Stewart Francis - One Liners

[JamminJonny94]

he needs more jokes

[Lozzyxx96xx]

Love this dude so much XD

[655db]

Was this crowd 2 miles away?

[WoWKormir]

Shit audience.

[robinhoodsun]

someones stealing jokes. i'm sure i've heard someone else do some of these jokes

[TheStandUpInTheHat]

@robinhoodsun seeing as this is over 3 years old, im guessing someone nicked his jokes, not the other way around.

[MattTheOak]

The poor mans Tim Vine

[dihyfine]

I love his delivery of the jokes. There's only so many in the world and I don't mind hearing them more than once. I think SF is insanely funny.

[rsperez88]

79 people can't swim

[figbat1]

PLEASE READ MY COMMENTS BELOW

can you work them out?

[K4inan]

@figbat1 The bible is a book of fiction, and jesus was just a normal person who thought he was the son of god.. A madman in other words. So stfu

[figbat1]

@K4inan .....im not lying to you my son. i have 45 days to go to 2520. i am expecting to regain jesus' powers....play the guitar like jimi hendrix.....and if im really lucky....get a foot massage off the great white choke.

[figbat1]

hey....ive just realised that i am jesus and saul hudson of tarsus all wrapped into one.

[figbat1]

in australia, ross horne's books have been removed from the libraries and the bookshops.

[hjsqhlqhfgksfg]

@Randomchica : kill yourself

[eufypalmiero]

I heard the Pope loves Cats, he's a Cat-oholic

[slightlyinsaneFTW]

@eufypalmiero You pinched that from Milton Jones.

[darthdipshit]

time to look for what @dsliteguy said....

[smegweevil]

The 'swimming back to shore' jokes are great.

[MICKYMAVYT]

He's funny but he needs to get new material. I've heard these jokes so many times now.

[Aka0ce]

why do people ALWAYS fucking compare shit to justin beiber -.-

[blainyrules]

@Aka0ce Probably in this case because Stewart Francis is Canadian.

[ViceroyCymraeg]

@Aka0ce Take a wild guess.

[Seinfeld182]

Hey guys! I'm a huge fan of Stewart Francis and I actually just did some stand-up at my college last week and posted a video response called "Sean Leary stand-up (10/27/11)" and I'd really appreciate it if you took a look and let me know what you think! I do a lot of one-liners and impressions and stuff, hope you like it :)

[fransam1961]

love this stuff...great delivery and rapport makes it work so well.....

[EvilClimax]

Hahhahhaha so funny! What a legend !

[gryphonberlin]

it's funny, we watch youtube so you can laugh at jokes again and again, ...and you idiots don't even see that when you get a comediad putting all his jokes together, making it all the easier for you, and you can only complain - i think it's brilliant! and it is 3 plus years old...he's probaly got more new material by now... you'll just have to find it. off you go... hop hop.

[shnos]

Tim vine wannabe

[brendanECS]

Who copied who?

[Seinfeld182]

@brendanECS lol nobody's copying anybody. Tim Vine, Stewart Francis, and Milton Jones all tell one-liners, and they're all hilarious. one-liners aren't anything new haha these guys are all just very good at telling them and coming up with them

[saphire700]

@bobmarleyisgod1 he doesnt realise its just not in the USA but it is on the American continent

[MasterLoki3]

WAVES



[cjrisi88]

First of all, all of this material is retired. Second he had over an hour and half of material when he was touring. He just releases the same stuff to TV so that people that actually pay to go see him get to see new material. He's up to almost an hour of brand new material now go see him and stop your whining.

[MrMattyvibes]

@160896OCE This was aired in 2008.

[amir123786]

audience s actually shit i would be laughing.

[MuzzafuzzaGaming]

So many one liners. Good stuff though.

[2000wildthing]

Love this guy.

[kattekebab]

He looks a bit like Trey Parker.

[rhoads83j]

@kattekebab I'd say Eric Roberts.

[hoffman4506]

i agree.

if you watch this, then live at the apollo, then comedy roadshow, then mock the week etc etc its all the same and becomes very unfunny.

bet he gets so bored performing again and again again.

but very funny once.

[BirkettProductions]

brilliant jokes but he repeats them to often

[moodini99]

Shit unoriginal one-liners. He's no Milton Jones or Tim Vine

[HeapsGoodProductions]

He looks a bit like Harrison Ford...

