I've never gone to the hospital for this cause my family know nothing about the fact I'm suicidal... My parents and my brother know I cut but I've never gone to the hospital for it cause they think I'm quitting... But I bet that if I had to I'd probably smuggle my scissors that I always use for cutting... And I cut as a distraction from life and all the hard shit and as a stress relief.
I snuck a razorblade into the psychiatric hospital once with me, they never found out. Kind of defeated the entire purpose of being at the psychiatric hospital though.Doesn't really matter any way; psychiatric hospitals ( in my opinion ) only make you feel worse about yourself.
I never needed to bring stuff in. There are plenty of ways to "improvise" Now this is really messed up but in my first stay there was another self injurer who "taught" me how to do it in kind of that setting. He told me tricks and often would pass along stuff I could use. I was 12 and in a really messed up way I looked up to him.
I've never told this to anyone this and it's been 13 years.
i always had a blade with me everywhere i went so i kept razors in almost all my shoes and during my 2nd hospital stay i had one in my slippers but only used it once because afterthat i was on suicide watch and couldn't have my own clothes.
i know this girl (she was a friend) & i knew i could tell her anything & so i told her that i SI & she was all ok i'm here for u then the next few days she tells me she started cutting & i was like k i've got your back then later i came 2 tell her about fam. problems & she just hands me a blade & i'm like woah i don't need this + we're @ school yet i take it then comes 2 find out by 6th period she told everyone she SI now she walks around calling herself emo idk if it's 4 attention but it's lame
i got told it was for attention too, and thats when i came to my senses and stopped. Its not worth it really. Because even if it was for attention, more the attention u get is negative. Dont be sad, try to look on the brighter sides of life. Dont let shit bring u down
I don't know where you live, don't know where you are in your life. So its not up to me or anybody else to judge you. Just wanted to say that to begin witI'm a nursing student currently studying mental health, I was brought to your channel while doing extra research for Tourettes. Your channel- which is like a public journal or diary, which you use as both an outlet, and a source- is very interesting. I suffer from depression, I sympathize with what you've been going through.
My dad is abusive and won't take me to the hospital even though I need to go.. I take a razor to school with me and cut there when I need to. I don't show anyone - I hide it up my sleeve.
I never brought blades into the hospital but I brought them into school (safety pins, scissors etc) and I didn't do it for attention I did it because I felt safer with them on me? I think anyway:) but I used to bring them everywhere even out shopping :/..
hey melissa its me again i gotta a question what should i say when people ask me about my scars and cuts ive been lost and didnt know wat to say when someone ask me i dont think they wouldnt understand why i do it and ive been recently told to go cut myself by an asshole were u ever bullied
with bullies there's nothing you can really say to make it better. They just want a reaction. I find it important not to stoop to their level. Dont say mean things back.
But for general people who are curious, it depends on what you are ready for. If you dont want them to know, just say that it's private or to avoid suspicion, say something to distract.
Yes I hurt myself in the hospital. I did it because, like you, I was somewhere it could easily be taken care of if it got out of hand. I also did suicidal things, because I would want to spare people I love from finding me. When I was there &I would have the insane urge to SI mostly it was to avoid suicidal behavious (which is why I was hospitalized) so I feel that it's 'acceptable' to cut. But I wished I had tools, because I would have been more sanitary, & I would have felt better quicker.
@idranktheseawater Thank you so much! I really like to read books that I can relate to, thats why I have read multiple SI books, and why I plan on reading yours. You are an amazing person and I can't wait till your next video. I love your new red hair btw. <3
I didn't bring tools in- I got them from other patients who encourgaged each other to SI. I don't think smuggling in tools is attention seeking unless you specifically do it for attention seeking. I know I didn't. I hated people knowing about my problem, and was always mortified when people brought it up in group therapy and whatnot.
depending on the person they may be seeking for attention.... but I'd think if they hurt themself like badly or wanted to hurt themself badly I doubt they'd be seeking for attention.if you brung tools for self harm to the hospital the person may feel more comfortable self harming there because they may just want to be hurt a little but if they like split a vein they would have help 1st hand so I guess some people would feel safer there..I've never done this but I was a self injerer.
I personally do not think it is for attention if you bring tools into the hospital. People need to relize yes some people do cut for attention but most don't do not. And when you are in the hospital you may want complete help or you may have just of wanted to get that one cut sewed and then leave so you are able to do it again the next time something happens stressful or not. But if you wind up staying if is very stressful and some people just need to do it. Because they are addicted to it fr
Others always pretended to wanting to quit, cut themselves a lot, told the staff about it...and got less trouble because they claimed to regret it, although they did not.
I guess, one of the biggest problems with treatment is the thesis "Somebody needs to quit SI- and then, everything is alright."
That leads to sooo many problems like quitting therapies and only speaking about SI...and then, there isn't any time left to talk about the real problems.
My good grandma died from that too- she also stopped eating and drinking. She was overweight but the last time i visited her she was a skeleton and weak looking, she was sleeping into death. I know how you feel, she rocked too, now im just left with a crappy one.
i did bring my razor blades to the hospital with me when i went. but than i ended up sending my purse home with my mom and just keeping paper and a few pens. i had gotten really desperate and needing to cut so i used the paper and took the pen apart trying to cut myself with pieces and the nurses never found out because i had my wrist covered and they never saw the marks that i had. i was glad i had sent my blades home. i dont cut for attention i do it because it helps me. im now 67 days free
I didn't bring anything to the hospital when i went, they took away my purse that had my razor. But while i was there, feeling desperate i found some sharp leaves while we were walking through the garden and put them in my pocket. I also found some broken pieces of sheet rock in a corner of a room that was somewhat sharp on some edges. I did try and use them while i was in the hospital but they didn't do much damage, however the nurses found out about it.
i take my lighter (and my metal thingy) to school to burn. no, its not for attention to carry tools. my friend who knows i burn doesn't even knnow that i carry it around. so i do it in the school bathroom. i go to a private school, so if i ever, get caught i'll get kicked out immediately. stupid stuck-up school...
i have brought things into the hospital and harmed when there , i soon realised that if i was in hospital for help i had to accept the help , and that by harming i was pushing that help away,
i believe harming in hospital shows you are nt ready to accept the help yet
But after, I just wish for people to see my scars or realize that I'm not okay, but I don't want to show them (a)
Sometimes I feel like I'm an attention whore, but I mean, I guess I just want someone to care. WOW, I never thought that I would admit that. Anyway, I guess I'm not the only one either. Sorry for my english, from Sweden. Wish you luck <3
Yes, I have "smuggled" tools into the hospital, and as like you I feel very stupid or ashamed now. Nurses are good for knocking sense into people. I also used anything I could find.
The attention thing.. ya sometimes I did it for attention but other times I just wanted a release. Some people who do it for the attention are just saying pay attention to me.. I am hurting.. not l am bored and want someone to look at me. If that makes any sense at all!(:
To continue (silly character limit): during my second hospitalization, I removed the staples from a magazine and used them to hurt myself. I also saved salt from my meals to mix with the ice in the patient kitchen, but they found out my plan to burn myself and put me on a 1:1 watch. The third hospital searched all of me, even had me shake out my hair. For my fourth hospitalization, I was determined not to hurt myself. I was there to get my act together. I've been SI-free since then (Nov. 11).
I never, ever brought blades into the hospital. I would be way too scared. But in the middle of my first hospitalization, at a German state hospital with virtually no security (they looked in my bag and took the allergy medicine out of there, but left my decorative pins alone), my mom brought in a backpack that contained (unbeknownst to her) a stockpile of pills and shaving razors. They never looked and never found them, but I didn't use them.
does it count for school because i bring it with me everywhere in my purse ?! and i dont believe its attention seeking at all either. sorry about ur granny i dont know what im gonaa do when my nanny passes on i love her too much !
keep ur chin up ur doing well and as a subscriber im proud of ya chick :D
im sorry to hear about your grandma mine died two months ago because her head was bleeding inside I tried to commit suicide because of it so I hope your doing alright and remain strong
and btw @5:15 It most certainly does not. All that means is that the medical establishment are attention seekers for not allowing people to maintain personal possessions.
