helpless as they don't know how to make the pain go away.
@FireflyFanatic3 yes they do they...dont look at us for who we are they look at us because were in pain and they just walk past us they dont see how were dieing inside
@FireflyFanatic3 - ? ive never heard of someone been judged befcause of self harm... if thats what you mean - i wouldnt personally judge anyone whos ever self harmed... although i can totally imagine some ignorant people being like that
You did a great job on this video; I have wanted to escape many times. I have kept so many secrets that i literally think it is killing me at times. I have a destructive part that is the strongest part i suppose. but i have done things and didn't remember; even injuring myself and waking up the next day and wondering how the hell did this happen.
I know exactly how it feels. I´m 21 now and I´m still not able to talk about it. I have some serious emotional problems, including anxiety, bipolar and SI. people just dont realise that such experiences can destroy someone forever.
i know how it feels to just want to exscape the pain and just give it all to god. but i have gone through 2 years of councing and been to two hospitals and met a lot of encouraging people and though i felt like i wanted to die even MORE through the process i have almost made it though and will hopefuly be done with it soon
wow this is a very powerful video and I completely understand the pain of such things . I KNOW TOO. I am sorry for your pain, this video is so great the way it describes the little girl, it made me cry because you hit the nail on the head. GOOD JOB!
It can be really confusing when the different alters come forward. Being a dissociative, I can't imagine how hard it must be for the people who care about us to see us switching.
Just please remember that your mom loves you...
Thank you for trying to understand your mom more...
Really excellent video! You have some very artistic sides of you! I'm curious, have you tried Dialectical Behavioral Therapy at all? If so, what did you think of it?
No I haven't tried DBT. Over here you must have Borderline Personality Disorder to go on the course, and I don't meet the criteria for BPD. I have heard that some people get quite a bit from DBT though.
Amazing video Castorgirl. Powerful and thought provoking. One thing I wanted to say is I understand because I was there too and now I live in peace and tranquility. It is possible and sooo worth it so please don't ever give up. Keep moving forward even when it is just by baby steps. It isn't easy working through the pain but it is so worth it to be free now and living in joy.--- Keep expressing yourself and moving forward. ~ Hugs, PolarB ;)
This is a beautiful video. Thank you for sharing!!
I've been in therapy for 5 yrs & been living with Complex PTSD & Maj. Depression. I've been dissociating a lot. My SW referred me to a PhD for an eval of DID. We knew I had experienced multiple symptoms.
I did some diagnostic testing last week & had my interview with the PhD today. She shared the results & graphs with me & made the official diagnosis of PTSD & DID. I am scared, yet kind of relieved too. I thought I was losing it.
Getting the right diagnosis can help so much. It means you know what you're dealing with and can help to explain why things happen. I hope you get some good help with your healing...
This is a beautiful video and the song is so perfect. I urge everyone watching this video to seek out love in your life. Not sex or relationsihps but real love. It is the only thing that can really heal us. Many times we seek out others who feel equally depressed or suicidal because it makes us feel at home but it can also perpetuate our own feelings of despair. Never forget, there is a life after abuse and after trauma. It is up to us to take hold of our lives and make something new out of it.
This is such an inspirational video. It sums up exactly how I feel and find it very comforting. Thank you for sharing your life - by doing so you help lessen the pain and aloneness of thers. Not many things can reach the heart but this one does.
We've found that sometimes expressing the pain and fears through YouTube has helped. It seems to help many people know they aren't alone with the struggles.
You did an amazing job with this video. I feel your pain and exhaustion and wondering if it is worth the fight to live. Unfortunately this is how it feels for all living with and healing from DID. Excellent portrayal of that internal battle. Wow to the photos you found of the children. Were any of them one of your childhood photos?
Hi, I love your video and the pictures would be perfect for my assingment. I went on the site gettyimages but could only find a few. I would like to know if possible what you typed in to find all of your pictures. If you could tell me that would be such a great help.Thanks. This video is so touching. Love it!
Sorry can't remember all of the search terms used to find the images. Some were found doing Google Image and iStockPhoto searches as well. Most were specific searches for that image - like "broken doll" "girls eyes shut" "man screaming" etc.
I've become a huge Brooke Fraser fan because of you and this video. She is actually coming to my town very soon and I'll be there. I hope this finds you well. And know that being turned on to a new artist is a great gift for me. Thank You.
She has a beautiful voice and her songs can be very soothing. Don't like crowds, so have never been to one of her concerts, but have heard they're good. Hope you enjoy it if you get to go along :)
Thanks, things are ok here. Start of a new semester which is always pretty hectic.
