My friend has this I think, and I don't have the heart to tell him. I just hate how he can act nice to people he hasn't seen in a long time but can just be a dick at any moment with me. I wish I could help and I feel so bad for him but I guess there's nothing I can do.
People grow and change all the time - just labeling someone with a disorder and saying that Narcissistic people don't change is ridicules - especially psychiatrists removed Narcissism from the list of disorders ....Most of kids are narcissistic so would you be saying that kids are incapable of love and it is best to leave the relationship with them etc etc ? And what about the relationships you do not wish to leave like maybe the one with your parent ?
@zakinga That is so true. Most kids are, by definition, narcissistic. Of course they can learn to be more selfless, more loving and more caring if they can be shown examples by others. Kim and I do our best to be a good example of creating a great relationship, even after lots of bitter and violent conflict. Steve.
@zakinga you are talking rubbish, so are you steve. children are no more narcissistic than any adults. i am surprise kim you keep mum about this. zakinga and steve, one of the telling sign of a narcissist is that they hate children, you 2 certainly qualify yourselves by your statements. well a children will fight with another children for a toy, but they will just as quickly be at peace with another if they dont have to compete for the toys. can an adult narcissists do that?
@zakinga continue...kids most of the time just emulate adult behavior. have you seem acting as though they are superman so are they really superman? narcissists dont hate behind children as though you are frail, you can fool others but you cant fool me, you morons! :)
Its not so much about the person with NPD, its about how you handle them and mostly yourself, is what Ive learned. NPDs will never change until you change. Its easy to point fingers, and not accept responsibility for yourself. Kim and Steve have valuable lessons and insights for us to learn. Thank you Kim and Steve.
No, this is all bullshit. NPD is a PERSONALITY DISORDER. They are disgustingly selfish, are barely capable (or incapable) of love, and most psychologists would recommend leaving a relationship if your partner had NPD. It isn't curable. That man on this video knows exactly what he is.
I am not a "paid spokesperson" for kim and steve..i am however a 100% believer and user of kims and steves teaching. For over a year now I have been doing the work that is included in thier e-books. My life and relationships have changed for the better (esp w/my N husband). I wish everyone knew thier "secret weapons"! Thank you kim and steve for all you do!!
@44mamst Thanks for the 'free' plug :-) ... we're especially glad to hear that the new techniques you are using are still useful for you a year later. Thanks so much. Steve.
I've been trying your advice especially regarding responses you suggest to verbal abuse. I too am having the same trouble as snaleham is with a partner who is never at fault and always manages to twist things around to make it all my fault. There has been yet another horrible argument at our place tonight, I am vindictive and horrible again, according to him and he's gone to bed ignoring me....again and for the next few days I won't exist. It does seems like a never ending battle!
@stenocat1 - Sorry to hear your very familiar story. The suggestions I make for verbal abuse on my blog are only one part of the story. It's vital that you also use the steps and exercises in Back from the Looking Glass and The Love Safety Net Workbook. It is normal for things to get worse before they get better when you first put these new responses into practice but please hang in with them. Learning how to end non productive conversations before the fight starts is also very important.
Is not the key difference between your relationship and others that involve NPD, is that you Steve have accepted you have had issues with NPD, and both you and Kim have the patience to work on it! I find myself questioning why I spend all the time reading yr emails (including this entire thread), applying all this energy when my partner refuses to accept any wrong doing! Thus I am spending my life navigating and controlling her demand for supply! For some it appears to be a never ending battle!
@snaleham - If you read Back from the Looking Glass you would understand that wasn't how that change happened at all with Steve. He was extremely resistant to the changes I first made. You cannot insist that people treat you well and so knowing how to deal with people who disrespect you is certainly a skill that will be valuable for yourself if you choose to spend the time learning it.
Okay, here is my question, I am working through difficulties in my marriage with an NPD partner. Recently he has begun to open up and share his feelings with me which has been good, but has also created alot of anxiety for me because whenever we connect, or have a good moment, he expects physical intimacy in return. He seems to have an overarching physical agenda that is undermining everything we are trying to do! I don't trust what he really wants and am not sure what to do!
@stephaniej2004 - Good Question! People with NPD have learned to get their way with charm or intimidation making them feel in control. So when your partner feels vulnerable when showing his feelings - perhaps he feels that if he can then seduce you it will put him back in control. Touch and physical intimacy are good - but just don't always allow him to take it one direction. Don't do things you don't want to and soothe him by scratching and tickling his back and head too!
There is no such thing as "can't change". Anybody can make the changes they choose to make and whether you like it or not these people can help you see your spouse differently... if you are trying to save your marriage.
@kimandstevecooper in my experience people with this disorder never change as their urges are too strong and they have no conscience as they are genetically wired differently to most of us and when they do play the game that you suggest in your programme they just learn new tricks to deceive and they take great pleasure in remaining in control. Advise.. Run like hell.
@kpmcnelly777 Hey, we understand what you're saying but we have had a different experience. All of the criteria for NPD are behaviours, and behaviours can change. Some people will take longer to come around. What we teach is setting boundaries by remaining firm, rather than setting boundaries by running away. For many people, the option of running for the hills is simply impossible. Steve.
The info I have used from your products has turned our family from the brink of divorce after 16 years of marriage. I cannot thank you enough for helping to turn me completely from a victim mentality to embracing emotional intelligence principles. My husband thanks me every day for creating an ongoing environment that has welcomed him & taking responsibility for my own emotions with an emphasis on inner tranquility. I owe you so much! Thank you both! I daily share your work with others.
I've just begun my journey with your videos & resources. I'm so very grateful and feel encouraged. I'm in a 20 yr. relationship with spouse with NPD. Kim, I would like to know how do I go about getting the love back after being dumped on for so long? I feel like I'm living with a spoiled sibling. Thank you for your help!
@Nickolet45 - First start the new love affair with yourself! Give yourself permission to make choices that are right for you and stand by them no matter how much he gets angry and complains. Soothe yourself and don't buy into his insults. As you learn to love and stand up for yourself with courage but without closing your heart to him - the love will begin to return.
Hey there brow boy! What, perhaps you may have been entitled to a moment 50 pounds ago,but really? I mean, REALLY! Do you honestly think you could possibly bully anyone while you are that unappealling? As for the wife, what happend? How can you look at yourself in the mirror? Seriously!!! Both of you!!! Get a grip!!
@mikaylabadoodoo I think I hear what you are saying. Kim and I certainly don't pretend to be appealing in any way other than to help couples and families with the problems of NPD. Yes, I am certainly 50lb + above my ideal weight, but hey, I got a good relationship with my wife and kids, I'm not out to impress anyone except Kim. We had our youthful days, we're middle-aged now, helping families build better emotional habits. The only other person who gives me crap about my weight is my NPD Dad.
Thanks for doing what you are doing and giving hope to so many people. I (after a panicky 2 days) discovered that I'm not a guy with NPD (my psychotherapist helped me figure that out.) - just extremely insecure!! (you name it I'd figure out I had it...) - however I am keeping up with you and wish you well, always.
@1810to1849 Thanks for the supportive comments. Insecurity is a silent killer. It's good you have figured out the problem for now. I used to be insecure too. There was a time when a nasty comment (like the one from the person who posted on this page about my weight) would have made me feel like crap. I used to think people were judging me, when they probably weren't. Kim helped me get my confidence back on track by being loving and challenging at the same time. There's always room to improve :-)
@1810to1849 - Hey our advice is really stuff everyone needs to learn if they want more love and respect in their lives. Unfortunately it is usually only when people hit the skids that they come looking for the kind of answers we offer. Kim
@kimandSteveCooper my partner who i think has narcissistictendencies is in counselling sessions with personal friends of mine. should i work toward exposing her lies and even revealling her true narcissist mask or should i use the soft approach so she still preserve her dignity during the session....i fear headon crash would force her to hurt children or use intervention again.