[GregoryFortwhip]

God i remember watching this when it was on, I love stewart francis but that audience was disgusting. Didn't get the jokes, forced laughter, fucking retarded bunch who probably love peter kay.

[SupermarokkaanMo]

your mom is like a mini-van, he takes 2 in the front 5 in the back

[Sean9014]

One of my new favourite comedians, absolutely love his speedy delivery

[JoekerProductions]

My father took me to see Stewart Francis live at the Apollo, and I remember swimming back to shore thinking...

[JazzyKarry]

@JoekerProductions that joke is the best!!!!!! 'I remember the first time my father took me trick or treating. I remember swimming back to shore thinking...''

[scaryninja1693]

@JoekerProductions Nice.

[spartanses]

old jokes

[XXXXmrcheesemanXXXX]

@spartanses "Uploaded by 27Beardie on 12 Oct 2008"

[lewis9091]

i was reading a book about super glue, i just couldn't put it down!

[slightlyinsaneFTW]

This guy's making up for the shame Justin Beiber put on Canada...

[Mr135GUY]

@slightlyinsaneFTW dude, i dont know if guy is enough for that.... but yes, he does help quite a bit

[slightlyinsaneFTW]

@Mr135GUY Ok, he's making up for about half of it...

[imr22]

@slightlyinsaneFTW

Wait, Justin Bieber is Canadian? I was thinking about emigrating to Canada, i guess it'll have to be the USA. I mean ok the USA isn't great but if Canada produced Justin Bieber then i can completely forgive the USA for the Iraq war.

[slightlyinsaneFTW]

@imr22 Unfortunately. And so am I, which makes it worse for me...

[ArjayBlogs]

@imr22 good luck getting an America Visa.

[NoWitnessesNoRegrets]

@slightlyinsaneFTW I've only ever seen briber on tv once. In reality he just isn't that popular, but people like you help him go straight to the top.

[Jamat786]

Tough crowd.

[MrClarki1]

This audience is so not Mock The week.

[kesakahn]

he's pretty funny but always does the same jokes everywhere.

[ajkfrty7]

I Fucking love this guy.

[katiedonsonhowe]

Because England is never sunny. God dumb ass

[katiedonsonhowe]

Hilarious

[mrmillion94]

funny but errr why is a paper called the sun ironic?

[IXxJORDANxXI]

@mrmillion94 if it helps it was funnier when he used that joke at a gig in scotland :P

[mrmillion94]

@IXxJORDANxXI ahhahahahaha I get it now lol

[SamLaa17]

@mrmillion94 Cause Britain don't have any sun haha

[Guitar5830]

The king of one-liners!

[mad4takethat]

he REALLY needs some new materialy, really badly.

[TheShockwaveInator]

@mad4takethat i heard the alcoholic one on mock the week :/

[242jams]

jesus, whats wrong with the audience?

[lowellriggsiam]

@242jams The jokes are intelligent, which appears to stump the collective audience.

[UnitedEuropa]

I love his style.

[tonebenderv5]

haha the intoducers are awful and the fat guy is trying to interupt and say something since he failed at comedy, since hes a racist and sexist



[chanctonbury63]

Stewart Francis needs some new material.

[Nanovirus5995]

This guy is Fantastic but the audience is is Soo slow and retarded.

[samtheman485]

@Sgav290 what if i'm atching in 1667? ooh what a pickle

[famguy509]

what's the old guy saying at the start?

[ikkw]

@famguy509 he says "BIg Welcome!!"

[famguy509]

@ikkw not that bit, the bit he is mouthing to the audience like 1 second in

[gav290]

like if watching in 1666

[AdamMcCormac]

Going to see him tonite with my dad, I better bring my swimming trunks!

[seamboyseam]

I hate those condescending comments that attempt to get other users to vote them up.

Thumbs up if you agree.

[jonnymead24]

Milton jones FT

[JOConnor1992]

Blondie presenters unreal....



[feralferret]

@JOConnor1992 Emma Bunton, ex Spice Girl

[ticketyboooo]

"Eew- I could rip a tissue."-that's one of my favourites.

[QuinnyTeleVision]

I've seen him live - he's absolutely amazing

[belOH8]

Peter Kay is better at telling jokes

[penfieldbaseball48]

a canadian brit...what a terrible combo but great jokes :D

[slightlyinsaneFTW]

@penfieldbaseball48 It's not a terrible combo! I'm a Canadian Brit!

