Billy Connolly ~ Masturbation

[danlyttle]

66 people are wankers

[3nasacova]

Dear Billy Connolly, I sense a knighthood for you is looming. You will be awarded this most noble of honours for the following:

"The dedicated and invaluable service you have given so selflessly over the years towards lightening things the fuck up for countless people across the British Empire, and around the world."

Sir Billy, in case you are tempted to reject this honour, please be assured the Queen must read out in full and in public the reason she is bestowing this award on you.

[antibeshilo]

seriously how could you fucking dislike

[alextw13jf]

FANTASTIC!!! I will definitely adopt it

[supcuzz100]

its my new hobby... furniture piling.. now fuck off!

[Mariko3939]

He Looks like Beetlejuice in that suit!!

[TheMightyEuan]

billy makes me feel proud to be a scot! warm fuzzy feeling inside :)

[TheRonancarter]

so true, so funny and true

[RachelNo1mjfan88]

soo funny, im in tears of laughter xD, ive never been caught (im a girl)hope i never will be lol. ive not seen this in ages!

[Georgeous129]

@RachelNo1mjfan88 but.....at least you confessed! lol :P

[SoulTenor]

why is he dressed like Beetlejuice?

[ExileDii]

@SoulTenor Suit of the times :D

[arbakra]

2:08 cameraman is wanking

[886rocker]

some guy said to me: Rhys Darby is way more funnier than Billy Connolly and i mean im from NZ also but i laughed and said oh my god you cant be sereious

[IBekeI]

After watching Neighbours: "that's it, I've lost the will to live!"

[blade0954]

classic comedy from a classic man,never ever to be surpassed.

[ADEMruinedmylife909]

"THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE!!!!!" lolz

[andinoble]

62 people (dislikes) have never masturbated

[warpfield98]

@andinoble there probably just americans

[PirateWolf18]

@warpfield98 I'm an american and I agree with you, how sad is that!

[AshLuvsJonnyStew]

BAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! God Bless ya Billy!

[steviet86]

On the other hand i might have a wee wank before i go!!

[ProtestantIRA]

We lost George Carlin but at least we still have Billy Connolly!

[DEZH1]

How can anyone dislike this? There wont be another Billy Connelly in our lifetime or our kids or their kids... Hes a genius,simple as!

[Dragon2802]

furniture piling will be the new planking

[RadarKat73080]

"How do they know?"  They count the number of tense guys.

[ChowYunKitano]

That can work for girls too.

[grc9ball]

THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE!!!!!!!!

[TheReclamation14]

He looks like "The Dude"!!!!!!!!!!

[seripmavevolI]

@TheReclamation14 He does! I thought he looked familiar, but never would of have thought of that.

[twooffour]

@zacharytheknight

Mix of Dennis Hopper and John Cleese, I'd say..

[LouiDS]

LOL

Just Counting Ma Willies :D

Hahahahahaha

[LouiDS]

I read it in a book, Ive never trieed it. >__> 

[casioclark]

2:10 you can see the cameraman shake because he can't stop laughing to keep the thing steady

[BassChanter]

@casioclark I know right? Can you blame him haha. This guy is funny as fuck!

[lepsychokaybird]

Amazing!!!! Best excuse ever. So elaborate! :D I love this man!

[JRuffinelli]

Billy Connolly is a helluva funny guy. And obviously loves Beetlejuice a great deal.

[andydale78]

@JRuffinelli What are you on about "Loves Beetlejuice a great deal"? This particular show by the 'Big Yin' was released before Beetlejuice.

[TheJudeb123]

lol true true 

[TheJudeb123]

lol fuckin helairious how DO THEY KNOW !!!???????????????

THINK ABOUT IT HOW DO THEY KNOW THAT 80% OF BRITTISH MEN MASTERBATE ON A DAILY BASSES ???????? WHAT ABOUT THE WOMEN ???

[andydale78]

@TheJudeb123 He says 68%, and its done by surveys. I myself am not ashamed to admit that I do it, lol. And lets be honest, every male (and probably female) who leaves a comment on this clip has probably done it at least once in their life. If men say they don't do it, they're lying.

