Brooke Alvarez Explains Why There Are So Many People In Prison

[Yepimdatguy]

Lol, she turned green.

[hodor]

For half a second, Lex Luther !!!! ?????

Brooke would b!tch slap Lex. But then she is also a reporter, without glass... I am so confused.

[inrrivas]

Brooke is Chuck Norris' wife

[4todayvd]

wow this is actually all true

[Mjhavok]

Your criminal soliders will not be able to withstand my army of crows.

[beloon1970]

What will brooke call her army?

[ladawg81]

@photoshopluvr13 Lol.

[TheSolitaryTraveller]

sad thing is that made sense.

[aSASa45454]

@TheSolitaryTraveller thats because ts true..

[mrcoryv]

anyone wondering who she thought was making the prisoner army?

[photoshopluvr13]

I know this is half a joke, but I completely agree with her.

[mjswans]

Maybe we can throw more of the 'endless' taxdollars (free-money!) at the problem.... or- Grow a spine and re-build an effective deterrence against crime.

[grisflyt]

@mjswans "Deterrence against crime"? How old are you?

How exactly would you do that? Put armed guards inside every McDonald's? Booby trap every house and car so when someone tries to break in it will explode and kill the criminal?

[shiningturtle]

lol how come she went green when the banner showed up?

[treverbettis]

her stands for lucifer by the way

[ladawg81]

i thought the power hungry person she was talking about was Obama. but then she said "she"

[photoshopluvr13]

@ladawg81 OMG me too! lmfao!

[sigma682]

i find it highly unlikely brooke would allow the world to see her in such unsightly drab attire...clearly this is an impostor

[jchabonbon]

0:40 color change!!!!

[0101010101010101ful]

hum...i going to prision to join that cool army

[dharmaatdawn]

hahahahahaha somebody is conspiracy theorist

[Moneymanbreezy]

This one sucked. Sorry

[kazyBarbarian]

was that a satire? The Onion dont do satires!!!!

[davitodude]

Think about it. If passing a drivers test wasn't so easy would there be as many people on the roads to ticket? Our government has been turned into a business. If you're an insider you can lobby for bills that will make you money.

[Brygelsmack]

WHY IS SHE TURNING GREEN?

[rutgersemp01]

Why did she turn green when the bar came up at 0:43

[Jimbogf]

she has a long neck

[1990slingshot]

you know why? BECAUSE THEY WANA GET JACKD

[Lennybrucelee13]

TWEEKERS SUCK!!!!!!

[docphilips]

@ontarianitch @simaaiwen & @ScDrPain Its time to start speaking truth instead of spouting out stupid, non funny material that is pointless. The commercialization of our gov't is the worst problem america has. Second, dont talk. if you have not experienced your body being commercialized for being a political prisoner you would never understand the anger. plus, why are you laughing, you didnt say anything remotely funny. Third, thats your rebuttal? Why dont you reply with something intelligent.

[BgMsDangerus]

@docphilips "Intelligent" on The Onion. You can't be serious. You obviously DO NOT get the joke.

[GetSum951]

Brooke Alvarez? Was she cute, like 20 years ago or something?

This is The Onion ... isn't she suppose to be funny?

[iannetta11]

PAUL/ALVAREZ 2012 !!!

[1TopGunPaintballer]

@iannetta11 Rick/Santorum

[HamMedBukserne]

I actually thought this was a pretty serious answer... in the beginning xD

[simaaiwen]

Why are people on this thing discussing this video so seriously (albeit somewhat incoherently)? Perhaps it is because the people who keep making those serious angry comments are not actually in prison or have been released from prison and are just jealous and disappointed that they cannot be part of Brook's criminal army. If that is your problem just commit a felony and go back to prison. Then you too can be part of Brook's army! Ha ha ha ha, woo hoo!

[WinstonSmith6079]

Heh, not so funny, and kinda dumb. But at least she's hot! hehehehe Gee, I sure would like to have sex with her hehehehe

[DrQuailMan]

SUDDENLY ... green

[docphilips]

you dont have a clue!!!

[docphilips]

dumb cunt, that is the stupidest explanation i have ever heard. from first hand experience, its because prisons are multi billion dollar corporation operations. they sell prisoner bonds off the value of a poor prisoner's body (collateral/chattel) to walmart to build another walmart around the corner killing all the mom and pops within site. as well as put prisoners in position to have to buy commissary and electronics from contract bids and get kickbacks from the same corporations. dont talk!!!

[ScDrPain]

@docphilips trolololo

[ontarianitch]

@docphilips you know this is a mock channel right? oh, maybe you don't.

