Greatest Line in the History of Comedy

[Trashcansam123]

I don't get it?

[gspendlove]

"I CAN HOLD MY BREATH...FOR A LOOOOONG TIME!"

[perf5paul]

GOLD!!!!!!

[BrettMack13]

I am a locksmith and I LOVE this. Everyday i hope the opportunity comes up when i can actually USE this line. lol

[Breadon92]

well i dunno if it's the greatest line in comedy. it didn't make me personally laugh, gave me a smirk, but didn't make me laugh. i cant really say what the funniest line in comedy would be because there's just to damn many. it's all based on personal belief. i think leslie nielson was an awsome actor particular in dracula dead and loving it :D. i just wish he was still around :(

[LionLiberty]

FECKIN WATER! watch that. now that's funny.

[aerodani]

52 people had house robbed by a locksmith

[SOFAJEDI]

@alien mojo. Does your dog fish bite ?

[tigerspuds]

1500 obviously have not seen or heard any lines from Fr. Ted........

[masontao]

49 people are locksmiths

[ShutterBun2]

I agree, this is, on a theoretical level, a *perfect* joke.

The questions themselves are very typical for this kind of scene. We might ordinarily expect the person to answer "I'm a police officer, and I snuck in" or "I'm a burglar, and I picked the lock." But instead, he gives two perfectly reasonable answers, which also happen to be the exact same answer.

[Alienmojo]

Do a search for DOES YOUR DOG BITE? I would say that one and this one are very close. Peter Sellers doing Cousteau, very funny.

[DarthNizah]

@Alienmojo Peter Sellers did Cousteau? Wow... I guess it was a very good underwater movie... unles you're talking about Clouseau.

[Alienmojo]

@DarthNizah Yes, it was an incredible film. It actually starred both Peter Sellers and Jacques Cousteau in an amazing underwater detective story. A movie that I shall never forget. :)

[sluggs51]

wtf ???????????????

[ChevyFreak63]

Yeah, right...the "greatest single line in the history or comedy"...boy, that was a real knee slapper (yawn...)

[freighter014]

@ChevyFreak63 Reading your comment made me physically ill.

[bobbyeph]

how about Mel Brooks'----"its good to be the king"?

[Extremeineveryway]

How can you pick one line from Naked Gun/Police Squad and say it's the greatest ? I say they're all great . So quotable too . Awesome , classic , funny , well done . Zucker + Abrams + Nielsen = laf laf laf .

[81TransAmJunkie]

I understand the humor but I just don't think it's that funny. I think "Don't call me Shirley" is so much funnier

[737russ]

I agree. Funniest TV line ever. The Great Leslie Nielsen will be missed.

[Bootstrap193]

meh

[nickthename]

INCORRECT : "I'm *a* locksmith.., and I'm a locksmith"

CORRECT: "I'm _the_ locksmith.., and I'm a locksmith."

If you've actually *watched* the episode, you'd see why he refers to himself in that way.

~NtN~

....Now who's misquoting?....

[arcemant1]

Lol man...lol

[goofygoobe92]

Surely you can't be serious?

[danielvutran]

@goofygoobe92 Don't call me Shirley.

[sgalatian]

so... why is this funny?

[KampferXeon]

@sgalatian It's witty, but you wouldn't understand

[Atkinson12333]

Err Can somebody explain this please?!?!?!

[wesker919]

@Atkinson12333

Who is he? He's a Locksmith. How did he get in? He's a Locksmith.

[edusuntrebor]

@Atkinson12333 long story short, two cops used a locksmith business as a cover to find some goons trying to run a "protection" scam, and this guy just found the boss.

[necon76]

Been laughing at this for 5 minutes.

[ZenBarracuda]

Very good.

[MrHaircut1]

Definitely not the funniest thing ever.

[slickrickbawss]

@MrHaircut1

its funny because its a joke that intelligent people get. Not the shit today where someone gets shot in the head and you're supposed to laugh. This is actually funny, but if you don't get it, you are uneducated.

[MrHaircut1]

@slickrickbawss Oh I get it, you arrogant twat. And if you think someone saying that it's "not the funniest thing ever" is the same thing as saying that they "don't get it", you are a moron. I know that it's funny and why it's funny. I just don't think it's the greatest line in the history of comedy. Can you understand that? This gives someone a laugh for a few seconds while there are many other lines or acts of comedy that have given people much more laughter.

[slickrickbawss]

@MrHaircut1

umad bro?

[dreamertk]

@slickrickbawss

Do you like fishsticks?

[slickrickbawss]

@dreamertk

LOL! I love that episode!!

Doctor. Do I have gills?

No, no you do NOT have gills.

[dreamertk]

@slickrickbawss

Would you agree that that would be the single greatest joke in history then? :P

[MrRiggyRiggs]

RIP!

