Joad Cressbeckler Fears Genetic Modification Causes 'Wrath-Minded Taters'

[CarbineKingClassic]

Tater disease what brung us the Irish.

[NewMargaritaville]

"Essential" The Weekly Standard

[TheCrunkSkunk]

"Tater disease what brung us Irish!"

[Computerdisplay]

I could definitely see O'Reilly threatening his guests with a knife at the mention of genetically modified potatoes in a few years.

[toocoolotool218]

Who is this actor!!? He's amazing!!!!

[detox8388]

"Gonna have my jug band back here and if Jasper don't let me strum the washboard we're gonna resort to cutting." HAHAHA!!! Where the hell does The Onion come up with this stuff?

[canufi]

Joad Cressbeckler is not funny

[PunKarmus]

"Who and what's behind these potato monkey-shines!?"

[SilenusTheSecond]

I didn't understand what was going on at first, but then I realized he's afraid of 'tater revenge. I'm now scared too, cause I also done did terrible things to 'taters!

[Boobalopbop]

@SilenusTheSecond I baked like 3 of them yesterday... I hope the rest of the potatoes in the bag ain't bubblin' for revenge.

[437thx1138]

More Joad!

[greiteneis]

What can you say? Ol' man Joad likes his Washboard. And don't be messin' with his taters now, ya hear!

[Bablet16]

"Tater diesease what brung us the Irish!"

...I don't care about my background, JOAD 2012!

[hoho69]

please come out with more Joad. This is breakthrough stuff!!! Hurry!

[b0010100b]

Joad's face @1:06 just made me spit water on my key board IRL!!

lmao!

pay this man whatever he asks to produce these videos daily.

he's comic a genius! His timing is dead on!

[georgetcr]

His pause at 2:00!!!

[PCEggo]

This does kinda give you the same feeling after an episode of glen beck ends.

[SRP50]

Joad is the greatest ally the American people have today.

[loqutor]

Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew~

[thenotice]

i fucking love this character and will become him on accident.

[housecry]

I've got tears streaming down my face. LMAO

[jaydubyuel]

WHERE TH' HELL IS OL' JOAD

[PsychoJosh]

"Gillette releases golden razor that only nicks the impure of heart"

[MerphNUBS]

I will be more wary of the taters from now on. We all thank you for your education message, Joad!

[steveca057]

Dumb.

[MoosGraffiti]

tater disease what brung us the irish.

[Mxlsptlk]

I am afraid of a man-taters lust for revenge. Joad is dead on.

[zzyzx0788]

Ron Paul 2012? Pfffft. Joad Cressbeckler 2012

[darthspeaks]

I'd take Joad over Obama.

[Lennybrucelee13]

I wonder what his cue cards look like.

[FreakyKing2]

This is Bill O'reilly in 30 years.

[override367]

@FreakyKing2 or Sean hannity today...

[gpizzle123]

"tater disease what brung us irish"

this show needs to be a weekly thing. daily even. it's awesome.

[papersplease]

YOU GOT GAVE A MIND OF A TATER!

[papersplease]

Now y'all stay close here. Gonna have mah Jug band back here...'n Jesper don't let me strum tha washboard we're gonna resort to cuttin'.

ROFLMFAO!!

[kevinjb7]

I cannot handle 1:24 to 1:53 hahahahahaha

[AnElephantsChild]

This is the sort of article that SHOULD win you a Pulitzer Prize.

[JackHill45]

Joad's facial expression at 1:06 is my new religion.

[clockworkninja09]

Cause I got my good friend Colonel James Bowie right here, same as cut the Chinese!

hahahahaha epic

[DrazharX]

"japanese remake of 'the hangover' a terrifying ghost tale"

[doubledodeccagon]

NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME 'TATERS! I DUNNO IF YOU GREW YER EARS YET BUT IF YOU DID KEEP THIS MESSAGE IN EM 'FORE YOU COME LEAPIN' OUT OF JOADS POT! CAUSE I GOT MY GOOD FRIEND COLONEL JAMES BOWIE RIGHT HERE, SAME AS CUT THE CHI-NESE!