[WKaliberr]

mmmm sexy white bitch

[examinationboard]

i'm sick of Brooke Alvarez. That isn't funny

[ezelouie]

long neck joke

[VasjaStankovic]

Kinda reminds me of Suzanne Sena, although a bit more fuckable.

[ThisIsNotPictureTube]

we would have the cutest world leader ever

[ljb265]

change youtube back

[mzrealm]

@ljb265 Nobody here cares, go post that comment somewhere that matters.

[NOLAMarathon2010]

Poorly written, but very-well executed by the fetching Ms. Alvarez.

[berserkisbest]

My least favorite onion segment at present

[rolin600]

In the old days when crime was low we had paddlin' not ritalin..

[rolin600]

Govt.social programs to guide the youth..now that is comedy..hahahahahaha

[Bbfishman]

i want to fuck her silly

[FabuVinny]

Now I'm scared.

[theapollomoonlanding]

Increase the death penalty

[gininigin]

I just hope that the second one is true. Cause I would love to be Brooke's beach.

[scootosan]

note to waredrobe: shirt size not 2x larger but 2x smaller....

[Diaznator]

I woul still B. Alvaresz

[SageofCancer]

Damn Brooke, you scary.

[joeslambo]

funny shit

[colddrake80]

The lighting and makeup for this particular video made Brooke Alvarez look pretty bad.

[aprilialover125]

wow. milf

[farfanugan02]

at 0:43 she turns into a green milf...nice!

[nightpwner]

What the hell are you people talking about "she turned green?" I've watched this 3 times and she's still pale to me.

[adolphbot]

@nightpwner At around 0:42 the picture gets this green hue

[MrVulgaris]

OMG she turned green! That means William Shatner is going to try to screw her!

[asianfoskco]

milf.

[HarrySach]

I wanna see whats under that t-shirt.

[seraphilight]

O_O How did she find out my plans for world domination???!!!

[Shaunt1]

There are so many people in jail because the real criminals put them there.

[MAYof90]

This made me chuckle.

[SeaNanners4Life]

I used to date Brooke Alvarez, then I took an arrow in the knee.

[00GreyEyedGirl00]

It's called a green screen people

[CassesVultus]

The reason there are so many people in prison is because the guards won't let them leave.

[m1c000l]

@CassesVultus no the reason there are so many people in prison is because chuck norris won't let them leave

[THEHUNK8]

Why is there so many people in prison?

- Because the stupid government screws the fcku out of the population and leave them with no other alternative but to commit crimes. !!

[xWxHxIxTxExYx]

she is so hot

[evildoctorbluetooth]

and thats how Sue Cs it.

[kiddhitta]

It's them god damn naggers and Mexicans that are fuckin erthin

[Gordonsbritish]

@kiddhitta LOL

[veggiemuncher86]

@kiddhitta what are you talking about?

[MrLukasWilson]

im way too high for this shit i need a funnier onion video

[susietheburnout]

I goddamn love Brooke Alvarez.

[kramcas2]

Brooke Alvarez is a reptilian shape-shifter.

[zazenzach]

@kramcas2

id still hit it with the fury of a thousand suns

[Refreshernoob]

@kramcas2 loooooooooooooooooooooool

[Wutwut1n1]

@kramcas2 It's true, just watch how green she turns @ 0:41

[TheDaas36]

She turned green...

[CloudchaserShaconag]

I know this is meant to be funny, but she actually does have an excellent point about social programs and rehabbing previous offenders

[klutterkicker]

Ah, so it's Hillary Clinton's fault then.

[HahaHannyy]

Seriously, that necklace. It's killing me. 

[StatelessEuphoria]

Social programs...yeah that worked great in england!

*facepalm*

[AmericanNohbuddy]

@StatelessEuphoria

What is the prison rate in England?

[StatelessEuphoria]

@AmericanNohbuddy

The reason for America's prison rate is primarily because of drugs and the comparitavely harsher punishments. Additionally, england is *far* more white than America. For whatever reason,blacks commit more crimes than whites, so when you control for race, the incarceration rate difference shrinks markedly between America and England.

But seriously, look at the london riots and tell me how people raised on welfare don't commit more crimes...oh wait.

[AmericanNohbuddy]

@StatelessEuphoria

Exactly. Plus no one cares to help criminals.

They weren't raised on welfare.

I honestly don't understand all these Australian people caring so much about other country's domestic issues. Worry about your own country.

[StatelessEuphoria]

@AmericanNohbuddy

"Exactly. Plus no one cares to help criminals."

are you saying england 'helps' criminals ,more than america?

