Bad Boy Fencing Star Implicated In Yet Another Jewel Heist

[rorcon]

"Fencing" also means the practice of knowingly buying stolen goods.

[The222watcher]

"The wetter the better" hahahhaha

[jamieblond1]

I got into Fencing because I'm sick of the corruption in all the other sports. And now this?

It makes me so f 'ing steamed.....I need a cold naked shower now!

[hamstiog]

I hope KFC knows I mute their ad, and read the comments instead, every time...

[tiger101757]

"Poor sad lady" XD

[WyattNyte15]

I love rich people crying...

[blindthrall]

Pretty sure this guy is supposed to be Diabolik, the Italian comic book character.

[lordkomodo123]

Haha I fence and I find this hilarious! Haha

[Cronos844]

epee is better

[Arbiter11723]

@Cronos844 Saber is fun also

[Cronos844]

@Arbiter11723 I've been wanting to do that

[crazymuffin147]

the wetter the better lol

[imabichover9000]

I wonder how much money the onion got for showing the coke logo...

[AJVersatility19]

@imabichover9000 a lot

[ValorUnlimited]

325 people are museum guards.

[underlordgc]

@DreadKing1313 did u already forget the incident 3 and a half years ago with John " No sweat glands" Johnson?

[DreadKing1313]

Does anybody NOT survive the steam room?

[LJAXD]

I wish real life was like this...

[Wisprsinthedrk]

It's amazing what a pro career gets people out of. The jewel heists and scandels are understandable, but good lord no man should be above the law when it comes to exceeding the legal level of epicness.

[WillShakespeare2007]

@TheProject941 Thanks for the information as a director I wondered if there was a way to profit from YouTube. Just so you know Shakespeare was not better spoken if you mean the use of profanities. He used the word cunt or at the time CUT in several plays. He used the word COCK and he also used a great deal of slang and even made up hundreds of new words when he could not find a rhyme or simply felt like it.

[ALPHADESIGNTAMPICO]

Hahahaha, the way they talk! XD OMG! Pure TV Marketing in action! I love how USA people invent words and phrases for saying something instead of saying just as it is! Hahahaha Just priceless!

[benxr2006]

wtf lol

[WillShakespeare2007]

Can somone tell my if this is a TV show? If not how do they pay for it?

[Roploop]

@WillShakespeare2007

lol wow youtube pays them for all the views the get

[WillShakespeare2007]

@Roploop Why are you saying "lol wow"? I am in production and I can tell you that this video would have cost 10's of thousands of dollars even though most of it is green screen. They have about ten actors involved in this one section, half a dozen costumes to hire, countless graphics and several news and photographic mock ups. I just do not see that 118 thousands views are going to pay for all that even with the adverts and coca cola sponsorship.

[Roploop]

@WillShakespeare2007

Do you not have any Idea of how youtube works? The Onion NN have almost 300 videos, and a lot of them have at least a million views or a few hundred thousands. Obviously they get paid more than enough, by youtube, to keep on making videos.

[WillShakespeare2007]

@Roploop Well obviously no I do not understand how you make money from individual hits on YouTube which is why I asked an honest polite question. But thank for being an arrogant fuck - that really helped me understand. Cheers I hope the next time you do not understand the economics of something your bank manager punches you in the face and then laughs at you on the floor - dick head.

[Roploop]

@WillShakespeare2007 Cool story Bro.

[sgtCbb]

@Roploop i get nothing from youtube...

[samauripizzacats101]

@WillShakespeare2007 hey they make be making a lot of money and they may not be. The point is keep clicking get laughs and hope to hell they are making the money they need to keep up the laughs

[something172]

@samauripizzacats101 They don't just have a youtube channel. They have like an actual paper with subscribers and that's where they make their money. The laughs will definately keep coming!

[samauripizzacats101]

@something172 they have an actual paper? I just canceled my subscription to dallas morning news last month so this seems like perfect timing

[NoisemakerArrow]

@samauripizzacats101 They have books as well. I have several of them and they're great.

[piepotatosandturtle2]

i know the onion is fake but i wonder if diet coke really did sponsor them

[FluffyFeralMarmot]

De la Croix is such a dirty fencer, but damn can that boy move! Slap on the wrist then back to the salle...the sport wouldn't be the same without him.

[CultureCunt]

NAZI GOLD!!

[ifrit1780]

This innocent man is obviously not the criminal!

