as now i got my self confidence back (i never ever had any confidence of my self), as now i can just ignore her negative comments about me all the time, or having fun of me infront of others and insulting me infront of others. only one thing left, when i see the way she treats my other siblings, the love and care she gives them for nothing in return, but me, no matter what i do, i am just me, the "nothing" daughter of her. i wish i dont see her for the rest of my life.
she made me feel like a loser, she made me feel ugly, she made me feel retarded, she made me cry everytime i see a successful person as she made me believe that i could never succeed in anything. as a reader i could finally spot the signs of narcissism in her, i read alot about the subject, and for the first time in my life i cry out of happiness, finally i can find explanation, finally someone believes me and not going to tells me "SHE IS YOUR MOTHER AND CAN'T HATES YOU"!
..i would have a traingin to be at their mercy....- i had ability to feel for people.. like normal person.. but, would be foolish & attract the same controling ones..- u know..so much to unlearn..& not mirror-as u say HOW to react or treat people.. oh..one thing i have seen in myheart, that i learned, didnt like, was this..i learned that when one spoke of pain, i used to tell of a more worse hurt than what i saw theirs was..cause i was taught this.. now i can react & feel more appropriately.<3
<3 <3 <3 thank you..i needed this.. i still remember your words of wisdom.. - its interesting..the child can pick it up, as in habits..or ways to interact with others..im learning.. but, good news..we dont have to have it...- its TRUE to the narc..you are never good enough.. they r controling..have an agenda for u.. i have learned so much since first watching of this..the Jezebel Spirit is another name for it..u prob knew.. - i learned i was so empathetic & trained to be a doormat..but now not.
you are amazing! im almost 22 and just realizing why i have felt empty for so long.... i was giving for so long and not receiving, finally i can cut these "people" off and live for me now! THANK YOU!
I am 45 yo and I always thought that my mother was just crazy and thought it had a lot to do with why I would walk right into toxic relationships and always had trouble identifying my feelings. I learned very recently that she is a Narcissistic. She is also very selfish and never reallydoes anything for anybody unless there is something in it for her. My issue now is how do I continue to detach from her? I would also like to know about resources and support groups in my area?
It took me 45 years to cotton on to my mothers crap. I didn't know it as narcissism at the time. She would visit and degrade me for working on a computer for 15 years because she couldn't use one. I noticed we argued for no apparent reason. I thought it must be idiosyncratic so I logically thought I was half the process so I was careful to not react to such. Same thing! I ended up pointing out to her regularly 'Mom do you realise you are having another argument about nothing' She would shut up.
Thank you for the information. I am 29 and am just coming to terms with the fact that I have a narcissistic mother. I am an overachieving people-pleaser with self doubt and an muted inner voice. I have never known why, I just thought it was normal. For as long as I can remember when I visualized myself, you know like close my eyes or day dream, my vision always looked more like my mother and less like me, I knew it was odd...but now it makes senses. I will take your journaling advice so I can
I hate my mother, nobody that understands cares because only other narcissists can relate. Only reason I'm not in denial about myself is that the image of being dishonest hurts more than that of a cerebral narcissist.
Alcohol provides a temporary boost of stable self esteem and egosyntonic drugs slowly lead to empathetic epiphany's improving sociability even while sober. Sadly no matter how many friends or how close I let myself be I can't enjoy myself(true or fake). Is there no better way?
"my mother has put on a show for other people around us when there is a conflict...sweet gentle caring , emotive , huggy....then become another person , when we're alone"
When people came by dad played ever the jovial entertaining host whereas I felt antisocial or withdrawn towards these people..I figured out that it was all the years of attacks & put downs from dear old dad that made me feel inferior & self conscious of being an abysmal "failure" (his estimation) which made me so antisocial!
You are very good! Thanks for your help...Growing up as an only child for a # of yrs., my father a Policeman and mother a nacissist (only & spoiled child of a domineering old school-house teacher) I've sure had my problems over the yrs. Thank you for sharing so kindly, & freely!
@59jimkay Geez, You got the whole set-up. The single child parent and narcissism or inverted narcissism is an aspect that I am very suspicious of but have not come across in any N vids. Another is police and their tendency to victimise those with any non conformity to the point of being sociopaths.
My greatest pain , that I have just now fully realized in the past 10 yrs....is that my mother has put on a show for other people around us when there is a conflict...sweet gentle caring , emotive , huggy....then become another person , when we're alone....totally invalidating me in every conceivable way...calling me a spoiled brat...just cruel ..screaming at me to change my personality ...focusing on my faults for hours on end - only to stop when my dad comes home or other people r around.
@fetishisticrose I know exactly what you mean. When I was 12 and at that cheeky age I referred to my mother as 'Mrs plastic bucket head with the texta colored smile' and she went off! I swear her head spun around 3 times and couldn't handle it... WIN !
@GrumpSkull wow I wish I would have said that to her..he he...but then , I'd be lucky to have lived. I know it sucks....but I have realized that I can just avoid her. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
@fetishisticrose I learnt to anticipate them, most times just to confirm not going mad with their demoralising control game. Renovating our home I had to go through my parent's room to mine. Only nessesary for a few months but mum kept the old room just so she could monitor and falsy acuse me of weekend drinking when 17. Dad left a hole in the wardrobe floor and said nothing. Once I went through the man hole anebriated just to dupe her. She was in total batshit confussion the next day. Ha!
ty for the video, I am getting married , and I am finding out, that his mother is a Nass. wow , did not see that coming, she was so nice to me before, and now that the date is getting closer, she is showing her true colors ! i sent this video to Nic, so he can view it too. ty
Thanks for the video. It has taken me years to understand that this is what was wrong with my mother. I was horribly abused by both parents, mother a narcissist, father an alcoholic. My goodness how mother hated my guts and I never knew why, nothing I did was good enough. I was emotionally and physically abused by her and also by my father, but it was easier to forgive even sexual abuse than what my mother gave to me until she died. It was a horrible way to live, never being allowed to be.
Great video Victoria - so relevant to my situation - it always helps tremendously when you hear someone describe exactly what you went through. Keep up the great work!!
I have a question actually. Whenever I would talk to my father, it never felt like he was listening. He would always shift the conversation back to himself, and never remember anything I told him. Like my major. And where I'm going to school. And my favorite color. You know, things like that. He is also extremely manipulative and guilt trips a lot. He twists what's happened to make himself look good. Are these also signs of NPD? I'm just trying to understand...why.
Oh my gosh...I think this is my biological father. This explains a lot. I've suspected it, but this really confirms it. He's come back into my life after 14 years (I'm 20 by the way), and it's been impossible to establish any sort of relationship with him. And I've tried. He is insane, refuses to acknowledge his insanity, and doesn't seem to notice that anyone other than himself is significant. I am so glad my mother left him when I was young, or else I would probably be way more traumatized.
@tfrey01 I understand what that's like. If you tell my mom she's wrong you're no good you're worthless. With me, my brothers, and sisters she'll brush off our problems like their nothing but wine and complain about her problems. My mom always compares herself to other people like my sister's boyfriend's parents. She's like their good ppl and meanwhile she's in no way like them.
Hi Victoria, your clip was so reassuring and helpful - thank you. I'm strating to understand my fathers illness even though he does not see it himself. I'm also learning to move on & accept things from my past,however, I do often worry and feel guilty about my feelings. I would love to be able to help him but my efforts seems hopeless. He believes I am possessed by the devil and blames me for his misery so I am not sure I ever can? If you are able to offer any advice I would be very grateful.
Hi Victoria, your clip was so reassuring and helpful - thank you. I'm strating to understand my fathers illness even though he does not see it himself. I'm also learning to move on & accept things from my past,however, I do often worry and feel guilty about my feelings. I would love to be able to help him but my efforts seems hopeless. He believes I am possessed by the devil and blames me for his misery so I am not sure I ever can? If you are able to offer any advice I would be very grateful.
@TheEmeraldtrinity I wrote my mother a letter too, and she didn't understand it
Narcissists infamously cannot be helped because they simply refuse to see that there is anything wrong with their behavior – it is not them, it is you. Since you can’t pinpoint overt abuse, it’s so difficult to have your feelings validated.
Right now I have a no-contact contract with me. All I can say is: focus on the positives. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Try to make each day fun
You may initially feel loss, guilt and the narcisstic parent may banish you from their "kingdome" forever. RUN anyway.. In the long RUN you will feel freedom.
I moved 3000 miles away and contact him about twice a year by email and telephone message for his birthday. So folks, ,don't destroy yourself trying to love an narcissist... RUN! They will NEVER EVER change. Don't allow them to suck the will to live right out of you. RUN!
From personal experience.. I was a sweet, vibrant, creative girl who could never understand my father's disapproval on every decision I made, my cheerfulness , my essence. I spent YEARS trying to get my father to love me and I almost destroyed myself in the process. He is a powerful, successful man in our community and can make or break you on a whim. I'm 53 years old. I'll skip all the gory details and just be brief. The ONLY way for me to live was to DISCONNECT contact with him. I moved 3000
Can you imagine the money they make with this? The damages created by these money making scams are huge. It is getting to be time for some litigation with these people. Narcisism was a minor number in the population. ( In Canada .04% of the population). This creates issues in acceptance of sworn testimony. Criminal cover ups, obstruction of justice and breech of trust in Alberta are rife with this nonsense. The fight against transparency and accountability is alive and well in Alberta.