@seektruthfree - Hmmm - That is a tough one. I think where things are with you now it is important for you to work on your own codependence and build trust before you try and 'expose her'. You may find that backfires on you anyway. I really believe the steps in Back from the Looking Glass and The Love Safety net WorkBook would help you tremendously now.
@seektruthfree - In Back from the Looking Glass I give the steps I took and new responses I learned that made me stronger and able to 'tame' Steve's bad side. He was very grateful that I did because his anger and pride was hurting him too. The Love Safety Net Workbook on the other hand has exercises that will help you really put all these steps into action. I cannot promise it will save your marriage but it will help you deal with her better and help you be a positive role model for your child.
@kimandSteveCooper Thanks kim for details of your books. I will consider your books later. When you said By learning to be codependence, do you mean dont let her make me into a doormat and be firm with a her where I stand?
Thanx for sending emails saying "Hang in there!" Its the little things that add up I would like Steve tell me some of his turning points, both good and bad, and how you finally got in control of yourself. It's easy to run away, but facing the hard stuff is the only way to build the self esteem necessary to change for the better, for ever
My spouse is very accomplished, but very demanding, and goes for throat when challenged. Can I really help him be less defensive in the long haul?
@cjnoof Hi, Steve here. The turning points were not that exciting or magical. Kim cornered me in a couple of ways that left me with no choice. She had put some time and thought into it and so that is why they worked. A judge throwing the book at me in court was an important moment. The whole process happened over a few months, Kim used some interesting methods. Kim's "Back From the Looking Glass" eBook has the whole process explained in detail, and I add my perspective at the end of each chapter
@kimandSteveCooper HA! Nice to see some humour in such a depressing situation. My narcissist is Deaf, too, so I'm afraid it's a case of ''same-same but different''. Cheers anyway!
I know you guys do good work for these poor soles but it's too late to help me and my so called relationship for the following reasons; my ex is non violent psychopath and after 2 years of him lying with every word that came out his month and him being a serial cheat with 100's of sexual partners I finally kicked his demonic possessed sole out of my life and thankfully found Jesus... The Lord works in mysterious ways!
@kpmcnelly777 - It's great that you found the strength to stand up for yourself, well done! Learning to overcome your codependence will ensure you never end up in that situation again. Please Google '10 Steps to Overcome
Codependence' if you dare to look at you own role in the 'game' you played with your ex. You have learned to set boundaries with your heart closed. The next step is to learn to do it with your heart open. It hurts like hell but will bring love and respect into your life.
@kpmcnelly777 It takes two. When you are dealing with someone's will, it's till their will. They have to care enough to want to change, otherwise, like you said, it is a waste of time to continue with that person. That kind of frustration can kill you with adrenal fatigue and adrenal stress.
@seektruthfree - How can you live 10 yrs with someone you vow never to have sympathy for and call a monster (and want revenge on)? How will you raise a happy child together with this plan? Our ebooks will help you learn to regulate your emotions and then make a better plan to get the upper hand. That won't come from advice I can give you here. You need our ebooks because we have the truth you seek and it's inexpensive but not free! Your anger is understandable but it is making you weak!
I've been working for almost 2 years to "end the conflict" & your ebooks & advice have been very helpful. Of course, there have been setbacks where I feel I completely screwed up everything but then come back to your books & e-mails & remember that I am only human & anything I've done/said isn't really that bad nor unforgivable. I've dealt with a lot through out the last 5 years, more than we have room for here but my main question is how do I protect the kids (9 & 7) from becoming narcisistic
@rednecksify - There is muck talk about praising kids causing narcissism, but I disagree. Instead I think it is important not to expect them to know things they haven't been taught how to do. Make sure they have all their "gaps filled" even if this means going back and teaching them early stuff that they may have missed. The other thing is to not let them get away with intimidation, lies or charm to get what they want. They have to ask clearly and politely, in my house nothing else works!
Thanks for your help. I have several friends whose ex-wives first appeared to be BPD but later turned out to respond better to your strategies for people with NPD. These people respond best to you when you are powerful and inspiring and have self-control, not to someone who is transparent and vulnerable (which works with BPD).
An NPD sufferer needs appropriate boundaries and CONSEQUENCES to heal. Finding the right authority figures in the NPD's life is critical.
Maybe I should add that the way I deal with it now is to spend as much time as possible with him so he can see the baby. I do use my scissors when he sets up something to make me jealous or tryes to be manipulative and provoke an argument. I take a distance when he come to our home to fight and breaks something or bounces the windows when I don't let him in, but I show compassion when he shows he's aware what he did was wrong, wich he does more often, where before he never did
@jeffrey230690 - Hey you are doing great. With the amount of anger you are mentioning it is probably good you have some distance until he learns better responses. I would also suggest that you praise him when he does overcome his anger and lets it go. You need to let him know that everyone feels angry and he can learn to rise above it and not let it control him. However if he breaks stuff or bounces the windows again you need to let him know you will have no choice but to call the police.
I did agree with that. Letting a child grow up with a father who is one moment loving and caring,the other moment unpredictable and angry could not be right, so I chose the safety of my child and for that they gave me full custody and I don't have to worry about visitation without surveillance. My question is, will I ever be able to get full trust from my partner and how to best handle this. I feel he trusts me more but at the same time feels a lot of anger and frustration with the separation.
The reason we live separated was me being confused and desperate, also outside presure, I did contact the police but over here they don't deal with it so well. Their vision is, if it aint right leave it, don't waste time trying to fix or understand it and if you don't break up with him don't count on us for any support.We have a 1 year old baby. I got a clear message that if I would stay with him they might put our baby under court custody, since this was a unhealthy envirement for him
First of all I wanna thank you for your wonderfull work and information, it gave me hope and understanding in a situation that seemed hopeless, devasting and kept me confused. My husband and I live separated at the moment, but I always felt the right thing to do was set boundaries but still stick by him and make him feel he could trust me, I just couldn't believe you can make anything wrong, right by doing wrong yourself. And I can feel he gets more consious and is ready for real change.
I had a Dr. of Psychology tell me my wife may have Borderline Personality Disorder but I believe she has NPD. Your info and approach have been more helpful than the info on BPD. Can you explain some of the differences? I have never heard you comment on BPD.
@davegilb1 - I am not an expert on BPD but I know that anger is a big part of BPD being diagnosed. My opinion is that NPD is present in a lot of people that are not diagnosed that way. Most criminals and also many politicians for example show many signs of NPD. So maybe a person may have NPD but be diagnosed with BPD if they are not so good at hiding their anger. That is just a guess but I can assure you that the steps we offer will still certainly help if applied.
Kim and Steve your material is so easy to understand and in plain language, which is helpful in a conflict relationship. Wished I found you before my wife and I seperated. I have one question which I hope your answer may help me to reconcile with my wife ( because there's so much hurt I find it hard to comprehend why we should get back together ) Kim what was it about your relationship that made you determined to stick by Steve. I do admire your strenght to make it work and is an encouragement.
