Added: 1 year ago
From: davidmitchellsoapbox
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  • Brits and Americans need to stop this needless arguing. Besides, most americans I know (I'm not one myself) make fun of Brits because they know that they are easily angered and will get a reaction.

  • @walruzz099 Let's be honest, americans don't 'know' much about anything.

  • I don't know everything, so it is possible that I could care a bit less, somehow. But at this moment, the level of my caring is so low that I could not tell if I could or could not care less.

  • One that annoys me is when people use "then" instead of "than", as in "I am better then you". It doesn't scan. And I don't know if it came from America, but I hate the word "chillax" more than any other. It is an unsightly portmanteau of "chill" and "relax" and is likely to excite the exact opposite reaction to the one for which is was intended.

  • Who the fuck says "hold down the fort?"

  • @gunterdak americans.

  • Oh and another thing, Hold down the fort is obviously a completely different figure of speech altogether. We obviously mean for you to keep the fort from flying away. Sort of like telling someone to keep their foot on your kite string while you go take a leak.

  • I was always confused as a child when reading or hearing "I could care less". Thank you for letting me know that I wasn't missing something. This was pretty funny.

  • I could care less, but I choose not to.

  • Question: if you don't call them "sidewalks" what do you call them? I had no idea they had a different name over there.

  • @o0FallenAngel0o we call them paths, or pavments

  • @o0FallenAngel0o pavements

  • @o0FallenAngel0o Australian here: Sidewalk is said as "Footpath" here.

  • @musicalaviator In the UK, a footpath tends to refer to a rough path through, say, a nature walk, so it is used.

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  • @Rhymael The reason we are unaware is because it is an idiom...do you think about ducks when you are getting them in a row, squares when you're getting things squeared away? There is no getting it right. Since you are a non-native speaker you should understand that idioms do not mean what their literal translation means. Try it out with things from your native tongue.

  • 02:50 notice the bookworm behind his left shoulder - he he!

  • that guys dume we american say cudint carless and hold down the forts a saying not really holding down a fort or even being in a fort

  • Anyone see the book worm at 2:48?

  • Marry me, David. <3

  • Pleas do more about Americanisms!

  • "Could care less" is not an American-English thing. It's a stupid-people-who-don't-unders­tand-grammar thing.

  • @ftloosenfanzfree Same thing.

  • Most British people seem pretty inarticulate to me, the number of times I've heard "To be pacific" or "excetera" and "expresso" and now thousands are saying "somethink/anythink/nothink" which drives me mad, and why do so many black people say "aksk" instead of 'ask'? aargh! The Americanisms are the least of our worries, although Americans do struggle with grammar I hate it when they say "You did really good".

  • @ticklecreek The phrase is actually, 'to be specific'. You have obviously misheard. 'To be pacific'' makes absolutely no sense whatsoever unless the person in question was so alarmingly fat that they got considered to play the role of an ocean.

  • Ok robert. Ok. 

  • And the term pronounced 'ah-MAYR'-i-can', not 'a-MER-kin'. Stop saying you are a "merkin" (look up the definition and you'll either laugh or be totally embarrassed).

  • and furthermore, allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite. So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there.

  • @xXbutters1234 LOL! I thought you were serious for a moment.

  • @xXbutters1234 You have just won so many internets! Mrs Malaprop would be so proud.

  • @xXbutters1234 i love your comment!

  • Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn't take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It's clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the facts. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother's mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it’s a peach of cake.

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  • Influenced by John Cleese's rant per-chance? "john cleese could care less"

  • but....erbs do make me appy

  • How about "should of"?

  • I always thought holding down the fort meant that the fort was rebelling, so I would keep it contained (held down), while you went for reinforcements.

  • Do Americans actually say 'erbs? I've never heard it before.

  • @TolpuddleMartyr I wouldn't say we pronounce it the French way but most people I know say 'erbs, without the H.

    "I have an 'erb garden and I drink 'erbal tea."

  • @trcunning That's odd. I associate the missing h more with UK English than American English. Practically everyone in my area says 'allo, for example. Didn't realise Americans did it as well.

  • "Could care less" could be used for ironic effect.

