Messages From Our Troops To The Families They Can't Remember

[xviFallout]

I get its supposed to be comedy but do they really have to rip into the military?

[AresExodus]

@xviFallout They're not insulting it, really. It's not so much mocking the military as making comedy related to the military.

[ArtypNk]

LOOOL!

[m1c000l]

they found part of my hand lol

[SeCONdagenda1]

The Onion has a vendetta against geologists!

[snowbud13]

The Onion fails at military ranks and uniforms

[Jcolinsol]

@snowbud13

And not a single shat was given that day.

[TsaoMein]

Last guy is a Corporal but Onion put Cpt.(Captain) in front of his name

[repelghosts]

Your faithful husbands just fucked 5 gals from the H unit 3 eves ago...you stupid ass wives who sit at home all day wating for these pig-fuckers to come baaaaaack to meeeeeeeeeee! Piss ants the lot of you...Gemma

[EuchridEucrow1]

Things are good here, too. They found part of my hand.

[johnfox137]

poor dead gay guy

[TheYouwontgetit]

soldiers should die...

[welldone4]

@ 1:06 "So very erotically homosexually gay!"

i know it was tough for him to say that with a str8 face XD get it? huh? any1? lol

[meowbrunei]

This video is really kinda sad and not funny at all

[eldrewto55]

@ScotKorean That's because real life is dark.

[spencerisnice]

the onion has 420 videos

[1948rosa1]

can anyone tell me why are people still joining to this war??is it cause we still avenging 911 or cause our kids need to pay for their college cause lower income parents cant pay??what else we need to do to this country that hide in caves and cant face this super power in frontlines ..politics have people so controled, man another rome in history thats all i gotta say

[CarlTrooper]

@1948rosa1 You are a moron.

Lets see here.... there are many reasons why.

1) They are patriotic and like to fight for the country that people like YOU take for granted.

2) Student loan repayment plans (I graduated with my BA and owe 50K... military is not that bad of an option)

3) The economy is still awful... people can't find jobs (Joining the military will almost land you a job when you are done)

4) Amazing benefits

But I assume you are a little kid, and uneducated so you didn't know.

[percyjacksonfan10]

@420billion Shut up you gay ass communist anti American bottomfeeding rapist son of Satan

[pharaohoftheincubi]

@percyjacksonfan10 Compelling argument there sir. Did you go to university?

[hotlilgirl111]

this is such a fake hahahahhahahahhahahahahaha

[420billion]

your own government is responsible for the towers coming down....wath zero 9/11 fareheit. Every presedent since and at the beginning of the INVASION is a modern day hitler. By the way hitler was funded by the bank of england and the americas! They ended it when he decided he would take it all for himself.. do your research cunts!.

[MrRedtwentyfour]

this is fake cause those women weren't in the kitchen.

[sikvenum82]

Onion made a typo lol If the Ryan Hayes guy at 0:53 is a corporal the abbreviation would be CPL not CPT which means captain.

[athomicritics]

@Steelerguy6178 the true is i think your right im not american but i see a lot of video of the amazing atheist or the onion and when i see the comment i im like WTF america are you all mindless governement puppet and follow the tv like a cult ?

[soulinthewall77]

So very erotically homosexually gay!?!?!!? LOL They must have burst at the seams with laughter, take after take, after take...after take. They must have been like "No. We need to make this guy sound as desperate, and deprived as possible!!! Again!!!" And, we're going to save this one for the end! And we're gonna make some guy named "soulinthewall77" laugh uncontrollably. Because we're THAT brilliant.

[dragman707]

Thing are good here too, they found part of my hand. :)

[AdisaStrictlyBidness]

LOLLL the guy at the end priceless (x

[srh4l420]

i love you... hahaaha

[happycburger2]

@Steelerguy6178 GO STEELERS AND FUCK SHEEPLE!

[TheTriangulation]

eh, bad taste

[sayrah1290]

love how the made the united states army uniform look like a joke really classy. this would have been funny if they hadnt have done that. thats just disrespectful

[ManicParroT]

@sayrah1290 u mad?

[guitarsly111]

@sayrah1290 lol shut the fuck up loser

[XxPiMPiNPiNoYxX]

i'd like to drop all these fuckers in Afghanistan with me and my boys

[BBradshawProductions]

@XxPiMPiNPiNoYxX  so you and your boys gonna gangbang that last one?

[2012singularity2012]

@XxPiMPiNPiNoYxX ?? idiot

[CushiticSomalianMale]

lol! tha last american dude killed it.. fuucking closet faget

[DisMutiny]

@CushiticSomalianMale

You do realise its fake and their all acting?

