Wooden: Gays Shove Cellphones, Bats & Gerbils up their Anuses

[AlloftheNick]

You've never taken a shit larger than a cell phone?

[ElCangri137]

lmao with the cellphone going off during surgery!!!

[ElCangri137]

This guy speaks the truth. Its called "Elephant Butt". lol

[Gokira666]

Also, the anus doesn't stretch and return to the normal at all?

Does Mr. Wooden ever poop?

[Gokira666]

An antidotal story about gays messing with their sphinxters. Just wait until we move on to the Great Pyramids.

[crumpetbutterdrips]

Why do these people think that anal sex is the be all and end all of gay sex? And why are they so obsessed with it? Personally I couldn't care less what people put where?

[oldsmobile6]

If laughter is the best medicine, after seeing this, I'll never get another cold again; 'cause I'm STILL laughing! Woodin needs to take classes in public speaking & English.

[MyJmercer]

Pastor you are right. If you weren't right no one would even care about the things you are saying. It is rare for someone to get so much attention if there comments have no weight to them. Keep telling the TRUTH. I am with you 100%.

[scajomar]

Check out Snopes.com on this issue. Just type in homosexual/gerbil and get the truth. No known occurrences of this, just urban myth.

[Azure6018]

So, maybe he's watched One Guy One Jar too many times......

[cktriptunes]

I know this for certain! I heard it from a friend or acquaintance of mine! I don't have time to research this topic my self because I may uncover a result that doesn't mesh with my bigotry!

[jpaige66]

LIES. LIES LIES. SPREADING HATE AND FEAR. IS THIS GODS WAY????????

[seahorse05]

"I'm giving anna dotal evidence ...the anus ...the spinx ter .... larger and larger objects.... the objects shoved up : ...the gerbils ...the purity rings ....the bibles ... the flat panel plasma 60" TVs ....the Fiat 500s ... the creation museum dinosaurs ....the deep horizon drilling platforms .... "

[secundine]

is he saying women can't place large objects in their vaginas? it's like he's never been on the internet. 0.o

[jimtrueblue99]

It's not true that once the spinchter muscles of the anus get stretched then they can never contract to normal size. Patrick Wooden could prove this to himself if he'd ever pull his head out of his ass.

[edgwaterprog]

So when will we all learn that Wooden is a sub-bottom finding guys off the internet to shove Bibles up his "sphinxter"?

[jezer78]

Dear dumb bigot! What is a spinxter muscle? Or did you mean sphincter muscle? Ofcourse the anus is not a vagina. Do you know your biology at all? Gay men are not looking for a vagina dude! Your judgement is based extreme sexual fetishes, also performed by heterosexuals by the way. You're the one with no argument. 'Anecdotes' from other people as facts? Really pastor? My guess is that it is your fantasy to shove those objects up your ignorant behind.

[Texemosis]

"I've been given anecdotal examples" hey everyone, he's a research methods 101 pop quiz for you. Why is it wrong to take anecdotal claims as empirical facts?

[acidjack73]

Faggot (n): a repressed, self-loathing homosexual, usually brainwashed by bigoted religions, who attacks other homosexuals out of an intense desire to deny his own sexuality.

Wooden is a major faggot.

[brent0935]

*gerbil at 1:57?

[brent0935]

Did anyone else hear girdles

[variationofbirds]

Well, if I wanted to split my ass open and bleed all over some other guy's face, that's my prerogative. What the hell does he care?

[GloriousMaximus]

Okay the second Patrick Wooden said that gays shoved baseball bats up their anuses I knew that he had been trolled by an "i accidentally a whole xbox" thread.

[nrr4x5]

Why do these religious extremest think about gay sex so much, I'm gay and I don't think about it as much as they do.

[smartwarlord]

@nrr4x5

That's because you aren't as gay as them.

[christo930]

I have heard similar stories, but never validated except for a few occasions from an ER nurse I used to be friends with. So how much of this is true and how much is BS?