My hospital story is that i was ther for 6 weeks, didnt bring in tools although i did sneak in food, tobacco, pipe and lighter to stay up all night with something to do. I put my leg through a wall once, into teh other side, where people were watching a movie, smashed a stereo, ripped off a toilet seat, ripped off my closet doors, broke my bedroom door several tiems, got put in the isolation room and smashed my head on teh wall, and graffitied the shit out of the bathroom
i made a tool in the hospital. i got a plastic nife and heat treated it beating it over the corner of my bed. then i heated it some more and melted of an edge. then i sharpened it on the brake on my bed. i could cut pretty deep but it was excrutiating
I'm sorry you lost your grandmother. You put on a very brave face for the video. x
I have smuggled tools into hospitals and 'places of safety' many a time, although whenever I'm taken to hospital/place of safety it's normally by police who usually undertake a search (I'm known by them to carry blades for self-harming) and if I ever get tools past them then I use them in hospitals. It is never for attention seeking, it just makes me feel better knowing that I have the option there. x :)
i dont think bringin sharp objects into the hospital is attention seeking, i dont think everyone who cuts its attention seeking sorry about yer granndma :(
Im so sorry about the passing of your grandmother, i have been a fan of yours for a long time and you've really helped me. Today you said something that really hit home for me, im glad that i can connect with you even more than before. I was not one for bringing blades into hospital, however i did used to take them out with me,eg. shopping, friends house, school.. i wouldn't feel safe with out it. Id always have at least 3 safet pins attatched to my clothes, and a blade in my bag or up my sleeve
You seem to be coping well with the recent unfortunate occurances in your life, and I am glad you aren't resorting to self harm (assuming). I have not ever "smuggled tools" into a hospital but I have taken blades from the art rooms at school before and hurt myself in the toilet cubicles before, I don't think that is on the same level because in a hospital you are being watched by medical professionals. I wouldn't say it is attention seeking, it just shows that you still struggle to cope. :\ xxxx
i have brought them in and i have hurt myself there....NO IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE A ATTENTION SEEKER!!!! i tried to hide mine for a while and it worked. no one saw...no one knew...i told them all i was fine
sorry for your lost. And i'm glad you shared your story about the hospital. I do believe some people might do it for attention...who does not like attention but i believe that many who do bring them unconsciously know no matter how hard they try they will get caught and will have to face their emotions and receive help from someone to deal with what they have been holding in alone for so long...n that is attention too.
The first and only time I went to the hospital I almost brought tools with me. I brought a lighter and and blade in my pocket and I was allowed to change by myself into the hospital clothes but I decided to leave them behind. In the hospital though, I tried to break my hand which wasn't good.
Jeez, in the hospital we were told to keep to ourselves. Attention from anyone was a break in the loneliness. I was the only cutter in the youth ward.
I have shown my scars online I'll admit. I can't redeem it but honestly, it gave me support when I felt alone. But I've never brought tools in the hospital. I did cut though, and in one I escaped (they didn't lock the doors at night, it was very unstructured) and I cut with rocks and got transferred. I felt emotionally unsafe. I needed the security, it wasn't an attention thing for me. The hospital didn't help at the time and I got what I craved for, but it was my wake up call to stop.
I had all four of mine out. Honestly it's a LOT better than when they start to rot then it'd REALLY hurt..trust me.. I had one of mine started rotting and the pain spread up along the entire side of my face. I thought it was my top wisdom tooth, but it turned out it was the bottom.
Condlances about your grandmother.. aging and growing up sucks sometimes
They were never really upset with me about the SI, they were incredibly good to me - upfront and clear, but always kind. I miss some of the people that treated me then. I'm still in therapy for other problems, but I don't SI anymore, or rarely anyway. I'm doing much better, and I was a total mess - I'd cut, feel better, get 57 stitches, go back to my room, feel bad again, and rip out the stitches. Nastiest scars ever. My point? We can all get better. Have hope. :)
Man, I'm late on this one. I could go on and on about the attention thing because it bugs me so much that people think it isn't serious if you're doing it for attention, but... some other time.
I was inpatient for a year and a half non-stop, and I wouldn't've made it through without SI. If I needed it I'd do it and then hide it. Anyway, eventually I stopped bringing in tools but then I would smash kitchen glasses and use that instead... I think they liked it better when I brought in tools. ;)
I love attention. Although I didn't show my wounds to others, I would constantly fantasize about others finding out and paying me attention. Almost everything I do I do while thinking about whether or not other people will like me.
And I'm very sorry about your grandmother. I hope your mother is doing well, or at least as well as she can, given the circumstance.
ok when i was in the hospital i did hurt myself self harm. i didnt do it for attention but however when i told the staff what i had did was for attention. it was days after i self harm. i had calm down so i knew i had to tell someone so i told the doctor. i did tell for attention because i knew i needed the attention to get help.i dont do it for attention i only tell people usually days after for attention. because i know i need it for help.
i don't think sneaking blades into a hospital is a sign of attention in most cases. i think it's shows that you're scared & you don't want to give up what's familiar. you're giving control to the doctors & nurses in the hospital so giving up the blade is just a too much for some. by you i don't mean you personally. i'll look into this book. i hope you're doing well & take care of your teeth. you don't want a dry socket.
I've never been admitted to the hospital myself, so I've never had to smuggle anything. Though, if this counts, I've taken them into the hospital before. My mom had cancer, and once we had to take her to the hospital, and I took them with me, and while I waited, I went to the restroom and used them. Not sure why, but I'm sure I did have that mindset of "at least it's safer since I'm in the hospital".
But I got my wisdom teeth out too. Not fun. But I kept the teeth and made them into jewelry. :)
Sounds like things have been tough for you recently Melissa, I am sad your Grandmother was in quite poor health towards the end, Must of been a sad time for you and your family. As for your wisdom teeth, I don`t remember you saying they were giving you any trouble? You kept that quiet! And as for bringing tools into hospital, They should search you better!
i brought in my scissors.... i was there for my anxitey and they left me alone and i did use them and they didnt notice, which i thought was good but now i wish they had
I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your grandmother - you have my empathy and condolences. I don't see how bringing tools into the hospital is attention seeking. It's a sign indicating how unwell you are at the time, which may get you attention as a result. People who say that cutting/suicide attempts are attention seeking behaviours don't understand mental illness very well, which is unfortunate. It just isn't that simple - it's crying out for help, which is different than seeking attention.
I've smuggled in tools. I've used things I've found there in order to hurt myself.
It doesn't mean that I'm an attention seeker. I just wasn't, and am still not ready, to give it up. I didn't want to be without. I didn't want to not have that ability.
Last time I was there, I used some plastic I got from the snack time, they had. And I used that to cut.
Used dehydration as a means of SI...
I didn't want to be there. And I wanted to have a feeling of control...You know?
I have never brought in tools, but at the hospital, they provided the hygiene products--including a brush. It was rough and would make my head bleed. And I used that in the hospital... I'm ashamed but I felt like I shouldn't have been there, because I was very in control of myself... Anyway, I don't think it's for attention to bring tools in. Because you just wanna have that safety net, and a lot of people don't understand that...
Also, I'm very sorry to hear about your grandmother. :(
I have smuggled in razors all the time. I have been known to hurt myself there also. and no i do not believe that you're seeking attention because you smuggle in raxzors.
I don't think its attention getting for me because even when I do injure myself in the hospital I try to hide it. I haven't brought things in with me but I usually find something even if its just using my fingernails
Sorry to hear about ur grandma. My thoughts r with u
I'm so sorry for the news about your grandmother. I am sending you my thoughts.