  • Ah , so its " I could care less ? " a sort of rhetorical question spoken in a strong jewish accent prefferably?

    Still prefer the correct version, the one that makes sense.

    Now call me an arab ( pronounced A-rab) communist and chant "U,S.A .!" 50 times. oh and don't forget the "woohoo" at the end, and applaude yourself.

  • That bar graph looked painful.

  • I always thought about this myself...It doesn't make any sense....I thought it was just a mistake when Americans said 'they could care less'...due to ignorance.

  • Lol at the end, "I could care less"

  • and it's a couple OF things, not "a couple things".

  • Who the fuck doesn't want an inflatable hover fort?

  • 2:47 Caterpillar to the right =o

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  • Absolutely smashing. the "I could care less" has got on my tits for years. Well said David.

  • Interesting, I've never noticed a person in America say "could care less" unless they were somewhat illiterate. I've always said "couldn't". Though, the differences between American and "The Queen's" English really don't matter.

  • this guy is just trying to prescribe grammar. if a figure of speech evolves, it evolves.

  • @troglodyto what? I'm not sure I get you. If you're saying that the "I could care less" is just how it changed over time well that doesn't change the fact it changed into something nonsensical in the manner Americans use it.

  • @splerppp i'm saying "i could care less" is a variant that has become a valid alternative over time. people understand the intended meaning (which is not literal).

    there are lots of nonsensical phrases. "it's raining cats and dogs", for example. would it make any sense for David to make a video ranting about how it can't really rain cats and dogs? no.

    the phrase annoys him. fine. but is it "wrong"? no. enough people use it that it's acceptable--and no one but an idiot takes it literally.

  • @troglodyto Do you do this whenever anyone tells a joke near you?

  • @gammaray0wn yes :( the funny must die!

  • @troglodyto no you are wrong. 'i could care less' is wrong grammatically as you should say 'i couldn't care less' for it to make sense.

    It's raining cats and dogs in an IDIOM, meaning it doesn't directly translate into another language but still makes sense in the native tongue.

    Everyone but an idiot understands what an idiom is.

    Therefore you're such an idiom.

  • @troglodyto Exactly. So glad someone else gets this. The video is actually kind of moronic...its basically just analyzing idioms and coming to the realization that they don't mean what they are literally saying...get my drift?

  • @niverent Exactly! Nobody takes it literally but snobs. Not only that, in taking it literally, they're actually showing their ignorance. With grammar, linguists always try to "describe" rather than "prescribe" because language is always evolving, and new phrases are always materializing. Correctness is only determined by acceptance, and "I could care less" has gained acceptance. A lot of people are using this as a lame excuse to make fun of Americans, and a lot of other people are just snobs.

  • @troglodyto Alternatively, it can show you as an imbecile who cannot grasp the notion of syntax.

  • @Karth38 there's nothing wrong with it syntactically. it's the meaning of the phrase that is "wrong" in a literal sense. Nonetheless, the expression is abundantly used, and its intended meaning is understood. David Mitchell here is being needlessly (and militantly) prescriptive. Why should everything be literal? The fun of language is in the exceptions to the rules...

  • @troglodyto It has not gained any acceptance amongst smart, educated people, though, has it? Correct use of language is snobbish? I point you to David's video on spelling. You are free to use language wrongly, but you will be judged on it. And while you don't need to care if you are judged by some bloke you meet in the pub, you might care a little more when that person is sitting across from you at a job interview.

  • @troglodyto I think a lot of people on here might actually be mildly autistic - they sure are having difficulty with the concept that language isn't always literal. They couldn't even tell in the top comment that I was being facetious - they literally thought that I thought I speak American.

  • @niverent I agree! A lot of people are intent on seeing things a certain way, and you just can't change that.

    Another thing irks me is that even among the smarter commenters (who do concede that not all English phrases need to be literal), there is the impression that the only things that are allowed to be non-literal are idioms. To them, "I could care less" still remains unacceptable because it's non-literal but isn't an idiom.

    Why do phrases not meant to be taken literally have to be idioms?

  • @splerppp ps: apologies, i don't know why that message came out so aggressive, lol.

