I agree. The films are so boring and extraordinarily confusing - it's almost as if they are just adding in giant women and elaborate characters, insane stuff and events which are way too fast and in your face. It's so grandiose and the 'plot' is padded out and devalued. Is there even a plot?
It goes on. And on. And on. Never again can I sit down and watch that film without vomiting at least twice.
kermode...you are so so so right...anyone who thinks these 3 films are anything but bilge has obviously had a full frontal lobotomy...but hey , my six year old daughter likes them , which is about the mental age you have to be to fully enjoy these movies
the good news is....im entitled to MY opinions and dont have to care one bit what this guy thinks. Critics in MY opinion have the dumbest jobs in the world.....if people want to know if something is good or bad, they should just try it and judge for themselves...the fact that people get paid to say something sucks 90 % of the time is sad....the first one is classic, the 2nd and 3rd are great in their own right, and i just watched the 4th which i also thoroughly enjoyed....mark THAT kermoron
In all fairness to Kermode, I've yet to hear anyone express a genuinely positive view of either sequel. Do you remember (back in the 1970's/80's) when you might watch an entertaining film that made a real impression? You might have thought that it would be nice to see the characters or story continue, but realise that it's better to leave them as a once-off.....well all they're making today are sequels, re-launches or re-makes. There are almost no interesting film experiences anymore.
All this is coming from one critic who, most likely, has watched shows like Upstairs, Downstairs since he was a little kid and thought that shows like that is and always will be the shit. It's just so typical that critics like him, who are from they're early fifty's to god-only-knows-how-old watch these kinds of films just to give them a bad review and label them as "only idiots and mental patients could sit there and watch through this whole atrocity without vomiting".
This dude obviously doesn't realize that the Pirates movies are not a world changing documentary or an oscar winning phenomenal film. They are meant to be a lot of fun fluff, which they are if you can take it for what they are. That being said, the 3rd was the worst one and the 4th was alright, just confusing. My favorite part of this video is when the other guy just gets so sick of the rant and doesn't pay attention and walks off :)
@panandtinkforever I get what your saying but you just missed Mark's whole point of the review. He hated it because it WASN'T a fun movie. In the beginning he said the movie need to lighten up. And movies that are "fun fluff" do not need to be three hours long.
No you're the idiot. Marks point with Pirates 2 and 3, is that scriptwriters threw in a lot of plotlines that did little to actually move the story forward. So yes a lot of stuff "happens", but none of that stuff acutally contributes anything useful, and worst of all, only makes the films longer and more confusing. Also Jack dying at the end of the 2nd film was a just a gimmicky excuse for the third movie to exist.
first was amazing...but second 2 were terrible. Bloom was shite and knightly was just there..pointless actors who wer just irratating. The second one was just annoying to mwatch and the third was just happening and didnt reallt grasp anything. Was so pish
I stopped watching this review when all my credibility for him went out the door...."a bunch of stuff happened, but nothing happened"
im not even a huge pirates fan, so it's not me defending pirates. it's just me not going to listen to a moron who just has some vendetta against this franchise. he would probably hate the new one even if it's the best movie ever made. not saying it will be though. I just hate people who have pre-determined opinions on films, it's annoying.
I was just joking about your porn film. Pirates 2 and 3 ARE shit. Kermode;s wrong about the first one though. Nothing much wrong with Black Pearl bar being a tad overrated.
If the Good Doctor married Mr Bland, the first day of their marriage would't go terribly well because Kermode would find anything sharp to end the actor's life. Would this be Dr Kermode's greatest acheivement, or would it be his downfall if the elf won?
I cannot grasp his utter disdain for Depp's performance. Even if he didn't find it funny, it wasn't THAT bad. He also sounds rather childish when he attributes the success of the franchise to the population's stupidity (and this is coming from someone who essentially agrees with what he is trying to say about the film.)
I liked the first one because it was fun and I didn't hate Johnny Depp then, the second one was enjoyable solely for Bill Nighy as Davy Jones and the third lost its appeal. Number 4 looks dire...
No. He was great in the first movie because the writers spent time giving him an enthralling backstory. He is so annoying and distracting in the 2nd and 3rd, that he's turned into a parody of his first performance. 2 and 3 were a complete waste of time, aside from the Kraken, who got killed off prematurely..
@ZEEECHET Ok, so aside from depp, 2 and 3 were a waste of time, right?