@mlhutch1 - If you do not wish to reconcile with your wife then don't. In my case we had 3 beautiful kids together. The thought of me allowing the kids to visit whoever Steve 'shacked up with' after we split was unimaginable. I knew he would be a train wreck! Steve and I both came from families broken by divorce and neither wanted that for our kids. There are many great step-parents out there but unfortunately a step parent can be a rival for your parents time, money and love!
recently I have been reading a lot of material online that asserts that many people with NPD can also be classed as a psychopath and that NPD is just part of the personal's problem. Are you aware of this position, and if so, what is your opinion of it?
@KCLorelei Thanks for the great question. We believe that this is somewhat of a myth that has been largely attributed to the work of Sam Vaknin. There are common themes, such as lying and cheating. However, Kim and I like to use this simple example. The major difference between the two labels is that a psychopath wants to be feared, and a narcissist wants to be admired. Steve
Kim and Steve offer powerful wisdom and insight into the dynamics of living with someone that has NPD. There is very little hope offered by professionals if you are in this type of relationship. Kim & Steve offer hope and help with their books and website. They demonstrate that through making different choices we enable the necessary changes that will help to make this relationship healthier and happier.
@loyalrose5 - Thanks for your vote of confidence Rose! Yes making different choices in the heat of the moment can be tough! I used to curl up in a ball and be completely overwhelmed or otherwise I would be pleading or full of rage. Learning that I could rise above my emotions and take note of them but not let them control me and in a sense harness myself in those times and steer myself towards better choices of how to respond has been empowering beyond belief.
@kimandSteveCooper recently we have a big fight, i was refusing to help my wife paying her mortgage anymore. we also just had a baby with serious health issues. she suddenly show a devil side of her that surprises everyone.
she took an intervention order against me but has since withdrawn as she forced me to agree to continue to pay her personal mortgage or else she will take the kid away.
there are many many other signs that show she is narcissistic. she still think its all my fault and would not apologize but she wants me "to forgive & forget the past". how to get her out of my life and yet agree to shared parenting? i dont think i trust her anymore...
@seektruthfree - Why is it just her mortgage rather than being both of yours? I also wonder if she has to take care of a baby with serious health issues how will she pay the mortgage on her own? Kim
@kimandSteveCooper she purchased a property overseas as investment before we met. now the property is worthless. as for the kid,bingo, why do you think she returned home and withdrawn the intervention? the answer is obvious, she still needs me. she is ruthless but also seem brainless. she probably suffer delusion of granduer momemtarily.
@seektruthfree - Okay I am still not understanding, if you are married shouldn't you be helping her out? How can she pay a mortgage on a worthless property and look after a sick child? A lot of people have made bad investments in the last decade. I am sure that I am not understanding something here but from where I sit looking after children is a lot harder than a lot of men think. Kim.
@kimandSteveCooper continue... she purchased a property overseas as investment before we met. now the property is worthless. as for the kid,bingo, why do you think she returned home and withdrawn the intervention? the answer is obvious, she still needs me. she is ruthless but also seem brainless. she probably suffer delusion of granduer momemtarily.
u may ask why did i pull the plug in the 1st place? i got fedup of her constant verbal abuse & i only have a small contract job at the moment. my job unstability definitely the trigger.
@seektruthfree - I understand withdrawing financial support may seem justified as she was verbally abusing you. But that move could only worsen the conflict. The responsibility of taking care of your child and sorting out your finances needs to be primary. If she cannot face this stress there are ways for you to set boundaries against her abuse without undermining her. "I will stand by you but I will not tolerate you insulting me" and then stop talking and go and calm down would work better.
yes i agree, withdrawing the financial support was the final straw as my plea for her to stop daily verbal HUMULIATION fell on deaf ears. after the withdrawal she did quieten down abit. then she must have realized later by getting an intervention order she can hold the children hostage.
@kimandSteveCooper during the court session, i see her finally her true self.cold as an artic ice slab, she looks right through me as if i was not there.she actually ENJOYED seeing my pains of missing my children. can an angel become a devil overnight?human nature never changes, it was always there but somehow i missed it because she make me feel like tarzan rescuing damsel in distress.
@kimandSteveCooper so the showdown wasworth it,it show her true colors. i findit funny you talk moral with me for you should know that moral issue is useless to deal with npd people.kim are you sure you are not misled by npd?
@kimandSteveCooper you cant set boundary when she has the upperhand or think she did.she withdrew the order because she realized she stills need me. it was just that she has a momentariy lapse of judgement, a grandeur oversight.if idivorced her and she ends up in jail, she DESERVE TO ROT IN HELL, and so does all NPD monsters. but she is mother of my child so i hv to stay with her a little bit longer. but once they grown up,
its hastalavista baby. I TOTALLY WILL NOT SYMPATHIZZE HER ANYMORE.
@kimandSteveCooper I totally understand what you are saying Kim and have been there! Thanks for your valuable insight. I look forward to learning more and more as time goes on. I wouldn't have had this oppurtunity if it werent for you and Steve! Thanks!
Kim and Steve thanks for all your info, down to earth and helpful. I had never heard of NPD not even through years of marriage counselling. Trouble is I've already put in to place seperation from my wife, after years of conflict I've had enough and just need space now to digest all your info and self soothing has been a great help. Mark
@mlhutch1 - Hi Mark, the steps we offer do not give instant results and sometimes in the beginning will actually make things much worse for awhile if a couple is together. The fact you are separated will perhaps give you a chance to work more on attachment and be able to avoid that backlash. New habits take time to learn and the results will show up more clearly when in the future you look back on when you started this work. K
I could never figure out what was wrong with my exwife, until i read a book by Sigmund freud needed to look up the definition of aword which brought me to your sight,,her behavior was spot on,,she divorced nearly 2 years ago,,i probably will never get her and the kids back,,of course i suffer from being codependent..karl
@karlbuttler - Just take the steps we offer one day at a time and you might be surprised where you end up. As they say every journey starts with a single step!
@drafts4man Kim has been ultra-busy lately getting all of our books ready for print. "Honey for the Bees" will probably be the final book ready as Kim has to review and update this title before laying out for print. Thanks for your interest though, did you already buy a previously available copy? Steve
Kim and Steve's collaboration to educate and support others influneced by NPD and the commitment to their marriage is inspiration to me. From afar across the globe, they have helped with my divorce recovery and growth as a person. Thanks to my supportive friends from Aussie land.
Kim and Steve's collaboration to educate and support others influneced by NPD and the commitment to their marriage is inspiration to me. From afar across the globe, they have helped with my divorce recovery and growth as a person. Thanks to my supportive friends from Aussie land.
As unfortunate as it is that your family has experienced the dynamics of NPD, I find your information priceless because it comes from one of "us". Real people, real experience, down to earth human beings that genuinely care about others. And sharing the information in such a way that you don't need to be a psychologist to understand terms. It's real people talking to/with real people.
@MsHpycmpr WOW...Thanks so much. KIm and I are real people, and yes, we actually make mistakes sometimes too. We know that being in love is the key to our mutual happiness and our individual happiness, and we do all we can to help couples get back on track. Please feel free to keep in touch, we are thrilled that you 'get' what we are on about! :-) Steve
your info is the ONLY information i found that helped me figure out and deal with my now ex. I couldn't have done it without you. bless you and hang in there!
@msshelbysheehan - Yes it can be a bit like dealing with a jack in the box if you don't learn a really balanced and grounded approach. I was very fortunate to finally meet someone who helped me get on the right track and I am only glad that I have been able to pass that advice on! Kim
This is a very informative couple ..... If you are OR are intimately involved OR may become intimately involved with a narcissist, please, please, please listen to this couple .......
