Anorexia, struggling with restriction & exercise. Part 2

[sarah190291]

hi i just wanted to say thanks for doing these videos. I cant imagine how hard they must have been to do but they have really helped me to understand my friend who has been suffering from anorexia for a long time. I really hope with all my heart that in the future it wont be such a confusing struggle for you and that you get to where you want to be x

[SuperCrazybeautiful1]

i think you are extremely brave to explain exactly how you are feeling x i can relate so much, i am now 30, have been suffering with anorexia/over-exercise since i was 16 x i hope that you will continue to fight and choose life ! love from laura x

[anawings]

hey hunni I just watched this and omg YOU ARE NOT A FRAUD! That nurse was so wrong to say that. You don't have to be skin and bones to get help let alone to actually have an eating disorder. Comments like that can be so detrimental to us. I love you hun u r so beautiful and u deserve to be free of this and get the help with anorexia that u need:) hugs hun xxxx

[painfulsoulbleeding]

Thank you. The nurse who said the comment is actually my aunt! She's not a mental health nurse, but it was still kinda inappropriate for her to say to me. Thanks for your comment. It means so much to me that you watch my videos and take the time to leave comments.

*hugs*

[anawings]

Your aunt! Oh gosh that is um well unfortunate to say the least hun:( Keep persisting. We all support you every step of this journey. Love Chels xxx

[intothepast89]

hey claire, have just watched both parts of your video, and i can totally relate to everything u say. sending 10000 of hugs and kisses u will get through this - YOU ARE NOT A FRAUD i believe in you - you can get through this - lots of love kim xoxoxo

[CinnamonPhoenix]

it's times like this i just wish i could find the right words that would really help in someway... but i don't know if that's possible and besides i'm not much good with words... first though - i'm glad you're back and making videos, i'd missed you... second - i'm so sorry you're struggling and finding things hard right now, and i just wish i could help, if there's anything i can do or if you ever want to talk i'm here... (cont.)

[CinnamonPhoenix]

third i really do relate to a lot of what you say... if that helps in any way

and finally i just hope so much you find the help you truly deserve and until then keep fighting because you're worth life and deserve more than this and i believe you are strong enough to keep holding on

thinkng of you and sending all my love xxx

[painfulsoulbleeding]

Thank you for such lovely comments. It means a lot.

[Sia118]

You are no fraud and you deserve treatment, You are amzing and beautiful, and you WILL get through this xoxo

[sugarfreejello]

I'm so happy to hear you want to fight the good fight and not let it take any more of your life. I hope you are able to reach out and get help. I am an anorexic with BDD who has been at a recovered weight for a year but whose mental state is still very ill. I cannot make videos because I think I look too hideous but I would like to keep watching yours. I know you won't be able to hear this, but I think you are beautiful.

[misstiggykins]

So, all-in-all, I understand 100% with your pain, fear etc. When I finally decided that I really wanted to recover, in 2006, my biggest fear was that once I looked well that I would be considered recovered. I returned to work at a BMI of 18 feeling 'exposed' and terribly vulnerable. Everyone said "I'm so pleased you're better". I felt like replying "actually I'm really fucked up in my head still". That said, I do believe in the importance of weight gain for full recovery.

Take care xxx

[painfulsoulbleeding]

I agree that weight gain is essential to be in recovery. It's so difficult when people presume we're 'fixed/ cured/ better' because we no longer look physically ill. If only they knew it was a MENTAL illness, and nobody can be judged by appearances alone. Weight restoration does not equal full recovery! It's just the very start of a long and painful journey.

[Sia118]

Yey Cathy you sound like me :)))

[misstiggykins]

Fraud? What is a 'proper' anorexic? There isn't such a thing. Our personal experiences of EDs are so individual. Anorexia for me was not about being pretty or attractive either, and that's why I despise all the media stuff that suggests we develop anorexia because we want to look like celebrities. Nope, it's about controlling emotions. I remember feeling 'safe' when my BMI was 13, because I was unattractive. Weight is important for physical recovery but it doesn't reflect our total recovery....

[painfulsoulbleeding]

I have no idea what a 'proper' anorexic is - and to make matters worse my aunt is in the health profession. Just goes to show how people have such a warped view on eating disorders.

As for the idea that I wanted to look like a model or a celebrity...that just makes me laugh. It couldn't be further from the truth. I wanted to become invisible to men, and be such a turn-off that nobody would want anything to do with me in a sexual way.

[WeRFreEDomFighters]

Claire, it's Cathy again - just logged into WeRFreEDomFighters. The issue of 'fearing looking sexual' is something I have addressed in this week's Wednesday video entitled 'What clothes do I wear?'.

Many of the public have the idea that anorexia nervosa is all about vanity, celebrities and models through stupid gossip magazines and general mass media. True, some celebrities and models do have EDs but there's no definite cause-effect relationship (CONT...).

[WeRFreEDomFighters]

I believe that there can be a variety of triggers for anorexia nervosa. I guess I'd sum it up by saying it's a way of trying cope with life. The behaviours of anorexia nervosa and their physical effects feel to 'work' (in terms of emotional regulation) but they're very self destructive.

Sadly, quite a few health professionals show ignorance towards EDs. The sooner they all start to focus on what triggered and maintains the ED rather than just re-feeding and 'body image work' - the better.

[hotchocolatesundae]

I completely agree with you

[hotchocolatesundae]

Just wanted to say that you desrcribe this illness so well, and it is very sad to see how how sad you often look when talking about how you feel. I have a lot of compassion for you