[Trashfished]

Heroin Frank , Heroin!

[theploughmanslunch]

I'm shocked that there are people who don't understand this. Genuinely shocked. I blame the public education system.

Also, it is the funniest thing ever.

[janaethecool]

XD HE got in because he "is a *underlines with sharpie* LOCKSMITH*

[metaRLinfo]

@smithdennison That not funny, it sounds like the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard.

[vomitronic]

This is Enrico Pallazzo

[DiscordChaos]

I love it when the second top comment is correcting the first one.

[maggosh]

@DiscordChaos Amen to that.

[ColaFlavourChewits]

My favourite Police Squad line is from the first episode, when Drebin and his boss are talking to the murdered man's wife and she is getting upset:

"We're sorry to bother you at a time like this, Mrs. Twice. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then."

[Thimmet]

@ColaFlavourChewits That just made my day.

[psylentknight]

@ColaFlavourChewits LMAO, I miss this show even more now.

[StoryMile]

I get it, but i didn't laugh.

[bishopaz]

hahahaha,i got it,i got it!

[grokker]

q: who are you?

a: i'm a locksmith

q: and how did you get in here?

a: and i'm a locksmith

[SecretService80]

Dammit, Leslie, you magnificent bastard!

Rest in Peace. God must be laughing his ass off at you!

[SPORGORE]

@SecretService80 dunno about that but the worms in the ground must be a lot funnier

[mklh4]

Omg lol Leslie Nielson farted in an interview i saw lol! It was so funny.

[donnieaveryfan17]

Lmfao

[alicecooper19isback]

 I am a locksman????

[0ldFrittenfett]

Well... what about "what he was looking for there?"-"Sex, Frank?"-"No, not now, we're too busy"

[DiceyRicey]

haha the cats tail goes OFFFFF.

[nanopp]

I dont think he wrote that line, did he? People are talking as if he wrote all his comedy (I dont known if he did but I wouldnt think so). But nonetheless, he was pretty funny.

[MrMegabreath]

Agree 100%. Greatest line in comedy. Delivered so brilliantly.

[CrumbsForComfort]

absolute genius! I've quoted this too many times!!!

[LordZombieJesus]

Not seen that before, thats brilliant! XD

[S2k2003]

Greatest line in comedy didn't make me laugh.

[greenwich1754]

28 people are bagelsmiths.

[trevbal6]

and a locksmith

[garonman]

I don't think people actually appreciated him while he was around enough. Only in his Death can we now look back with fond memories of him and really know that he was a genius. We will miss you Les xx

[belrandir]

@garonman screw you, I always loved him, bah...

[garonman]

@belrandir screw yourself fool!

[nothingsospecial]

People... They call themselves the smartest animals but can't get over one simple mistake without a neverending fight.

[PeppermintDeodorant]

@nothingsospecial Sincerely, an elephant

[goldensleeves]

CORRECT: "I'm a locksmith. And I'm a locksmith"

INCORRECT: "I'm Al Ocksmith". and I'm a locksmith"

[MrSeventhElement]

Why is this funny?

[luvstartnshit]

WTF? He doesn't say AL ocksmith, he says "I'm a locksmith, and I'm a locksmith, look the shit up before posting stupid shit that you "think" he says, it's a fucking disgrace to a legend that people can't even get his fuckin lines correct.

[lawyerofjustice]

25 people don't know al ocksmith

[uberglocken]

LESLIE NIELSEN THE KING OF THE ONE LINERS...... LEGEND.

[smbobert08]

My girlfriend's Dad wrote that line. =)  So proud.

[TheSeanpatrickobrien]

@smbobert08 i used to have a girlfriend :(

[countryhoney28]

An actor who not only laughed at himself but allowed us to as well. The writing and his delivery of the script are priceless! How he went from the doomed captain in 'The Posiedon Adventure' then to Frank Dreben is amazing. But he had some other great moments- the fishtank, the bar with the disaster pictures framed around him, him fighting with the guy, using hairdryers, the list goes on.

[TemDMindu]

The ultimate straight man - RIP.

[vocalist92]

21 people aren't locksmiths

[Nogli]

@vocalist92 Or a locksmith.

[cindyshealed]

Funny, funny man. Be well on the other side. :-)

[TheStonedSlackerNZ]

I'd put Leslie Nielsen as not only in the top #10 actors of all time, but also the top #10 comedians. RIP mate.

[joethatguyfromlife]

pretty good, but airplane has funnier lines

[anadini]

It's a great gag with a subliminal delivery from Nielson!

[Werdna3791]

LMAO.

[freijaful]

Drebin is da best! What Movie was this

[Metamorp8]

@freijaful It's from the TV show that preceeded the Naked Gun, called Police Squad.