[xSpArTiChRiSx]

TURN ON THE CLOSE CAPTIONS LOLOLOLOLOLOLHAHAHAHALOLOLHAHA­HALOLOLOLOLOLOLOL LMFAO

[Wallrnr722]

tater disease what brung us irish

[Davisrullzs]

Damnit, give me subtitles >_>

[Niluxs]

I have a new hero!

[TheCameljockie]

Joad isnt Irish, he's scottish, from the 'Hill and Billy' Clinton area of Arkansas. The Red-Necked Irish moved to Georgie, Alabama and Texas. Come on Joad, stop fooling yourself... Its okay today to be scottish in public today, its not the 1950's anymore.

[Chunkboi]

Mako Tsunami was a senator?

[TonyRedunzo]

Joad for president grizzled party 2012

[MrSotaPhonk]

I WANT MORE!

[TutKatan]

Turn on the transcribe.

[groam6666]

I have to be honest. I'd rather listen to him, than anyone one on else else. I mean, I jit just makes sense.

[DamnYourReallyUgly]

Cressbekler always has surprisingly good friend that can kill instantly...that why cressbekler is a real reporter...lol hes not full of shit.

[DamnYourReallyUgly]

If cressbekler was on any mainstream News channel I would watch it every night.

[dutchbert420]

Wait. i cant tell he that is bill O Rilley or just works on writing his scripts

[caulkins69]

His folksy expressions make more sense than Dan Rather's.

[FreakyKing2]

Is this supposed to be a Fox News parody....

[djfinex]

Ya'll don't like this here comment, I got Colonel James Bowie here same as cut the Chinese!

[DamnYourReallyUgly]

Don't touch ma taters!!!

[tatsujinMasurao]

Joad 2012

[jovius34]

@tatsujinMasurao The Onion actually does brilliant liberal parody over the decades. its always on the same theme: the liberal bent toward making sure every decision, no matter how small,is studied from every possible angle, from every conceivable perspective. In the late 90's Onion did a print "Point Counterpoint" with Jimmy Carter vs. Reagan on a situation with the PLO. Carter's column was a page long call for caution and fact gathering... Reagan's was three words: "KIll the bastards" :)

[Takiado]

this guy is hilarious!

[calixa]

im bubblin for more cressbeckler

[Dacadvid]

I love how World Net Daily was one of those listed as praising Cressbeckler's book. Maybe that part wasn't a joke though; they are crazy enough to think the Onion is real.

[phiphers]

its ok its mexican DNA

[thecapone45]

@phiphers wtf you talking bout????

[meteorogicalmix]

"Cause I got my good friend Colonel James Bowie right here, same as cut the Chinese."

[mrsnoogle]

wat?

[MarkArandjus]

Tree bark covers? Hardcore!

[Fleshy91]

You got gave the mind of a tater!!!

[adivinity]

GLENN BECK!!

[thenygiant56]

tater disease what brung us them irish. hahahah so clever

[itarethetroll]

lol, advertising his book on his news show...demonstrating a complete lack of understanding of science...so much like O'Reilly and Beck

[thecapone45]

277 people are Wrath Minded Taters!!!

[realbeautyness25]

I love Joad !!!! Joad Cressbeckler will you marry me. Make me the happiest woman ever !!!!!!

[metalisbetter1o00]

RAAAUGGGH BRARG CROUGHTR BUUR cuttin'

[VitaNuovaRevolution]

Japanese remake of the hangover, huh? I would so see that

[ThirdRAILKink]

"...if they don't let me jam on me old washborad we're gonna resort to cuttin'!"

Best line ever.

[Slaught1004]

I replay the whole thing just to read the underbar.......its

surprising worth the whole 2:34 of my life

[Fitzcard]

It's O'reilys cranky old father, its starting to make sense now.