Thank you for making this video. It describes how I feel, perfectly. I am glad to know that their are people out there that are going through the same things as I am.
Thanks, but I'm not suffering from child abuse, but from depression and teasing (and sometimes verbal abuse) at school because I am a easy target and I have ADHD. And my relationship with my parents isn't the best either.
Sorry I wasn't meaning to jump to conclusions about your situation, but rather hoping that you can ask for help with what's happening for you. People identify with the clip for all sorts of different reasons :)
What you describe with the teasing shouldn't happen to anyone. It's wrong and you should be able to get help to stop it and to help you deal with it.
We're really glad you liked our film. It helped us understand some stuff and we're glad others out there could see parts of themselves in it too. We're sorry anyone feels like this, but hopefully we can all feel a little better knowing there are others struggling with this too and are willing to help each other.
Thanks, we keep on telling our collective selves that we wouldn't have been created if there wasn't the will to live. It just seems too much at times.
this is an amazing video and i can relate so much. thank you for sharing. I also have DID and struggle with the very same things. this is a powerful video. thank you for sharing it so so much.
Hi and thank you. We had no idea that this is how others felt too. It's both comforting that we're not alone, but incredibly sad that anyone feels this way at all.
Hi and thank you. I was worried about hurting or triggering people with the video which is why I chucked so many descriptors on it. I'm so sorry that this is your struggle too.
I was so moved by your video. I can identify with each part of it. I, too, have a diagnosis of DID, and struggle with hurting myself and suicidal ideation. Thank you for being so courageous.
Hi, you're being courageous telling that your DID too :) It always feels better to know we're not alone in struggling with these feelings, but I wish no one experienced it.
Your video moved me. I understand that feeling. Over time I have decided to protect the innocent ones and to embrace that sense of wonder. Hatred and evil cannot win. Love prevails. Thank you for sharing this video.
Hi and thank you :) Instinctively I want to protect the innocent ones and give them a chance to grow. But at times the pain in combination with the feelings of hopelessness and helplessness seem overwhelming. I agree hatred and evil can't win, so look for the small bits of hope each day.
Hi, thank you :) There was a huge conflict about putting this video on a public site, but thought that there might be others out there who could see some part of themselves in what I'm struggling with.
Faith and hope that things will get better is sometimes all that keeps us all going.
Very qood job!! I've wanted to kill myself for just a few months. I tried.. None have succeeded.. So I cut instead.. The pain is jus' to much to handle.. Jus'.. I wish I could jus' die now...
ROSESANDSTARZ 3 months ago
@ROSESANDSTARZ I'm so sorry that you are hurting. Are you seeing anyone to help you with the pain and suicide attempts? If you don't please seek some help... there are hotlines which can help get you through the moment, and get you in contact with someone. You can also see your doctor, as they can refer you to someone, if needed.
Please take care,
Sophie
castorgirl 3 months ago
@castorgirl No.. Well.. If you consider my ex helpinq yeah.. I'm fine.. Cuttinq ann' wrininq poems always helps me... At least helps me cope.. Thank you thouqh..
ROSESANDSTARZ 3 months ago
@ROSESANDSTARZ it is up to you what help you seek, but know that there are options for getting more help if you want and need it.
Take care,
CG
castorgirl 3 months ago
What is the name of this song
queenshaina101 3 months ago
@queenshaina101 the song is called "Scarlet" and is by Brooke Fraser.
Take care,
Sophie
castorgirl 3 months ago
mpd is not a disorder in my opinion, I council many with mpd or DID, and many that came out of ritualistic abuse and have spiritual issue from that also. All DID is, is a defense mechanism of the mind to be able to isolate trauma and keep it away from the core person until, each part (alter) that holds trauma can deal with what happened, then the alter deals with the trauma then merges back with the core person again,
mrcooldude964 4 months ago
@mrcooldude964 DID is a disorder when the old coping mechanisms make living in the present difficult. DID is the result of trauma occurring before the personality was cohesively formed, so there is no "core person", as that core never had a chance to form. While some people with DID experienced ritualistic and/or spiritual abuse, I'm not comfortable with saying that many did - I didn't. I think any abuse could be considered spiritual betrayal, depending on your definitions.
Take care,
Sophie
castorgirl 4 months ago
@castorgirlthe hello, reason for alters is so the core can continue to grow and develop , the bad that happens to one is held by the alters so it does not affect the core persons development and growth, the core person is the actual age the body is, but the alters are the age they were when they were created, if severe trauma happened at age 4 then there will be a 4 year old alter that hasn’t developed since 4, alters don’t grow from the age they were created, but the core continues to grow,
mrcooldude964 4 months ago
@mrcooldude964 I suggest that you read some human development books, as what you are saying is contrary to what is known about how a persons personality is formed. I also suggest that you read some modern trauma and dissociation texts, as what you are suggesting is not in keeping with what is known.