I think my mom and I have healed. I finally told her that I didn't want to hurt. She thought I never cared but I did. I told her that I could tell that she couldn't see me, and I couldn't see myself, so we both didn't know what was going on. I am glad I got the truth out because it got so much off of my chest. I told her that I am not like her. I will stick up for her. It's not the end of the world and it will be okay. Some things get a little out of order sometimes.. Truth be told.
It's not funny. My mom was born like a month or two premature. We both ended up getting insomnia and she hit her head so it got even worse. She thought she had to make me tougher and she was going to do whatever it took to do that. It's like fighting in complete reverse.. It goes to nowhere I see, but she can't see where I am from, so I just don't put anything out there at all. If I am going to talk about something she does I just put myself in her shoes and put myself in her place first.
This is my father... I was always to blame for everything wrong... My father was a hoarder and still is but because I couldn't manage the house with stalks high full of stuff.. Everything he had was wonderful but If I didnt understand that then I was put through hell... I feel this lady IS SOOOO right!!.. I have gone through counceling and am still going to understand my emotions and I'm getting better but I still need work.. Breathing and reflecting has really helped me to pinpoint my emotions
Thank You so much for a lot of info. I am a victim of both Narcissistic parents. My father passed away last year. He didn't talked to my mother 7 years before he passed away. They had a bad relation since marriage 1st day. My mother is much horrible narcissist. Our family life is destructed completely. We always have fights in the home. I am suffering from depression. My mother always blackmail me emotionally. And I feel that I have become a narcissist as well. I wan't to get rid of all this.
@bilalpisces1989 you can, do not give up! most narcissists would never say they are narcissists, so that you do prooves there is hope! where there is a will there is a way! as your parents may have tried to suck out your original personality, try to fill this gap within you with who you really are, this worked well for me. writing into the diary every day: what do I want, what are my wishes and desires, even in small things, what is my favourite food... this makes you individual. all the best!
My mother is a narcissist. The rest of us are just here on this planet to make her feel superior to everybody else. Even her other family members. Whatever you are, whoever you are, she will feel superior to you.
Parents!!! Who fuckin needs 'em! After many years on this planet I am still trying to figure out if mine were BPDs, NPDs or just plain psychopaths. What I know for sure is that from a very early age I became the parent - the nurturing love-giver - to both of them and they fed off my energy like vampires. A a very old man in a rest home - and after making him welcome in my home EVERY day for years - my father told staff, "My son doesn't care about me." How did he get so screwed up?
Yes, I was the cathected child and when I became an adult, I didn't know what I liked, didn't know what color I liked, didn't know who I was and I learned that I couldn't express my own feelings or I would be corrected, told that I didn't really have those feelings because they didn't mirror my mother's feelings. . This takes a long time to correct in a person who has been raised by a Narcissist. I was in therapy for about 10 or 12 years, off and on. It was a lonely and confusing journey.
I am so grateful that I came across your channel. I am the child of a narcissistic mother and co-dependent father. I discovered what it was going a couple of years ago and finally felt like I wasn't going crazy. I have recently become aware of how it has played out in my own life as an inverted narcissist. It is a very difficult process but I am equally grateful for the awareness and am healing everyday. Keep posting your videos, they are really helping people!
@lilprima1 I admire you for your strength. So many are on the same path. First it is tough, but then it is fantastic and so freeing. There are beautiful people out there in the world who will see your value and cherrish you. The past fades away, and the happy present becomes strong and the only truth. Good luck for all!
Commenters here verify what my own surveying reveals: Women more often narcissists, BUT excused by society, police, courts... The majority of today's divorcing mothers use false abuse allegations (very entitled/ narcissistic) to "win in court" which inseparably leads to parental alienation child abuse by them & much more abuse...
What you subsidize you get more of (narcissistic girls & women, esp by single & divorced mothers).
My dad is an alchoholic,my moms a narcissist, my brother tries to outdo me every chance he gets.I am a very talented singer songwriter who is just asking for as much respect as someone off the street would get.I have no normal relaionships.I am not an alchoholic.My mom twists our conversations and thats what makes me start cussing.I hate getting mad but no one else will defend me.i am feeling left out and forgotten.The fire is going out.
@MackTruck40 First it may hurt to "lose" these people, but then - oh the relief! the normal, good people are really out there! but do NOT wait until the fire is gone out! They do not deserve that much influence over you! It is harder to light the fire again after it had gone out (breakdown, depression etc...), rather than taking the small flame and bring it to a safe, wind-free place. Courage! So many have been there, and how comforting is it to know they dealt with it too...! And are happy now!
@MackTruck40 0 I have been there. Go away, stay away, get your own place if you can, cut off all contacts if you have to. This can come to the point where it is a question of life or death. everyone can be pushed to the limits, and beyond, everyone can have nervous breakdowns, and also, even young people can physically some to harm from stress. I do NOT say this to scare you, but to encourage you! Take care, this is your life, be SAFE, as these people are causing harm.
@bananabrule I have been through what you are going through. The funny thing is, people will believe lies told behind your back without questioning them. Also, your mother buddying up to your sister reminds me of the school yard bully, my mother also pulled that trick. I would become ill when I had to be around them. Decide what you want to do in life, work your hardest to reach your goals. and avoid their company at all costs, even disown them if you have to. these kind of people-TOXIC !!
Thanks for the video Victoria! You described my mother to a T! I've always wondered why she was the way she was and your video has helped me figure it out. It's good to here other people share their stories. I realise that I'm not alone :-)
@oxSoNyAxo You are not alone. I am in Germany. People all over the world have to deal with narcissists. Today I talked with a lawyer about how to get all my childhood toys from my NPD-mother. Tough times, but I will be fine. My man is at my side. I wish you many beautiful people that make you feel good and deserve you, unlike NPD-freaks. They don't deserve us. Take care!
I just learnt that my father has NPD and I am still in denial. I think I am still very trapped in this co-dependency relationship, and hesitate to set any boundary with my father. I feel really sorry for him that he is driving people away and is very lonely...I rather swallow the pain and stick around as I care about him too much.
I just learnt that my father has NPD and I am still in denial. I think I am still very trapped in this co-dependency and hesitate to set any boundary with my father. I feel really sorry for him that he is driving people away and is very lonely...I rather swallow the pain and stick around as I care about him too much.
I have a NPD mother. I myself have had to overcome some of the traits...by really listening to others, getting outside myself, etc. I have had a successful marriage for 14 years and have one child. I was still trying to continue to have a relationship with my mother. It blew up in my face about 3 months ago when she had a rage and screamed crazily as I was driving down the highway. She scared me so bad I was ready to call 911..I haven't talked to her since and am not sure if I will again
@suegord421 My goodness, only too familiar! If I may say - stay away! This is a negative spiral that does not get any better, be happy with your life partner and do not look back. I did it and am a happy woman because of this now. Freedom, peace, love - all this is there in the moment one stays away from narcissts. it is sooo bloody worth it! Good luck Forgive me for such undemanded advice, and for being so frank. it is just - that NPD thing is so extremely dangerous... stay well and safe!
Victoria...thank you so much for posting your videos. This one in particular was the first one I stumbled upon and I had a very narcissistic mother and trying to recover from that. I'm also a recovering alcoholic (tried to deal with the pain that way) and am seeing how I had adapted some narcissistic traits to survive their world. I recently had a relationship with someone who also had a very narcissistic father and it really hurt me in significant ways. This video made me cry, the mocking.
My mother is a narcissistic person. Everything that my sister and I do is never good enough, she's always got something bad to say about us and it's always about her.
This is me totally. My mother's methodology with me has completely destroyed my self image, my ability to engage and relate to others, my financial life, my education, my goals, everything. She destroyed me because she needed me beneath her. I was the "scapegoat" and my sister is the "golden child" My life has been a fucking nightmare thanks to my mother's twisted filter she has up against me. I just learned about this less than 2 weeks ago. She's married to a bigger one than she is now.
@mlynn1231 I think my mother is too, I just found out two months ago. Was it as groundbreaking to you as it was for me? Up until I found out, I thought my mom was the PERFECT mother, woman, everything...I just wonder if you got shell-shocked when you found out...I can't seem to muster the courage to complain to my therapist about how bad my mother is at being a mother.
@sueryun I can relate to that. My mother is the same way. My parents are divorced and when they did she twisted me, my brothers, and sister against my dad. I and Some of them fell for her bullshit. My dad's mainly done everything for us. But, she exaggerates her accomplishments from being a mom to taking for sister going to college. My dad took my older brother to counseling and the counselor couldn't put up with her but she's makes up some dumb story of him being an idiot.
@sueryun I'm still reeling, I found out in March. If you're on FB, you should join Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers (Female Only). Tell the admin Meech sent you. It's crazy to read so many stories that sound just like yours, but moreover, to be reminded that YOU weren't the crazy one!
You've described my dad, and you've described me.He shows signs of both BPD and NPD.Now as an adult, I'm still emotionally tortured by being raised by him. I've only been in in a few counseling sessions with my mom and him. But he wasn't budging, no longer felt monitored, and his behaviors worsened. He now also shows features of OCD and displays strange behaviors around food. I'm afraid it's way too late for him to get help, and I don't want to wait until he becomes a serious threat to get help.
thank you! I was in a relationship with narc woman for almost a year and was being sucked deeper and deeper into abuse and humiliation. A chance reading of a website on narcs opened my eyes in just ONE day.