[gastrozum]

@andydale78 there are two kinds of men, liars and wankers lol

[andydale78]

@gastrozum haha

[computermaster]

It's not good to be a wanker.

[Zer0nite]

"...another thing is masturbation."

[tommyoasis100]

Watch it with the subtitles lol

[TheNameIsCarla]

The first thing that pops into my head when I see this guy: Braveheart.

[dmguitarist99]

Behold, this is the funniest man to have ever lived. Fuck Dane Cook, Fuck Larry the Cable Guy.

"Ehh,Uhh......I was just countin' me willies..."

I died

[teacherguapa]

Years later, made my day AGAIN!

[TheNoCoincidence]

i know this guy since 5 hours...(am from germany) and i can honestly say: i don´t laugh much about comediansbut this guy really ...blows me away...the greatest invention of mankind is humor

[andydale78]

British?!?!?!?!? How dare you!! He's Scottish. End of

[Echioderm]

@andydale78

Scotland is a part of Britain, so technically, he's both!

Who cares anyway? He's a hilarious comedian!

[andydale78]

@Echioderm Its a Scottish thing, ask anyone who's British, a Welshman will always say he/she's Welsh, Englishman - English, Irishman - Irish, Scotsman - Scottish, although, you're right we are British, at the same time, we aren't.

Alba Gu Braith

[RoisinEladamri]

@Echioderm I class myself as Scottish, NOT British

[themarkofthebeast3]

@RoisinEladamri

But you are British, whether you like it or not. Check your passport.

[RoisinEladamri]

@themarkofthebeast3 Does it look as though I give a damn? I'm Scottish, not British. 100%

[themarkofthebeast3]

@RoisinEladamri

There's no point being in denial about it, is there? You're a citizen of the United Kingdom. You're British.

What do you even care about Scotland anyway? We're being overrun by immigrants, and if it continues, the Scottish people will be a minority in their own country. But you don't care, do you? Because you don't really care about Scotland at all, it's false patriotism.

[sweetdirtylove19]

@themarkofthebeast3

You seem like a right wing ass...or is it arse? haha Since Scotland was an Independent monarchy, and has a different culture than that of england, he's right HE'S FUCKING SCOTTISH, and guess whose not getting beamed up now fuckin Sassenach

[themarkofthebeast3]

@sweetdirtylove19

Does one have to be "right-wing" to be concerned about the rapid demographic change in this country?

SHE is British. Are you Scottish? Then you are also British. You might not like it, you might not agree with it, but you can't change the fact that Scottish people ARE British. And until we're "independent" from the UK, then it will remain that way.

But under the SNP we'd only be ruled by Brussels anyway.

And "ass" is an American word. And a donkey.

[sweetdirtylove19]

@themarkofthebeast3

ITS ASS FOR ME < Creole American

Arse for you^_^

[RoisinEladamri]

@andydale78 WELL SAID!



[Brianbays]

he will always be noah from boondock saints to me

[Thanasis300]

@mrclassickids Actually Billy Connolly is a brilliant stand-up comedian who occasionally dabbles in voice-work and film acting :)

[KjWa13]

59 people wont admit that they wank it!

[MinisterKGB]

Tarantulas and their Wiley Ways, Written by Billy Connolly . Given a 10/10 by a critic with suspiciously hairy palms

[collectivedead]

@MinisterKGB I bet thier palms look like tarantulas

[justFxCKINGno]

seen him in thornton's the other day. <3

[justFxCKINGno]

seen him in thornton's the othe day. <3

[JohnEko]

haha he still has the tag on his pants!

[leskinen212]

Beetlejuice beetlejuice beetlejuice!!! :)

[886rocker]

i masterbate, so what?

[ghede13]

The suit reminds me of Beetlejuice!

[EmperorElliott]

@ghede13 Beetlejuice and Billy Connolly... 2 of my favourite B-guys mashed into one!

[ghede13]

@EmperorElliott Damn right!

[TheLogueyBear]

LEE EVANS IS VIRTUALLY BUGGER ALL COMPARED 2 BILLY!!!

