my ex girlfriend got knocked up 3 months after we broke up, (side note: she was my willing beard to throw my parents off the gay trail), my parents asked me half jokingly if it was my kid, to which i responded: "If i ever knock up somebody, call CNN cause most men can't get pregnant no matter how hard i try." coincidentally, also my coming out story, completely on fucking accident... just a horribly miss timed blurt...
Oh god. SF and Berkeley homeless are pretty aggressive...I've been called a bitch and quite a few other names for simply not carrying change/cash on hand. No harm no foul however.
oh sweet jesus...though yes, you will be going to hell for that, I hate to admit I may be there with you as I too have made such word vomit before. it happens. especially in awkward settings. as much as we strive to make the awkward less so, we inevitably progress & produce further social ostracism. hang in their my unintentional offender...your bigotry-level degradation can find solace in the arms of a supportive network of fellow word vomitters.
My mom, grandma and i were playing pool. i said to my grandma,"you'd have to be epileptic to miss this shot." the lady next to us was epileptic and boy did she let me know it.
One time at Walmart my mom had me bag our items. I guess my bagging wasnt good enough because my mom teased me saying that I would never get a job here. Without thinking I laugh and say I would never work at Walmart so dont worry. The horror on the poor Walmart worker broke my heart and I wanted to shoot myself in the foot after that.
mine is similar to yours. after about two hungry hours in the holocaust museum (the one in melbourne, not dc, cos im australian) where i wasnt allowed to eat, we finally left. only a few steps out of the museum, i pulled out a sandwich that i had taken and said way too loudly "uh! i am starving!!" im pretty sure the guys from the museum all heard me (from memory, two of them were holocaust survivors). it was soooooo bad
Just yesterday I was commenting to a friend about our professor. Not seeing her, I told my friend she is a bitchy person. One minute later, I realize she's sitting less one foot away from where I was having my conversation. My professor heard everything. I did this a few years back to my high school teacher, too.
I was talking to my boyfriend at school (about 30 mins after school got out) and I heard a cough from behind me. Thinking it was one of his friends who hates it when we act like a couple, I turned around and said "get a life" (my usual response to their usual "get a room") . My world civ teacher just looked at me confused and said "excuse me?". Fortunately that teacher has a sense of humor...
In art, i was carving some styrofoam and i look up at my friend Justine, and i was like "I hate my job." Serious as a heart attack. She looks at me and she says, "Courtney, you dont have a job..." Then i remembered, i do not, in fact, have a job. Somehow, my overly day-dreamy mind concocted that i had a job... that i hated. :/ My life is so sad.
i obliviously sat down next to my friend and her boyfriend (they were probably cuddling or something) and then suddenly my friend left cause her ride was there and i was sitting alone with the boyfriend and i panicked and was like "let's play i spy" and he was like "...i can't see anything cause im not wearing my glasses" and then i was like "oh" and then he left....O.o
One time I was at a diner with my parents. The waitress that was waiting on us kind of talked in a whispered tone. My dad, being my dad goes "Oh do you have a cold? you sound kind of horse" Turns out the waitress was in a car crash that damaged her vocal chords so she couldnt speak any louder than a whisper. Most. Embarrising. Moment. of. my. life.
i happened to be sitting next to a gay couple one night when i was out to dinner with my friends, and we were talking about how cute they were in like hushed tones to avoid them hearing us, but then when my one friend got her food she mixed up saying "good" and "great" and said "omg this food is SO. GAY" it was a little awks
One time I was on the phone with my ex boyfriend and we were just talking about random stuff and since he's catholic he went to a catholic school in elementary school and the schools name is st francis. He was talking about it and without thinking I said "I hate people from st francis" *face palm*
Someone had been talking during my choir class in high school, and our choir teacher got enraged and started yelling "WHO IS TALKING?! WHO IS TALKING?!"
And me, always being the one to misread the situation, and thinking that he was just asking "Who should be the only one talking?" in an angry way, slowly raised my hand to answer him. He sees me and loudly says, "Who was talking?" And I answer, "You were."
mine was horrible. one time in math class my asian guy friend was like "dude.. try to say ping pong in your best asian accent" which i did, and it was really funny, so ill still do it randomly sometimes. well one time i was walking with my aunt and i said it, and then i look over and RIGHT next to us is an asian couple sitting on a park bench. dear lord XD
omgosh yess! one of my male acquaintances had just told me how his grandmother had passed and a couple of days later we were joking around and I called him fugly and he replied, "yo mama" jokingly and without thinking my stupid self yelled out " your grandma" included with snaps and neck rolls and all.. It wasn't until he looked like he was going to cry where I fell to my knees and started apologizing.. I really need a filter..
Once I was eating lunch with this girl that i didn't really know that well, I didn't know what to do to fill the awkward silence, so I started talking about my hatred of spoons, even though I have nothing against spoons.
Also once this blonde girl was complaining to me about dumb blonde jokes and I said "Well, not all blonde people are dumb, but all dumb people are blonde." Which I didn't mean. And then this blonde girl who was passing by said "but you're not blonde"
One time I told a "yo mamma" joke to a girl who's mom had died. I did not know this, and as soon as I had said the joke she tearfully informed me of her mom. I legit started crying and gave her a huge hug and acted super awkward, which I'm sure only made things worse. =/
i was over at a friend's grandma's house and i had pointed to a golden jar and said 'is that an egg?' The grandma responded with ' oh that's papa'. Turned out to be the holder of her dead husbands ashes.
I was watching Degrassi with my friends and one of them had a suicide in her family many years ago. This one character on the show was acting very unnecessarily depressed and suddenly left the school dance, and MY DUMB ASS SELF SAID "Oh god is she going to go kill herself?". AND AS I WAS SAYING IT I JUST KNEW I SHOULDNT, BUT THE BRAIN WAVES WERE ALREADY MOVING MY MOUTH TO MAKE THE WORDS, AND I COULDNT STOP, AND I WAS JUST SCREAMING "NOOOOOOO" INTERNALLY THE WHOLE TIME.
In my second year of college, my friends and I decided to give out free hugs in Union Square (NYC) because we were bored and thought it would be a nice way to brighten a day (Luckily it was rush hour). So as I'm waiting for a hug, a homeless man comes up for a free hug....
Of course in my head I was like "ew". And without really thinking I just blurted out - "I'm good" and walked away. -___-
i was in line for a dressing room at american eagle
this guy working there puts me in one and to be polite he says:
"oh sorry the light is out in this one is that okay, do you want to wait for another?"
I didn't care I just wanted to get in there and try my clothes on - and without thinking and rushing the convo I come up with: "no it's okay - i look better in the dark"
One time my cousin and I were walking out of a baseball game and there was a man playing the saxophone. We had extra popcorn so I was like, I'll give it to that man. I didn't think he was homeless, obviously, because he owns a saxophone and was decently dressed but I figured that everyone loves popcorn. So I walk over and offer it to me and he shouts: "I'm not homeless and I'm not hungry, I'm just playing my music". It was really embarrassing...
One time, I was sitting with my friend Christi, and a group of her friends at lunch. Which included one really nice girl named Nicole, who also happened to be morbidly obese. I went to sit down next to my friend, when I said the stupidest thing without thinking... "Ugh! I don't want to sit next to fatty!" You see, 'Fatty' was my nickname for Christi, but you can see how it came across...
In highschool, I was president of my jazz choir and my choral teacher told me that he was going to be putting up practice material on his site within the next few days.When they were put up he wanted me to tell the members of the choir. The next day, in front of my entire class, he told me that he put the links up only for me to respond "Oh You were able to get it up quickly! Good Boy!" With the perverted minds of high school students, the room brokeinto laughter leaving me feeling so awkward...
I was at Aldi and the person handed me a bag. I was confused because it was my first time there, and I just say "What the fuck is this? Am I supposed to fucking bag my own shit? You take that bag and you fucking bag it bitch." And then the lady replied "Bitch, here you bag your own. Now go over to that counter and bag it."