[wilhelm1974]

I dont see the resemblence lol

[GoblinXXX]

Dr. Insano needs to hire Le Jaguar to assist in his evil schemes.

[Mistoffelees11]

i wish this guy were real, lol id be his fan

[JayCKat]

Only Zorro can match Le Jaguar

[NoClassPranking]

The wetter the better!

[Blightmouth]

@NoClassPranking you are dangerously low on electrolytes.

[Awsummsawce]

2:36 subliminal advertising much?

[hitman287]

lmao 50 million in nazi gold

[ThePirhanaSlayer]

Hey, doesn't the guy in The Steam Room look like the Optimum and Old Navy guy on the commercials??

[VelaToNorma7]

@ThePirhanaSlayer yeah, that's the guy

[D3ath912]

$50 million in Nazi gold :D

[TheLonelyImmortal]

Coke can suck it.

[DoubleAssClown]

@TheLonelyImmortal Pepsi can Blow it and spriye can there fingers where ever they please.

[TheLeviathanZero]

@DoubleAssClown I didn't know sodas could make people horny.

[DoubleAssClown]

@TheLeviathanZero Who was using my goddamn account?!

[TheLeviathanZero]

@DoubleAssClown Your asking me like I know?

[DoubleAssClown]

@TheLeviathanZero Trying to touch my dick boy?

[TheLeviathanZero]

@DoubleAssClown I thought guys had dicks, not little girls.

[getoffthefloor]

is that the optimum guy? and the old navy mini guy guy?

[Manofaction0]

"Seduced, married and divorced" That is gold.

[Meyons1424]

De La Croix avoids suspension after motor boat chase with british royal navy.....LOL

[shortbusdriver]

i'd totally bone the countess :drool:

[Headsetphobias]

Im not sure WHAT that was making fun of... but i liked it

[Elip33]

@Headsetphobias it makes fun of athletes and their drug (steroid) use.

[ElveeKaye]

@Headsetphobias It seems to be a spoof of old adventure serials, comic book villains, and James Bond movies. I love how they did it as a sports presentation!

[madchronz77]

lmao

[Tikikala]

lol. what is this making fun of?.... it feels like a sport section of daily news and at the same time making fun of movies about hero/villains with two identities?

[implicaverse]

How did that countess bitch end up with Nazi gold? It's not Nazi gold after you steal it from a Nazi. So if it was still Nazi gold while she had it, what does that make her? I'm only saying.

Go, Lee-Jag! And this would make a better movie premise than Magruber. And I actually want to catch that on video.

[JapeUK]

So did Reggie Greengrass ever foil (delightful pun) le Jaguar?

[ValorUnlimited]

If only people this cool actually existed.

[captaingiffy]

@ValorUnlimited If there was a dude like this he'd surely be the most interesting man in the world.

[42connorzielinski42]

@captaingiffy and he would drink dos equis, so if he were to punch you in the face, you'd have to hold back the urge to thank him. lol, actually a good commercial.

[tvap1122]

im not one for fencing, there are too many rules for my tastes. Rules should be simple: Whoever gets stabbed first, loses. end of story

[rg500delta]

@tvap1122 what if you get stabbed in the pinkie

[tvap1122]

@rg500delta

that would seem kind of improbable, considering the fact one hand is covered by the sword, and the other is behind your back

[rg500delta]

While I am not the world's greatest fender, I fenced for a year while in college. Mostly foil, but when I did a little epee I was amazed by the advanced guys' ability to hit my fingers and score points- even with my hand behind the guard. Any touch on the fingers (any touch anywhere) is a point with epee. foil has lots of rules, but it only scores points for a touch to the main torso ie: a hit to the vital area. With epee, you can lose a bout by having your pinkie touched 5 times.

[rg500delta]

not world's greatest typist, either

[Meyons1424]

@rg500delta gay

[rg500delta]

@Meyons1424 Yah well

[SoldierCyfix]

lol "widows whom he widowed no doubt"

[EricMetalGuitarist]

- "Reggie, you ready to swallow some hot steam?"

- "The wetter the better."

HAHAHAHA!!! XD I literally laughed out loud at that.

[CarlosIsDown]

Haha. This one had a lot of imagination/

[littlebopepe]

this really is a good segment. I wonder how much the onion actors make and how much it costs to produce the show. And there are two main movies/series they are likely starting the joke off and both are stellar.

not rolling laughter inducing humor, but good make you smile humor which is good in its own right.

