Relationships - Promiscuity vs. Monogamy Part 1

[Thetaquo]

I've seen too many fights over the "right" to have sex with someone, too many people thinking they're worthless just because their friend decided to screw someone else, too many great relationships ended over what society would have us believe is a moral weakness. There's simply too much value placed on sex. I want sex to be devalued so that we can focus on things that actually matter in a relationship (you know, care, support, forgiveness, understanding?). Promiscuity does exactly that.

[guesswhoshereman]

MONOGAMY ALL THE WaY!

[hot6235]

so true

there's a steryotype that men are biologically promiscuous and women are biologically monogogus. that's wrong. men and women are biologically monogumus.

[SpearofDestiny0]

@hot6235 - it's not a stereotype, its a truthful generalization based on our human biology. Not only is monogamy not natural for human beings, it's not natural for most mammals. We are not wired for such, it is a chosen lifestyle imposed by society. By itself, monogamy has no bearing. To each his own.

[hot6235]

@SpearofDestiny0 when I said monogumus at the end, that was an accident, I meant to write promiscuous. both men and women are biologically promiscuous, what I meant to say was that it's a steryotype that women are biologically monogumus, we're not. this myth has been busted many times. you are completely right.

[caleb6868]

Okay but what if children don't enter the picture ?

[SpearofDestiny0]

@caleb6868 - then you just have sex and companionship, where its longevity is almost always based on factors which change.

[Buntzums]

I don't know what exactly this argument is but it has no supporting evidence. I do know that it would not be a natural activity for me personally to partake in any form of promiscuity so perhaps certain people carry these genes and others don't.

[Adamalgorithm]

promiscuity might be better than monogamy, but this guy is so confused his arguments are utterly fallacious. he should take a basic course in genetics and economics. Nobody has any incentive of looking after anybody's children except his own.

[SexyRaww]

Ahhhhh darn....another video of someone being stupid....damn it.

[channingwalters]

Everyone please listen. I am an endangered species. I am married to my wonder wife and we have only been with each other, What do i mean exactly? Me and my wife were virgins when we first had sex and have only had sex with each other since. We have an unbreakable bond and our lives are filled with love and an unbreakable bond. Everyone seems to be fucking everyone these days and everyone is wondering why everybody is so messed up. There is a method to the madness when it comes to monogomy.

[SpearofDestiny0]

@channingwalters - that's great for you, but it doesn't work for everyone. You were always an endangered species, monogamy was never the norm. For millenia men had numerous wives, and premarital and/or extramarital affairs have always existed. 

[DesmondHsu]

not that simple dude

[kishakisha17]

kids need fathers that are present!!! they need mothers that are present!!! it has a stabilizing effect on kids! They don't care about aunties, neighbors and other village people... they want their mommies and daddies!!!!!!!!!!!! TOGETHER!!

[SpearofDestiny0]

@kishakisha17 - there are many children who do well without the nuclear family model. As long as they are provided for. Your stereotype that children can only be happy, safe, and/or successful via the nuclear family model is outdated.

[kishakisha17]

.. because nature said so.. even though the plant * CAN'T* sustain itself with "US" humans only... ya ok..b.s.buddy!!!!

[kishakisha17]

..um women who are poor..come together and help eachother out and long lives the divide of the sexes.. because natre said so.. even though the plant can sustain itself with "US" humans only... ya ok..b.s.buddy!!!!

[kishakisha17]

ok but we are supposed to share the planet with plants and animals. we are not supposed to take over the plant .. we need trees!!

And not only that but the "man who is busy creating more" farmers, teachers and whatever u said.. are not responsible enough to have stable jobs because they spend all night chasing females and spend their money on entertaining them instead of giving resources to their countless babies that nature made them have because nature said so..