[suvariboy]

"One man passed away...a friend of mine shared this with me..." WTF? Where do these losers get this shit. IF gay men are shoving things up their behinds (and that's a big if...), why do you care? Are you out there stopping straight people from doing questionable things to their bodies?

A friend of MINE told me about a guy who likes to slap girls around, tie them up, pee on them and then forcibly have sex with them. What about that?

[reactor550]

Bet he doesn't know that the G-spot is in the 'spinkter" (or does he!?)

[jongalbreath]

Men have spinksters, women have virginas.

[ncstu]

Definition of a fanatic: someone more interested in your anus's contents then you!

[MsAckAck]

Hmm, how does he know this? Personal experience, perhaps.

[usorthem3]

Christians LIE all the time to make gay people out to be sinful monsters. I personally have never know a single gay person that EVER did what he says. Another piece of shit pastor and his ass less chaps wearing self loathing closet case buddy.

[the1tigglet]

gay men don't talk about vaginas and boobies all day long so why should str8 men talk about anuses and penises all day long unless there's something wrong like oh i dunno, they're in the closet.

[Newreligion100]

Gay sex is constantly on these guys minds, and cell phones. ?? Lmao, you can't make this shit up yet he is.

[suvariboy]

@Newreligion100 I had to buy my iPhone outright. My old one broke mid-contract and I had to pay for a new one out-of-pocket. There ain't NO WAY I'm sticking that bloody thing up my ass. For one thing, I paid a lot of dosh for it. And B), it's freakin fat and there's no way it could fit up there. I have a hard time taking a #2 some days, and that thing is a hellava lot skinnier than my phone.

[Thayer79]

It sounds like Mr. Wooden has been watching lots of gay fetish porn or he frequents gay fetish parties. He is WAY too intimately aware and obsessed with what people do in their private lives, but then again aren't all anti-gay fundies?

[popmovie303]

Why is it anyone elses business if I want stuff a cellphone up my ass? I'll deal with the reaming, I mean roaming charges.

[TheStrong32]

Um, how is he "personally" aware of these examples?

[LDisland1269]

an asshole talking about asholes

[SalemMoonlight]

For someone who thinks he's holy, he sure talks about anuses and gay sex alot.

[DestructionPro]

Their spinxster muscle?!?! That might be the greatest thing I've heard this year!

[cheesestormify]

This is just ignorant lol

[aestevalis0]

Ok.  Now they're just being silly.

[MrZeroTerrorRide]

anus is not a vagina! stick a cell phone or baseball in va-jay-jays only!

[v1de0gamr]

"The anus is not a vagina"

You don't say?!

[TPAKyle]

Speaking of gaping holes...  there's this guy.

[00GreyEyedGirl00]

WHO WAS PHONE?

[MrRedthief]

I would rather have the sicko's stick things up their asses than become priests to rape boys and girls. They are just making themselves the victim.

[ersaamen]

Wow.. Just wow..... He's an idiot.

[nerikull]

Wow...is this guy in any way related to Mr "Eat Da Poo-Poo"? Yikes!

Just how does he figure that ALL gay men do this? Oh...right...he broad-brushes like any bigot.

[T0X0H0lic]

LMFAO!

[jesushatesyoutoo]

I've Seen the guys from "Jack-Ass" put things up their asses!

[jcressg]

Speenxter muscle? WTF? The phone rang?

Wait-a-minute.... Is this a "joke"? or real?

[MRBBJC]

You just gotta laugh at these clowns. It is ridiculous. Could they start helping the poor and doing something more Jesus-like or is religion just an excuse to express their homophobia and the fear of dealing with their own desires? I guess we all know the answer.

