Dan Savage on What Age is it Appropriate to Have Sex

[schmendrikc]

I liked, but with a caveat: fucking the jerk you're with when you're too young is not always due to thinking he's the One because you want to fuck him; sometimes it's just due to teenagers being morons most of the time.

[ManofManyPasswords]

I was crazy horny when I was around 15 years of age. Now at 21 it's much lower, my sex drive.

[superpwn21]

What a messed up world. God specifically said not to have sex until you're married.

[XavierAXB]

@superpwn21 Not everyone believes in God.

[squamish4244]

@superpwn21 You mean St. Paul. Unless you're going by the Old Testament, in which case you'd also have to condone slavery, the stoning of adulterers, and a whole pile of other messed up crap.

[WesleySpeaks23]

I think that its okay to have sex after 16, he almost makes it sound like it's not acceptable

[gamerunknown]

@WesleySpeaks23

I think he's commenting on the hypocrisy of the prevalent culture: "teen sex is always wrong. Both of your parents did it and they're completely normal, but yeah". If he was claiming that abnormal is bad, he would loathe himself since exclusive homosexuality is some standard deviations from the norm (but we know that abnormality isn't bad, hurting others is bad).

[nenolino]

well this is some enlightened view ... thats what iam talking ... lighten up :)

[MUBabe1991]

I was 17 but I was stupid and made the guy wait two years

[1029Itachi]

Shit, I'm almost 18 and never even talked to a girl! (-_-)

[TheKristen1985]

i was 16, almost 17

[TheKristen1985]

nice arms dan

[3tangle3]

WE DON'T TALK ABOUT LOVE!!! WE ONLY WANT TO GET FUUUUCKED :/

[ItsMoriashkiBitches]

@3tangle3 love always turns into hurt and dispair, fucking is always good and isn't harmfull like love is.

[gamerunknown]

@ItsMoriashkiBitches

There's a lot of bad loveless fucking. Rape*, prostitution** and pornography** often qualify.

* Including marital rape.

** Not that it should be criminalised, but its pretty much a function of wage-slavery.

*** Where its tied to a repressive culture. It doesn't need to be demeaning, but a combination of profiting off of it, a sexually inhibited culture and perhaps the fetishisation of violence cause it to be iffy. Slavoj Zizek has a good commentary.

[sirus804]

@gamerunknown pornography and prostitution aren't "bad".. Forced prostitution is bad but not normal prostitution.. If the girl wants to make money sucking dick, let her suck dick.

[gamerunknown]

@sirus804

It's a simple principle espoused by Abraham Lincoln that renting oneself is not superior to selling oneself. The rational actor theory proposes that all those performing a trade meet as equals, but there is an inherent disparity between those pimped and Johns. The capitalist holds that all those that are not producing surplus value deserve to die, thus in desperation sex becomes a commodity. In Spain after the people's liberation from the Church, prostitution disappeared.

[squamish4244]

@gamerunknown I agree with the rest of your points, but prostitution is alive and well in Spain and many people are still quite religious.

[flyoffdaice]

I think ideally, 18 is a good age to start having sex because that way a person would hopefully passed high school and basically gain more rights if that sex resulted in a baby

[TheEntryCode]

Can one wait until one is in love? It doesn't have to be the "one."

[LichQueenKathie]

~Raises hand~ I didn't lose my virginity until I was in my 20s folks. My advise; go when you want, do it safely and have fun. Dan's spot on the money; teenagers are horny and they're gonna do these things whether we want them to or not. Why don't we let them and give them some PROPER advice? xD Hell the other week I was giving my sister advice on where her Gspot was...yeah, fuuun conversation.....

[colmonhs]

The best advice I've ever heard, too late though.

[pinkpixiechic]

I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18 and personally I think it was the right age for me. I was in a long term relationship and was living independently. While I may not be with that person anymore we were together for 5 years and at the time we cared for each other a lot.

[robmarcreed]

Teenagers need to listen to this in high school.

[SirSecrets]

He knows the correct plural of curriculum. This is worth more than all his advice.

[Snoep76239]

@SirSecrets Yeah, if kids can't even master the language, how are they going to master relationships...

[TheKeananbigstone]

im only 13 and i fucked liike 50 chicks this year...2010.

[NikkieTee]

@TheKeananbigstone Lies :P

[TheKeananbigstone]

@NikkieTee never a lie

[PhoenixFirewolf]

I was 15. It was awkward and painful, of course. Bahaha.

[Lacoux]

wish i was a gay man

[Karanime]

I lost it at 14. The boy I lost it to also lost it to me. He was 15.