What did the nurse say to you?
about cutting for attention. if you say it's not for attention then it's not. but maybe it would be better to seek out attention if you need it instead of cutting. <3 even if's it is just to distract you from the pain
No, I don't think it is for attention at all. I personally carry around things In my purse just in case I get into a situation where I feel I need them. I self injured once when I was admitted into the Emergency Room, I had bobby pins in my hair and I just got done having a panic attack & felt like I was loosing it so I grabbed a bobby pin out of my hair and started going crazy. It only lasted a few min until the nurse walked by and freaked out on me but yeah, I have before just that one time.
i've been hospitalized unfortunately more than i can count. i always carry tools with me everywhere i go. it's oddly enough like a safety net for me. i haven't cut in a month but i know if something is more than i can handle i feel like i'm ready for it by keeping my supplies with me. when i was hospitalized i was so manic i was a danger to everyone, i cut myself in there and looking back maybe that was my body's subconcious way of screaming out for help,attention seeking in that way only
In one of the ones by where I live, they strip search you upon entering. You can't even wear underwire bras, and like sweat pants and sweatshirts with the draw-strings
It might sound stupid, but the last time I went, when they took me back for the strip search I slipped the razor into my mouth and kept it there... I've never cut in a hospital though, as it was pretty traumatic last time when a friend of mine borrowed the razor and she cut so deep that she needed to tell and get stitches. I was so scared that night that they would find out it was my razor and keep me longer since I was leaving the next day :/
I brought in tools the one time I was hospitalized, the first time I got a day pass to go home for the afternoon I hid them in my clothes and brought them back that evening. It was crazy though, all the people who cut brought tools in even though the staff would search you and your stuff. I unfortuneatly got caught once and had to go into the high observation room where there is only a chair and a bed and you aren't allowed to leave the room at all. I don't think its for attention in most cases.
it easily CAN mean that a person wants attention. but i would think sneaking tools sounds around would not be a cry for attention. if you wanted that you wouldnt care who sees.
i have only been to the hospital once when i overdosed and i didnt take tools with me coz i went in ambulance but the stupid nurse went and left scissors in the room and i cut very deep and needed stitches its not for attension its just to get rid of the urge or the pain or memories for me its just an everyday thing why change when your at the hospital
my mum works in a hospital and i came to work with her once and cut myself in the hospital bathroom,which in hindsight was idiotic. i carry tools 24/7 i guess its like a comfort. i dont think its attention seeking its just what we feel needs to be done at that moment.
I've never been to a hospital for cutting cause I'm always careful not to injure myself worse than I can take care of myself. I have a fear of hospitals, even when I'm just visiting people there, I get extremely panicky. I think that's the only thing that's kept me from hurting myself badly all this time. But I probably would sneak it into the hospital, not really with the intention of using it. It just makes me feel better to have something, like when I put safety pins in all my school uniforms
I personally believe in general self injurers are not seeking attention for the simple fact that in general we hide what we do from the world or most of it at least. And if we are hidding what we do it does not seem possible to me to be seeking attention in that form at the same time.
I am so proud of you!!!! You have come so FAR! Yes you have farther to go but wow!!! Way to go :) it breaks my hurt to see anyone do self injuries of any kind. The reason this happens is because there is a miss communication happening between the harmer and loved ones. My youngest son who has autism head bangs. I recently made videos of his melt downs and showed him. He was so ashamed that he was acting this way. It wasn't to shame him at all. It was to show him that what he is doing isn't work
i used to carry a razor around with me all the time, but for a while now i have managed to stop carrying them around with me...
i have never taken tools with me to the hospital but i have managed to use the hospitals equipment to cut myself and i did and no one new, i didnt get caught..
I take tools :( I feel like I need them as a safety net or something. And I don't always use them at the hospital, I just know they are there if I need them.
I have also cut at the hospital for attention. I don't usually cut for attention, and noone outside medical circles knows that I cut, but I was in the hospital once and it was more of a way of saying 'HELP!' 'I need help' 'I'm slipping under and don't know what to do so HELP' lol.
The first time I was in hospital I took tools in. I keep razors in my makeup bag, which I take to school. The first time I was taken to hospital from school. The 2nd 3rd 4th time i didnt
The last time I was in hospital I hadnt brought them in but after the first 4days my hands were shaking nd just scratching and biting wasnt enough so I got my mum to bring my makeup bag to me.
Im ashamed of cutting in hospital too but Its not attension seeking.
OMG hun sorry to hear that your grandmother passed...my nanny(thats what we called her) passsed when I was 14 from an anurism...one of the hardest things ever I went through....I love your vids they are very inspiring to help me stay safe from myself...been having alot of thoughts about cutting lately...ive brought "tools" into a hospital before and got found out..Keep the vids coming :)
I am soo sorry about your grandma. I almost cried. I didn't know your grandma but I hate people dying. I wish, we wouldn't have ti get old and die, so we don't have to cry. Someone get what I say ?
And, I brought my blades to the hospital, too. You don't have to be ashamed. I guess everyone does it once.
im really sorry to hear about your grandmother :( and i havent been in hospital for sh but if i did have to i probably would bring tools well maybe. and i dont cut for attention :)
careful with your wisdom teeth inscisions! I had a tiny fish bone stuck in one of mine and my cheek ended swelling back up like 6 months later. Not fun. The painkillers were kinda I guess.
I have brought tools into the hospital. I hid one in my journal once, but I fessed up to that. However, I didn't tell them about the one I hid in my cosmetics bag and I used it while I was there. I've also extensively searched for sharp objects while there and used them. I've broken pieces of wood off the beds, used paperclips, etc. I am ashamed sometimes of this, but I never cut for attention. I did it for myself.
Also, I'm sorry about your grandma. My grandma died in April and it was hard.
needing attention and cries for help are exactly that, needing attention and needing help. not a sign of a bad person. but a person in pain and unable to ask for help in a direct way.
i don't think smuggling is nec. attention seeking, depends on the person. for me, i'd take them if i didn't trust that i could go without them. i'm something of a squirreler, meaning i hide and stash things. it makes me feel safe. or made. now i just think it makes me feel weak so i avoid that behavior.
Do you realize how funny you are? You really are adorable and hilarious.
Anyhow, I've never really been able to smuggle blades in to the hospital because all my hospitalizations were against my will, so I couldn't really prepare. One place I went though - there were these mechanical pencils - the only writing utensils we could have - and the spring inside was super sharp. People were cutting with the pencils like crazy and none of the hospital staff knew it. It was ridiculous.
We're really sorry for the loss of your grandmother. Take care of yourself :) My grandfather has alzheimers too and it's a really hard thing to live with both for him and us.
As regards to the video topic: I have taken blades into hospital behind my phone battery - it wasn't for attention, I cut in the toilet but it wasn't so bad that anyone had to help me with it so yeah.. but I was only there for a few days.
i am sorry for your loss honey. Just remember they never truley leave us. My dad passed away 10yrs ago and i still believe he is with us. Stay strong and i hope you are feeling better <3<3<3<3
the thing abut ur wisdom teeth, that kinda freaked me out cuz im having mine pulled in 2 weeks. did it hurt alot after the fact? im being put under for it too
How 'bout you define words or phrases as a dictionary would. As attention seeker what. How 'bout you talk 'bout loneliness. I don't think you've talked 'bout that. How 'bout that.
When I was in the hospital we had an outting and one of my firends bought some razor blades and gave one to me but I didnt keep it. Even if you dont smuggle tools in there will always be ways you can hurt yourself. Attention seeking is one of the most common "names" that is given to someone who self harms. I hate that! I have a doc who think I am doing this all for attention. So she does not give me the time of day that I need.
lucky I have never need to go to the hospital since I started but if I had the chance to bring them I would bring them to make sure I was ok but same goes for skwl at the moment and I haven't used them at skwl or on the way to skwl in 6 months so I probably wouldn't use them, on the other hand I have been questioning my self, maybe I am an attention seeker because I have become ok with showing my scars in public... why would I do that unless I was asking for people to ask about them :/
No it doesn't make them an attention seeker. Yep I've brought in tools and hurt myself in hospital and don't feel bad about it because I was badly unwell and I wouldn't dare tell any other patients or staff.
Well im bulimic and im a cutter and im only 16 and if i were admitted to the hospital again, it would be the second time, i would definitely smuggle in a razor blade. i would hide it in my sock or wherever i could get away with it. but im sure they have cameras everywhere in the hospital so i wouldnt get away with cutting in there.
Sorry about your G-ma. My Great G-ma passed of Alzheimer's, but she was in Germany. It was sad just to hear about it from my mom. I couldn't imagine living through it all. *hugs*
Funny thing about 'smuggling' for me is that I have a pair of flip flops that I have embedded razor blades into. Sad thing is that it's 'just in case'.