[kishakisha17]

checking

[cnuts83]

This guy obviously doesn't pay child support. Might sound more efficient but in actual application almost every system of government more children = more cost = higher taxes = more child support money = more pollution more waste.... You get the idea. This idea wouldn't work in China now would it lol

[dubified89]

If it's a guy it's always some gay sounding guy making these type of arguments. Sorry dude, you and your 'community' will stay the fuck away from my child if I ever have one.

[prhughes0]

"When you sleep around, you have more children" IF you are an ATTRACTIVE (and assertive) MAN. VERY self-serving attitude. The more women he convinces, the more children HE is likely to "have" (to be cared for by everyone (else)).

[SweetJaneofGoth]

Like I'm a girl and I like to fuck. It takes more than one cock to satisfy me. And besides I get things when I fuck so the more guys I fuck the more things I get. I was fucking a married guy I got a new car!

[cutenick18]

This person's argument resembles that of Communists: If we share property we will all in general become better off. This kind of logic has been proven wrong already. It leads to free-rides. If I wont even know my own child I wont care about any of the kids. It may have worked 10,000 years ago but we're smarter now. We know the meaning of self-interest. You underestimate the selfishness of educated humans. Read more Nietzsche. You need exclusivity to create an incentive for individuals.

[qwerly45]

This argument is never going to go away. If you choose to sleep around there is obviously more risk eg unwanted children, disease or the whole daddy shooting after the son of a bitch he found in bed with his daughter.

[originalcraig]

who said everyone is trying to have kids, having kids should be illegal in todays world. Monogamous is perfect if you are truely in love.

[PrinceCharmless100]

@slowalker700 not everyone want to have "meaningful sex" some people just want to enjoy sex and there's nothing wrong with that

[cherylwens]

Promiscuity = "He's no prince charming but hey, I need a dick right now. As long as it's consensual, who cares, right? I mean, if a brother and his sis consent to incest, they have the freedom to do so. This is the land of the free."

Monogamy = "It's unnatural for me to be this way. Just as it's unnatural for a human being to use a computer. But I'm determined to love the most beautiful person in my life, warts and all, and I won't settle for second best. After all, I have standards."

[cherylwens]

The consumerist nature of american society dictates that human beings are just another form of commodity. If guy X buys a bigger diamond for you than guy Y, the former loves you more. Abandoning one's parents is acceptable as long as you pay for their expenses. If I have sex with my boss in return for promotion, it's a win-win situation for both of us. Celebrities are superior to me because they have more money. Fuck america!

[jereksgospel]

"some people require love and commitment for sex" Fine. Some people do not. Do not judge others because of your personal "requirements" That is the whole of my argument.

[jereksgospel]

Sex is not economics, or gold. I disagree that someone who is not having it "values" it more. That makes no logical sense.

[jereksgospel]

Most people don't need sex to be a special union. There are better special unions to have with our partners. Your personal views on it are clearly just the same old run of the mill religious oppression disguised with psuedo intellectual language. Have your own type of relationships. Stop trying to tell others what's best in theirs.

[jereksgospel]

Having sex does not mean having low self esteem to me AT ALL but quite the opposite. You are again imposing your hang ups on others. again I have addressed the "problems" you just brought up with sex. Condoms. Do as you choose in your relationships. Cross your fingers and hope your partner will do the same.

[jereksgospel]

Monogamy is just as flawed a model as non-monogamy. It all depends on how the people in the relationship negotiate it.

[jereksgospel]

And nobody gets to sit back and look at my relationship with my partner and point out what they think are flaws based on their own personal preferences about relationships.

[jereksgospel]

you are not understanding either. I agree that people make bad decisions in selecting partners. What I am saying is that many people should be given the support to chose a partner that allows them occasional adventures. What I am saying is that people who insist on monogamy should choose partners who do as well and then discuss it constantly. It shouldn't be assumed in our society any longer that that is the expectation.

[jereksgospel]

someone who has sex regularly does value sex, clearly they enjoy it. Someone who is "saving" it clearly has issues with it and their body and most likely will have a hard awakening down the line when their partner leaves them.