[lassek85]

The DNA modification will end up in one thing, evolution (that is supposedly stopped by human in the plant, but as far as i know they did the same to trees and that didnt take too long til they started spreading) - starting proprogatiive cycle with natural ones.

After that "we" will have changed things for good.

[Kidzilla99]

"That you can give a mans inside to a spud..." indeed sir

[ironmap]

Cressbeckler I my new favorite thing about the onion

[K9Negative]

not one of my favorite onion new vids

[fitznicely]

Cressbeckler IS the Tea party.

[Confucius4GETBaC]

GETBaC be runnin dah YouTube hood ya'll! Yuu juss can't stop dah powah uv dah skeet yo!!

[Fibonacci1334]

Are we supposed to be able to understand what he's saying? im confused

[adgato75]

@Fibonacci1334 i understand every single thing he says.

[fluff125]

They have a great conservative parody, but now they need a liberal parody. How about an unhinged alcoholic who quotes shakespear and talks about suicide?

Then him and Cressbeckler can debate! The debate can run in 2012 and relieve tension for the presidential race.

[CenkIsAdorable]

@fluff125 I wasn't aware alcoholism was a liberal stereotype. Isn't that more of the drunk redneck stereotype?

I also wasn't aware that if you quote shakespeare, that somehow makes you liberal also. In certain scenarios shakespeare quotes actually fit pretty well.

And suicide is now liberal? Hmmm....I think you got your stereotypes wrong dude. The liberal stererotypes that I know of are the 24 year old hipster who smokes pot and wears ironic clothing.

[otnomnoraa]

@CenkIsAdorable Being full of self-pity and self-hate is a liberal stereotype IMO; he never said suicide or alcoholism were liberal stereotypes, just like having a wooden leg and being a hermit aren't conservative stereotypes. But coming from someone who both takes The Young Turks seriously I wouldn't expect any different. Look at the concept; you can't take things apart piece by piece and expect to create a logical argument. The exception doesn't break the trend. Far leftism fails.

[FuriousRoellinghoff]

@otnomnoraa I think many liberal politicians are indeed full of self-pity and self-hate, and while conservatives too are chock full of self-pity and self-hate, repress it, allowing it to spring up where you'd least expect it, like policy issues.

As for voters, probably best not to stereotype anyone. Most voters are fickle and will go to whomever appears to hate themselves least.

[lassek85]

@FuriousRoellinghoff

You are a voter, the theorem of the medianvoter is only true if you believe it to be.

Yes it is effected as you study it.

[CenkIsAdorable]

@otnomnoraa LOL Being full of self pity and self hate isn't a liberal stereotype, it's a jewish stereotype. LOL I love stupid conservatives, you guys always put a smile on my face. Good luck with the tax cuts for the rich lol!

[otnomnoraa]

@CenkIsAdorable I'm not a conservative, but thanks for the reply.

[nelson3300]

@CenkIsAdorable keep stereotyping, douche

[Moxin667]

@CenkIsAdorable People like you are what makes politics unappealing. Uneducated, opinionated, walking projections of devolution. For the record, you're very stupid and fail to put a smile on my face.

Good luck with wiping that drool off of your bib lol!

[OmegaLesPaul]

@CenkIsAdorable I love how you mock conservatives by saying "good luck with tax cuts for the rich" when Obama just extended the Bush tax cuts for the 1% most wealthy. Clearly uneducated, and I see antisemitic as well.

I'm not a conservative, but just to let you know, (intelligent) conservatives aren't out to get the poor. They believe tax cuts and etc. for the rich will help the poor; IE the trickle down effect. This is how capitalism is meant to work.

[wmooring]

@OmegaLesPaul Except it pretty much doesn't historically. We're nowhere near the point on the theoretical Laffer curve where tax breaks to high income earners would have a significant stimulative effect.

[OmegaLesPaul]

@wmooring I know it doesn't actually work like that, but that's what capitalism was based on, it wasn't just let's fuck the poor.

[gpshaw1987]

@fluff125 great idea but it'll never happen the fellows at the Onion have drunk so much liberal Kool-Aide they'd never make fun of one of their own.

