Dave Chappelle - F*ck Ashton Kutcher (Def Poetry Jam)

[Joetheshow72]

You've Just been ZAPPED!!

[djm3k]

"What is YESSS" hahaha

[MrGaryPettis]

This sounds like something from a Dr. Suess book but with a twist lol

[YcantWeAllGetAbong]

74 people dislike this video. I'm so hilarious, you guys.

[bagelsOMEGA]

@YcantWeAllGetAbong stfu

[YcantWeAllGetAbong]

@bagelsOMEGA fuck off cunt

[Skiingrules11]

lol that was good

[THEdejaPAGE]

LOLLLLL

[Jvideos550]

This man speaks so much truth.

[MCProDG]

i've made the musical version of this on my page you might enjoy

[light7est]

Ashton Kutcher created 73 accounts on youtube.

[theshninja]

@light7est 74. lol

[IzzyIsou]

That's right: fuck you, Ashton Kutcher.

[kezzy234]

I can see his jokes and everything, but he's not that funny at all. I want to be laughing but I'm not. The only sketch of his which is actually funny is the grape drink one.. There are so many better comedians out there..

[CappitranoBellephant]

@kezzy234 Just out of curiosity, like who?

[H3vYD123]

Is it possible for something to be too funny

[namekman01]

im offensive and i find this very white.....what, u expect me to say dave's offensive? he could make rape joke while we were cell mates in prison i'd still laugh my a.....i'd still laugh

[PrettyGeekyTV]

I just cant take this nigga serious lol

[InevitableEnigma]

DAVE CHAPPELLE FUCKS SHIT UP SON!

[MaddRezz]

He dissed Ashton and called him a bitch, Ashton didnt say shit!

[clowenout1]

wtf do despair mean

[cazzez1]

yeah funny.... syphilus came from black people originally

[travail16]

@cazzez1 syphilis believed to originate from European sailers who had intercourse with lambs on the way to the "new world"....so yeah funny.

[SeGoization]

So did Demi write it?

[rustyrazorzbuck50]

mediocre comment

[cfuentes1013]

Siiike!

[Ringolero]

Hard!

[MsEdzie]

fy fan vad bra!!!

[calvinbush1]

Ashin Kusher

[HAKKING20]

@calvinbush1 congratulations, we all know ur a pothead...

[trainofaaron]

Just accept the simple idea in your head that you might be wrong folks. What have you learned from any prophit in our human existence besides religion.. It's to respect your fellow man.

[VegasTrepid]

Hellyeah Fuck Ashton tired of hearing about his dumbass

[League0fBastards]

Charlie Sheen liked this video

[TruthMyMamaToldMe]

Which one of you cr@ckers disliked this. Go back to fucking your sister.

[imsweetasallheezy]

@TruthMyMamaToldMe actually inbreeding is much more common in small african tribes than large booming europian cities....im not a racist just a person of logic.....and yes in the mountains of appalachia strange things happen but strange things also happen in the basements of crack dens all over oakland.

[imsweetasallheezy]

@imsweetasallheezy so lets not play race cards n enjoy the genius of dave chappelle

[TruthMyMamaToldMe]

@imsweetasallheezy Prove it.

[ivt791]

This is so funny and I am a big Ashton Kutcher fan!

[jtprice100]

@DonRMB of course, I don't know what that other retard is referring to their were cases of syphilis recorded even before native amercians supposedly gave to Europeans.

[cipher0]

Who is the Irish

[ballockybill]

@cipher0 I'm Irish,

[farneyblakeley]

it funny when black man say outrageous things about white people, make me laugh cause he just pothead black man so me no threatened by him

[Prometheus1st]

@farneyblakeley I me no threat by u...

Especially since you can't even communicate as an intelligent conscious being.

[nickyhot14]

@farneyblakeley your English is terrible, if your going to insult him for being a a black man who is a pothead at least come correct

[AskariWaryaa]

@farneyblakeley What he said is true

Whites did steal and kill numerous (millions) of people around the world.

70 million native North Americans, where are they today????

[farneyblakeley]

@AskariWaryaa While it is difficult to determine exactly how many Natives lived in North America before Columbus,[5] estimates range from a low of 2.1 million (Ubelaker 1976) to 7 million people to (Russell Thornton) to a high of 18 million (Dobyns 1983)

[AskariWaryaa]

@farneyblakeley The notion of the Western Hemisphere as a primeval wilderness waiting to be tamed is a fantasy. With archeology coming into its own during the past fifty years, today's evidence is that people have been living in the Western Hemisphere possibly as long as they have in Europe. Estimates also range from 8 to 145 million!

The truth is that those who won have been trying to hide their dirty secret. What about the 30-60 million west Africans? Asians? All swept under the carpet!