[jereksgospel]

people who reserve sex until marriage and have never had many sexual partners have the highest divorce and break up rates of all.

[jereksgospel]

That is my whole point. decisions to be monogamous or not are up to the couple who have to live with them. There are advantages and drawbacks to both and depend on the people in the relationship. people like you have no right or reason to impose your sex negative and body negative issues on a couple just because you would not chose to be in their type of relationship.

[jereksgospel]

Sex is not gold or precious metals. It is sex. Having sex with one partner does not necessarily make sex better. Looking at cheating and divorce rates in "monogamous" relationships and then knowing from personal experience that my relationships have actually lasted longer that my monogamous friends and without dishonesty I see that the commitment to my partners has been able to be much deeper because of my ability to indulge from time to time

[jereksgospel]

it is about as archaic as monogamy. Monogamy is about wholly possessing another persons sexuality. The goal of monogamy is just as much about owning another persons sexuality and expression to benefit your own selfish need to avoid dealing with jealousy and insecurity. You have a very warped limited and negative view on sex and sexuality in general. This is definitely something we need less of in the world.

[jereksgospel]

You clearly keep equating normal healthy sexual activities between consenting adults with all kinds of extremely negative things like rape and murder and crime. Just because you have sexual hang ups does not mean you have any valid reason to push them onto people who are unwilling to share them.

[jereksgospel]

You keep preaching about pregnancy and stds, while at the same time talking about our higher intellectual state. I don't know if you are aware, but we have protection that we can use our higher intellectual development to make a choice in using. Sex has risks, just as eating or leaving the house does. So what?

[jereksgospel]

If emotions can all be reduced to chemicals then the "deep emotional and intellectual connection" arguments you keep spouting are worthless. I don't "fall in love" with every person I sleep with, I am more adult than that.

[jereksgospel]

everything you say contradicts itself. You talk about a deeper connection than sex but then present non monogamy as something we should avoid. On one had you want to downplay sex in favor of feelings and connections while on the other you place so much importance on the act itself outside of those feelings and emotions.

[jereksgospel]

If our society wasn't filled with people and institutions like yourself who pass such judgment on honest non-monogamy then there wouldn't be so many "cheaters" or people who are dishonest.

[jereksgospel]

Since we can understand why we do things then please explain to me why the urge to monogamy is preferable? Why shouldn't we indulge urges that are natural and there in the first place with the consent and support of our partners?

[jereksgospel]

@slowalker700, people can "emotionally and intellectually" bond with someone and be non-monogamous. You clearly attempt to over intellectualize and prioritize sex in order to justify your own hang ups and judgments. Sex and emotions can be separated. There is nothing wrong with having pleasure doing something we are designed to do. Having multiple partners is what keeps some people in relationships longer.

[jereksgospel]

I don't think monogamy is "the more prominent motivation" at all. Divorces and infidelity rates show us this. Being "satisfied" on an "emotional and intellectual" level still doesn't erase tens of thousands of years of instinct. People who cheat aren't "selfish", just dishonest with themselves and their partners. If you can't be monogamous and still make a relationship last then be honest about it and choose a partner that works well with you on that level.

[Kinkspace]

Existing economic structures promote ownership, this has over time been applied increasingly to relationships. Which is possibly the reason so many fail, one cannot own another human being.

[Kinkspace]

Our behavior has become distorted over time due to political, religious & economic systems. We are therefore progressing in a state of artificial evolution

It's not as simple as monogamy v promiscuity. The idea of the nuclear family is born out of firstly the desire to control by religion which was, still is connected to the state like it or not

Secondly out of necessity in the economic environment in that it is impossible to raise a child financially these days without two incomes

cont...

[nyjeen5]

I'm not going to have a mans children if 3 years down the road he's going to dump them on me. Or maybe I would. Depends if he pays child support or not.