I don't know what to think of this Johnny Depp obsession. I mena the 2nd movie made a billion dollars! There could be a 3 hour movie with starring only Johnny Depp making faces at the camera and it would make a billion because will see him regardless.
He's right about what he says about 2&3 because I have 2 on DVD and I can't bring myself to watch it again... Ever. Pirates 4 is coming soon! So that will be... 189 minutes more than the third one :P
these are the best 3 movies ever made. what is this guys problem?
the plots are amazing the way they tie in with eachother. the only reason i can think of why someone wouldnt like this movie is that they do not even understand it.
Yeah, it's impossible to have a different opinion than yours. The only way anyone could ever have a different opinion is because they just don't understand, dude.
@Lilja124 i didnt say it was impossible for someone to have a different opinion, i just cant see how anyone doesnt like these movies. it has a good plot despite what this guy thinks. even if you dont like the plot it is still entertaining. it has humor and awesome special effects
Because not everyone thinks that the plot is good, or that effect driven movies are anything to write home about. Some people think it's shit. It's what happens when you have an oppinion - there's always someone who disagrees, and the sane thing to do is to see it from the other person's point of view even though you don't agree with it. Sheesh....
@ilLcoKocTioN I actually liked the first one and thought the second one was okay, but At World's End is the most incomprehensible, boring, overlong, pointless, and dullest movie I've ever seen.
@MrManbearjew Its called being educated and thinking beyond your boundaries. Being able to question and rip apart any script and seeing if it can withstand it.
ok so this man is a credited film critic and (in my point of view right about this movie and how bad it was), is being told he is wrong by who? random people on youtube who have no film experience at all. "oh the first one had a great pace and was a good story" how the fuck would you know? really, in terms of accuracy i think we should listen to him and not stupid fans of the series who are blinded by their strange love attraction to Orlando and Depp.
...like watching two chairs mating...hahahaha. Couldn't agree more. Knightly and Orloondo Bland are terrible, boring, shallow, pointless actors. He's right, they are actually getting worse with each movie.
Of course, the only real pirate in the whole movie is Barbossa who didn't rate a mention in this spray, only because Rush owns every movie he's in.
I loved the first movie with a deep passion, one of the best movies of the decade in my opinion. Great effects (for the time), great plot, great characters, just epic!
The second one was kinda dumb and HUGELY overrated. It just annoyed me that there was more of a reliance on effects than having the heart and wit of the first film.
And the third was terrible for the sheer fact that everything bad about the second film was worsened a hundred-fold. Such is cinema
rant is funny, but i disagree with most of it. i love jack sparrow's keith richards. and so do alot of other people. and the opening was badass. just cuz its disney doesent mean it has to be campy, soooo fuck u
"I am so right" my ass the movies are great jhony depp is hilarious playing like half drunk :D hes awesom and i hope that the keep the movies coming not cuz of Mark Kermode don't like jhony depp or some of the other actors doesn't men thet the movie is bat the movie is awesome and realy funny
this guy has to lighten up a bit and realise that theese films arent aimed at people who enjoy films like zodiac. they are made for kids so he has to keep an open mind to that. he is right about the whole hanging scene but, that was not needed
Pirates 2 and 3 never needed to exist. They're convoluted unnecessary cash grabs that are both about an hour too long, plain and simple. The NEXT fucking film... dear god... will probably be just as bad.
The first Pirates was great however. Depp was at his best in the film, granted Knightly and Bloom/ Bland were still complete bores, and Geoffrey Rush was a great villain. Most importantlym the plot actually made sense.
I didnt enjoy this movie but I cant stand Kermode. His holesmug these films suck and annyone who likes them is wrong attitude is about is about 50 times more annoying than whatever film he reviews
I didnt enjoy this movie but I cant stand Kermode. His holesmug these films suck and annyone who likes them is wrong attitude is about is about 50 times more annoying than whatever film he reviews
I so agree with pretty much everything he has said here. First one I honestly enjoyed as fun but beyond that I struggled to enjoy much more and just wanted it to finish - shame because they could have closed the whole thing effectively at the end of the first but NO they had to go make MONEY MONEY MONEY on this franchise and make what's ever so popular - 'the EPIC trilogy' with huge SFX, stars in lead roles and over the top, convoluted plotlines.
hes a overly crictal cunt ..fair enough do your job but nothing pleases him and hes got a name from dowing talkin actors fuckin greasy posh cunt ..who after listinin to him would love to chin this wanker ?
