The conservative bible is the shining symbol of just how nuts the US consies have gotten.
It's high time people stopped showing them any respect and just laughed or sneered at them whenever they say something.
And the fact fundies haven't gone epic rage over the modification of their holy book shows they're utterly full of shit too. They don't believe their own religion, they just pretend to so they can feel justified being assholes.
It's kinda funny, because the bible says that people who change the bible will be punished greatly. Not that I care, I think it's all bullshit, but if the right wing would actually read the entire bible, they'd possibly know that.
people. The moral standards of a religion says something about where morals really come from: the zeitgeist of an era. Taking this into consideration, the fact that Jesus is perceived as all-loving and pasifistic and liberals, says alot more about liberals than it does of Jesus. People take the values that they bare (many of which are detracted from said zeitgeist), and project them onto devine, fabricated beings. Our view of Jesus says alot about us, and nothing about Jesus. It's selfprojection
@Pomme843 ... all the Jesus shit is nonsense whether you're Liberal or republican. But at least Liberals are compassionate and care about others. Conservatives are just pure evil and filled with hate.
systems. That's essentially what religion is: a way to make devine and objective your own values. Religion makes you capable of claiming that your particular values and actions, are devinely justified and ratified, true and just. That's why there are so many sects and branches of Christianity: people get their values from many different sources, none of which are devine, and the claim to have the "correct" interpretation. The character and views of Jesus changes from time to time, because so do
anybody can have a vison of a being talk to them in a dream and make up a book come really wtf i can have a blue taco talk to me and make up a prophet in my dream the bible is fake and why does it keep being remade? oh and did you know the satanic star behind them the person on the right look behind him?
I am jezus, the last jezus died in vietnam because his friend randy addicentally shot him in the face, with AMERICAN PATRIOTISM! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
*communism is a dangerous religion, so is homosexuality, yall dont even have your own gods, except justin bieber and eisenhower, ahyukhyukhyk!
@jiuufctsu18 It is a parody against paranoid conservative nutjobs who think that the america is governed by "liberal love bias", yes, but there are conservatives who aren't fooled by that bullshit.
The BIBLE is the MARK of the BEAST! Constantine (1st beast) legalized Christianity and had 50 bibles compiled. King James, homo (2nd beast) 666 # of a man, born 1566, 6th of Scotland, authorized 66 book bible, image of God's word, carried in your hand, memorized in your head, made to speak (the bible says) and is used as an object of worship. Your faith will fail.
Don't get me wrong, I am very conservative but I have a problem with your idea...please check Deuteronomy 12:32, Proverbs 30:5-6, Revelation 22:18-19, and Galatians 1:6-12....They all say not to add to or take from the Bible, since all scripture is God breathed.
Conservativism is the true core of American values
I look forward to the day when all the liberal traitors to our glorious nation are hanged like the government pigs they are! No more death care and no more LAWS----we don't need anymore laws we need less laws because less law makes us more free and more free is better ok
Jesus was not a Liberal neither is his Father... Where is Jesus? I am looking for some help. I have been through an awakening of profound intensity and meaning. I speak the truth and can prove what I will expose. If you please, see the information coming out at MercyCal.com. Search videos at mercycal here at YouTube. It is truthful and I can prove it. I am bound only to the truth but can seek advice from the faithful. Peace to all souls.
@kidkong584 I can agree that the modern perception of Jesus is that of a far-left, radical, flower power-ish, turn-your-cheek, love-thy-enemy hippie. But you actually read the Bible in its entirety, an act which remains uncompleted by many Christians, then you get an impression of Jesus as a violent, capricious sectarian leader, who held a seemingly agnostic position on topics like slavery. People pick and choose and justify the biblical acts of Jesus, and make him corespond to they own moral
i heard that Canada is far more tolerant and better than the US then why is it we are the NUMBER ONE donation for aid after a disaster for another country not to mention thanks to Bush Aid relief in Africa has more money now than ever before how is that for tolerant and under standing, oh wait we do that because we believe in God.
Sure -- the Bible is much too liberal. "Forgive them, for they know not what they do": (Luke 23:34). "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God" (Matthew 5:9). Can you believe that? "Forgive". "Peace". Ya gotta be kidding
@luciferoth NOTHING could be further from the truth! Yet your Obamasiah is going to MANDATE that we "redistribute the wealth" (in OTHER words, 'redistribute the WORKING MAN'S wealth and give to the LOSERS!) This nation was not ever MEANT to be a Socialist country, it is a REPUBLIC- and a supposedly FREE one at THAT! And if people want to give to other's, it should be a CHOICE- not a LAW! Same thing for healthcare... those WITH decent HC must now sacrafice it for LOWER STANDARD GOVT. RUN!
@MrMrphelps Actually, true freedom is dwindling for EVERYONE. And, for some twisted mental reason, the Liberals don't seem to mind that they're losing more rights every single day- as this corrupt Administration chips away at our Constitution and continues to destroy our very foundation. We will soon awaken one day to Socialism/ Communism and live enslaved in our OWN country!
@recyclecongress - can you give us one example of a freedom we've lost since Obama became president? One will do, but a complete list would be even better. Thanks!
@Bobob49 Do you not realize that we have an ANTI-AMERICA, MUSLIM-LOVING/APPEASING DICTATOR in the White House (instead of a "President")? Our very Constitutional rights are in jeopardy.... the gun-grabbers coming after our Rights to Bear Arms.... our Rights to Free Speech being rapidly shredded by the Hate Crimes Act....Talk Radio & RIght Wing news media being threatened for being "racist" (the Libs favorite tactic, the "Race Card")...our Healthcare about to be DICTATED by Obamacare...MOSQUES..
@recyclecongress I ran out of room.... MUSLIM MOSQUES being built that our Govt. obviously has no PROBLEM with....Sharia Law possibly being introduced in OUR country....Christians being persecuted for their religion....our OWN FLAG looked at as being "offensive" to FOREIGNERS and its displaying/wearing on shirts even DISCOURAGED because of.... the "Food Police" about to dictate what we EAT (and our "BMI" weight being demanded to disclose by our Drs!)... Congress thinking they're ROYALTY..enough?
@recyclecongress - in other words, no, you can't provide us with even one example of a freedom we have lost SINCE OBAMA WAS ELECTED PRESIDENT, but you've got plenty of ludicrous teabilly paranoia to rant on and on about. I've got my own complaints about Obama - the sell-out to the health care industry, the big bank buyouts, the escalation in Afghanistan, the failure to get rid of DADT - but at least mine are reality-based. Yours are just tired old wingnut bullshit.
@Bobob49 How ridiculous that you are still even arguing with me...after I offered SEVERAL examples of how this Administration is planning a complete takeover of every aspect of our lives (aka LOSS OF FREEDOMS)! Even the complaints that YOU have... do you not see that these are POWER GRABS in DISGUISE? Designed to control every aspect of our LIVES? Does it not concern you that they even want to REDEFINE "Separation of Powers"?! The Liberal LEFT WING are Muslim loving DICTATORS!
@recyclecongress You're a faggot. And your days are numbered. The rest of the world is becoming more and more liberal, and you will be left in the dark. The younger generations growing up are much more liberal as well.
Enjoy your false ideologies before they get put to rest.
@FlyinSpaghettiMnstr7 Correction.... I would be a LIBERTARIAN Christian. But I would gladly vote for Conservatives over Republicrats. Just out of curiousity... what's wrong with typing in "all caps?" Let me guess... you're one of those Liberal losers that wish that even FREE SPEECH was shut down?!
@roguetrip99 Actually, he's a ZEBRA... not just BLACK! But I assure you that skin color isn't the issue that us REAL Americans as a majority have with this man. Its his ANTI-AMERICA POLICIES that go against what the people want!! It's the fact that he doesn't GIVE a flying f#*k what anybody but the FAR LEFT wants! And its the fact that he is a skitzo NARCISSUS that sees himself as a DICTATOR rather than a President... and THAT is just for STARTERS!
@haiglee still fuck america, america is not a country it is a made up land we are british and we took the indians land we forced them outa there happy peaceful land for what this stupid way of life today?
@recyclecongress "fuck america!!!" and the british the british took this land from the indians they was proud people of the land and now look now crime, pollution, etc the list goes on for ever so really were british but still this land belongs to them not us they was happy people not hurting anybody and look the british came in and forced them outa there land and they faught back and lost because they didnt waste there time making guns and shit because they didn't think anything would happen!!!
@wickedJSC Indians have been American citizens since 1924 (didn't get voting rights enforced in some states until the 1940s though). Indians are just as American as any other citizen & are not British. I live in the Navajo Nation & I can say that at least some folks here love the land they live on. I do, when I really think about it. Also, many states in the union were never under British rule, some were previously Mexican (Spanish before that), French, or Russian in the case of Alaska.
@Uyarasuk true true but look this belonged to there land tey did not want to live like we dothey just wanted to o there own thing in this so called "america" but no we forced them outa this what used to be sweet injoyable land but we started war with them took them out to make what capatilizem (sorry hard time spelling that) pollution, war, hate, crime, murder, insane, crazy satanic cities. come on i have on thing to say i am not proud to be american!!!!!!!
@wickedJSC It's spelled "capitalism". The European people brought many problems & did very bad things, but it's also naïve to say America was some sort of perfect paradise; Navajo do not say there were no evils before Europeans. War, hate, crime & insanity are not European inventions and were here before. Also, unless by "we" you are excluding me, then speak for yourself & not as if I had something to do with the problems you claim responsiblity for.
@recyclecongress You don't even know the difference between socialism and communism, so you just group them together.
I can't fucking believe how ignorant you are. I'm so glad Canada is far more tolerable and liberal then you worthless, god fearing, and primitive scum.
It was about time that all this liberal crap about love, forgiveness, and charity was pulled out of the Bible! Finally Christianity can go back to what it was always meant to be: an excuse to hate everyone who is different than us.
I love this video! I just want to point out that as a Christian I find this whole "conservative bible project" to be the total abandonment of any good biblical scholarship
Comic geniuses, I wish I knew how long it takes them to write it. I think Dunlap writes most of it -- but Jackie is great --his immitation of Joquin Phoenix made my sides hurt. These two guys are funnier -- and smarter - than most parody on TV. They should have their own show-- take Huckabees!
You know how schizophrenic alcoholic homeless people walk around pissing themselves and ranting incoherently? That's why ultra-right conservatives get frustrated trying to rationalize the world in a normal way so they do shit like make Conservapedia. It's pathology. Their intellectual maturity is stuck somewhere around 11 years old.
The Bible has not been rewritten as many times as you say, although it has been retranslated, but OT scriptures have been demonstrated (using the Dead Sea Scrolls, many of which predate Jesus) to be nearly identical to what they are today. As for the Greek New Testament, it has been minorly edited, but due to early transcripts, we are fairly certain of where those edits are, and most Bibles have notes at the bottom indicating those verses.
Now, I am a conservative and a Christian, (Christian first), and I must say that these two guys really make good points in their sarcastic way. This 'Conservative Bible" is the dumbest thing I have ever heard of-worse that any other version that has come out, and there have been a lot of crummy (per)versions come out! If you really take some time and read up on the history of the texts, it's pretty amazing how God has preserved His word. Don't mess with it!
NO, actually I'm an Independent, Fundamental Baptist preacher, and speaking theologically, far more conservatives that these cranks making this 'conservative bible". To me, nothing is more conservative than the Bible whose text can be traced back to the second century, the Textus Receptus, which is the underlying text of the King James Bible.
I'm not talking about scientific facts. I'm talking about how the crusaders brought back what thought was the bible from Jerusalem and then the scrolls they brought back were put under examination by monks who took out parts that they didn't think were "holy" enough.
Saying that the bible is not scientificly accurate is the understatement of the century. Look up Eddie Izzard on Noah's ark and religion here on youtube. Check out Penn and Teller on The Bible here on youtube also. Peace!
What is not scientifically accurate about the Bible? Certainly some things we can't examine directly, like the great ages of those who lived before the flood, nor the literal 6-day creation, though neither can you do that with the Big bang or most of evolution. But much IS, in fact, verifiably accurate.
We have a spruce tree here in Sweden that is 9550 years old... According to the common estimation of when the global flood, which somehow didn't kill off that li'l spruce, occured (around 4000 BC), that spruce had been standing there a few thousand years before the flood... Heck, according to Young Earth creationism, that would make the tree a few thousand years older than Earth itself.
Wow-9550 years old? A spruce tree? Determined by carbon dating? Carbon dating has been shown to be so flawed it is rarely used anymore. Independent carbon dating has been done on a single item by different scientists that came up with wide variations of age. Your tree, I daresay, is not close to that age. But, I suppose, we'll find out about that eventually.
"Rarely used anymore"? It's one of the most widely used and well-known absolute dating techniques, buddy. I hardly believe the scientist would rely on it so much if it was completely (or even moderately) unreliable... True, it has it's limitations, especially when it comes to old wood, but even then it's fairly accurate up 'till an age of between 3000 and 5000 years... Yeah, eventually we should find some method more reliable than corbon dating (hopefully).
A primary problem with RC14 dating is that it is based on unknowable assumptions, like the decay rate, as well as the amount of Carbon 4 in the atmosphere. This can cause the dates to be off by vast amounts.
As well, more often than not, it is fossils that are dated-but being inanimate items, made of stone, if you will, since there is no living matter present any longer, they cannot be dated in this manner. As well, there is shown to be too much opinion allowed in dating.
Yeah, ukulelemike! We'll show them!!! Those scientists think they're so smart with all of their...science...those jerks!! We'll see how smart they are when they're BURNING IN HELL! YEAH!! WOO! JESUS!!!
Then you have never cast your eyes on the bible then. - You are talking bollocks. You wouldn't know "the bible" if it jumped up and shouted " look at me you fucking twat, i'm the fucking bible"
I'm not sure if I should laugh, cry, or shout "Blasphemy". So I'm going to be the conservative that I know I am and contemplate the situation and tell the liberals that they are wrong (all whilst doing nothing on my own).
oh an another thing, i dont kno what stupid liberal aethists are reading this, but they seem to want to agree with your assertions, too bad youtube is a haven for those lost kind of peeps, on the contrary to what reality and all the believers out there, and soccerguy also makes a goooodd point, too you are ignorant jesse, more than you understand, i used to somewhat be doubtuful like you, but i am educated, not like your uncaring self
This comment has received too many negative votesshow
i admit i used to be doubtful of my religion, but i took some philosophy courses at my university and it opened me to believe there IS a God and those who praise him and give him thanks will be rewarded, you do as you like, but i found my path, petrakid found his, we are at peace that doesnt sound like the case for you, you go get your pussy, your drugs and live up life cuz you got nothing to look for when you die man, so sad
i agree with petrakid, jesse ill put this out for you, if you have the ability to reeason, to use logic and intelligence, SOMETHING whether it be Nature or God himself GAVE YOU THE ABILITY to reason, unlike animals or most any other thing on this earth, now, whatever GAVE you that reasoning, must be more powerful than we can understand, your denying of a more powerful being, whther it be Jesus Christ or some unkwon powerful force, we cannont comprehend, you are shameful,
The Conservative Bible - Chapter 1, Verse 1 - "and they bombed the minions of Satan in Iran. And plague and pestulance was on the Arab nations. No man could open his mouth without it being filled with dust. And their oil was taken, and their cities put assunder. And God's world was made righteous.
One thing that bothers me, is how no holy book out there, really mentions the existance of other intelligent life forms when in fact they are real and visiting this planet. Laugh if you want, but see if your laughing after you watch Cliff Stone and Robert Dean interview also watch ufo shoots at missle. Nuclear Physicist Stanton Friedman can also shed some light on government cover ups and proof that we are being lied to about extra terrestrials. Before you call me insane, just watch these vids.
christians scream about how the bible is the holy and unalterable word of god...until and unless it suits them then they get out the whiteout. The bible has been edited by kings and priests throughout european history, why should people stop now? It's all bullshit.
What is wrong with your ratings . Goddanm. Im,if your country dumbass they love ya. If your southern country smartass , they hate you !! Fascists ,up to date by Fox and bullshitted from Ear To Shining Ear. THANKS ,crew!
Thanks T &J, you've hit a hell of a homer with this one. I love you guys!!! (in a brotherly way, please). I have to go through my past and decide which Jesus it is that I have loved, which I've shunned, which one got put in a beaker with urine in it, and which one I refer to in an expletive. You've made my life fuller, but more complicated, and I'm grateful for it!
On the second day God created Texas, and that was good.
RedHues 1 week ago
imagine that ... cherry picking the Bible
sherrilovesto 1 week ago
Great video, this was very funny
ranchguy000000001 3 weeks ago
Agree with the dude on the right. I could make the Bible so much better.
In fact, let me try, right quick. Mine will come out a little shorter.
" "
Done! See, just by leaving out the lies and immorality, I made it so much better.
It's easier to memorize, too!
rkyeun 1 month ago
XD
chasenchit 2 months ago
Mind you, these two guys are pretty funny. :)
TheSkunkCat 5 months ago
The conservative bible is the shining symbol of just how nuts the US consies have gotten.
It's high time people stopped showing them any respect and just laughed or sneered at them whenever they say something.
And the fact fundies haven't gone epic rage over the modification of their holy book shows they're utterly full of shit too. They don't believe their own religion, they just pretend to so they can feel justified being assholes.
TheSkunkCat 5 months ago
Bible aint libreal
TheRivetthead 6 months ago
Conservative people need to go to an island far away from the rest of us!
OrganNLou 6 months ago
changing the bible to a more conservative book helps make it more and more irrelevant thus supporting atheism
MrOnlinePsychology 6 months ago
It's kinda funny, because the bible says that people who change the bible will be punished greatly. Not that I care, I think it's all bullshit, but if the right wing would actually read the entire bible, they'd possibly know that.
codeythesilent 6 months ago
is this a joke?
crazydang101 6 months ago
These guys make this look so easy but it really is very intelligent and clever - have a big thumbs up from me guys - hats off...
StunnedByStupidity 6 months ago
people. The moral standards of a religion says something about where morals really come from: the zeitgeist of an era. Taking this into consideration, the fact that Jesus is perceived as all-loving and pasifistic and liberals, says alot more about liberals than it does of Jesus. People take the values that they bare (many of which are detracted from said zeitgeist), and project them onto devine, fabricated beings. Our view of Jesus says alot about us, and nothing about Jesus. It's selfprojection
Pomme843 7 months ago
@Pomme843 ... all the Jesus shit is nonsense whether you're Liberal or republican. But at least Liberals are compassionate and care about others. Conservatives are just pure evil and filled with hate.
TheTruthNow000 6 months ago
systems. That's essentially what religion is: a way to make devine and objective your own values. Religion makes you capable of claiming that your particular values and actions, are devinely justified and ratified, true and just. That's why there are so many sects and branches of Christianity: people get their values from many different sources, none of which are devine, and the claim to have the "correct" interpretation. The character and views of Jesus changes from time to time, because so do
Pomme843 7 months ago
I can't understand the guy on the left
all i under stood was "horsie"
Hypastpist 7 months ago
Conservative Bible: "On the first day, God created America.
JangoFett501 9 months ago 22
anybody can have a vison of a being talk to them in a dream and make up a book come really wtf i can have a blue taco talk to me and make up a prophet in my dream the bible is fake and why does it keep being remade? oh and did you know the satanic star behind them the person on the right look behind him?
wickedJSC 9 months ago
In the Conservative Bible, Jesus' two greatest commandments were:
1. Hate abortion and homosexuality with all your heart, mind, and soul, for these are the sins My Father abhors above all others
2. Thy right to bear arms shalt not be infringed
roguetrip99 9 months ago
I am jezus, the last jezus died in vietnam because his friend randy addicentally shot him in the face, with AMERICAN PATRIOTISM! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
*communism is a dangerous religion, so is homosexuality, yall dont even have your own gods, except justin bieber and eisenhower, ahyukhyukhyk!
pikeyo 10 months ago 4
hahaha love these guys. I love how conservatives never realize this is making fun of them.
Andy180084 10 months ago
Even a man who is pure at heart and says his prayers by night... may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms...and the autumn moon is bright.....
rickw1100 11 months ago
"i don't know how many times i've said to myself 'i could make the bible so much better' "
cruciphile 1 year ago 2
@krastapopolos Or get the Book of Mormon.
Pomme843 1 year ago
This has been flagged as spam show
is this a parody to conservatives?
jiuufctsu18 1 year ago
is this a parady to conservatives?
jiuufctsu18 1 year ago
@jiuufctsu18 It is a parody against paranoid conservative nutjobs who think that the america is governed by "liberal love bias", yes, but there are conservatives who aren't fooled by that bullshit.
Imhornydadcomeinside 10 months ago
Funny because I make these dudes yearly income in a week! LMAO!
jamesdav77 1 year ago
This has been flagged as spam show
@jamesdav77
"Funny because I make these dudes yearly income in a week! LMAO!"
#1 Most pathetic thing in the world: dubiously bragging about how much money you make on anonymous internet messsage boards.
#2 Most pathetic thing in the world: not being able to identify absurdly over-the-top satire.
jimbrown257 11 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
@jamesdav77
"Funny because I make these dudes yearly income in a week! LMAO!"
#1 Most pathetic thing in the world: highlighting your insecurity by bragging about how much money you make on anonymous internet messsage boards.
#2 Most pathetic thing in the world: not being able to identify absurdly over-the-top satire.
jimbrown257 11 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
@jamesdav77
"Funny because I make these dudes yearly income in a week! LMAO!"
#1 Most pathetic thing in the world: highlighting your insecurity by bragging about how much money you make on anonymous internet messsage boards.
#2 Most pathetic thing in the world: not being able to identify absurdly over-the-top satire.
jimbrown257 11 months ago
I love these guys. This is truly some of the best satire I've ever seen!
layla302 1 year ago
Ayyy-Mee-un! ... Did we break away from Gawd when we let women vot or -when we freed the slaves?
mythmanjay 1 year ago
This has been flagged as spam show
The BIBLE is the MARK of the BEAST! Constantine (1st beast) legalized Christianity and had 50 bibles compiled. King James, homo (2nd beast) 666 # of a man, born 1566, 6th of Scotland, authorized 66 book bible, image of God's word, carried in your hand, memorized in your head, made to speak (the bible says) and is used as an object of worship. Your faith will fail.
BIBLEisMARKofBEAST 1 year ago
Don't get me wrong, I am very conservative but I have a problem with your idea...please check Deuteronomy 12:32, Proverbs 30:5-6, Revelation 22:18-19, and Galatians 1:6-12....They all say not to add to or take from the Bible, since all scripture is God breathed.
20PhantomRegiment09 1 year ago
Votin' with your Barnes n' Nobel card!!!! ah ha.
rich2rock 1 year ago
Jesus was a conservative
He preached the true word of the gospel
not these liberal fantasies of government handouts and bleeding heart smellfare programs
Child labor is ok too! It keeps kids off the streets and gives them nice jobs with a future
oreocookieboy81 1 year ago 2
Conservativism is the true core of American values
I look forward to the day when all the liberal traitors to our glorious nation are hanged like the government pigs they are! No more death care and no more LAWS----we don't need anymore laws we need less laws because less law makes us more free and more free is better ok
oreocookieboy81 1 year ago
Bravo! Funny as hell!
vashcat 1 year ago
Ammerikans...read ? Whut's reedin' ?
5355vbxjbj76rvn 1 year ago
Watch thereforeGod is not mocked!
DRUMMERMANIAC1 1 year ago
there are two pictures of hitler on the conservapedia page on abortion lol
spiderwebb33 1 year ago
@spiderwebb33
Funny, lol. Hitler illegalized abortion for Germans to appease the Catholic Church.
nafaidni 1 year ago 2
Jesus was not a Liberal neither is his Father... Where is Jesus? I am looking for some help. I have been through an awakening of profound intensity and meaning. I speak the truth and can prove what I will expose. If you please, see the information coming out at MercyCal.com. Search videos at mercycal here at YouTube. It is truthful and I can prove it. I am bound only to the truth but can seek advice from the faithful. Peace to all souls.
MercyCal 1 year ago
boys fight way to much over this stuff.
Splangy1 1 year ago
LIVE AND LET LIVE"
the irony is you are probably against gay marriage
FlyinSpaghettiMnstr7 1 year ago
Haha amazing! Just amazing!
CarlMinez 1 year ago
You could have been praying to the Jesus of 'Peace' rather then the Jesus of America.
brianbarnett74 1 year ago
LOL! Two Jesus. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahals;dkfja;lksdjf;laksjdfl;kajsdflkxcv
Brilliant.
mrchacko 1 year ago
If the Bible is too liberal, buy the Quran!
Pomme843 1 year ago 31
Actually, the Bible is more conservative as the Quran. The Quran contains less calls to killing, less hate, and less focus on staying the stone age.
Which is why if Islam had not been stifled for 1500 years by the Christians, Christianity would look like the stone age cult it really is.
1RadicalOne 1 year ago
@Pomme843 And I say keep the Quran in the Middle East where it BELONGS!
recyclecongress 9 months ago
@Pomme843 Jesus was extremely liberal.
kidkong584 7 months ago
@kidkong584 Not to slaves, he wasn't. And his father, now that guy is a real conservative.
Pomme843 7 months ago
@Pomme843 true. I just realized that. It also says that women should bow to men. That's not too liberal.
kidkong584 7 months ago
@kidkong584 I can agree that the modern perception of Jesus is that of a far-left, radical, flower power-ish, turn-your-cheek, love-thy-enemy hippie. But you actually read the Bible in its entirety, an act which remains uncompleted by many Christians, then you get an impression of Jesus as a violent, capricious sectarian leader, who held a seemingly agnostic position on topics like slavery. People pick and choose and justify the biblical acts of Jesus, and make him corespond to they own moral
Pomme843 7 months ago
@Pomme843 Yeah. I fully agree.
kidkong584 7 months ago
@dalhar20 YOUR A SATANIST LIBEZRALL
Addamondes 1 year ago
To say Christians and conservatives are interchangeable terms is stupid I believe in Jesus and I more on the liberal side of things
dalhar20 1 year ago 2
@dalhar20 And to think they are being "serious" is NOT 'stupid' how?
mythmanjay 1 year ago
i heard that Canada is far more tolerant and better than the US then why is it we are the NUMBER ONE donation for aid after a disaster for another country not to mention thanks to Bush Aid relief in Africa has more money now than ever before how is that for tolerant and under standing, oh wait we do that because we believe in God.
technosportsman75 1 year ago
Define socialism.
MrMrphelps 1 year ago 2
wondering how many liberals like me love to watch you guys!!! thats some funny shit ole Jackie says!! where is the new ones!!!!!!!
chefdstair 1 year ago
Sure -- the Bible is much too liberal. "Forgive them, for they know not what they do": (Luke 23:34). "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God" (Matthew 5:9). Can you believe that? "Forgive". "Peace". Ya gotta be kidding
michael1618034 1 year ago
if youre not socialist youre probably really dumb and greedy
luciferoth 1 year ago
@luciferoth NOTHING could be further from the truth! Yet your Obamasiah is going to MANDATE that we "redistribute the wealth" (in OTHER words, 'redistribute the WORKING MAN'S wealth and give to the LOSERS!) This nation was not ever MEANT to be a Socialist country, it is a REPUBLIC- and a supposedly FREE one at THAT! And if people want to give to other's, it should be a CHOICE- not a LAW! Same thing for healthcare... those WITH decent HC must now sacrafice it for LOWER STANDARD GOVT. RUN!
recyclecongress 1 year ago
@recyclecongress the irony of a free republic is that there is no freedom but for the middle class and up.
MrMrphelps 1 year ago
@MrMrphelps Actually, true freedom is dwindling for EVERYONE. And, for some twisted mental reason, the Liberals don't seem to mind that they're losing more rights every single day- as this corrupt Administration chips away at our Constitution and continues to destroy our very foundation. We will soon awaken one day to Socialism/ Communism and live enslaved in our OWN country!
recyclecongress 1 year ago
@recyclecongress - can you give us one example of a freedom we've lost since Obama became president? One will do, but a complete list would be even better. Thanks!
Bobob49 1 year ago
@Bobob49 Do you not realize that we have an ANTI-AMERICA, MUSLIM-LOVING/APPEASING DICTATOR in the White House (instead of a "President")? Our very Constitutional rights are in jeopardy.... the gun-grabbers coming after our Rights to Bear Arms.... our Rights to Free Speech being rapidly shredded by the Hate Crimes Act....Talk Radio & RIght Wing news media being threatened for being "racist" (the Libs favorite tactic, the "Race Card")...our Healthcare about to be DICTATED by Obamacare...MOSQUES..
recyclecongress 1 year ago
@recyclecongress I ran out of room.... MUSLIM MOSQUES being built that our Govt. obviously has no PROBLEM with....Sharia Law possibly being introduced in OUR country....Christians being persecuted for their religion....our OWN FLAG looked at as being "offensive" to FOREIGNERS and its displaying/wearing on shirts even DISCOURAGED because of.... the "Food Police" about to dictate what we EAT (and our "BMI" weight being demanded to disclose by our Drs!)... Congress thinking they're ROYALTY..enough?
recyclecongress 1 year ago
@recyclecongress - in other words, no, you can't provide us with even one example of a freedom we have lost SINCE OBAMA WAS ELECTED PRESIDENT, but you've got plenty of ludicrous teabilly paranoia to rant on and on about. I've got my own complaints about Obama - the sell-out to the health care industry, the big bank buyouts, the escalation in Afghanistan, the failure to get rid of DADT - but at least mine are reality-based. Yours are just tired old wingnut bullshit.
Bobob49 1 year ago
Comment removed
recyclecongress 1 year ago
@Bobob49 How ridiculous that you are still even arguing with me...after I offered SEVERAL examples of how this Administration is planning a complete takeover of every aspect of our lives (aka LOSS OF FREEDOMS)! Even the complaints that YOU have... do you not see that these are POWER GRABS in DISGUISE? Designed to control every aspect of our LIVES? Does it not concern you that they even want to REDEFINE "Separation of Powers"?! The Liberal LEFT WING are Muslim loving DICTATORS!
recyclecongress 1 year ago
@recyclecongress Hahahahaha. You fools slay me.
jymbo1969 1 year ago
@recyclecongress You're a faggot. And your days are numbered. The rest of the world is becoming more and more liberal, and you will be left in the dark. The younger generations growing up are much more liberal as well.
Enjoy your false ideologies before they get put to rest.
metalmatthias 1 year ago
Comment removed
recyclecongress 1 year ago
@recyclecongress i love how you can tell when a conservative christians post just by the word being caps, lol.
FlyinSpaghettiMnstr7 1 year ago
@FlyinSpaghettiMnstr7 Correction.... I would be a LIBERTARIAN Christian. But I would gladly vote for Conservatives over Republicrats. Just out of curiousity... what's wrong with typing in "all caps?" Let me guess... you're one of those Liberal losers that wish that even FREE SPEECH was shut down?!
recyclecongress 1 year ago
@recyclecongress i'm not trying to take away your rights to look like a moron typing in caps.
FlyinSpaghettiMnstr7 1 year ago
@FlyinSpaghettiMnstr7 Oh well..... LIVE AND LET LIVE is my motto. Maybe YOU should try it
recyclecongress 1 year ago
@recyclecongress Okay, take a deep breath and repeat after me:
"I hate Obama because he's black"
Go on, it's okay.
roguetrip99 9 months ago
@roguetrip99 Actually, he's a ZEBRA... not just BLACK! But I assure you that skin color isn't the issue that us REAL Americans as a majority have with this man. Its his ANTI-AMERICA POLICIES that go against what the people want!! It's the fact that he doesn't GIVE a flying f#*k what anybody but the FAR LEFT wants! And its the fact that he is a skitzo NARCISSUS that sees himself as a DICTATOR rather than a President... and THAT is just for STARTERS!
recyclecongress 9 months ago
@recyclecongress CAPITALIZING random WORDS AUTOMATICALLY makes me RIGHT!!!
roguetrip99 9 months ago
@recyclecongress Retard. I'm a REAL American. And I think YOU suck.
haiglee 9 months ago
@haiglee no your british dumb ass do some history search!!
wickedJSC 9 months ago
@wickedJSC Dipshit, I was replying to recyclecongress, not you.
haiglee 9 months ago
@haiglee still fuck america, america is not a country it is a made up land we are british and we took the indians land we forced them outa there happy peaceful land for what this stupid way of life today?
wickedJSC 9 months ago
@wickedJSC I don't care you stupid whack job. Now, FUCK OFF!
haiglee 9 months ago
@haiglee of course you don't care thats the normal so called americans mind......
wickedJSC 9 months ago
@wickedJSC What part of FUCK OFF do you have trouble understanding?
haiglee 9 months ago
@recyclecongress "fuck america!!!" and the british the british took this land from the indians they was proud people of the land and now look now crime, pollution, etc the list goes on for ever so really were british but still this land belongs to them not us they was happy people not hurting anybody and look the british came in and forced them outa there land and they faught back and lost because they didnt waste there time making guns and shit because they didn't think anything would happen!!!
wickedJSC 9 months ago
@wickedJSC Indians have been American citizens since 1924 (didn't get voting rights enforced in some states until the 1940s though). Indians are just as American as any other citizen & are not British. I live in the Navajo Nation & I can say that at least some folks here love the land they live on. I do, when I really think about it. Also, many states in the union were never under British rule, some were previously Mexican (Spanish before that), French, or Russian in the case of Alaska.
Uyarasuk 9 months ago
@Uyarasuk true true but look this belonged to there land tey did not want to live like we dothey just wanted to o there own thing in this so called "america" but no we forced them outa this what used to be sweet injoyable land but we started war with them took them out to make what capatilizem (sorry hard time spelling that) pollution, war, hate, crime, murder, insane, crazy satanic cities. come on i have on thing to say i am not proud to be american!!!!!!!
wickedJSC 9 months ago
Comment removed
Uyarasuk 9 months ago
@wickedJSC It's spelled "capitalism". The European people brought many problems & did very bad things, but it's also naïve to say America was some sort of perfect paradise; Navajo do not say there were no evils before Europeans. War, hate, crime & insanity are not European inventions and were here before. Also, unless by "we" you are excluding me, then speak for yourself & not as if I had something to do with the problems you claim responsiblity for.
Uyarasuk 9 months ago
@Uyarasuk i give up all im saying is this land belongs to the indians not spoiled american, screw america!!!!
wickedJSC 9 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
@Uyarasuk i give up all im saying is this land belongs to the indians not spoiled americans, screw america!!!!
wickedJSC 9 months ago
@recyclecongress You don't even know the difference between socialism and communism, so you just group them together.
I can't fucking believe how ignorant you are. I'm so glad Canada is far more tolerable and liberal then you worthless, god fearing, and primitive scum.
metalmatthias 1 year ago
Comment removed
recyclecongress 1 year ago 2
This has been flagged as spam show
It was about time that all this liberal crap about love, forgiveness, and charity was pulled out of the Bible! Finally Christianity can go back to what it was always meant to be: an excuse to hate everyone who is different than us.
MastermindX 1 year ago 43
@MastermindX Many people read the Bible for the same reason they read Greek myths. Cultural interest and/or entertainment.
4squaredby4times4 10 months ago
@MastermindX you liberals dont get it do you lol
sk8erfreak9242 6 months ago
Supercres420 reeks with inteligence only a geniouse could come up with something that smart and not make himself look like a dumbass for saying it
Loganasoar 1 year ago
Very well done. I'm subscribin'.
MrWarProfiteer 1 year ago
YE that libbbbrrraaaaallllll Bible aint worth no nothin. Bible? more like communist manifesto.
Emin3mRulez 1 year ago
im a christian conservative and honestly this is really offensive.
kylerich2010ARMY 1 year ago
@kylerich2010ARMY yeah? well youre a fucking douchebag then. all christian conservatives are
supercres420 1 year ago
@supercres420 are? the maturity in your reply is amazing. im a fucking douchebag because THESE guys are baggin on the bible....ok buddy
kylerich2010ARMY 1 year ago
@kylerich2010ARMY good, because you're an idiot
Savaril 1 year ago
@kylerich2010ARMY You are offensive to the human race. Go hate some gays or whatever.
MastermindX 1 year ago
@kylerich2010ARMY You are a moron.
gbroughman 10 months ago
you guys rule. you should come to my crib in the a and we'll blazed it up to some mars volta.
swansong200 1 year ago
I love this video! I just want to point out that as a Christian I find this whole "conservative bible project" to be the total abandonment of any good biblical scholarship
AlanJacksonisgreat 1 year ago
Comic geniuses, I wish I knew how long it takes them to write it. I think Dunlap writes most of it -- but Jackie is great --his immitation of Joquin Phoenix made my sides hurt. These two guys are funnier -- and smarter - than most parody on TV. They should have their own show-- take Huckabees!
BullshipDetector 1 year ago
hahahahh people getting stoned. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!
britzman1 1 year ago
This is so well done you almost can't see the satire. Bravo gentlemen.
petehjr1 1 year ago
YOU ARE THE BOMB!!!!!!!!!1
Check out my video on Republican jesus
He teaches:
"Don't read the poor, it's makes them lazy"
"If you heal the sick without getting paid, that's socialism"
"Blessed are the warmongers"
CHECK ME :)
HopeForPeaceNow 1 year ago
lolol
sweetgothicrevenge 1 year ago
You know how schizophrenic alcoholic homeless people walk around pissing themselves and ranting incoherently? That's why ultra-right conservatives get frustrated trying to rationalize the world in a normal way so they do shit like make Conservapedia. It's pathology. Their intellectual maturity is stuck somewhere around 11 years old.
LordPaynus 1 year ago
Sorry but I am not going to buy their bible. I'll stick with my own thank you. I can't trust any body to miss with bibles I mean how can trust them?
301Goldstar 1 year ago
The Conservative Bible Project just shows that Schlafly worships his political beliefs more than his religion.
WinglessIceAngel 2 years ago 2
Above all he is a cretin of cosmical dimension.
hunchbacked 2 years ago
God is just an idea. Peace!
Lingerfoot 1 year ago
@Lingerfoot us being alive is an idea too ;) maybe we are dreaming ..lol
WestVfan 1 year ago
"Conservative Bible" ... that and the number of other times that the "word of god" has been RE-WRITTEN just further proves how stupid religion is.
schmoborama 2 years ago
Hi :)
The Bible has not been rewritten as many times as you say, although it has been retranslated, but OT scriptures have been demonstrated (using the Dead Sea Scrolls, many of which predate Jesus) to be nearly identical to what they are today. As for the Greek New Testament, it has been minorly edited, but due to early transcripts, we are fairly certain of where those edits are, and most Bibles have notes at the bottom indicating those verses.
Just FYI :)
madmax3789 2 years ago
This is a joke. Yes, it's satire. How utterly stupid.
FrameGleaner 2 years ago
Actually, there is a conservative bible in progress, for real.
mmm413 2 years ago
Now, I am a conservative and a Christian, (Christian first), and I must say that these two guys really make good points in their sarcastic way. This 'Conservative Bible" is the dumbest thing I have ever heard of-worse that any other version that has come out, and there have been a lot of crummy (per)versions come out! If you really take some time and read up on the history of the texts, it's pretty amazing how God has preserved His word. Don't mess with it!
ukulelemike 2 years ago 3
Are you a fan of Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens? Look up George Carlin on religion and The Ten commandments here on youtube. Peace!
Lingerfoot 2 years ago
NO, actually I'm an Independent, Fundamental Baptist preacher, and speaking theologically, far more conservatives that these cranks making this 'conservative bible". To me, nothing is more conservative than the Bible whose text can be traced back to the second century, the Textus Receptus, which is the underlying text of the King James Bible.
ukulelemike 2 years ago
I'm pretty sure that the bible is the most scrutinized book in the history of man.
thenewguy461 2 years ago
For good reason, alot of it is not scientificly accuret
pbrskater26 2 years ago
I'm not talking about scientific facts. I'm talking about how the crusaders brought back what thought was the bible from Jerusalem and then the scrolls they brought back were put under examination by monks who took out parts that they didn't think were "holy" enough.
thenewguy461 2 years ago
Saying that the bible is not scientificly accurate is the understatement of the century. Look up Eddie Izzard on Noah's ark and religion here on youtube. Check out Penn and Teller on The Bible here on youtube also. Peace!
Lingerfoot 2 years ago
What is not scientifically accurate about the Bible? Certainly some things we can't examine directly, like the great ages of those who lived before the flood, nor the literal 6-day creation, though neither can you do that with the Big bang or most of evolution. But much IS, in fact, verifiably accurate.
ukulelemike 2 years ago
We have a spruce tree here in Sweden that is 9550 years old... According to the common estimation of when the global flood, which somehow didn't kill off that li'l spruce, occured (around 4000 BC), that spruce had been standing there a few thousand years before the flood... Heck, according to Young Earth creationism, that would make the tree a few thousand years older than Earth itself.
