hello

[Briena1982]

Mel I think you are so brave. You are such an advocate for people suffering with mental illness even if you never intended to be one. You show the world what it is like to live with a disease that never leaves that is always trying to take control. I think you are an incredible woman to be so open and honest with millions of people in regards to your personal life. I think you give people hope and that is something very powerful. You matter, no matter what the trolls say YOU MATTER and thank you

[earth2k8]

1 more thing - It seems the meds help with the voices, but not with the more mundane paranoia that comes of everyday unknowns, like who your neighbors are and just exactly what they are up to, also idiots in cyberspace making threats, etc. Maybe keeping these things separate - realizing that they are not of the same origin but that each is compounding and confounding the other would be helpful. I bet most humans deal with mundane paranoia on some level, most do not deal with voice delusions.

[earth2k8]

Mel; you have said that someone who has no insight into their condition is left helpless. One of your insights seems to be the understanding that the voices are not from outside of you, that they are due to illness. It seems that in going off of your meds you lose that insight. If you want to confront the voices and are going off meds to do it (am not sure if this is the case) and end up dealing with them without insight into their delusional nature you are, IMHO, headed for big trouble.

[melsbasketcase]

You are right.

[earth2k8]

Mel, you are most precious!

[TigerlilyCO2007]

I can't see how Rob is being a jerk. Is he a jerk because he's worried enough about Melinda and her health, so he keeps on to her about taking her meds? No. Not to be mean towards Melinda (she's a wonderful person) but if she's going through a bad episode and refusing to take her meds, someone needs to do something to help her because she won't do it herself. Please take your meds, Melinda. I don't want to see you hospitalized again.

[seoul75]

this was very brave of you to post and to keep up. it reminded me of conceptual art. was there any intention in making this?

[melsbasketcase]

I wanted to repeat what the voices said because I get ideas that it is real people watching me through the computer. The part where i read Abelard and Heloise was meant to show the people who accused me of being a malingerer something. The monks would pretend to be insane. I am not pretending but I thought the vicious trolls would take note of the Abelard and Heloise passage.

[stalkher]

thank you for letting us see what you have been going through. I hope that things get better for you. I wish that others had more patients for you.

[IChoseTheRedPill]

you seem to have insight... use it to your advantage...

[thebisketrace]

Mel please don't stop the drugs all at once. Those type of drugs need to be slowly tapered off over a long period of time so you don't get terrible withdrawal symptoms. You'll feel much better when you're finally off them, but it may take a couple years to get off of it and heal. I know you can do it, you're a strong person! Leave your husband if you have to, he sounds like a real jerk. He should support you no matter what you want to do.

[hollytoo]

Are you serious? If she wanted to harm herself do you think her husband should support that, too?

Butt out dude, your kind of advice they do not need.

[earth2k8]

@thebisketrace; sounds like good advice re:tapering off meds, if going off meds is the goal.

[deidzoeb]

Sorry for my behavior in this video. I had hoped that you wouldn't post it. Now I just hope most people won't take two whole hours to watch it.

[earth2k8]

Hi there you two. Rob, nobody's perfect, especially when dealing with a loved one with extra ordinary challenges. Hang in there, it seems to me that the last thing you should be doing is apologizing - all of this from someone who's never met either of you!! Just how it seems to me from my very limited perspective... One thing I do know: buying into or catering to someone's paranoid delusion is NEVER good for anyone, that is enabling, you don't seem to ever fall into that trap.

[Briena1982]

Maybe you should apologize but at the same time I think that there should be consideration for what you are going through as well. You are a good man to stick by a woman who goes through so much. Many do not have the tolerance to go through what you do, my ex couldn't even handle my bipolar disorder HAHAHA! I just think your outburst is understandable not nice but still everyone has a snapping point, and this was yours. You left and calmed down which was responsible. Thank you for supporting her

[panamabruce]

Mel, I'm sorry you're having trauma with the illness. Rob, as a disabled person myself, thank you for helping us, primarily your wife. You haven't left the trouble. Mel, he stays with you for a reason, for the positive's you offer --it's nice to know that you (we) have value that people choose to stay with despite our troubles.

[schoolmaster1945]

Hello Mel, An epic of epics...the Gone With The Wind of epics....Mel, take care of yourself and do not let it spiral out of control...the results can forever worsen your condition...peace...regards...

[deliciousonionsoup]

As for the Bible - do you think reading it actually helps you? Personally I don't think it's from God at all. I don't think it is of any use to read or to believe in or to live one's life by or to live in fear to - whether there fiear is there consciously or subconsciously or unconsciously. It's just another way the mind fucks us.

[deliciousonionsoup]

I'm watching / listening to your whole video. I wonder if you made / posted this because you really just want(ed) us to know how it can be for you. I think we now have more of an insight. If you need the meds then take the meds. If you need to up the dose then do that. I hope you got that early appointment with the doctor. Overall though this video made me think about "A Beatiful Mind". The mind fucks with us until we stop letting it control us. The mind convinces us that it and the ego is us.

[deliciousonionsoup]

This treatment that you describe the trolls doing towards Refbatch is nasty. It's sad that such things happen - but they do. People seem to get off on being abusive.

Perhaps she doesn't read any of the comments - as you say. Perhaps none fo the nasty comments affects her.

I think this video of yours was a good idea. People who go to watch a Refbatch video after hearing about her from you won't be haters on the whole.

[ichbinkeinberliner]

Okay, I watched the whole 2 hours and 7 minutes (plus 53 seconds)! heh During the parts where there was no talking I browsed the internet of course. Mel, Hello Kitty tells me that she is concerned and would like it if you took your meds before things really get much worse! AND have you thought about getting Haldol injections? They are much better than meds in my experience. Then you don't have to even think about it! Just get a shot once every 4 weeks. I know, I hate meds too, but we need them.

[seoul75]

i agree with ichbink... mel get the shot. it's much easier and i'm sure it will be easier on rob as well.

[ichbinkeinberliner]

I'm only at 20 mins. so far, but Rob is right Mel, you need to take your meds. It is so important...Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

[robertpina99]

Epic.

[deliciousonionsoup]

Yes, now we need an epic pina :-)

[FTSLnd28]

Hang in there Mel.

[mike10dude]

wow 2 hours and seven minutes

[deliciousonionsoup]

I didn't know you could make a video that long. Is it a new live broadcast upload thing?

[Briena1982]

It's because she is a sponsor. She is not a regular youtube user.