The victims do not assume that the narc could be a narc. It's going to be almost a year since i ended it and i'm soooo mucch better, though the addiction to the b**ch still lingers on. In another year or two i would have completely recovered
@accountatyoutub seek for qualities in good women and realise the immense difference. Also, you have to understand: narcissists do not feel any own personality, therefore need YOURS. what you feel as addiction may be just this: the mechanism she built in order to draw you into her circle. try and learn to be authentic, independent, free - and above all, allow yourself to feel anger. do not repress is. writing about your anger works. This will help freeing you.
So familiar; I'm stupid, thick, would never get a degree, sustain a relationship, I'm good for shouting at, being hit and having a spatula on my head splitting my head open...I'm now me, away from the abuse, but have to remain on SSRI's to improve my mood. It's now MY life
This was of much help, I'm a surviver of an extremely aggressive N. mother. I'm starting to think now, where certain behaviors, like sabotaging myself, have their roots.
yes i was a child of a N parent ..and was a people pleaser and yes felt i wasnt really living and felt rejection by my mother. I think i got some of my anxiety from her. she would scream and yell and i never knew where it was comming.
Victoria you left out the fact that narcissistic parents tend to pick a favorite child, who reminds them of themselves, and put that child up on a pedestal.
@logsandswirls Yes, that's true. I'm a survivor of an extreme N. mother. She put me into the role of the evil child, and my younger (better looking) sister was the little sunshine, the good one, although she acted very much like my mother, throwing tantrums, damaging our home, hitting my parents. I was beaten up by my mother on a regular basis for no reason.
@logsandswirls Yes, and they will certainly have a least favorite child and put that one in the gutter...i guess you all know which one I was with my ma... BUT here's some good news: I was able to FORGIVE MY MOTHER and guess what... I HAVE BEEN SET FREE!!!! THAT'S RIGHT FREE WITH A CAPITAL "F" the best advice i can give is to pray for the strength to forgive and you'll receive. BELIEVE IT! Her power over me vanished with God's help. Good luck with trying to do it without His help.
@logsandswirls omg my mom did that w/ my brother and she would treat me horribly bc i looked like her own mom (who abandonded her when she was young) and my dad. she even wished to never be born...it was hard but I forgive her bc she is suffering by her disorder.
- feel often that something is missing within them
- have grown up not knowing what their feelings are
- are people pleasers and sabotage themselves to serve others
you've just told me what I would have liked to find out some years ago. I now understand where certain characteristics/behavior I have comes from. Thank you Victoria.
@jjong1 it'll get better. learn how to "raise urself" instead of others doing it for you. It was challenging for myself but im getting out of this funk my parents did to me.
I Wrote mother a letter - this way she could not interrupt me - or hold my words against me. It was in writing and it was clear and concise that because she destroyed me, I would not talk to her unless she got help.
But I must confess - I want her to suffer for the damage she done - and I want an apology - I can't help but know my feelings are right that SHE OWES ME AN ENTIRE LIFE BACK! That is what I struggle with. How do I cope?
I am a daughter of a woman who is very painful to be involved with and as I was a victim of this relationship after my father left, and suffered many years. I went my own way gained my identity and strength to live beyond the lies and confusion and self destructive behaviors. I was devastated when she entered into a what could have been a minor family crisis if that- to what was made into a real problem due to her involvement - as a result my 16year son is in her custody. I hurt for him.
The worst thing is fathers being competitive with their kids. My father always competed with us and wanted to show my mother how much more of a man he was than us boys by beating us down. When I started lifting weights and getting a little mucle, he threw a tantrum and said, "Do you think I'm afraid of you?" "Just because you are lifting weights, don't think I'll be afraid of you." "You don't even play football" I was just doing it to get girls and look tougher to other guys.
Thank you for this video. You are right, we need to know and understand narcissism to not attract them to us and get abused again or use the "mimic behavior" on others.
What about a mother who feels she is way far superior than her own daughter? Is it a narcissitic behavior when a mother feels SHE is the one with a big heart who does everything right, while belittling/criticizing/ridiculing her own daughter? If that is it, then this fits my mother to a T!!!
@Sherbearmom1 sounds to me like you are your mothers scape goat, she is gonna make sure she appears superior by rediculing you, pointing out every single fault you have, even if only imagined faults, while being superior, always right, and of course having absolutely no faults of her own to work on. My mother was exactly like this and I simply Refuse to have anything what so ever to do with her. best thing you can do is stay away from her and become the best you can be in whatever you do.
I find this description of N parents and kids to be accurate and insightful. The person attracted to the N is either a N themselves, or they are narcissitically wounded.
Nice talk, Victoria. Only one thing, though - in my experience narcissists marry or get involved with enablers. Two bonafide narcissists would frequently clash with one another. Enablers can exhibit some narcissistic traits or they can be so buried that one would not suspect that they are acting out of deep selfishness in spite of the altruism on the surface. The need to shed narcy traits can be a real problem for kids of N's who hardly experienced any behavior approaching normal.
Hey lady, thanks. I mean it. I have recently had NPD on my mind and am glad to know that the child inside has been battling since birth to escape the NPD family that I was born into. Through my relationship to Christ, I have been doing the self eval's and owning more of my behavior. I am learning to love others and be real an not be a NPD person. Truthfully, I don't really ever want to see or hear from them again. But I will start sending cards on holidays and gifts if I can. I am fine now.
@MsGroovalicious you sound so much like my family, after 49 years of putting up with the nonstop abuse I have finally managed to Divorce myself from my family,and am very happy that I did this. I tried and finally did a test, unknown to them. I spent one last holiday at their house, If after being a perfect person, agreeable in everyway I am still treated poorly I will never see them again, I haven't even spoken to anyone in my immediate family for 3 years, I am a much happier person for it.
I am a child of a narcissitic mother. My therapist diagnosed her by proxy based on the information I gave to him. He called her a toxic poison. I finally started to recover when I cut off all communication with her. This means ZERO contact! To best describe her would be to say, I was nothing more than an object to her. She had no more feelings for me than the person who sat next to her on the bus. The worst was the emotional backstabbing. Mere words cannot express the hurt!
angel i understand I also was raised with a N mom and while the man she married physically and sexually abused me she was having an affair with another man because she told me she needed the support. I am still dealing with this after thirty years and my stepbrother and sister treat me the same way she does they tell me if i just don't talk about it all i will be fine! I ended up having agoriphobia in my twenties and she told everyone..see i told you she has emotional problems!
@scarlett24ful Unbelievable! so familiar!! I am a girl from Germany and for me it was the same! all my family think i am nuts because she told them - but i am sane, and she is the crazy one...! I wish you all the best!!
My father has NPD and my mom is so codependent to him she doesn't even care about anything other than him or her own feelings. She is probably NPD also. I have had so many issues thanks to them.
I have dealt with this all my life. My parent is also what I would describe as Narcisstic with OCD. I tend to have the OCD also in terms of anxiety and having to understand things compulsivly to the point its riidiculous.I live next door, but I have started working on myself and have made progress. LOve my folks, but have begun to realize what I am dealing with
Victoria, great video. I wondered how do children of narcissitic parents fare in friendships and relationships as adults? Is it possible to form lasting relationships with other people?
@yogawaga Children of narcissistic parents don't fare well in friendships or relationships as adults if they themselves become narcissistic. If the child becomes narcissistic (selfish) in order to get their needs met, no one will be happy in a relationship or friendship with that person. People may distance themselves from you or see you as a very selfish person. It is important to see that being narcissistic does not allow love to flow from u 2 another being. U gotta give love to get love.
Is a narcissistic father usually in competition with his kids? Is going into a room where your family was watching a TV show and turning the channel to a sports station, even though the rest of the family was really into the program and there was only one TV, an example of narcissism?
My narcissitic mother actually pretended to have a overactive bladder to keep the attention of my family members while I was suffering from it. At this time I was waking up in the morning with bladder pain and frequent urination and going to bed super early because the feelings in my body were so irritating I did not want to be awake. I know my mother need to use the restroom more than others because she had children, but she had never mention her whole life any problems until i needed support.
Unfortunately, many realize parent narcissism when we need help but don't seem to care.2 years ago my mom took me to the doctor and when we were told it was mono "the kissing disease" (it's very contagious and most people get it once) my mom asked me "how could you let yourself get this?" as though the virus had the weight of an STD (it doesnt)and I'd totally ruined something (my life? her life?) Disreguarding my pain the virus caused me and blaming me for something I couldn't control.
@smidema sounds so familiar, if you finally reach out for support after taking a back seat your whole life due to the person sucking up all the attention, they will come up with ten things they need support for, Pitiful,
@tleab29 That's just one example. The whole family would leave the room in discust but he still had no problem enjoying his games. I could never do this. I'd feel so guilty for disrupting the rest of the family. He could only think of himself and his most basic needs at the moment. It would be nice if parents who walk all over their kids because they are bigger and stronger got a taste of their own medicine. As a parent, you should always want your kids to do better than you!!
My NPD "mother" has been dead for 4-1/2 years now and I'm still relieved and probably always will be. She was the devil just as you describe yours. Being daughters of such a woman was awful and it took all my life to figure it out. After she died it became a lot easier with no more of her lies, but the collateral damage had already been done. I'm still proud she died unforgiven by me. Mothers like that ought to be executed.
@ILuvVaknin my stepmom too has NPD and at times I would be relieved but I love here and feel terrible for feeling that way because I don't want to lose her. My real montherhas schizophrenia and my stepmom to her place and resented me for it. She has always excluded me from the family and only treats her kids as hers but then tells me I am her daughter. If is very confusing.