Could you tell me the name And author of that book you were talking about . I'm trying to research for a better understanding of why my sister cuts. So I am reading all the material I can find. With best regards, Lauren
It's basically an insight into a teenage girl cutter's life. It will really give you a great understanding on the subject.
Also, thank you for trying to understand instead of turning away from your sister. too many people these days turn their heads when this subject comes up because they think it's taboo.
Its sad when someone passes,my aunties allways used to say whenever I left on visits "TO BE CONTINUED ".!So I reflect on those words,life was just a show to them.Guess it kinda is.Its a bummer though,were all going somewhere but its
"TO BE CONTINUED ".
Keep some inner strength,I love just going somewhere and yelling when this happens,then I`ll hear my inner auntie say "your waking the neighbours"sssh.
I don't think it's for attention, but rather for control.
Studies have show that being in control or believing that you are in control of a situation reduces the level of stress and anxiety, as opposed to not being in control.
Google 'the effects of the prediction-control confound' if you want to read about it.
Bringing tools into the hospital most likely made you feel more at ease, even if you did not plan to use them. But did you bring them with the intent to use, or just in case?
i've been hospitalized many times for suicide attempts and i used to bring razorblades and pills with me (and since i'm a smoker.. cigarettes were great tools for burning myself).. then i would cut myself and take the pills. and this happend a few times, one of the nurses said that i should do it at home instead. anyway.. i don't think it's attention seeking! yeah, i guess that's it. i don't really have anything else to say/write..
I don't think it's for attention unless you show off your wounds (or other evidence) and do it infront of other people. You are a very brave person to be so honest and open with everyone. I am so very sorry for the lost of your grandmother, just remember that she can now rest in peace and that she isn't it pain anymore :)
I have never been hospitalized for my SI (have been for my diabetes that almost killed me though D:) but if i were to be hospitalized for it, I know I would try to smuggle.
I've never gone to the hospital for this cause my family know nothing about the fact I'm suicidal... My parents and my brother know I cut but I've never gone to the hospital for it cause they think I'm quitting... But I bet that if I had to I'd probably smuggle my scissors that I always use for cutting... And I cut as a distraction from life and all the hard shit and as a stress relief.
Yoshibear1998 3 weeks ago
I snuck a razorblade into the psychiatric hospital once with me, they never found out. Kind of defeated the entire purpose of being at the psychiatric hospital though.Doesn't really matter any way; psychiatric hospitals ( in my opinion ) only make you feel worse about yourself.
ToxicImagination 2 months ago
@idranktheseawater How did you tell your parents that you were a cutter?
xXonlykindacrazyXx 3 months ago
@xXonlykindacrazyXx
I went with my mom when she took the dog for a walk. That way we were alone, and then I told her that I was a cutter.
idranktheseawater 3 months ago
I never needed to bring stuff in. There are plenty of ways to "improvise" Now this is really messed up but in my first stay there was another self injurer who "taught" me how to do it in kind of that setting. He told me tricks and often would pass along stuff I could use. I was 12 and in a really messed up way I looked up to him.
I've never told this to anyone this and it's been 13 years.
Had to get that out.
MrFlutterPie 4 months ago
hi
missunderstud13 7 months ago
i never go anywhear without my blade
missunderstud13 7 months ago
i always had a blade with me everywhere i went so i kept razors in almost all my shoes and during my 2nd hospital stay i had one in my slippers but only used it once because afterthat i was on suicide watch and couldn't have my own clothes.
NewWind333 7 months ago
I used to bring razorblades to the closed section of the mental hospital hidden inside my shoes... And nobody ever notices, which is good.
I'm sorry about your grandmother.
MissStillAlive 7 months ago
i know this girl (she was a friend) & i knew i could tell her anything & so i told her that i SI & she was all ok i'm here for u then the next few days she tells me she started cutting & i was like k i've got your back then later i came 2 tell her about fam. problems & she just hands me a blade & i'm like woah i don't need this + we're @ school yet i take it then comes 2 find out by 6th period she told everyone she SI now she walks around calling herself emo idk if it's 4 attention but it's lame
dropxdeadxbarbie123 7 months ago
i got told it was for attention too, and thats when i came to my senses and stopped. Its not worth it really. Because even if it was for attention, more the attention u get is negative. Dont be sad, try to look on the brighter sides of life. Dont let shit bring u down
evilpiggehz 7 months ago
I don't know where you live, don't know where you are in your life. So its not up to me or anybody else to judge you. Just wanted to say that to begin witI'm a nursing student currently studying mental health, I was brought to your channel while doing extra research for Tourettes. Your channel- which is like a public journal or diary, which you use as both an outlet, and a source- is very interesting. I suffer from depression, I sympathize with what you've been going through.
brykry3000 8 months ago
My dad is abusive and won't take me to the hospital even though I need to go.. I take a razor to school with me and cut there when I need to. I don't show anyone - I hide it up my sleeve.
vbfreak9231 8 months ago
I never brought blades into the hospital but I brought them into school (safety pins, scissors etc) and I didn't do it for attention I did it because I felt safer with them on me? I think anyway:) but I used to bring them everywhere even out shopping :/..
selfharmadvice 8 months ago
No, but I have brought in tools and cut at school, more than once. No one noticed anything, which was good, and they happened when I needed.
jeska1995 8 months ago
hey melissa its me again i gotta a question what should i say when people ask me about my scars and cuts ive been lost and didnt know wat to say when someone ask me i dont think they wouldnt understand why i do it and ive been recently told to go cut myself by an asshole were u ever bullied
nocklon 8 months ago
@nocklon
yes, I get bullied
with bullies there's nothing you can really say to make it better. They just want a reaction. I find it important not to stoop to their level. Dont say mean things back.
But for general people who are curious, it depends on what you are ready for. If you dont want them to know, just say that it's private or to avoid suspicion, say something to distract.
If you dont care that they know, just tell them.
idranktheseawater 8 months ago
What was the book called ?
Rebelous13Headstrong 8 months ago
@Rebelous13Headstrong
Secret scars, by Abigail Robson
idranktheseawater 8 months ago
So what would the hospital do to you if they found a blade? or seen u cutting?
Rebelous13Headstrong 8 months ago
@Rebelous13Headstrong
They would put me in isolation or tie me down
idranktheseawater 8 months ago
Yes I hurt myself in the hospital. I did it because, like you, I was somewhere it could easily be taken care of if it got out of hand. I also did suicidal things, because I would want to spare people I love from finding me. When I was there &I would have the insane urge to SI mostly it was to avoid suicidal behavious (which is why I was hospitalized) so I feel that it's 'acceptable' to cut. But I wished I had tools, because I would have been more sanitary, & I would have felt better quicker.
MandyByken 8 months ago
i am sorry fo your loss i know what it feels like to loose a grandmother
christianteen92 9 months ago
I am so sorry for your loss, my uncle died last week, and it was the first time I ever hugged him on Easter before he died.
calebstarnes5 9 months ago
If you ever remember the name of the book, would it be possible to let me know or post a video or something? I would love to read it.
Much love-
BloodyTears
xBloodyxxTearsx 10 months ago
@xBloodyxxTearsx
The name of the book is "Secret scars" by Abigail Robson
I also have a list of books about SI on my site if you are interested.
idranktheseawater 10 months ago
@idranktheseawater Thank you so much! I really like to read books that I can relate to, thats why I have read multiple SI books, and why I plan on reading yours. You are an amazing person and I can't wait till your next video. I love your new red hair btw. <3
BloodyTears
xBloodyxxTearsx 10 months ago
I didn't bring tools in- I got them from other patients who encourgaged each other to SI. I don't think smuggling in tools is attention seeking unless you specifically do it for attention seeking. I know I didn't. I hated people knowing about my problem, and was always mortified when people brought it up in group therapy and whatnot.
snowwhitetotcher 10 months ago
depending on the person they may be seeking for attention.... but I'd think if they hurt themself like badly or wanted to hurt themself badly I doubt they'd be seeking for attention.if you brung tools for self harm to the hospital the person may feel more comfortable self harming there because they may just want to be hurt a little but if they like split a vein they would have help 1st hand so I guess some people would feel safer there..I've never done this but I was a self injerer.