[IIIIIIIIIIIlllIII]

A wee wank before ya go LMFAO

[katherrinee04]

the 59 that dislike it are the ones that got caught... FAILURES!

[SuperACDC1967]

long live masturbation!!! lol

[KungVanargand]

I was eeeehhhh.......

[ballroomwrecker]

how can you dislike this?

[McStevy]

The best thing about billy is that he's just like the guy from your local pub has lots of great stories.

[AtticWarrior1994]

Il Duce ladies and Gentlemen. 

[breerex123]

beetlejuice ?

[debz12180]

im american and we usually dont find your sense of humor funny like ours, but this guy rocks!!!!! i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the wy he talked of suicide bombers hes fantastic which we had someone like him in usa!!!!

[chepe371]

@debz12180 there is someone like him from the USA, his name is LOUIS CK! exactly the american version of him, especially bills 'fuck off' bit its very CKesque

[mylesCPFC]

om crying!!!! hes so funny

[THEMOCKMAN]

im scottish tooo from glasgow :D

[XPOZ3]

what a legend...

[CounterNerd]

LMFAO i'm gonna try this out xD

[AaronBurwell19]

This is so fucking hilarious. Billy Connolly is one of the funniest comedians on the planet. His accent just makes the act even funnier.

[RobertAdamsonn]

Beetlejuice was made in 1988, this was in 1987...

Just was annoyed at people saying that he stole it lol...

[clay4nazz]

i lost the will to live, i'm gotta go jump something high, on the other hand i might had a wee wank before i go

[fuckvbox]

are you calling me a wanker ?? :D:D:D:D:D:D:Dxaxaxaxaxaxaxa

[debz12180]

@fuckvbox yeah a limey wanker lol

[MrXctus]

THANKGOD YOUR HERE!!!

[19Kelt72]

Watched this Video a thousand times at least , and it still makes me laugh !! He's one of the best !!

[kilted06yass]

Aee ehhh.. a wis just countin ma willy's LMFAO

FUNNIEST GUY IB THE WORLD BY FAR

[spanglehoff]

give beetlejuice his outfit back.

[penisfuckeye]

@spanglehoff lol I was trying to figure out who he reminded me of

[litman5000]

@spanglehoff It looks good on him too.

[shabs124]

erm..... Im just counting my willies

[MashyLaLa]

stolette HAAAAAAAAAAAA

[quiltprohelen]

this is Live at Albert Hall

[winoguitaro]

"It's hardly a spectator sport!!" lololololololololololol

[Berrylaff]

Billy Connolly, Billy Connolly, Beetleguise... arh shit.

[HannahMcLean9]

Im just counting my willies :) hahaha

[tccballer]

"on the other hand....i'll have a wee wank before i go." hahahaha

[dylanlawless1]

I LOVE his outfits, where does he shop

[Coruscant98]

@dylanlawless1 It's just 80s fashion :)

[RadarKat73080]

They count all the men who are tense.

[montey2]

i had that spider on my knob last night!! :/

[Archigearour]

The cameraman is laughing, ROFL.

[keitarokinomoto]

OMG, Beetlejuice!

[winoguitaro]

does it show up on the Richter scale or something? LOL!!!!!!!

[reflex0r]

hahahahah 'i might have a wee wank before I go'

[LiMaoTang]

it does not work.

[azgeogirl]

"a wee wank"  rofl

[lilyslimit]

he did this in his Pale Blue Scottishman show---or something like it!

[MrHenka15]

Billy is the funniest man alive, and cracks me up every time.

[123enigma456]

I errr..... I was just countin' my willies!  lolololol i couldnt stop laughing

Billy Connolly is a genius

[thetoobnoob]

THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE!

[m0n5terZERO]

I like the Beetlejuice outfit

[klostertorv]

I´ve got the biggest crush on hin :)

[cypress8blade]

billy connolly looks like the scottish beetle juice! and i love him for it.

[Pranksterboy333]

As an up and coming Stand Up Comedian, this guys my idol. He's the king of stand up!

[AJprofsr]

@Pranksterboy333 What do you mean up and coming?? More like was and is.