[megustaverlas]

I will have sex when I find the possible man who loves me and knows how to protect himself from STDs! (wait, how will I know if he really loves me? :P)

[owlcu]

It's true that most GIRLS lose their virginity at 15-16, because they mature faster and can date older guys. Boys are usually a year or two behind. But what's most interesting about the whole 15-16 thing is how it perfectly coincides with when kids get a driver's license. Once they have a car where they can be alone, look out. So when you have kids of your own, just remember that when they start driving, they start fucking. The government. might as well sync the age of consent with the DMV.

[Karanime]

@owlcu In Vegas... uh... they do.

[DeadButBreathing]

@owlcu However, in Europe where most kids can't drive till 18. The virginity losing age tends to be around 14-16. So I doubt the car has real effect to this.

[owlcu]

@DeadButBreathing But in Europe the age of consent is 14-16 (unlike America), so of course they're going to lose their virginity at that natural age, only don't have to sneak in a car. So it's easier, and more sane.

[DeadButBreathing]

@owlcu True to that. I spend ten years living in China and found that usually people there lost their virginity also around 14-16 too, it seems universal. But the age of consent in China is also 14.

[supersexytammra]

im hotter

[Keither9]

You are one lowlife As*H*le, there needs to be no sex laws to curb people like you that feel the need to capitalize on people like cattle. Politics is simple, when Oprah almost shut your law down with her campaign to make prostitution legal your bunch a\of fascist rot, bought her and started a run, well your run along with your D*ck's are in the dirt to your eye lids and the rotary will expose your Nazi BS. It's not a mental disorder to like sex as a child, your a mental disorder for making laws

[tallderektoronto]

Also, I have to add... Dan you should not state to a group of people that oral sex is almost 100% safe... it may be 80-80% safe but it's not 100% to deseases like Hep C, Hiv - sure it's a rare chance but it can happene ... (unless you wrap it just like you wrap it for the big sex acts)

[tallderektoronto]

It is true, I wish Dan would talk about how so many younger gay guys also tend to see "the one" as 1. popular in the scene (gay party scene) and 2. veyr good looking with a decent bod. It's true, then when you hit 30 - like me, you ask yourself.... what were you thinking ? Being hot or sexy is great but if the guy does not have at least some sort of consience, is it worth it ? That's life though, you can be told it but you gotta learn it for yourself

[loveschocolate93]

This is what confusses me about "the one" I'm 17 and I'm still a virgin. Never had vaginal, anal, oral and so on. And I do want to wait for someone special. I do want to wait until marrige. Because I feel that I am worth the very best, and that there is someone out there just for me. Is that wrong in feeling like i diserve better then the first guy who wants to have sex with me? If I date someone who i respect and who respencs me then yes I would have sex before marrige, but until then I'll wait

[owlcu]

@loveschocolate93 Wait for the fun guy you can be yourself around, instead of the hot guy you need to put on an act for. Some people are so attractive we may find ourselves pretending to be someone we're not without even knowing it, just to be with them. You'll know you've been acting, if you're tired when you shouldn't be. If he behaves differently when you're around his friends, he's been putting on an act himself. Sex is a powerful urge, and marriage does not immunize you against dishonesty.

[loveschocolate93]

@owlcu thank you :) and I actually did find this special person. She and I have become very close and its weird how great we click. she has so much respect for me and I her. I cant explain it but it feel just right with her. and she is my one (for now if we do break up because no relationship is perfact). But thanks again :)

[aacidentalgenius]

@loveschocolate93 I think he's trying to say that if you want to fuck someone then fuck him. Don't be so focused on the "one" that you that you inflate someone into the one

[loveschocolate93]

@aacidentalgenius lol thank you I understand that now. Ur a few months too late, but thank you anyway :D

[Islander255]

Lol about Bristol Palin. Too fucking true.

[004Daniel]

I think waiting for "the one" is fine. If you do not well at least have standards and sleep with someone you actually like. Losing your virginity to someone who is good just to not lose it to someone who is bad seems like really horrible advice and yet he makes sense to people. I just dont know.

[themasterbakerrr]

I had vaginal sex for the first time when I was 17, but I starting having oral when I was 15. This year I'm celebrating 10 years of giving head! No regrets.

[secretsinger9198]

I'm 11 and feel ready but I don't want to mess up my life

[CestTamora]

You may be ready, but most people your age aren't, and most people above your age would take advantage of you. I'd advise that you wait - not because it would mess up your life, but because everyone ELSE isn't ready for YOU.

