Hank Tried to Kill Me With a Hammer

[lucysgotthediamonds]

What is the relationship between mass and weight? (Other than the obvious)

[lucysgotthediamonds]

I get recognized for art... It's kind of awkward, kind of nice.

[ashliebelle]

"are you wearing a disguise?"

ROTFL!

[MrSpockify]

I feel like I'm closer to Hank now, because when I was really little I hit my sister in the head with a hammer. :)

[leeham991]

There is a video of horses fucking in the suggested videos for this.

[InuKagndWolfsRaingrl]

O_O I read An Abundance of Katherine's last summer, and JUST realized that you wrote it!!! Awesome!!

[blackumbrella77]

John Green--one of the first hipsters.

[RockinViolinist]

I was gonna make the "John Green's a finisher" joke, but then everyone else already did.

Oh.

[Rawlyssa]

LOOK AT THAT PHONE.

[blackandfaded]

That's not smothering, that's just two men who love each other.

[13495]

How is it possible to sell them so cheap?????

[HariSlate]

JOHN SAID HE LOVED HANK! He cannot even do that on Esther Day!

[antiquecans69]

Aww.. John said shucks.

[glic6616]

"That's just hugging. That's not killing."

[PeanutButterHugz]

Don't fret! my little brother tried to kill me with a hammer once when we were real little too. okay, so maybe he was less trying to kill me and more dancing on the bed with a hammer in his hand while we watched fantasia, but the end result was me laying in bed with a bag of ice to my head with a concussion, trying not to fall asleep. Love you too Danny. <3

[medusafer]

"clearly I'm not an expert in the field of finishing." little did he know...

[Thisismyusername1010]

Bang bang, Hanky's silver hammer came down upon John's head. Bang bang, Hanky's silver hammer made sure that he was dead. Siiiilveeeer haaaameeer nerd.

[yes1sir1no1sir]

erm...why am i the only one freaked out by the whole...y know "Hank tried to kill me with a hammer" story....ever one else just seems to except it...

[GONEmypurpleflapjack]

@yes1sir1no1sir Are you an only child? If so, that's probably it. Not that it's wrong to be disturbed, but it seems kinda normal for a sibling to me.

[yes1sir1no1sir]

@GONEmypurpleflapjack infact no...i am actualy a younger brother and me and my brother (who is 21 and has 7 years on me and realy should know better) fight alot...yet we all ways pull our punches and as much as we come out of these scuffles bruised and hurting, we know that it was just a game that we play to assert our dominance. now, in the case between Hank and John the words 'kill' and 'hammer'...well...lets just say that doesn't sound like any normal fight to me : )

[ThaEther]

Naw look at that highly technological phone! Good times!

[efudacz26]

You're so cute!

[LamanKnight]

"Just keep at it." That's the best book-writing advice anyone has ever given me. Thanks, John!

[Raspherbel]

You say you aren't a finisher? Well, We all know John Green, and if he's anything, he's a finisher!

[xavdante]

@Raspherbel I just scrolled down to post that, and I saw that

[merksmirs]

@Raspherbel heck yeah BRING THE POOPHEADNESS.... I mean technically our John Grenn the >>actual<< John Green (for all the people who claim that the Swoodilypoopers aren't real) resembles other John Green the most and that dude sure as HELL is a finisher...

but I must say - being reminded of the Swoodilypoopers once more: I miss them - where are you John? Where are they? We Poopheads need someone to support!!!

[g2theIrishPianist]

That's not killing, that's just two brothers who love each other having a good time.

[ExterminateObliviate]

Whenever I watch this video I think of Potter Puppet Pals, when Snape/Hermione tried to kill Harry with a hammer in his nightmares.

[MrsLoveChuckle]

John took a hammer to the knee.

[SoulLily]

My first thought upon seeing this title was, "Like Joe Orton?"

[ladysbaby]

When I was three my first niece was born and I tried to sit on her when she was three months. Now I say I was just babysitting.

[cruciomuggle]

When he was talking about how he stole the discussion guides from his publisher, it looked like (and quite frankly, I expected him to) say that he had put them in his pants. When he said he put them in his shirt, I was very sad. D:

[JoySprung]

Ask bald john green about finishing!