MariMarlin1 10 months ago
I personally do not think it is for attention if you bring tools into the hospital. People need to relize yes some people do cut for attention but most don't do not. And when you are in the hospital you may want complete help or you may have just of wanted to get that one cut sewed and then leave so you are able to do it again the next time something happens stressful or not. But if you wind up staying if is very stressful and some people just need to do it. Because they are addicted to it fr
frootloop199 11 months ago
I know this was posted in November, but still Sorry for your loss :(
And agree with your opinion.
LivingInDoubt1 1 year ago
I smuggled tools into the mental hospital and used them
PEPPEPPEP100 1 year ago
Others always pretended to wanting to quit, cut themselves a lot, told the staff about it...and got less trouble because they claimed to regret it, although they did not.
I guess, one of the biggest problems with treatment is the thesis "Somebody needs to quit SI- and then, everything is alright."
That leads to sooo many problems like quitting therapies and only speaking about SI...and then, there isn't any time left to talk about the real problems.
Sorry if that sounds to pro. I am not pro.
crazymadonna 1 year ago
@crazymadonna
Thank you for your input
and I apologize because I accidentally deleted the first part of your comment. I did not mean to.
idranktheseawater 1 year ago
My good grandma died from that too- she also stopped eating and drinking. She was overweight but the last time i visited her she was a skeleton and weak looking, she was sleeping into death. I know how you feel, she rocked too, now im just left with a crappy one.
TinkerBelle246 1 year ago
i never brought tools into normal hospitals but in the mental hospitals i did.
there we even dealed with it like "okay, i give you a razorblade and you give me..."
of course that was not apprpriate but sometimes it was the only help we needed at that time... a pity but true.
i never cut for attention, it's just my way of dealing with my situations and getting my head free of all those thoughts which are freaking me out.
mysystemcollapsed 1 year ago
i did bring my razor blades to the hospital with me when i went. but than i ended up sending my purse home with my mom and just keeping paper and a few pens. i had gotten really desperate and needing to cut so i used the paper and took the pen apart trying to cut myself with pieces and the nurses never found out because i had my wrist covered and they never saw the marks that i had. i was glad i had sent my blades home. i dont cut for attention i do it because it helps me. im now 67 days free
brita911 1 year ago
I didn't bring anything to the hospital when i went, they took away my purse that had my razor. But while i was there, feeling desperate i found some sharp leaves while we were walking through the garden and put them in my pocket. I also found some broken pieces of sheet rock in a corner of a room that was somewhat sharp on some edges. I did try and use them while i was in the hospital but they didn't do much damage, however the nurses found out about it.
GothicaJ 1 year ago
@GothicaJ
what did the nurses do??
Bloodygeek1 11 months ago
i take my lighter (and my metal thingy) to school to burn. no, its not for attention to carry tools. my friend who knows i burn doesn't even knnow that i carry it around. so i do it in the school bathroom. i go to a private school, so if i ever, get caught i'll get kicked out immediately. stupid stuck-up school...
OurRibbonsOfRed 1 year ago
I have brought tools the time I was escorted there.. No, it doesn't make you an attention seeker! That's my opinion..
regretsremain 1 year ago
i have brought things into the hospital and harmed when there , i soon realised that if i was in hospital for help i had to accept the help , and that by harming i was pushing that help away,
i believe harming in hospital shows you are nt ready to accept the help yet
fightingforlife25912 1 year ago
When I go out anywhere I usually have something with me to cut myself with, I rarely use it, I find if comforting to know it's there.
mini1293blue 1 year ago
i need my tools, theyre my comfort, if i dont have them i feel lost, empty, scared. i cut for the release, but i do it for attention too
hyliabay89 1 year ago
When I do cut, I don't do it for attention.
But after, I just wish for people to see my scars or realize that I'm not okay, but I don't want to show them (a)
Sometimes I feel like I'm an attention whore, but I mean, I guess I just want someone to care. WOW, I never thought that I would admit that. Anyway, I guess I'm not the only one either. Sorry for my english, from Sweden. Wish you luck <3
adelinatheolin 1 year ago
Yes, I have "smuggled" tools into the hospital, and as like you I feel very stupid or ashamed now. Nurses are good for knocking sense into people. I also used anything I could find.
The attention thing.. ya sometimes I did it for attention but other times I just wanted a release. Some people who do it for the attention are just saying pay attention to me.. I am hurting.. not l am bored and want someone to look at me. If that makes any sense at all!(:
Keep videoing!
LivingMiracle16 1 year ago
I have never been to the hospital but I do keep tools in my backpacks. Never been caught even while cutting in class.
iamtheomegachild 1 year ago
well i dont go to hospitals but i do bring sharp stuff into school which i shouldnt cuz i could get suspended or expelled
randomperson3331 1 year ago
I love how you care about the viewers and respond to comments. And I used to cut, so I appreciate your videos. You're amazingg
Cloysman 1 year ago
To continue (silly character limit): during my second hospitalization, I removed the staples from a magazine and used them to hurt myself. I also saved salt from my meals to mix with the ice in the patient kitchen, but they found out my plan to burn myself and put me on a 1:1 watch. The third hospital searched all of me, even had me shake out my hair. For my fourth hospitalization, I was determined not to hurt myself. I was there to get my act together. I've been SI-free since then (Nov. 11).
X4592 1 year ago
@X4592 one of my friends burns herself, also, with ice and salt
randomperson3331 1 year ago
I never, ever brought blades into the hospital. I would be way too scared. But in the middle of my first hospitalization, at a German state hospital with virtually no security (they looked in my bag and took the allergy medicine out of there, but left my decorative pins alone), my mom brought in a backpack that contained (unbeknownst to her) a stockpile of pills and shaving razors. They never looked and never found them, but I didn't use them.
X4592 1 year ago
does it count for school because i bring it with me everywhere in my purse ?! and i dont believe its attention seeking at all either. sorry about ur granny i dont know what im gonaa do when my nanny passes on i love her too much !
keep ur chin up ur doing well and as a subscriber im proud of ya chick :D
shelzbaby001 1 year ago
@shelzbaby001 i bring scissors to school
randomperson3331 1 year ago
im sorry to hear about your grandma mine died two months ago because her head was bleeding inside I tried to commit suicide because of it so I hope your doing alright and remain strong
rhymic0 1 year ago
I took blades into hospital and no I wouldn't say it was attention seeking
rhymic0 1 year ago
and btw @5:15 It most certainly does not. All that means is that the medical establishment are attention seekers for not allowing people to maintain personal possessions.
fuckamerica109 1 year ago
My hospital story is that i was ther for 6 weeks, didnt bring in tools although i did sneak in food, tobacco, pipe and lighter to stay up all night with something to do. I put my leg through a wall once, into teh other side, where people were watching a movie, smashed a stereo, ripped off a toilet seat, ripped off my closet doors, broke my bedroom door several tiems, got put in the isolation room and smashed my head on teh wall, and graffitied the shit out of the bathroom
fuckamerica109 1 year ago
i made a tool in the hospital. i got a plastic nife and heat treated it beating it over the corner of my bed. then i heated it some more and melted of an edge. then i sharpened it on the brake on my bed. i could cut pretty deep but it was excrutiating
jagglerjog891 1 year ago
@jagglerjog891 You speak of this as if you are proud of your accomplishment.
ChannelingusIV 1 year ago
I'm sorry you lost your grandmother. You put on a very brave face for the video. x
I have smuggled tools into hospitals and 'places of safety' many a time, although whenever I'm taken to hospital/place of safety it's normally by police who usually undertake a search (I'm known by them to carry blades for self-harming) and if I ever get tools past them then I use them in hospitals. It is never for attention seeking, it just makes me feel better knowing that I have the option there. x :)
- Keri.
xManipulativee 1 year ago
sweetie I'm so sorry about your grandma. My granda died a few months ago, he had parkinsons. It's hard a thaisce and it will continue to be :/
hell I mean I had to run out of our school mass earlier on because they sang Lady of Knock
SaoirsesAnaAccount 1 year ago
@stillhippie
She was 80.