@walksquietly Thanks for the vote of confidence. Narcissism doesn't go away by itself, it's a tough job keeping on top of it. Kim's the one to listen to, she has all the great ideas!! Regards, Steve.
@dgharris48 That is so cool. Understanding is such an important virtue. Taking care of a family is hard work, because you have to remember to take care of yourself too...that's not always easy..Take care, Steve.
Thank you for your intense focus on this topic! I discovered your website last year while doing my own research, and ordered some of your ebooks. The information they contained jump-started my healing process, which had stalled, by giving me more tools and a new plan of attack! In my experience, knowledge is empowering. I have found that difficult people work very hard to stay that way. Sorting it out is a long, painful process, and not for the faint-hearted. Look forward to more from you!
@cjnoof - You are so right that difficult people work hard to stay that way. That's why I gave Steve no choice! Some women write to me and say "But I can't do that (what they need to) or he would lose his job!", I say "Then let him lose his job and stop protecting him!" They so much want the fantasy of the prince charming he pretended he once was to be true that they can't face the reality of what he is really ready for and what he is not. Someone who can't read can't get a Masters degree!
This program is life changing and saved me thousands in therapy! For 8 yrs. I studied NPD, Sociopathy, Bipolar..etc. just looking for answers. One thing I never studied was myself! I now know how to truly love others and myself. I can't change anyone, but I can change me and that taught others how to treat me and trust me. Even though my relationship didn't work out , your program gave me the tools I needed to live a healthier life. You are both remarkable people. Blessed to know you!
@TheKristen0304 - Thanks for your kind words! it is amazing how when we change -- the way the people treat us changes too. For years I thought I was 'working on myself' when really my reactions to people hadn't changed at all! It takes balance and practice to learn to stand up for yourself at the same time as not allowing yourselves to engage in non productive arguments or fights. The progress seems slow sometimes -- but when you look back oh my how far we have come!
@kimandSteveCooper That was one of my most valued lessons. I never really got it till one day you said to me," When you are in the heat of the moment say to yourself, " Now would be a good time to practice this." From then on it clicked! I practiced my new techniques. I have tools and catch phrases, I am now in control. I give myself time to feel and heal too. LIFE CHANGING! I could go on forever! THANK YOU! It's a life choice and I'm in . I'll always follow your work! Take care...
@TheKristen0304 Thanks so much.... Kim deserves most of the credit. Kim's tools are really helpful, I even use some of them with the kids...it really works. Thanks again, Steve.
In the simplest terms, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is about hiding shame. There is a lesson in this for all of us about facing up to our mistakes. It is very hard to admit it when you are embarrassed but other people really do find it endearing.
@RKsOPTiCAsasin - You might start with our 12 steps to stop the fights. You will get that sent to you a few days after you subscribe (it's free) to our site.
@zakinga - I am glad we could help Kinga. People pretend that divorce is easy but really it isn't. Especially if you partner is very dependent and doesn't have anyone else. Healing takes time but it does bring you closer than if you hadn't been through this together.
@SWSxHecticzz - A person with this disorder is charming in public but then is arrogant and abusive and puts their family down when they are in private. If you need help with someone like this in your family please visit our site. The link is just below the movie.
I am worried about my daughter, she is starting to show some symptoms on the narcissism personality disorder, can you give me advice on that on your site about young girls?
@hotelesandorra - Most kids are narcissistic to some degree, but you cannot just hope they grow out of it. Holding kids accountable especially when they lie is very important. Get the help of her teachers to support you in this. At the same time it is important to be very warm and accepting of her when she comes home or you greet her after school etc. It is also important that you support her step by step in learning life skills and don't expect that she will learn these things by herself.
They can't even say the N word properly! Don't listen to them!
solstice1962 3 weeks ago
@solstice1962 - The word narcissism is pronounced differently in different countries.
kimandSteveCooper 3 weeks ago
Interesting
ScreamQueensUncut 1 month ago
My friend has this I think, and I don't have the heart to tell him. I just hate how he can act nice to people he hasn't seen in a long time but can just be a dick at any moment with me. I wish I could help and I feel so bad for him but I guess there's nothing I can do.
iHsg16 2 months ago
good ol' fashiond self-centered-ness ~
TJae1 3 months ago
People grow and change all the time - just labeling someone with a disorder and saying that Narcissistic people don't change is ridicules - especially psychiatrists removed Narcissism from the list of disorders ....Most of kids are narcissistic so would you be saying that kids are incapable of love and it is best to leave the relationship with them etc etc ? And what about the relationships you do not wish to leave like maybe the one with your parent ?
I advise anybody to learn the skills ~!
zakinga 3 months ago
@zakinga That is so true. Most kids are, by definition, narcissistic. Of course they can learn to be more selfless, more loving and more caring if they can be shown examples by others. Kim and I do our best to be a good example of creating a great relationship, even after lots of bitter and violent conflict. Steve.
kimandSteveCooper 3 months ago
@zakinga you are talking rubbish, so are you steve. children are no more narcissistic than any adults. i am surprise kim you keep mum about this. zakinga and steve, one of the telling sign of a narcissist is that they hate children, you 2 certainly qualify yourselves by your statements. well a children will fight with another children for a toy, but they will just as quickly be at peace with another if they dont have to compete for the toys. can an adult narcissists do that?
seektruthfree 3 months ago
@zakinga continue...kids most of the time just emulate adult behavior. have you seem acting as though they are superman so are they really superman? narcissists dont hate behind children as though you are frail, you can fool others but you cant fool me, you morons! :)
seektruthfree 3 months ago
Its not so much about the person with NPD, its about how you handle them and mostly yourself, is what Ive learned. NPDs will never change until you change. Its easy to point fingers, and not accept responsibility for yourself. Kim and Steve have valuable lessons and insights for us to learn. Thank you Kim and Steve.
craziesthorse 3 months ago
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craziesthorse 3 months ago
No, this is all bullshit. NPD is a PERSONALITY DISORDER. They are disgustingly selfish, are barely capable (or incapable) of love, and most psychologists would recommend leaving a relationship if your partner had NPD. It isn't curable. That man on this video knows exactly what he is.
AmericanPatriotz 4 months ago
I am not a "paid spokesperson" for kim and steve..i am however a 100% believer and user of kims and steves teaching. For over a year now I have been doing the work that is included in thier e-books. My life and relationships have changed for the better (esp w/my N husband). I wish everyone knew thier "secret weapons"! Thank you kim and steve for all you do!!
44mamst 4 months ago
@44mamst Thanks for the 'free' plug :-) ... we're especially glad to hear that the new techniques you are using are still useful for you a year later. Thanks so much. Steve.
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
I've been trying your advice especially regarding responses you suggest to verbal abuse. I too am having the same trouble as snaleham is with a partner who is never at fault and always manages to twist things around to make it all my fault. There has been yet another horrible argument at our place tonight, I am vindictive and horrible again, according to him and he's gone to bed ignoring me....again and for the next few days I won't exist. It does seems like a never ending battle!
stenocat1 4 months ago
@stenocat1 - Sorry to hear your very familiar story. The suggestions I make for verbal abuse on my blog are only one part of the story. It's vital that you also use the steps and exercises in Back from the Looking Glass and The Love Safety Net Workbook. It is normal for things to get worse before they get better when you first put these new responses into practice but please hang in with them. Learning how to end non productive conversations before the fight starts is also very important.