@pandabead :( - It is called gaslighting - You post makes me so sad - Be strong! & Know you are right - she is trying to destroy you & your reality - GET OUT if possible..
@ILuvVaknin my stepmom too has NPD and at times I would be relieved but I love here and feel terrible for feeling that way because I don't want to lose her. My real montherhas schizophrenia and my stepmom to her place and resented me for it. She has always excluded me from the family and only treats her kids as hers but then tells me I am her daughter. If is very confusing. she has sadistic tendencies and plays mind games to hurt me. sound paranoid but it is very true.
My NPD "mother" has been dead for 4-1/2 years now and I'm still relieved and probably always will be. She was the devil just as you describe yours. Being daughters of such a woman was awful and it took all my life to figure it out. After she died it became a lot easier with no more of her lies, but the collateral damage had already been done. I'm still proud she died unforgiven by me. Mothers like that ought to be executed.
@msmiche1000 It is indeed! I had to cut off contact to my sister because of that. But it saved me. They need to learn the hard way, by themselves. Your own will, wishes, needs have to be the center of your attention now, as they never were before. There needs to be a limit in helping the siblings and trying to influence them - as this is again a step towards your outer world, the well being of OTHERS, and not your OWN. Take care of yours first. Siblings have responsibility for themselves.
@Hauntedscotland You should send your close ones videos like these and maybe link to NPD on wikipedia. If they're not deeply deluding themselves way too much they will hopefully see a pattern. When people are in denial you need to plant a seed and maybe much later they will come to a realization.
@kingofqwerty thank you for your answer. but with my family it actually is the case that they are deeply deluding themselves. this is NPD on the edge of insanity, or beyond. you cannot imagine. there is no talking with them, and it only gets worse. they started stalking me after i cut off contact, and i needed the help of the police against them. this is beyond hope, but i am ok with this. i feel happier without them. difficult to believe for people that this is possible, but it is.
@Hauntedscotland Oh yikes, that sounds awful, I'm so sorry. I wish the best of luck for you and the strength to not let their manipulations have any effect on you.
@kingofqwerty Thank you so much!I wish the same to you! It helps incredibly much that I have such a wonderful strong man at my side. I wish you all the luck possible as well. It is important to realise true happiness is possible, no matter what one has been through. take care. greetings from Germany.
@msmiche1000 Like they need to learn to take respnsibility for their happiness, we need to take responsibility for our own happiness. It is becoming autonomous, independent, strong and free again. whoever is willing may follow. But this is YOUR life. Take good care and all the best, and don't be eaten up in that process of trying to explain to denying siblings. This is very tough, but you deserve better! Stay strong! All the best and good luck
Very good video. Having watched this video and read other articles it appears that my father was/is probably of this disorder... At least now I can put a name to it...It's very true about kids 'play the game' - all my life from a very early age I have had to humour my father using either flattery or distraction to prevent quarrels. I'm 40 now, happily married and have a child. Underneath though I do feel nihilistic - there is no belief only perception - I wonder was this brought by my parenting?
i have a narcissistic brother that's thinks there is nothing wrong with him, waching your video helped a lot thank you for taking the time to record it. Here i am writing to you with a broken heart. my brother is allways saying that his purpose in life is to distroy me and my two other siblings . We have cut all cords with him but he keeps on coming back. He gets to us through our 76 year old mother. so then we have to let him walk all over us. when is enough enough!! what can i do. Cheers
@Sonia6070 I am glad I don't have someone like that close to me. I don't the ability to deal with narcisisst very well. They are like a cancer, destructive to the very fabric of society. Its interesting to hear other people. I personally think our culture in the US, produces many more narcissist then other places. I would give you advice, but every narcisisst I talk to seems not to have any emotional depth. I sometimes feel like I am talking to a machine not a person. I say avoid them
Yes, avoid them. They are just toxic. poisonous people. I haven't spoken nor seen my npd mother in 10 years and do not miss her one iota. Good riddance.
@October3074 While I completely understand your point and I myself even had to do the same with my dad, if you can even love them from a distance, or at least have love in your heart for what they went through that made them that way, that is important too.
Thanks 4 ur encouraging words, but I do not know 'what happened' to her in her youth. From what I understand from her sister who is only 16 months younger than her she has always been selfish and condescending. I think my grandmother (her mother) was an enabler of that behavior as well.
There is another therapist who writes about NPD who actually brought up the same piont about capitalism. I can't remember his name but he is middle eastern. Maybe you can find him on youtube if you search NPD.
@smidema Are you talking about Sam Vaknin? He started online recognition of narcissism in the 90's. It's great that youtube is now being enrolled to expose this disease of society. Narcissists prefer their victims to be isolated. They destroy their credibility therefore denying them validation and sympathy. Having the opportunity to share with so many online really puts a crink in their style. Onwards and upwards!
i dont know what i want. i dont know who i am. ???? what am i??? just dead!
i dont know how to be aware. i find myself working at things in life that i dont want. when i ask myself what i want , i dont know.....i feel only in a maze of illusion mirrors. where do i go, how, where is my face.alone alone death dieing forever untill peace in dead
@FASTMOVINGBROOK My soul weeps for you. I feel as you do. There must be hope in a loving higher power. Blessings, find the 'you' of your truth. Peace, love.
as now i got my self confidence back (i never ever had any confidence of my self), as now i can just ignore her negative comments about me all the time, or having fun of me infront of others and insulting me infront of others. only one thing left, when i see the way she treats my other siblings, the love and care she gives them for nothing in return, but me, no matter what i do, i am just me, the "nothing" daughter of her. i wish i dont see her for the rest of my life.
aseelbar 3 days ago
she made me feel like a loser, she made me feel ugly, she made me feel retarded, she made me cry everytime i see a successful person as she made me believe that i could never succeed in anything. as a reader i could finally spot the signs of narcissism in her, i read alot about the subject, and for the first time in my life i cry out of happiness, finally i can find explanation, finally someone believes me and not going to tells me "SHE IS YOUR MOTHER AND CAN'T HATES YOU"!
aseelbar 3 days ago
..i would have a traingin to be at their mercy....- i had ability to feel for people.. like normal person.. but, would be foolish & attract the same controling ones..- u know..so much to unlearn..& not mirror-as u say HOW to react or treat people.. oh..one thing i have seen in myheart, that i learned, didnt like, was this..i learned that when one spoke of pain, i used to tell of a more worse hurt than what i saw theirs was..cause i was taught this.. now i can react & feel more appropriately.<3
onegreeneye 1 week ago
<3 <3 <3 thank you..i needed this.. i still remember your words of wisdom.. - its interesting..the child can pick it up, as in habits..or ways to interact with others..im learning.. but, good news..we dont have to have it...- its TRUE to the narc..you are never good enough.. they r controling..have an agenda for u.. i have learned so much since first watching of this..the Jezebel Spirit is another name for it..u prob knew.. - i learned i was so empathetic & trained to be a doormat..but now not.
onegreeneye 1 week ago
you are amazing! im almost 22 and just realizing why i have felt empty for so long.... i was giving for so long and not receiving, finally i can cut these "people" off and live for me now! THANK YOU!
Hottielvr 1 week ago
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IceQueen3D 2 weeks ago
I am 45 yo and I always thought that my mother was just crazy and thought it had a lot to do with why I would walk right into toxic relationships and always had trouble identifying my feelings. I learned very recently that she is a Narcissistic. She is also very selfish and never reallydoes anything for anybody unless there is something in it for her. My issue now is how do I continue to detach from her? I would also like to know about resources and support groups in my area?
Monikblessed 3 weeks ago
It took me 45 years to cotton on to my mothers crap. I didn't know it as narcissism at the time. She would visit and degrade me for working on a computer for 15 years because she couldn't use one. I noticed we argued for no apparent reason. I thought it must be idiosyncratic so I logically thought I was half the process so I was careful to not react to such. Same thing! I ended up pointing out to her regularly 'Mom do you realise you are having another argument about nothing' She would shut up.
GrumpSkull 1 month ago
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GrumpSkull 1 month ago
Thank you for the information. I am 29 and am just coming to terms with the fact that I have a narcissistic mother. I am an overachieving people-pleaser with self doubt and an muted inner voice. I have never known why, I just thought it was normal. For as long as I can remember when I visualized myself, you know like close my eyes or day dream, my vision always looked more like my mother and less like me, I knew it was odd...but now it makes senses. I will take your journaling advice so I can
kmielebe 1 month ago
Spot on. Fellow survivor here. Thanx for the great video.
normalperson09 1 month ago
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RETIREMESOON 1 month ago
My moms bf is a narcissist for sure he always wants to get in fight with my brother and I he make both of depressed and I'm sick of it
Alonekiss18 1 month ago
I hate my mother, nobody that understands cares because only other narcissists can relate. Only reason I'm not in denial about myself is that the image of being dishonest hurts more than that of a cerebral narcissist.
Alcohol provides a temporary boost of stable self esteem and egosyntonic drugs slowly lead to empathetic epiphany's improving sociability even while sober. Sadly no matter how many friends or how close I let myself be I can't enjoy myself(true or fake). Is there no better way?
ZaneArcher 1 month ago
Awesome...wow!
Ourenzo1 1 month ago
This has been flagged as spam show
"my mother has put on a show for other people around us when there is a conflict...sweet gentle caring , emotive , huggy....then become another person , when we're alone"
When people came by dad played ever the jovial entertaining host whereas I felt antisocial or withdrawn towards these people..I figured out that it was all the years of attacks & put downs from dear old dad that made me feel inferior & self conscious of being an abysmal "failure" (his estimation) which made me so antisocial!
