Jackie Mason '08 Vlog 49 Answering Machine Messages

[greenfeld5]

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you can sell your book on commission's. and your old answering machine .

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sell used book in Australia

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[cutechong]

He said "why do you have to change your voice on the answering machine rather than just use your own voice" well here's an answer:

I've been harassed and crap like that. I use a wrong voice so WHEN the harassers call my new number IF THEY GET IT then it sounds like they got the wrong number. I also use the wrong name too. It's a way to trick the harassers. They're really that stupid.

[bullsnutsoz]

killing it jackie so true

[jorgeNum1]

fucking hilarious!!

[HAZIDEAD]

I've seen this a few times, every time it makes me laugh again. So so so funny........

[Tony7840]

RIGHT ON...JACKIE!!!!!

[oom10]

"... I'll destroy your life wherever you live and you'll never be able to talk to anybody again!"

[TheF25key]

The funniest thing i've seen on youtube in a long while.

Brilliant

[dogeymon83]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!  A!!!

[SavoyTruffle78]

Hey Jackie, this is awesome!! But you forgot to mention when people say "please leave me a BRIEF message." I hate that crap! It's soooooo arrogant! Like they just assume you wouldn't know when to stop talking without their precious instructions. Uggghhhh.....

[zyxy45]

LOL! That's hilarious! You are my new hero Jackie! ;-)

Of course there is much truth in this vlog, but at the same time why caring so much about something of zero importance like that hehe. This is what made me laugh.

Well said, just for fun I called home to hear our voice message hehe.

The real thing starts at 3:56 when you start raving about "leaving the time" LOL

What should we say in our answering message then? "Mind the beep" and leave a 2 second blank? ;-)

[jordanthecat]

You've just provided a great public service. Many who watch this video will immediately alter the outgoing message on their answering machines.

[TuxLady]

Jackie! Settle down before you need some meds. If you go that route, Cruise will be all over ya. ;-)

[varjen]

brilliant

[capevideo]

Hey jackie, ever play one of your videos fast?

Its funny to see your hands flayling all over the place.

[newmanpi1]

Jackie ,Great new bit , I really love it. Now i have to change my whole message because of u. Not only that , now a have to go back into therapy to figure out how to put a proper phone message on.

[mickeydougal]

Priceless!

"What else are you going to leave them, a plate of soup?"

Beautiful as always, Jackie!!

[HAZIDEAD]

I laughed hysterically, Jackie...The best!

[bvb720]

Love you Jackie. But please get back on Politics please.

[formerprez214]

Too funny!

[yhshvh10]

giggle (g3)

[lawofficedeb]

Great vlog

[SpitfireHair]

Totally agree with you Jackie. I actually hate phones too. Letters and Post-its. The ONLY way.

[PayrestAccident2]

Maybe I should try to sound more like Jackie in my messages.

[WahWadoto00]

I can't even remember what I said for my answering machine message.

[NoiseChair]

I just hate 'having' to keep my cell phone on my person at all times. Everyones like zomg! where were you?!?!?

[NiaBaby99]

I really like your shirt Jackie.

[Toofewtoo]

Ruination by 'The Ultimate Jew.' That's a scary thought

[48theSear]

But what is on jackie's playlist? More surf rock?

[BlondeRed01]

I'm glad that we're off the politics for now. I get enough of it via "your candidate's ipod playlist"

[Justb4dysfunction]

HAHAHAHAAH NO TOILET PAPER!!11!!!!

[economicdark03]

I know that I naturally just sound like clark gable. For serious!

[Seulvovo00]

A friend of mine used to let his little sister voice his answering machine. Then I bludgeon them with their own Nokias. What a day that was!

[TeaeetLove]

Must... sound like winston churchill... must resist the urge...

[PortJew23]

Don't most answering services tell you when someone called anyway?

[planesick324]

Sometimes I wish I could just get rid of my phone.

[Sergedane]

People are always like I called you! Where the hell where you!. 'Did you leave a message?' No! I never leave messages! get over yourself. Great job jackie!

[Poploxer33]

I get more messages that are just people hanging up after listening to the message. Whats the point?

[flrs80]

awesome

[rightCDhead]

I wish someone would leave me 'plates of soup' instead of messages.

