How to deal with Separation Anxiety part 2 of 2

[liveafulllife09]

Just came across your posts yesterday. Not only do I find your videos to be informative, but they show how wonderful you are. You should be so proud of how far you have come. You are definetely destined for wonderful things Bas. I look forward to watching more videos tomorrow. Thanks! xx

[MeAndMyBlackTable]

@liveafulllife09 Thank YOU for your kind comment!

[robinbirdslife]

Hi. I just stumbled upon your channel. I saw the first part of this video and now I'm watching this one. Thank you for being so open and honest...not only are you a great role model for people who don't naturally know how to react to something, but you are a WONDERFUL role model for men to see that it's OK to be open about emotions. THANK YOU!

[MeAndMyBlackTable]

@robinbirdslife Thank you!

[chocolatepoundcake]

Bas, this is another great video of yours that I only watched just now (+part1). It's really helpful to me. However, I do wonder what actually happened to your friend that day. Would you say that is besides the point? I do think it matters what the situation is as to why people are late or pull no-shows. If you don't want to share it's fine, but I'd like to know where people draw the line / what is considered 'healthy boundaries' (I'm still waiting for therapy to figure such things out).

[tostrivetoseek]

thank you for these videos. My seperation anxiety is really affecting my relationship with someone very close to me and I hate it.

How do u find the inner strength to not constantly check ur phone/email when ur waiting for someone to get back to you? I can stand to not look for an hour or so but that intense need to look builds up and builds up and builds up until I give in and then i get upset about not only not hearing anything back, but also because i cant control that need to look.

[tostrivetoseek]

and also when he does eventually get in touch I'm so upset by everything that I end up passing a comment that just sparks an argument or ill-feelings between us. The tension makes me so distressed. I'll argue it out and then just sit and cry for hours and then go to him beggin for forgiveness. By trying so hard to keep him close, I'm just pushin him further away. He's said several times that no matter what he does, it's never good enough. It's not fair on him but i struggle to control myself.

[MeAndMyBlackTable]

@tostrivetoseek Well Grey, it's not easy to write it all in just a comment.. i'm going to make a role-playing video about this topic in the beginning of the new year. But basically it's about not giving someone else control and full power over..YOU. What you think, do, say, want etc.. it all depends on his reaction...And he wasn't even asking for it probably. (1/2)

[MeAndMyBlackTable]

@MeAndMyBlackTable I think it has a lot to do with self-image/self-esteem most of all. But this topic is very complex. I hope you'll be ok. take care of yourself ok. talk to again in the new year :)

[tostrivetoseek]

@MeAndMyBlackTable Thank you for your response, I was half expecting u not to reply. I've subscribed to your channel so I'll be able to see when the new video and any other new videos you do become available. I think that its great what you're doing to try help others cope.

[sLicker88]

You are such a wonderful person. Thank you soo much for these caring,detailed,and helpful videos..they really show what a beautiful person YOU are inside.

[MeAndMyBlackTable]

@sLicker88 Thank you so much!! Sorry for the late response :(

Have a wonderful christmas.

[sweetcitybaby22]

Question: what would you do if the person who triggers you and is not good for you to be around was your sister?

[nephilimchrist]

very good video

[nephilimchrist]

very good video

[MeAndMyBlackTable]

@PrincessaSophie Your welcome Sophie. And thank you for your comment. I hope your treatment will work out for you. Take care :)

[Valkyara]

@MeAndMyBlackTable Thanks, but actually this week is really hard for me because my boyfriend, who is kinda my safe place, is gone for the week.

[MeAndMyBlackTable]

@Valkyara :C That sucks..did you know that he was going away? Maybe you can make a plan with all the things that you can do while he is gone. Fun stuff or things you are good at. To keep your mood up and to make sure that you have something you can fall back on when things get tough. Take care!

[Valkyara]

@MeAndMyBlackTable Thanks for the tips! I did know that he was going away, but I guess I didn't really want to think about it, so it kinda snuck up on me. I have been keeping sorta busy though. These videos really help :) I really enjoy listening to what everyone has to say. Thanks for your concern. I hope you are well and happy. :)

[Valkyara]

@MeAndMyBlackTable Thanks for the tips! I did know that he was going away, but I guess I didn't really want to think about it, so it kinda snuck up on me. I have been keeping sorta busy though. These videos really help :) I really enjoy listening to what everyone has to say. Thanks for your concern. I hope you are well and happy. :)

[BPDsucks]

@Valkyara How did you cope?

[Valkyara]

@BPDsucks That time I really didn't cope very well, but since then I have learned good ways to cope. One major thing for me was to not dwell on my boyfriend while he was away. I of course still visit with him on the phone and text him, but

I try not to sit around wondering what he's doing or waiting on my phone to ring. I have learned to keep myself busy and focus on things that I love doing. One of which is crochet, which has helped me get through many tough times. However, I am very ADD...

[Valkyara]

@BPDsucks ...soooo I have to do more than one thing at once. Usually I am crocheting, watching one of my favorite shows on tv/netflix, and have a book handy (for commercial breaks that bore me to death). That is one part of how I've learned to cope. :) I hope this helps.

[Valkyara]

I just want to thank you SO much for posting these videos! They are extremely helpful! I was suffering from separation anxiety when I came across these videos! Thank you again! These are so helpful. You are doing a great thing by posting these.

[MeAndMyBlackTable]

@Valkyara Hi Hannah,

Thank you so much for your comment. :D And you are welcome. I hope you are doing well.

[SophieSomeday]

What if the people who trigger you are your parents?

[MeAndMyBlackTable]

@SophieSomeday Hi :D How are you doing? Sorry for taking so long to get back at you. I was away for a couple days. I didn't mean to be rude..I'm trying to understand what you mean..you have the feeling that your parents are leaving you (anxiety) and that triggers you? I hope you are doing well!!

[crazymadonna]

What I find very helpful for a lot of BPD issues like anger, tension, anxiety and panic and even dissociation is always having a little ball with spikes in the pocket of my jacket. I don't know the English word for it but in German it is called Igelball- you can find a pic of it at the German Wikipedia.

Thanks a lot, always feel welcome to contact me, Judith

[MeAndMyBlackTable]

Hi Judith,

I looked up the Igelball..I don't think there is an english word for it, but that is a great idea! I have never used one, but i will buy one for all those moments that i get so furious. Because in that first moment of getting angry you have to kick, squeeze or throw something to release that pressure. Thanx Judith!! :)

[crazymadonna]

Hi Bas,

I really like this video and I want to thank you for making it because I suffer from big separation anxiety issues.

I like that you said that there may be reasons for not being called or even met- except that the person don't want to be friends with you anymore.

Well, my experiences show me that it is important to breathe and think BEFORE calling someone very angrily and blame them.

[crazymadonna]

By the way, I bought little Igelballs which were really cheap. I found them while looking for cats' toys. I guess, they are much cheaper than those you can buy in sport shops or at the chemist's.

Take care, Judith

[MeAndMyBlackTable]

Thanx for the tip ;)