I said to a friend "gving flowers is such a gay present" in front of a flower shop and a guy came out of the store with a bouquet and gave me the finger. One day I asked a class mate "if she had a cold cause her nose was way red" and she got up and ran to the bathroom crying... she broke up with her bf. I do it all the time, I just mean no harm :P
oooh this made me laugh so much ! I could have done the same thing... actually I remember one time when I was younger, I had dinner at a friend of my parents house, and there was some ice cream for desert. I before I took some I asked my mom: "is it good?" right in front of her friend who had invited us. It was so rude...
In eighth grade I went to my crushes football game. He went up to me after it was over to say hi since I'd gone and we stood there as awkward 13 year olds. Trying to make conversation the first thing I said was "You lost. O.O I'm sorry." he nodded and walked away.
One day i went out to lunch with a couple of friends and we were talking about what we were going to be for halloween. My friends said a couple of ideas, then i said (really loud) "we should dress up like the KKK" and the black guy in front of me turns around and says "you should." then he walked away. i felt really bad. /:
i work at starbucks and we have a regular that comes in who's in a wheelchair. we all love him and i was off early one day so i went and sat with him for a few minutes at the table before i left. we were busy on the floor that day and the first thing i said was "wow, my legs hurt. i'm so happy to finally sit down". awful!
A friend of mine invited me to stay in her house when we were younger, so I was like 'Sure, is it okay with your mom?' .... somehow it had completely slipped my mind that her mom had died three years before.
A black friend and I were at a language seminar learning to say some basic words in Chinese and this kid was picked to demonstrate how to say all the words. He said them all very fluently and quickly and my friend was like, "damn, I could never say the words like that." and I replied, "it's because we're white." BUT WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS BECAUSE WE'RE NOT CHINESE/CAN'T SPEAK IT so...yeah...awkward...
just today. i get so many stupid kids wearing those 'i heart boobies' bracelets, and i know that they bought those not for the reason that they are meant for. Anyway, a friend of my bf's has a bracelet like that and i looked at it and said 'thank you for supporting the fight against Breast Cancer. though I know thats not why you bought it' KNOWING that his mom died from that... ugh... as i was speaking i almost cried, then said 'at least thats not y i would buy it, i really do love boobies' WHY?
One time my band teacher was out, so i volunteered to conduct, and when my best friend moved in front of my chair, I said "Oh cool, now I cant see half the band." I felt terrible! She knows i didnt mean it though, and she really isnt fat, shes just really tall and the trumpet section are all really short!
@tyleroakley@greyk2 GAWD I miss you two! Please do a collab vid at some point in the near future, about something, anything. Don't even care if it's 30 seconds long!
My friend was once saying that my other, taller friend wanted to get her fat so she could have her clothes. I was so confused, and I just said "But they still would't fit..." and I realized I made it sound like my other friend was fat. I felt SO bad.
In my Spanish class, this girl I don't know that well was sitting by me and asking for my help as she often did and after I had helped her, she did the usual "You're so smart, I wish I was smart but I'm stupid," thing, and I, who had heard this many times already and had tuned out, didn't realize what I was saying and said, "You're not that stupid..."
So once I was sitting awkwardly my friend's bro at a party and it was super awkward bc it was one of those whoops I'm accidentally alone with you, how did that happen kind of moments. I was searching for anything at all to say to make conversation bc I'm so bad at stuff like that, so, even though I realized what I was saying while it was coming out of my mouth, I said, "What happened to your face?" Turns out he just had acne and that poor kid's face absolutely crumpled. It looked like an injury!
One time, I was talking to a woman I barely knew, so I didn't know she was pregnant. She told me she had a birthday coming up. I said "Wooo, fun!" and then she went OFF about how "I'm having a child and there's no reason to celebrate me getting older and this is not a cause for celebration." She ended with "What's so great about my birthday anyway?" My stunned silence lasted for about 4 seconds before I ended the conversation with "Birthday cake?"
While talking to a hot customer at work, he tells me he's on his way home from work and asks how I'm doing. I respond with, "Fine. I'm just about to get off..." I see my manager smirk in the corner of my eye. "... WORK!" I blurt out, horrified.
While in line at a local coffee shop, my friend asked me if I had tried the Hummus, to which I replied, "I like hummus homemade by other people." (because I knew their hummus was homemade.) Well the owner happened to be walking by and said to me, "Our hummus IS homemade." Without trying to be rude, the words just escaped from my mouth, "Oh no, you miss heard I said homemade by OTHER people."
I will be on the bus to hell now...one ticket please :-(
Well my BFF takes things REALLY personal and we were talking bout people being rude and it reminded me I wanted 2tell her that she was being rude the other day so I say hey the other day I felt like u were being really rude and now she won't talk to me!!!!!!!
@mormor1245 It sounds like she is a little dramatic, at;east you were being honest and communicating with her about your feelings. You can't control how other people act though, and you can't control how other people will react to the things you say.
I do this all the time, but the most humorous instance I can think of is about my friend Savannah. She is talking to me and her cousin Shelby, and she Is talking about how Shelby is exactly like another cousin, Mackenzie. Then Savannah says 'Mackenzie can be such a bitch.' As she said it, her eyes got huge as she realized what she was implying.
I was in my literacy class and my teacher is white. He says that his sisters boyfriend isn't a Canadian citizen because he wasn't born in Canada. I ask were his sister boyfriend is from and he says a Caribbean place I can't remember the name. So i say her " oh her boyfriend is black" and he says "yes interracial relationships" it was really funny though me and him started to laugh, but I probably shouldn't have have said that still..... Oops my bad Lol :)
Thank you Tyler for being one of the guys who are still active after 5AG, still makes me smile whenever a video from you pop up :) Not to put my nose where it does not belong, but how is Steve If you still have contact with him?
it was my 90 year old grandmothers birthday and i was left in charge of giving a toast to her it was nice until at the end of it i said enjoy your birthday it may be your last.
randomly at times when things get awkward in the middle of conversations, i say, "so did I tell you I'm black?" ....it generates questions and a completely false story about how i'm black even though I'm not.
I used to work in Oakland and got hit up for money all the time.. I had been harassed by this one crack head one too many times, one day I'm on my lunch break with a friend and I'm trying to listen to a voice mail ....this guy sees I'm trying to hear my crappy phone and keeps talking to me then he reached over the shopping carts that were between us and touched me!!!! I lost it!! I yelled at him "Don't you ever fucking touch me!" I don't remember what else I said but he never did bother me again
A while ago a homeless woman came up to me on the street and asked for money for dinner, and I replied, "I don't have any money to spare, I'm still broke from the last cruze I went on." and then walked away.
The other day I opened a Christmas gift that was in a huge box. My cat went over to sniff it and play in it, and my mum goes "She likes your package."
When my friend Sarah was little, her mum and my mum went to go eat at Friendly's. She was drawing with the crayons in the crayon pail, and loudly yelled "THERE ARE TOO MANY BLACKS IN HERE!" Of course the Friendly's was mostly occupied by African Americans at the time. Her mother was so embarrassed.
sometimes it's what you DON'T say... one time in a hotel room, my friends and I were getting in bed, but one girl decided she wanted to try on outfits for the next day, and she pulled the "guys, I'm so fat!" line. AND NONE OF US RESPONDED. Not because she's fat, but because we were trying to go to sleep and didn't really register it. I don't think she was too crushed, and we laughed about it later, but man, it could have turned ugly.
Once, I was holding signs for the override in my town and I was holding my coffee and a sign. So, anyway, It was dificult to hold the sign with one hand and I said to my friend "Keily! It's like I only have one aaarm!" Of course, to my other side, there stood a girl with one arm.
So we were at a dance where we all had to sign in, and there was this girl waiting for her date. She kept asking if she should just sign her boyfriend in and I was like, "You know, you probably shouldn't, just in case he doesn't show up." The best part was I didn't even realize how awful that was until after the dance was over.
There was once my sister was looking at her reflection in my mirror, only a few minutes after telling my mom how much skinnier I am than her (I'm not even a nice slim-fit skinny, she was only making comparison to herself because she finds herself fat when her figure looks perfect) and I said to her, "Oh, this mirror makes your legs look smaller."