[roxyqueen2]

Older siblings are allowed to be annoying :)

[totalwombatfan]

John, I think getting the short end of the stick is basically the definition of being an oldest sibling...

[roar9998]

You make me want to read books o.o (not textbooks). :P I'll most likely end up reading your novels. I'll read them when summer comes around. :D

[LKBM]

Yet another non-Esther Day video in which John says he loves Hank. Esther would be proud.

...Except maybe of the attempted murder art.

[zapperstopew]

This reminds me of me and my little sister.

[justmerozzie]

ahhhh so cool, rewatching oldies.

[LoveTurnshateful]

Lincoln's war killed 620,000 Americans. Wilson's war killed 168,000 Americans. L.B.J.'s war killed 58,000 Americans.

[TheSlytherinSpare]

He tried to kill you with a hammer? Why am I getting some Potter Puppet Pals vibes here???;D

[nonsensicalcompound]

3:19

False. John Green IS an expert in the field of finishing.

He's a finisher.

[MrOneofthousands1994]

@nonsensicalcompound Giggity

[huntergirlalex]

Advice for writers; Do NaNoWriMo - it keeps you at it. (National Novel Writing Month - 50k words every November!)

[TheTwigirl23]

First vlogbrother vid i ever saw :)

[hannah1111100]

that's so unfair! the book costs 3.99 dollars but here i have to pay 6.58€ for it. that's more than three times the price!

[AnUnromanticComedyxD]

@hannah1111100 It's the same if you think about it in proportions.

[blue0eyes6]

"I am not an expert in the field of finishing"

"JOHN GREEN! HE'S A FINISHER" -John Green, circa 2011

[bailey2092]

@blue0eyes6 But that was DEFINITELY bald John green. As you can see, this John green is not bald =p

[blueisasomedancer]

I have a question, could you please vaugley explain the plot of all of your books in a video.

[tricksternerd]

you may not be so good in the field of finishing, but bald john green always finish. SWOODLYPOOPERS!

[SiiFish]

@tricksternerd My thoughts exactly!

[anotherdamnartist]

@tricksternerd i believe it’s scoodily...

[heyitsrissa]

I think all siblings have tried to kill each other at one point or another. My brother pushed me down 80 steps, I lost two teeth and got stitches on my head. He also told me he would catch me when I jumped off a twelve foot platform. He didn't. Because of him doing these things I went more the way of cutting my own hair and telling mom he did it.

[Money101Hogs]

OH my brother pushed me down the stairs and we also have a humorous back story about him hitting me with a pan two times

[Money101Hogs]

I clicked this thinking they were going to reference harry potter puppet pals in some way...

[FatedDawn]

Reading John's books are an excellent way to be inspired to write. The combination of "Alaska" and "Katherines" is what inspired me to start writing for a semi-living.

[marar33]

"....I'm clearly not an expert in the field of finishing. Just keep at it."

Oh, dear god.

Anyone else get the wrong message? |: I tend to listen to the vlogbrothers as I do other things, and I zoned out only to zone back in just in time to hear that.

I love the videos though. ^-^

DFTBA. <3

[starkidfangirl]

The meanest thing my brother ever did to me was hit me repeatedly with his cricket bat.

[TheHatOfDestiny]

The meanest thing my brother did to me was stand on me.

Then a whole bunch of times he sat on me

the one time he poured a glass of water on me

then another time he shut me in the lobby (little room between front door and rest of house where shoes and umbrellas are kept in case you don't know) and wouldn't let me come out.

And another time he was holding me upside down on my grandmas gravel and dropped me and I cracked my head open.

Needless to say we don't get on well...

[josephd183]

"i'm clearly not an expert in the field of finishing."

Henry would prove otherwise. But I guess this WAS before his birth...

[suicunesrider]

This. l l

V 

[DeezyWheezy]

his glasses are crooked.

[blueprintlovee]

"I'm clearly not an expert at finishing." Then, how did you get Henry?

[SuperPandahz]

"Get the to Steak and Shake!"

[ddc32997]

@SuperPandahz *thee

[farlettscerman]

3:18 "I'm clearly not an expert at finishing"

oh sure John, sure. BALD JOHN GREEN IS A FINISHER!

[SuperUltraNate]

2:30 and it's not even Esther day.