[djtee2k7]

@AJprofsr He clearly means he's an up and coming comedian, not billy.

[Pranksterboy333]

@AJprofsr I mean I'm the up and coming stand up! I just started out! I do stand up at bars in Adelaide (in Australia). I'm nowhere near as funny as Billy Connolly though, this guys a genius!

[AJprofsr]

@AJprofsr Gottcha. Goodluck! I'd b looking up to someone like him if I were starting out too.

[joasdragon]

I got caught once, my excuse was: "I got a terrible itch, and nof FUCK OFF!"

It worked :p

[TzekeT]

"id rather cut my fucken hand off" rofl

[superdrunkenpenguin]

lol

[spence0024]

billy connolly live- greatest hits

fucking funny shit

[JPOK1000]

Legend!

[xgs724]

NOT FUNNY

[ACjake666DC]

@xgs724 u suck

[cccchhhhable]

i was just countin my willies!!!!!!!! XD

[HazerWITHTHElazeR]

LMFAO! Bill's a fucking nut.

[99redballooner]

you callin me a wan'er?

[No1mjfan88]

not seen this for ages . billy connelly is great xD lol.

[littlemegamonkey]

This is what you say if someone catches you doing it. ya i was just checking the ummm, specs on the m line for the rotary, girder, I'm retarded

[SpartanM621]

Beetlejuice!

Beetlejuice!

Beetlejuice!

[assasinationnation]

@SpartanM621 I was thinking the exact same thing!

[princepunisher]

@SpartanM621 DUDE YOU MADE MY DAY :DDD

[princepunisher]

59 shames themself too much by this topic ^^

[BethGoth15]

@SpartanM621 Don't say it three times! lol

[TrollCatcher2010]

billy watever is name is is a wanker = trust me

[Idraena]

"Hey, I was, uh ... I was just countin' mah willies!"

[Idraena]

lol love it :)

"bijou strollette"

"The first line is the best line you're going to get. As soon as the offending person walks in the room, and they go, 'OH MY GOD!' you yell, 'THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE!' "

[empiresnoww]

i just heard about him today in music class

[02shieldsy]

i was just counting my willies:)

[g4yn0r]

oh right it sais it in the description

sorry 8)

[g4yn0r]

what show is this??

i love it!

[666kz666]

looks like hes wearing the Beetlejuice suit lol none the less HILARIOUS!

[beatyouful]

dude wank the hell out of your bank

when people say " mank "

[muppmalanga]

Is the cameraman laughing, causing the camera to shake at around 2:07? :D

[nairobi26]

Billy Connolly & his simple, yet foolproof masturbation plans FTW!!

[greggd1888]

Oh meant to say "Bettlejuice" that is bollocks.

[greggd1888]

without a doubt the best stand up comedian ever.

[pbrskater26]

Dude just an observation, some of you may not know what i'm talking about, but is bill with is suit trying to be beatlejuce!

[KentuckyBrad1980]

i love that he laughs at his own jokes lol he makes us scots proud

[acrobaticaromatic]

you must be wary of a person who DOESN'T laugh at their own jokes... why are they saying it if they don't think it's funny? these people are just trying to impress you and are usually being derisive for no other reason than to bolster themselves.

[darrin42]

Funniest shit ever

[ConnDevi88]

Tarantulas and There Wiley Ways would be the best book ever.

[LordMyoo]

THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE!

[hany259]

lol richter scale

[Angim350]

Oh good God... my Granddad told me a spider was trying to bite his penis a few days ago. Suddenly I feel all queesy...

[melikealot]

FML

[Vikturus22]

I love this " I found a new Method. I never Tried it. (smiles ) " lol

[4everhabs]

I love billy connolly but what's with his suit? He looks like a formal referee.

[etheangel2220]

or beetlejuice

[jazzer1974]

u must be dead from the neck up then u tool!!

[pikatore]

It's not funny to you because you have a shitty sense of humour.

[Nathanilldoanything]

HANDS DOWN BEERS UP he is the best comedian ever!!!!!

[gabalot44]

i was just countin ma willies haha