[themightykunal]

@xgoldsparkzx

Yes, however you used it incorrectly the second time. Evidently people like you need to get a life.

[kaceface93]

"I want to write a mystery novel....or do I?"

I am actually rolling on the floor laughing..... He is hilarious!!!!

[themightykunal]

@xgoldsparkzx Actually, I understand his jokes, so screw you. Also, you can't call me stupid due to the fact you don't know the difference between "to," and "too."

[MattSingh1]

That may be the stupidest AND most contemptible audience I've ever had the misfortune to stumble across.

[LlamasOnAcid]

LOL theres an newspaper in britain called the sun, brilliant!

[themightykunal]

he's nothing more than a shit version of Milton Jones.

[Livicsf]

@themightykunal

He's fuck all like Milton Jones.

[TheNo1MovieMan]

WHO ARE THE 70 PEOPLE THAT HAVE DISLIKED THIS VIDEO??

Maybe fishermen............... B-D B-D

[TheNo1MovieMan]

The amount of comedians that spend ages with a big story building up to a punchline................and yet this guy is so natural, just rolling off joke after joke- priceless!!!!!

[arbitarspasta]

notice that the dislike bar is the size of justin beibers cock

[TheRealBarnez]

4:26 - My friend says I don't get irony. Which was ironic, as we were at a bus stop at the time.

[goodmanJG91]

The continent is called America, therefore Canada IS in America, just so is the U.S.A.

[killmrcone]

@goodmanJG91 the continent is North America actually

[TehLycan]

@goodmanJG91 ... Realy? North america = Canada, U.S.A, & Mexico....

[lilcheap2]

@goodmanJG91 you should probably just refrain from commenting next time you have a thought...

[YamaKazoo]

@bobmarleyisgod1 stop smoking weed you clown

[shauny213]

@bobmarleyisgod1 haha really? Look at a map you thick fuck

[StitchingSword]

@GeorgeHurst08 What? Is that serious? Are you fucking stupid? Canada is a completely independent country.

[SuperSmashyfication]

@StitchingSword Plus the US invaded Canada in 1775 and got their asses kicked by proud Canadian troops!

[GeorgeHurst08]

@StitchingSword Canada is in North America, along with the USA, North America is a Continent. I am sure you know this but just misunderstood what I said.

[StitchingSword]

@GeorgeHurst08 Yeah I think I did completely, haha

[Danielthephenom]

his laugh is epic

[VirginiaBeachNative]

My grandma, who's addicted to tea, sends me to Hardee'sssssssss

[CROMERCRABO1]

@loserkid212 why so miserable . all embassies are considered to be on there own soil for example if i fucked you and then put you in a body bag and took you to Germany's embassy in London and cut my baby out of your guts it would be a German. its ok that you are a cunt as cunts prosper and some come in handy maby you can find some spelling mistakes and let me know about them bye hope cancer gets you cunt

[CROMERCRABO1]

@loserkid212 come on give me a bit of credit it was a GEOGRAPHY JOKE about Americas lack of there own oil by the way i did some of my A levels in geography so don't try to tell me Germany's not a part of France because you will be very shocked to find out that some of Germany is in France LOOK it up wise boi

[jamin2009ben]

he's good but uses the same jokes on everything he does. literally the same jokes every time

[stingfan4]

He's Brilliant!!!!

[sheldon176]

If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong...

[PS3xMedia]

his one liners are hilarious, but i swear he hasnt had any new material ever

[nerdrac]

Stewart is a fucking gay canadan and needs to fuck himself.

[CROMERCRABO1]

I really liked stu the first time I saw this act. Ten years on it is exactly the same.So you can go home now stu. Not in a racist way i don't mean go back to America. Just go home

[CROMERCRABO1]

@CROMERCRABO1 I know he is from the other America the one with the snow and big deer;s and ther own oil

[justincredible86]

Cant handle one liners stu?

[Stu3100]

this twat and Milton Jones just make me want me top myself, fuckin hell they are both 'Comedians'!

[bigkll3]

@dsliteguy like if watching this in 1889

[gazawrc]

@dsliteguy You're a prick.