But anyway. IF the humans are social animals who are supposed to raise OTHER people's children than why dont people adopt? The only people who adopt the the ones who cant have kids. Its pretty rare for someone to adopt out of the goodness of their heart, unless they already have their own bio children.

yaaa.. This your argument fails

[LesWilis]

If you consider the gamut of STD's (Chlamydia, Herpes, Gonorrhea, Hepatitis, Syphilis), it could be taken as natures way of favoring monogamy. Never mind HIV; things like genital warts arent confined to the genitals. The absolute protection of condoms is a relatively new thing. From a public health standpoint, promiscuity is a nightmare.

[universatile]

Even the most devout monogamist species participate in extra-pair copulation. Marriage evolved as a control mechanism, with both men and women seeking to control or possess their partner. Women so they can know that the man will protect and support the woman and child, men so they can know that the children are theirs. Strict monogamy is adhered too most prevalently in countries like Islamic cultures, where the men and women do not mingle and the women are kept veiled.

[universatile]

That is just an example of the steps that must be taken to enforce the unnatural form of sexuality: monogamy. There is a difference between social monogamy and sexual monogamy. Social monogamy is living together, pooling resources and labor. Sexual monogamy is sexual exclusivity. women for instance are much more likely to cheat during ovulation. Men are likely to cheat whenever possible, whenever a woman throws herself at him.

[cherylwens]

Polygamy is as natural as earthquakes. Earthquakes are bad.

[HurricaneHeidi]

You nailed it.

Today's society is broken up into nuclear families and "illegitimate" children are considered less valuable and often downright unwelcome. This leads to unwed or adulterous mothers either seeking abortion to avoid censure and/or ostracism, or secretly giving up their baby for adoption ... but the stigma remains with that child for life. I know from personal experience. Tribal (and primate) societies welcome all newborns as an asset and nurture them as a group.

5 stars.

[seanpiniero]

"Tribal (and primate) societies welcome all newborns as an asset and nurture them as a group."

you're a fucking idiot. that's a bunch of hippie bullshit and you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

[Caribbeanprincess1]

such rubbish!!!!!!!

[detriplea]

I agree current human standards are backwards.

[NeishaAntoinette]

yes, it's so sad to see the amount of fallacy that is contrived to support the backward mentality. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[onlyguitar1001]

i think in relationships you gotta know you don't own the other person. I think an exclusive love relationship should be between 2 people but should not necessarily be physically exclusive. Love and sex can go hand in hand, but they don't have to

[charismaticace]

Too many people have the wrong view of monogamy. Monogamy isn't "Well, I'm in a committed relationship so I can't have sex with anyone else," but rather, "I'm in a committed relationship BECAUSE I don't WANT to have sex with anyone else."

[Caribbeanprincess1]

you do not understand "exclusive"

[seanpiniero]

You're talking out of your ASS. Promiscuity is not natural for women, only men. Until modern times a child without a father had no chance of surviving whatsoever.

Still, I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of women were fooled by a pseudo-intellectual dweeb like you.

[jereksgospel]

No, you are talking out of YOUR ass. Women have two relationship selection drives; One to find the best provider for her children, and one to gain the best genes. They are not mutually exclusive. Women cheat because of a drive to have the best possible genes for their children that the provider will then house and feed.

[seanpiniero]

There's still a difference between a woman cheating while she's in a relationship and a single woman going out and seeking one-night stands.

[greymval]

Smartest thing i ever heard on this topic.

[seanpiniero]

which is?

[0candy]

...our hands allow us to do all sorts of crafty things to obtain any food, but also we need a big brain to tell our hands what to do. But in order to be such a smart and well developed creature we have a long maturation period, usually not until around 18-20 when we reach mental and physical adulthood, or 12 to just barely be able to be independant. Thus humans evolved to be more monogamous, in order to put quality over quantity and put humans on top.