The first was was almost perfect as a kind of salty, androgynous Indiana Jones. It was its own story, though. It had a beginning, a middle, and an end. There was nowhere left to go, but nope. Studio execs had to shit all over it with the other two.
@DulBeat well put,liked the first one...but that was it. The second one is bad, the third one is desperate. And now there making a FOURTH ONE!!!! Anything for a quick buck.
ANYONE who likes the 2nd and 3rd movies really cannot possibly have good taste in that area. that is not an opinion, that its fact!!! the doc speaks gospel and one of the best rants ever!! the only reason i went to see it was because of my little sister and even she was bored by it! johnny depp has not done a good film in at least ten years. remeber donnie brasco? blow anyone? what the hell is happenin to him? he has become disneys bum boy that wat!!
Dunno what he's on about. The first movie was bilge?? I can give him the second and thrid one being not so good. But the first one is definitely very good.
what the fuck is this guy smoking the first was the best,the reason nothing really happened in the second one is because its a movie and its not real and its not really as family friendly as you think it is so suck it up
also it doesnt matter how long it is it has the best cast and a great story so go suck a ball hair
god this is even better than his transformers 3 review. he just keeps destroying everybody involved hahaha
MrBurgundy76 2 weeks ago
i enjoyed the first two, this might be the worst movie ive ever seen. WAIT no, the 4th one is.
MrBurgundy76 2 weeks ago
I feel so exhausted from listening to this guy...
Albusowner 1 month ago
I agree. The films are so boring and extraordinarily confusing - it's almost as if they are just adding in giant women and elaborate characters, insane stuff and events which are way too fast and in your face. It's so grandiose and the 'plot' is padded out and devalued. Is there even a plot?
It goes on. And on. And on. Never again can I sit down and watch that film without vomiting at least twice.
jackheaney 2 months ago
fuck you
sanderflop 2 months ago
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fuck you
sanderflop 2 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
fuck you
sanderflop 2 months ago
fuck you
sanderflop 2 months ago
But Mark really hates Cannes,.
TheMimifur 3 months ago
I dont think he's being too nice about Orlando Bloom
comanchio1976 3 months ago
I love that man
brucey2407 4 months ago
weeeeel, arnt we a wee asshole todaiy
JokerCommisions 4 months ago
..i loved the movie,....x'D
ShiroKisa 4 months ago
Hold the Mayo...I dont need it.
Mintsauce27 4 months ago
Positively teaky
bechamimi 6 months ago
LOL 'watching someone mince around like he is a milk tray advert' kermode is a ledgend.
jallalabadreturns 6 months ago
kermode...you are so so so right...anyone who thinks these 3 films are anything but bilge has obviously had a full frontal lobotomy...but hey , my six year old daughter likes them , which is about the mental age you have to be to fully enjoy these movies
denizen1234 6 months ago
Such a TERRIBLE movie!
whywehateshow 7 months ago
haha, good rant
O11Y 7 months ago
the good news is....im entitled to MY opinions and dont have to care one bit what this guy thinks. Critics in MY opinion have the dumbest jobs in the world.....if people want to know if something is good or bad, they should just try it and judge for themselves...the fact that people get paid to say something sucks 90 % of the time is sad....the first one is classic, the 2nd and 3rd are great in their own right, and i just watched the 4th which i also thoroughly enjoyed....mark THAT kermoron
nettyworks 7 months ago
@nettyworks,
As Harlan Ellison would put it, you're entitled to your INFORMED opinion.
OxTheWriter 6 months ago 2
haha if he thinks it is so bad then why did he sit through it?
123qwe82 7 months ago
@123qwe82 Because that's his job.
LollywoodLoganator 7 months ago
@LollywoodLoganator well it must be an annoying job
123qwe82 7 months ago
what the hell is owlundo blam
Clockwork097 7 months ago
In all fairness to Kermode, I've yet to hear anyone express a genuinely positive view of either sequel. Do you remember (back in the 1970's/80's) when you might watch an entertaining film that made a real impression? You might have thought that it would be nice to see the characters or story continue, but realise that it's better to leave them as a once-off.....well all they're making today are sequels, re-launches or re-makes. There are almost no interesting film experiences anymore.