[Genin99]

@MRBBJC keep in mind that these people practice Christianity in the same way Osama Bin Ladden practiced Islam

[ImmoralFilthHatesGod]

@MRBBJC Jesus will start with your poor ability to think and talk~

[cryptosquid]

Jill, this is Sergeant Sacker! Listen to me! We've traced the call. It's coming from inside the ass. A squad car's on its way over there now ... just get it out of that ass!

[cryptosquid]

A Christian who is an expert in shoving foreign objects up one's rear? No way!

[cryptosquid]

A Christian who is an expert in shoving foreign objects up one's ass? No way!

[ThatFelicitygirl]

But did they answer the phone.

[ImmoralFilthHatesGod]

@ThatFelicitygirl Immoral filth and hate dont know how to answer a phone~

[Genin99]

I'm waiting to see what Patrick Wooden shoves up his ass I'm betting it's Bibles or crucifixes.

Someone please shove a pineapple up his ass

[smithbc81]

Oh good Bachman for president is here. He's the reigning king of all liars on YouTube. All he knows how to do is use foul language and unsupported lies to push his point. He's just another Christian who thinks it's okay to violate the 10 Commandments and lie as long as it's to denigrate other human beings that he believes god hates.

[phenixwryter]

Did he say a female's hips release during birth? lol 

What an idiot.

[Evenflowist314]

Lol they got this from the Lemmiwinks episode of South Park!!!!!

[aestevalis0]

@Evenflowist314 No. "Gerbiling" has been around for a while. It was rumored that Richard Gere was doing it back in the mid-nineties, long before that episode of South Park aired.

[gerdislouise]

@aestevalis0 The gerbil would bite the hell out of you before you crushed and suffocated him. Doesn't happen, don't be stupid.

[aestevalis0]

@gerdislouise  I never said it did happen. I simply stated it was rumored. And yes, it does happen.

[DrJReefer]

...Anyway. How did he find out about the arse and the ringing cell phone?

Methinks this is the voice of experience.

[ronnieRb]

spinxter? this guy is a moron... but he is fascinated by gay men's rectums!

[DrJReefer]

No. Not 'Gays' Roddy Bottom. Some of you younger viewers might need to Google him.

[kissfan7]

Is it even possible to fit a baseball bat down there?

(Rhetorical question. Please, for the love of all that is good, don't answer.)

Fun fact, 33% of straight men would rape a woman if they could get away with it.* Clearly all straight men are sexual deviants and should not be allowed to get married.

/sarcasm

*Malamuth, N.M. "Predictors of Natural Sexual Aggression"

[CaveDwelnCamelJockey]

@kissfan7 yes, baseball bats, apples, grapefruits, traffic cones, etc.

[JusticeCorbin]

This ignorant douche can't even say the word Sphincter...

[gerdislouise]

Yeah, a gay guy is going to be bitten by a rodent as he crushes the animal shoving it up his ass. You people do know that the rodent will not survive the assault, don't you? Please. There are plenty of strange things ALL kinds of people do in the bed, but this sort of thing is NOT relegated just to the gay community. Not even a good try. Grow up people, gays are just human beings like everyone else. Not a thing you can do about it.

[JusticeCorbin]

Shows how much he knows...i've never shoved anything bigger than a dick up my ass....

[bachmann4president]

Fags hate facts so naturally they'll hate this guy.

[gerdislouise]

@bachmann4president I don't care if people like this and you hate me. Really doesn't matter one bit in the grand scheme of life. We are not going anywhere and there is nothing you can do about it. Are you thinking internment camps? Executions? Lol......mind your own sex life and try not to interest yourself with mine.

[whoo689]

yet to hear*

[whoo689]

Actually, I've heard it said MANY a time that the sphincter CAN contract pretty well, even if it is stretched. It takes a while to stretch to fit large objects, but I've yet heard of the goatse guy needing diapers or shitting his pants daily.

[OpenInsanity]

lolz

[AtheistAussie]

...and straight men NEVER have anal sex with women. This guy has pulled together a lot of information on a subject he is clearly interested in.

[purv989]

Spinxter?