"They weren't raised on welfare."

Uh sure they were, ever hear of ghettos before?

"Worry about your own country."

I can't refute what you're saying so shut up because you're Australian. lol.

[AmericanNohbuddy]

@StatelessEuphoria

Where did I say england did? But obviously they do something right since their prison population isn't as bad as the US.

The London riots were not about welfare.

But yes, worry about your own country. You don't see americans going on videos talking about Australian domestic policy.

[dorianleakey]

@StatelessEuphoria Just to be clear, some were raised on welfare some were not, the surprise was how many people from "nice" backgrounds got involved. We do not have what could truly be called ghetto's over here as we are so fuckin liberal and nice to our poor people.

[SherwinGooch]

If the govt doesn't like the people, why doesn't it just elect a new people?

[QuiteRiQuite]

Wonderful, but wait a minute Onion. You can't tell truths!

[bran147012]

Brooke Alvarez for president?

[LakASambooodee]

Because the US can afford it...wait, they can't.

[Kiwibirdman1701]

The Onion is going downhill...

[hackneo64]

Holy shit guys brook is the evil warden from Deathrace guys!

[Ledwix]

Too much Brooke Alvarez. C'mon..

[Diztraction]

trollolololololol

[wavular]

because putting people in prison makes the system money.

[TheKennyKiller]

It's funny because it's true :/

[FabulousResults]

Anyone notice that she turned green at the end?

[gongus92]

@FabulousResults HAHAHahah hulk alvarez

[Silumis]

@FabulousResults Obviously she's a She-hulk

[TheRekcabOfTheD]

@FabulousResults She must be envious of something.

[Bugside]

@FabulousResults yeah, she's obviously a reptile

[Arre90]

@FabulousResults

did anyone miss it?

[SquareDates]

Lex Lutor?

[wwaalltthheerr]

fail

[chartrule]

1 out of every 10 whites and 4 out of 6 blacks will end up in prison

[KingWyn]

@chartrule That mathematically doesn't make sense...oh wait, YOUR TROLLIN! Almost got me..almost got me...cool story bro.

[chartrule]

@KingWyn

In 2009 black non-Hispanic males were incarcerated at the rate of 4,749 inmates per 100,000 U.S. residents of the same race and gender. White males were incarcerated at the rate of 708 inmates per 100,000 U.S. residents. Hispanic males were incarcerated at the rate of 1,822 inmates per 100,000 U.S. residents

[NobodysOffTheHook]

I LOVE YOU BROOKE! Rofl. But who is building a monstrous army of criminals in her quest for world domination?

[johnobridgeman]

How could this have only 302 views but 507 likes hmmmmm

[philipsidney]

Perhaps the US has a higher percentage of convicts than any other country because it's a criminal country.

[MarkoKraguljac]

Is it about fucked up economy known as anti-economy? Is this as close as we can get to "free markets" in this technological age? And people, please stop blabbering about corruption and government as WHOLE SYSTEM IS SET THIS WAY, IT KNOWS NO BETTER!

[dorianleakey]

@ph157ofch1ck3n I know you do really, but this individual does not, so I thought i would generalise and insult to an entire nation.

[1967SuperG]

America has the highest level of criminals in prison because we have the highest level of stupid criminals.

[smiledammit24]

The US has more prisoners than other countries because in the US criminals actually go to jail. We also refrain from killing every single one of them outright, so that increases the prison population slightly. It is true that most of our inmates are non-violent offenders, but they're usually not in prison for long periods of time when that's the case.

[Steve7508]

Bring back the HOO-die!

[ForceRecon198]

Onion news, stop being so god damn accurate.

[BackInTheCage]

HOLY SHIT SHE TURNED GREEN

[pythag123]

There's a mass without roofs

There's a prison to fill

There's a countrys soul that reads post no bills

There's a strike and a line of cops outside of tha mill

There's a right to obey

And a right to kill.

[Thorax232]

Brooke, will you marry me? The studio said it's ok.

[groam6666]

Most prisoners on the state and federal levels are illegals and pot heads. There's nothing wrong with private prisons. They have just as many flaws as any govt run prison, only different kinds. The idea of rehabilitation is a myth, since most criminals who go to jail are repeat offenders, 90% I believe.

[slisherslash]

@groam6666 In the US maybe, several other countries have far lower relapse ratios.

[dorianleakey]

@groam6666 Ahh, but are they repeat offenders as putting them in prison is surrounding them with other criminals who can share tips, or spend allthe time talking about how great crime is? How can we convince someone crime is wrong? make them spend all day with criminals! that will stop them doing it again.