DaveM599 7 months ago
All this is coming from one critic who, most likely, has watched shows like Upstairs, Downstairs since he was a little kid and thought that shows like that is and always will be the shit. It's just so typical that critics like him, who are from they're early fifty's to god-only-knows-how-old watch these kinds of films just to give them a bad review and label them as "only idiots and mental patients could sit there and watch through this whole atrocity without vomiting".
edwcxxl 7 months ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
FAKE AND GAY
kubrickstan1996 8 months ago
Even though the second two were bad in terms of story I can't agree with this guy because of his obscure opinions.
Antibearvirus 8 months ago
Comment removed
gojira4life 8 months ago
This dude obviously doesn't realize that the Pirates movies are not a world changing documentary or an oscar winning phenomenal film. They are meant to be a lot of fun fluff, which they are if you can take it for what they are. That being said, the 3rd was the worst one and the 4th was alright, just confusing. My favorite part of this video is when the other guy just gets so sick of the rant and doesn't pay attention and walks off :)
panandtinkforever 8 months ago
@panandtinkforever I get what your saying but you just missed Mark's whole point of the review. He hated it because it WASN'T a fun movie. In the beginning he said the movie need to lighten up. And movies that are "fun fluff" do not need to be three hours long.
MatthewLedZepfan 8 months ago
that guy is an idiot
"Nothing happened, I mean a bunch of stuff happened, but nothing actually happened"
First of all way to contradict yourself.
Second of all you're telling me that the main character dying at the end of the second one somethin "that happened"
Thesinistermangoz 8 months ago
@Thesinistermangoz
No you're the idiot. Marks point with Pirates 2 and 3, is that scriptwriters threw in a lot of plotlines that did little to actually move the story forward. So yes a lot of stuff "happens", but none of that stuff acutally contributes anything useful, and worst of all, only makes the films longer and more confusing. Also Jack dying at the end of the 2nd film was a just a gimmicky excuse for the third movie to exist.
Superfreaxx 1 day ago
Just seen the fourth, it is bilge. Not quite sure what it was about and there was no 3D
jackrandall 8 months ago
I agree with him with nearly everything. But I think Jonny Depp is pretty good
charliesacoolkid 8 months ago
@iReturnVide0tapes He's already reviewed it.
spackhollogay 8 months ago
You are so right.
invanorm 8 months ago
This guys a moron for thinking the fact that it's not family-friendly is somehow a fault.
He needs to see the movie as what it is, not as what he expects it to be.
VictimOfBoredom 8 months ago
first was amazing...but second 2 were terrible. Bloom was shite and knightly was just there..pointless actors who wer just irratating. The second one was just annoying to mwatch and the third was just happening and didnt reallt grasp anything. Was so pish
gspotkentzoom 8 months ago
The first movie was AWESOME, not sure wtf these old fucks are on about.
WiseWeeabo 8 months ago
I caught a sneak peek of the new Pirates movie, it's awful. Mark will have a field day with it.
Sash5034 8 months ago
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Ertmantis 8 months ago
I stopped watching this review when all my credibility for him went out the door...."a bunch of stuff happened, but nothing happened"
im not even a huge pirates fan, so it's not me defending pirates. it's just me not going to listen to a moron who just has some vendetta against this franchise. he would probably hate the new one even if it's the best movie ever made. not saying it will be though. I just hate people who have pre-determined opinions on films, it's annoying.
finaldestination91 8 months ago
Cant wait for his review of the new one , heard its crap !!!!
trickykid73 8 months ago
I hate this guy, sparrow is briliant
verduyntjee 8 months ago
It was worth that pile of shit getting three releases totalling eight hours just to listen to Mark's rant on it, heh heh. Far better than the films.
Gonzoidzz 8 months ago
Pirates of the Cock 3..absolute shit.
MarkSkidMcCormick 8 months ago
@MarkSkidMcCormick
Also known as Pirates of the Caribukake 3. Good film.
TheConciseStatement 8 months ago
@TheConciseStatement , It's awful mate, seriously how can you like it????
MarkSkidMcCormick 8 months ago
@MarkSkidMcCormick
I was just joking about your porn film. Pirates 2 and 3 ARE shit. Kermode;s wrong about the first one though. Nothing much wrong with Black Pearl bar being a tad overrated.
TheConciseStatement 8 months ago
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This guys are the two biggest assholes on the planet!