[HoileeUK]

@gazawrc that my friend actually deserves a thumbs up :D

[gazawrc]

@HoileeUK Thanks bbz

[yeldahA7x]

@gazawrc just to save time, plz tell me what he said

[VanguardDragon]

@yeldahA7x Absolutely nothing interesting as it turns out.

[Gamespflow]

@dsliteguy you must be from the future oh no fucking way whats is like do they have useless comments?

[LudoF4]

besides.. daylight comin me want to go home

[bobmonk64]

"Have i told you my deja vu joke?"

Yes.... you have.

In fact, EVERY performance since you started Stew.

[asdfrewqnc]

@bobmonk64 give him a break! everyone else has a script :P

[01halle]

This audience is slow.

[PleaseGoAway1000]

Stu Francis was well and truly buried by this guy.

[van1296essa]

I admire Richard ... I couldn't work with my mother.

[BedroomBassist]

Ah jeez I love me some one liners.

[TearstainedTaffeta]

FACE....PALM!!!!!!!!!

[Th3BestOf]

Don't you just hate it when the top rated comment is a comment about a reply?

[krone900]

I once saw Stewart Francis live and I remember swimming back to shore thinking, "Stewart Francis desperately needs new jokes."

[dickthrust100]

i did stand up once, and i remember swimming back to shore thinking...

[wolfpack695]

I remember swimming back to shore thinking..

[jadetraveler]

I just found this video about a week ago, and I like this guy. :)

I've been trying to think of who he reminds me of (who he looks like), and then it hit me - He looks kinda like Liam Neeson..

[no1sammyboy]

Don't you just hate it when the top rated comment is a reply?

[donUK69]

@no1sammyboy You can usually work out the initial post by reading the Reply..

[krone900]

@donUK69

That's true.

[J040PL7]

@no1sammyboy yup cant tell why he said that cos what he replayed to is probably in the 1st page of comments

[CottonEyedJoe1803]

@no1sammyboy That's irony for you

[DonforDead]

@no1sammyboy Yep

[1y9b9b]

@no1sammyboy

damn right

cant find the original

[IronMindedGods]

@no1sammyboy totally

[Seinfeld182]

hey everybody I did a new stand-up set, it's in the video responses called "Sean Leary stand-up (4/19/11)". thanks everyone who took the time to take a look at my other attempts at stand-up and for leaving such nice comments! i'd really appreciate some more feedback, and I'm sorry if I seem like a spammer with this message but I'm just a huge Stewart Francis fan and I think my comedy is very similar to his

[bfdhvcnvvbjdn]

His voice sometimes reminds me of fellow Canadian Phil Hartman (RIP)

[tenodogblu]

Love Stew Francis, so coooool !!

[HuskerSeaofRed]

a guy's whole act IS NOT a one liner. you are stupid, gay and an idiot. lol

[bowen192]

Good video.

Reminds me of British comedy thirty years ago.

[swiIson]

quite disappointed, first few times i saw this, i found it hilarious..but now a year later its fairly average :(

[flickdsent]

@swiIson same here .i was like. . . wondering if i lost my sense of humour or something.its just not as funny

[subgay]

@swiIson The problem with one liners is its all set-up - punchline, set-up - punchline, set-up - punchline and so on. Once you have heard them a few times your brain sees it coming and that is probably why you find them less funny than the first few times you watched it. Story based jokes usually take longer to "get old" because they can play with the story a bit.

[sam8110]

He looks like a male version of Jane Lynch, haha

[Jibbx]

"get your trunks were going to the library" haha

[DEATHDEVOURED]

guys allright. no dangerfield

[davedave84]

you can tell the audience is mainly made up of middle aged half pissed women

[Seinfeld182]

hey guys I don't mean to be a spammer but I posted 2 video responses of me trying stand-up comedy at my college a few weeks ago, they're called "Sean Leary stand-up (2/22/11)" and "Sean Leary stand-up (3/1/11)". My jokes are all wordplay and puns and props and that kinda stuff, so I'd really appreciate some feedback. thanks!

[cheesyballs]

@Seinfeld182 cant take anyone who likes seinfield seriously

[Seinfeld182]

@cheesyballs lol okay, I also made this account like 2 years ago when Seinfeld was my favorite show. I mean I still think he's funny and you're entitled to your opinion, but nowadays I'm more into Stewart Francis and Tim Vine