[0candy]

There are many orphans in this world right now who are having a low quality of life without their parents, and in certain parts of the world being left to die. And your main only argument on why polygamy is better is quantity over quality, but your wrong. What makes humans the king of the animal kingdom is they are hard to wipe out, since they are so adaptive. We have one of the most diverse diets of all animals, and thats partly becuase ...

[ncfwhitetigress]

He's talking about what humans WERE like in the natural state. Clearly that no longer applies. Now, at least in the developed world, it's quality over quantity and that's why everyone freaks out so much about cheating and infidelity, etc.

[0candy]

I think your wrong. Children aren't really raised by society, they are mostly raised by their parents. This ensures a bit of evolution since most people and animals have a bias for their own children, their own genes. If they do a better job parenting then their genes get passed on more often. If parents die usually the chilld is reared by another close relative like an aunt or grandparent, or remain orphans. ....

[nickperri]

Nicely put.

[MatureBeauty12]

There is diversity in human relationships. It is no different than nature. Whatever you decide to do...be safe.

[braindonater]

Monogamy and poligamy are the same...one too many wives.

[metalhaze1982]

human beings never used toilets ! they crapped outside...why do we go against "nature" ?

[Alexn1067]

we used to swing from trees too, why not go back to that, its in our nature right?

george carlin said it best, "some people are fucking goofy"

[cm175240]

it is a personal choice, why do we even debate it as a society? If you choose to be promiscuous then that is your choice, and if you choose to be monogamous then that is your choice. Who gives a shit what each person decides to do. It is up to the individual. Personally I would prefer a monogamous relationship, but that is just my choice. I am a man and many of my friends prefer promiscuity.

[josesilva9910]

Freedom before all.

[mydigitaltime]

promiscuity can be fun not doubt about it but the truth is that doesn't have a solid foundation and the person who practices always end up feeling lonely and empty....promiscuity is bad because doesn't help you value yourself as person and destroy your self esteem...been there done that

[josesilva9910]

I have several girlfriends and I feel fine.I couldn't live any other way.

[courtez09]

hmmmm all i know is im happily monogamous, and all my friends who are promiscuous tend to feel fucked up emotionally. im not saying that applies to all, just in my experience.

[C9pherD9v9ne]

have you ever thought about sex, or dreamed about sex with another person other than your partner?

if the answer is YES then you are not monogamous.

[courtez09]

not true, the way i'm (and most people in a practical sense) using the term is in that i choose to stay with my partner, humans are attracted to other humans always but it doesnt mean they're not capable of happily being with only one. sure a lot of marriages fail, but a lot succeed as well.

[courtez09]

hmmmm all i know is im happily monogamous, and all my friends who are promiscuous tend to feel fucked up emotionally. im not saying that applies to all, just in my experience.

[josesilva9910]

I think the worst thing in the world is to be tied to one woman.You meet a girl,you have sex and you move on with your life.If you like her,then keep meeting her,but who said that you can only love one woman?You can love 3,4 womans the same way and have feelings for them.That's why I think monogamy is bullshit.

[johnnyuk123]

if promiscuity is such a great thing why not just keep it real and STAY single?

[moonj69]

Dude, totally well put! Monogamy is an artificial limitation imposed by controlling institutions. If people think monogamy is so great, then why is promiscuity still so rampant?

[jsmithdonna]

What do not live in a tribe. Duh.

[coperniciaTalent]

the world is overpopulated. many biologists have said that people right now shouldn't be having big families, just one or two kids. AND, what about vanity? etc wich makes us IMPERATIVELY WANT to know from who our kid is. I should have to see first in order to believe such community could work out.

[paralegal2b]

Monogamy is monosexist. Monogomy holds that we can only love one other person. Serial monogamy is like promiscuity. Why is promiscuity a bad thing? If you use protection, what's the problem? STDs are the only reason I can think of that promiscuity is not the best decision.

[josesilva9910]

Anyone who said that you can only love one woman at a time is lying.

[mydigitaltime]

I have had several partners but I just loved one