After I said it, I realised how wrong it sounded. I only said it because it makes ANYONE'S legs look smaller. D:
my 6th grade teacher used to through bagel parties every few months. while we were studying babylon i looked up at him and asked if we were going to have another baby. meant to say bagel. but i went for the two syllable b word that was in front of me.
omg last year. my boyfriends mother died in a car crash, and his little brother was dying in the hospital. so we were at the hospital. i hadnt slept in two days, i was drunk when we heard the news. i was going to get a coffee. my ex yells out to me down the hall "dont drink all the machine"
omg i said the worst response ever....... "your mom". immediately i slapped my hand over my mouth. i totally forgot she died and it was our little habit joke! luckily enough, i don think he heard it. but omg
Yeah. One time my roommate came into the room crying and she said "i could kill myself." I looked up from the computer and said "not today..my show is on and I don't need the drama."
One time a homeless man said to me: "Christ loves you." To which I reply without really thinking or caring: "Not you. cause you're homeless." And I walked away.
I was playing cards with a group of friends, and I was gloating to my friend like "LAST CAARD" and she had like half the deck. So, she say's to me "'Cause you suck!" and I replied "Oh, yeah, cause I sucked my way to the top!".
when i get in a hurry, i mix up some letters in words or forget some completely. we were doing a study game in history where you have to write down your answers on a white board, and i held mine up and everyone made fun of how i misspelled some guy's name. i said 'Whoops, went a little dyslexic" the 2 people sitting next to me were both dyslexic. they spelled it right.
This dyslexic thing has happened about 3 times, once with my best friends dyslexic mother.
I have such a habit of trying to compliment someone but it ends up sounding really mean. Like one time I was talking to my friend and her hair looked pretty good that day. So I said, "Your hair looks good. Better than it normally does."
as a joke, a girl in my class told me i look like a prairie dog. trying to come up with a quick funny response i said she looks like a blow fish............ she's fat in real life. oops.
I work in a porn store and I was medicated and tired and I couldnt articulate what this stuff was supposed to do so I finally just lean on the counter and said "It makes your puss very happy"... *le horror* she thought it was hilarious though. She actually came back in a couple days ago and mentioned how she'll never forget me. Which was another tired/ my meds are messing up again and I ended up asking her bf how on earth his penis must feel since she hated the real feel toys. lmao. So yea :)
In the 7th grade we did an activity where we had to do color matching, and at the end of class, we had to put the tablets into their respected containers by color. There was a boy who kept asking "Is this considered pink? Is this purple? This is red, right?" It had been a long day I guess, and I was in a foul mood, and I blurted out, "Are you color blind?" HE. WAS.
I was in my school cafeteria when I saw my friends all whispering in a corner, so (due to my obnoxiousness) I ran up to them yelling "what are we talking about how Ashley is breaking up with Jon?"- everyone looks at my with the biggest eyes, and right behind them stood Jon,,,who turns out didnt know... so leading me to the most uncomfortable moment OF MY LIFE. it ended with me looking at him quickly saying "ummm sorry buddy" and hauling ass out of there...
my cousin is losing her eyesight and hosts a christmas party every year, that side of the family was offering these weird healthy snacks and kept chuckling about it and I didn't get why. I asked my cousin and she just said "they just look weird, that's why it's funny" I replied "they're actually nice though try one, do a blind taste".... happened to be the loudest part of the sentence and silence fell on the room.
Tables can turn. I was homeless before, this video really upsets me deep in my soul. May god bless that poor woman and let us pray she can get back on her feet.
So I walked in to this gas station to pay for the pump after I filled up my car. As I'm standing at the register paying for my gas, the cashier looks at me and says, "Are you sure that's all you want? No candy or soda?" And instead of saying, "No, that's fine, thanks." I just laugh at him and say, "Maybe I ever come back!" as I waltz out the door...
I work at a fast food restaurant (ugh, I know...) and my shift was over, but trying to stop customers before they order is kind of hard if you're trying to put money away and hang receipts up, etc. So I told the next customer, "Sorry, someone else will take your order in a moment, I'm about to get off". =____=;; I hope he didn't take it the sexual way.
My friend texted me about how he was slipping back into anorexia/bulimia and my immediate response was 'awwwh im so sorry! Brb gotta get a snack' and as soon as i sent it i just thought 'oh fuck that was bad'
me and a few of my friends were in class talking and i was just being silly, teasing one of my friends Leanna, and then she told me to stop so i said "sorry lee" (short for Leanna) she gave a firm sharp look and said "do not call me lee" So me being the joker said "why not lee, you okay lee? etc.." thinking there would be some girly reason behind it. After class her best friend came up to me and said dont ever call her lee, it was her brothers name but he died two years ago. I WANTED TO DIE.
sophomore year of college me and my roommate got addicted to minesweeper. which is bad/embarrassing enough as it is.
one day, as i was trying to explain the strength of this addiction to my Dad, i said, "it was so bad, i even snuck out of kyle's bed in the morning to play it"
...kyle being the name of my boyfriend. whom he did not know about; nor known we had been having "sleep overs"...awkward silence.
My aunt was sitting in Washington D.C. (where she lives) next to a woman on the metro. They get to talking and my aunt looks down at the woman's newspaper and sees a story about them firing the manager of the National Zoo and she, looking to create small talk, says "wow, that woman just sounds so awful!"
The woman turns to my aunt and says "I am that woman."
not word vomit, but still uncomfortable: One time I was out downtown with my friends for a going away party. a lot of the homeless people know that people have cash on them for cover charges, etc. so they come up to you asking for money. one woman came up to me so I gave her $3, and she hugged me and pretty much started crying. so I just stood there and my friends watched silently while this woman clang onto me. i felt bad/good/awkward at the same time.
My boyfriend's mom got his sister an iPhone and didn't tell their dad... on a normal day he wouldn't mind that she got an iPhone, but he was in a really foul mood that day, so they decided to just wait till the next day to tell him. I was over for supper, and there was a lull in the conversation, so I piped up "HEY! SO how do you like your new iPhone!!?" Everyone looked at me and gave me the "shut up!" face, but thankfully my bf's dad was too engrossed in the hockey game on TV to care!
My aunt is from Korea. She has a pretty strong accent, and if you aren't around her a lot it's hard to tell what she's saying. I swear, like TWENTY times she asked me to pass her a "pork". She was cooking, so I was looking for pork. My cousin finally stepped in a grabbed a fork for me. He said "God Mary can't you speak English?!" and I meant to say "I can!!", defending myself, but instead I said "*I* can", like I was insulting her. I WANTED TO CRAWL INTO A HOLE AND DIE. I love you aunt dok:(
a few years ago my friend steve's sister nicole died. he was in my grade and she was two years older, went to the same all girls highschool as me. the summer after she died, i and a bunch of my friends including steve were on the beach and i noticed he had my highschool's class ring on a chain around his neck. without thinking i asked whose ring it was. I realized as the word vomit came spilling out and wished there was someway to take it back! it was his sister, nicole's ring. soo awkward!!! :(
My Mom announced to my Dad that my Grandma (her Mom) had had another heart attack. His response ? "That's funny." Because obviously he couldn't say "weird" or "strange" or "odd" instead.
I was walking in the downtown area near my house last year with a friend. We went into a thrift store and the lady at the register was super disturbing-looking. I'm not one to judge people, usually, but I kind of jumped when I saw her. Anyways, we were leaving and I said to my friend, "Man, that woman at the register looked like the old hag from Snow White." Turned around... she had followed us out to take a smoke break.... and she heard me.
obviously, if you're the kind of person who ever say something like that, you are one to judge. if she hadn't had been there, it wouldn't have mattered at all to you that you said it. and it's not like you said it without thinking or by accident.
@310BPM You act like I'm the only one who does it. But go on, spread your self-righteous sentiment on every comment. You seem to be making a lot of new friends on this video. Oh, and thanks. I'll make sure to take what you say heart. I'd really hate for you to have to "shake your head" again.