[farneyblakeley]

@AskariWaryaa 8 to 145, ugh, don't think so cochise, disease wiped out most natives and those who remained were overwhelmed by armed european hordes, you might think the numbers matter but most people don't know how many people exist in their own country now, there is no great secret from history waiting to be exposed to change the consciousness of the masses, the masses are mostly unconscious by nature

[AskariWaryaa]

@farneyblakeley I agree, the masses are usually indifferent and apathetic usually because of the biased and poor education system. History is written by the victor, and they paint a false heavenly pioneering manifest destiny image of themselves. The truth is emerging, and there were millions of native Americans that were barbarically and systematically annihilated. The same with Africa, Asia, Oceania and Australia!

Also don't forget that people are waking up!!!

[soobak990]

Dave needs a moustache.

[benikdit91]

F*CK ASHTON KUTCHER

[jtprice100]

Well maybe he's referring to the Tuskegee experiment.

[DonRMB]

@jtprice100 He is in fact talking about the "Tuskegee Experiment", because is also mentioned in the Movie "Half Baked" which is Co-written by Dave Chappelle.

[GiggleHz]

actually it was Native americans that gave the world syphilis

[Prometheus1st]

@GiggleHz Incorrect.

[ballockybill]

@GiggleHz Fooking Nonsense!

[kungblao]

Damn I'm cracking the fuck up right now!!! I FUCKING LOVE DAVE!!!!

[humpaloompa]

his own version of punk'd on chapelle show was fucking hilarious....you just got zapped nigguh!!!! hahaha

[jooshboi1987]

Did black people spell " jeopardy "!? Omg, how ironic!!!

[Chromeize]

That was hilarious!

[TK0S3]

Ashton Kutcher created 67 accounts on youtube.

[HAKKING20]

@TK0S3 he had his friend make a 68th...cant trace it all back to him

[Neverdweller]

@TK0S3 69

[JoeMX05]

@TK0S3 fuck you bitch I just made another 3 more! x

[tavi16]

@TK0S3 74 now....

[bagelsOMEGA]

@tavi16 o rly

[cool2153]

@TK0S3 damn that was creative

[TheMgmt420]

@TK0S3 Make that 76 lol

[Imsexysryurnot]

that was actually good

[TeflonGeneral]

.."but hey, i'm a star. Well stop shining and get your a** out that car " lmfao..one of the most creative minds in comedy.

[kingknowles2112]

ya punk bitch!

[Jthrillz728]

Just pure comedy !!!

[kbnastyman]

funny as hell

[MrLunitunz]

@Supaduck0 I know right. Kutcher basically wanted to destroy the Village Voice because they refuted his bullshit claims. He's a child really, just a spoiled child.

Yet people really revere him, this retarded child, for these poor films he does and for his dumb show. I despair.

[crunchzor]

Who the fuck watches 2 and a half men anyway? Drunks who fall asleep at lunchtime with the TV on?

[buru44]

@crunchzor thank you. A voice of reason.

[yajo891]

@crunchzor Everyones taste is different, my brother loves 2 and a half. There are people who love dane cook and sarah silverman what i don't understand cause there fuckin there horrible.

Give me Dave or Iglesias, or some British and Dutch stand up.

[alpinestarslidar]

Funny though so Racist...?



[AMAHRI4]

@alpinestarslidar EVERYONE IS RACIST IN THERE OWN WAY

[alpinestarslidar]

@AMAHRI4 Though, two wrongs do not equal a right. If we are ever to stop the hate of others it will only come at the hand of no derogatory slurs.

[alpinestarslidar]

@AMAHRI4 Also, one does not have to crack racist derogatory comments to be, "funny." If they are a comedian they should have better ways to make you laugh. This is why they are professionals. This type of comedy to me is not true comedy. It is not funny. It is racism at it's best. The best part, I bet there are 100 little kid's out there that are not only offended by this, but 100 more that will choose uneducated way's of trying to learn from his words in school towards others. Sick.

[Prometheus1st]

@alpinestarslidar That makes no sense whatsoever @Alpinestarslider.

I don't know by what measuring stick you are judging this but it is clear you have a bias.

I am a veteran and I can tell you from experience that cruelty and mercy are more a result of subjective rather than objective thought.

It is appalling to me that anyone states that they speak upon any vet's behalf unless they have walked in their shoes.

That is akin to a man saying they know what it's like to be pregnant. WRONG.

[ragnaroksbringer]

240p... My old nemesis. Once again, we meet.

[wwef6lr]

Now that he's on Two And A Half Men i truly can say, "FUCK ASHTON KUTCHER"

[dereck7981]

i love this shit

[MrStocktonian]

man dave is the king

[DanFrederiksen]

what did he say? who's there by snow white?

[jeffychu]

@DanFrederiksen Who is "everybody that's not white".