[stude444]

Oh by the way, thanks for getting me into Neutral Milk Hotel =P

[JilleyWillyNilly]

@stude444

john green is how i bacame an NMH fan, too.

DFTBA

[HPfreak913]

"Oh, I did? Shucks."

[Lilme114]

Look at that cell phone!

[suicunesrider]

"All I want to do is stay home, make videos, eat peeps, and hang out with willy."

I couldn't agree more. (minus the willy part..... I'd substitute one of my friends there. Other than that: PEEPS FTW)

[Sprocket54]

HOLY SHITTT YOU WROTE PAPER TOWNS AND LOOKING FOR ALASKA AND WILL GRAYSON AAAAAHHHH WHAT? This is seriously like finding out that stephen King/J.K. Rowling has a vlog channel. I've always seen you and your brothers videos hanging out on the front of youtube and was aware that you were an important part of youtube, maybe clicked on two or three videos of yours in the last three years BUT I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE JOHN GREEN. Sorry. Just fangirling out a little bit here. Love your books.

[MrMaxxTV]

@Sprocket54 haha lol. i just started reading looking for alaska and it is sooo freaking awesome! can't wait to pre-order the fault in our stars. john's gonna sign every pre-order.

[Neumie7]

@Sprocket54 lmfao can i assume youre subscribed now? that was an adorable freak out, btw. i can sympathize lol

[Llawliet246]

@Sprocket54 Yes. He is John Green. He is very much John Green. And he is awesome. :D Welcome to nerdfighteria!

[RaynaOfSunshine]

@Sprocket54 *Claps* We're recruiting new nerdfighters, eh? That's good.

Excited for TFioS? I AM.

[VickieVlogsStuff]

@RaynaOfSunshine ME TOO! Can't wait for my preorder to be posted... AAARRRGHHHH

[mazerunner13]

@Sprocket54 welcome to Nerdfighteria :D

[zimmawoman]

@Sprocket54 I felt the exact same way when I found out!

[amiradelal]

@Sprocket54 I felt the same way because I read his book An Abundance of Katherines before this channel even started. You are definitely not alone.

[SammyCronin]

@Sprocket54 So you're a Nerdfighter now, yeah? DFTBA :)

[pbjellybeanful]

@Sprocket54 I'm guessing you're a nerdfighter? Haha, yeah, we all love his books here

[wishofpeace]

you love himmmmmm ..mm :)))

[okod146]

If it takes you 4 years per book, how do you you make any money? i mean, not including the money you get from youtube

[CaptainEzzy]

I tried to kill my brother with a shovel, but he tried to kill me with a knife. XD Oh also I poured shampoo on his sheets

[bubbleheadash]

2:28 I thought you and Hank never used the L word when talking about each other?

[SCSweetDude16]

Yeah, that's hilarious!

[RPHSNerdyfun311]

Hey! You should come to Disneyland next week to have fun with me! Just a thought :)

[Carimed2017]

There was this 17 years old kid from FLORIDA, who killed his parents in their home with HAMMER and party later. Hammer could be destructive.

[jacobcoolguy]

orly John? Are you not an expert in the field of finishing?

[shhs2012saudy4u]

"Well I'm sure I was being irritating, but he tried to kill me with a hammer!" XD

[blurryskyline]

PLEASE JOHN BRING THE NERD GLASSES BACK

[MadeofAwesome4ever]

@blurryskyline Too late. I think he auctioned them off during p4a last year or the year before.

[harrypotterfan707]

So, you're saying that Hank watched too much potter puppet pals?

[ReKrisB]

I love the convo with his mother <3

[fluffandstuf]

you had to steal your own book?!

[katiillac]

My older brother through a brick at my head, and my younger brother chucked a Nintendo Colour at my head. How is it that I am even here right now? xD

[theklopps]

Man, what happened to that intro?

[atj5432]

1:20 thats what she said

[prauper358]

AT 2:55 didn't you mean to say, "Nor?"

[kelseyhm]

Bang, bang Hank Green's silver hammer......

[MnMaggii]

OH mojé Bože! I have seen your book in my library!!! =0 I am so reading it now!

[FantasticBlueGirl]

I love how his voice rises an octave.

[emlovesDinoMuffins]

Just baught an abundance of Katherines with the new cover Its AMAZING but Im a photo weirdo and I noticed they have the same eyes and hair ...photoshopped!!!!!