I'm a waitress at a restaurant that gets a ton of older people, many of which are cranky for no apparent reason. The worst is when it's 8 in the morning. What could have possibly made your day so horrible already? I digress. This cranky old woman gave me hell the whole time she was eating. As she was leaving I told her "Enjoy what's left of your night!" She turned around to me and said "EXCUSE ME!? Did you just tell me to enjoy what's left of my life?!" Needless to say, I didn't get a tip.
Two friends of mine are dating. I went over to see their new place. One of them asked what I felt about the bedroom, and in front of the two, I said 'This corner has no flow; it's just so dead" She pointed to the picture of his dead mother and the urn of her dead son.
Once my Mom was catching up with her old neighbor that she had just bumped into. She asked how I was doing and having exams soon my Mom naturally said "These days she works like a nigger !" Of course, this woman was black.
@310BPM The thing is, she's not even a racist ! That's still not a reason to use the n-word, but it's an expression that she's always used without really thinking about its meaning, just like when people say "it's gay" you know ? In french the equivalent of "nigger" is less offensive than in English, even if it still is from what I've heard it's less shocking for some reason ... Anyway I don't think she'll ever say it anymore.
One time, I bet the boy I liked that if he beat me in Tap Tap Revenge that I would have to tell him who I liked. I never thought to lie. We're not friends anymore...
there was one day where my mum was making this really good pot roast for dinner. My friend Phyllis turned to me and said " I think we have to watch a video of a lady giving birth tomorrow in Sex Ed. I replied " that sounds delicious"
My mum and I were approached by a woman who supposedly knew my mum. After she left, I asked my mother who she was and she said she had no idea. But what was bad was that when they were chatting, my mum said to her "Awww, how long have you been pregnant?!!" and the woman replied, rather bluntly with "I'm not. I'm just fat." and walked away. And honestly, my mother does it quite often, it's just awkward.
Once at work I had to move some boxes and stupidly I was moving them one by one. So this girl tells me "Why don't you take a couple at a time, it'll be faster".. Jokingly I said "Idk, I'm retarded" As I was walking away I felt so ashamed because I remembered that she attends a special school because she isn't "fully there". soo yeah felt pretty crappy after that.
One year I was at Christmas eve mass (before it started) and this 8yr old kid a few seats down from me was making really gross noises.Like, burping and retching and slurping and gurgling and gulping and it was really gross.I was trying to distract myself so I turn to my mom and start talking to my mom about my science project. On Autism. Sorry autistic kid's mother if I embarrassed you.
All the time.
fanmania8 1 hour ago
Accidentally (jokingly) calling someone a whore, two feet away from my professor's young children. That was a fun night.
Mikey9211 2 days ago
my ex girlfriend got knocked up 3 months after we broke up, (side note: she was my willing beard to throw my parents off the gay trail), my parents asked me half jokingly if it was my kid, to which i responded: "If i ever knock up somebody, call CNN cause most men can't get pregnant no matter how hard i try." coincidentally, also my coming out story, completely on fucking accident... just a horribly miss timed blurt...
supalah19 2 weeks ago in playlist Must Watch Videos 13
Moron I don't like anyway: I value being good-looking over being smart.
Me: Too bad you're neither.
Moron: *doesn't hear me*
Me: thank you jesus
similispastor 3 weeks ago
Oh god. SF and Berkeley homeless are pretty aggressive...I've been called a bitch and quite a few other names for simply not carrying change/cash on hand. No harm no foul however.
lefthandedlove 1 month ago
oh sweet jesus...though yes, you will be going to hell for that, I hate to admit I may be there with you as I too have made such word vomit before. it happens. especially in awkward settings. as much as we strive to make the awkward less so, we inevitably progress & produce further social ostracism. hang in their my unintentional offender...your bigotry-level degradation can find solace in the arms of a supportive network of fellow word vomitters.
socialservices811 1 month ago
That's okay, she probably just wanted drugs.
:)
VintageAviators 1 month ago
I made a joke about eating grandmothers, in order to cheer my friend up.
Why was she upset?
Her grandmother had just died.
._________.;
sadisticdinner 1 month ago in playlist Must Watch Videos 7
My mom, grandma and i were playing pool. i said to my grandma,"you'd have to be epileptic to miss this shot." the lady next to us was epileptic and boy did she let me know it.
45Girl56 1 month ago 7
One time at Walmart my mom had me bag our items. I guess my bagging wasnt good enough because my mom teased me saying that I would never get a job here. Without thinking I laugh and say I would never work at Walmart so dont worry. The horror on the poor Walmart worker broke my heart and I wanted to shoot myself in the foot after that.
Fluteplayinghuru285 1 month ago 5
mine is similar to yours. after about two hungry hours in the holocaust museum (the one in melbourne, not dc, cos im australian) where i wasnt allowed to eat, we finally left. only a few steps out of the museum, i pulled out a sandwich that i had taken and said way too loudly "uh! i am starving!!" im pretty sure the guys from the museum all heard me (from memory, two of them were holocaust survivors). it was soooooo bad
phurjuzt 1 month ago
"I am just... SO. FULL..." whoops.
sahkanoodo 1 month ago
Friend: "She is Norwegian" Me: "Where is Norwegia?"
Me: "What language do they speak in Greece?"
0jordyn0 1 month ago in playlist Must Watch Videos
Just yesterday I was commenting to a friend about our professor. Not seeing her, I told my friend she is a bitchy person. One minute later, I realize she's sitting less one foot away from where I was having my conversation. My professor heard everything. I did this a few years back to my high school teacher, too.
stensal 1 month ago
I was talking to my boyfriend at school (about 30 mins after school got out) and I heard a cough from behind me. Thinking it was one of his friends who hates it when we act like a couple, I turned around and said "get a life" (my usual response to their usual "get a room") . My world civ teacher just looked at me confused and said "excuse me?". Fortunately that teacher has a sense of humor...
RockIsTheWord 1 month ago
MY friend thinks you and Jenna Marbles would make cute gaybies!!!
darkpop87 1 month ago
Well I called my teacher mom once.. That was awkward
HELLOLOVEBYE 1 month ago 7
i feal so bad for the home less people
melaniepires101 1 month ago in playlist Must Watch Videos
I told my Christian friend that I hate God.... We don't talk anymore.
tearupthisbook 1 month ago 5
@tearupthisbook Good for you.
xtacee1990 1 month ago
So my mom was telling me something tht her boss did and I'm like fucking bitch ND then I'm like o shit
justinbiebr247 1 month ago
So, my friend and I were discussing what we wanted for some late night snacks....
Me: "I'm craving some Sonic cheese dicks....."
I have never blushed so much in my life...
jlew867 1 month ago
In art, i was carving some styrofoam and i look up at my friend Justine, and i was like "I hate my job." Serious as a heart attack. She looks at me and she says, "Courtney, you dont have a job..." Then i remembered, i do not, in fact, have a job. Somehow, my overly day-dreamy mind concocted that i had a job... that i hated. :/ My life is so sad.
45Girl56 1 month ago 4
@45Girl56 BAHAHAHAHAHA!
DizzyDior12 1 month ago
i obliviously sat down next to my friend and her boyfriend (they were probably cuddling or something) and then suddenly my friend left cause her ride was there and i was sitting alone with the boyfriend and i panicked and was like "let's play i spy" and he was like "...i can't see anything cause im not wearing my glasses" and then i was like "oh" and then he left....O.o
snarfblat23 1 month ago
one time i accidently blabbed to my parents that my sister was pregnant at the dinner table when all my relatives were around
XgunnaBfamousX 1 month ago
One time I was at a diner with my parents. The waitress that was waiting on us kind of talked in a whispered tone. My dad, being my dad goes "Oh do you have a cold? you sound kind of horse" Turns out the waitress was in a car crash that damaged her vocal chords so she couldnt speak any louder than a whisper. Most. Embarrising. Moment. of. my. life.
jgumfreak 1 month ago
i happened to be sitting next to a gay couple one night when i was out to dinner with my friends, and we were talking about how cute they were in like hushed tones to avoid them hearing us, but then when my one friend got her food she mixed up saying "good" and "great" and said "omg this food is SO. GAY" it was a little awks
eMmsx95 1 month ago
Lmao
AllDayEveryDayImLmao 1 month ago
One time I was on the phone with my ex boyfriend and we were just talking about random stuff and since he's catholic he went to a catholic school in elementary school and the schools name is st francis. He was talking about it and without thinking I said "I hate people from st francis" *face palm*
KILLERCUPCAKE96 2 months ago
Someone had been talking during my choir class in high school, and our choir teacher got enraged and started yelling "WHO IS TALKING?! WHO IS TALKING?!"