[freijaful]

@Metamorp8 Ohhhhhhhh! cool cool! i'll go look for it. :D

[jesapizza]

With all due respect to Drebin, who was fricking hilarious---

Give me Clouseau anytime--the standard by which all others are measured

"But that's a priceless Steinway!--Not anymore"

[prokentsful]

It's only funny because Leslies Nielson said it.

If anyone else did, you'd all say that it was a stupid joke.

His death has made people respect him more than usual.

[withperfecttiming]

@prokentsful bullshit. this is funny as hell. classic.

[prokentsful]

@withperfecttiming That's not to say that I don't love him though! He's one of my favourite actors. Flying High... Funniest shit I've ever seen. "And Don't call me Shirley" =D

[withperfecttiming]

@prokentsful i see where you're coming from. that's what separated him from other people though.

[tomjinthehouse123432]

@prokentsful

No its classic comedy thats made funnier by Neilsen because he was such a good comedian.

[clq440]

keep pressing 8 8 8 8 8 8

and i'm a locksmith and i'm a locksmith and i'm a locksmith and i'm a locksmith and i'm a locksmith and i'm a locksmith and i'm a locksmith and i'm a locksmith and i'm a locksmith and i'm a locksmith and i'm a locksmith  LOL RIP Leslie

[BBCater]

People who don't get this just don't get subtle humor. Brilliant comedy. Certainly an underrated bit of writing.

[ddurbin0789]

@7disney7 He answered "who are you?" with, "I'm a locksmith" and then answered the second question "and how did you get in here?" with, "and I'm a locksmith". He's a locksmith, which explains how he got in. Just a play on words which Leslie Nielsen is quite good at. Not really sure what's so confusing about this joke but oh well. R.I.P. Leslie Nielsen

[ktbcsn]

Oh man! That WAS funny!

[MrNightHawke]

Make yourself a drink, baby.

[Landrew0]

Not exactly my idea of the funniest line ever.

[7disney7]

i don't get it...

[roundedges2]

@SL1200Ltd Ha Ha! --Actually anal are the people who get all cranky amd insultimg when somebody doesn't like something as much as they do.

I mean "greatest line in the history of comedy"? Come on. And then get all worked up if everybody on the planet doesn't agree?

Kind of silly isn't it?

[mobin0]

@AshleyMarkPomeroy NO

[mobin0]

chastity belt? no problem!

[mobin0]

make yourself a drink baby. NO THANKS BTCH!! hahahhahhahahh imma steal that

[AshleyMarkPomeroy]

@mobin0 I think he says "No thanks, Dutch" - the character's called Dutch.

[Yaz888]

@ThePlasticBowl I called you a dense moron. Sorry that the truth hurts you so.

[HelloFade2]

@Yaz888 yes the truth does hurt oh sure not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing,but it hurts

[TBW92]

... have you ever seen a grown man naked?

Surely, you can't be serious

[jase053pujem]

Legend live forever! R.I.P. Leslie

[thegameroid]

I'm Al Ocksmith. And I'm a locksmith.

[luvstartnshit]

@thegameroid you completely misquoted him

[thegameroid]

@luvstartnshit Says who?

[luvstartnshit]

@thegameroid says every website out there and the fact if you listen to him speak

[thegameroid]

@luvstartnshit Right.... And I didn't misquote him.

[luvstartnshit]

@thegameroid ya, he does not say "al ocksmith" he says "I'm a locksmith, and, I'm a locksmith" .

[thegameroid]

@luvstartnshit Then it's not funny.

[luvstartnshit]

@thegameroid then you don't understand Leslie Nielsen or his comedy

[goldenmulti]

@luvstartnshit you are really dumb arnt u?

[JordansFilms1]

@goldenmulti No. He's not. He understands the joke. You may not, but that doesn't mean that it's not funny or that people who find it funny are stupid. Stop trying to create flame wars.

[luvstartnshit]

@goldenmulti Nope, but I believe you are. Open your fucking ears and listen to the legend. I will explain it for you retard, "who are you? and how did you get in here? "I'm a locksmith, and, I'm a locksmith" You see idiot, the same phrase answered both questions, that is why he repeated it. That's the problem, you misquote legends, and then when people correct you, you get insanely pissed about it. If you can't quote right the 1st time, then don't fucking quote at all.

[Iamthesouljacow]

@luvstartnshit fucktard...

[luvstartnshit]

@Iamthesouljacow That's exactly what you are, a "fucktard" see, I didn't misquote you, because you knew what you called yourself.