[placidpass789]

I love these joke vlogs!

[WhyWouldWe9]

I just hate it when people leave those "Hello, I can't hear you..... Speak up... You're breaking up Hahah..." Those people need dragged out and shot.

[JetemPolo]

-I hope you live the rest of your life without toilet paper!- I'm using that for now on. That's amazing

[ploikjuyt]

Its every perons peragative what they have on their voicemails, you dont want to listen then just skip it

[JamesGod08]

ROFL

[idioticbehavior543]

I agree with you 100% Jackie.

[happybeingme4321]

You need to focus on more positive things about life. The answering machine is a wonderful piece of technology that has helped our lives a great deal you should be praising it, not complaining about little details.

[takethat432]

A break from politics? In an election year? Perish the thought! :)

[thefirsttime433]

Easy does it

[kiurh76]

great vlog

[jmelf80]

To each its own!

[pamdamodem]

Jackie....You re the Man!

[TalkingRoland]

Great video Jackie- i've been missing the comedy blogs

[WKRPinCINN]

whats the deal with answering machines?

[billy619billal]

LOL! Truly one of his best, which has been missing for a while.

[33Keith33]

I end my message, "...you know what to do at the sound of the tone. Thank you and have a nice day". It's guaranteed to catch everyone off guard.

[TallBrooklynGuy]

rav yankiff. is the guy in the picture behind you jewish? whats his name? please introduce me to your family members. if they are anywhere enar as funny as you i would love to know more about them. if you dont return my blog i will have to call you and leave a message after the tone.

[sakahowdah]

You have reached the automated answering service of your School. In order to assist you in connecting to the right Staff Member, please listen to all the options before making a selection...

* To lie about why your Child is absent - Press 1

* To make excuses for why your Child did not do his/her work- Press 2

* To complain about what we do - Press 3

* To swear at Staff Members - Press 4

[xesiria]

like that shirt Jackie and it is 9:12 pm

[johnsmdm]

this is ridiculous jackie sir, you make jews look like a bulbous..i wore dirty red diapers too but i never thought you would turn right wing..this is terrible sirs..jackie, your place in the tribe is on the outskirts sir, i'm sorry..

[sh8oony]

jackie lookin good my man... u lost some weight over there

[killertoe45]

You do a great WASP voice Jackie. I love it

[hellnosaywhat6]

That is the funniest god damn rant I've seen in a long time. You have me on the floor. Next time talk about how much you hate pants!

[dumbjerks3333]

Very funny Jackie. Call me, I just use the robot voice that comes with the answering machine.

[infesticon]

I have to have "tell me what your calling about" or people will be all hey it's So and so call me back. YOU COULD SAVE ME A CALL IF YOU TOLD ME WHAT IT'S ABOUT.

[tickleme1414]

right on infesticon!

[xiarra69]

Good blog

[beerandchips21]

Jackie calm down! Your blood pressure! :)

[mmmgood3333]

You gotta be kidding me Jackie. You get so upset at the funniest things. Love it.

[ohyeahwhite55]

Jackie I never thought I would say this, but I hope you never call me, because you would kill me because I ask you to leave your message after the beep!

[kimdash98989999999]

Its a very crazy things these voicemais

[oblivion292]

The thing I hate is when you buy a product online for another product (lets say you buy a universal remote for a tv you have) in bold letters it would say "TV NOT INCLUDED"... well no shit its not included. Do people seriously think if they buy a $15 remote there going to receive a $500 tv with it for free? When I see stupid things like this it drives me up a fuckin' tree.

[PhantasticSanShiSan]

Saw you in Toronto(Thornhill) Awesome show, classic humor. You are awesome Mr. Mason.

[norfdak377]

i'm afraid now jackie. lol great blog, i feel like a moron when that happens to me.

[jewishprincess4]

Jackie great blog

[charlessmyth]

Leave a message, Schmuck.. (beeep) What do Jews know about engineering?

[triggsy80]

Jackie, you're a legend but if you'll allow me the audacity to say, chuckling at your own jokes kills it. I remember you best for being dry and leaving us schmucks to figure out when to laugh - great vid though, as always ;)