Take care,
Sophie
castorgirl 4 months ago
@castorgirlFor every alter created there is a piece of the core that is missing from the core. Meaning many dates and times are not remembered. Also the core will lose track of time a lot and do things the core person don’t remember doing because the alters come out, the core has a hard time because the core person is not in full control. it can be a lot of trauma on the core person. I don’t disagree with that. But the core still is as old as the body and still grows and learns unlike alters
mrcooldude964 4 months ago
@mrcooldude964 what you are saying, is based on the premise that someone is born with their personality formed, but this is not the case. Your personality is formed during our early years, which is why it is early trauma which influences the dissociative coping, and is usually cohesive by age 6-8. Someone with DID didn't form a cohesive identity. Depending on the severity of the dissociative coping, then compartmentalisation of the identity occurs, and memory loss is one of the results.
castorgirl 4 months ago
@mrcooldude964 I, for one, don't have a "core" part, let alone a part which is the age of my physical body. I have young ones that attended my university courses, so parts are more than capable of learning - part of the healing process is learning new ways of being for those aspects; so learning is not only possible, but a requirement in the healing process of integration, or co-operation.
Take care,
Sophie
castorgirl 4 months ago
you are never alone, never. Allah swt is with you always, for sure he loves you so much and so do i. life is to live not to take. there are so many people who you can help if you live on. may Allah swt give you love and peace in your life sweetie, fill your heart with joy and peace and happness. lots of love from me to you.
ParadiseOrHellFire 6 months ago
Thank you so much for this...it helpt♥
XoXo :*
Littleboazfly 6 months ago
@Littleboazfly I'm glad it helped...
Please take care,
Sophie
castorgirl 6 months ago
@castorgirl
Oh sorry for my typing mistake^-^
yeah i will^-^<3
wish you the best<3
Littleboazfly 6 months ago
@Littleboazfly there are far more important things to worry about, than a typo :)
castorgirl 6 months ago
I want to RUN and HIDE NOW, I wish I STILL fit under my bed or in the corner of the closet! I still have those same LOST feelings' sometimes' - only I WANT to GET lost and never return to my physical home, just up and leave - forever....
Searching4mIVOICE 7 months ago
@Searching4mIVOICE I'm so sorry you feel that way... I get like that too, and I'm not sure what stops me from following through...
Is there anything you can do to feel safer? Are you able to reach out and get help?
(((warm safe hugs)))
CG
castorgirl 7 months ago
good song!
munyhuny99 7 months ago
@BrookeTHaddict I'm sorry. Are you getting any help? Please reach out to those around you, there is help out there.
Please take care,
Sophie :)
castorgirl 7 months ago
closing my eyes,clenching my fists,pretending to be somewhere else, got my threw 6th grade. showing scars from people at school. clenching got me threw the punching and stabbing and shanking. i tryed to get help but nobody understood. but i knew someone loved me and that got me threw 1 suicide attempt.i have scars of pain and sadness. abuse from people and no love. i wished to be gone for good. but now i got threw it and now i have a loving friend.
theemopartygirl 7 months ago
this made me cry so much! i've suffered through 3 failed suicide attempts and I self harm on a daily basis. I have bipolar disorder and bulimia. This video has given me a form of motivation to keep trying to overcome my mental illnesses even if they cannot be cured fully. thankyou xxx
06carys1 8 months ago
@06carys1 I'm sorry that you are in so much pain... I'm glad that my video helped in some way. I'm glad you were able to cry - crying can be so cleansing and healing.
Please keep on trying.
Take care,
Sophie :)
castorgirl 8 months ago
It takes courage to walk and stand in a situation like this castorgirl! I don't know how you were abused, however I was deeply abused by a babysitter as a small child - totally know how it feels to try to hurt yourself. It was hard not to love others yet to love them as well. I am finally walking out of my dissociation anmensia and remembering the past . . . and have proof - you can stand - took me so long to realize I could be the girl that I was - which took one step at a time.
RainbowSkyHope 1 year ago
@RainbowSkyHope I'm glad you're working towards a better place for yourself... it's difficult work, but rewarding. One moment at a time...
Take care,
Sophie
castorgirl 1 year ago
Wow, great video. I wish I could give all abuse victims a hug, but that in itself is a trigger (for me at least)...can't help others, can't help myself, leads to hopelessness. Your video, like counseling, helps bring the pain to the surface, where it might be healed...thank you.