  • Hhahahahahahaha

  • As for "I could care less," I always imagine it as a figure of speech, sort of like an understatement. For example, if I'm being offered something for twenty dollars and I give a counteroffer of three cents, obviously I'm just being a dick.

  • what about double-negotiations? like "Ain't not"?

  • @linuslillen01 You mean double negatives? A lot of us in the UK don't like that either XD

  • I was nodding it agreement, and then I giggled, and then I lost it at "herbs". xD

  • Someone doesn't get that "I could care less" is supposed to be said sarcastically.

  • I'm not sure anyone English is allowed to comment on the pronunciation of "h." It's their fault "an historical" is an accepted phrase now. The could care less thing I can get behind, though.

  • bookworm on the right at 2:47

  • caterpillar at 2:50

  • 145 people could care less.

  • I could say do I don't give a flying a flying fuck.

    

  • Could't care less is also useless as an indicator, because the person saying it might not be able to care less, whereas another person could. I could care less actually indicates less caring because the person saying it is essentially saying "I could care less but I don't care enough to put in the effort to do so...its that unimportant to me."

  • @niverent No you've missed it completely. There's no "might" about it. "Couldn't care less" means it's impossible to care less, ergo the person who says it is saying they do not care at all. There's no ambiguity, they just don't care one little tiny fraction of a bit.

    I see where you're coming from but I disagree that not caring about something requires effort. Care and effort in a way is the same thing. No care = no effort.

  • @ukokay Yeah, but someone else could care less. When someone says "I couldn't care less"...it doesn't mean they don't care. It simply means that they are personally incapable of caring less. They may in fact care a lot...it actually just means that they have no control over their emotions and are unable to make themselves care less.

  • @niverent No. If you could care less but you care so little you can't be bothered to care less you still care more then someone who couldn't care less. It doesn't matter how much another person could care, the phrase is only relevent to the person making it. Someone saying they couldn't care less is not saying they have reached the limit as to how much they personally could care less, whereas someone else might care less more, they have reached the human limit of caring less.

  • @Fangtorn Yeah, but when someone says "I couldn't care less" it doesn't actually mean they don't care. It simply means they couldn't care less, in other words they are incapable of controlling their emotions. All the phrase really reflects is ones subjective ability to effect their level of caring.

  • @niverent That isn't the common usage of "I couldn't care less." When most people use that phrase, when I and all of the people I've ever heard use it they do mean they don't care.

    If I say "I couldn't care less what you think of me," I'm not saying I can't control my emotions at all, I'm saying I think so little of you I don't care about your opinion. It doesn't matter to me at all.

    The way you're defining the phrase makes it completely pointless.

  • @Fangtorn I get your point. The thing is its an idiomatic phrase which means like all idiomatic phrases you can't tell its meaning from its literal usage. In other words, breaking down "I could care less" is as pointless as breaking down "I couldn't care less." They're both idiomatic phrases that become meaningless when you break them down. Think of it like this: one person could say the one phrase and another person the other and they could have the exact same level of caring.

  • @niverent No, but that is exactly what you don't seem to be getting. I could care less and I couldn't care less are not synonymous. I mean I've explained it in my replies and ukokay explained it in his replies and David Mitchell explained it lavish detail in this video. If a person says I couldn't care less he literally means he doesn't care at all, on level of caring he is at 0. If a person says he could care less that means he cares at least a 1, because he could care 0.

  • @Fangtorn Wrong. Think of it like this. I could care less means..."well, I suppose it would be possible for me to care less but it is hard for me to imagine." Do you get now how might possibly, just possibly the expression is not as non-sensical as you are a making. I completety get your pointt. Its you that dont get my point. Are you even trying to SEE what I am saying? Ah..there's another idiomatic phrase...maybe you should point out the absuridity of actually seeing what I am saying.

  • @niverent At least 672,000 people, everyone I have ever heard say either "I could care less" or "I couldn't care less", and David Mitchell himself disagrees with your usage. Just because a phrase is idiomatic doesn't mean a phrase can mean anything the user wishes. Just because it's an idiom, doesn't mean it can't be taken literally. Know what I mean? Do I look like I care care? Can be taken literally.

    But anyway, I could care less.