[CushiticSomalianMale]

@DisMutiny

maybe you got me wrong, Offcourse i can tell none-sense fakeness from authenticity or in other words real stuff.. But fact still remains the last dude on the vid is a CLOSET-Fagget, again i repeat Closet-fagget... hence its pretty obvious...

[i000110001100]

@CushiticSomalianMale the point was that if he's found to be gay then he'd get sent back home. the character is a straight guy who wants to go home via "homo release" pun intended. that said, i'm usually the guy who trolls onion vids and poses as the oblivious guy who makes inflammatory remarks to spur an argument. glad i'm not the only one fighting the good fight. trollololol!

[1tephania]

@CushiticSomalianMale

He's pretending to be gay so that he will be kicked out of the military. That's the whole point of the joke.

[jogados]

@1tephania The others were joke too, black girl says: They managed to find my hand, and the other guy says: I'm gonna give you this ring that I found on this Iraqi woman.....

[LucasWitt15]

THIS IS DISRESPECTFULL!!!

[espark1089]

@LucasWitt15 lol maybe thats the point... we don't all blindly support every uniform

[SgtShnackendale]

@LucasWitt15 Comedy is like many things in life m friends, not to be taken sireously =)

[dandaman62]

@LucasWitt15 grow a sense of humor

[obamasmash]

@Sibs1990 who cares



[amartinjoe]

holy shit ! the last guy's act was pure gold!!!!

[Metallarn]

I'm so very eroticly, homosexually gay.

[TheScarletLust]

@Metallarn The last one was so sad because it was so true >.<

[vv41zx]

That is one way to leave the armyxD

[100PercentTHCfilms]

@vv41zx not anymore lol they repealed the do not tell policy XD lol

[billaa49]

Cpt is not Corporal Hayes...

[schnizelcreep]

Don't ask Don't tell much? lol

[hardstylelover1231]

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA I LMFAO WHEN I SAW THE LAST ONE!!

[splintercell186]

@hardstylelover1231 i know me too lol

[purplehatcult]

And now The Onion is reduced to a stupid 'week in reveiw' power point

[BananaWatcher10]

Holy Sheet...They Found Part of my arm....I will give this ring to u from a dead iraq women....I HOPE NO ONE IS WATCHING THIS " I am homosexually gay" ....is on tv man...

[TheZombieBird]

"i want to send a menssage to my secret gay lover Ben

[Fibonacci1334]

@TheZombieBird Not only did u spell MESSAGE wrong once, u spelled MESSAGE wrong twice u fuck

[eat4peace]

@Fibonacci1334

Not only did you spell 'you' wrong, you spelled 'you' wrong 3 times. You fuck.

[Fibonacci1334]

@eat4peace Yes thank u, thats the second layer of the joke.  do u think ur brain can handle the third?

[TheZombieBird]

"i want to send a massange to my secret gay lover Ben"

Ok...that was wierd

[footbalr074]

This is probably the least funny episode of the onion Ive ever watched

[ahmedonian]

@ 00:27 my favorite quote " things are GOOD here too, they found part part of my hand." lol

[OnlyTheWeakNeedHelp]

wow that acting sucked

[KillaTequilla83]

@OnlyTheWeakNeedHelp That was the point. They were reading flashcards because they had no recollection of their family and friends due to the trauma of the war. Its a very black humor. I laughed.

[Rubashow]

Actually this video is incredibly sad.

[farneyblakeley]

Jeez a bit of a downer, someone needs to speak to these troops about the importance of maintaining morale for the people back home

[splendid1000]

@TheShadowdude24

LOL she was being sarcastic...dumbass

[NewSarcaticRascist]

1:00 don't worry dude...the pentagon says "gays are more precious " :D

[StartledSloth]

I cant tell if this is supporting troops or making fun of them :P

[Ifeno]

I live in NC and i have a teacher named Ms. Winter...

[suntbelgae]

XD Onion is da best

[drinkycrow67]

wtf woman in infantry not possible...and where r the rests male chaperons btw?!?

[Ma010S]

Most them of did teror actions and saved them with their cameras as a proof to show everyone how animal they are!

[MsSunhappy]

I LOVE YOU

[specom]

Damn dude, if you want out, just smoke some dope and fail a piss test...

[stunashv]

lol. i love you

[Mehehehify]

Shouldn't those women be accompanied by male chaperons?

[jgtheman84]

hahahahahaha  he wants to get kicked out.