And me, always being the one to misread the situation, and thinking that he was just asking "Who should be the only one talking?" in an angry way, slowly raised my hand to answer him. He sees me and loudly says, "Who was talking?" And I answer, "You were."
He hated me from that day forward.
DanWCloud 2 months ago 2
annotation says like, but points to dislike button.
CoolStoryBrewskii 2 months ago
i hav the exact same problem. except i dont brag to HOMELESS PEOPLE.
superpinklexi 2 months ago
I was standing with my friends, and a lady walked by, they asked me if that was my mom.. i said no, my mom's fat! they just stared at me like "wtff."
FingersxCrossedx 2 months ago in playlist More videos from tyleroakley
mine was horrible. one time in math class my asian guy friend was like "dude.. try to say ping pong in your best asian accent" which i did, and it was really funny, so ill still do it randomly sometimes. well one time i was walking with my aunt and i said it, and then i look over and RIGHT next to us is an asian couple sitting on a park bench. dear lord XD
sodapopaudge 2 months ago
omgosh yess! one of my male acquaintances had just told me how his grandmother had passed and a couple of days later we were joking around and I called him fugly and he replied, "yo mama" jokingly and without thinking my stupid self yelled out " your grandma" included with snaps and neck rolls and all.. It wasn't until he looked like he was going to cry where I fell to my knees and started apologizing.. I really need a filter..
GrimBallerina 2 months ago
Once I was eating lunch with this girl that i didn't really know that well, I didn't know what to do to fill the awkward silence, so I started talking about my hatred of spoons, even though I have nothing against spoons.
Also once this blonde girl was complaining to me about dumb blonde jokes and I said "Well, not all blonde people are dumb, but all dumb people are blonde." Which I didn't mean. And then this blonde girl who was passing by said "but you're not blonde"
I guess I deserved that.
tresmagnifique96 2 months ago
oh god.... my LIFE is a word-vomit.
PhsychoSox45 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos
One time I told a "yo mamma" joke to a girl who's mom had died. I did not know this, and as soon as I had said the joke she tearfully informed me of her mom. I legit started crying and gave her a huge hug and acted super awkward, which I'm sure only made things worse. =/
AlexTheBalex 2 months ago
Happy Giftmas!
SculptedThoughts 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos
i was over at a friend's grandma's house and i had pointed to a golden jar and said 'is that an egg?' The grandma responded with ' oh that's papa'. Turned out to be the holder of her dead husbands ashes.
CantStandItt 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos
all the time .. but somehow I get away with it
takeyoudownxxx 2 months ago
I was watching Degrassi with my friends and one of them had a suicide in her family many years ago. This one character on the show was acting very unnecessarily depressed and suddenly left the school dance, and MY DUMB ASS SELF SAID "Oh god is she going to go kill herself?". AND AS I WAS SAYING IT I JUST KNEW I SHOULDNT, BUT THE BRAIN WAVES WERE ALREADY MOVING MY MOUTH TO MAKE THE WORDS, AND I COULDNT STOP, AND I WAS JUST SCREAMING "NOOOOOOO" INTERNALLY THE WHOLE TIME.
TRIUMPHANTBITCH 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos
In my second year of college, my friends and I decided to give out free hugs in Union Square (NYC) because we were bored and thought it would be a nice way to brighten a day (Luckily it was rush hour). So as I'm waiting for a hug, a homeless man comes up for a free hug....
Of course in my head I was like "ew". And without really thinking I just blurted out - "I'm good" and walked away. -___-
P.S. My friend gave him a hug.
FTNY10 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos 7
uhm ready for this one?!
i was in line for a dressing room at american eagle
this guy working there puts me in one and to be polite he says:
"oh sorry the light is out in this one is that okay, do you want to wait for another?"
I didn't care I just wanted to get in there and try my clothes on - and without thinking and rushing the convo I come up with: "no it's okay - i look better in the dark"
yea. my life.
PurpleFlower56 2 months ago 12
One time my cousin and I were walking out of a baseball game and there was a man playing the saxophone. We had extra popcorn so I was like, I'll give it to that man. I didn't think he was homeless, obviously, because he owns a saxophone and was decently dressed but I figured that everyone loves popcorn. So I walk over and offer it to me and he shouts: "I'm not homeless and I'm not hungry, I'm just playing my music". It was really embarrassing...
marissagrace23 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos
One time, I was sitting with my friend Christi, and a group of her friends at lunch. Which included one really nice girl named Nicole, who also happened to be morbidly obese. I went to sit down next to my friend, when I said the stupidest thing without thinking... "Ugh! I don't want to sit next to fatty!" You see, 'Fatty' was my nickname for Christi, but you can see how it came across...
'Fatty' was my entering nic
Apollochan 2 months ago
In highschool, I was president of my jazz choir and my choral teacher told me that he was going to be putting up practice material on his site within the next few days.When they were put up he wanted me to tell the members of the choir. The next day, in front of my entire class, he told me that he put the links up only for me to respond "Oh You were able to get it up quickly! Good Boy!" With the perverted minds of high school students, the room brokeinto laughter leaving me feeling so awkward...
mariexox15 2 months ago 3
I was at Aldi and the person handed me a bag. I was confused because it was my first time there, and I just say "What the fuck is this? Am I supposed to fucking bag my own shit? You take that bag and you fucking bag it bitch." And then the lady replied "Bitch, here you bag your own. Now go over to that counter and bag it."
iPodTouch1080 2 months ago
Comment removed
bandblue09 2 months ago
I said to a friend "gving flowers is such a gay present" in front of a flower shop and a guy came out of the store with a bouquet and gave me the finger. One day I asked a class mate "if she had a cold cause her nose was way red" and she got up and ran to the bathroom crying... she broke up with her bf. I do it all the time, I just mean no harm :P
cachogarayba 2 months ago
oooh this made me laugh so much ! I could have done the same thing... actually I remember one time when I was younger, I had dinner at a friend of my parents house, and there was some ice cream for desert. I before I took some I asked my mom: "is it good?" right in front of her friend who had invited us. It was so rude...
patafoinification 2 months ago
Well, Tyler, this was obviously your roommate's fault, so don't feel bad.
Wiiinfinity 2 months ago
In eighth grade I went to my crushes football game. He went up to me after it was over to say hi since I'd gone and we stood there as awkward 13 year olds. Trying to make conversation the first thing I said was "You lost. O.O I'm sorry." he nodded and walked away.
purplepolkadots3 2 months ago
One day i went out to lunch with a couple of friends and we were talking about what we were going to be for halloween. My friends said a couple of ideas, then i said (really loud) "we should dress up like the KKK" and the black guy in front of me turns around and says "you should." then he walked away. i felt really bad. /:
karrz04 2 months ago
I love you so much
Dancenter4 2 months ago
lol
CaptainForest2 2 months ago
i work at starbucks and we have a regular that comes in who's in a wheelchair. we all love him and i was off early one day so i went and sat with him for a few minutes at the table before i left. we were busy on the floor that day and the first thing i said was "wow, my legs hurt. i'm so happy to finally sit down". awful!
haner 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos 4
A friend of mine invited me to stay in her house when we were younger, so I was like 'Sure, is it okay with your mom?' .... somehow it had completely slipped my mind that her mom had died three years before.
PoppyHydromatic 2 months ago 3
A black friend and I were at a language seminar learning to say some basic words in Chinese and this kid was picked to demonstrate how to say all the words. He said them all very fluently and quickly and my friend was like, "damn, I could never say the words like that." and I replied, "it's because we're white." BUT WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS BECAUSE WE'RE NOT CHINESE/CAN'T SPEAK IT so...yeah...awkward...