[hesavedme531]

"I tried to smother him?.. That's not murder, that's just hugging."

That's what I said, Mom!!

[FantasticBlueGirl]

@Breetwee I know, right?

[FantasticBlueGirl]

1:59 - 2:08 I fell over laughing

[Kooletz71]

"my brother tried to murder me with a hammer!"

"well you were being irritating" LOL!

[ForgottenLoveLetter]

One time my older brother sprayed me in the face with glass cleaner. He also attempted to pierce my ears with paper clips. I honestly don't remember doing anything mean to him when we were little, but that could be because he's 3 years older than me and a guy.

[thegreekboyssister]

Well my brother once tried feeding me cough syrup ( he was three and I was around one) and he managed to get me drunk but it was when they made the good tasting cough syrup and he claimed that he was just trying to show me how good it tasted.... In the meantime my dad was suppose to be watching us while my mom slept

And not to bore ppl with my childhood stories but when I was 2 he managed to hit me in the head with a baseball bat twice

[JilleyWillyNilly]

@thegreekboyssister

my brother convinced me to hold my head in the door frame while he slammed the door in order to "prove i was not a wimp"

[oforth]

while i agree that the hammer is extreme, Hank did establish that you were smarter, or at least more experienced in being mean in subtler and wordier ways, so he fealt he had to lash out physically.

and yes John, and my fellow nerdfighting commenters, the oldest is the villain growing up.

[LovesSummerStuff]

question for your next question video, which you don't seem to do anymore (you don't vlog on tuesdays either past john), its almost 3 years later: has your reaction to being noticed changed as your popularity has grown??

[alex49carson]

1:24 what she said

[thundervlogTV]

im the younger sibling, i never get in trouble :D

[TheNeiraaa]

John, don't worry. You look like a proper writer.

[bluewolfsakura]

once when i was a kid i got in trouble for telling the truth i mean all i said was that i hated someone to their face but hey they always told us not to lie

[emoluvistrueluv]

hey steak n shake graveyard shift is entertaining... at the drive thru lol

[imperfectcadences]

On my old phone, "But that's just hugging. That's not killing." was my message alert tone.

[SilverStormClouds]

when you said "and then like literally like put in my shirt" i thought you were going to say "and then like literally like put in my PANTS!!"

[starghos4]

"Awww, I did. Shucks."

[TEENAGESfromMARS]

"Short end of the stick" - surely you either meant 'short straw' or 'wrong end of the stick'?

DFTBA

[AfroandBlondy]

@TEENAGESfromMARS Nice call on that. I didn't notice.

[littlemissowltopus]

@TEENAGESfromMARS actually... short end of the stick is a real expression, not sure where it came from, but it's real

[TEENAGESfromMARS]

@littlemissowltopus Well, now I feel silly! Thanks for letting me know :)

[littlemissowltopus]

@TEENAGESfromMARS it's cool! we're all a bit silly from time to time ^^

[saltyavocado]

SMUGGING -- IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MUGGING OR ILLEGAL TRANSPORTATION OF GOODS.

[BigFootLikesPie]

"I tried to smother him? That's not- that's just hugging."

Awesome. Smothering- It's just hugging.

[JasmineLucyElm]

do you know whats weird .. ? ive been vlogbrothers for a while now and knew john was an author , but the other day i got a book and decided to read it tonight but first i was going to go on youtube , so i did and when i did i saw your new video (from today) and the video had somthing to do with searching Hanks name on google so i decided to do it after i did i searched johns and looked beside me at the books name and realized it was John! after some serious searches i realized it was you, FATE?

[jayjjj3]

Are you kidding me John, I would love to have booklets that have been in your pants!

[oliveisoliver]

Which brother is the older brother, and which one the baby brother?

[SeverusSnapeOrSev]

@oliveisoliver John is older hank is younger =)

DFTBA

[TheAglover26]

@oliveisoliver John(the one in the video)is the oldest.He is 33.Hank is the youghest.He is 30.

[onytay75]

thats not smothering thats just hugging

[musicluv922]

@LikeRufus story of my brothers life. :)

[musicluv922]

when you mentioned Disneyland, i loved you that much more.

[dolphin64575]

Why?

[TheJerry220]

serously? your mother?