TerrellATL 9 months ago
If the Good Doctor married Mr Bland, the first day of their marriage would't go terribly well because Kermode would find anything sharp to end the actor's life. Would this be Dr Kermode's greatest acheivement, or would it be his downfall if the elf won?
filmotel 9 months ago
I thought Orloondo Bland and Keira Knightley were the same person
ehmazin 9 months ago
@blackbandannafilms How do you know how much he is paid? Regardless, supply and demand..
qwertyuiopdan1 9 months ago
is that a nest of tables ?
90mv 10 months ago
mark kermode you are right AWE was awful!!
COTB was great however!!
gillri 10 months ago
I cannot grasp his utter disdain for Depp's performance. Even if he didn't find it funny, it wasn't THAT bad. He also sounds rather childish when he attributes the success of the franchise to the population's stupidity (and this is coming from someone who essentially agrees with what he is trying to say about the film.)
surprisedbyjoy1804 11 months ago
The first one wasn't bilge. It was good. The last two blew chunks.
CountryRoadTrip 11 months ago 6
I liked the first one because it was fun and I didn't hate Johnny Depp then, the second one was enjoyable solely for Bill Nighy as Davy Jones and the third lost its appeal. Number 4 looks dire...
TaskMaster619 11 months ago
Absolutely love this. He's not managed a rant quite this good since, though Sex And The City 2 came close.
DominicJones 11 months ago
he's so wrong Johnny Depps briliant as Jack Sparrow
ZEEECHET 11 months ago
@ZEEECHET
No. He was great in the first movie because the writers spent time giving him an enthralling backstory. He is so annoying and distracting in the 2nd and 3rd, that he's turned into a parody of his first performance. 2 and 3 were a complete waste of time, aside from the Kraken, who got killed off prematurely..
RyanStileswliia 11 months ago
@RyanStileswliia I still disagree. However bad the 2nd and 3rd films were Jack Sparrow is still funny
ZEEECHET 11 months ago
@ZEEECHET Ok, so aside from depp, 2 and 3 were a waste of time, right?
I don't know what to think of this Johnny Depp obsession. I mena the 2nd movie made a billion dollars! There could be a 3 hour movie with starring only Johnny Depp making faces at the camera and it would make a billion because will see him regardless.
RyanStileswliia 11 months ago
Kermode's in Merkmode
tomsega 1 year ago
He's right about what he says about 2&3 because I have 2 on DVD and I can't bring myself to watch it again... Ever. Pirates 4 is coming soon! So that will be... 189 minutes more than the third one :P
Ellimation360 1 year ago
Kermode = Annoying to the power of 10
reeldealmw 1 year ago
I absolutly love the Pirates of the Carribean movies. Can't wait for the new one coming out in may.
Krissy0261 1 year ago
90 people had to stand on their heads and spin around 38 times
ihazachi 1 year ago
screw you basterds those movies are awsome of course todays people dont have any taste
WORMIE4456W 1 year ago
1ST ONE GOOD THE REST CRAP. GET IN KERMODE!
ASAMOAH24 1 year ago
these are the best 3 movies ever made. what is this guys problem?
the plots are amazing the way they tie in with eachother. the only reason i can think of why someone wouldnt like this movie is that they do not even understand it.
will4eagles10 1 year ago
@will4eagles10
Yeah, it's impossible to have a different opinion than yours. The only way anyone could ever have a different opinion is because they just don't understand, dude.
Suuure....
Lilja124 1 year ago
@Lilja124 i didnt say it was impossible for someone to have a different opinion, i just cant see how anyone doesnt like these movies. it has a good plot despite what this guy thinks. even if you dont like the plot it is still entertaining. it has humor and awesome special effects
will4eagles10 1 year ago
@will4eagles10
Because not everyone thinks that the plot is good, or that effect driven movies are anything to write home about. Some people think it's shit. It's what happens when you have an oppinion - there's always someone who disagrees, and the sane thing to do is to see it from the other person's point of view even though you don't agree with it. Sheesh....
Lilja124 1 year ago
I like the rest of this guys reviews except for this one, POTC is awesome, but he did make me laugh a lot while I was listening to this.
pokexplosion21 1 year ago
Great special effects, crap movie.