Ramen87x 2 months ago 4
Comment removed
Ramen87x 2 months ago
I turned to my roommate and said, without thinking, "It's a slow night on tumblr." Oh god, as soon as it left my mouth, the shame set in.
stagemanager28 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos 6
One of my friends (a girl) said "You can suck my dick" to another one of my friends (another girl), as a joke.
To which the other friend responded without thinking (and without meaning it to sound like it did) "I would if I could."
Needless to say we almost pissed ourselves with laughter.
rabesloganpogan 2 months ago 4
I died. Hilarious.
fugue10 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos
One time a guy kissed the top of my head and afterwords I asked him if my hair tasted alright. I regret that comment to this day.
sopranosmile 2 months ago in playlist More videos from tyleroakley 12
just today. i get so many stupid kids wearing those 'i heart boobies' bracelets, and i know that they bought those not for the reason that they are meant for. Anyway, a friend of my bf's has a bracelet like that and i looked at it and said 'thank you for supporting the fight against Breast Cancer. though I know thats not why you bought it' KNOWING that his mom died from that... ugh... as i was speaking i almost cried, then said 'at least thats not y i would buy it, i really do love boobies' WHY?
VivaLaVieBoheme49 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos
I love the san fran hobos. They were one of my highlights of my holiday a few years ago.x
147mcrfan147 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos
One time my band teacher was out, so i volunteered to conduct, and when my best friend moved in front of my chair, I said "Oh cool, now I cant see half the band." I felt terrible! She knows i didnt mean it though, and she really isnt fat, shes just really tall and the trumpet section are all really short!
Oh man. My guy friends still joke about it. xD
CupcakeFanatic98 2 months ago
Everytime I talk about how badly I hate cankles, there is ALWAYS someone with exposed cankles who overhears me...
jmsommerr 2 months ago
You always look full in your videos.
greyk2 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos 89
@greyk2 RUDE.
tyleroakley 2 months ago 235
@tyleroakley @greyk2 GAWD I miss you two! Please do a collab vid at some point in the near future, about something, anything. Don't even care if it's 30 seconds long!
bobertdos 1 month ago
@tyleroakley Rude? he says that's when you know you're fat video so hun stop~
NinjaFruitify 1 day ago
@greyk2 NO-ONE LIKE THIS. IT HAS 69 LIKES. xD
MsStandardAngel 1 month ago
You're sick.
Walker474747 2 months ago
I asked my grandma how my grandpa was doing... he's been dead 6 years. But she replied with a smile on her face, "He's doing well."
ktgreeeno 2 months ago 9
I subscribed to your channel during the P4A livestream and this is the first video I watched... I love it. You are so funny (:
stumbledintodark 2 months ago
My friend was once saying that my other, taller friend wanted to get her fat so she could have her clothes. I was so confused, and I just said "But they still would't fit..." and I realized I made it sound like my other friend was fat. I felt SO bad.
MsMoiraBeth 2 months ago
In my Spanish class, this girl I don't know that well was sitting by me and asking for my help as she often did and after I had helped her, she did the usual "You're so smart, I wish I was smart but I'm stupid," thing, and I, who had heard this many times already and had tuned out, didn't realize what I was saying and said, "You're not that stupid..."
Way to sound condescending. Whoops...
ninjapagli 2 months ago
So once I was sitting awkwardly my friend's bro at a party and it was super awkward bc it was one of those whoops I'm accidentally alone with you, how did that happen kind of moments. I was searching for anything at all to say to make conversation bc I'm so bad at stuff like that, so, even though I realized what I was saying while it was coming out of my mouth, I said, "What happened to your face?" Turns out he just had acne and that poor kid's face absolutely crumpled. It looked like an injury!
MzPhinny 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos
One time, I was talking to a woman I barely knew, so I didn't know she was pregnant. She told me she had a birthday coming up. I said "Wooo, fun!" and then she went OFF about how "I'm having a child and there's no reason to celebrate me getting older and this is not a cause for celebration." She ended with "What's so great about my birthday anyway?" My stunned silence lasted for about 4 seconds before I ended the conversation with "Birthday cake?"
She wasn't happy.
starghos4 2 months ago 2
This has been flagged as spam show
"Those Nazi crossing guards drive me insane!" I said this to my German exchange student. Ich bin ein Miststück! (I am a bitch!)
Sobit21 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos
Comment removed
Sobit21 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos
ur the best dude
littlebabyfeet1 2 months ago
i love u soo much lol
littlebabyfeet1 2 months ago
While talking to a hot customer at work, he tells me he's on his way home from work and asks how I'm doing. I respond with, "Fine. I'm just about to get off..." I see my manager smirk in the corner of my eye. "... WORK!" I blurt out, horrified.
backstagedriver 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos
While in line at a local coffee shop, my friend asked me if I had tried the Hummus, to which I replied, "I like hummus homemade by other people." (because I knew their hummus was homemade.) Well the owner happened to be walking by and said to me, "Our hummus IS homemade." Without trying to be rude, the words just escaped from my mouth, "Oh no, you miss heard I said homemade by OTHER people."
I will be on the bus to hell now...one ticket please :-(
wickedSwinger13 2 months ago 4
Comment removed
noelleoleol97 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos
way to make light of the homeless in so many trivially unfunny ways folks.
gothicseed 2 months ago
Well my BFF takes things REALLY personal and we were talking bout people being rude and it reminded me I wanted 2tell her that she was being rude the other day so I say hey the other day I felt like u were being really rude and now she won't talk to me!!!!!!!
mormor1245 2 months ago
@mormor1245 It sounds like she is a little dramatic, at;east you were being honest and communicating with her about your feelings. You can't control how other people act though, and you can't control how other people will react to the things you say.
Meliasaurus 2 months ago
I do this all the time, but the most humorous instance I can think of is about my friend Savannah. She is talking to me and her cousin Shelby, and she Is talking about how Shelby is exactly like another cousin, Mackenzie. Then Savannah says 'Mackenzie can be such a bitch.' As she said it, her eyes got huge as she realized what she was implying.
paginatheawesome 2 months ago
I was in my literacy class and my teacher is white. He says that his sisters boyfriend isn't a Canadian citizen because he wasn't born in Canada. I ask were his sister boyfriend is from and he says a Caribbean place I can't remember the name. So i say her " oh her boyfriend is black" and he says "yes interracial relationships" it was really funny though me and him started to laugh, but I probably shouldn't have have said that still..... Oops my bad Lol :)
popple131 2 months ago
Thank you Tyler for being one of the guys who are still active after 5AG, still makes me smile whenever a video from you pop up :) Not to put my nose where it does not belong, but how is Steve If you still have contact with him?
ErikReinholdtHansen 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos
it was my 90 year old grandmothers birthday and i was left in charge of giving a toast to her it was nice until at the end of it i said enjoy your birthday it may be your last.
MsCoolkid16 2 months ago 8
randomly at times when things get awkward in the middle of conversations, i say, "so did I tell you I'm black?" ....it generates questions and a completely false story about how i'm black even though I'm not.
itsdeee28 2 months ago
One time when I was drunk on a night out, I gave a homeless man 20p and told him not to spend it all at once
stepheneilc 2 months ago
Today I watched all 176 Tyler Oakley videos. Guys, I think I have a problem.
ItalianBeech888 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos 4
I used to work in Oakland and got hit up for money all the time.. I had been harassed by this one crack head one too many times, one day I'm on my lunch break with a friend and I'm trying to listen to a voice mail ....this guy sees I'm trying to hear my crappy phone and keeps talking to me then he reached over the shopping carts that were between us and touched me!!!! I lost it!! I yelled at him "Don't you ever fucking touch me!" I don't remember what else I said but he never did bother me again
MyFlipperLikesIce 2 months ago
I literally LOL'd
videomaker1289 2 months ago
Merry Christmas FOREVER
48073419900127 2 months ago
just everything i say! i am an embarrassment to society! *sigh*
paperpie121x 2 months ago
A while ago a homeless woman came up to me on the street and asked for money for dinner, and I replied, "I don't have any money to spare, I'm still broke from the last cruze I went on." and then walked away.