  • @Fangtorn The dude in this video is a tool. I speak American motherfucker.

    Verdict: "could care less" stays.

    Have a nice day :)

  • @niverent No you don't, american is not a language, you speak english.

  • @niverent silly Americunt...you speak english and nothing else

    (well, you speak "slaughtered english" to be fair)

  • @Assassinate4u And you speak unnecessary rude, vulgar and sexist English.

  • @trcunning ty =)

  • @Assassinate4u Whatever dude...as long as your country stays in line and keeps doing what benefits America I'm happy. 51st state bruv.

  • @niverent Whatever dude... i'm just waiting for US to collapse when the Chinese want their money back ;)

  • @Assassinate4u Yeah...the US collapsing won't affect Not So Great Britain at all. 

  • @niverent i don't care about britain...well maby a little bit, they do have an awesome humour

  • @Assassinate4u That's the truth.

  • @niverent American isn't an official language. I'm afraid you speak English; albeit rather strange and dialectal English (like the Scots). (Is there anyone I haven't alienated yet?)

  • @niverent you sir, are a moron. There is no such language as 'american'. Go back to school and learn it as such.

  • @mattg109 Actually you ae the moron. If you had read my comment you should have been able to tell from the context that I was being facetious....that is if you weren't a moron, which you are.

  • @niverent No you are the moron as you had no need to be facetious and there is no possibility that anyone could have taken it as such in digital form. Also as many yanks do claim to speak 'american', it was an obvious error to correct.

  • @mattg109 No Matt. You are the moron. I was being facetious. As I have pointed out in other posts many of you people being critical here are having difficutly with the non-literal aspect of language. Do you have aspergers syndrome by any chance?

  • Is that a bookworm on the right bookshelf at 2:48?

  • Haha I love how he actually says "I could care less" at the end, meaning he actually does care quite a lot, hence the video

  • anyone notice the worm crawling past the bookshelf at 2:48 ?

  • i hate this saying too "could care less"

  • I could NOT agree more. It infuriates me to no end that people seem unwilling or unable to think about what the words they are saying actually mean.

  • About english vs. american (as a language). You native speakers may have your own opinion, but there are others as well. In a lot of languages a clear difference is made between what americans and british ppl speak. In dutch for instance no one would possibly claim that americans speak english .. they speak american. There must be a difference, right, if even foreigners note that

  • THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!

  • I mean, not saying the h in herb isn't all that weird. Kind of like not saying the g in gnome.

  • 2:47 DAVID! I LOVE THIS VIDEO BUT YOUR WORM IS GETTING AWAY! HURRY!

  • @allamericandude15 Urrrr, there is a difference between changing words like mum to mom and having a different accent. BTW if you're in the same city, unless the other person is an immigrant then you'll understand them fine. Being that the English created the language and you have incorrectly changed words like mum to mom not because of accent, I'll think you'll find it's the Americans who've butchered the language.

  • @brockheinz actually if I remember correctly mom and mum both come from mam the old english for mother. So technically we are both wrong and the word is mam. However if you pop over to Birmingham then you will find people saying mom. So really if you feel the need to say anyone butched english, it would be the english, the americans just continued the tradition.

  • I'm sorry, but Brits are (ironically) not ones to talk when it comes to how English "should" be spoken. Brits abuse the English language WAY more than we do. In America, two people might have difficulty understanding each other if one person comes from California and the other comes from Louisiana. But two Brits might have difficulty understanding each other if they come from two sides of the same CITY. There are more local dialects in the UK than there are in the ENTIRE Unites States.

  • @allamericandude15 What a load of crap.

  • @allamericandude15 Have you ever been to the UK? Because that's complete rubbish. I've travelled to a lot of places in the UK, and I've never had trouble understanding the natives. Except in Somerset.

  • @elvenlie "Have I been to the UK?" Yes. I lived there for two years, and have traveled there multiple times because I have family over there. In fact I was there last summer. I'm not trying to put England down, I'm just making a point.