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
Is not the key difference between your relationship and others that involve NPD, is that you Steve have accepted you have had issues with NPD, and both you and Kim have the patience to work on it! I find myself questioning why I spend all the time reading yr emails (including this entire thread), applying all this energy when my partner refuses to accept any wrong doing! Thus I am spending my life navigating and controlling her demand for supply! For some it appears to be a never ending battle!
snaleham 4 months ago
@snaleham - If you read Back from the Looking Glass you would understand that wasn't how that change happened at all with Steve. He was extremely resistant to the changes I first made. You cannot insist that people treat you well and so knowing how to deal with people who disrespect you is certainly a skill that will be valuable for yourself if you choose to spend the time learning it.
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
Very helpful! Love you guys!
tazmomsgol 4 months ago
Good advice. Thanks so much!
stephaniej2004 4 months ago
Okay, here is my question, I am working through difficulties in my marriage with an NPD partner. Recently he has begun to open up and share his feelings with me which has been good, but has also created alot of anxiety for me because whenever we connect, or have a good moment, he expects physical intimacy in return. He seems to have an overarching physical agenda that is undermining everything we are trying to do! I don't trust what he really wants and am not sure what to do!
stephaniej2004 4 months ago
@stephaniej2004 - Good Question! People with NPD have learned to get their way with charm or intimidation making them feel in control. So when your partner feels vulnerable when showing his feelings - perhaps he feels that if he can then seduce you it will put him back in control. Touch and physical intimacy are good - but just don't always allow him to take it one direction. Don't do things you don't want to and soothe him by scratching and tickling his back and head too!
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
Very nice
dianahrenee 4 months ago
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MarciaSommers 4 months ago
thanks for offering a safe, non-threatening glimmer of hope to a dangerous and threatening problem.
celticwaveshawaii 4 months ago
There is no such thing as "can't change". Anybody can make the changes they choose to make and whether you like it or not these people can help you see your spouse differently... if you are trying to save your marriage.
carmendavisstevens 4 months ago
Their advice (ebooks at least) is really useful, positive and pro-active, when most info is that there's no hope and to give up.
taniakol 4 months ago
profound is the word to describe the help Ive got from these guys, love in action, relief and actual real change in myself.
biggerstrongerwiser 4 months ago
@kimandstevecooper in my experience people with this disorder never change as their urges are too strong and they have no conscience as they are genetically wired differently to most of us and when they do play the game that you suggest in your programme they just learn new tricks to deceive and they take great pleasure in remaining in control. Advise.. Run like hell.
kpmcnelly777 4 months ago
@kpmcnelly777 Hey, we understand what you're saying but we have had a different experience. All of the criteria for NPD are behaviours, and behaviours can change. Some people will take longer to come around. What we teach is setting boundaries by remaining firm, rather than setting boundaries by running away. For many people, the option of running for the hills is simply impossible. Steve.
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
@kpmcnelly777 i agree, narcissist never change. do you agree steve?
seektruthfree 4 months ago
The info I have used from your products has turned our family from the brink of divorce after 16 years of marriage. I cannot thank you enough for helping to turn me completely from a victim mentality to embracing emotional intelligence principles. My husband thanks me every day for creating an ongoing environment that has welcomed him & taking responsibility for my own emotions with an emphasis on inner tranquility. I owe you so much! Thank you both! I daily share your work with others.
homeborn1 4 months ago
@homeborn1 - Thank you so much for writing and letting us know. Messages like yours make all the long hours we put into this work worthwhile!
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
I've just begun my journey with your videos & resources. I'm so very grateful and feel encouraged. I'm in a 20 yr. relationship with spouse with NPD. Kim, I would like to know how do I go about getting the love back after being dumped on for so long? I feel like I'm living with a spoiled sibling. Thank you for your help!
Nickolet45 4 months ago
@Nickolet45 - First start the new love affair with yourself! Give yourself permission to make choices that are right for you and stand by them no matter how much he gets angry and complains. Soothe yourself and don't buy into his insults. As you learn to love and stand up for yourself with courage but without closing your heart to him - the love will begin to return.
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
Hey there brow boy! What, perhaps you may have been entitled to a moment 50 pounds ago,but really? I mean, REALLY! Do you honestly think you could possibly bully anyone while you are that unappealling? As for the wife, what happend? How can you look at yourself in the mirror? Seriously!!! Both of you!!! Get a grip!!
mikaylabadoodoo 4 months ago
@mikaylabadoodoo I think I hear what you are saying. Kim and I certainly don't pretend to be appealing in any way other than to help couples and families with the problems of NPD. Yes, I am certainly 50lb + above my ideal weight, but hey, I got a good relationship with my wife and kids, I'm not out to impress anyone except Kim. We had our youthful days, we're middle-aged now, helping families build better emotional habits. The only other person who gives me crap about my weight is my NPD Dad.
stevecooper72 4 months ago 2
@mikaylabadoodoo - I think Steve is the best looking guy in town! Kim
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago 2
Thanks for doing what you are doing and giving hope to so many people. I (after a panicky 2 days) discovered that I'm not a guy with NPD (my psychotherapist helped me figure that out.) - just extremely insecure!! (you name it I'd figure out I had it...) - however I am keeping up with you and wish you well, always.
1810to1849 4 months ago
@1810to1849 Thanks for the supportive comments. Insecurity is a silent killer. It's good you have figured out the problem for now. I used to be insecure too. There was a time when a nasty comment (like the one from the person who posted on this page about my weight) would have made me feel like crap. I used to think people were judging me, when they probably weren't. Kim helped me get my confidence back on track by being loving and challenging at the same time. There's always room to improve :-)
stevecooper72 4 months ago
@1810to1849 - Hey our advice is really stuff everyone needs to learn if they want more love and respect in their lives. Unfortunately it is usually only when people hit the skids that they come looking for the kind of answers we offer. Kim
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
@kimandSteveCooper my partner who i think has narcissistictendencies is in counselling sessions with personal friends of mine. should i work toward exposing her lies and even revealling her true narcissist mask or should i use the soft approach so she still preserve her dignity during the session....i fear headon crash would force her to hurt children or use intervention again.
seektruthfree 4 months ago
@seektruthfree - Hmmm - That is a tough one. I think where things are with you now it is important for you to work on your own codependence and build trust before you try and 'expose her'. You may find that backfires on you anyway. I really believe the steps in Back from the Looking Glass and The Love Safety net WorkBook would help you tremendously now.
Kim
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
@kimandSteveCooperthanks kim but pls tell me specifically how these 2 book address my problem
seektruthfree 4 months ago
@seektruthfree - In Back from the Looking Glass I give the steps I took and new responses I learned that made me stronger and able to 'tame' Steve's bad side. He was very grateful that I did because his anger and pride was hurting him too. The Love Safety Net Workbook on the other hand has exercises that will help you really put all these steps into action. I cannot promise it will save your marriage but it will help you deal with her better and help you be a positive role model for your child.