If you have questions, you can send me a pm. I always answer.
idranktheseawater 1 year ago
i dont think bringin sharp objects into the hospital is attention seeking, i dont think everyone who cuts its attention seeking sorry about yer granndma :(
mustang99190 1 year ago
where's yer tool?
what f*cking tool?
this f*cking tool!
Eezaspanner 1 year ago
our grandma does still rock hun , her memory lives on forever , i love u big sis xox
KrystalnChriss 1 year ago
Im so sorry about the passing of your grandmother, i have been a fan of yours for a long time and you've really helped me. Today you said something that really hit home for me, im glad that i can connect with you even more than before. I was not one for bringing blades into hospital, however i did used to take them out with me,eg. shopping, friends house, school.. i wouldn't feel safe with out it. Id always have at least 3 safet pins attatched to my clothes, and a blade in my bag or up my sleeve
lovewithoutlover 1 year ago
You seem to be coping well with the recent unfortunate occurances in your life, and I am glad you aren't resorting to self harm (assuming). I have not ever "smuggled tools" into a hospital but I have taken blades from the art rooms at school before and hurt myself in the toilet cubicles before, I don't think that is on the same level because in a hospital you are being watched by medical professionals. I wouldn't say it is attention seeking, it just shows that you still struggle to cope. :\ xxxx
totalH20 1 year ago
i have brought them in and i have hurt myself there....NO IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE A ATTENTION SEEKER!!!! i tried to hide mine for a while and it worked. no one saw...no one knew...i told them all i was fine
britstevenson 1 year ago
sorry for your lost. And i'm glad you shared your story about the hospital. I do believe some people might do it for attention...who does not like attention but i believe that many who do bring them unconsciously know no matter how hard they try they will get caught and will have to face their emotions and receive help from someone to deal with what they have been holding in alone for so long...n that is attention too.
berrykrazie 1 year ago
@berrykrazie
good point...
idranktheseawater 1 year ago
Sorry to hear about your grandmother, i know how hard it is mine passed away 2 months ago its hard just remember the good times, big hugs S xxx
crimsontears85 1 year ago
Sorry to hear about your Grandmother sweetie! Hang in there!
mikewiltermood 1 year ago
I hope you and your family are okay <3 I bet she was an amazing woman.
ilypfme 1 year ago
@ilypfme :|
ChannelingusIV 1 year ago
The first and only time I went to the hospital I almost brought tools with me. I brought a lighter and and blade in my pocket and I was allowed to change by myself into the hospital clothes but I decided to leave them behind. In the hospital though, I tried to break my hand which wasn't good.
Jeez, in the hospital we were told to keep to ourselves. Attention from anyone was a break in the loneliness. I was the only cutter in the youth ward.
I have to get my wisdom teeth out too! bleh
ilypfme 1 year ago
I have shown my scars online I'll admit. I can't redeem it but honestly, it gave me support when I felt alone. But I've never brought tools in the hospital. I did cut though, and in one I escaped (they didn't lock the doors at night, it was very unstructured) and I cut with rocks and got transferred. I felt emotionally unsafe. I needed the security, it wasn't an attention thing for me. The hospital didn't help at the time and I got what I craved for, but it was my wake up call to stop.
BrainDeadIntellect 1 year ago
I had all four of mine out. Honestly it's a LOT better than when they start to rot then it'd REALLY hurt..trust me.. I had one of mine started rotting and the pain spread up along the entire side of my face. I thought it was my top wisdom tooth, but it turned out it was the bottom.
Condlances about your grandmother.. aging and growing up sucks sometimes
MartialArtsSuperStar 1 year ago
Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry about your grandmother- Mine passed on 8/6/10. I feel your pain.
iKillTheLights3 1 year ago
They were never really upset with me about the SI, they were incredibly good to me - upfront and clear, but always kind. I miss some of the people that treated me then. I'm still in therapy for other problems, but I don't SI anymore, or rarely anyway. I'm doing much better, and I was a total mess - I'd cut, feel better, get 57 stitches, go back to my room, feel bad again, and rip out the stitches. Nastiest scars ever. My point? We can all get better. Have hope. :)
BloodyLoo 1 year ago
Man, I'm late on this one. I could go on and on about the attention thing because it bugs me so much that people think it isn't serious if you're doing it for attention, but... some other time.
I was inpatient for a year and a half non-stop, and I wouldn't've made it through without SI. If I needed it I'd do it and then hide it. Anyway, eventually I stopped bringing in tools but then I would smash kitchen glasses and use that instead... I think they liked it better when I brought in tools. ;)
BloodyLoo 1 year ago
I love attention. Although I didn't show my wounds to others, I would constantly fantasize about others finding out and paying me attention. Almost everything I do I do while thinking about whether or not other people will like me.
And I'm very sorry about your grandmother. I hope your mother is doing well, or at least as well as she can, given the circumstance.
spagerbot 1 year ago 2
@spagerbot
I love that you admitted that. Hopefully in time, more people will feel able to do the same.
Do you find it harder to get help if they know you are doing it for the attention?
idranktheseawater 1 year ago
@spagerbot I'm like that too, after I cut I imagine what I'd say if someone found out,
LookANargle 1 year ago
ok when i was in the hospital i did hurt myself self harm. i didnt do it for attention but however when i told the staff what i had did was for attention. it was days after i self harm. i had calm down so i knew i had to tell someone so i told the doctor. i did tell for attention because i knew i needed the attention to get help.i dont do it for attention i only tell people usually days after for attention. because i know i need it for help.
tboy221 1 year ago
@tboy221
Thank you for saying that
Thats very meaningful
idranktheseawater 1 year ago
i don't think sneaking blades into a hospital is a sign of attention in most cases. i think it's shows that you're scared & you don't want to give up what's familiar. you're giving control to the doctors & nurses in the hospital so giving up the blade is just a too much for some. by you i don't mean you personally. i'll look into this book. i hope you're doing well & take care of your teeth. you don't want a dry socket.
PutMe6FeetDeep 1 year ago
I've never been admitted to the hospital myself, so I've never had to smuggle anything. Though, if this counts, I've taken them into the hospital before. My mom had cancer, and once we had to take her to the hospital, and I took them with me, and while I waited, I went to the restroom and used them. Not sure why, but I'm sure I did have that mindset of "at least it's safer since I'm in the hospital".
But I got my wisdom teeth out too. Not fun. But I kept the teeth and made them into jewelry. :)
Hlessirah 1 year ago
Sounds like things have been tough for you recently Melissa, I am sad your Grandmother was in quite poor health towards the end, Must of been a sad time for you and your family. As for your wisdom teeth, I don`t remember you saying they were giving you any trouble? You kept that quiet! And as for bringing tools into hospital, They should search you better!
xmoroseguyx 1 year ago
i brought in my scissors.... i was there for my anxitey and they left me alone and i did use them and they didnt notice, which i thought was good but now i wish they had
prettyemofarie 1 year ago
u should get a face book!
nica227 1 year ago
I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your grandmother - you have my empathy and condolences. I don't see how bringing tools into the hospital is attention seeking. It's a sign indicating how unwell you are at the time, which may get you attention as a result. People who say that cutting/suicide attempts are attention seeking behaviours don't understand mental illness very well, which is unfortunate. It just isn't that simple - it's crying out for help, which is different than seeking attention.
Khunrath1 1 year ago
I've smuggled in tools. I've used things I've found there in order to hurt myself.
It doesn't mean that I'm an attention seeker. I just wasn't, and am still not ready, to give it up. I didn't want to be without. I didn't want to not have that ability.
Last time I was there, I used some plastic I got from the snack time, they had. And I used that to cut.
Used dehydration as a means of SI...
I didn't want to be there. And I wanted to have a feeling of control...You know?
RhayvenBlood 1 year ago
lol you make me smile :], yes i saw your talent it was cute lolol.
willyllama 1 year ago
I have never brought in tools, but at the hospital, they provided the hygiene products--including a brush. It was rough and would make my head bleed. And I used that in the hospital... I'm ashamed but I felt like I shouldn't have been there, because I was very in control of myself... Anyway, I don't think it's for attention to bring tools in. Because you just wanna have that safety net, and a lot of people don't understand that...