[darthspeaks]

This has LOL all over it! LOL

[dominicpodom]

Umm.... fencer here: It whould be FIE not IFF

[marcusebrawner]

@dominicpodom it WOULD be WOULD not whould :)

[swrdgrl]

@dominicpodom Well, although we call it FIE in English, the actual translation is "International Fencing Federation," so they were close enough. Besides, I doubt the real FIE chair would like being portrayed as Peter James Whistleby IV. :-)

[gottobehilikus]

They should do a sportscast where the reporters yell, without restraint, for the entire broadcast.

[NE0NBL00D]

@gottobehilikus there's an episode of 30 Rock where tracy jordan goes on a show called, Sports Shouting, where four guests yell about sports the whole time. tracy just shrieks, not even words, the whole time, lolololol.

[franklinms22]

nooooo!! its too dangerous.

[ValorUnlimited]

"For all his villainy there's no denying he's still Da Vinci with the sword!"

[fosterslover]

Dastardly Scoundrel!

[jlim2397]

The damned mountebank!

[lucasw122333]

"made off with 50 million in Nazi gold..."

[homestarrunnerfan226]

hooray!! fencing was actually the subject this time!!

[jlim2397]

Ahh, now THIS is sports news ha ha

"Who will confront this blackguard?"

"I will vanquish this RAKE!" lolll

[ValorUnlimited]

@jlim2397 Closed caption says "ratton"....but I can see where anyone might have heard rake.

[Garboth]

Still on suspension after motor boat chase with the royal navy.

[bandhead2007]

seduced married and divorced at the same time!!!!!

[talg111]

how many 6'1 men with pencil mustaches can there be who move with the grace and power of a jungle cat

[JohnnyArizona84]

Scoundrel!!!!

[MrRyanfea]

Peter James Whistleby needs to get something done! End this injustince!

[RaynorX]

LOL "I still love you Le Jaguar..."

XD

[CptShancus]

DANM YOU LE JAGUAR!!

[reeyees50]

Arsene lupin...anyone?

[marcusbtv]

$50 million in nazi gold! The bastard!

[seanThree16]

The scoundrel!

[dm121984]

I would advise you to take the cad on, but it is too dangerous!

[jimbrown257]

At the very end it says that "Three Die in Helmetless NFL Throwback Game" which is silly because (yeah, I know it's a joke), almost all football deaths were caused because of modern helmets. To actually break a player's neck, you need the added leveage that you can only get with a helmet. That is why they are talking about getting rid of helmets and going back to leather-head type headgear.

[SaganTheGreat]

@jimbrown257 Who gives a shit?

[71savages]

The scoundrel!

I love this one. The Onion is such great satire. It's what National Lampoon once was.

[senhorlampada]

Totally agreed!

National Lampoon makes me sad nowadays! :D

[Zeke931]

@senhorlampada

It's nothing but a dick-sizing contest between American Pie and National Lampoon now.

[jimbrown257]

@CYLONEJACK

Are you serious? I should probably tell my girlfriend about this; it's the only fair thing to do. I feel bad for her but, in my defense, I really didnt know until know.

Of course there is still a .1% chance I am actually straight like I have always thought I was. Do you think I should get myself checked out to be sure or should I start screwing guys right away to make up for lost time?

Man, my parents aren't going to be happy about this. And I certainly feel like a fool.

[ebtricks]

One of the biggest failures I've ever seen.

[feckineejit]

the wetter the better.

[DelaneyRoberts]

God speed Mr. Green-grass. May your arm be strong and your aim true against Le Jaguar.

[bretp99]

The Steam Room is too gay even for me.

[rpm2004]

No, It's too dangerous!

[swrdgrl]

I'm a fencer and I love this. They get extra points for using the phrase "ataque au fer" correctly in a sentence. But I have to dock them for changing from saber to foil in the middle of the story. ;-)

[neviusprime]

@swrdgrl De Le Croix is clearly a master of both styles.

[solace00assassin]

@swrdgrl what's a fencer?

[GlassInMyEyeGuy]

@solace00assassin Someone who makes fences.

[terrorlord15]

@solace00assassin sword fighter.

[FRQCTRLlive]

You know, the only onion video that was kind of un-funny was how the reporters blew up the plane...this one makes fun of the whole 60's thing. Kind of surreal, but worth watching a few times, especially with a $3 bittle of wine in hand, all alone by the clearwire fed mac mini...