[mizzdamnhawt]

Lol

[21xxx21]

thats not even 240p, more like 20p

[snak3145]

"you punk bitch... thank you..." LOL

[Wutwut1n1]

They should replace two and a half men with the Chappele's Show, even reruns i dont give a fuck

[privatezib]

Ashton Kutcher is a MF!

[sunburningstare]

there is always some annoying loud nigger lady "OHHH YES THATS RIGHT BROTHER PREECH TESTIFYYYYYY"

[DaKrazyKatt]

@sunburningstare Much like there's always some ignorant racist prick trying to point it out all the time in a bid to stir up some unnessecary b/s

[mjwible27]

@sunburningstare nigger? Racist comments in 2011= pretty fucking gay

[sunburningstare]

@mjwible27 not nearly as gay as your avatar

[mjwible27]

@sunburningstare glad you noticed how sexy I am and took the time to look at my page, are you coming out of the closet?

[sunburningstare]

@mjwible27 no sorry to disappoint you

[mjwible27]

@sunburningstare I know I'm handsome, no need to hear some youtube tough guy sitting behind a pc selling shit, silly little wimp.

[sunburningstare]

@mjwible27 the funny thing is i can clearly see iam 10 times stronger and bigger than you, but i won`t continue else i might get you too hot and bothered

[mjwible27]

@sunburningstare Oh really, all that over youtube? 6'4 and 275 pounds, that's how big I am, and size doesn't mean shit over a computer tough guy, only wimps start shit over a pc and not in person, which clearly you're one of those types, pathetic wimp = )

[Breaker551]

@mjwible27 why dont both of you shut up and stop arguing over youtube 

[mjwible27]

@Breaker551 how about you suck my dick

[Shorty15c4007]

@mjwible27 Pussies who fight on Youtube dont have dicks! jajajaja!!!! xD

[mjwible27]

@Shorty15c4007 so, are you trying to say something about me?

[Shorty15c4007]

@mjwible27 Wow, you're so retarded, you dont even realize you're being insulted xD

[mjwible27]

@Shorty15c4007 Well, common sense would tell you I didn't start the fight 1st, so who's the retarded one?

And your mother loves my dick, LMAO

[Shorty15c4007]

@mjwible27 Well at least you have figured out who started the fight, no shit I started the fight retard. Wow, mom jokes really? No, not only are you retarded, you gotta be a lil boy.

[mjwible27]

@Shorty15c4007 LMAO, ok now you're admitting you started the fight 1st, when you clearly said people who start fights on youtube are pussies and have no dick! LMAO@ one of the DUMBEST people I've come across on here, hahahahahahahaha.

Ask your mother how little I am, she loved my great cockpiece. 6'4 and 275 pounds, doubt I'm little = ).

[Shorty15c4007]

@mjwible27 First of all I said people who fight, not people who start them are pussies. So stop being stupid.

And my mom is dead so stop lying you piece of shit.

[mjwible27]

@Shorty15c4007 well, you started the fight, which means you're the pussy with no dick for starting the fight. I would quit while you're a head, you really are the stupid one for even responding to my comment that had nothing to do with your pansy ass.

Yeah, she couldn't handle all this meat, sorry Jr.

[JoseConseco619]

@mjwible27 using the word "gay" to describe something that's either considered stupid, bad, or morally corrupt = Completely ignorant and stupid. learn what words to use before attackin someone else's Ignorance.

[mjwible27]

@JoseConseco619 how about you suck my dick fag boy

[XByTheShoreX]

He ranks on white people mostly.

[jecoharman]

last joke was week

[Stealthmuffin]

@jecoharman damn you're fob as shit

[jecoharman]

@Stealthmuffin what do u mean???

[thespacialone]

this kind of has the flow of the Christmas poem The Night Before Christmas

[Neumanncomedy65]

Funny Stand Up Comedy

Neumann, your Favorite mailman is at it again. Doing stand up and is funnier than ever. Click, watch and like. Don't forget to comment. Thank You All.

[amacdonald27]

this is charlie sheen's favorite poem

[RudySpino]

@amacdonald27 I immediatley thought that :P

[AdnanMajor]

ahh... 240p we meet again... -__-

[optixDesigns]

@AdnanMajor 240p joke we meet again

[WeeklyTubeShow2]

I want to entertain people with your fear.

[lygarx]

Dave is the greatest comedian alive, I think his parents are also professors

[litojonny]

well stop shining and get your ass in that car

LMFAO

[WillMorebucks]

Dave was talking some real shit, I remember the one where they put those bullets in TI's bag. TI has a ton of felonies and was on probation at the time, that shit isn't cool to play with.

[iMoha46]

which pixel is dave?

[buddaman200522]

what's funny is that punk'd always involved the police with black people

[Killinemdead1]

@buddaman200522 that's what he said dipshit 

[JCYN602]

Thumb up if you think chappelle should replace Aston kutcher on two and a half men.