OlymPigs2010 1 month ago
Thank you Victoria every little bit of advice and support helps me on this journey towards healing. God bless.
pray4salvation 1 month ago
You are very good! Thanks for your help...Growing up as an only child for a # of yrs., my father a Policeman and mother a nacissist (only & spoiled child of a domineering old school-house teacher) I've sure had my problems over the yrs. Thank you for sharing so kindly, & freely!
59jimkay 1 month ago
@59jimkay Geez, You got the whole set-up. The single child parent and narcissism or inverted narcissism is an aspect that I am very suspicious of but have not come across in any N vids. Another is police and their tendency to victimise those with any non conformity to the point of being sociopaths.
GrumpSkull 1 month ago
Thank you for posting this.
SocialStigma 2 months ago
My greatest pain , that I have just now fully realized in the past 10 yrs....is that my mother has put on a show for other people around us when there is a conflict...sweet gentle caring , emotive , huggy....then become another person , when we're alone....totally invalidating me in every conceivable way...calling me a spoiled brat...just cruel ..screaming at me to change my personality ...focusing on my faults for hours on end - only to stop when my dad comes home or other people r around.
fetishisticrose 3 months ago
@fetishisticrose I know exactly what you mean. When I was 12 and at that cheeky age I referred to my mother as 'Mrs plastic bucket head with the texta colored smile' and she went off! I swear her head spun around 3 times and couldn't handle it... WIN !
GrumpSkull 1 month ago
@GrumpSkull wow I wish I would have said that to her..he he...but then , I'd be lucky to have lived. I know it sucks....but I have realized that I can just avoid her. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
fetishisticrose 1 month ago
@fetishisticrose I learnt to anticipate them, most times just to confirm not going mad with their demoralising control game. Renovating our home I had to go through my parent's room to mine. Only nessesary for a few months but mum kept the old room just so she could monitor and falsy acuse me of weekend drinking when 17. Dad left a hole in the wardrobe floor and said nothing. Once I went through the man hole anebriated just to dupe her. She was in total batshit confussion the next day. Ha!
GrumpSkull 1 month ago
ty for the video, I am getting married , and I am finding out, that his mother is a Nass. wow , did not see that coming, she was so nice to me before, and now that the date is getting closer, she is showing her true colors ! i sent this video to Nic, so he can view it too. ty
CharlestonAnnie 3 months ago
Thanks for the video. It has taken me years to understand that this is what was wrong with my mother. I was horribly abused by both parents, mother a narcissist, father an alcoholic. My goodness how mother hated my guts and I never knew why, nothing I did was good enough. I was emotionally and physically abused by her and also by my father, but it was easier to forgive even sexual abuse than what my mother gave to me until she died. It was a horrible way to live, never being allowed to be.
Ewesgirl 3 months ago
Great video Victoria - so relevant to my situation - it always helps tremendously when you hear someone describe exactly what you went through. Keep up the great work!!
chewtheredpill 3 months ago
great video. very informative. thank you.
paragshah2112 3 months ago in playlist TOXIC PARENTS - A
Daughter of Narcissus: A family's struggle to survive their mother's
narcissistic personality disorder : dynastypress.co.uk/books-daughter.html
djx1993 3 months ago
I have a question actually. Whenever I would talk to my father, it never felt like he was listening. He would always shift the conversation back to himself, and never remember anything I told him. Like my major. And where I'm going to school. And my favorite color. You know, things like that. He is also extremely manipulative and guilt trips a lot. He twists what's happened to make himself look good. Are these also signs of NPD? I'm just trying to understand...why.
tfrey01 4 months ago
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mlynn1231 2 months ago
Oh my gosh...I think this is my biological father. This explains a lot. I've suspected it, but this really confirms it. He's come back into my life after 14 years (I'm 20 by the way), and it's been impossible to establish any sort of relationship with him. And I've tried. He is insane, refuses to acknowledge his insanity, and doesn't seem to notice that anyone other than himself is significant. I am so glad my mother left him when I was young, or else I would probably be way more traumatized.
tfrey01 4 months ago
@tfrey01 I understand what that's like. If you tell my mom she's wrong you're no good you're worthless. With me, my brothers, and sisters she'll brush off our problems like their nothing but wine and complain about her problems. My mom always compares herself to other people like my sister's boyfriend's parents. She's like their good ppl and meanwhile she's in no way like them.
Gasparro18 2 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
Hi Victoria, your clip was so reassuring and helpful - thank you. I'm strating to understand my fathers illness even though he does not see it himself. I'm also learning to move on & accept things from my past,however, I do often worry and feel guilty about my feelings. I would love to be able to help him but my efforts seems hopeless. He believes I am possessed by the devil and blames me for his misery so I am not sure I ever can? If you are able to offer any advice I would be very grateful.
eks485 4 months ago
Hi Victoria, your clip was so reassuring and helpful - thank you. I'm strating to understand my fathers illness even though he does not see it himself. I'm also learning to move on & accept things from my past,however, I do often worry and feel guilty about my feelings. I would love to be able to help him but my efforts seems hopeless. He believes I am possessed by the devil and blames me for his misery so I am not sure I ever can? If you are able to offer any advice I would be very grateful.
eks485 4 months ago
@TheEmeraldtrinity I wrote my mother a letter too, and she didn't understand it
Narcissists infamously cannot be helped because they simply refuse to see that there is anything wrong with their behavior – it is not them, it is you. Since you can’t pinpoint overt abuse, it’s so difficult to have your feelings validated.
Right now I have a no-contact contract with me. All I can say is: focus on the positives. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Try to make each day fun
jelmerdejong1 4 months ago
You may initially feel loss, guilt and the narcisstic parent may banish you from their "kingdome" forever. RUN anyway.. In the long RUN you will feel freedom.
58windsong 4 months ago
I moved 3000 miles away and contact him about twice a year by email and telephone message for his birthday. So folks, ,don't destroy yourself trying to love an narcissist... RUN! They will NEVER EVER change. Don't allow them to suck the will to live right out of you. RUN!
58windsong 4 months ago
From personal experience.. I was a sweet, vibrant, creative girl who could never understand my father's disapproval on every decision I made, my cheerfulness , my essence. I spent YEARS trying to get my father to love me and I almost destroyed myself in the process. He is a powerful, successful man in our community and can make or break you on a whim. I'm 53 years old. I'll skip all the gory details and just be brief. The ONLY way for me to live was to DISCONNECT contact with him. I moved 3000
58windsong 4 months ago
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58windsong 4 months ago
I would like to talk to you personally if possible , this is personally affecting me
GhostmysteryGhost 5 months ago
Can you imagine the money they make with this? The damages created by these money making scams are huge. It is getting to be time for some litigation with these people. Narcisism was a minor number in the population. ( In Canada .04% of the population). This creates issues in acceptance of sworn testimony. Criminal cover ups, obstruction of justice and breech of trust in Alberta are rife with this nonsense. The fight against transparency and accountability is alive and well in Alberta.
AnneFox7 5 months ago
I think my mom and I have healed. I finally told her that I didn't want to hurt. She thought I never cared but I did. I told her that I could tell that she couldn't see me, and I couldn't see myself, so we both didn't know what was going on. I am glad I got the truth out because it got so much off of my chest. I told her that I am not like her. I will stick up for her. It's not the end of the world and it will be okay. Some things get a little out of order sometimes.. Truth be told.
lilprima1 5 months ago
It's not funny. My mom was born like a month or two premature. We both ended up getting insomnia and she hit her head so it got even worse. She thought she had to make me tougher and she was going to do whatever it took to do that. It's like fighting in complete reverse.. It goes to nowhere I see, but she can't see where I am from, so I just don't put anything out there at all. If I am going to talk about something she does I just put myself in her shoes and put myself in her place first.
lilprima1 5 months ago
This is my father... I was always to blame for everything wrong... My father was a hoarder and still is but because I couldn't manage the house with stalks high full of stuff.. Everything he had was wonderful but If I didnt understand that then I was put through hell... I feel this lady IS SOOOO right!!.. I have gone through counceling and am still going to understand my emotions and I'm getting better but I still need work.. Breathing and reflecting has really helped me to pinpoint my emotions
saphiremommy 5 months ago
this is right on point. thank you so much!
dharmapunkchick 5 months ago
thanks! great video!
missemilycate 6 months ago
Thank You so much for a lot of info. I am a victim of both Narcissistic parents. My father passed away last year. He didn't talked to my mother 7 years before he passed away. They had a bad relation since marriage 1st day. My mother is much horrible narcissist. Our family life is destructed completely. We always have fights in the home. I am suffering from depression. My mother always blackmail me emotionally. And I feel that I have become a narcissist as well. I wan't to get rid of all this.
bilalpisces1989 6 months ago
@bilalpisces1989 you can, do not give up! most narcissists would never say they are narcissists, so that you do prooves there is hope! where there is a will there is a way! as your parents may have tried to suck out your original personality, try to fill this gap within you with who you really are, this worked well for me. writing into the diary every day: what do I want, what are my wishes and desires, even in small things, what is my favourite food... this makes you individual. all the best!