InfiniteWhizBang 1 year ago
he clearly has no lack of orginality sigh i pity those men
worldofpaul12 1 year ago
lol i loved the part where the interviewer just leaves and starts ignoring me those were the only scenes that was good in this bullshit review
worldofpaul12 1 year ago
yar yar hello harharharhar
imgonnafuckuup1 1 year ago
ORLOONDO BLAND
fluffymczips 1 year ago
a joint lobotomy hahaha
fluffymczips 1 year ago
"It's gonna be an absolute screamer."
INDEED.
hothotheat3000 1 year ago
seeing this adds so much to mayo's role
Boratlon 1 year ago
0:01
iglofiscj 1 year ago
I love how he repeatedly butchers Orlando Bloom's name.
opmike343 1 year ago
wht the fuck is this guy talking about the pireates trilogy was among the best series ever
ilLcoKocTioN 1 year ago
@ilLcoKocTioN I actually liked the first one and thought the second one was okay, but At World's End is the most incomprehensible, boring, overlong, pointless, and dullest movie I've ever seen.
MatthewLedZepfan 1 year ago
LOL @ 5:45
iwantcoolname 1 year ago
ahaha mayos expression at 2:30
FiveDigitDisco 1 year ago
Simon Mayo the silent comedian. God bless him.
Filmzie 1 year ago 21
This comment has received too many negative votes show
what a fucktard...
TB674 1 year ago
fucktard? fail
masterofgnargnar 1 year ago
Ah, and there was me thinking i was the only person who thought POTC was a load of old tosh. Thanks Mark, brilliant rant!
tbrasc0 1 year ago
Could listen to mark's rants all day! Love it. Makes a change from the usual arse-kissing reviews.
I can never distinguish between the 3 films.
creamskunk 1 year ago
Kiera Knightly: King of the Pirates
TheHuntress144 1 year ago
Soo.... you think we should tell him that there are plans for a fourth Pirates of the Caribbean movie? :)
mrpossibilities 1 year ago
@mrpossibilities Only if there is a cardiac unit on standby.
keelar001 1 year ago
Simon at 5:44 LOL!!
NPA1001 1 year ago
wow. ie never really seen someone get pissed at a movie like that. some needs a hobby
MrManbearjew 1 year ago
@MrManbearjew
It's his job.
Lilja124 1 year ago
@MrManbearjew Its called being educated and thinking beyond your boundaries. Being able to question and rip apart any script and seeing if it can withstand it.
slutbunwallah 1 year ago
POTC: terrible movies, awful!
Gonzoidz 1 year ago
ok so this man is a credited film critic and (in my point of view right about this movie and how bad it was), is being told he is wrong by who? random people on youtube who have no film experience at all. "oh the first one had a great pace and was a good story" how the fuck would you know? really, in terms of accuracy i think we should listen to him and not stupid fans of the series who are blinded by their strange love attraction to Orlando and Depp.
ronisgod23 1 year ago
orloondo bland lol
Casarzino 1 year ago
lmao orloonda bland
ThePokeyPictures 1 year ago
Orloondo Bland ruined Kingdom of Heaven
trickykid73 1 year ago
Bloom is a truly awful actor. I dont mind the movies but Bloom and Knightley are just terrible
TheHappydead 1 year ago
hahahah he talks so fast
tak0242424 1 year ago
...like watching two chairs mating...hahahaha. Couldn't agree more. Knightly and Orloondo Bland are terrible, boring, shallow, pointless actors. He's right, they are actually getting worse with each movie.
Of course, the only real pirate in the whole movie is Barbossa who didn't rate a mention in this spray, only because Rush owns every movie he's in.
gluebum13 1 year ago 31
'The collapse of western civilisation'
Come on now, I find his rants funny but he takes it a bit far sometimes.
BigBoss7777777 1 year ago
@BigBoss7777777 Further than the portentions of Ian Beale?
dowling1981 1 year ago
I both agree and disagree with him.
I loved the first movie with a deep passion, one of the best movies of the decade in my opinion. Great effects (for the time), great plot, great characters, just epic!
The second one was kinda dumb and HUGELY overrated. It just annoyed me that there was more of a reliance on effects than having the heart and wit of the first film.