[whoo689]

If he REALLY thinks ONLY gay men shove things up their asses, he's got another thing comin.

[whoo689]

This guy was must not be aware of insertion porn. You can find PLENTY of women (presumably mostly straight) all over the web who insert all manner of things up their asses, sometimes hot, sometimes a little disturbing.

[brgulker]

Interfemoral intercourse. Look it up.

[Rushlimpballs]

Oh, this guy is probably a closeted Leather Daddy. No straight man is this obsessed with men putting things in other men's asses. The level of detail he goes into is amazing; he's played Red Hanky Right a few times in his day. This man obviously plays with Crisco.

[BarbaraJD]

Even if they did these things, which they don't, why would he care what people did to their own bodies? If he's so sure this is happening he should invest in stocks in companies that make adult diapers, rake in the dough and shut up about it. There are some strange fetishes in this world, and this guy has a really odd one.... he enjoys talking about butt holes.

[doobiesmoke15]

I can't stand christians!

[C0ct0pusPrime]

this asshole is obsessed with assholes...which is usually the case with christians who think homosexuality is a choice, because they want to badly to act on their own homosexual urges, but 'choose' not to because it makes them feel more righteous.

well, most of us straight people 'choose' not to make other people's sexual preferences such a huge concern to the rest of society.

[Chadolution]

So how does he know these things? Does he watch??

[MrFansyPants]

Why are these homophobes always so obsessed about what can be shoved up their anus?

[62netty]

Perverts exist. Male, female, gay and straight.

[anotherhappyguy]

As any woman and they will tell you, the vagina doesn't return completely to normal after birth.

[maddog6975]

i've enjoy Egyptian pyramids/ history as much as the next guy but this dude is obsessed with the sphinxter.

[disrxt]

This fool should learn to pronounce the big words he wants to use.

[GodsSonJasonJ]

I am gay and put nothing in my anus. You cannot give an example or two (or should I say an alleged example or two) and follow it by "this is what these people do." You CANNOT or should not generalize any group/community. Would this caller like his community generalized? Regardless, if the caller is against same gender intimacy, I hope he doesn't have any. Other than that, worry about what's going on under your own roof.

[Genin99]

@GodsSonJasonJ This is just a bigot who wants to dehumanize gay people and make it look like being gay is a severe disease.

I know this is hard to believe but I guarantee that he will get whats coming to him. Just imagine Patrick Wooden coming to a empty church, getting in trouble for not being able to control is hate and he could fall in love with his mail man

[MisterDoctorE]

It's by design, if god is the creator.. then he can not blame the "product" for anything, he alone is responsible.

[4everyonecounts]

I'm more concerned that Porno Pete and Wooden obviously have bibles stuck up their own asses.If they read them instead of shoving them up anuses or banging them over heads of others one might take them seriously. The 9th commandment is not to bear false witness! If you have to break the tenets of your own faith to prove your "righteousness" and superior "morals" while being morally bankrupt is it any wonder most consider you a total joke? Do what I say not as I do is "christians" in a nutshell

[WinkyMaeve]

They do......

My brother works at a hospital.

this is straight up fact.

[stephenwalls1]

@WinkyMaeve See top comment.

[douglasokc]

EVERY DAY IN EVERY WAY, THESE CHRISTIANISTS dream about/think about/ talk about gay men and bumping uglies. Oh how they worry and fret, and they look at pictures of naked young handsome men, over and over, trying to figure out how to rescue them from that awful life of saddness and over screwed assholes. You can feel the Jesus-Christ like love coming out of 'em -- can't ya? What the fuck? this is... one more time: HORSEPISS.

[rextrek]

hmmm every str8 porn Ive ever seen - the men LOVE to Boink the women in the hiney - sometimes 2 at a time.

[download333]

@0:24, Com'on man! I was eating!