Hauntedscotland 5 months ago
My mother is a narcissist. The rest of us are just here on this planet to make her feel superior to everybody else. Even her other family members. Whatever you are, whoever you are, she will feel superior to you.
dylanesque66 6 months ago
Parents!!! Who fuckin needs 'em! After many years on this planet I am still trying to figure out if mine were BPDs, NPDs or just plain psychopaths. What I know for sure is that from a very early age I became the parent - the nurturing love-giver - to both of them and they fed off my energy like vampires. A a very old man in a rest home - and after making him welcome in my home EVERY day for years - my father told staff, "My son doesn't care about me." How did he get so screwed up?
zthetha 6 months ago
Yes, I was the cathected child and when I became an adult, I didn't know what I liked, didn't know what color I liked, didn't know who I was and I learned that I couldn't express my own feelings or I would be corrected, told that I didn't really have those feelings because they didn't mirror my mother's feelings. . This takes a long time to correct in a person who has been raised by a Narcissist. I was in therapy for about 10 or 12 years, off and on. It was a lonely and confusing journey.
TheMinnie419 6 months ago
I am so grateful that I came across your channel. I am the child of a narcissistic mother and co-dependent father. I discovered what it was going a couple of years ago and finally felt like I wasn't going crazy. I have recently become aware of how it has played out in my own life as an inverted narcissist. It is a very difficult process but I am equally grateful for the awareness and am healing everyday. Keep posting your videos, they are really helping people!
lalane305 6 months ago
are you still helping people with problems as this vid was 2 years ago? thanks
kerrymckenna 6 months ago
I just turn my back to the narcissists in my family. They have no room being like that in my life. I had imaginary parents growing up.
lilprima1 7 months ago
@lilprima1 Sorry to hear that, can I ask how old you are and how are you doing today?
kingofqwerty 7 months ago
@lilprima1 I admire you for your strength. So many are on the same path. First it is tough, but then it is fantastic and so freeing. There are beautiful people out there in the world who will see your value and cherrish you. The past fades away, and the happy present becomes strong and the only truth. Good luck for all!
Hauntedscotland 7 months ago
narcissits dont attract they repel. narcissist wants a victim not a competitor.
alkaline3oh 7 months ago
Commenters here verify what my own surveying reveals: Women more often narcissists, BUT excused by society, police, courts... The majority of today's divorcing mothers use false abuse allegations (very entitled/ narcissistic) to "win in court" which inseparably leads to parental alienation child abuse by them & much more abuse...
What you subsidize you get more of (narcissistic girls & women, esp by single & divorced mothers).
SEARCH: youtube the psychology of hate
addvoc8 7 months ago
My dad is an alchoholic,my moms a narcissist, my brother tries to outdo me every chance he gets.I am a very talented singer songwriter who is just asking for as much respect as someone off the street would get.I have no normal relaionships.I am not an alchoholic.My mom twists our conversations and thats what makes me start cussing.I hate getting mad but no one else will defend me.i am feeling left out and forgotten.The fire is going out.
MackTruck40 7 months ago
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Hauntedscotland 7 months ago
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Hauntedscotland 7 months ago
@MackTruck40 First it may hurt to "lose" these people, but then - oh the relief! the normal, good people are really out there! but do NOT wait until the fire is gone out! They do not deserve that much influence over you! It is harder to light the fire again after it had gone out (breakdown, depression etc...), rather than taking the small flame and bring it to a safe, wind-free place. Courage! So many have been there, and how comforting is it to know they dealt with it too...! And are happy now!
Hauntedscotland 7 months ago
@MackTruck40 0 I have been there. Go away, stay away, get your own place if you can, cut off all contacts if you have to. This can come to the point where it is a question of life or death. everyone can be pushed to the limits, and beyond, everyone can have nervous breakdowns, and also, even young people can physically some to harm from stress. I do NOT say this to scare you, but to encourage you! Take care, this is your life, be SAFE, as these people are causing harm.
Hauntedscotland 7 months ago
wow lady you are really smart.thanks for the tips.good day.
MackTruck40 7 months ago
@bananabrule I have been through what you are going through. The funny thing is, people will believe lies told behind your back without questioning them. Also, your mother buddying up to your sister reminds me of the school yard bully, my mother also pulled that trick. I would become ill when I had to be around them. Decide what you want to do in life, work your hardest to reach your goals. and avoid their company at all costs, even disown them if you have to. these kind of people-TOXIC !!
pugdogy 8 months ago
Thanks for the video Victoria! You described my mother to a T! I've always wondered why she was the way she was and your video has helped me figure it out. It's good to here other people share their stories. I realise that I'm not alone :-)
oxSoNyAxo 8 months ago
@oxSoNyAxo You are not alone. I am in Germany. People all over the world have to deal with narcissists. Today I talked with a lawyer about how to get all my childhood toys from my NPD-mother. Tough times, but I will be fine. My man is at my side. I wish you many beautiful people that make you feel good and deserve you, unlike NPD-freaks. They don't deserve us. Take care!
Hauntedscotland 7 months ago
I just learnt that my father has NPD and I am still in denial. I think I am still very trapped in this co-dependency relationship, and hesitate to set any boundary with my father. I feel really sorry for him that he is driving people away and is very lonely...I rather swallow the pain and stick around as I care about him too much.
greengreenmom 8 months ago
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Toxicslime1 8 months ago
I just learnt that my father has NPD and I am still in denial. I think I am still very trapped in this co-dependency and hesitate to set any boundary with my father. I feel really sorry for him that he is driving people away and is very lonely...I rather swallow the pain and stick around as I care about him too much.
greengreenmom 8 months ago
I have a NPD mother. I myself have had to overcome some of the traits...by really listening to others, getting outside myself, etc. I have had a successful marriage for 14 years and have one child. I was still trying to continue to have a relationship with my mother. It blew up in my face about 3 months ago when she had a rage and screamed crazily as I was driving down the highway. She scared me so bad I was ready to call 911..I haven't talked to her since and am not sure if I will again
suegord421 8 months ago
@suegord421 My goodness, only too familiar! If I may say - stay away! This is a negative spiral that does not get any better, be happy with your life partner and do not look back. I did it and am a happy woman because of this now. Freedom, peace, love - all this is there in the moment one stays away from narcissts. it is sooo bloody worth it! Good luck Forgive me for such undemanded advice, and for being so frank. it is just - that NPD thing is so extremely dangerous... stay well and safe!
Hauntedscotland 7 months ago
You are very intelligent and you hit issues right on the head! Gos Bless you and your craft. You are an eye opener....
janmia73 8 months ago
Victoria...thank you so much for posting your videos. This one in particular was the first one I stumbled upon and I had a very narcissistic mother and trying to recover from that. I'm also a recovering alcoholic (tried to deal with the pain that way) and am seeing how I had adapted some narcissistic traits to survive their world. I recently had a relationship with someone who also had a very narcissistic father and it really hurt me in significant ways. This video made me cry, the mocking.
juzzsaying 9 months ago
very luscious, beautiful, helpful and recognisable! thank you
hensamenities 9 months ago
very luscious and very helpful and recognisable. thank you!
hensamenities 9 months ago
You are doing a wonderful work. Good wishes.
singerofsilence 9 months ago
You are doing a wonderful work. Good wishes.
singerofsilence 9 months ago
My mother is a narcissistic person. Everything that my sister and I do is never good enough, she's always got something bad to say about us and it's always about her.
It's rather emotionally draining. :(
GrowTheTruth 9 months ago
Excellent!! Thank you for sharing!
FarrahNayka 9 months ago
your hair is EPIC!
GreenMountainThreads 10 months ago
This is me totally. My mother's methodology with me has completely destroyed my self image, my ability to engage and relate to others, my financial life, my education, my goals, everything. She destroyed me because she needed me beneath her. I was the "scapegoat" and my sister is the "golden child" My life has been a fucking nightmare thanks to my mother's twisted filter she has up against me. I just learned about this less than 2 weeks ago. She's married to a bigger one than she is now.
mlynn1231 10 months ago 2
@mlynn1231 I think my mother is too, I just found out two months ago. Was it as groundbreaking to you as it was for me? Up until I found out, I thought my mom was the PERFECT mother, woman, everything...I just wonder if you got shell-shocked when you found out...I can't seem to muster the courage to complain to my therapist about how bad my mother is at being a mother.
sueryun 2 months ago
@sueryun I can relate to that. My mother is the same way. My parents are divorced and when they did she twisted me, my brothers, and sister against my dad. I and Some of them fell for her bullshit. My dad's mainly done everything for us. But, she exaggerates her accomplishments from being a mom to taking for sister going to college. My dad took my older brother to counseling and the counselor couldn't put up with her but she's makes up some dumb story of him being an idiot.
Gasparro18 2 months ago
@sueryun I'm still reeling, I found out in March. If you're on FB, you should join Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers (Female Only). Tell the admin Meech sent you. It's crazy to read so many stories that sound just like yours, but moreover, to be reminded that YOU weren't the crazy one!
mlynn1231 2 months ago
You've described my dad, and you've described me.He shows signs of both BPD and NPD.Now as an adult, I'm still emotionally tortured by being raised by him. I've only been in in a few counseling sessions with my mom and him. But he wasn't budging, no longer felt monitored, and his behaviors worsened. He now also shows features of OCD and displays strange behaviors around food. I'm afraid it's way too late for him to get help, and I don't want to wait until he becomes a serious threat to get help.
TheBaconEggAndCheese 10 months ago
thank you! I was in a relationship with narc woman for almost a year and was being sucked deeper and deeper into abuse and humiliation. A chance reading of a website on narcs opened my eyes in just ONE day.