[goodguysdoll]

:52 RYAN HAYES!!!!!!! hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "I'm so homosexually erotically gay." I guess that would certainly get him kicked out! LMAO!!!!

[rivmikant]

Sadly this reminds me of one of those holiday messages from the troops. One guy looked like he'd seen some serious shit while he was there. Thousand-yard stare as they say.

[SuperPreciousMetal]

not one news source is factual, but this shit is great.

[canadian7233]

still cant believe the Onion news has been around since the 70's and morons still cant figure out if its real or not lol, shows how FOX completely makes people retarded. If this isnt real, am i real?? Where am I? Whats goin on?! Whats that? Please refrain from typing if you dont even stop to think about what your saying and where ya heard it from

[SlipAllCityToy]

@canadian7233

I love you <3

[lordkomodo123]

Shit I was gonna change my last name to Hayes and my first name is Ryan plus I'm black. But fuck that now

[chaosstarr]

@lordkomodo123 erm why

[freakypillow]

@AUDIOSOLO

You do know this entire channel is sarcastic and not in any way factual?

[AUDIOSOLO]

a ring off a dead iraq women, just what iv always wanted, god the american's are such freaks

[MissHappinesh]

The guy at the end made my day. I'm soo erotically gay xD I love youuu

[69JRocker69]

The gay guy (no offense) is a cpl. but it was cpt....

[32sane]

My friends dad tried to get out like that but the officer said "(prove it Fuck on the floor right here while you two qeers do your assfucking ill be signing your papers, so we can get your gay ass out of here" And they were not Faggots so they didnt assfuck and had to fight.

[marine5546]

The gay guy is a CPL not a CPT....

[Angora307]

Last one made me kinda sad... even if it was suppose to be a joke :[

[HaileyVerge]

Things are good here too; they found part of my hand.

[irkekler123]

if a was a terrorist i woud kill that women infantry and rape her body :P yeahhh ..

[METALMAN4Wii]

Yup Ryan is a Genius that's how you can leave the Army. it use to be back in the day you had to shoot yourself in the foot.....!

[TehHonkyTonkMan]

he says corporal yet the title says CPT.

[PrometheanRunGood]

@TehHonkyTonkMan Maybe he got promoted before the video aired

[Reluctanttreehugger]

LOL I love that last guy.

[MrCommentHater4]

this is bullshit, gays are not allowed in the army, fuck that homo at the end nobody wants to see it

[InfantryMarine2010]

female infantry? NICE

[TheH4M1D]

gay boy yuck

[noobkill16]

hahaha! how ironic. When i clicked this video i got an ad for the national guard.

[pricture]

@noobkill16 lol

[wisewarrior7]

@noobkill16 I got an add for the new King Arthur TV show that'll premire on STARZ soon lol

[mediblue9]

@wisewarrior7 I got one from Weight Watchers! Hmm!!

[TpendragonT]

@noobkill16 I don't find that too ironic, seeing as the national guard doesn't really get deployed overseas. They can, but its not something that happens often like other branches of the military.

[eleutheromaniac]

for all the ppl who are making fun of all the ppl who are 'acting like this stuff is real': you're being trolled.

ya gotta appreciate the irony, i think.

[porterbehling]

@eleutheromaniac that or some people are just that fucking stupid. 

[ArmyofUglyAnon]

The first one is the funniest, mainly because it's the most true. Silly kids

[Poliphorum]

The people that don't understand this is a joke are the same people that are glad homosexuals aren't allowed to join the military.

[gre68]

what? is this supose to be funny??

[vealer2]

for the dumasses ... this IS A JOKE NEWS WEBSITE !! OK so lol and relax gesssh 

[vealer2]

this is for ya dumbasses a JOKE NEW SITE !! KK ?

[ImWafflicious]

wait gays are kicked out of the army?! thank god now i feel safe about joining!

[mistereveready]

that last one was epic. Especially how he didn't break character.

[RickMerchantttt]

I HAVE to be the douche to say with the last guy, Ryan Hayes, they have him listed as Captain (CPT) Ryan Hayes in the video, whereas it should be Corporal (CPL) Ryan Hayes. xP

[YulKPitulate]

Worse than the numbnuts who don't get the joke are the knuckleheads who hit the numbnuts with half-assed one-liner putdowns in order to feel smart.

[daverkid18]

@YulKPitulate thanks for your opinion nub!

[rightyourwrong]

im gonna give u this ring i got off this dead iraqui woman

[ThePsychoReturns]

Well, it's a good thing they put that guy at the end, because nobody would have been able to follow that.