Also, I'm very sorry to hear about your grandmother. :(
yaoikawaii123 1 year ago
I have smuggled in razors all the time. I have been known to hurt myself there also. and no i do not believe that you're seeking attention because you smuggle in raxzors.
sftbal2008 1 year ago
nice talent :)
BelialHexed 1 year ago
I don't think it makes you an attention seeker. But I would like to know the name of that book if you can get it for me.
leann895 1 year ago
@leann895
It was 'Secret scars' by Abigail Robson
idranktheseawater 1 year ago
I don't think its attention getting for me because even when I do injure myself in the hospital I try to hide it. I haven't brought things in with me but I usually find something even if its just using my fingernails
Sorry to hear about ur grandma. My thoughts r with u
triciabeary 1 year ago
I've never BEEN to the hospital, so the answer is no haha.
I don't think it means you're attention seeking; only that you don't know how to cope with something so frightening, and SI has "worked" in the past.
theladyofshalott16 1 year ago
I'm so sorry for the news about your grandmother. I am sending you my thoughts.
What did the nurse say to you?
about cutting for attention. if you say it's not for attention then it's not. but maybe it would be better to seek out attention if you need it instead of cutting. <3 even if's it is just to distract you from the pain
miriaml5 1 year ago
No, I don't think it is for attention at all. I personally carry around things In my purse just in case I get into a situation where I feel I need them. I self injured once when I was admitted into the Emergency Room, I had bobby pins in my hair and I just got done having a panic attack & felt like I was loosing it so I grabbed a bobby pin out of my hair and started going crazy. It only lasted a few min until the nurse walked by and freaked out on me but yeah, I have before just that one time.
joysoflife7 1 year ago
i've been hospitalized unfortunately more than i can count. i always carry tools with me everywhere i go. it's oddly enough like a safety net for me. i haven't cut in a month but i know if something is more than i can handle i feel like i'm ready for it by keeping my supplies with me. when i was hospitalized i was so manic i was a danger to everyone, i cut myself in there and looking back maybe that was my body's subconcious way of screaming out for help,attention seeking in that way only
owellohellojello 1 year ago
In one of the ones by where I live, they strip search you upon entering. You can't even wear underwire bras, and like sweat pants and sweatshirts with the draw-strings
KaytlynRenee14 1 year ago
@KaytlynRenee14
Same here.
It might sound stupid, but the last time I went, when they took me back for the strip search I slipped the razor into my mouth and kept it there... I've never cut in a hospital though, as it was pretty traumatic last time when a friend of mine borrowed the razor and she cut so deep that she needed to tell and get stitches. I was so scared that night that they would find out it was my razor and keep me longer since I was leaving the next day :/
Syvelocin 1 year ago
I brought in tools the one time I was hospitalized, the first time I got a day pass to go home for the afternoon I hid them in my clothes and brought them back that evening. It was crazy though, all the people who cut brought tools in even though the staff would search you and your stuff. I unfortuneatly got caught once and had to go into the high observation room where there is only a chair and a bed and you aren't allowed to leave the room at all. I don't think its for attention in most cases.
MistressWhispers 1 year ago
it easily CAN mean that a person wants attention. but i would think sneaking tools sounds around would not be a cry for attention. if you wanted that you wouldnt care who sees.
hollyccam 1 year ago
i have only been to the hospital once when i overdosed and i didnt take tools with me coz i went in ambulance but the stupid nurse went and left scissors in the room and i cut very deep and needed stitches its not for attension its just to get rid of the urge or the pain or memories for me its just an everyday thing why change when your at the hospital
loudandproudx2 1 year ago
Just wanted to say I'm really sorry about your grandmother. I've lost a lot of loved ones in the past three years, too.
I am planning a vid response regarding the subject of your video & my own experiences.
MissJackilyn 1 year ago
my mum works in a hospital and i came to work with her once and cut myself in the hospital bathroom,which in hindsight was idiotic. i carry tools 24/7 i guess its like a comfort. i dont think its attention seeking its just what we feel needs to be done at that moment.
G
xxx
garfieldthecat1994 1 year ago
@SHRIMPS3
did they do the search because you've hidden things there before?
idranktheseawater 1 year ago
@SHRIMPS3
that's terrible...
idranktheseawater 1 year ago
that nose thing is incredible
Bjarku 1 year ago
@SHRIMPS3
Here they arent legaly allowed to force a cavity search on anyone. Look up the laws where you are. That's not right.
idranktheseawater 1 year ago
I've never been to a hospital for cutting cause I'm always careful not to injure myself worse than I can take care of myself. I have a fear of hospitals, even when I'm just visiting people there, I get extremely panicky. I think that's the only thing that's kept me from hurting myself badly all this time. But I probably would sneak it into the hospital, not really with the intention of using it. It just makes me feel better to have something, like when I put safety pins in all my school uniforms
TheOneThatYouLoathe 1 year ago
There's no point of hurting yourself.
Shoes454 1 year ago
@Shoes454 there's no point commenting on a video if you're just going to say something stupid...
somekindamillie 1 year ago
@DancingBulletsx
lol
idranktheseawater 1 year ago
I personally believe in general self injurers are not seeking attention for the simple fact that in general we hide what we do from the world or most of it at least. And if we are hidding what we do it does not seem possible to me to be seeking attention in that form at the same time.
fluterify 1 year ago
I am so proud of you!!!! You have come so FAR! Yes you have farther to go but wow!!! Way to go :) it breaks my hurt to see anyone do self injuries of any kind. The reason this happens is because there is a miss communication happening between the harmer and loved ones. My youngest son who has autism head bangs. I recently made videos of his melt downs and showed him. He was so ashamed that he was acting this way. It wasn't to shame him at all. It was to show him that what he is doing isn't work
mrsmurphyboys 1 year ago
im so sorry for your loss :(
i used to carry a razor around with me all the time, but for a while now i have managed to stop carrying them around with me...
i have never taken tools with me to the hospital but i have managed to use the hospitals equipment to cut myself and i did and no one new, i didnt get caught..
XxcandystarxX 1 year ago
I take tools :( I feel like I need them as a safety net or something. And I don't always use them at the hospital, I just know they are there if I need them.
I have also cut at the hospital for attention. I don't usually cut for attention, and noone outside medical circles knows that I cut, but I was in the hospital once and it was more of a way of saying 'HELP!' 'I need help' 'I'm slipping under and don't know what to do so HELP' lol.
Amzgotlost 1 year ago
The first time I was in hospital I took tools in. I keep razors in my makeup bag, which I take to school. The first time I was taken to hospital from school. The 2nd 3rd 4th time i didnt
The last time I was in hospital I hadnt brought them in but after the first 4days my hands were shaking nd just scratching and biting wasnt enough so I got my mum to bring my makeup bag to me.
Im ashamed of cutting in hospital too but Its not attension seeking.
Im sorry about your grandmother :( Much love<3
bellsy1234 1 year ago
OMG hun sorry to hear that your grandmother passed...my nanny(thats what we called her) passsed when I was 14 from an anurism...one of the hardest things ever I went through....I love your vids they are very inspiring to help me stay safe from myself...been having alot of thoughts about cutting lately...ive brought "tools" into a hospital before and got found out..Keep the vids coming :)
valleyhood21 1 year ago
I am soo sorry about your grandma. I almost cried. I didn't know your grandma but I hate people dying. I wish, we wouldn't have ti get old and die, so we don't have to cry. Someone get what I say ?
And, I brought my blades to the hospital, too. You don't have to be ashamed. I guess everyone does it once.
Alisen12 1 year ago
im really sorry to hear about your grandmother :( and i havent been in hospital for sh but if i did have to i probably would bring tools well maybe. and i dont cut for attention :)
laurenG1814 1 year ago
careful with your wisdom teeth inscisions! I had a tiny fish bone stuck in one of mine and my cheek ended swelling back up like 6 months later. Not fun. The painkillers were kinda I guess.