[ThePlasticBowl]

Ummm ok help me out I have never seen this show so im not sure why this is funny

[Raymiles2]

@ThePlasticBowl The show is hilarious because the plotlines of the show were all standard cheesy 70's cop show fare, but it contained a lot of goofy ridiculous humour. The delivery of the gags was especially funny because all the characters play their roles completely straight, as if all the ridiculous things going on around them were totally normal and in order. It had a lot of subtle jokes in the dialogue and in backgrounds that a lot of people actually miss because they aren't obnoxious gags.

[thesunreport]

@ThePlasticBowl ...it's just a simple joke..saying 'i'm a locksmith' to both questions, the answers do fit the questions, but are not normal responses. If it happened in real life you might have a giggle to yourselves after saying it, but Nielson is playing it straight to allow the viewer the full impact of the punchline........maybe.. : )

[goodlad22]

@thesunreport I still look at police squad now and find new jokes its amazing, so genius !

@raymiles exactly

[thesunreport]

@goodlad22 ....Drebben has no equals.....so fantastic!...another great example of similar style comedy is 'The Two Ronnies: Mastermind'....it is also masterful.. xD..

[Yaz888]

@ThePlasticBowl

Probably because you're a dense moron. HTH.

[ThePlasticBowl]

@Yaz888 Ummm did you have a reason for calling me a moron or are you just that much of a dick

[ultamatebeatlefan]

Leslie Nielsen = everything good with the world.

RIP

[cetieel]

???????

[thesmashmaster]

Which episode is this from? I thought I've seen all Police Squad episodes (there are six).

[Larsern]

Laughed for like 2 days now from this video, truly the greatest comedy line.

[MrCraZvids]

Surely you can't be serious?

[th3docta]

@MrCraZvids i am serious, and don't call me surely!

[XxkingJerkxX]

how is this funny? i dnt c the joke

[ohrealyfool]

and he didn't make jokes. that why he so funny. especially in the poseidon adventure. try watching his scenes in that and keeping a straight face.

[ohrealyfool]

isn't (wasn't) he "Canadian"?

[DannyDoomPink]

@ohrealyfool yup, he was "Canadian"



[MOGGS1942]

@DannyDoomPink Actually,he half Welsh,on his mother's side. She was from Swansea,I believe.

[DannyDoomPink]

@MOGGS1942 oh cool, i didn't know that. i guess you learn something new every day lol

[LEEDSRHINOS1]

R.I.P. Leslie nielson we miss u

[wirklichdoof]

watch the MAKE SOME PANTS

[roundedges2]

No the greatest line was "Excuse me, Stewardess--I speak jive..."

--and the followup.  That came from nowhere and had me rolling on the floor.

This is oh so clever to snobish smarty pants only if you speak bad english: The proper english answer to " HOW did you get in is a description of method--I.E. "By picking the lock"--not a restatement of one's job. Relying on implication is sloppy and incorrect speech.

[foxnotch]

@roundedges2

Huh? I really don't think the joke was asking too much of the viewer to deduce that a "locksmith" could someone get himself into someplace he isn't supposed to. But I guess that's my "bad" english.

[SL1200Ltd]

@roundedges2 ..and you must still have your anal plug on.

[Atheral]

hes CANADIAN!

[tardaboveall491a]

@Atheral he's half welsch half dane :) and i know welsch is probably spelled wrong, but i'm dane, and that's the part i'm proud of :P

[JacuzziBooty]

POLICE SQUAD and SLEDGE HAMMER were two of the best comedies ever.

[wilmslowforlife]

omg sooo funny :D

[cruhg]

haha i love being a locksmith

[homeroribas]

can somebody please write what they say, I can´t understand very good..

[Bribedpayton34]

@homeroribas He turned around and sad "who are you and how did you get in here?" And officer neilsen replied "Im a locksmith and im a locksmith"

[luvstartnshit]

@Bribedpayton34 Yep, you are correct, I get so tired of people misquoting him by saying "al ocksmith" it's dumb

[vanfanel150]

Er... that wasn't so funny. o_O

"I'm the locksmith and I'm a locksmith." What was so funny about this?

[EnigmaticMan]

@vanfanel150 It's because it's so stupid a joke. Nobody with any intelligence would actually do something like this and get away with it. Or at least, I hope that's the case.

[FishermansFriend23]

@vanfanel150 The man wanted to know who he is, hence the "im a locksmith". He also wanted to know HOW he got in (a presumed locked door), hence the "and im a locksmith" implying that he picked the lock.

[vanfanel150]

@FishermansFriend23 Ok. Now I'm kinda laughing. He's answering his questions. I only recently started watching Police Squad. I love the Naked Gun movies and Leslie in general.

[Allentheawesome1]

i dont get it :O

[IrishBilly100]

Usually when there's a video with a title like that "Greatest ...ever..." it never lives up to it. But not in this case. This line is GENIUS!

Well spotted and thanks for posting!!!