[umbrellenth]

I wish John talked about his experiences as a chaplain.

[55angietherockstar55]

When he said he was pale it made me sad because I'm several shades lighter than he is :(

[Bridgiedidge5]

Movie magic helps with paleness as well as shirt changing :)

[uglyfudge]

Oh! I saw those discussion guides online!

[LikeRufus]

"I tried to smother him? That's just hugging, that's not killing." - Story of my life.

[hereverydayadventure]

"get thee to steak and shake" LAWL

[abcdefgohmygoodness]

I could -CLEARLY- hear your mom saying "......You were really irritating"

[sweetness2828]

I have literally bought 12 copies of Abundance. I keep either lending them to people who don't give them back, losing them, or giving them away to share the joy. BUt any way it happens I don't feel bad becuase 1) i am helping henry matriculate. and B) Any way it rolls other people get the joy that is john green's writing.

[gelingelingx]

Oh god! It makes me sooo happy that it took you four years to finish Looking for Alaska. I mean, not happy in a schadenfreude way. But I'm writing on mine since like two years and yah, that's a relieve.

[vampirez103]

xD As the older sibling i feel your pain. One time when i was like i dunno, 4? My baby sister socked me in the stomach , then i fell over and she beat me with a plastic drum stick. I had an egg on me head the size of a golf ball for like two months.... THOSE THINGS HURT LIKE HELL!!!

[WateverWatever04]

Why are the covers in the video different from the ones I see on the books from my library? Is it 'cuz I'm Canadian? Only Looking for Alaska is the same as what you're holding.

[Tiniere]

@WateverWatever04 That's Quite strange actually. I didn't think we had different covers here, I have the same designs on my copies of John's books, now I want to see these special Canadian covers xD

[WateverWatever04]

@Tiniere Yet another reason why Canada is AWESOME! lol

[anchimel]

I found out a few months ago that my mom used to chase her little brother around with a hammer. I'm not sure what I think about this...

[amygillies95]

Thats just hugging......Thats not killing.

[Medafets]

I found Vlogbrothers with this video.

[BeeGK]

so, when i was a baby(like 9 months old.) my brother(4 at the time.) got the chicken pocks. needless to say, my mother warned him.

"jack, dont go near the baby, ok?"

and my brother was like.

"uhh ok."

so naturally he went to my crib and licked my face.

i got the chicken pox really bad.

especially in the facial region.

so yeah, i kinda win on the sibling abuse front...

[Emi183]

@Phoenixflameangel the +400 says so too :P

[Breetwee]

Being the older sibling automatically makes you the criminal. -__-

[KudoXYukiko]

@Breetwee ugh tell me about it. i'm the family maid because i'm the oldest

[HelloKaty14]

"I'm clearly not an expert in the field of finishing."

there is a sexual joke there I know it!!!

[windsockstudios]

@TheInfernobird good for you.

[strickerman101]

He blinked I saw him blink I saw it, it happened

[BroadwayFanatic2008]

An Abundance of Katherines is one of my favorite books. Ever.

[zoemonkim]

A video titled hank tried to kill me with a hammer has 98404 but....

dont suck on that bone is 140993

[awfullyrandom]

"This is not a fancy camera trick; I am really that pale."

Its okay, John. :)

[Corey5268]

My sister once chased me around the house trying to stab me with a fork...My dad had to grab her and take the fork away -_-

[EpiskeyPM]

YOU wrote An Abundance of Katherines?? I love that fracking book.

[survivalgun]

whats the advanced reader copies

[kelseyhm]

@survivalgun It's the copies of the book that are pre-released, It's the book privately released by its publisher before the book is printed for mass distribution.

[survivalgun]

whats the differance between brotherhood 2.0 and the other 1

[JessieLightyear]

@survivalgun what's the other one? B2.0 was the first year (2007) and the rest of the time it's just vlogbrothers

[iamemilyrosex]

One time when i was younger, i took a pair of handcuffs (yes, they were real. I ahd a key and everything) and handcuffed my sister to something in the bathroom then locked the door on her so she couldn't get out. I'm not sure if I was trying to kill her or anything, but now that I look back on it, it sure was funny.

(I could lock her in from the outside because I stole my mum's key to the bathroom XD)

[mollypotter15]

old phone... hahahah...(: