i find labels to be restrictive of the millions of different ways people express themselves, which i think is why more and more labels keep appearing to describe who we are. everyone's unique.... but we're all the same at heart, we all love. i think that by focusing on our differences we may unite with some similar people, but we also distance ourselves from many others who do not share our ideals.
i used to try to fit in anywhere i could, seeking acceptance, love, for how i felt...but now...i don't identify myself with any labels, and i avoid trying to be the image or stereotype of any label either, i just do what i feel comfortable with.
I honestly don't know what to use as proper terms for myself, I could say I am a bigendered female, I could technically call myself transgendered due to the fact that I wish I was both instead of only 1 sex, but to break it down, I'm just a biological female who wishes to be both male and famale, and my fluidity varies day to day. some days I am really bitch, some days I am really femme, and sometimes I'm in between.
hello :) I am a biological male, and I am the same type of person as those who consider themselves to be transgendered. However, I consider myself not to be trans, but instead a member of a third gender. I identify most strongly with the concept of the two-spirit found in native american cultures, and I think that many trans people are also of this personality type; at a higher spiritual level we are all androgynes but parts of our being are veiled from us when we enter the physical. my 2c ;)
My name is Jett (born Kelley) and I am an androgyne. I don't really see myself as man or woman, but then again, I try to see everyone as themselves, as people, rather than assigning them a gender in my mind. Like, the terms are there in my mind, but I try my hardest not to use them as identifiers. I was always okay with my gender role, most of my friends don't really understand it. I'll probably end up making a video soon, as well. I'm really glad you posted this- being the way we are is lonely.
Wow, this sounds like something I would say 5 years ago! Past being physically male or female I don't really identify gender. People are just people, they are who they are. Historically most of my female friends have been tom boyish to varying degrees and my male friends caring and emotionally open. I had a hard time with gender roles throughout school. Personally I don't identify as much of anything, I'm not comfortable with my body so transexual would be a fitting word, but mentally androgyne.
I am in the process of becoming androgynous. I've never felt 100% "male" nor "female" or trans but I do strive to seek balance in my appearance in order to match my personality better.
i accept either "he" or "she" (just not "it"!) but sometimes people are unsure or uncomfortable using these pronouns and refer to me as "they" which is alright too. My good friends will tell you that "he is a girl" dispite the fact that i am biologically male. for the sake of legal crap etc I identify as transgendered.
cool video, good vocabulary. I am a visible gender minority as an androgyne/pangender individual. I have embraced both genders in language and clothing which causes many strangers to assume that i am presenting as a gay woman.
If its cool I will attache my genderqueer video to this as a response. There is so much more I would like to say on the subject, so look for related vids from me on the subject.
I am a female biologically, yet I've never felt secure in that label at all. I always thought that when I grew up, instead of going through the development females do, I would get facial hair, etc. "He" oftentimes feels like a better pronoun; most of the time I feel significantly more masculine than feminine.One could say I'm somewhat physically androgynous as well.But I really don't find solace in labels, for the most part.This video is great and could be a spark to start this needed discussion
I am a pangendered individual and I am really glad I found this video, its so nice to find others who know what it means when you say what you are. In my normal family life its kind of hard to explore this lifestyle as I still live with my parents and their rigid views, so I have to basically play out the biological gender I was given. My friends and partner though, fully accept and acknowledge my pangenderism, even though they don't have it themselves. :} I love them all so much.
I associate as being pangender however physically most of my life I have tried to maintain a masculine outlook since I was born in a slightly effiminate male body. my mind in particular is pangender, things that tend to move a woman (or man) also move me. while most men are easy to get into bed, I need the right buttons pushed and to have feelings for a person - regardless of their gender. When I was a kid, everything was interesting to me fishing or knitting, dolls or toy trucks.
i recently had to fill out a macy's application and they ask your gender twice the second time there is an option for do not wish to state. although they already know i'm feminine but i put do not wish to state anyway. i would rather if they didn't ask or would have a third option. i would consider myself genderqueer, androdgynous or femme but im never all of these at the same time. i wish everyone would drop all of the labels.
I hear ya. A couple days ago I had to register my new DSL account and they ask for gender to be specified. Seriously, what difference does it make, especially if I'm just some online customer? But it was a required field for AT&T nonetheless. Kinda funny that Macy's would give the option not to state only once. I wonder what the reasoning behind that is.
Neat to hear how you identify. Hooray diversity of options and freedom of choice!
Well I would say I'm questioning my gender, sometimes I really feel like a guy which matches up with my sex, but every time someone calls me a girl I get really giddy and happy. I don't strongly identify as male or female, but the other terms don't really reflect my experiance either. Who knows, I'm me when I find a suitable label I'll use it.
Funny how certain comments that some male-born people would take as incredibly offensive can actually be compliments to others :)
Labels can be such tricky things, and really just a headache for us who have a hard time finding suitable ones. Good luck with your questioning and hope you end up somewhere that feels right to you.
Cool cool. And while I made this video as a part of my research for a paper I was writing, I'm happy to reach beyond the scope of the people I was seeking responses from and do a little PR work, as it were.
Just to get a feel for your familiarity with the topic and gauge what sort of other thoughts/beliefs you have on the matter: What do you consider to be the gender of intersex persons? Partly I'm playing devil's advocate here, but also, as I said, gauging your interest in the matter.
Thanks for getting back to me :). What do you mean by intersex person? Is that something like a transexual? If so, then this is an interesting question. I think I'm beginning to get the picture... maybe. I suppose I'd see them as a hermaphrodite? Does that make sense? I don't know, you've confused me :S.
K, I'll take a step back then. The glbtq encyclopedia puts it: "ntersexuality is a congenital anomaly of sexual differentiation. It is usually related to atypical sex chromosome combinations or fetal hormone levels, and may result in external genitalia or internal reproductive systems that fall outside the norms for either male or female bodies." So hermaphrodites fall in this category and often prefer the term intersex. They are people whose doctors & parents tend to choose a gender for them.
This means that, despite whatever combination of chromosomes, genitals, reproductive systems, hormones or other characteristics they have, there is no box on the birth certificate for them to choose to describe the reality of their bodies. So I'll go back to your original comment of biologically assigned gender: we have a situation where nature & biology have created a body, but the doctor & society step in to assign it something more palatable, generally by use of surgery like clitoredectomy.
This can sound very clinical until you realize that these are real people who have to indicate on job applications & passports, as well as every time they step into single-gender restrooms that they are either men or women. So if gender is biologically assigned, where do these people fit? You can describe some, as you said, as hermaphrodites, but they aren't given the chance to live their lives that way.So I would argue that this is an instance of society, not biology, assigning gender.Thoughts?
p.s.I have roughly based my discussion here on the widely-used definition of "sex" (male/female/intersex) as more the biological side of things, while "gender" (man/woman/queer/androgyne/etc)would be more of people's places in society. These aren't perfect definitions & some refer to sex as biological gender while others theorize that without gender, we wouldn't see the need to differentiate between male & female bodies as frequently as we do..but that's getting more into queer theory & academia
Hey! Thanks for posting your video. I found it by putting genderqueer into the search box. I'd love to tell a little about me. I never thought I was a boy since I was young and grew up believing I must be a girl. I decided to work through my issues and have found I am gender fluid, moving from androgyne to female, with a mix of femininity, masculinity and androgyny. I have issues being gendered as male and am working out now how to fix this at this moment in time. I hope this wasn't too boring!
Thanks for your story! I like how you describe your fluidity: it's unique and that's fun. What's the support/hostility like in the UK for "other" genders? My only queer experience there was a layover in London where I bought a prominently displayed Diva mag at the airport:P
It also makes me happy to see that a bunch more hits for "genderqueer" come up now than even the few months ago that I put the video up.
I really love your thoughts and videos. I highly recommend this channel to others interested in the topic. It's awesome, too, to see someone who identifies as androgyne since it doesn't seem to have caught on as a label of preference as much as, say, genderqueer. It's always interesting to see the pro vs. anti label debate and the points that people bring to that discussion. For Pica's pro-label and has a fun video on the subject.
Keep making videos! I love the happy spirit you have in them!
I'd just like to say that this a great video, its very thought provoking, which is always good.
Anyhow I'm a 20 year old male. I don't tend to use labels but when I do its usually gender-fluid because it sums up how my gender seems to vary better than other terms I've heard.
I was interested by what you said about visibility. I don't present myself as anything other than male but people do pick up on my gender through the way I act, which is not something that I deliberately try to control.
As an example; a friend once accused me of being ridiculously masculine and then a few months later said I was utterly camp. A female friend of mine asked me if I am asexual, which is always a fun question to answer.
I find that using a label helps during a gender-attack. A word to describe what I am experiencing is comforting as it reassures me that I'm not the only person experiencing it.
That's all I wanted to say, other than have you ever tried 'Associate' as a title? It works pretty well.
I noticed that you described yourself as a male, which I think is interesting if it's intentional because I do the same thing. I feel uncomfortable with the term/label "man", though I'm not completely sure where that discomfort is coming from, though I have some ideas.
I think for me, part of it is the distinction between male privilege and hegemonic masculinity. I am a male and acknowlege that my sex confers privileges because of sexist institutions. I can't do anything about that because I *feel* like a male and would not change my sex. But I don't *feel* like a man because tied up in the word man are the social expectations of what it means to be masculine, including gender roles, which I oppose.
I don't consider myself a woman or man, I do consider myself genderqueer. I don't mind being referred to as "she" "her" or "miss" just for the sake of not being confrontational, its like I care what others think. I define respect in other avenues. How I view myself is all I care about. However my moods are extreme in that one day I feel more "girly" than others and the next day I'm feeling more "butch" - I'm involved in the fashion industry and its very black and white as you can imagine.
Yeah, I hear you with the going along with however you happen to be addressed by others. I wouldn't feel reasonable saying to someone "Ok, just don't call me 'miss' today. Last week was fine, but I can't take it today." I would similarly not correct someone if a "he" or "his" was spoken in my direction, but it tends not to happen. Glad to hear that you at least have an internal recognition of what matters to you and that you've figured out that having those different moods is part of you.
As for the fashion industry, it seems like it could be such a creative outlet for gender, but all I ever see is the pop culture versions of it staring at me from the magazine racks in the check-out line. That type of fashion, as you've alluded, tends not to leave much wiggle room. Still, I'm impressed with ANTM having a transwoman next season. What have your experiences been? Are there expectations that you'll conform to a certain type of femininity? Other unique pressures within the industry?
I personally have it easy, I'm just a girl. But I have a friend, who is genderqueer, and I do my absolute best not to use pronouns around Andie, but I slip up alot. Andie is male minded and female boddied, but really see's self as neither. I know it's hard for Andie, but Andie just =avoids using Pronouns, and asks that we do the same. My other friend Alin uses Hier and hiers, which I'm pretty sure is a mix of his and her, Alin also uses S'e instead of he or she. Way to go Reverend ;D
GREAT VIDEO!!! I am not one who identifies under the traditional male/female labels, and find it extremely frustrating to a world which doesn't accept anything outisde those small boxes. I tend to avoid the gender box question at all costs, but have found it impossible to dodge completely. I find that most people consider my feminine physical appearance to be that of a girl/woman identification, and never bother to ask anything different.
Yup, I'm with you on being subject to assumptions of all-encompassing femininity. When have you gotten chances to speak for yourself? I watched your video, and that was obviously one forum that allowed you to speak up. Do you have any other recommendations or experience with finding places where you have felt that your gender was recognized and appreciated?
Unfortunately, I don't encounter a lot of opportunity to express myself (I live in closed-minded Ky). However, when I am with friends, I'm able to speak more freely, and request they use terms that are more comfortable. My experience is that most forums for this subject have to be explicitly created for such, as they don't occur naturally. Gender identity seems to be one aspect of the LGBT movement that many refuse or are afraid to address, which I find very discouraging, as we are one movement.
OK. I am going to say I am a nonconforming gender. This has come up because of the Larry King murder by Brandon McInerney. Larry was not gay he was transgender and I was searching for a label for the way I feel about myself and always have felt different.
I am mentally masculine in a hetrosexual female body who does not want a penis, wants to look female and dress male. I also have facial hair~drives me crazy. I don't tell anyone that I feel this way. I have always been asked since childhood, "Are you a little boy or are you a little girl?" I always said in a deep and angry voice, "A little girl!"
I guess I am both male and female. I always played with Tonka and only rode a boy's bicycle and wore jeans and Tee Shirts but I say I am female. ???
Hehe. What a fantastic response to the boy/girl question :)
It's neat, too, to hear from someone who feels both. Much of the time I of myself as neither, but that can often get read as both or off-beat-feminine. And some days those two readings feel pretty accurate.
I have found it difficult to find space and recognition while not being harassed by both male and female. Men see me as tiny and cute and want to fuck me and lesbians see me as somewhat dykish and some assume I am gay and some jump in my face demanding am I or am I not? As for name prefixes I use Mr. frequently and sometimes Ms. less often Miss.
I find and found it frustrating myself because what the hell difference does it make to label myself? It still seems having a penis gets more respect.
Brill vid!! I too am always interested to find people who don't quite fit the binary. Btw, I have commented on your blog as there was no way I was gonna fit it all in the comments section. I hope they were the kinda opinions you were wanting and will therefore be useful to you :)
Yeah, I hear that. I know someone with an uncle who's dating a Catholic priest, but that's definitely the exception to the rule. I don't want to give all of Christianity a bad name since every PFLAG meeting I've gone to has been in Christian a church (well, one syngogue), but plenty of Christian (and non-Christian) families have a long way to go before they understand, much less accept some of the more subtle points of gender
I use birl. I prefer 'she' vs. 'he', since it's easier to understand, and I don't like the alternatives. I'm totally out(never hide my gender), I identify as a transgender/transsexual/genderqueer/genderfuck, etc(haven't found a label I don't identify as). My favorite term is however 'birl'.
Oh cool. I hadn't heard of "birl" before, but it seems like a really fun word. Do you know anyone else who uses it?
It reminds me of the Teen Girl Squad episode (for anyone who watches Homestarrunner) about the "B-girl party!" that I would link to if YouTube let me post links in my comments.
Aw, well whoever, you are, thanks for the feedback! That's fascinating about the B'more youth and their pronouns. Hooray for language being such a dynamic, evolving thing.
YouTube won't let me post links, but if you google "baltimore yo pronoun," or follow the link in my text blog, you can find some pretty neat stuff about this.
I Agree with someone on the blog who said that most often the meaning of a label comes from the person who uses it--either for self or others--but I was excited to read in OUT magazine about some Baltimore kids that stopped using pronouns, not for gender related reasons, and replaced them all with 'yo': "where is xylophonegender? Oh, yo's over there" Somehow I liked it better than any other gender neutral pronouns I have heard. I have always found androgynous to feel like a compliment.
I started to comment here but I am verbose (to put it kindly) so I'll be damned if I could keep it to 500 characters. So I posted a comment on the blog.
Interested in seeing where this goes. You should look up if you don't know about myownstickfigure those vids introduced me to the concept of gender fluid and apparently youtube has a community of people like this. I'm a man born so but very interested in the concept.
Wow, the myownstickfigure videos are quite intense, and I can't imagine the amount of courage it must take to make them. Are there specific videos in which gender fluidity is directly talked about? The channel seems to have a bunch.
And any other leads? Gender fluidity seems like it has such potential and I'm always glad to hear more perspectives on int.
Hey, hey smartypants! This is a great clip. I'll look forward to see what you get. Meanwhile, let me know where, and I'll also send you the text from my second show which is called...wait for it...: Clearly Marked. ::grin::
My cousin sent me a no lie quiz with the question: Gay or straight? I replied no labels because I am confused. I am a tomboy and I sometimes confuse children. Uhhh....I don't really want to be butch but I don't think it is a choice.
Thanks for the thoughts! Hm, would you think of "butch" as an adj to describe someone or more of an identity someone has? I've seen it used as each. Alternatively a close friend gets "sir"ed often, does not consider herself a woman, borders on trans, but also does not consider herself butch (despite what others might consider her) because she feels that it implies a type of gender/masculinity that isn't her.
So I guess all of this is to ask: what part of "it" don't you think is a choice?
Hmmm...Hormone levels? So, if trans were a 10 and butch was a 7 your friend might be and 9. I guess I would be a 5. I don't think it is an adj. I mean you can't take a straight woman and cut her hair and put her in boys clothes and make her a butch. Being a butch and wanting to be called he are two different things. What I am trying to say is I naturally gravitate toward things that can be seen as tomboyish.
Interesting. So would it be accurate to say that you see the phenomenon as an some sort of internal degree feminitity/masculinity that dictates where a person falls on a scale?
And, not to put too many words in her mouth, but I'm fairly sure my friend sees her gender as being a different type of masculinity, a different flavor, if you will, than butch. Many of the social cues typically associated with butch are dealt with in sbearbergman's stuff. "I know what butch is" is worth a look.
I would say it IS an internal degree of feminitity/masculinity that dictates where a person falls on the scale. Then you express it outwardly however you choose. I could be very wrong however.
Yeah, and I wouldn't necessarily categorize anyone's approach in terms of right/wrong. As of yet, no one can "prove" an internal degree of gender just by finding some keystone gene or doing a CAT scan on a brain. So what does that leave us? This hard-to-pin-down conglomeration of things we refer to as identity. And what does identity get us? I'm not sure. Some use it as a starting point for talking about gender, others don't, and I think all sorts of uses are valid and important.
Hey - I'm just now rereading the comments here and realized I missed this small question. If you're referring to the friend with the uncle dating a priest, that's me. Feel free to message me.
Not sure what I am, but whenever there's a form that asks me to fill out gender I say "other" or "neither". ;D
SFA2Mikiya 4 months ago
i find labels to be restrictive of the millions of different ways people express themselves, which i think is why more and more labels keep appearing to describe who we are. everyone's unique.... but we're all the same at heart, we all love. i think that by focusing on our differences we may unite with some similar people, but we also distance ourselves from many others who do not share our ideals.
ButtMonger801 5 months ago
@ButtMonger801 Makes sense. Division, even in the interest of uniting, is still division.
XylophoneGender 5 months ago
i used to try to fit in anywhere i could, seeking acceptance, love, for how i felt...but now...i don't identify myself with any labels, and i avoid trying to be the image or stereotype of any label either, i just do what i feel comfortable with.
ButtMonger801 5 months ago
I honestly don't know what to use as proper terms for myself, I could say I am a bigendered female, I could technically call myself transgendered due to the fact that I wish I was both instead of only 1 sex, but to break it down, I'm just a biological female who wishes to be both male and famale, and my fluidity varies day to day. some days I am really bitch, some days I am really femme, and sometimes I'm in between.
shadowfangsydney 6 months ago
@shadowfangsydney thanks for sharing. i'd say the only proper terms are the ones that ring true to you. yay for the fun of fluidity
XylophoneGender 6 months ago
@XylophoneGender I just now noticed I said bitch instead of butch *facepalm*
shadowfangsydney 6 months ago
I am a FAAB (female assigned at birth) pansexual genderqueer.
AntennaGirl 8 months ago
@AntennaGirl great to have you around!
XylophoneGender 8 months ago
hello :) I am a biological male, and I am the same type of person as those who consider themselves to be transgendered. However, I consider myself not to be trans, but instead a member of a third gender. I identify most strongly with the concept of the two-spirit found in native american cultures, and I think that many trans people are also of this personality type; at a higher spiritual level we are all androgynes but parts of our being are veiled from us when we enter the physical. my 2c ;)
codeher11 9 months ago
Wow, you are adorable!
goodmorningchap 10 months ago
My name is Jett (born Kelley) and I am an androgyne. I don't really see myself as man or woman, but then again, I try to see everyone as themselves, as people, rather than assigning them a gender in my mind. Like, the terms are there in my mind, but I try my hardest not to use them as identifiers. I was always okay with my gender role, most of my friends don't really understand it. I'll probably end up making a video soon, as well. I'm really glad you posted this- being the way we are is lonely.
LupineEscapist2011 1 year ago
You are really well spoken. :)
racehorse87 1 year ago
Wow, this sounds like something I would say 5 years ago! Past being physically male or female I don't really identify gender. People are just people, they are who they are. Historically most of my female friends have been tom boyish to varying degrees and my male friends caring and emotionally open. I had a hard time with gender roles throughout school. Personally I don't identify as much of anything, I'm not comfortable with my body so transexual would be a fitting word, but mentally androgyne.
CafeBikeGirl 1 year ago
thankyou for this vid, i found it very helpful as i am having trouble identifying as one or another gender
amathon 1 year ago
hi,i don't label myself!
JanIsBoy5 1 year ago
@JanIsBoy5 rock on!
XylophoneGender 1 year ago
I am in the process of becoming androgynous. I've never felt 100% "male" nor "female" or trans but I do strive to seek balance in my appearance in order to match my personality better.
sjotero 1 year ago
hey zelda you're cute
mywifeElizabeth 1 year ago
I'm an older post-op TS, who loved your video. And I'm very impressed with you personally. Please stay in touch with the online community!
riopaso 1 year ago
Well said.
sergeantyeti 1 year ago
i accept either "he" or "she" (just not "it"!) but sometimes people are unsure or uncomfortable using these pronouns and refer to me as "they" which is alright too. My good friends will tell you that "he is a girl" dispite the fact that i am biologically male. for the sake of legal crap etc I identify as transgendered.
it would be sweet if you made more videos.
MrZtruk 1 year ago
cool video, good vocabulary. I am a visible gender minority as an androgyne/pangender individual. I have embraced both genders in language and clothing which causes many strangers to assume that i am presenting as a gay woman.
MrZtruk 1 year ago
I've just turned 18.
Always thought I was a happy lesbian girl.
Then I met a transwoman.
She messed up everything I thought I knew.
I thought I wanted to transition f-t-m.
Now I know I am GENDER FLUID =D
xx
xXcharleXx 2 years ago
what am i...I AM SPIRIT...MAN/WOMAN are just created descriptions of what is understood to be a concrete subject..RAH
RahTRUTh 2 years ago 2
If its cool I will attache my genderqueer video to this as a response. There is so much more I would like to say on the subject, so look for related vids from me on the subject.
Dedgurlsingblu 2 years ago
Can't wait!
XylophoneGender 2 years ago
I am a female biologically, yet I've never felt secure in that label at all. I always thought that when I grew up, instead of going through the development females do, I would get facial hair, etc. "He" oftentimes feels like a better pronoun; most of the time I feel significantly more masculine than feminine.One could say I'm somewhat physically androgynous as well.But I really don't find solace in labels, for the most part.This video is great and could be a spark to start this needed discussion
iridescentgreen 2 years ago
I am a pangendered individual and I am really glad I found this video, its so nice to find others who know what it means when you say what you are. In my normal family life its kind of hard to explore this lifestyle as I still live with my parents and their rigid views, so I have to basically play out the biological gender I was given. My friends and partner though, fully accept and acknowledge my pangenderism, even though they don't have it themselves. :} I love them all so much.
MajestyInTears 2 years ago
by the way, im so glad i found you. nice to find intelligent likeminded people :D
hyperobjectivity 2 years ago
happy you found me too!
XylophoneGender 2 years ago
I associate as being pangender however physically most of my life I have tried to maintain a masculine outlook since I was born in a slightly effiminate male body. my mind in particular is pangender, things that tend to move a woman (or man) also move me. while most men are easy to get into bed, I need the right buttons pushed and to have feelings for a person - regardless of their gender. When I was a kid, everything was interesting to me fishing or knitting, dolls or toy trucks.
hyperobjectivity 2 years ago
You're amazing rev. ;)
TenderGenderBender 3 years ago 2
rev.: your story was awesome
i recently had to fill out a macy's application and they ask your gender twice the second time there is an option for do not wish to state. although they already know i'm feminine but i put do not wish to state anyway. i would rather if they didn't ask or would have a third option. i would consider myself genderqueer, androdgynous or femme but im never all of these at the same time. i wish everyone would drop all of the labels.
donkeyfly69 3 years ago
I hear ya. A couple days ago I had to register my new DSL account and they ask for gender to be specified. Seriously, what difference does it make, especially if I'm just some online customer? But it was a required field for AT&T nonetheless. Kinda funny that Macy's would give the option not to state only once. I wonder what the reasoning behind that is.
Neat to hear how you identify. Hooray diversity of options and freedom of choice!
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
Hello. I also have a video that I have uploaded about being androgynous. Watch it if you're interested.
WyldFire777 3 years ago 2
Thanks I'll take a look!
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
Oh, sorry, I got rid of it. Wasn't really planned well. I might put up another one some other day.
WyldFire777 3 years ago
Well I would say I'm questioning my gender, sometimes I really feel like a guy which matches up with my sex, but every time someone calls me a girl I get really giddy and happy. I don't strongly identify as male or female, but the other terms don't really reflect my experiance either. Who knows, I'm me when I find a suitable label I'll use it.
Kythlo 3 years ago 2
Funny how certain comments that some male-born people would take as incredibly offensive can actually be compliments to others :)
Labels can be such tricky things, and really just a headache for us who have a hard time finding suitable ones. Good luck with your questioning and hope you end up somewhere that feels right to you.
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
You've found me...
Bin weder Mann, noch bin ich Frau,
bin irgendwo zwischendrin...
7Row7enn7 3 years ago 2
:) Happy to have you here.
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
I tend to see gender as something biologically assigned, so I'm not really sure where you're coming from.
JLProud 3 years ago
Cool cool. And while I made this video as a part of my research for a paper I was writing, I'm happy to reach beyond the scope of the people I was seeking responses from and do a little PR work, as it were.
Just to get a feel for your familiarity with the topic and gauge what sort of other thoughts/beliefs you have on the matter: What do you consider to be the gender of intersex persons? Partly I'm playing devil's advocate here, but also, as I said, gauging your interest in the matter.
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
Thanks for getting back to me :). What do you mean by intersex person? Is that something like a transexual? If so, then this is an interesting question. I think I'm beginning to get the picture... maybe. I suppose I'd see them as a hermaphrodite? Does that make sense? I don't know, you've confused me :S.
JLProud 3 years ago 2
K, I'll take a step back then. The glbtq encyclopedia puts it: "ntersexuality is a congenital anomaly of sexual differentiation. It is usually related to atypical sex chromosome combinations or fetal hormone levels, and may result in external genitalia or internal reproductive systems that fall outside the norms for either male or female bodies." So hermaphrodites fall in this category and often prefer the term intersex. They are people whose doctors & parents tend to choose a gender for them.
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
This means that, despite whatever combination of chromosomes, genitals, reproductive systems, hormones or other characteristics they have, there is no box on the birth certificate for them to choose to describe the reality of their bodies. So I'll go back to your original comment of biologically assigned gender: we have a situation where nature & biology have created a body, but the doctor & society step in to assign it something more palatable, generally by use of surgery like clitoredectomy.
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
This can sound very clinical until you realize that these are real people who have to indicate on job applications & passports, as well as every time they step into single-gender restrooms that they are either men or women. So if gender is biologically assigned, where do these people fit? You can describe some, as you said, as hermaphrodites, but they aren't given the chance to live their lives that way.So I would argue that this is an instance of society, not biology, assigning gender.Thoughts?
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
p.s.I have roughly based my discussion here on the widely-used definition of "sex" (male/female/intersex) as more the biological side of things, while "gender" (man/woman/queer/androgyne/etc)would be more of people's places in society. These aren't perfect definitions & some refer to sex as biological gender while others theorize that without gender, we wouldn't see the need to differentiate between male & female bodies as frequently as we do..but that's getting more into queer theory & academia
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
There is difference between gender and biological sex.
7Row7enn7 3 years ago 2
Hey! Thanks for posting your video. I found it by putting genderqueer into the search box. I'd love to tell a little about me. I never thought I was a boy since I was young and grew up believing I must be a girl. I decided to work through my issues and have found I am gender fluid, moving from androgyne to female, with a mix of femininity, masculinity and androgyny. I have issues being gendered as male and am working out now how to fix this at this moment in time. I hope this wasn't too boring!
alex80uk 3 years ago 2
Thanks for your story! I like how you describe your fluidity: it's unique and that's fun. What's the support/hostility like in the UK for "other" genders? My only queer experience there was a layover in London where I bought a prominently displayed Diva mag at the airport:P
It also makes me happy to see that a bunch more hits for "genderqueer" come up now than even the few months ago that I put the video up.
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
sent you a video i have already made about the subject, got a bunch of videos looking at aspects of this on my channel.
picaVpica 3 years ago 2
I really love your thoughts and videos. I highly recommend this channel to others interested in the topic. It's awesome, too, to see someone who identifies as androgyne since it doesn't seem to have caught on as a label of preference as much as, say, genderqueer. It's always interesting to see the pro vs. anti label debate and the points that people bring to that discussion. For Pica's pro-label and has a fun video on the subject.
Keep making videos! I love the happy spirit you have in them!
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
Also- what about the definition of androgyne speaks to you more than the other nontraditional gender categories out there?
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
I'd just like to say that this a great video, its very thought provoking, which is always good.
Anyhow I'm a 20 year old male. I don't tend to use labels but when I do its usually gender-fluid because it sums up how my gender seems to vary better than other terms I've heard.
I was interested by what you said about visibility. I don't present myself as anything other than male but people do pick up on my gender through the way I act, which is not something that I deliberately try to control.
1dah0 3 years ago
As an example; a friend once accused me of being ridiculously masculine and then a few months later said I was utterly camp. A female friend of mine asked me if I am asexual, which is always a fun question to answer.
I find that using a label helps during a gender-attack. A word to describe what I am experiencing is comforting as it reassures me that I'm not the only person experiencing it.
That's all I wanted to say, other than have you ever tried 'Associate' as a title? It works pretty well.
1dah0 3 years ago
I noticed that you described yourself as a male, which I think is interesting if it's intentional because I do the same thing. I feel uncomfortable with the term/label "man", though I'm not completely sure where that discomfort is coming from, though I have some ideas.
MochiMC 3 years ago
I hadn't given it much thought before, but no I don't tend to use the word 'man'.
I suppose that I don't really feel old enough to use it, which is ridiculous really; I'm in my twenties now after all.
1dah0 3 years ago
I think for me, part of it is the distinction between male privilege and hegemonic masculinity. I am a male and acknowlege that my sex confers privileges because of sexist institutions. I can't do anything about that because I *feel* like a male and would not change my sex. But I don't *feel* like a man because tied up in the word man are the social expectations of what it means to be masculine, including gender roles, which I oppose.
MochiMC 3 years ago 3
Yay for finding like-minded others! I'll have to try on Associate for size when I'm next given the oppurtunity :P
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
I don't consider myself a woman or man, I do consider myself genderqueer. I don't mind being referred to as "she" "her" or "miss" just for the sake of not being confrontational, its like I care what others think. I define respect in other avenues. How I view myself is all I care about. However my moods are extreme in that one day I feel more "girly" than others and the next day I'm feeling more "butch" - I'm involved in the fashion industry and its very black and white as you can imagine.
winec00ler 3 years ago
Yeah, I hear you with the going along with however you happen to be addressed by others. I wouldn't feel reasonable saying to someone "Ok, just don't call me 'miss' today. Last week was fine, but I can't take it today." I would similarly not correct someone if a "he" or "his" was spoken in my direction, but it tends not to happen. Glad to hear that you at least have an internal recognition of what matters to you and that you've figured out that having those different moods is part of you.
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
As for the fashion industry, it seems like it could be such a creative outlet for gender, but all I ever see is the pop culture versions of it staring at me from the magazine racks in the check-out line. That type of fashion, as you've alluded, tends not to leave much wiggle room. Still, I'm impressed with ANTM having a transwoman next season. What have your experiences been? Are there expectations that you'll conform to a certain type of femininity? Other unique pressures within the industry?
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
I personally have it easy, I'm just a girl. But I have a friend, who is genderqueer, and I do my absolute best not to use pronouns around Andie, but I slip up alot. Andie is male minded and female boddied, but really see's self as neither. I know it's hard for Andie, but Andie just =avoids using Pronouns, and asks that we do the same. My other friend Alin uses Hier and hiers, which I'm pretty sure is a mix of his and her, Alin also uses S'e instead of he or she. Way to go Reverend ;D
gendersupport 3 years ago
GREAT VIDEO!!! I am not one who identifies under the traditional male/female labels, and find it extremely frustrating to a world which doesn't accept anything outisde those small boxes. I tend to avoid the gender box question at all costs, but have found it impossible to dodge completely. I find that most people consider my feminine physical appearance to be that of a girl/woman identification, and never bother to ask anything different.
pinkcorsetfemme 3 years ago 2
Yup, I'm with you on being subject to assumptions of all-encompassing femininity. When have you gotten chances to speak for yourself? I watched your video, and that was obviously one forum that allowed you to speak up. Do you have any other recommendations or experience with finding places where you have felt that your gender was recognized and appreciated?
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
Unfortunately, I don't encounter a lot of opportunity to express myself (I live in closed-minded Ky). However, when I am with friends, I'm able to speak more freely, and request they use terms that are more comfortable. My experience is that most forums for this subject have to be explicitly created for such, as they don't occur naturally. Gender identity seems to be one aspect of the LGBT movement that many refuse or are afraid to address, which I find very discouraging, as we are one movement.
pinkcorsetfemme 3 years ago
OK. I am going to say I am a nonconforming gender. This has come up because of the Larry King murder by Brandon McInerney. Larry was not gay he was transgender and I was searching for a label for the way I feel about myself and always have felt different.
BaileyBasenji 3 years ago
I am mentally masculine in a hetrosexual female body who does not want a penis, wants to look female and dress male. I also have facial hair~drives me crazy. I don't tell anyone that I feel this way. I have always been asked since childhood, "Are you a little boy or are you a little girl?" I always said in a deep and angry voice, "A little girl!"
I guess I am both male and female. I always played with Tonka and only rode a boy's bicycle and wore jeans and Tee Shirts but I say I am female. ???
BaileyBasenji 3 years ago
Hehe. What a fantastic response to the boy/girl question :)
It's neat, too, to hear from someone who feels both. Much of the time I of myself as neither, but that can often get read as both or off-beat-feminine. And some days those two readings feel pretty accurate.
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
I have found it difficult to find space and recognition while not being harassed by both male and female. Men see me as tiny and cute and want to fuck me and lesbians see me as somewhat dykish and some assume I am gay and some jump in my face demanding am I or am I not? As for name prefixes I use Mr. frequently and sometimes Ms. less often Miss.
I find and found it frustrating myself because what the hell difference does it make to label myself? It still seems having a penis gets more respect.
BaileyBasenji 3 years ago
Interesting. Can't say I relate to much of it, but interesting.
genderfluidjelly 3 years ago
Brill vid!! I too am always interested to find people who don't quite fit the binary. Btw, I have commented on your blog as there was no way I was gonna fit it all in the comments section. I hope they were the kinda opinions you were wanting and will therefore be useful to you :)
genderfluidjelly 3 years ago
I use labels but hate it. I interchange them among my progressive friends but do not have the energy to do so around my christian extended family.
imaJENtleman 3 years ago
Yeah, I hear that. I know someone with an uncle who's dating a Catholic priest, but that's definitely the exception to the rule. I don't want to give all of Christianity a bad name since every PFLAG meeting I've gone to has been in Christian a church (well, one syngogue), but plenty of Christian (and non-Christian) families have a long way to go before they understand, much less accept some of the more subtle points of gender
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
I use birl. I prefer 'she' vs. 'he', since it's easier to understand, and I don't like the alternatives. I'm totally out(never hide my gender), I identify as a transgender/transsexual/genderqueer/genderfuck, etc(haven't found a label I don't identify as). My favorite term is however 'birl'.
birlwillow 3 years ago
Oh cool. I hadn't heard of "birl" before, but it seems like a really fun word. Do you know anyone else who uses it?
It reminds me of the Teen Girl Squad episode (for anyone who watches Homestarrunner) about the "B-girl party!" that I would link to if YouTube let me post links in my comments.
Thanks for your thoughts!
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
Reverend. That's classic.
Looking forward to seeing more of your vids.
kensharpny 3 years ago
btw I am not hcakes, but apparently yo was the last one to be signed into youtube on my computer. ooops.
hcakes 3 years ago
Aw, well whoever, you are, thanks for the feedback! That's fascinating about the B'more youth and their pronouns. Hooray for language being such a dynamic, evolving thing.
YouTube won't let me post links, but if you google "baltimore yo pronoun," or follow the link in my text blog, you can find some pretty neat stuff about this.
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
I Agree with someone on the blog who said that most often the meaning of a label comes from the person who uses it--either for self or others--but I was excited to read in OUT magazine about some Baltimore kids that stopped using pronouns, not for gender related reasons, and replaced them all with 'yo': "where is xylophonegender? Oh, yo's over there" Somehow I liked it better than any other gender neutral pronouns I have heard. I have always found androgynous to feel like a compliment.
hcakes 3 years ago 2
I started to comment here but I am verbose (to put it kindly) so I'll be damned if I could keep it to 500 characters. So I posted a comment on the blog.
Ruffian706 3 years ago
Interested in seeing where this goes. You should look up if you don't know about myownstickfigure those vids introduced me to the concept of gender fluid and apparently youtube has a community of people like this. I'm a man born so but very interested in the concept.
veritas8463 3 years ago
Wow, the myownstickfigure videos are quite intense, and I can't imagine the amount of courage it must take to make them. Are there specific videos in which gender fluidity is directly talked about? The channel seems to have a bunch.
And any other leads? Gender fluidity seems like it has such potential and I'm always glad to hear more perspectives on int.
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
Thanks for the postings so far! i look forward to your video, honeynvrhadaname :)
Also, if you're having issues posting, the URL for my blog is in the "More info" blurb about this video
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
Hey, hey smartypants! This is a great clip. I'll look forward to see what you get. Meanwhile, let me know where, and I'll also send you the text from my second show which is called...wait for it...: Clearly Marked. ::grin::
sbearbergman 3 years ago
My cousin sent me a no lie quiz with the question: Gay or straight? I replied no labels because I am confused. I am a tomboy and I sometimes confuse children. Uhhh....I don't really want to be butch but I don't think it is a choice.
olivia8219 3 years ago
Thanks for the thoughts! Hm, would you think of "butch" as an adj to describe someone or more of an identity someone has? I've seen it used as each. Alternatively a close friend gets "sir"ed often, does not consider herself a woman, borders on trans, but also does not consider herself butch (despite what others might consider her) because she feels that it implies a type of gender/masculinity that isn't her.
So I guess all of this is to ask: what part of "it" don't you think is a choice?
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
Hmmm...Hormone levels? So, if trans were a 10 and butch was a 7 your friend might be and 9. I guess I would be a 5. I don't think it is an adj. I mean you can't take a straight woman and cut her hair and put her in boys clothes and make her a butch. Being a butch and wanting to be called he are two different things. What I am trying to say is I naturally gravitate toward things that can be seen as tomboyish.
olivia8219 3 years ago
Interesting. So would it be accurate to say that you see the phenomenon as an some sort of internal degree feminitity/masculinity that dictates where a person falls on a scale?
And, not to put too many words in her mouth, but I'm fairly sure my friend sees her gender as being a different type of masculinity, a different flavor, if you will, than butch. Many of the social cues typically associated with butch are dealt with in sbearbergman's stuff. "I know what butch is" is worth a look.
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
I would say it IS an internal degree of feminitity/masculinity that dictates where a person falls on the scale. Then you express it outwardly however you choose. I could be very wrong however.
BaileyBasenji 3 years ago
Yeah, and I wouldn't necessarily categorize anyone's approach in terms of right/wrong. As of yet, no one can "prove" an internal degree of gender just by finding some keystone gene or doing a CAT scan on a brain. So what does that leave us? This hard-to-pin-down conglomeration of things we refer to as identity. And what does identity get us? I'm not sure. Some use it as a starting point for talking about gender, others don't, and I think all sorts of uses are valid and important.
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
Wow, your friend sounds interesting, will s/he be commenting on the blog? I'd really like to know more...
genderfluidjelly 3 years ago
Are you referring to the not-really-butch comment? The blog post by "c" is by that friend.
XylophoneGender 3 years ago
Hey - I'm just now rereading the comments here and realized I missed this small question. If you're referring to the friend with the uncle dating a priest, that's me. Feel free to message me.
Ruffian706 3 years ago
Are you the butch who doesn't like being called butch cos it implies a kind of masculinity that isn't you - or something like that, as I recall? :)
genderfluidjelly 3 years ago
Great video - big plans for creating a response video, Reverend.
honeynvrhadaname 3 years ago