TheBengals598 2 months ago 2
The other day I opened a Christmas gift that was in a huge box. My cat went over to sniff it and play in it, and my mum goes "She likes your package."
When my friend Sarah was little, her mum and my mum went to go eat at Friendly's. She was drawing with the crayons in the crayon pail, and loudly yelled "THERE ARE TOO MANY BLACKS IN HERE!" Of course the Friendly's was mostly occupied by African Americans at the time. Her mother was so embarrassed.
ElizabethAdventures 2 months ago 2
sometimes it's what you DON'T say... one time in a hotel room, my friends and I were getting in bed, but one girl decided she wanted to try on outfits for the next day, and she pulled the "guys, I'm so fat!" line. AND NONE OF US RESPONDED. Not because she's fat, but because we were trying to go to sleep and didn't really register it. I don't think she was too crushed, and we laughed about it later, but man, it could have turned ugly.
jamimarie21 2 months ago
Once, I was holding signs for the override in my town and I was holding my coffee and a sign. So, anyway, It was dificult to hold the sign with one hand and I said to my friend "Keily! It's like I only have one aaarm!" Of course, to my other side, there stood a girl with one arm.
anniechocolate123 2 months ago 82
ha how about ever single time i've said "i love you too"
PotterPrincess007 2 months ago
So we were at a dance where we all had to sign in, and there was this girl waiting for her date. She kept asking if she should just sign her boyfriend in and I was like, "You know, you probably shouldn't, just in case he doesn't show up." The best part was I didn't even realize how awful that was until after the dance was over.
veridico77 2 months ago
Comment removed
LoveLocked101 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos
There was once my sister was looking at her reflection in my mirror, only a few minutes after telling my mom how much skinnier I am than her (I'm not even a nice slim-fit skinny, she was only making comparison to herself because she finds herself fat when her figure looks perfect) and I said to her, "Oh, this mirror makes your legs look smaller."
After I said it, I realised how wrong it sounded. I only said it because it makes ANYONE'S legs look smaller. D:
GETintohisjeanns 2 months ago
Search "Christmas Laser Beam Cats" in youtube. seriously.
masterfulmeow 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos
my 6th grade teacher used to through bagel parties every few months. while we were studying babylon i looked up at him and asked if we were going to have another baby. meant to say bagel. but i went for the two syllable b word that was in front of me.
mmcannon1 2 months ago
omg last year. my boyfriends mother died in a car crash, and his little brother was dying in the hospital. so we were at the hospital. i hadnt slept in two days, i was drunk when we heard the news. i was going to get a coffee. my ex yells out to me down the hall "dont drink all the machine"
omg i said the worst response ever....... "your mom". immediately i slapped my hand over my mouth. i totally forgot she died and it was our little habit joke! luckily enough, i don think he heard it. but omg
giggleweed 2 months ago
Yeah. One time my roommate came into the room crying and she said "i could kill myself." I looked up from the computer and said "not today..my show is on and I don't need the drama."
I felt horrible after i said it=(
RasberrySage 2 months ago
One time a homeless man said to me: "Christ loves you." To which I reply without really thinking or caring: "Not you. cause you're homeless." And I walked away.
vampirekid666 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos 54
@vampirekid666 HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA (not)
gothicseed 2 months ago
@vampirekid666 You're horrible.
aweingalliterations 2 months ago
@310BPM I know, I know :( I didn't mean it in an offensive way! It just slipped out!!!!
cassidykisses26 2 months ago
yes lots of times i swear that john mayer song my stupid mouth is about me i always have my foot in my mouth
jsweet83 2 months ago
I was playing cards with a group of friends, and I was gloating to my friend like "LAST CAARD" and she had like half the deck. So, she say's to me "'Cause you suck!" and I replied "Oh, yeah, cause I sucked my way to the top!".
VanessaSafiya 2 months ago
"Have I ever said something before I thought it through?"
Oh, Tyler. Every day, my friend. Every day.
My favorite example was when I asked one of my best friends about how her "scoop of the week" was going...referring, of course, to her boyfriend.
Hey...it's not my fault she just happened to go through boyfriends like most people go through napkins.
cheezbdabomb 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos
when i get in a hurry, i mix up some letters in words or forget some completely. we were doing a study game in history where you have to write down your answers on a white board, and i held mine up and everyone made fun of how i misspelled some guy's name. i said 'Whoops, went a little dyslexic" the 2 people sitting next to me were both dyslexic. they spelled it right.
This dyslexic thing has happened about 3 times, once with my best friends dyslexic mother.
dogluverdanny 2 months ago
I have such a habit of trying to compliment someone but it ends up sounding really mean. Like one time I was talking to my friend and her hair looked pretty good that day. So I said, "Your hair looks good. Better than it normally does."
purplepenguin09 2 months ago
the WORST time was when my friend came to town for his sisters funeral..
(she shot herself..)
We were riding in my car and he made a comment on my shirt being lowcut
I looked over winked, followed by handgun gesture and clicking of the tongue
LATER
he wanted something sweet so i suggested gelato
RYAN:ive never had it before. is it good?
ME: oh its too die for!
...im an idiot.
imelizabethgaytan 2 months ago 5
as a joke, a girl in my class told me i look like a prairie dog. trying to come up with a quick funny response i said she looks like a blow fish............ she's fat in real life. oops.
NJloverforlife 2 months ago
I work in a porn store and I was medicated and tired and I couldnt articulate what this stuff was supposed to do so I finally just lean on the counter and said "It makes your puss very happy"... *le horror* she thought it was hilarious though. She actually came back in a couple days ago and mentioned how she'll never forget me. Which was another tired/ my meds are messing up again and I ended up asking her bf how on earth his penis must feel since she hated the real feel toys. lmao. So yea :)
Anaprince 2 months ago
Me & my best friend got into a fight & at one point I'm like "....fake ass highlighted hair..."!
partygirl2013 2 months ago
almost told my parents i had a dildo xD
CorderoPedro 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos
At least you were honest about it!
svtrag 2 months ago
In the 7th grade we did an activity where we had to do color matching, and at the end of class, we had to put the tablets into their respected containers by color. There was a boy who kept asking "Is this considered pink? Is this purple? This is red, right?" It had been a long day I guess, and I was in a foul mood, and I blurted out, "Are you color blind?" HE. WAS.
rewinderr 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos 2
I was in my school cafeteria when I saw my friends all whispering in a corner, so (due to my obnoxiousness) I ran up to them yelling "what are we talking about how Ashley is breaking up with Jon?"- everyone looks at my with the biggest eyes, and right behind them stood Jon,,,who turns out didnt know... so leading me to the most uncomfortable moment OF MY LIFE. it ended with me looking at him quickly saying "ummm sorry buddy" and hauling ass out of there...
sthalligan 2 months ago
my cousin is losing her eyesight and hosts a christmas party every year, that side of the family was offering these weird healthy snacks and kept chuckling about it and I didn't get why. I asked my cousin and she just said "they just look weird, that's why it's funny" I replied "they're actually nice though try one, do a blind taste".... happened to be the loudest part of the sentence and silence fell on the room.
MrTwentington 2 months ago
Tables can turn. I was homeless before, this video really upsets me deep in my soul. May god bless that poor woman and let us pray she can get back on her feet.
Walker474747 2 months ago 2
So I walked in to this gas station to pay for the pump after I filled up my car. As I'm standing at the register paying for my gas, the cashier looks at me and says, "Are you sure that's all you want? No candy or soda?" And instead of saying, "No, that's fine, thanks." I just laugh at him and say, "Maybe I ever come back!" as I waltz out the door...
LetsTanInJapan 2 months ago
I thought you were going to say that you told her about something expensive you got for Christmas...
laurajsguitar 2 months ago
I work at a fast food restaurant (ugh, I know...) and my shift was over, but trying to stop customers before they order is kind of hard if you're trying to put money away and hang receipts up, etc. So I told the next customer, "Sorry, someone else will take your order in a moment, I'm about to get off". =____=;; I hope he didn't take it the sexual way.