And the third was terrible for the sheer fact that everything bad about the second film was worsened a hundred-fold. Such is cinema
ElvenWarrior891 1 year ago
rant is funny, but i disagree with most of it. i love jack sparrow's keith richards. and so do alot of other people. and the opening was badass. just cuz its disney doesent mean it has to be campy, soooo fuck u
hotrod2c 1 year ago
"I am so right" my ass the movies are great jhony depp is hilarious playing like half drunk :D hes awesom and i hope that the keep the movies coming not cuz of Mark Kermode don't like jhony depp or some of the other actors doesn't men thet the movie is bat the movie is awesome and realy funny
santimetur2 1 year ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
Terrible review, not a fan of the film but really, just awfully bad reviewing, especially considering this is the third installment of a trilogy.
eravulgachris 1 year ago
this guy has to lighten up a bit and realise that theese films arent aimed at people who enjoy films like zodiac. they are made for kids so he has to keep an open mind to that. he is right about the whole hanging scene but, that was not needed
monkeyman9119 1 year ago
Mayo is just fantastic during this! So funny!
Jordee73 1 year ago 3
So Pirates 4 is going to be 180 minutes?
Horoist 1 year ago
Oh my God, I love this guy!!! Is there a collection of his reviews in book form? Gotta check!!!
tairanotomomori 1 year ago
Pirates 2 and 3 never needed to exist. They're convoluted unnecessary cash grabs that are both about an hour too long, plain and simple. The NEXT fucking film... dear god... will probably be just as bad.
The first Pirates was great however. Depp was at his best in the film, granted Knightly and Bloom/ Bland were still complete bores, and Geoffrey Rush was a great villain. Most importantlym the plot actually made sense.
mk741 1 year ago 2
The guy's so verbose - much more irritating than any of the films.
goldsak 1 year ago
@goldsak Nothing wrong with being verbose. Only irritating/threatening if you're an uneducated troglodyte.
RogueRotting360 1 year ago
@RogueRotting360
Rubbish.
goldsak 1 year ago
@goldsak Wow, what a counterargument!
RogueRotting360 1 year ago
@RogueRotting360
It'a called a disagreement. If you feel verbosity can never be annoying unless... yeah well. More power to you, then. :p
goldsak 1 year ago
@goldsak My point is that in the grand scheme of verbosity... Mark Kermode's case is relatively benign. There are worse cases out there.
RogueRotting360 1 year ago
Two chairs mating.
Tendu 1 year ago
Orloondo Bland! Accidental brilliance?
Scratkiller1 1 year ago 13
HAHHHAAH Classic!!! Orlando Bland!
MariettaMangler 1 year ago
Hath Ian Beale been portained?
dowling1981 1 year ago
"in the second one nothing happened, well alot happened but just a bunch of stuff happened" wtf!!???
lweezy2040 1 year ago
Lolololol at "Orloondo Bland".
DontTouchMyVicodin 1 year ago 3
Has this guy ever done a positive review?
BigBoss7777777 1 year ago
I thought Pirates of the Caribbean 1 (Curse of the Black Pearl), was really good.
I didn't like the others in the same way, but it's pirates in them so...
DaddaOgg 1 year ago
like it but, dont be disrespecting the stones, kermode.
nath909 1 year ago
the second and third were awesome! ok didn't like the 3rd ending. but he's an IDIOT!
DoYouFearDeath333 1 year ago
Orlundo Bland :)
gnuochtapir 1 year ago 3
this man has become my hero after reading his book
Howler15 1 year ago
I didnt enjoy this movie but I cant stand Kermode. His holesmug these films suck and annyone who likes them is wrong attitude is about is about 50 times more annoying than whatever film he reviews
Thattowersguy1 1 year ago
@Thattowersguy1 You may like them but if you think they are good then you are wrong. Thats true.
sparkyinbath 1 year ago
I didnt enjoy this movie but I cant stand Kermode. His holesmug these films suck and annyone who likes them is wrong attitude is about is about 50 times more annoying than whatever film he reviews
Thattowersguy1 1 year ago
why does he keep calling him orlindo bland, i did like this film, it was a good film but it wasnt the best in the world.
MegaEmpire2010 1 year ago
potc ...just another hollywood crap for dumb asses ... shit on jdepp , obloom and the rest of overpaid clowns
ytertyu 1 year ago
I so agree with pretty much everything he has said here. First one I honestly enjoyed as fun but beyond that I struggled to enjoy much more and just wanted it to finish - shame because they could have closed the whole thing effectively at the end of the first but NO they had to go make MONEY MONEY MONEY on this franchise and make what's ever so popular - 'the EPIC trilogy' with huge SFX, stars in lead roles and over the top, convoluted plotlines.