[cloakedp]

@JCYN602 I would probably start watching it again.

[randoms71]

@JCYN602 bro that'd be the best show this world had ever seen

[Emilsaccount]

@JCYN602 dave is way too good for 2.5 men

[namekman01]

@Emilsaccount he would make an awesome charlie

'uncle charlie, why are you black while dads white?'

[winstan90]

@JCYN602 2 and a half men rly? 500 thumbs up rly? rly? orly?

[JCYN602]

@winstan90 LOL i just posted that for shits and giggles but i guess it touched the souls of 513 people!

[winstan90]

@JCYN602 you succesfully trolled me and made morons agree with you wp lol

[freddyGjr518]

Fucc Aston Kutcher he made Two and A Half men succ

[RapNMetalprophet]

@freddyGjr518 no, it sucked always

[FreeFavl]

"Fuck Ashton Kutcher", indeed--fucking PARASITE...

[KoolIsKeith]

Genius.

[IRACORKMAN]

Anyone come here after seeing the add with kutcher and jake and alan

[Sum1FisHi]

@IRACORKMAN Ad*

[CRUNKJOOSE2]

fuck kutcher two nd a half men is gunna suck

[skyblue45678]

"smile with confidence... hand on my balls, ALEX im willin to bet it ALL"

[youngaj1000]

whether you are black or white y'all need to stop making big deal out of something a comedian said because at the end it is only meant as a joke not for dum mofos to be arguing over and start being racial about. Stupid human like y'all are the ones thinking so narrow to the point where all they can ever do to one another is to envy and hate. Black and white people have errors. Damn i wish aliens come to earth so we can stop this hate between as and focus on them purple motherfuckers.."Deuces"

[futbolangel02]

I'm not a racist. I'm a Truth Speaker. Sometimes the Truth hurts. Especially when White Man has claimed that he is superior for hundreds of years to the point where many people actually believe it. The White Man is not superior.You would have to have a basic understanding of Genetics, Psychology, World Governance and True World History in order to fully understand the Serious Dangers of The White Man remaining in Power. I Love This Planet. I do not Love Man or this World he created on top of it.

[klownsik]

@ManseaM @jibbarousseau @Neomaxizundweeby @FreakyKong .....go read a book.

[futbolangel02]

The DNA on this Planet is so fucking twisted that it is no wonder to me Why and How this World has become so fucked up. The White Man is so fucked up that he sucks his own dick.

[raxzar]

@futbolangel02 black,yellow,white,red everyone is fucked up if u beleave other things ur racist.

[TheYoungshyne]

i miss Dave chappelle and i'm sick of Daniel tosh

[FUCHxTHAxMAINSTREAM]

ACTUALLY IT WAS NATIVE AMERICANS WHO PASSED SYPHILIS ON TO THE WHITE MAN! true fact though.. google it

[futbolangel02]

@FUCHxTHAxMAINSTREAM Syphilis was rampant in London well before the White Man ever made it to North America so Please stop telling Lies. Only an idiot would recommend that you "google" information. People that defend the White Man have some serious psychological issues.

[NamezJamez007]

@futbolangel02 The only defense I could have for white people would be... If another race was thrust into a position of power surrounded by things they fear can take it, they would probably have f'd up just as bad. Power wants more power and it usually requires violence & hate to get it, Its addicting.. I have not personally done anything to anyone so I just take all the rips on white people in good humor. What happened, happened. No way around it. Try to fix things and move on. That a issue?

[futbolangel02]

@NamezJamez007 I'm not ripping on White People. White People are just as much victims of The White Man as everyone else. I'm not moving on until the White Man is removed from Power in America. The White Man is so unintelligent that he built his Empire on a foundation of imaginary concept...Money. Not hard to take down an Empire when it's all, quite literally, just in someone's head. :o) Jedi mind trick...Ta Da.

[NamezJamez007]

@futbolangel02 :S I agreed with you at first, but now I'm not sure I get your message. White people are unintelligent?

[sweatpants1212]

@futbolangel02 just to let you know, you sound like an idiot. what do you mean, "imaginary concept?" some more imaginary concepts: "equality," "human rights," "science," "literature" ?? these things also don't exist in nature? news flash, society itself is unnatural- not just an empire the White Man built. it has its miseries, and it has its benefits too. and as for money, it's a representation of freedom- as it flows, people can change their class in life. before it, you'd be a peasant for life

[NiangoChan]

@sweatpants1212 you're an idiot

[klownsik]

@FUCHxTHAxMAINSTREAM Google has room for error too, Check the source and the degree of credibility. Actually study something, don't just believe what others want you to believe.

[TurkishFoodIsYummy]

@klownsik

Great post.