Nick Cavnar: 30 Years as Ex-Gay

[arcadian48]

Thank you for this video. I also came out at 50 years of age after a 31 year marriage.

Just today, to a gay male friend, I used the term "deliriously happy". I was amazed to hear the same phrase from you. Best wishes to both of us.

[JesseTheStraightGuy]

Want to know what it's like to be an ex-gay? Watch the video responses above.

[JUlIOBRANDAO]

thank you SO MUCH!!!!! Bless you mu borther!

[bestwishesevent]

Thanks for sharing your story! I found it from searching for answers with for my close friend who feels lead to turn toward a straight lifestyle - I hope your story is able to help others at that crossroad in life!

[avb7]

lovely heartfelt honest story....thanks.

[MajeauX]

4:19 - The terrorist secret agenda is revealed! Their ultimate goal was to turn Americans gay!

[Nohname1]

I couldn't turn away from my spouse if they came out to me. It would be, at first, difficult not having the same relationship(new boundaries and such) but to throw the friendship & love away just bc we are no longer sharing the same bed is imo ridiculous. I have heard of couples that went through similar situations and their marriages evolved into a close friendship that was actually stronger than their marriage and they were happier bc of it.

[scbluesman13]

This is very similar to what happened with my Mother, and ever since she came out (again) when I was very young, our family and relationship has been all that much stronger. It takes unbelieveable courage to step out of your conventions and admit to yourself and others who you really know yourself to be. You have to have faith that those who love you now will always love you. Thanks ZJ for sharing this story. These are not "fringe" stories. This is mainstream America.

[lilililililililiilii]

Cool video, I'm glad he has found happiness! I hope his children were understanding, despite it being the end of his marriage I would hate to think it cost him his relationship with his kids; because it shouldn't...

[g0ysorg]

I'm part of a men's group called g0y (spelled w. a zer0). G00GLE g0ys. It's very challenging to so-called christian "fundamentalists" & "ex-gays". We hear this sort of testimony quite a bit. What we offer are some options that lots of "Christians" don't even begin to consider -- yet completely Scriptural drawing on a 3000+ year old paradigm that shows men IN SCRIPTURE having WIVE/S & male paramours in their lives --neither relationship hurting anyone. G0YS teach #1: That LOVE WORKS NO ILL.

[geoscience]

Is being purely gay an only choice? What if someone wants to change? You telling me there is no choice? To just accept it? It ain't a skin color. Nor is it a birth defect, nor is it retardation.

[NoOnProp8OC]

@geoscience Just because you cannot see it like skin color does not mean that it's not just as much part of someone's makeup. The FACT that people even in countries where you can be put to death for being gay, are still gay anyway proves that it runs just as deep as skin color or anything else you want to compare it too.

[Elentaurel]

Brilliantly well put.

[JustB3NJI]

@NoOnProp8OC I'm 100% for gay rights and agree with you but I think gay rights need to get back to their roots, I think one of the most problematic things for homosexuals in and out the closet is the notion of "gay" because it carries a lot of meaning beyond the sexual acts. A barrier for a lot of people coming out is the fear of a new identity placed upon in which you feel compelled to change who you are - Some people are liberated, but some are already who they want to be, for them it's harder

[amanda2324]

@NoOnProp8OC "proves that it runs just as deep as skin color or anything else you want to compare it too."

No, it doesn't PROVE that. It just proves that people are killed in other countries for being homosexual. That is not evidence for sexual orientation being similar to race. Sexual orientation is dictated by the mind in a very complex manner, while race is a biological feature.

[viastesal]

Waoooo, you guys are really nice. Congratulations.

[menaswen]

yes perhaps he shouldve accepted his sexuality from the beginning, but then having made that sacred committment of marriage,he shouldve stuck by them. if he loved his wife and kids as much as he says he did, he wouldve sacrificied his own pleasure and happiness for them.. and that is what true love is about (regardless of one's sexual preference)

[Rockymtntruth]

Being honest and true to yourself is the most important and healthy thing a person can do in these circumstances. Sacrifice means also giving your wife the opportunity to be loved fully as a woman. Being in a marriage to a man who is not attracted to women (a gay man) is living a lie. It is abusive for a woman to not be able to feel truly appreciated and loved for her womanness, her innate being, etc.