[Celedan]

this is brilliant

[dudeglove]

Ugh, the sweatroom thing is really pretentious.

[Enochjaredson]

Coke Zero is discount bin fodder.

[zellmer]

Isn't that bad really, tastes like a sweet version of diet coke really. But can't stand sweet stuff personally so is why I don't touch it.

[MorroccoSurrogate]

A-a misspelling of "knave"...

*twitches uncontrollably*

I still love you, Onion! I forgive you!

[hckydrummerboy]

widows whom he widowed, no doubt.

[jerrylambert]

is that Annette Bening?

[kurumais]

this was the best written one yet brilliant

[rcecich]

He is killing my Fantasy Fencing team!

[Chippergold]

Hahaha, best...comment...ever :)

[vidssesw]

yep, fencers could rule the world!!!!! .... he went from foil to epee in the vid :/

[Billthepenguin]

"The wetter the better!"

[nevshaun]

whats the steam room based on or is that an original concept

[MrEastcoastkid]

like all the other sports news

[cloudberry121]

Damn you De La Croix!

[tissuekins]

Is there anyone who will stop this vanguard?

I will tim! I will take up the foil once again and vanquish this blaggart!

no! it's too dengerous!

[justRUNalex]

nahh they need the sponsors to help finance, i mean, that doesn't look cheap to make

[lilbro93]

Coca Cola Zero

[nelson3300]

"Moi? Le Jaguar?! Impossiblu!!" :)

[gobberpooper]

ohhhhh! hahhaah omg now i finally understand the video. it's like NFL players committing crimes but this is the fancy version

[Greg9942]

I thought it was more like basketball players, but it could be either. If you are a good athlete, you are like a celebrity. Normal rules of conduct don't apply.

TheOnion is great! They get their point across in a good way. They are pretty daring in some of the subjects they poke fun at sometimes.

[godsvrsgods]

stuped adds1!!!!!!!!!!

[sync380]

HAHAHA L2Firefox. i get absolutely no ads, zero zilch nothing.

[ValorUnlimited]

Actually. They imbedded the Coke zero ad in the video itself.

[sync380]

yes, and i dont get that. again, learn to firefox idiot. its called greasemonkey and yousabletubefix. fail less

[ValorUnlimited]

Could you be any sadder of a person? You want to troll me because of some firefox addon that won't even block that kind of advertisement?

Let me explain. The Ad is on the video. It's a graphic in the background. Unless the addon puts a huge black block on the screen and mutes the audio for however long Coke runs their sponsorship logo spot, which would be stupid. You still see the ad.

Amazing what kind of ignorance the internet spawns.

[RoboDouche]

Something tells me that is the last you will hear of sync380.

[Sausageman666]

They should make the onion a tv show. I t would b so beautiful!

[DizziChief]

100% HELL YEAH

[4K4K1K0]

it is a reference to a Hitchcock movie

[4K4K1K0]

It was a also a reference to a well known Hitchcock

[tbonewilson]

Sponsored? Gay.

[ValorUnlimited]

Agreed. It's fake news. Why not fake ads?

[antidrummer13]

yeah, money is sooooo gay

[LostBlackBook]

"TRULY" isn't spelled with an "E" after the "L".

DUH!

[flyonawndshield]

excellent use of "rake"

Really well written episode fellows.

[T0mNZ]

IFF? I think they mean FIE

[yngvaibucketrucci]

FIE? I think you mean I"m a fucking retard

[T0mNZ]

Cause your obviously so clever and well rounded, as to just randomly throw stupid insults at people.

If your trying to claim that the international body for fencing is not the FIE then your wrong, look it up.

I know WHY they used IFF but that is quite irrelevent.

[yngvaibucketrucci]

no one cares what its called, this story is a joke, if they cared it would've taken them 20 seconds to look up

[zavierfire]

The Sauce is weak in this one.

[jf1281]

widowed - married - divorced all in the same week!?! That's some amazing sh*t right there! LOL

[MEGAGUY21]

1:13 HEY if supah man can do it

why can't he? hhhmmm?

[tommo390]

coke zero the real drink of sweaty steam rooms lol

[rockyhard1]

Oh, also, Peter James Whistleby is an Anagram for: A Jewel Heist by "Stremp"

Stremp if French for Scoundral. *SWISH*!

That Scoundrel !!!