BearsGoBang 2 months ago
My friend texted me about how he was slipping back into anorexia/bulimia and my immediate response was 'awwwh im so sorry! Brb gotta get a snack' and as soon as i sent it i just thought 'oh fuck that was bad'
aj8910 2 months ago
me and a few of my friends were in class talking and i was just being silly, teasing one of my friends Leanna, and then she told me to stop so i said "sorry lee" (short for Leanna) she gave a firm sharp look and said "do not call me lee" So me being the joker said "why not lee, you okay lee? etc.." thinking there would be some girly reason behind it. After class her best friend came up to me and said dont ever call her lee, it was her brothers name but he died two years ago. I WANTED TO DIE.
oifackingoi 2 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
sophomore year of college me and my roommate got addicted to minesweeper. which is bad/embarrassing enough as it is.
one day, as i was trying to explain the strength of this addiction to my Dad, i said, "it was so bad, i even snuck out of kyle's bed in the morning to play it"
...kyle being the name of my boyfriend. whom he did not know about; nor known we had been having "sleep overs"...awkward silence.
HelloLoverXX 2 months ago
My aunt was sitting in Washington D.C. (where she lives) next to a woman on the metro. They get to talking and my aunt looks down at the woman's newspaper and sees a story about them firing the manager of the National Zoo and she, looking to create small talk, says "wow, that woman just sounds so awful!"
The woman turns to my aunt and says "I am that woman."
iAlexis3 2 months ago
There was a whore on Korey's face? :)
doubletakelook 2 months ago
not word vomit, but still uncomfortable: One time I was out downtown with my friends for a going away party. a lot of the homeless people know that people have cash on them for cover charges, etc. so they come up to you asking for money. one woman came up to me so I gave her $3, and she hugged me and pretty much started crying. so I just stood there and my friends watched silently while this woman clang onto me. i felt bad/good/awkward at the same time.
marym2011 2 months ago
My boyfriend's mom got his sister an iPhone and didn't tell their dad... on a normal day he wouldn't mind that she got an iPhone, but he was in a really foul mood that day, so they decided to just wait till the next day to tell him. I was over for supper, and there was a lull in the conversation, so I piped up "HEY! SO how do you like your new iPhone!!?" Everyone looked at me and gave me the "shut up!" face, but thankfully my bf's dad was too engrossed in the hockey game on TV to care!
kristenn07 2 months ago
My aunt is from Korea. She has a pretty strong accent, and if you aren't around her a lot it's hard to tell what she's saying. I swear, like TWENTY times she asked me to pass her a "pork". She was cooking, so I was looking for pork. My cousin finally stepped in a grabbed a fork for me. He said "God Mary can't you speak English?!" and I meant to say "I can!!", defending myself, but instead I said "*I* can", like I was insulting her. I WANTED TO CRAWL INTO A HOLE AND DIE. I love you aunt dok:(
marym2011 2 months ago
a few years ago my friend steve's sister nicole died. he was in my grade and she was two years older, went to the same all girls highschool as me. the summer after she died, i and a bunch of my friends including steve were on the beach and i noticed he had my highschool's class ring on a chain around his neck. without thinking i asked whose ring it was. I realized as the word vomit came spilling out and wished there was someway to take it back! it was his sister, nicole's ring. soo awkward!!! :(
catherine52525 2 months ago
My Mom announced to my Dad that my Grandma (her Mom) had had another heart attack. His response ? "That's funny." Because obviously he couldn't say "weird" or "strange" or "odd" instead.
m3li554x3 2 months ago
I was walking in the downtown area near my house last year with a friend. We went into a thrift store and the lady at the register was super disturbing-looking. I'm not one to judge people, usually, but I kind of jumped when I saw her. Anyways, we were leaving and I said to my friend, "Man, that woman at the register looked like the old hag from Snow White." Turned around... she had followed us out to take a smoke break.... and she heard me.
CarleySW 2 months ago
@CarleySW
yeah, of course you're not one to judge.. smh.
obviously, if you're the kind of person who ever say something like that, you are one to judge. if she hadn't had been there, it wouldn't have mattered at all to you that you said it. and it's not like you said it without thinking or by accident.
310BPM 2 months ago
@310BPM You act like I'm the only one who does it. But go on, spread your self-righteous sentiment on every comment. You seem to be making a lot of new friends on this video. Oh, and thanks. I'll make sure to take what you say heart. I'd really hate for you to have to "shake your head" again.
CarleySW 2 months ago
I'm a waitress at a restaurant that gets a ton of older people, many of which are cranky for no apparent reason. The worst is when it's 8 in the morning. What could have possibly made your day so horrible already? I digress. This cranky old woman gave me hell the whole time she was eating. As she was leaving I told her "Enjoy what's left of your night!" She turned around to me and said "EXCUSE ME!? Did you just tell me to enjoy what's left of my life?!" Needless to say, I didn't get a tip.
hakunamataters 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos 25
Two friends of mine are dating. I went over to see their new place. One of them asked what I felt about the bedroom, and in front of the two, I said 'This corner has no flow; it's just so dead" She pointed to the picture of his dead mother and the urn of her dead son.
Magus777777 2 months ago
Once my Mom was catching up with her old neighbor that she had just bumped into. She asked how I was doing and having exams soon my Mom naturally said "These days she works like a nigger !" Of course, this woman was black.
I love my Mom, but she totally deserved this.
Love from France <3
m3li554x3 2 months ago
@m3li554x3
your mom naturally says the word "nigger"? what exactly the fuck is wrong with her?
310BPM 2 months ago
@310BPM The thing is, she's not even a racist ! That's still not a reason to use the n-word, but it's an expression that she's always used without really thinking about its meaning, just like when people say "it's gay" you know ? In french the equivalent of "nigger" is less offensive than in English, even if it still is from what I've heard it's less shocking for some reason ... Anyway I don't think she'll ever say it anymore.
m3li554x3 2 months ago
@m3li554x3 I mean AGAIN. I don't think she'll ever do it AGAIN.
m3li554x3 2 months ago
@m3li554x3 Thanks and I definitely won't be saying it!
cassidykisses26 2 months ago
One time, I bet the boy I liked that if he beat me in Tap Tap Revenge that I would have to tell him who I liked. I never thought to lie. We're not friends anymore...
joomoo123 2 months ago
there was one day where my mum was making this really good pot roast for dinner. My friend Phyllis turned to me and said " I think we have to watch a video of a lady giving birth tomorrow in Sex Ed. I replied " that sounds delicious"
ThatsKindaGraphic 2 months ago 2
My mum and I were approached by a woman who supposedly knew my mum. After she left, I asked my mother who she was and she said she had no idea. But what was bad was that when they were chatting, my mum said to her "Awww, how long have you been pregnant?!!" and the woman replied, rather bluntly with "I'm not. I'm just fat." and walked away. And honestly, my mother does it quite often, it's just awkward.
MichaelaTHEMoose 2 months ago
Once at work I had to move some boxes and stupidly I was moving them one by one. So this girl tells me "Why don't you take a couple at a time, it'll be faster".. Jokingly I said "Idk, I'm retarded" As I was walking away I felt so ashamed because I remembered that she attends a special school because she isn't "fully there". soo yeah felt pretty crappy after that.
TheSasham010 2 months ago
@TheSasham010
you should always feel ashamed when you use ableist language, not just when you think you've used it with someone who might be differently abled.
310BPM 2 months ago
"How should I know what I think before I hear what I say?" Heard this somewhere, and love it!
Muxel66 2 months ago
such a cutie, yumzz
kylewxy 2 months ago
One year I was at Christmas eve mass (before it started) and this 8yr old kid a few seats down from me was making really gross noises.Like, burping and retching and slurping and gurgling and gulping and it was really gross.I was trying to distract myself so I turn to my mom and start talking to my mom about my science project. On Autism. Sorry autistic kid's mother if I embarrassed you.
MsWasteland101 2 months ago in playlist Must Watch Videos