[armenglish]

@fluff125

I don't think it's supposed to be a conservative parody. It's just that an irascible, narrow-minded hick from the 18th century is a funny character, and that demographic just happens to have similar values to today's conservative party.

[kristinloveschevys]

@armenglish wha?? oh bother. He's hilarious.

[FeanorRed]

@fluff125 Hi, not everything has to be liberals vs. conservatives. Satire shouldn't need to be politically balanced.

[danieltuent178]

@fluff125 that doesnt seem very political... or funny, plus it seems more like something the amanda show would do, not the onion

[macacaraca]

This is pure gold, but my favourite part is where Joad "realizes" Robert Salkin 'got gave the mind of a tater'. The best, most sincere, senile rant face ever!

[RaunchyLarry]

What happens at 2:00? He suddenly pauses and goes crazy!

[AnimatedSyeko]

@RaunchyLarry Well...he starts freaking out that the other guy is sayings there's no need for conspiracy, and then he stops mid-sentence because he realizes that the guy must be "potatoe-minded".

[AnimalShoah]

I kind of hate this character. I love the onion, but this character is just annoying to me.

[AnimatedSyeko]

@AnimalShoah Don't worry dear. He's not for everyone. Just people who aren't fucking stupid.

[AnimalShoah]

@AnimatedSyeko Ha! What a guy! So funny and clever. Relax, moron. It's just fictional news video. I won't rip on him anymore and you can continue your benevolent crusade to defend his honor. I just don't like this character and you're right. I am "fucking stupid" for that :)

[AnimatedSyeko]

@AnimalShoah Fo' Sheezy.

[AnimalShoah]

@AnimatedSyeko Yeah ... sheezy. Anyway, I'm gonna go. You have everything you need, here? Yes? Okay, then. Take care, retard.



[AnimatedSyeko]

@AnimalShoah Hahahaha! Oh mah gosh. You're like that other sister. It's beautiful, and funny. And kind of lame all at the same time! You're just precious.

[AnimalShoah]

@AnimatedSyeko Wow! I guess that makes you my 'down-syndrome' version of Giovanni Ribisi. I can't remember which one was dumber ...

[JandritoBlues]

Tater disease what brung us Irish.

[Dacadvid]

Hmmm, I notice that Joad's book was praised by World Net Daily. How appropriate, but don't compare Glenn Beck to this guy. Joad can't help that he has a dialect/accent. Beck chooses to rant nonsensically about the communist/socialist/fascist/Ma­rxist/Muslim/Progressive/athei­st/Satanist George Soros conspiracy.

[calixa]

I would be fine if the onion went Cressbeckler 24/7

[11151225]

"Tater disease's what brung us Irish!!"

[Eso8911]

We need more Joad Cressbeckler!

[scalymanfish111]

YA GOT GAVE A MIND OF A TATER!!!

[Joeweeeeeeee]

this is like the o'rielly factor

[PsychoJosh]

Tater disease 's whut brung us the Irish.

[ZetaNeubourn]

These new fangled science people are cookin' up something harsher than a skunk on a Tuesday, I tell you wut. :I

[SphericLoss]

Keep them sorcerers away from our taters!

[vaeates]

"shavin's from my spanish leg". Tremendous.

[swagger93]

now you could give a man's insides to a SPUD first thing you'd do is you'd start bubblin' for revenge

[Monolith21000]

The sad part? Still more intelligent than Sarah Palin

[PeniciIIin]

infowars.com

[Fandalg]

"Now Tater d'sease what brung us the I'rish!"

At least he knows his history.

[OgreMECH]

@Fandalg Well, he lived it!

[Fandalg]

I cried when Cressbeckler didn't beat out mccain in the primaries. He was so much more belligerent and cantankerous than McCain, and was far more fitting for the republican ticket.

[PsilocybinNinja]

Everything Joad says is pure comedic gold!

Lmfao

[bohallor]

"Tater disease what brung us the Irish!!!"