And always remember the innocence; it is still there, just tucked away somewhere...safe.
HappyDad98036 1 year ago 2
@HappyDad98036 thanks :)
I can't stand to be touched either... nothing personal, just the way it is.
I'm glad this video helped in some way...
Yes, there is always innocence. It is there, hidden from danger... safe... waiting to be free again.
Take care,
Sophie :)
castorgirl 1 year ago
Thank you for sharing this.....
afterliferejects 1 year ago
I ask you please-give life a chance....its the best defense you have....and you are worth everything...I promise you...and remember please be kind to yourself and take one day at a time.
Try hard to press forward...and let your innocence grow...into a beautiful person...
May your journey be one of grace...may you always have a sound hope...
I thank you for sharing...you are a very brave human...
TheMrSimplexity 1 year ago
The haunting memories are always there,as a victim I try my hardest to not let my past destroy me,some days are harder than others.Thank you for your video
wesslori 1 year ago
@wesslori I'm glad it helped in some way...
Take care,
Sophie :)
castorgirl 1 year ago
Check out PolarB36's videos. Her past is not different - and her journey continues in healing. An inspiration.
When confronted with the same choice - I chose Life. I didn't want to die - I wanted to LIVE!!! And then I saw that I would not give 'them' the satisfaction of leaving. I chose to work through this. They lost - I won - even though I am still working through crap, I am rising like the phoenix from the ashes. I pray to God that you are, too. Let strength hold you dear one. Help us, too.
wingsong1 1 year ago
If a puppy is kicked ( I know ..terrible , just a comparison) and it grows up and hides , is fearful and might even bite... thats normal and understood. But when a little girl is abused ALOT, and grows up ...... shes "weird" I dont know normal... I didnt ask for this ...weirdness. No one understands... or cares. I'm a product of what some old pervert did and that clouds my true self from others. Life can really suck...
oranges1214 1 year ago
i am shazi...and this is my story too
it's shocking to know there are so many of us
shazam520 1 year ago
@shazam520 looking at the child abuse figures for any country is shocking...
castorgirl 1 year ago
No one understands what its like, " can't you just get over it"... no one knows ..unless they've been there too:(
oranges1214 1 year ago
@oranges1214 I don't think anyone can "get over it" easily. I know some people can, but there are many more who can't. I hope you get the support and understanding you need.
Take care,
M
castorgirl 1 year ago
The song is beautiful:)
TashaRichardsonFan 1 year ago
I cry at this song ..
so many feelings come up again
the tears running down my cheek ..
oOo2008oOo 1 year ago
on the right of the screen there are 20 videos of poeple who feel alone, but if all 20 get together they can see each other and chase that loneliness away
TheGing25 1 year ago
Is this some kind of poetry?
opielicker96 1 year ago
@opielicker96 I suppose you could call it poetry. The text through the clip is something that I wrote to tell my story, some would probably call it poetry, I'm not sure.
Take care,
Sophie :)
castorgirl 1 year ago
Thank you so much for profoundly putting into words how i feel. It helps.
fbvamp 1 year ago
This video is good; very sad to say the least. I like the song too. gone for good..so very true.
skittles835 1 year ago
...i have seen this vid a long time ago.
to that time, i didnt have an yt account so i could never comment on it, but since it left such big impact on my heart, i still remember now.the song is just so beautiful.
but its a sad reality, that we are facing in this video...
...i just wish for those things to come to an end. how can someone ever do something like this to her OWN child?
i can't understand them at all..
i always try, but i can't..
TeNaCiousBraT 1 year ago
I don't know how anyone could hurt a child... but it happens all too often. I don't think it's something that can ever be really understood.
Take care...
castorgirl 1 year ago
Yup, thank you.
Please take care as well..
...Maybe it is even for our own good that we can't understand this kind of thing...
Still, no one deserves to be treatened that way.
TeNaCiousBraT 1 year ago
wow... it describes my life
Hanon2Anime 1 year ago
who is the song by???? i really want to learn it, please
blackrosefallen272 2 years ago
Hi,
It's called Scarlet and is by Brooke Fraser, a New Zealand singer/songwriter.
Take care,
Sophie :)
castorgirl 2 years ago
I love this video. i too have DID
thepeoplearecrazy101 2 years ago
never let them win.
What an incredible video. Thank you for making it and sharing it.
sidian3 2 years ago 2
It's me again. I'm trying to find some of the pictures you use on this video but can't seem to have any luck. Also, I would be honored if you would allow me to use your poem on the video for my presentation Wednesday, but will respect your decision if you say no.