Plus, it's just better when you're a little older (girls reach their sexual peak in their late 20s)

I'm 19; I lost my virginity last year. He's more experienced than me, and trust me, it was far better than anything my classmates were having in middle or high school.

[ccm800]

@secretsinger9198 I hope you wait. I just do. There is so much to 11 year old life that rocks!!!!!!!!

[domtheglitch]

This is a great video... In Sex-Ed the other day they made us watch this, and I think it's kind of ironic how this guys saying the stuff that they don't teach.

But this guy makes a great point!

[Deadleader555]

Nice video ^^!

[wyoboy65]

The sister of a friend of mine feels she has to be married to somebody if she is going to have sex with them. She is on her fifth marriage....

[fireangel0428]

@wyoboy65 I really don't think that works. I think she should make sure that she is compatable with the person before getting married. This would cut down on divorce cost.

[brook31616]

I would imagine it was a joke... But god bless ya for replying with advice.

[queercat]

God, I wish I would have known this when I was a kid.

I wasn't told anything back in the day!

[phoboskitty]

waiting to have sex until your married is moronic a best, i say have it as soon as your ready and find the cutest guy or girl out there you can find fucking is GREAT!!!! and super healthy for you in fact it could even be said that its unhealthy to NOT have a regular sex life.

[rosepetal34]

i'm an age16 bisexual virgin going to a mixed boarding school i don't know if i'm ready to be sexual and i don't know with what gender, but this is great advice

[anneOnymous1]

Believe me, I was in the exact same boat as you in high school. I didn't end up becoming sexually active with girls *or* boys until I was 18 and in college, because that's when I felt ready.

Don't feel pressured *either way*, and keep a couple of dental dams and condoms on hand just in case. And no, you shouldn't wait for "the one," but it's totally reasonable/advisable to wait until you meet someone with whom you've got decent sexual chemistry. Then, be safe and have fun!

[onlythekillers]

when did you people loose your virginity?

[fireangel0428]

@onlythekillers 15.

[Jasey2007]

i think thats true ive done sexual things and am sexually active but i have not had intercourse so i consider myself to be a semi virgin and my friends think thats weird but i basically mean what this guy is saying

[nikki89xoxo]

Great advice. Yay for kick ass sex life!

I <3 Dan, he is brilliant!

[Goobian]

I have heard at least 3 times people marrying and them and the spouse are both virgins and the sex life is disappointing. And that leads to regretting waiting until they got married.

Sex isn't everything but I cannot imagine waiting until after marrying someone to have sex with them. I would have to know if I have chemistry with them in that way too. But I am a lesbian and don't have to worry about pregnancy :)

[XiaoGui17]

It's not only the sex that's disappointing when people "wait until marriage." "Chaste" couples are so desperate to hop into bed with each other they get married very early, both in life and their relationships. They're too immature and not intimate enough to be ready for such a commitment. It almost inevitably leads to divorce.

[anneOnymous1]

Very much agreed. The problem is that society seems to minimize the importance of sexual fulfillment in a long-term relationship, especially for women. Which is unfortunate and unfair.

[aliemck]

Interesting take...I think it's important to recall, though, that at 14, 15, and 16, the human brain is not fully developed. At that age, not everyone is self-aware enough to know what "ready" means. Which is why we need sex ed programs that help students make healthy decisions and accept themselves and their bodies, as opposed to simple "mechanics" and "sex is bad". I like your views - although I am one of the few who lost my virginity to the love of my life; it was pure chance!

[anneOnymous1]

I don't think he's saying that you absolutely shouldn't end up with the person you first have sex with. It's more coming in with the expectation that you must marry the first person you sleep with that's problematic.

But hey, you happened to fall in love with the first person you had sex with? Awesome. Best of luck in the long term. :-)

[aliemck]

Yeah, definitely - I always had a laid-back approach to sex, and never intended on waiting for "the one". But 2 1/2 years later things are looking pretty good! :P

It's so refreshing to hear someone be so open about sexual education, though - sex, while it can be beautiful and intimate, is still a basic animal urge that we all experience, and it's important to recognize it as BOTH of those things! I hope that schools can start teaching it that way soon. I'm just lucky my parents were so open

[geandily]

holy shit Dan looks ripped now

[kirkuleaz]

take yer shirt off Dan.

[fatpaws]

2:25 - the most sensible shit I've ever heard.

[rextrek]

good advise.

[mpipe]

Dan, you made a good point on the sexual inflation bit.

[AndyDrewandGarcia]

"don't scare away his dick" Lmao