  • @allamericandude15 - Dialects or accents aren't relevant at all, and as we grow up hearing the different accents from around the UK, it's quite rare not to understand what another Brit is saying, no matter where they're from. By the way it's 'Far more' not 'Way more' couldn't resist - sorry ;-)

  • @allamericandude15 You didn't really pay attention to what the video was saying, did you? Mitchell begins by saying that different DIALECTS, whether from across America or across London, are fine. That was his point for nearly the whole of the first minute. The point being we're not talking about dialects. We're talking about simply not thinking about what the hell you're saying to the point where what you end up saying is exactly the opposite of what you intended to say. Understand?

  • "A fort is too big to hold" really, you really think that phrase is funny? Holding doesn't only imply to have and keep in one's grasp. But also; To have and maintain in one's possession.

  • Ironically, "hold the fort" kinda doesn't make sense either - Forts being generally too large and heavy to hold.

  • @Alexfantastico26 surely you would look up the definitions of 'hold' before commenting.

  • @6bobjohnson9 Yeah, I think he was kidding...and trying to be funny?

  • @clockworkladyJaz I don't think so.

  • what if its a person who is physically forced to care at least a certain amount? they could say i could not care less and still care more than a person who could care less.

  • "thumbs us up" is another fucking annoying one

  • What do British people call sidewalks?

  • @Yougimpytube Oh, pavement? That's a new one for me.

  • American here, I wrote an essay on the "could care less" monstrosity for school last year. Thank you, mister Mitchell.

  • @KrazyShrink

    Well, you're both simply wrong. "I could care less" is a comedic turn of phrase, you are asserting that you care a little, but so little that you could actually care less. It makes perfect sense if you don't apply a bunch of superfluous logic to what is essentially a joke.

    Also, I don't know how one would "hold a fort". Most forts are too big to hold.

  • @Jcolinsol If you used it in that sense it certainly could be correct, but 95% of the morons using it are simply mixing it up with "I couldn't care less" and do intend to mean that they care as little as possible.

  • @Jcolinsol "comedic turn of phrase" my arse

  • @uberd0gAlpha

    I could care less what you think. I just don't care enough to adjust my apathy levels.

  • @Jcolinsol my arse

  • @uberd0gAlpha

    We're all duly impressed with your fine ass.

  • he is correct. i just wish Americans where saying this to one another

  • he's joking.... 

  • I can get on board with everything David Mitchel is saying here, but I'm sorry, herb has a silent H. Herb (HA-erb) sounds like an overweight, middle age man who gave up on his dreams and there is no way I am drinking THAT tea

  • @TrevorReece How you managed to get an 'a' in herb is anyone's guess...

  • I want to marry David Mitchell's brain.

  • So we all know this is just satire right? Just checking.

  • I don't know that I have have ever heard anyone say "hold down the fort".

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  • hahaha legend!

  • I love all the people complaining that Americans are corrupting the English language, as if America was the only country in the world that speaks English but speaks it in a different way than UK English.

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  • @johanitaLoca Might want to do a little fact checking there. Spanish is more widely spoken in South America, but in North America, English is spoken both in more countries and by more people. And yes, it might be more correct to call "America" the United States, the people that live here are referred to as Americans in English and in other languages, and using America when referring to the United States is simply a part of the modern lexicon, whether it's accurate or not.

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  • @punkrockcop You just might want to check again, but for example Mexico is strictly speaking also still North America.

  • @johanitaLoca Yes it is, and so are the Central American countries and the Caribbean Islands (the majority of whom speak either English or French). Even if we were only talking about US, Canada, and Mexico, there are nearly 3 times as many English speakers as Spanish speakers, going with estimates that 96% of Americans speak English fluently. Even adding in the Central American countries, English speakers still outnumber Spanish speakers by about 100 million.

  • he should have commented on the Americans use of the word ass instead of a**e. As mr Mitchel said having different words for things when they make sense e.g sidewalk describe the stone you walk on at the side of the road. however 'ass' is another word for a donkey so using it to describe a human body part makes no sense. every time they 'asshole' they're saying donkey hole. and when they say e.g 'going to kick you're ass' they're actually vocalising they're intent on animal cruelty

  • I've taken to using the phrase 'I could care less, but that would require effort I'd rather expend on something useful.'