TheMoRoybal 2 years ago
Hi,
Anything to increase positive awareness about abuse and the dissociative disorders has got be good, so please use the poem. I just ask that you give credit to our YouTube username when doing so.
Most of the images came for Getty Images, with some from istock as well.
Good luck with the presentation...
Take care,
Sophie :)
castorgirl 2 years ago
Thank you! You are an amazing lady. I will have to ask my teenage son though about how to give credit to my YouTube username cuz I'm an idiot when it comes to things like this. I had to figure out how to set up an account just to be able to email you! :-) Monique
TheMoRoybal 2 years ago
Thanks for this excellent video
ritualabuse(dot)us
also have info on DID there
stopritualabuse 2 years ago
Thanks for the resource. I will check it out.
Monique
TheMoRoybal 2 years ago
I am doing a research project on DID and came across your video. You did a beautiful job & I love the poem that goes with the video. It is nice to see someone use something negative to help your viewers going through the same thing. I commend you.
TheMoRoybal 2 years ago
Thank you, I hope it helped with your research project as well :)
Take care,
Sophie :)
castorgirl 2 years ago
why does everyone judge me for having scars on the outside?
They're just a reflection, a physical showing of my heart
people don't judge us for having broken hearts, a difficult past, and emotional scars
They judge us for letting it out.............
FireflyFanatic3 2 years ago 30
I'm not sure. Some people don't understand; some get scared that they know people want to hurt themselves; for some it makes them uncomfortable; for those that care about you, they sometimes feel helpless as they don't know how to make the pain go away.
Take care...
PS I love Firefly too :)
castorgirl 2 years ago
@FireflyFanatic3 yes they do they...dont look at us for who we are they look at us because were in pain and they just walk past us they dont see how were dieing inside
brokenheart9087 1 year ago
@FireflyFanatic3 - ? ive never heard of someone been judged befcause of self harm... if thats what you mean - i wouldnt personally judge anyone whos ever self harmed... although i can totally imagine some ignorant people being like that
dannyday58218195 1 year ago
Just wanted to let you know this video helps everytime I return. Thanks. Candy
candy3A3Z 2 years ago
I'm glad it helps...
Take care,
Sophie :)
castorgirl 2 years ago
You did a great job on this video; I have wanted to escape many times. I have kept so many secrets that i literally think it is killing me at times. I have a destructive part that is the strongest part i suppose. but i have done things and didn't remember; even injuring myself and waking up the next day and wondering how the hell did this happen.
marydepugh 2 years ago 10
Please take care and reach out for help - it is there.
castorgirl 2 years ago
I know exactly how it feels. I´m 21 now and I´m still not able to talk about it. I have some serious emotional problems, including anxiety, bipolar and SI. people just dont realise that such experiences can destroy someone forever.
XsweetcancerX 2 years ago 4
i know how it feels to just want to exscape the pain and just give it all to god. but i have gone through 2 years of councing and been to two hospitals and met a lot of encouraging people and though i felt like i wanted to die even MORE through the process i have almost made it though and will hopefuly be done with it soon
emshlem 2 years ago 4
wut song is this?
HidanLover974 2 years ago
The song is Scarlet by Brooke Fraser.
castorgirl 2 years ago
wow this is a very powerful video and I completely understand the pain of such things . I KNOW TOO. I am sorry for your pain, this video is so great the way it describes the little girl, it made me cry because you hit the nail on the head. GOOD JOB!
oranges1214 2 years ago
thnx this helped me understand my mom more she suffered with disociation from an abusive child hood i love my mom but not all of her personalities
jessicastratton22 2 years ago 3
Hi Jessica,
It can be really confusing when the different alters come forward. Being a dissociative, I can't imagine how hard it must be for the people who care about us to see us switching.
Just please remember that your mom loves you...
Thank you for trying to understand your mom more...
Take care
Sophie :)
castorgirl 2 years ago
Beautiful and touching.
koalastephanie 2 years ago
Really excellent video! You have some very artistic sides of you! I'm curious, have you tried Dialectical Behavioral Therapy at all? If so, what did you think of it?
BaskinLove 2 years ago
Thank you :)
No I haven't tried DBT. Over here you must have Borderline Personality Disorder to go on the course, and I don't meet the criteria for BPD. I have heard that some people get quite a bit from DBT though.
Take care
Sophie :)
castorgirl 2 years ago
Powerful video. I hope things are better for you now.
kashmirpage 2 years ago
Wow. That's amazing.