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
@kimandSteveCooper Thanks kim for details of your books. I will consider your books later. When you said By learning to be codependence, do you mean dont let her make me into a doormat and be firm with a her where I stand?
seektruthfree 4 months ago
@seektruthfree - Yes precisely - how to stand your ground but in a way that builds trust and will earn her respect.
kimandSteveCooper 3 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
@kimandSteveCooperthanks kim but pls tell me specifically how these 2 books address my problem
seektruthfree 4 months ago
Thanx for sending emails saying "Hang in there!" Its the little things that add up I would like Steve tell me some of his turning points, both good and bad, and how you finally got in control of yourself. It's easy to run away, but facing the hard stuff is the only way to build the self esteem necessary to change for the better, for ever
My spouse is very accomplished, but very demanding, and goes for throat when challenged. Can I really help him be less defensive in the long haul?
cjnoof 4 months ago
@cjnoof Hi, Steve here. The turning points were not that exciting or magical. Kim cornered me in a couple of ways that left me with no choice. She had put some time and thought into it and so that is why they worked. A judge throwing the book at me in court was an important moment. The whole process happened over a few months, Kim used some interesting methods. Kim's "Back From the Looking Glass" eBook has the whole process explained in detail, and I add my perspective at the end of each chapter
stevecooper72 4 months ago
Thank you for providing a transcript below! The voice-recognition captioning was not clear enough. Deaf people marry narcissists too. Thanks!
pellegrina8 4 months ago
@pellegrina8 - No worries! Glad we could help. I think many people married to narcissists wish they were deaf!
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
@kimandSteveCooper HA! Nice to see some humour in such a depressing situation. My narcissist is Deaf, too, so I'm afraid it's a case of ''same-same but different''. Cheers anyway!
pellegrina8 4 months ago
I know you guys do good work for these poor soles but it's too late to help me and my so called relationship for the following reasons; my ex is non violent psychopath and after 2 years of him lying with every word that came out his month and him being a serial cheat with 100's of sexual partners I finally kicked his demonic possessed sole out of my life and thankfully found Jesus... The Lord works in mysterious ways!
kpmcnelly777 4 months ago
@kpmcnelly777 - It's great that you found the strength to stand up for yourself, well done! Learning to overcome your codependence will ensure you never end up in that situation again. Please Google '10 Steps to Overcome
Codependence' if you dare to look at you own role in the 'game' you played with your ex. You have learned to set boundaries with your heart closed. The next step is to learn to do it with your heart open. It hurts like hell but will bring love and respect into your life.
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
@kpmcnelly777 It takes two. When you are dealing with someone's will, it's till their will. They have to care enough to want to change, otherwise, like you said, it is a waste of time to continue with that person. That kind of frustration can kill you with adrenal fatigue and adrenal stress.
ukulelemike 4 months ago
waiting yr reply kim
seektruthfree 4 months ago
@seektruthfree - How can you live 10 yrs with someone you vow never to have sympathy for and call a monster (and want revenge on)? How will you raise a happy child together with this plan? Our ebooks will help you learn to regulate your emotions and then make a better plan to get the upper hand. That won't come from advice I can give you here. You need our ebooks because we have the truth you seek and it's inexpensive but not free! Your anger is understandable but it is making you weak!
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
I've been working for almost 2 years to "end the conflict" & your ebooks & advice have been very helpful. Of course, there have been setbacks where I feel I completely screwed up everything but then come back to your books & e-mails & remember that I am only human & anything I've done/said isn't really that bad nor unforgivable. I've dealt with a lot through out the last 5 years, more than we have room for here but my main question is how do I protect the kids (9 & 7) from becoming narcisistic
rednecksify 4 months ago
@rednecksify - There is muck talk about praising kids causing narcissism, but I disagree. Instead I think it is important not to expect them to know things they haven't been taught how to do. Make sure they have all their "gaps filled" even if this means going back and teaching them early stuff that they may have missed. The other thing is to not let them get away with intimidation, lies or charm to get what they want. They have to ask clearly and politely, in my house nothing else works!
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
Thanks for your help. I have several friends whose ex-wives first appeared to be BPD but later turned out to respond better to your strategies for people with NPD. These people respond best to you when you are powerful and inspiring and have self-control, not to someone who is transparent and vulnerable (which works with BPD).
An NPD sufferer needs appropriate boundaries and CONSEQUENCES to heal. Finding the right authority figures in the NPD's life is critical.
davegilb1 4 months ago
@davegilb1 - Yes I agree totally. I think most people with NPD suffer terribly that they are the highest authority in their own lives.
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
Maybe I should add that the way I deal with it now is to spend as much time as possible with him so he can see the baby. I do use my scissors when he sets up something to make me jealous or tryes to be manipulative and provoke an argument. I take a distance when he come to our home to fight and breaks something or bounces the windows when I don't let him in, but I show compassion when he shows he's aware what he did was wrong, wich he does more often, where before he never did
jeffrey230690 4 months ago
@jeffrey230690 - Hey you are doing great. With the amount of anger you are mentioning it is probably good you have some distance until he learns better responses. I would also suggest that you praise him when he does overcome his anger and lets it go. You need to let him know that everyone feels angry and he can learn to rise above it and not let it control him. However if he breaks stuff or bounces the windows again you need to let him know you will have no choice but to call the police.
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
I did agree with that. Letting a child grow up with a father who is one moment loving and caring,the other moment unpredictable and angry could not be right, so I chose the safety of my child and for that they gave me full custody and I don't have to worry about visitation without surveillance. My question is, will I ever be able to get full trust from my partner and how to best handle this. I feel he trusts me more but at the same time feels a lot of anger and frustration with the separation.
jeffrey230690 4 months ago
The reason we live separated was me being confused and desperate, also outside presure, I did contact the police but over here they don't deal with it so well. Their vision is, if it aint right leave it, don't waste time trying to fix or understand it and if you don't break up with him don't count on us for any support.We have a 1 year old baby. I got a clear message that if I would stay with him they might put our baby under court custody, since this was a unhealthy envirement for him
jeffrey230690 4 months ago
First of all I wanna thank you for your wonderfull work and information, it gave me hope and understanding in a situation that seemed hopeless, devasting and kept me confused. My husband and I live separated at the moment, but I always felt the right thing to do was set boundaries but still stick by him and make him feel he could trust me, I just couldn't believe you can make anything wrong, right by doing wrong yourself. And I can feel he gets more consious and is ready for real change.
jeffrey230690 4 months ago
@jeffrey230690 - You hang in there! Healing can be a very long tough road but it is worth every step!
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
I had a Dr. of Psychology tell me my wife may have Borderline Personality Disorder but I believe she has NPD. Your info and approach have been more helpful than the info on BPD. Can you explain some of the differences? I have never heard you comment on BPD.
davegilb1 4 months ago
@davegilb1 - I am not an expert on BPD but I know that anger is a big part of BPD being diagnosed. My opinion is that NPD is present in a lot of people that are not diagnosed that way. Most criminals and also many politicians for example show many signs of NPD. So maybe a person may have NPD but be diagnosed with BPD if they are not so good at hiding their anger. That is just a guess but I can assure you that the steps we offer will still certainly help if applied.
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
Kim and Steve your material is so easy to understand and in plain language, which is helpful in a conflict relationship. Wished I found you before my wife and I seperated. I have one question which I hope your answer may help me to reconcile with my wife ( because there's so much hurt I find it hard to comprehend why we should get back together ) Kim what was it about your relationship that made you determined to stick by Steve. I do admire your strenght to make it work and is an encouragement.
mlhutch1 4 months ago
@mlhutch1 - If you do not wish to reconcile with your wife then don't. In my case we had 3 beautiful kids together. The thought of me allowing the kids to visit whoever Steve 'shacked up with' after we split was unimaginable. I knew he would be a train wreck! Steve and I both came from families broken by divorce and neither wanted that for our kids. There are many great step-parents out there but unfortunately a step parent can be a rival for your parents time, money and love!
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
thank you for your insight ~ it has been very helpful!
janellwalkerable 4 months ago
@janellwalkerable :-) glad to hear it! Thanks for the kind comment! Steve
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
recently I have been reading a lot of material online that asserts that many people with NPD can also be classed as a psychopath and that NPD is just part of the personal's problem. Are you aware of this position, and if so, what is your opinion of it?