  • What a wonderful video! -- both in terms of message conveyed and in terms of videographic presentation. Five stars all the way!

    David Mills

    Huntington, WV

  • I would just like to point out to all viewers that the language is 'English.' Not American, English. Even in America the language you use is English. Therefore when you change words in order to suit your needs to have your precious independace and freedom (despite being slavers until recently) the words you use are slang, nothing more. However, when you say words such as BerNARD, this is an accent and is perfectly understandable. But whatever, I could care less.

  • @bainbonic Damn right! All of us Americans should endeavor to limit the use of language-polluting slang. We should roll back the clock on all the erroneous colloquialism we've accrued over the years, and speak English in the manner it was intended - Middle English, which most certainly is not evolved from Old English, which itself is in no way a combined descendant of the Anglo-Frisian and Saxon languages from around the 3rd through 9th centuries.

    Geþiode awendan, buddy.

  • @MegaMatt56 Yes, I'll admit to what you are saying. The evolution of language has always existed since language was first created. However, this language I am using is English, and so long as you call your language English it means that you are meerly using a variant of our language (American English).

  • @MegaMatt56 However, recently people have taken to refering to it as 'American.' Providing people don't refer to the UK English as American, I am in full support of this as it would mean that the language has become your own language in its own right and 'flashlight' and 'could care less' would no longer be slang.

  • @MegaMatt56 Yes, over time slang words become real ones. For example, thye word 'hello' was a slang word until recently. But as the UK English is very widely spoken in the UK, believe it or not, this means that the two English languages reach an impass. As the English are English it only makes sense that we speak English. Likewise, as Americans are American it only makes sense that Americans should speak American, which many seem to refuse to acknowledge.

  • @bainbonic I can't really argue against your anecdotal evidence about people referring to English in America as "American." I can tell you no one really does that here. If I walked down the street and asked people "What language am I speaking right now?" no one is going to say "American." I think you're really splitting hairs with accents and dialects and all kinds of localizations of the language. The fact that you and I are arguing across the pond is evidence we're speaking the same language.

  • @bainbonic As progenitors of the English language, English folks can claim authority of it if they want. The umbrella is way huger than the Empire nowadays, and the English are a minority. You guys don't really own it anymore. All of us Yanks, Canucks, Aussies, etc. are infecting the language without your permission, oh no! Maybe someday the accents and dialects will drift far enough apart that we're all speaking separate languages, but I wouldn't bet on the internet letting that happen.

  • I was not aware that anyone (Americans or otherwise) used the expression "I could care less." I believe I have only heard "I couldn't care less," which, as he points out, is the only form that makes sense. But now I am doubting myself -- I will listen more closely when this is used!

  • Book worm at 2:50! :D

  • lol, the could care less thing has never made sense... fucking americans.

  • @JosHiiE93 I've never heard anyone say that... maybe it's just the part of America I live in is more conscious of their language use. I dunno.

  • legend

  • ldshadowlady? anyone?

  • The thing you have to realize is that a percentage of Americans don't have the proper education, or use the education they have received, to compose phrases logically or grammatically. However, another percentage of Americans are Grammar Nazis and despise people who say, "I could care less" when they mean they couldn't care less. Also, I always joke that the difference between our English and the Queen's English is our innate need to further rebel against the British.

  • As an American, I can say that in English classes in High School, they do teach that "couldn't care less" is the correct phrase.

  • 2:49 WORM!

  • Holding down the fought is a good way of preventing said combatant from getting up and clobbering you when yr back is turned. And I just like the sense of irony in 'I could care less'.

  • Both phrases are meaningless. I agree that "could care less" is stupid, but let me illustrate why "couldn't care less" is also ambiguous.

    "Elizabeth, you care far too much about the syntax of certain phrases the Americas are using. You shouldn't worry about it so much."

    "But Charles, we have tried to reduce the amount we care about it, but we have been unable to."

    "So you are saying that, having tried and failed, the statement 'I couldn't care less' applies, even though you DO care?"

    "Yes."

  • Why can't you have health, intelligence, skill and good teeth?

  • @lllachrymose Yeah, Britain should have something more like America's healthcare system...

    OH WAIT

  • Couldn't stop staring