Moollii 1 year ago
im sorry, but all of this was complete bollocks! hahaha
sometimes he does make sense and i like him, but hes talking crap...jack sparrow is one of the best characters ever! haha
so yeah, stop being an over critical, stuck up, pompous moron and do your job properly and say that good films are good and bad films are bad.
hanigan696969 1 year ago
Kermode is a legend - one of todays rare celebrities who goes about his career with consistent grace and intelligence. Respect Dr K, respect.
bassben04 1 year ago
@bassben04 I don't think he would be very happy with being called a celebrity.
firekind1980 1 year ago
At Worlds's end, an apt title
fitzy098 1 year ago
lol immediatly annoying to the power of 10, so well put kermode
jrh767 1 year ago
hes a overly crictal cunt ..fair enough do your job but nothing pleases him and hes got a name from dowing talkin actors fuckin greasy posh cunt ..who after listinin to him would love to chin this wanker ?
darlinchav 1 year ago
@darlinchav he liked kick ass....
purplecat1989 1 year ago
@purplecat1989 maybed he did kid ..but you have to admit he does it to get a name he's a bender who i smash in the mush if i ever see him out
darlinchav 1 year ago
Excellent!
Criminology2009 1 year ago
The first was was almost perfect as a kind of salty, androgynous Indiana Jones. It was its own story, though. It had a beginning, a middle, and an end. There was nowhere left to go, but nope. Studio execs had to shit all over it with the other two.
DulBeat 1 year ago
@DulBeat well put,liked the first one...but that was it. The second one is bad, the third one is desperate. And now there making a FOURTH ONE!!!! Anything for a quick buck.
clonard 1 year ago
Loved the first film , second pretty dull and the last one was absolutely unwatchable. This review was more fun than the last two movies put together
algildea 1 year ago
What a terible series, Kermode nails it again.
probunk 1 year ago
It was crap.
twobitsworth 1 year ago
all 3 movies are EPIC
so STFU
crazyboy26k 1 year ago
Greatest rant ever.
wolfpack2013 1 year ago 56
@wolfpack2013 lol a wolfpack fan. HOW BOUT THEM ECU PIRATES!!!
will4eagles10 1 year ago
@will4eagles10 That's unfortunate.
wolfpack2013 1 year ago
This guy need to get laid.
dochsierra 1 year ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
this guy needs to pull his head out of his arse
laurajoybubbles 1 year ago
5:43 LOL!
Haqster 1 year ago
ANYONE who likes the 2nd and 3rd movies really cannot possibly have good taste in that area. that is not an opinion, that its fact!!! the doc speaks gospel and one of the best rants ever!! the only reason i went to see it was because of my little sister and even she was bored by it! johnny depp has not done a good film in at least ten years. remeber donnie brasco? blow anyone? what the hell is happenin to him? he has become disneys bum boy that wat!!
purplecat1989 1 year ago
Sweeney Todd's pretty good...
Litshttam 1 year ago
You're stupid. That's an opinion. You don't understand what an opinion is. That's a fact.
minitzonthesun 1 year ago 2
Dunno what he's on about. The first movie was bilge?? I can give him the second and thrid one being not so good. But the first one is definitely very good.
Vicster200 1 year ago
Agreed. Johnny Depp is the least problematic thing in all three movies. Nobody caring about Orloomdo Bland is.
MalachorWraith 1 year ago
what the fuck is this guy smoking the first was the best,the reason nothing really happened in the second one is because its a movie and its not real and its not really as family friendly as you think it is so suck it up
also it doesnt matter how long it is it has the best cast and a great story so go suck a ball hair
thedipstick33 1 year ago
haha I love POTC but I cried laughing at this, Kermode is a right one!
what is that, is it a nest of tables? No it's Orlando Bloom and keira knightley in a red hot passionate scene.........
AnOpheliaComplex 1 year ago 3
This comment has received too many negative votes show
i like all three movies fuckface
venompool4 1 year ago
best review ever.. pirate movies are far too overrated and deserve a review of this type
alilondonmet 1 year ago 3
This comment has received too many negative votes show
who cares about these stupid critics
one of the most entertaining movies i have ever scene
koookan 1 year ago
Simon's loving it.
wonderfulwomp 1 year ago
"Nest of tables"
Classic
pooh1234567890 1 year ago 2
What the fuck are you saying it is the greatest movie ever
girqwertyuiop 1 year ago