[Sylar03]

Needs subtitles.

[duottdaenur]

English is not my native language, but I love watching onion on youtube, but this time I didn't get a word this guy said. Could someone tell me if the guy said anything intelligible or it was really just "bla-bla-grululu-bla-bla-bla" as I heard it..

[Fandalg]

@duottdaenur

I know a lot of old guys like him. It takes months of exposure to understand their crazy banter, even to a native speaker.

[Agnotio]

@duottdaenur I think I got about 60% of it. Listen a few more times.

[Youtuuuber]

@duottdaenur

XD He has a VERY thick southern accent.

1:07 "'Tater disease what brung us the Irish"

Rough translation: "A potato disease is what brought us the Irish"

[milkbone28681]

@duottdaenur Would you-all like a translation?

[thecapone45]

@duottdaenur LMAO! Rednecks is what we would call him..

[Fitzcard]

@thecapone45 He's a hill billy, not a red neck. Learn your terms for people. Hill billy's came over when King William of Ireland/Scottland/England was was replaced and Catholic Irish and Scotts chased protestant protestants supporters out of great britian and into arkanasa and surrounding areas in the 1700's. Were they stayed for around 200 years self exiled from the world.

Red Neck is any white person who works a blue collar job in the sun.

[thecapone45]

@Fitzcard hey dude guess what!... idc

[DamnYourReallyUgly]

@Fitzcard Sorry buddy you were close, Red neck is the same under Prince William at the time.

Red Neck is an American term that carried over from Ireland more than likely from the potato famine.

A red neck was a Hill billy- As the volunteer army to serve under prince William had to live near his castle, which was on the hills of Ireland, and they were determined by Wearing Red Scarves or bandanna's to show they were volunteers and always awaiting the sound of horn...

[thecapone45]

@DamnYourReallyUgly thank you very much, im like, wtf, he gone try to get all smart on me and i just said a random statement,,, i suspected even HE wasnt right,, ty for setting it straight though.

[DamnYourReallyUgly]

@thecapone45 No prob...I like trivial crap...

[BillyDa59]

@duottdaenur Most of what he says is 50-year-old slang words and phrases. A lot of native English speakers can't even understand this guy. He's a crazy old mega-conservative is the joke.

[Fitzcard]

@duottdaenur You think the Irish up in the hills are hard to understand you should try listening to the French from the swamp lands. Southern Texas is German,  they arent so bad as the Irish or french decendents, still though... Oddly enough the Dakotas are extremely German as well (50%+, then again most dont relieze that german are the main europeans in the US, followed by irish then british) and they talk different than the texas germans.

[ValarMorgoth]

This is stupid ...

[Zachdudeio2]

haha genius.

[w4gn0r]

I REALLY hope they keep this guy. This is so well done.

[nazidinosaurfungus]

Fucking sorcerers

[iSecksYou]

Colonel James Buoy right hurr... same as cut the Chinese.

[ZXephmor]

Onion>Every other news station, especially fox

[LuvableDork]

How do they find all of these awesome people?

[EreinionEluchil]

The Irish is a tater disease? Who knew....besides Cressbeckler.

[adgato75]

@EreinionEluchil hes referring to the Irish potato famine. he said "the tater disease brought us the irish.

[EreinionEluchil]

@adgato75 Ah. Well that's less interesting...and offensive.

[p0tazzium]

I swear to God I saw this guy on some Western movie on TV the other day

[Brenaim]

You're tater minded.

[gothkid287]

You want to know what the sad thing is? This guy makes more sense than everyone on Fox News put together!

[wwefanworld]

@gothkid287 AND MSNBC.... 

[gothkid287]

@wwefanworld I don't pay attention to them, they aren't even worth my time. The only reason I even bother with Fox News is because their retardation makes me laugh! XD

[AlliDoisLose]

@gothkid287

Let me guess.. you watch CNN? -_-

[gothkid287]

@AlliDoisLose Not hardly. I don't watch any news really. It doesn't interest me, nor is it any of my problem.