[PTFuZi]

fake

[TheVlogMan1001]

@PTFuZi of course it's fake, it's the Onion. It's all comedy.

[DeviantDManes]

@PTFuZi STFU

[dorgaorfa]

@PTFuZi you're an idiot.

[MyChannelisbeast]

I bet that black guy was sooooo mad when he got his lines.

[LatumWay]

@MyChannelisbeast Or maybe he thought it was funny. Just a thought.

[specom]

@MyChannelisbeast I was thinking the same thing. Hometeam was thinking, "Why I gotta read this shiite?"

[treemagnet88]

Donnie Karns seems retarded.

[fallenangel165]

because i am so very erotically homosexually gay

[deathbycupcake25]

love you to =)

[EllyMcCormack]

LOL

[eartina]

Google: Facts not Fairies

[evillttlimp]

they found part of my hand!! hahahhha

[TarenReyem]

i hope no one in the military is watching this because i am so very, erotically homosexually, gay

[CharlieFoom]

The troops can remember their friends and familys, I am one and everyone remembers. Now I know why you-tube is illeagal.

[keir193]

@CharlieFoom its spelled illegal. i doubt your really a soldier, but either way, take a joke bitch

[Phatency]

@keir193 Oh we're correcting each other's spelling now? The contraction for "it is" is spelled "it's", not "its". Also, the contraction for "you are" is spelled "you're", not "your".

[atreestump]

LOL he said Corporal but the thing said Captain. FAIL!

[bruin03]

@atreestump part of the joke

[insektl0gic]

love the ending

[MrThereper]

omg 40% of the comments cant decide if this is joke or true lol

[drkinzenbaw]

People are retarded

[911insidejob81]

"Operation Northwoods" in 1962 was a plan by government to stage acts of real terrorism on US soil and against U.S. interests and then put the blame of these acts on Cuba in order to generate U.S. public support for military action against the Cuban government of Fidel Castro.Kennedy did not approve it in 1962.Bush did in 2001. 9/11 inside job.

It is in wikipedia!!! google "Operation Northwoods"

[Bikertothemax1]

hey guys! classified goverment infomation is on GOOGLE!! IT MUST BE REAL!!! GOGOOGOGOGO!!!!!!!!

[drsta84]

@Bikertothemax1 It is!!!!! Its called Wiki Leaks.

[348joey]

Somehow I doubt that the government would want to destroy two multibillion dollar buildings, just so we could invade the third poorest country in the world.

[Cr1msonD3vil]

@348joey they would for oil, lol

[kalbahamut]

@348joey no way it makes perfect sense. Spend trillions and trillions of dollars over the next few decades... all so... uh... we make millions off of increased oil or heroin prices? uh....

[kalbahamut]

@911insidejob81 why do you keep posting this nonsense on videos from The Onion? Is it because we should take you just as seriously as we take the news in these videos? Oh wait, I just answered my own question.

[LosAldeanosBorracho]

They forgot their families? That is very sad.

[thepaesesai]

"things are good here too they just found part of my hand." lol

[Oli3TB76]

...HAHAHA

[pikachuthesquirtle]

the end is funny XD

[ToxicOdiousOne]

No sodomites in the military. How offensive. We won't debase ourselves like the UK. If we do America is dead and will be defeated with the next terrorist attack which will serve as an American funeral and a funeral for freedom.

[Cujoh]

one at the end he will be kick out because he wants to go home

[PokeCardMan]

rofl the last guy was funny shit

[TheUndertakerSaysRIP]

hahahahahaha ben fag

[argozempo]

It's important that Americans heed and welcome these heartfelt messages from our troops who have sacrificed so much. No matter how erotically homosexually gay.

[MrJKaboose]

Lol CPT. Hayes said he was a Corporal

[xFishNinjax]

LOL @ the end haha

[buddy1574]

that was pretty good

[almas702]

last guy is saying he is gay so that he can get kicked out!

[KristianCramer]

hello captain obvious...

[redeemer1kamili]

@almas702 Haha, I'm so naive, I never would have thought that!

[gramsci1111]

@almas702

Under the circumstances I would admit to being gay in a heart beat!

[p0tazzium]

@almas702 no shit, sherlock

[Zeldarulah]

@almas702 Truly brilliant deduction!

[MrPivotPie]

@almas702 That guy is a smart as Albert Enstine!

[SurgicalSniper]

@almas702 noooooooo really?...regular sherlock holmes here

[Wolvenfire86]

I so erotically homosexually gay?! rofl!!!

[backwoodsninja]

LOL! Was not expecting THAT!