TheCuriosity7 1 year ago
I have brought tools into the hospital. I hid one in my journal once, but I fessed up to that. However, I didn't tell them about the one I hid in my cosmetics bag and I used it while I was there. I've also extensively searched for sharp objects while there and used them. I've broken pieces of wood off the beds, used paperclips, etc. I am ashamed sometimes of this, but I never cut for attention. I did it for myself.
Also, I'm sorry about your grandma. My grandma died in April and it was hard.
Iveseenlovedie 1 year ago
oh and i'm really sorry for your loss. i hope it comforts you to at least know she's not in pain anymore.
LemonOdette 1 year ago
needing attention and cries for help are exactly that, needing attention and needing help. not a sign of a bad person. but a person in pain and unable to ask for help in a direct way.
i don't think smuggling is nec. attention seeking, depends on the person. for me, i'd take them if i didn't trust that i could go without them. i'm something of a squirreler, meaning i hide and stash things. it makes me feel safe. or made. now i just think it makes me feel weak so i avoid that behavior.
LemonOdette 1 year ago
Do you realize how funny you are? You really are adorable and hilarious.
Anyhow, I've never really been able to smuggle blades in to the hospital because all my hospitalizations were against my will, so I couldn't really prepare. One place I went though - there were these mechanical pencils - the only writing utensils we could have - and the spring inside was super sharp. People were cutting with the pencils like crazy and none of the hospital staff knew it. It was ridiculous.
jordanprincessai 1 year ago
I'm sorry to hear about your Grandmother :( My Grandma Died on the 8th so I can relate , feel free to message me if you want an ear to talk/type to.
Hoopybluefood 1 year ago
D= so sorry to hear about your grandmother!! <3
sly471 1 year ago
We're really sorry for the loss of your grandmother. Take care of yourself :) My grandfather has alzheimers too and it's a really hard thing to live with both for him and us.
As regards to the video topic: I have taken blades into hospital behind my phone battery - it wasn't for attention, I cut in the toilet but it wasn't so bad that anyone had to help me with it so yeah.. but I was only there for a few days.
mentalhealthhelpUK 1 year ago
i am sorry for your loss honey. Just remember they never truley leave us. My dad passed away 10yrs ago and i still believe he is with us. Stay strong and i hope you are feeling better <3<3<3<3
rorelia1 1 year ago
Im sorry to hear about your grandma.
the thing abut ur wisdom teeth, that kinda freaked me out cuz im having mine pulled in 2 weeks. did it hurt alot after the fact? im being put under for it too
28predator28 1 year ago
@28predator28
At first it was more the discomfort of the swelling, but after a few days it did hurt more. But there are meds prescribed for that.
idranktheseawater 1 year ago
My grandmother has bad Alzheimer's.
It's hard to watch =/
ihatekiax3 1 year ago
i have to get my wisdom teeth taken out soon. im scared. lol.
and my grandfather died of that same disease a couple of months ago. it was sad to watch him go like that.
take care hun.
molly497 1 year ago
Do you play videogames? Or what was the last one you've played?
hetrogamr84 1 year ago
@hetrogamr84
I have played video games, but Ive never really gotten into them much.
I liked the games on the Atary, like packman
or on playstation like Crach bandicoot.
idranktheseawater 1 year ago
How 'bout you define words or phrases as a dictionary would. As attention seeker what. How 'bout you talk 'bout loneliness. I don't think you've talked 'bout that. How 'bout that.
Aaron5of13 1 year ago
When I was in the hospital we had an outting and one of my firends bought some razor blades and gave one to me but I didnt keep it. Even if you dont smuggle tools in there will always be ways you can hurt yourself. Attention seeking is one of the most common "names" that is given to someone who self harms. I hate that! I have a doc who think I am doing this all for attention. So she does not give me the time of day that I need.
AshleySaves2121 1 year ago
lucky I have never need to go to the hospital since I started but if I had the chance to bring them I would bring them to make sure I was ok but same goes for skwl at the moment and I haven't used them at skwl or on the way to skwl in 6 months so I probably wouldn't use them, on the other hand I have been questioning my self, maybe I am an attention seeker because I have become ok with showing my scars in public... why would I do that unless I was asking for people to ask about them :/
deadyeeeyyy 1 year ago
Sorry for your loss.
blackblood11789 1 year ago
bringing in tools doesn't make one an attention seeker.
sorry about your grandma. my grandpa has Alzheimer's... so i feel you. <3
GiRwIlLeAtYoU 1 year ago
I take my tools everywhere wth me its not the fact that i am going to use them it just gives me comfort to know that i have them if i need them
Ace142011 1 year ago 8
No it doesn't make them an attention seeker. Yep I've brought in tools and hurt myself in hospital and don't feel bad about it because I was badly unwell and I wouldn't dare tell any other patients or staff.
FamilyTree89 1 year ago 7
Well im bulimic and im a cutter and im only 16 and if i were admitted to the hospital again, it would be the second time, i would definitely smuggle in a razor blade. i would hide it in my sock or wherever i could get away with it. but im sure they have cameras everywhere in the hospital so i wouldnt get away with cutting in there.
ClythiaMystica 1 year ago
Thank you
linsayfan123 1 year ago
Sorry about your grandma
PinchofPsychedelic 1 year ago
Lol soo cute
jaso19 1 year ago
Sorry about your G-ma. My Great G-ma passed of Alzheimer's, but she was in Germany. It was sad just to hear about it from my mom. I couldn't imagine living through it all. *hugs*
Funny thing about 'smuggling' for me is that I have a pair of flip flops that I have embedded razor blades into. Sad thing is that it's 'just in case'.
adrienne317 1 year ago
Could you tell me the name And author of that book you were talking about . I'm trying to research for a better understanding of why my sister cuts. So I am reading all the material I can find. With best regards, Lauren
linsayfan123 1 year ago
@linsayfan123
The one I just read is 'Secret scars' by Abigail Robson
I read another before that called 'Stranger in my skin' by Alysa Phillips
idranktheseawater 1 year ago
@linsayfan123
Read Willow by Julia Hoban.
It's basically an insight into a teenage girl cutter's life. It will really give you a great understanding on the subject.
Also, thank you for trying to understand instead of turning away from your sister. too many people these days turn their heads when this subject comes up because they think it's taboo.
kayleeShoe 1 year ago
I am so sorry for your loss.
landsell 1 year ago
Its sad when someone passes,my aunties allways used to say whenever I left on visits "TO BE CONTINUED ".!So I reflect on those words,life was just a show to them.Guess it kinda is.Its a bummer though,were all going somewhere but its
"TO BE CONTINUED ".
Keep some inner strength,I love just going somewhere and yelling when this happens,then I`ll hear my inner auntie say "your waking the neighbours"sssh.
gringoboy9 1 year ago
I don't think it's for attention, but rather for control.
Studies have show that being in control or believing that you are in control of a situation reduces the level of stress and anxiety, as opposed to not being in control.
Google 'the effects of the prediction-control confound' if you want to read about it.
Bringing tools into the hospital most likely made you feel more at ease, even if you did not plan to use them. But did you bring them with the intent to use, or just in case?
mkjartansson 1 year ago
I am very sorry for your loss :\
mkjartansson 1 year ago
i've been hospitalized many times for suicide attempts and i used to bring razorblades and pills with me (and since i'm a smoker.. cigarettes were great tools for burning myself).. then i would cut myself and take the pills. and this happend a few times, one of the nurses said that i should do it at home instead. anyway.. i don't think it's attention seeking! yeah, i guess that's it. i don't really have anything else to say/write..
Blackparade86 1 year ago
I don't think it's for attention unless you show off your wounds (or other evidence) and do it infront of other people. You are a very brave person to be so honest and open with everyone. I am so very sorry for the lost of your grandmother, just remember that she can now rest in peace and that she isn't it pain anymore :)
I have never been hospitalized for my SI (have been for my diabetes that almost killed me though D:) but if i were to be hospitalized for it, I know I would try to smuggle.
xthexemoxmuffinx 1 year ago
Can I read your book.
composer63 1 year ago
@composer63
You mean, now?
It's not available yet.
idranktheseawater 1 year ago
@idranktheseawater Could I have a sample of it. You could send it through the messaging. I could give you feed back on how it affected me.
composer63 1 year ago