The victims do not assume that the narc could be a narc. It's going to be almost a year since i ended it and i'm soooo mucch better, though the addiction to the b**ch still lingers on. In another year or two i would have completely recovered
accountatyoutub 10 months ago 2
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Hauntedscotland 7 months ago
@accountatyoutub seek for qualities in good women and realise the immense difference. Also, you have to understand: narcissists do not feel any own personality, therefore need YOURS. what you feel as addiction may be just this: the mechanism she built in order to draw you into her circle. try and learn to be authentic, independent, free - and above all, allow yourself to feel anger. do not repress is. writing about your anger works. This will help freeing you.
Hauntedscotland Vor einer Sekunde
Hauntedscotland 7 months ago
So familiar; I'm stupid, thick, would never get a degree, sustain a relationship, I'm good for shouting at, being hit and having a spatula on my head splitting my head open...I'm now me, away from the abuse, but have to remain on SSRI's to improve my mood. It's now MY life
clairejgray 10 months ago 7
Thank you so much for your posts. It seems to validate the feelings of those that have gone through this Hell.
lemurleslie 10 months ago
This was of much help, I'm a surviver of an extremely aggressive N. mother. I'm starting to think now, where certain behaviors, like sabotaging myself, have their roots.
riewekoche1 11 months ago 5
yes i was a child of a N parent ..and was a people pleaser and yes felt i wasnt really living and felt rejection by my mother. I think i got some of my anxiety from her. she would scream and yell and i never knew where it was comming.
msmra23 11 months ago 2
Victoria you left out the fact that narcissistic parents tend to pick a favorite child, who reminds them of themselves, and put that child up on a pedestal.
logsandswirls 11 months ago 19
@logsandswirls Yes, that's true. I'm a survivor of an extreme N. mother. She put me into the role of the evil child, and my younger (better looking) sister was the little sunshine, the good one, although she acted very much like my mother, throwing tantrums, damaging our home, hitting my parents. I was beaten up by my mother on a regular basis for no reason.
riewekoche1 11 months ago 2
@logsandswirls Yes, and they will certainly have a least favorite child and put that one in the gutter...i guess you all know which one I was with my ma... BUT here's some good news: I was able to FORGIVE MY MOTHER and guess what... I HAVE BEEN SET FREE!!!! THAT'S RIGHT FREE WITH A CAPITAL "F" the best advice i can give is to pray for the strength to forgive and you'll receive. BELIEVE IT! Her power over me vanished with God's help. Good luck with trying to do it without His help.
msmiche1000 6 months ago
@logsandswirls omg my mom did that w/ my brother and she would treat me horribly bc i looked like her own mom (who abandonded her when she was young) and my dad. she even wished to never be born...it was hard but I forgive her bc she is suffering by her disorder.
burrochapadogrl 6 months ago
Children of narcisistic parents
- feel often that something is missing within them
- have grown up not knowing what their feelings are
- are people pleasers and sabotage themselves to serve others
you've just told me what I would have liked to find out some years ago. I now understand where certain characteristics/behavior I have comes from. Thank you Victoria.
jjong1 11 months ago 12
@jjong1 it'll get better. learn how to "raise urself" instead of others doing it for you. It was challenging for myself but im getting out of this funk my parents did to me.
burrochapadogrl 5 months ago
@burrochapadogrl good for you ! i wish you peace!
NickJonasFanatic113 4 months ago
@jjong1
I Wrote mother a letter - this way she could not interrupt me - or hold my words against me. It was in writing and it was clear and concise that because she destroyed me, I would not talk to her unless she got help.
But I must confess - I want her to suffer for the damage she done - and I want an apology - I can't help but know my feelings are right that SHE OWES ME AN ENTIRE LIFE BACK! That is what I struggle with. How do I cope?
TheEmeraldtrinity 4 months ago
Is it possible for a mother in law to be in love with her son and each have narcissitic characteristics?
TerriLF1 11 months ago
You were made for this. God bless you. So many people need this help.
KeneshaCoulibaly 1 year ago 2
I am a daughter of a woman who is very painful to be involved with and as I was a victim of this relationship after my father left, and suffered many years. I went my own way gained my identity and strength to live beyond the lies and confusion and self destructive behaviors. I was devastated when she entered into a what could have been a minor family crisis if that- to what was made into a real problem due to her involvement - as a result my 16year son is in her custody. I hurt for him.
takeityznow 1 year ago
The worst thing is fathers being competitive with their kids. My father always competed with us and wanted to show my mother how much more of a man he was than us boys by beating us down. When I started lifting weights and getting a little mucle, he threw a tantrum and said, "Do you think I'm afraid of you?" "Just because you are lifting weights, don't think I'll be afraid of you." "You don't even play football" I was just doing it to get girls and look tougher to other guys.
mjpitche 1 year ago
Very well said.
I'm a survivor from a narcissistic mother.
Thank you for this video. You are right, we need to know and understand narcissism to not attract them to us and get abused again or use the "mimic behavior" on others.
cherrypie5195 1 year ago
What about a mother who feels she is way far superior than her own daughter? Is it a narcissitic behavior when a mother feels SHE is the one with a big heart who does everything right, while belittling/criticizing/ridiculing her own daughter? If that is it, then this fits my mother to a T!!!
Sherbearmom1 1 year ago
@Sherbearmom1 sounds to me like you are your mothers scape goat, she is gonna make sure she appears superior by rediculing you, pointing out every single fault you have, even if only imagined faults, while being superior, always right, and of course having absolutely no faults of her own to work on. My mother was exactly like this and I simply Refuse to have anything what so ever to do with her. best thing you can do is stay away from her and become the best you can be in whatever you do.
pugdogy 1 year ago
I find this description of N parents and kids to be accurate and insightful. The person attracted to the N is either a N themselves, or they are narcissitically wounded.
calloway7000 1 year ago
Nice talk, Victoria. Only one thing, though - in my experience narcissists marry or get involved with enablers. Two bonafide narcissists would frequently clash with one another. Enablers can exhibit some narcissistic traits or they can be so buried that one would not suspect that they are acting out of deep selfishness in spite of the altruism on the surface. The need to shed narcy traits can be a real problem for kids of N's who hardly experienced any behavior approaching normal.
zamyrabyrd 1 year ago
Hey lady, thanks. I mean it. I have recently had NPD on my mind and am glad to know that the child inside has been battling since birth to escape the NPD family that I was born into. Through my relationship to Christ, I have been doing the self eval's and owning more of my behavior. I am learning to love others and be real an not be a NPD person. Truthfully, I don't really ever want to see or hear from them again. But I will start sending cards on holidays and gifts if I can. I am fine now.
MsGroovalicious 1 year ago 2
@MsGroovalicious you sound so much like my family, after 49 years of putting up with the nonstop abuse I have finally managed to Divorce myself from my family,and am very happy that I did this. I tried and finally did a test, unknown to them. I spent one last holiday at their house, If after being a perfect person, agreeable in everyway I am still treated poorly I will never see them again, I haven't even spoken to anyone in my immediate family for 3 years, I am a much happier person for it.
pugdogy 1 year ago
I am a child of a narcissitic mother. My therapist diagnosed her by proxy based on the information I gave to him. He called her a toxic poison. I finally started to recover when I cut off all communication with her. This means ZERO contact! To best describe her would be to say, I was nothing more than an object to her. She had no more feelings for me than the person who sat next to her on the bus. The worst was the emotional backstabbing. Mere words cannot express the hurt!
angelamwatts 1 year ago
@angelamwatts
angel i understand I also was raised with a N mom and while the man she married physically and sexually abused me she was having an affair with another man because she told me she needed the support. I am still dealing with this after thirty years and my stepbrother and sister treat me the same way she does they tell me if i just don't talk about it all i will be fine! I ended up having agoriphobia in my twenties and she told everyone..see i told you she has emotional problems!
scarlett24ful 1 year ago
@scarlett24ful Unbelievable! so familiar!! I am a girl from Germany and for me it was the same! all my family think i am nuts because she told them - but i am sane, and she is the crazy one...! I wish you all the best!!
Hauntedscotland 7 months ago
nice. thanks alot and keep up the good work
uodet 1 year ago
@gypsymarika I hope you don't believe her sweetheart..:)
sweeetly 1 year ago
I have a lot of qualities of a narcissist but I think they mostly stem from my mother being one. I loved the video by the way, great stuff.
batboyjhg 1 year ago
thank you very much, I almost cried really...wow, i`m starting to understand things better now....
critikush 1 year ago
My father has NPD and my mom is so codependent to him she doesn't even care about anything other than him or her own feelings. She is probably NPD also. I have had so many issues thanks to them.
loiba 1 year ago
I have dealt with this all my life. My parent is also what I would describe as Narcisstic with OCD. I tend to have the OCD also in terms of anxiety and having to understand things compulsivly to the point its riidiculous.I live next door, but I have started working on myself and have made progress. LOve my folks, but have begun to realize what I am dealing with
meow98 1 year ago
@DSchoopify congratulations on your degree, do not let your family pull you down....I grew up with in the same kind of family........GO FOR IT!
LUVJONZ99 1 year ago
Im a good looking man ..Damn it!