4thtroika 2 years ago
Thank you :)
castorgirl 2 years ago
Amazing video Castorgirl. Powerful and thought provoking. One thing I wanted to say is I understand because I was there too and now I live in peace and tranquility. It is possible and sooo worth it so please don't ever give up. Keep moving forward even when it is just by baby steps. It isn't easy working through the pain but it is so worth it to be free now and living in joy.--- Keep expressing yourself and moving forward. ~ Hugs, PolarB ;)
PolarB36 2 years ago 2
Thank you PolarB :)
castorgirl 2 years ago
thank you for sharing it helps to know people understand our pain and confusion inisde regards elaine
lainie1960 2 years ago
Hi Elaine,
I'm sorry this is your struggle too...
Take care
Sophie :)
castorgirl 2 years ago
This is a beautiful video. Thank you for sharing!!
I've been in therapy for 5 yrs & been living with Complex PTSD & Maj. Depression. I've been dissociating a lot. My SW referred me to a PhD for an eval of DID. We knew I had experienced multiple symptoms.
I did some diagnostic testing last week & had my interview with the PhD today. She shared the results & graphs with me & made the official diagnosis of PTSD & DID. I am scared, yet kind of relieved too. I thought I was losing it.
Thank you!!
Gr8PwrflOz 2 years ago
Hi,
Getting the right diagnosis can help so much. It means you know what you're dealing with and can help to explain why things happen. I hope you get some good help with your healing...
Take care...
Sophie :)
castorgirl 2 years ago
This is a beautiful video and the song is so perfect. I urge everyone watching this video to seek out love in your life. Not sex or relationsihps but real love. It is the only thing that can really heal us. Many times we seek out others who feel equally depressed or suicidal because it makes us feel at home but it can also perpetuate our own feelings of despair. Never forget, there is a life after abuse and after trauma. It is up to us to take hold of our lives and make something new out of it.
newnatural 2 years ago
This is such an inspirational video. It sums up exactly how I feel and find it very comforting. Thank you for sharing your life - by doing so you help lessen the pain and aloneness of thers. Not many things can reach the heart but this one does.
freyalightwarrior 2 years ago
Thank you... Although we're always sad when others identify with our clip because it means they're hurting too, we're glad it helps in some way.
Take care
Sophie :)
castorgirl 2 years ago
this video was amazing. You speak for us all
newvision4him 2 years ago
this was beautiful.
blessings to you.
taaitaai 3 years ago
Hi taaitaai,
Thank you :)
Take care
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
My dear
thank you so much for posting this vid its hard with any abuse to come to terms
I wish you all the best for your life and never ever give up
talk and write donw your feelings as it helps
good luck and god bless
angel
angelbabecats 3 years ago
Hi and thank you,
We've found that sometimes expressing the pain and fears through YouTube has helped. It seems to help many people know they aren't alone with the struggles.
Take care...
castorgirl 3 years ago
Thank you...
We're still amazed at how many people identify with the clip for different reasons.
Take care and *safe hugs*
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
Wow, I also can completely relate with the mix of emotions. You did an excelent job of conveying that with all those child pix! Great work! *hugz*
erinefoemmel 3 years ago
WOW! great video, great photos and song. It was and is beautiful but sad. It makes me cry. I know this by heart...
take care. Dont give up-cause you are loved (like the song by josh groban)
madgirl19 3 years ago
Thank you :)
Haven't heard that song, so will go check it out now.
Take care...
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
I wish you peace...
megalehellas 3 years ago
Thank you...
Take care of yourself
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
You did an amazing job with this video. I feel your pain and exhaustion and wondering if it is worth the fight to live. Unfortunately this is how it feels for all living with and healing from DID. Excellent portrayal of that internal battle. Wow to the photos you found of the children. Were any of them one of your childhood photos?
grace2244 3 years ago
Hi and thanks :)
It continues to be a struggle and probably will be for some time. Just have to hold onto that need to protect the innocence.
No, none of these photos were our childhood photos - the only photo we have found of us as a child is an online one from our primary school.
Take care
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
I hope you feel better soon.
koalastephanie 3 years ago
thanks for sharing this. i'm with you even i don't really know you.
take care, sophie..
adietv 3 years ago
Hi
Thank you... Sometimes all someone needs is a smile to help them make it through the day.
Take care & *smiles*
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
Thank you for putting this out there. I can relate all to well to everything you put. I wish we had the ability to put it together likeyou did.
manyinone1 3 years ago
Hi and thanks,
We're sorry this is your struggle too.
Each of us finds ways to express what's happening for them, this was how one of us expressed the inner conflict and history for her.
Others try to find different ways to express it and you'll find a way that is comfortable for you.