[menaswen]

If his wife could feel no difference in the initial 20 or so years they were married, surely she could bare it for the next 20 years of her existance. I think it comes down to ones beliefs. In my eyes "coming out" again wasnt exactly a considerate thing to do, it was actually quite the contrary. he may well have told his wife about his same-sex attraction; but acting on those attractions is a different story. adultery is adultery. he broke that commitment and chose to live a hedonistic lifestyle

[Rockymtntruth]

menaswen until you can walk in this man's shoes stop acting like an asshole and judging him. He did the right and honorable thing period. Women and children in this kind of situation do move on and do grow as a result just like in a divorce situation between two heterosexual couples do. It's tough but kids are resilient. to "bare it for the next 20 years" sounds like a concentration camp kind of mentality. You sound like one of the ancient pharisees. That's what they would have taught.

[viastesal]

You only live once. He broke his commitment to a lie and chose to make a commitment to his nature.  I wonder if this man still believes the Christian myth? He looks like he moved past it.

[amanda2324]

@Rockymtntruth That's a bunch of bull. Love is not limited to sexual orientation. Therefore, a gay man CAN love a woman. Actually, I would think love based on REAL love and not which gender one is sexually aroused by is a lot more real than the other relationships!

[Rockymtntruth]

Marriage in and of itself is not sacred for itself. Two people make it sacred. It is the couple and the community that makes marriage sacred not some couple kneeling before and altar and going through the religious rituals. The most sacred thing is your personal integrity and your honor to ones self. If you can't be true to yourself you can't be true to the person who you are committed to. He came to the final and difficult realization that he could not live a lie anymore. He corrected that

[RebeccaTruthandLove]

You know, I also was an "ex-gay" for over 30 years, can I tell you about my ex-husband if you will truly try to listen? He always knew, even though I never told him nor did I act on it in the 18 years we were married. After we divorced and he started dating, the first thing he realized was how different and wonderful for him to be loved by a woman who not only loved him but was "attracted to HIM" It was so selfish of me to use him to hide my true self.

It hurts them that we can't love them.

[tirana]

simpleton.

[tirana]

simpleton.

[menaswen]

being happy alone would be selfish. sometimes we have to sacrifice our own happiness to accomodate for the needs of the people arround us. imagine how his kids would be feeling knowing he has now separated from them, and instead of catering to their needs and fathering them and always being there, he has now moved on and sharing that love with someone else. imagine how his wife would be feeling having to have lived with him all those years, only to know it was all a lie.

[RebeccaTruthandLove]

She feels used and lied to, just as my ex husband did. Too bad that we believed the lies of the people who told us we could change, it ends up hurting those around us.

If others could just accept us for who we are and not feed us the lies, we could be out fully and not dragging down others. My ex has forgiven me, and now fights for our equality as I do, so that others do not have to experience the lies. Hopefully his ex wife has found someone who loves her in EVERY way.

[PropheticObserver]

Hosea 4:6 My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children.

[Jacksonholenativ]

This is a beautiful story. Thank you for posting this. I remember many of the lies I used to believe about being gay. That gay people can't be happy living in relationships, that a gay man couldn't be happy when he got older, etc. All of that is a bunch of bullcrap.

[viastesal]

A man can be gay and be happy with another man, but he has to think. There is no paved path leading to happy gay life. You have to make the road and pave it. So some creativity and intelligence is needed.

Some gays who lack creativity opt to just become sex addicted fiends going from one man to another. That life is also empty.

With some creativity a gay man can lead an incredibly great life.

[Jacksonholenativ]

Yes and we know that gay men definitely have the ability to be creative. That's a positive stereotype that I have seen fit the bill on many occasions.

[Words2lvby]

Hey Nick. Very heartwarming story. Took a lot of courage to do what you did.

As a former employee of yours it would have been nice if you could have shown some compassion for some of your gay employees.

Nice to see that you have your life on track. Those of us who never hid in the closet and accepted our sexuality from the beginning and never hid it with a family, really struggled so that YOU could come out at 50. You're welcome.

[gofselofs]

Happy endings do occur! Thank you for sharing.

[PrincessSushii]

Heartwarming :)

[EternalSSA]

Great Testimony!! Thanks for sharing. I also read Mel Whites Story too and it has got too be difficult.