Misterafyableism 1 year ago
thanks for your advise :)
khawlaBintAlazwar711 1 year ago
Victoria, great video. I wondered how do children of narcissitic parents fare in friendships and relationships as adults? Is it possible to form lasting relationships with other people?
yogawaga 1 year ago
@yogawaga Children of narcissistic parents don't fare well in friendships or relationships as adults if they themselves become narcissistic. If the child becomes narcissistic (selfish) in order to get their needs met, no one will be happy in a relationship or friendship with that person. People may distance themselves from you or see you as a very selfish person. It is important to see that being narcissistic does not allow love to flow from u 2 another being. U gotta give love to get love.
cosmogurl069 1 year ago
Is a narcissistic father usually in competition with his kids? Is going into a room where your family was watching a TV show and turning the channel to a sports station, even though the rest of the family was really into the program and there was only one TV, an example of narcissism?
mjpitche 1 year ago 15
My narcissitic mother actually pretended to have a overactive bladder to keep the attention of my family members while I was suffering from it. At this time I was waking up in the morning with bladder pain and frequent urination and going to bed super early because the feelings in my body were so irritating I did not want to be awake. I know my mother need to use the restroom more than others because she had children, but she had never mention her whole life any problems until i needed support.
smidema 1 year ago
@smidema
Unfortunately, many realize parent narcissism when we need help but don't seem to care.2 years ago my mom took me to the doctor and when we were told it was mono "the kissing disease" (it's very contagious and most people get it once) my mom asked me "how could you let yourself get this?" as though the virus had the weight of an STD (it doesnt)and I'd totally ruined something (my life? her life?) Disreguarding my pain the virus caused me and blaming me for something I couldn't control.
loveworthdyingfor 1 year ago
@smidema sounds so familiar, if you finally reach out for support after taking a back seat your whole life due to the person sucking up all the attention, they will come up with ten things they need support for, Pitiful,
pugdogy 1 year ago
@mjpitche yes
SanFranGirl1982 1 year ago
@mjpitche
OMG do we have the same father?? I didn't know anyone else had this specific experience!
tleab29 1 year ago
@tleab29 That's just one example. The whole family would leave the room in discust but he still had no problem enjoying his games. I could never do this. I'd feel so guilty for disrupting the rest of the family. He could only think of himself and his most basic needs at the moment. It would be nice if parents who walk all over their kids because they are bigger and stronger got a taste of their own medicine. As a parent, you should always want your kids to do better than you!!
mjpitche 1 year ago
@tleab29 My step dad is like that I hate him soooooo much everyone in my family does and he hates us but we don't have money to move :(
TheGamingDelta 1 year ago 2
My NPD "mother" has been dead for 4-1/2 years now and I'm still relieved and probably always will be. She was the devil just as you describe yours. Being daughters of such a woman was awful and it took all my life to figure it out. After she died it became a lot easier with no more of her lies, but the collateral damage had already been done. I'm still proud she died unforgiven by me. Mothers like that ought to be executed.
ILuvVaknin 1 year ago 2
@ILuvVaknin my stepmom too has NPD and at times I would be relieved but I love here and feel terrible for feeling that way because I don't want to lose her. My real montherhas schizophrenia and my stepmom to her place and resented me for it. She has always excluded me from the family and only treats her kids as hers but then tells me I am her daughter. If is very confusing.
pandabead 1 year ago
@pandabead :( - It is called gaslighting - You post makes me so sad - Be strong! & Know you are right - she is trying to destroy you & your reality - GET OUT if possible..
Sylvia9990211 1 year ago
@ILuvVaknin my stepmom too has NPD and at times I would be relieved but I love here and feel terrible for feeling that way because I don't want to lose her. My real montherhas schizophrenia and my stepmom to her place and resented me for it. She has always excluded me from the family and only treats her kids as hers but then tells me I am her daughter. If is very confusing. she has sadistic tendencies and plays mind games to hurt me. sound paranoid but it is very true.
pandabead 1 year ago
My NPD "mother" has been dead for 4-1/2 years now and I'm still relieved and probably always will be. She was the devil just as you describe yours. Being daughters of such a woman was awful and it took all my life to figure it out. After she died it became a lot easier with no more of her lies, but the collateral damage had already been done. I'm still proud she died unforgiven by me. Mothers like that ought to be executed.
ILuvVaknin 1 year ago
totally excellent! Thanks!
bettybomb88 1 year ago
What's difficult is trying to explain this to siblings who are still in denial and co-dependence.
msmiche1000 1 year ago 18
i agree.
smidema 1 year ago
@msmiche1000 It is indeed! I had to cut off contact to my sister because of that. But it saved me. They need to learn the hard way, by themselves. Your own will, wishes, needs have to be the center of your attention now, as they never were before. There needs to be a limit in helping the siblings and trying to influence them - as this is again a step towards your outer world, the well being of OTHERS, and not your OWN. Take care of yours first. Siblings have responsibility for themselves.
Hauntedscotland 7 months ago
@Hauntedscotland You should send your close ones videos like these and maybe link to NPD on wikipedia. If they're not deeply deluding themselves way too much they will hopefully see a pattern. When people are in denial you need to plant a seed and maybe much later they will come to a realization.
kingofqwerty 7 months ago
@kingofqwerty thank you for your answer. but with my family it actually is the case that they are deeply deluding themselves. this is NPD on the edge of insanity, or beyond. you cannot imagine. there is no talking with them, and it only gets worse. they started stalking me after i cut off contact, and i needed the help of the police against them. this is beyond hope, but i am ok with this. i feel happier without them. difficult to believe for people that this is possible, but it is.
Hauntedscotland 7 months ago
@Hauntedscotland Oh yikes, that sounds awful, I'm so sorry. I wish the best of luck for you and the strength to not let their manipulations have any effect on you.
kingofqwerty 7 months ago
@kingofqwerty Thank you so much!I wish the same to you! It helps incredibly much that I have such a wonderful strong man at my side. I wish you all the luck possible as well. It is important to realise true happiness is possible, no matter what one has been through. take care. greetings from Germany.
Hauntedscotland 7 months ago
@msmiche1000 Like they need to learn to take respnsibility for their happiness, we need to take responsibility for our own happiness. It is becoming autonomous, independent, strong and free again. whoever is willing may follow. But this is YOUR life. Take good care and all the best, and don't be eaten up in that process of trying to explain to denying siblings. This is very tough, but you deserve better! Stay strong! All the best and good luck
Hauntedscotland 7 months ago
Very good video. Having watched this video and read other articles it appears that my father was/is probably of this disorder... At least now I can put a name to it...It's very true about kids 'play the game' - all my life from a very early age I have had to humour my father using either flattery or distraction to prevent quarrels. I'm 40 now, happily married and have a child. Underneath though I do feel nihilistic - there is no belief only perception - I wonder was this brought by my parenting?
dickrenraw 1 year ago
god bless you and THANK YOU!!!!
MsDanny444 1 year ago
Awesome ! You explain alot but I also really love the encouragement near the end. Some of us need that & you did that REALLY well.
lamere2k 1 year ago
i have a narcissistic brother that's thinks there is nothing wrong with him, waching your video helped a lot thank you for taking the time to record it. Here i am writing to you with a broken heart. my brother is allways saying that his purpose in life is to distroy me and my two other siblings . We have cut all cords with him but he keeps on coming back. He gets to us through our 76 year old mother. so then we have to let him walk all over us. when is enough enough!! what can i do. Cheers
Sonia6070 1 year ago
@Sonia6070 I am glad I don't have someone like that close to me. I don't the ability to deal with narcisisst very well. They are like a cancer, destructive to the very fabric of society. Its interesting to hear other people. I personally think our culture in the US, produces many more narcissist then other places. I would give you advice, but every narcisisst I talk to seems not to have any emotional depth. I sometimes feel like I am talking to a machine not a person. I say avoid them
thesparitan 1 year ago
@thesparitan
Yes, avoid them. They are just toxic. poisonous people. I haven't spoken nor seen my npd mother in 10 years and do not miss her one iota. Good riddance.
October3074 1 year ago
@October3074 While I completely understand your point and I myself even had to do the same with my dad, if you can even love them from a distance, or at least have love in your heart for what they went through that made them that way, that is important too.
cosmogurl069 1 year ago
@cosmogurl069
Hello (& Happy New Year! lol)
Thanks 4 ur encouraging words, but I do not know 'what happened' to her in her youth. From what I understand from her sister who is only 16 months younger than her she has always been selfish and condescending. I think my grandmother (her mother) was an enabler of that behavior as well.
October3074 1 year ago
There is another therapist who writes about NPD who actually brought up the same piont about capitalism. I can't remember his name but he is middle eastern. Maybe you can find him on youtube if you search NPD.
smidema 1 year ago
@smidema Are you talking about Sam Vaknin? He started online recognition of narcissism in the 90's. It's great that youtube is now being enrolled to expose this disease of society. Narcissists prefer their victims to be isolated. They destroy their credibility therefore denying them validation and sympathy. Having the opportunity to share with so many online really puts a crink in their style. Onwards and upwards!
zamyrabyrd 1 year ago
i dont know what i want. i dont know who i am. ???? what am i??? just dead!
i dont know how to be aware. i find myself working at things in life that i dont want. when i ask myself what i want , i dont know.....i feel only in a maze of illusion mirrors. where do i go, how, where is my face.alone alone death dieing forever untill peace in dead
FASTMOVINGBROOK 1 year ago
@FASTMOVINGBROOK My soul weeps for you. I feel as you do. There must be hope in a loving higher power. Blessings, find the 'you' of your truth. Peace, love.
gumbyzhi 1 year ago
Comment removed
denisethepainter 1 year ago
great vid hope you still are posting
I just subbed
thanks
silentfades 1 year ago
What you just said matches my mum <