What a terrible idea. My first wife died. We loved each other very much and had a very good relationship. If she hadn't died we would still have had those attributes in our relationship. There are plenty of people who've been divorced (or serious breakup) who are crap in relationships too.
Divorce is a big deal, I don't think it's right to advocate that people should experiance divorce to promote stronger commitment in later relationships. First of all it kind of defeats the purpose and second of all it is immoral.
I think it is not necessary to get divorce to improve the way we relate to our companion. You can not control what is in your spouse mind, it depends on many factors you can do your best but everybody evolves and continuously change our preferences. Dan you rocks!!
davidesposito1: I agree. Marriage is so much more than a romantic idyll: it's terrifying the way Hollywood pushes the notion of "The One"; how all rom-coms seem to end with "...and then they lived happily ever after."
Marriage is a serious contract. We'd all be well-advised to take a long hard pragmatic look at the logistics, before day-dreaming over meringue dresses & Balinese honeymoons. Marriage affects entire families & communities, and if it goes bad, the ripple effect can be devastating.
I think a lot of these comments don't get it. Ariely is not advising us to get divorced to someone else before we marry the spouse of our dreams. He's simply commenting that the experience of divorce can serve a useful purpose in a second marriage: on the older "sadder but wiser" principle.
personally, i believe the terms of any divource should be spelt out by default in every marriage when they get married.
This makes the idea of divource more concrete in peoples minds - makeing it more likley that they will work at it when they know what they will loose if they divource.
You'll never overcome the media influence. And besides, I am the only person I know who listens to his elders' advice. Kids don't listen to other people's advice - that's why everyone learns everything the hard way.
I like this guys perspective, and he has a handle on certain aspects of human behavior, but this bit on it's better to be divorced is a truth surrounded by bad advice.
There are many criminals who, upon exiting jail, start awesome 'rehab' programs or ministries. These guys can change the hearts of many, better than most. It is because they have suffered.
My wife is divorced. She learned a lot. But mistakes are something to be avoided, not to be sought after to make us better people.
That is a null analogy because the percentage of people who get out of jail to do such good is minuscule in comparison to the percentage of divorcees with a good idea of what a relationship is.
Also, the proposition was that stability is more likely under such circumstances - not that you should hold off on mr./mrs. right until you've had your heart shattered. There is none of your proposed seeking in his argument.
I've heard that people who have been divorced once are more likely to get divorced a second time. I don't know if statistics back that up. However, I think if your parents had a difficult marriage, it makes you want to avoid that and work harder. If your parents had a marriage that looked easy I think it's more difficult to realize how much work it takes, so I think that is when there is a potential problem. Just my opinion based on my own marriage.
you should see my uncles part of the family tree - its his own tree within ours...he has married 3 times.
Lets start creating more social-emotional learning oppertunities for kids as these oppertunities lead to a lot of good relationships down the road.
if we do that - we might not see the +60% divorce rate for newly weds - yes its that high - the 50% you always hear about concerns people in general and is generally stable - but newlyweds its actually on the rise.
JUST FAVORITED THIS.. :)
VideoGameCoupons 1 month ago
What a terrible idea. My first wife died. We loved each other very much and had a very good relationship. If she hadn't died we would still have had those attributes in our relationship. There are plenty of people who've been divorced (or serious breakup) who are crap in relationships too.
irene1ization 3 months ago
Divorce is a big deal, I don't think it's right to advocate that people should experiance divorce to promote stronger commitment in later relationships. First of all it kind of defeats the purpose and second of all it is immoral.
MrWelsluth 7 months ago
I think it is not necessary to get divorce to improve the way we relate to our companion. You can not control what is in your spouse mind, it depends on many factors you can do your best but everybody evolves and continuously change our preferences. Dan you rocks!!
quitoguru 8 months ago
davidesposito1: I agree. Marriage is so much more than a romantic idyll: it's terrifying the way Hollywood pushes the notion of "The One"; how all rom-coms seem to end with "...and then they lived happily ever after."
Marriage is a serious contract. We'd all be well-advised to take a long hard pragmatic look at the logistics, before day-dreaming over meringue dresses & Balinese honeymoons. Marriage affects entire families & communities, and if it goes bad, the ripple effect can be devastating.
MrSilentwolf21 11 months ago
I think a lot of these comments don't get it. Ariely is not advising us to get divorced to someone else before we marry the spouse of our dreams. He's simply commenting that the experience of divorce can serve a useful purpose in a second marriage: on the older "sadder but wiser" principle.
MrSilentwolf21 11 months ago
I think this is an experiment. Ariely will then gather our responses and will show his next big thing in Ted Talks.
TheKuroky 1 year ago
On the OTHER hand - if someone has been divorced before - it might well be a sign that they are seriously flawed in some way.
I think it's wiser to go for a widow.
ORCA4312 1 year ago
@ORCA4312 o yeah get dem milfs.
chinchoweed 1 year ago
what a nonsense - (just another funny test, thanks, professor - do I now get a scholarship....) ....
khi590 1 year ago
personally, i believe the terms of any divource should be spelt out by default in every marriage when they get married.
This makes the idea of divource more concrete in peoples minds - makeing it more likley that they will work at it when they know what they will loose if they divource.
davidesposito1 1 year ago
how about just grouding our kids in a real idea of what a relationship is
davidesposito1 2 years ago
You'll never overcome the media influence. And besides, I am the only person I know who listens to his elders' advice. Kids don't listen to other people's advice - that's why everyone learns everything the hard way.
PSK11489 1 year ago
What about not marrying at all?
That way, a break-up is not a legal issue as well.
MrFrankBullitt 2 years ago
Legality has nothing to do with it - hence the "bad breakup" as a possible alternative.
PSK11489 1 year ago
I like this guys perspective, and he has a handle on certain aspects of human behavior, but this bit on it's better to be divorced is a truth surrounded by bad advice.
There are many criminals who, upon exiting jail, start awesome 'rehab' programs or ministries. These guys can change the hearts of many, better than most. It is because they have suffered.
My wife is divorced. She learned a lot. But mistakes are something to be avoided, not to be sought after to make us better people.
monitored12345 3 years ago
That is a null analogy because the percentage of people who get out of jail to do such good is minuscule in comparison to the percentage of divorcees with a good idea of what a relationship is.
Also, the proposition was that stability is more likely under such circumstances - not that you should hold off on mr./mrs. right until you've had your heart shattered. There is none of your proposed seeking in his argument.
PSK11489 1 year ago
What about emotional baggage ?
furthermore people that come from broken/divorced homes are more prone to get divorced themselves
metalhaze1982 3 years ago
I've heard that people who have been divorced once are more likely to get divorced a second time. I don't know if statistics back that up. However, I think if your parents had a difficult marriage, it makes you want to avoid that and work harder. If your parents had a marriage that looked easy I think it's more difficult to realize how much work it takes, so I think that is when there is a potential problem. Just my opinion based on my own marriage.
bonniemcgp 3 years ago
People also get married to people for reasons other than love. Someone who habitually does so would have this happen.
PSK11489 1 year ago
@bonniemcgp
you should see my uncles part of the family tree - its his own tree within ours...he has married 3 times.
Lets start creating more social-emotional learning oppertunities for kids as these oppertunities lead to a lot of good relationships down the road.
if we do that - we might not see the +60% divorce rate for newly weds - yes its that high - the 50% you always hear about concerns people in general and is generally stable - but newlyweds its actually on the rise.
davidesposito1 1 year ago