[rseveran]

@groam6666 Of the "facts" in this statement, most are 100% bullshit, 90% I believe.

[fuzzjunky]

more than one percent of your population!!!. lol at "LAND OF THE FREE"

[shaurz]

She goes green when the green bar appears...

[DaFawky]

she actually said something that wasn't even satirical in nature.

[recaked]

McMath? Really?

[Hindopia]

I find the second explanation more appealing.

[UNCMedical]

Jew York

[veggiemuncher86]

@UNCMedical ur an asshole

[CanadianImperialist]

I TRUST U FULLY NOW HERE TAKE MY MONEY

[Textra1]

Decriminalise drugs, and half the prison population problem goes away. It's cheaper to have a stoner living on your couch than living in the prison system. :P

[eduardo97hovelman]

bich please, in mexico there is no prison, you get shot.

[dorianleakey]

@eduardo97hovelman Just to be clear, there are other countires than mexico and the us, and mexico has prisons as well.

[xtinct2]

not the type of response you'd expect from an ex-frox news anchor O_o

[yangkx]

The New York shirt. I see what you did there.

[TheHigherVoltage]

Decriminalize pot and America would stop skullfucking itself.

[LordCorinth]

ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)

brooke y u no show tittiez?!

also lets get the ifc out of the onion, comefuckinonalready.

[Qermaq]

I wanna be Brooke Alvarez's evil minion! I gots to get all gettin me to a jail!

[JeeRaph]

It's getting awfully political in here...

[herpiethelovebug]

Prison should not be a private business. For many reasons that I'm not going to get into. Just thought I would say it.

[dorianleakey]

@herpiethelovebug I agree in principle, but they seem to cost more than is logically possible over here in the UK, and you start to think, perhaps the idiot right of the USA are correct after all.

[herpiethelovebug]

@dorianleakey Na, the idiot right is never right. Ever. If they were, we would probably still be throwing poo at each other. Mankind moves forward because of liberals. And technology of course. Well, mainly technology, but liberals helped occasionally. Conservatives? Not so much.

[rieselsanta]

@herpiethelovebug the interesting thing about your statement is that I am almost 100% of the opposite opinion, I think liberals are some pretty nutty people and need to be voted out of office. A good example is Barack Obama; he put through a trillion dollar health care plan in the middle of a recession. Obviously, his ideology is more important than common sense to him.

[herpiethelovebug]

@rieselsanta Well I guess if your only concern is money, you might have a chance to defend yourself. But it isn't all about money. I live in Canada, and despite the warts, I will take my health care system over yours any day. I am anti ideology. I don't favor one party over the other, because it doesn't matter which party is in control, what is, is. Unless you are talking about make believe stuff like money, religion, philosophies.....

[RevolverBoss]

@herpiethelovebug Who freed the slaves? Cuz last time I checked it wasn't liberals... Ignorance is bliss

[herpiethelovebug]

@RevolverBoss A republican in Lincolns time is far different than a republican today. Speaking of ignorance....

[spicychickenwing31]

@RevolverBoss The liberals did. Conservatives wanted to keep them as slaves.

[wasy35]

Yo I think Brooke is a man cause look at the boobs, or the lack of!

[SumFreshDkaf]

@wasy35 Really smh? Not every girl has boobs bursting at the seems...

[kite10122]

minority groups. I mean what? Er... criminals.

[oliverking1]

@kite10122 i dpnt think the US got more blacks then south africa, and i don't think they got more hispanic then mexico

[c0decub]

or maybe more people commit crimes

[Gobln15]

sounds about right :P

[littleAE86thatcould]

so umm, can i like, score with you? Brooke.

[MattMinion]

LOL

[gamerunknown]

Harvard Medical Study found that 45000 Americans die a year due to a lack of health insurance, 3* as many as get murdered. Of course it's better for the government to keep you terrified of your neighbours and whether guys marrying in New York will turn your son gay. That way you stay indoors watching Fox news or sports or reality TV and not outside protesting the lack of a healthcare system like Cuba's. They spend a twentieth of what Americans do per capita with the same lifespan outcomes.

[LordCorinth]

@gamerunknown

there are 300 million people in the US alone, we take that 45k and lol at it.

since when did lack of insurance mean a person couldnt get care? you go to the hospital and get treated and then have a bill to pay off for years afterwards. theres no giant metal robot standing at the door screaming NO WONT LET U!

[TheGuruStud]

@LordCorinth Until recently, yes, that's how it was. If you didn't have insurance and you weren't 2 secs from death, then you didn't get in.

And no, you shouldn't be bankrupted for life from exaggerated medical bills.