KCLorelei 4 months ago
@KCLorelei Thanks for the great question. We believe that this is somewhat of a myth that has been largely attributed to the work of Sam Vaknin. There are common themes, such as lying and cheating. However, Kim and I like to use this simple example. The major difference between the two labels is that a psychopath wants to be feared, and a narcissist wants to be admired. Steve
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
You make narcissism fun ! :-)
craziesthorse 4 months ago
@craziesthorse ...hahaha.. no-one has ever said that before!!!!! Thanks! Steve.
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
Kim and Steve offer powerful wisdom and insight into the dynamics of living with someone that has NPD. There is very little hope offered by professionals if you are in this type of relationship. Kim & Steve offer hope and help with their books and website. They demonstrate that through making different choices we enable the necessary changes that will help to make this relationship healthier and happier.
loyalrose5 4 months ago
@loyalrose5 - Thanks for your vote of confidence Rose! Yes making different choices in the heat of the moment can be tough! I used to curl up in a ball and be completely overwhelmed or otherwise I would be pleading or full of rage. Learning that I could rise above my emotions and take note of them but not let them control me and in a sense harness myself in those times and steer myself towards better choices of how to respond has been empowering beyond belief.
Kim
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
@kimandSteveCooper recently we have a big fight, i was refusing to help my wife paying her mortgage anymore. we also just had a baby with serious health issues. she suddenly show a devil side of her that surprises everyone.
she took an intervention order against me but has since withdrawn as she forced me to agree to continue to pay her personal mortgage or else she will take the kid away.
seektruthfree 4 months ago
@kimandSteveCooper continue...
there are many many other signs that show she is narcissistic. she still think its all my fault and would not apologize but she wants me "to forgive & forget the past". how to get her out of my life and yet agree to shared parenting? i dont think i trust her anymore...
seektruthfree 4 months ago
@seektruthfree - Why is it just her mortgage rather than being both of yours? I also wonder if she has to take care of a baby with serious health issues how will she pay the mortgage on her own? Kim
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
@kimandSteveCooper she purchased a property overseas as investment before we met. now the property is worthless. as for the kid,bingo, why do you think she returned home and withdrawn the intervention? the answer is obvious, she still needs me. she is ruthless but also seem brainless. she probably suffer delusion of granduer momemtarily.
seektruthfree 4 months ago
@seektruthfree - Okay I am still not understanding, if you are married shouldn't you be helping her out? How can she pay a mortgage on a worthless property and look after a sick child? A lot of people have made bad investments in the last decade. I am sure that I am not understanding something here but from where I sit looking after children is a lot harder than a lot of men think. Kim.
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
@kimandSteveCooper continue... she purchased a property overseas as investment before we met. now the property is worthless. as for the kid,bingo, why do you think she returned home and withdrawn the intervention? the answer is obvious, she still needs me. she is ruthless but also seem brainless. she probably suffer delusion of granduer momemtarily.
seektruthfree 4 months ago
@kimandSteveCooper continue...
u may ask why did i pull the plug in the 1st place? i got fedup of her constant verbal abuse & i only have a small contract job at the moment. my job unstability definitely the trigger.
seektruthfree 4 months ago
@seektruthfree - I understand withdrawing financial support may seem justified as she was verbally abusing you. But that move could only worsen the conflict. The responsibility of taking care of your child and sorting out your finances needs to be primary. If she cannot face this stress there are ways for you to set boundaries against her abuse without undermining her. "I will stand by you but I will not tolerate you insulting me" and then stop talking and go and calm down would work better.
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
@kimandSteveCooper
yes i agree, withdrawing the financial support was the final straw as my plea for her to stop daily verbal HUMULIATION fell on deaf ears. after the withdrawal she did quieten down abit. then she must have realized later by getting an intervention order she can hold the children hostage.
seektruthfree 4 months ago
@kimandSteveCooper during the court session, i see her finally her true self.cold as an artic ice slab, she looks right through me as if i was not there.she actually ENJOYED seeing my pains of missing my children. can an angel become a devil overnight?human nature never changes, it was always there but somehow i missed it because she make me feel like tarzan rescuing damsel in distress.
seektruthfree 4 months ago
@kimandSteveCooper so the showdown wasworth it,it show her true colors. i findit funny you talk moral with me for you should know that moral issue is useless to deal with npd people.kim are you sure you are not misled by npd?
seektruthfree 4 months ago
@kimandSteveCooper you cant set boundary when she has the upperhand or think she did.she withdrew the order because she realized she stills need me. it was just that she has a momentariy lapse of judgement, a grandeur oversight.if idivorced her and she ends up in jail, she DESERVE TO ROT IN HELL, and so does all NPD monsters. but she is mother of my child so i hv to stay with her a little bit longer. but once they grown up,
its hastalavista baby. I TOTALLY WILL NOT SYMPATHIZZE HER ANYMORE.
seektruthfree 4 months ago
@kimandSteveCooper so the begging question is how to handle her Npd for the next decade or so?
seektruthfree 4 months ago
@kimandSteveCooper I totally understand what you are saying Kim and have been there! Thanks for your valuable insight. I look forward to learning more and more as time goes on. I wouldn't have had this oppurtunity if it werent for you and Steve! Thanks!
loyalrose5 4 months ago
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loyalrose5 4 months ago
Kim and Steve thanks for all your info, down to earth and helpful. I had never heard of NPD not even through years of marriage counselling. Trouble is I've already put in to place seperation from my wife, after years of conflict I've had enough and just need space now to digest all your info and self soothing has been a great help. Mark
mlhutch1 5 months ago
@mlhutch1 - Hi Mark, the steps we offer do not give instant results and sometimes in the beginning will actually make things much worse for awhile if a couple is together. The fact you are separated will perhaps give you a chance to work more on attachment and be able to avoid that backlash. New habits take time to learn and the results will show up more clearly when in the future you look back on when you started this work. K
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
I could never figure out what was wrong with my exwife, until i read a book by Sigmund freud needed to look up the definition of aword which brought me to your sight,,her behavior was spot on,,she divorced nearly 2 years ago,,i probably will never get her and the kids back,,of course i suffer from being codependent..karl
karlbuttler 5 months ago
@karlbuttler - Just take the steps we offer one day at a time and you might be surprised where you end up. As they say every journey starts with a single step!
kimandSteveCooper 4 months ago
When will you be re-releasing "Homey for the Bees?"
drafts4man 5 months ago
@drafts4man Kim has been ultra-busy lately getting all of our books ready for print. "Honey for the Bees" will probably be the final book ready as Kim has to review and update this title before laying out for print. Thanks for your interest though, did you already buy a previously available copy? Steve
kimandSteveCooper 5 months ago
Kim and Steve's collaboration to educate and support others influneced by NPD and the commitment to their marriage is inspiration to me. From afar across the globe, they have helped with my divorce recovery and growth as a person. Thanks to my supportive friends from Aussie land.
manalome1635 5 months ago
Kim and Steve's collaboration to educate and support others influneced by NPD and the commitment to their marriage is inspiration to me. From afar across the globe, they have helped with my divorce recovery and growth as a person. Thanks to my supportive friends from Aussie land.
manalome1635 5 months ago
As unfortunate as it is that your family has experienced the dynamics of NPD, I find your information priceless because it comes from one of "us". Real people, real experience, down to earth human beings that genuinely care about others. And sharing the information in such a way that you don't need to be a psychologist to understand terms. It's real people talking to/with real people.