[SirOlivierOKC]

Doesn't sphincter have an H? What exactly is birf? My phone does vibrate but that's a pricey vibrator. Don't you know, if one imaginary person sometime in human history has done something, then EVERYONE remotely like them does it too?

[p0rter1515]

Kinda reminds me of the Eddie Murphy song put the boogie in your butt, There is not one sexual practice that occurs in the homosexual community that does not occur in the heterosexual community, Fetish for fetish they are there......This man is way to fixated on what other people do.

[KasparHauser6]

I think he is talking about sexual perversion actually. Sexual perversion is not limited to the homosexuals.

[Viracocha711]

How do these people know so much about such things?

[mykelb]

Ask any emergency room technician who it is that are shoving objects up their asses and they will tell you IT'S STRAIGHT MEN.

[USERNAMEfieldempty]

You is one angry, angry, deep-closet man-lover. God has forced you to totally crush and destroy your attraction to men and now your subconscious is RAGING that there are other men who are free to love each other and be happy and sexually satisfied. They got lovin' life partners and great blow-jobs and sex,sex,sex,sex,sex... all you got was a nasty vengeful God constantly fucking with ya head and a lonely, little wife called Loretta. That's gotta hurt, man.

[mrquiet2009]

I have to admit this guy was fucking hilarious. He truly redefines the word moronic. I do have to question why LaBarbera wouldn't mention that the straight community has these strange fetishes as well since he "attends" certain events, looking for "things". ;)

[hailvishnu]

This guy should learn to speak English.

Also, lots of straight men shove things up their anuses. (Not their amoses, for reference.)

[DackIsBack]

Where else can I stash my iPhone?

[LorrieFludd]

No straight person would spend their time talking about a gay man's anus.

[wounduppenguin]

funny, i hear almost the exact same stories from my homophobic family members...

i guess they must know the same nameless gay men

[meleagrisfelis]

So women who enjoy each other's vaginas are ok?

[sammyseattle]

@meleagrisfelis Also, straight women who like anal are ok.

[masticina]

.. not the onion mmm

Well looks like some "believers" are really really really into putting things in their ass. Seriously nobody said anybody about puttinganything in their ass...except these "christians"

They protest to much!

[Ranokian]

And deep inside. the guy (Wooden) knows that if we talk about about how he spread hate, he cant win the argument.

[hbfarker]

It funny how all of these supposedly family values nut-jobs seem to know more about gay sex and fetishes that any gay person would actually know. Of course, every single gay person on the planet is exactly the same, and behaves in exactly the same way, right? ...and every straight person would never be into kinky fetishes (that you could find on the internet in about 10 seconds if you wanted to).

[finderfinder100]

@hbfarker you summed it up better than i could have thank you

[smartalex1972]

LOL @ "A vergina...a woman can give birff'"

[Bretonik9]

God designed the vagina to return back to normal after giving birth? So... like... postpartum stitches don't exist? Or did God create those too?

[ISlamMyWifeIntoAWall]

Oh yeah well christians shove their heads up their anuses

[TeenTwinkTween]

@ISlamMyWifeIntoAWall Hahah! That's a good one. :P

[911sausageman]

This guy is hilarious.

Sounds to me like he's been spending too much time watching gay porn on the internets..

probably making it too!

[GenericFurfag]

As a nurse, I've encountered stranger things in the asses of straight men.

[ninjascroll6789]

@GenericFurfag how do you know they were straight

[GenericFurfag]

@ninjascroll6789 Well they had wives and children. I could only assume, but you never know I guess, haha.

[JESUStheATHEIST1]

RUMOR has it ..... patrick wooden has stretched his anus over his entire head.

[Ranokian]

Well, cant that Wooden guy ( what a name btw) be a script writer for South Park?

[Genin99]

@Ranokian He does behave like a South Park character

[EntinludeX]

Ignorant twat. Since fucking when is having a foreign object-insetion fetish exclusivly homosexual? Frankly, my girl LOVES that shit.