Take care...
castorgirl 3 years ago
Hi, I love your video and the pictures would be perfect for my assingment. I went on the site gettyimages but could only find a few. I would like to know if possible what you typed in to find all of your pictures. If you could tell me that would be such a great help.Thanks. This video is so touching. Love it!
moo05dance 3 years ago
Hi and thanks,
Sorry can't remember all of the search terms used to find the images. Some were found doing Google Image and iStockPhoto searches as well. Most were specific searches for that image - like "broken doll" "girls eyes shut" "man screaming" etc.
Sorry I can't be more help.
Take care
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
Sophie,
I hope you find your peace and tranquility one day. God only knows you deserve it.
Be well,
Turls
butchturls 3 years ago
Hi Turls,
We're working on it...
Take care
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
Hi Sophie,
I've become a huge Brooke Fraser fan because of you and this video. She is actually coming to my town very soon and I'll be there. I hope this finds you well. And know that being turned on to a new artist is a great gift for me. Thank You.
Matt
underice1976 3 years ago
Hi Matt,
She has a beautiful voice and her songs can be very soothing. Don't like crowds, so have never been to one of her concerts, but have heard they're good. Hope you enjoy it if you get to go along :)
Thanks, things are ok here. Start of a new semester which is always pretty hectic.
Hope things are ok with you and yours...
Take care
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
i sincerely hope your not being abused right now :( and this is an amazing video
StrikingSilent 3 years ago
Hi and thanks :)
Yup, now separated from the husband and have little contact with the people who hurt in the past...
Now working on putting the pieces back together.
Take care
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
im so very happy to hear that :D good luck with your life
StrikingSilent 3 years ago
sophie...did they abuse you?
pasiphandra 3 years ago
Hi,
Yes there was abuse.
Take care
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
Hey, What is this song? BTW, I love the vid!
woppow191 3 years ago
Hi and thanks :)
The song is "Scarlet" by Brooke Fraser.
Take care
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
Thank you for making this video. It describes how I feel, perfectly. I am glad to know that their are people out there that are going through the same things as I am.
piratequeen11 3 years ago
Hi,
Sorry that this is your struggle too.
It's been surprising to see how many people identify with this clip - we're definitely not alone in feeling like this.
Does make it feel a little easier and safer to ask for help though...
Take care
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
Thanks, but I'm not suffering from child abuse, but from depression and teasing (and sometimes verbal abuse) at school because I am a easy target and I have ADHD. And my relationship with my parents isn't the best either.
piratequeen11 3 years ago
Sorry I wasn't meaning to jump to conclusions about your situation, but rather hoping that you can ask for help with what's happening for you. People identify with the clip for all sorts of different reasons :)
What you describe with the teasing shouldn't happen to anyone. It's wrong and you should be able to get help to stop it and to help you deal with it.
You deserve better treatment...
Take care
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
Please....make sure you are taking care of yourself. I've been there...or i'm there, not sure right now, but there is help, support.
You are worth it.
xoxo
Heheals5 3 years ago
Hi and thanks :)
It's an ongoing struggle...
Sorry things seem so confusing for you at the moment.
Take care of yourself
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
Hi
I wish I could help in some way. Healing takes time and can shake you to the core of your being when you least expect it.
I can identify with your feeling of being trapped.
Please IM me if you want to :)
Just one moment and one breath at a time :)
Take the best care you can of yourself... you're worth it!
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
My past still haunted me from time to time, i can't escape it. I feel trap.
koalastephanie 3 years ago
i have this book
balletgymmad 3 years ago
Hi, I'm sorry but I don't know what you mean...
Sophie
castorgirl 3 years ago
thiers a book called little girl lost which is pritty much the same story as this, thogh yours is probaly personal they both have the same name.
balletgymmad 3 years ago
Hi,
Yes this is my life. I wasn't aware of a book by the same title.
Thanks for the clarification.
Sophie
castorgirl 3 years ago
This is really good- I can relate and I agree. In the end innocence will prevail. We cannot let the abusers end lives.
candy3A3Z 3 years ago
Hi and thanks :)
Sophie
castorgirl 3 years ago
ur amazing. these videos are all amazing
dundar101 3 years ago
Thanks :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
thanks..I love this song and this video is great too!
eddie13112005 3 years ago
What is the name of that song?
eddie13112005 3 years ago
Hi, it's called "Scarlet" and is by Brooke Fraser - a New Zealand singer/songwriter.