MsHpycmpr 5 months ago
@MsHpycmpr WOW...Thanks so much. KIm and I are real people, and yes, we actually make mistakes sometimes too. We know that being in love is the key to our mutual happiness and our individual happiness, and we do all we can to help couples get back on track. Please feel free to keep in touch, we are thrilled that you 'get' what we are on about! :-) Steve
kimandSteveCooper 5 months ago
Kim and Steve-
your info is the ONLY information i found that helped me figure out and deal with my now ex. I couldn't have done it without you. bless you and hang in there!
msshelbysheehan 5 months ago
@msshelbysheehan - Yes it can be a bit like dealing with a jack in the box if you don't learn a really balanced and grounded approach. I was very fortunate to finally meet someone who helped me get on the right track and I am only glad that I have been able to pass that advice on! Kim
kimandSteveCooper 5 months ago
This is a very informative couple ..... If you are OR are intimately involved OR may become intimately involved with a narcissist, please, please, please listen to this couple .......
walksquietly 5 months ago
@walksquietly Thanks for the vote of confidence. Narcissism doesn't go away by itself, it's a tough job keeping on top of it. Kim's the one to listen to, she has all the great ideas!! Regards, Steve.
kimandSteveCooper 5 months ago
I have learned so much about what was actually going on in my family. I am better equipped now to understand and how to take care of myself. Thanks
dgharris48 5 months ago
@dgharris48 That is so cool. Understanding is such an important virtue. Taking care of a family is hard work, because you have to remember to take care of yourself too...that's not always easy..Take care, Steve.
kimandSteveCooper 5 months ago
Your site is full of very, very helpful information! Thank you!!
jfamilysh 5 months ago
@jfamilysh Hey Thanks. Kim especially works hard on keeping it interesting and relevant.. Thanks. Steve
kimandSteveCooper 5 months ago
Thank you for your intense focus on this topic! I discovered your website last year while doing my own research, and ordered some of your ebooks. The information they contained jump-started my healing process, which had stalled, by giving me more tools and a new plan of attack! In my experience, knowledge is empowering. I have found that difficult people work very hard to stay that way. Sorting it out is a long, painful process, and not for the faint-hearted. Look forward to more from you!
cjnoof 5 months ago
@cjnoof - You are so right that difficult people work hard to stay that way. That's why I gave Steve no choice! Some women write to me and say "But I can't do that (what they need to) or he would lose his job!", I say "Then let him lose his job and stop protecting him!" They so much want the fantasy of the prince charming he pretended he once was to be true that they can't face the reality of what he is really ready for and what he is not. Someone who can't read can't get a Masters degree!
kimandSteveCooper 5 months ago
Excellent information!!
Thanks
marcelaugaldef 5 months ago
@marcelaugaldef Thanks! :-) ...
kimandSteveCooper 5 months ago
This program is life changing and saved me thousands in therapy! For 8 yrs. I studied NPD, Sociopathy, Bipolar..etc. just looking for answers. One thing I never studied was myself! I now know how to truly love others and myself. I can't change anyone, but I can change me and that taught others how to treat me and trust me. Even though my relationship didn't work out , your program gave me the tools I needed to live a healthier life. You are both remarkable people. Blessed to know you!
TheKristen0304 5 months ago
@TheKristen0304 - Thanks for your kind words! it is amazing how when we change -- the way the people treat us changes too. For years I thought I was 'working on myself' when really my reactions to people hadn't changed at all! It takes balance and practice to learn to stand up for yourself at the same time as not allowing yourselves to engage in non productive arguments or fights. The progress seems slow sometimes -- but when you look back oh my how far we have come!
kimandSteveCooper 5 months ago
@kimandSteveCooper That was one of my most valued lessons. I never really got it till one day you said to me," When you are in the heat of the moment say to yourself, " Now would be a good time to practice this." From then on it clicked! I practiced my new techniques. I have tools and catch phrases, I am now in control. I give myself time to feel and heal too. LIFE CHANGING! I could go on forever! THANK YOU! It's a life choice and I'm in . I'll always follow your work! Take care...
TheKristen0304 5 months ago
@TheKristen0304 Thanks so much.... Kim deserves most of the credit. Kim's tools are really helpful, I even use some of them with the kids...it really works. Thanks again, Steve.
kimandSteveCooper 5 months ago
Your work is very thoughtful and appreciated.
NancyWorld 5 months ago
@NancyWorld - Thanks Nancy!
kimandSteveCooper 5 months ago
In the simplest terms, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is about hiding shame. There is a lesson in this for all of us about facing up to our mistakes. It is very hard to admit it when you are embarrassed but other people really do find it endearing.
kimandSteveCooper 5 months ago
@RKsOPTiCAsasin - You might start with our 12 steps to stop the fights. You will get that sent to you a few days after you subscribe (it's free) to our site.
kimandSteveCooper 5 months ago
@spamaccountgroola1 - Thanks so much - I am glad that you found us.
kimandSteveCooper 5 months ago
Great website and amazing information
zakinga 5 months ago
Great work - I really like your website and found a lot of interesting information !
It is a lifesaver.
zakinga 5 months ago
@zakinga - I am glad we could help Kinga. People pretend that divorce is easy but really it isn't. Especially if you partner is very dependent and doesn't have anyone else. Healing takes time but it does bring you closer than if you hadn't been through this together.
kimandSteveCooper 5 months ago
You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to be really something which I think I would never understand.
pleaseverifyurfailur 5 months ago
I need more details about narcissistic personality disorder
HaterKeeper 5 months ago
@HaterKeeper - Please Google Narcissism Cured Dot Com there is so much information there.
Kim
kimandSteveCooper 5 months ago
I need more details about narcissistic personality disorder
SWSxHecticzz 5 months ago
@SWSxHecticzz - A person with this disorder is charming in public but then is arrogant and abusive and puts their family down when they are in private. If you need help with someone like this in your family please visit our site. The link is just below the movie.
Kim Cooper
kimandSteveCooper 5 months ago
ur vids are going to make it big, i can tell
killerthefarm 5 months ago
LOVED IT
PRKMW2 5 months ago
a favorite from me!!!!!
Heartattackerful 5 months ago
I am worried about my daughter, she is starting to show some symptoms on the narcissism personality disorder, can you give me advice on that on your site about young girls?
hotelesandorra 5 months ago
@hotelesandorra - Most kids are narcissistic to some degree, but you cannot just hope they grow out of it. Holding kids accountable especially when they lie is very important. Get the help of her teachers to support you in this. At the same time it is important to be very warm and accepting of her when she comes home or you greet her after school etc. It is also important that you support her step by step in learning life skills and don't expect that she will learn these things by herself.
kimandSteveCooper 5 months ago
My husband behaves awfully, I know he has the narcissistic personality disorder, but nobody pays attention to me.
creativak 5 months ago
@creativak - Our site will show you step by step how to get people's help and support.
kimandSteveCooper 5 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
subbed and liked! This was a great vid
TheMegaBum 5 months ago
Love your videos <3
asfasd4 5 months ago
loved the vid
xx787359xx 5 months ago
awesome loved it
zJuiced 5 months ago
loved the vid make more!
myMindisNoble 5 months ago
Going to try it later. Thanks
maudiosucks1 5 months ago
This was an awsome tutorial, thanks so much. Keep the videos coming.
thesecondraw012 5 months ago
i owe u man
ClaraBowandFiddle 5 months ago
very nice tutorial!!!!!
spider5SP 5 months ago
cooooollll
thesecondraw017 5 months ago