Take care
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
Amazing. Simply amazing and i would like to thank you for making this vid...it has helped me realize a lot. Take care <3
bostongeorge32 3 years ago
Hi and thanks
I'm glad it helped :)
Take care
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
Thank you Oh boy can I relate to the little girl lost part. Take care of you and yours. We deserve peace now.Never give up.
sunbeansnflowersluv 3 years ago 3
Hi and thanks :) Yeah we're all feeling real lost and wondering why we're here... Sorry you're feeling that way too.
Take care
Sophie :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
thankyou for making this video it is so emotional and truthful, we can really realte to how u feel. take care, meg.
megzi32 3 years ago 3
Hi and thanks :)
Take care of yourself...
Sophie
castorgirl 3 years ago
my mum suffers from this, thanks for making it much easier to understand and relate to. so touching thanks
unavailablejohnny 3 years ago 3
I'm glad it helped a little :)
Take care
Sophie
castorgirl 3 years ago
Remember that if you scape the pain, all of you loose the joy.
trocolele 3 years ago 3
Trying to remember that each day.
Take care
Sophie
castorgirl 3 years ago
Lat was a very powerful film. We has got DID and it makd lot od sense to us. We cud feel lot of yor hert. Kep hoping. LEre is a way throw. Sumhow...
no-name
LukeDanielSophie 3 years ago
Hi no-name,
We're really glad you liked our film. It helped us understand some stuff and we're glad others out there could see parts of themselves in it too. We're sorry anyone feels like this, but hopefully we can all feel a little better knowing there are others struggling with this too and are willing to help each other.
You take care... :)
Sophie
castorgirl 3 years ago
Very touching. Thanks for sharing this.
surviveditall 3 years ago
Thank you
Take care :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
That was so moving, and describes me to the core. Is good to know there are others out there too, the music makes this video.
beckiebp 4 years ago
I'm glad it helped you to know there are others out there experiencing the same thing. Just wish no one had to...
Take care :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
That was great, thanks!
The host really wants to survive, or we would not create our multiples to stay alive, so keep fighting the persectuors!
Love always
Amanda and me's
TUTUFAT 4 years ago
Thanks, we keep on telling our collective selves that we wouldn't have been created if there wasn't the will to live. It just seems too much at times.
Take care :)
castorgirl 3 years ago
wow
jesmalu 4 years ago
Thank you :)
castorgirl 4 years ago
this is an amazing video and i can relate so much. thank you for sharing. I also have DID and struggle with the very same things. this is a powerful video. thank you for sharing it so so much.
secretoompaa 4 years ago
Hi and thank you. We had no idea that this is how others felt too. It's both comforting that we're not alone, but incredibly sad that anyone feels this way at all.
Take care :)
Sophie
castorgirl 4 years ago
Your video moved me. I too am dxed DID and struggle almost daily with the tug of war that has become my life. Thank you for speaking out.
amarana76 4 years ago
Hi and thank you. I was worried about hurting or triggering people with the video which is why I chucked so many descriptors on it. I'm so sorry that this is your struggle too.
Take care
Sophie :)
castorgirl 4 years ago
I was so moved by your video. I can identify with each part of it. I, too, have a diagnosis of DID, and struggle with hurting myself and suicidal ideation. Thank you for being so courageous.
skalpau 4 years ago
Hi, you're being courageous telling that your DID too :) It always feels better to know we're not alone in struggling with these feelings, but I wish no one experienced it.
Take care :)
castorgirl 4 years ago
wow that's powerful!
jess
infinitycastle 4 years ago
Thanks Jess :) It was tough for Sophie (part of the system) to make this one.
Take care...
castorgirl 4 years ago
Your video moved me. I understand that feeling. Over time I have decided to protect the innocent ones and to embrace that sense of wonder. Hatred and evil cannot win. Love prevails. Thank you for sharing this video.
Lunaintheclouds 4 years ago 2
Hi and thank you :) Instinctively I want to protect the innocent ones and give them a chance to grow. But at times the pain in combination with the feelings of hopelessness and helplessness seem overwhelming. I agree hatred and evil can't win, so look for the small bits of hope each day.
Take care :)
castorgirl 4 years ago
Thank you for your video. It's very moving.
smilesalot31 4 years ago
Thank you :) Part of my reason for doing it was to prove to myself that there is hope no matter how bad and dark things might look.
Take care :)
castorgirl 4 years ago
beautiful, sad, deep video.. i feel your pain but see your hope too.. you are brave and couragous.
I was abused too and have bpd, but i am trying to keep the faith that i will heal
landofhealth 4 years ago 2
Hi, thank you :) There was a huge conflict about putting this video on a public site, but thought that there might be others out there who could see some part of themselves in what I'm struggling with.
Faith and hope that things will get better is sometimes all that keeps us all going.
Take care :)
castorgirl 4 years ago