GrahamChapman 2 years ago 2
Wow-9550 years old? A spruce tree? Determined by carbon dating? Carbon dating has been shown to be so flawed it is rarely used anymore. Independent carbon dating has been done on a single item by different scientists that came up with wide variations of age. Your tree, I daresay, is not close to that age. But, I suppose, we'll find out about that eventually.
ukulelemike 2 years ago
"Rarely used anymore"? It's one of the most widely used and well-known absolute dating techniques, buddy. I hardly believe the scientist would rely on it so much if it was completely (or even moderately) unreliable... True, it has it's limitations, especially when it comes to old wood, but even then it's fairly accurate up 'till an age of between 3000 and 5000 years... Yeah, eventually we should find some method more reliable than corbon dating (hopefully).
GrahamChapman 2 years ago 2
A primary problem with RC14 dating is that it is based on unknowable assumptions, like the decay rate, as well as the amount of Carbon 4 in the atmosphere. This can cause the dates to be off by vast amounts.
As well, more often than not, it is fossils that are dated-but being inanimate items, made of stone, if you will, since there is no living matter present any longer, they cannot be dated in this manner. As well, there is shown to be too much opinion allowed in dating.
ukulelemike 1 year ago
Yeah, ukulelemike! We'll show them!!! Those scientists think they're so smart with all of their...science...those jerks!! We'll see how smart they are when they're BURNING IN HELL! YEAH!! WOO! JESUS!!!
LordPaynus 1 year ago
and i thought god was love? why not pray or them rather than hope for their eternal damnation?
sweetgothicrevenge 1 year ago
i agree with jafrwa1, why not? come on conservatives, you cant come this far and then not go further.
MrBitchesnHose 2 years ago
The Bible has been changed many times over the centuries mostly for political reasons. If conservatives want to change it again, more power to them.
jafrwa1 2 years ago
There's only one Bible. Any one who edits it makes it something completely wrong.
I think the Da Vinci Code is a bunch of BS...
minisoda1234 2 years ago 3
Then you have never cast your eyes on the bible then. - You are talking bollocks. You wouldn't know "the bible" if it jumped up and shouted " look at me you fucking twat, i'm the fucking bible"
TheSpankymonkey 2 years ago
ha ha ha ha ha
pbrskater26 2 years ago
excuse me? I know what a bible is, I have two, I read it. you cant say I dont know what a bible is, you dont know me, so you cant judge me.
minisoda1234 2 years ago
So what I'm hearing is.... there's a liberal Jesus, and there's the Antichrist.
kittydreamz86 2 years ago
"Conservative Jesus is, above all else, a businessman."
"Conservative Da Vinci Code"
Pure Genius guys, as usual
skwrrl70 2 years ago
I love Jackie he's the greatest
AMPSPro 2 years ago
I'm not sure if I should laugh, cry, or shout "Blasphemy". So I'm going to be the conservative that I know I am and contemplate the situation and tell the liberals that they are wrong (all whilst doing nothing on my own).
victotronthepokemon 2 years ago
This has been flagged as spam show
oh an another thing, i dont kno what stupid liberal aethists are reading this, but they seem to want to agree with your assertions, too bad youtube is a haven for those lost kind of peeps, on the contrary to what reality and all the believers out there, and soccerguy also makes a goooodd point, too you are ignorant jesse, more than you understand, i used to somewhat be doubtuful like you, but i am educated, not like your uncaring self
TexanBull57 2 years ago
haha, after reading your posts, i believe you should ask for your tuition back.
ratfink2099 2 years ago 9
naa im good i dont wanna go work at mcdonalds with you and your family the rest of my life, so ill stick to college ;)
TexanBull57 2 years ago
haha wow this is more of a haven than aethiests than i thot, yall need to get educated some sad peeps
TexanBull57 2 years ago
your razor sharp wit and attention to grammar and spelling has cut me down. i concede, sir.
ratfink2099 2 years ago 13
This comment has received too many negative votes show
i admit i used to be doubtful of my religion, but i took some philosophy courses at my university and it opened me to believe there IS a God and those who praise him and give him thanks will be rewarded, you do as you like, but i found my path, petrakid found his, we are at peace that doesnt sound like the case for you, you go get your pussy, your drugs and live up life cuz you got nothing to look for when you die man, so sad
TexanBull57 2 years ago
i agree with petrakid, jesse ill put this out for you, if you have the ability to reeason, to use logic and intelligence, SOMETHING whether it be Nature or God himself GAVE YOU THE ABILITY to reason, unlike animals or most any other thing on this earth, now, whatever GAVE you that reasoning, must be more powerful than we can understand, your denying of a more powerful being, whther it be Jesus Christ or some unkwon powerful force, we cannont comprehend, you are shameful,
TexanBull57 2 years ago
Comment removed
jessie74 2 years ago
fuck I cant stand the lying fucking book they call the bible anyway
sage0857 2 years ago 5
The Conservative Bible - Chapter 1, Verse 1 - "and they bombed the minions of Satan in Iran. And plague and pestulance was on the Arab nations. No man could open his mouth without it being filled with dust. And their oil was taken, and their cities put assunder. And God's world was made righteous.
CrocodileAvoider 2 years ago
One thing that bothers me, is how no holy book out there, really mentions the existance of other intelligent life forms when in fact they are real and visiting this planet. Laugh if you want, but see if your laughing after you watch Cliff Stone and Robert Dean interview also watch ufo shoots at missle. Nuclear Physicist Stanton Friedman can also shed some light on government cover ups and proof that we are being lied to about extra terrestrials. Before you call me insane, just watch these vids.
UnbreakableMan1988 2 years ago
christians scream about how the bible is the holy and unalterable word of god...until and unless it suits them then they get out the whiteout. The bible has been edited by kings and priests throughout european history, why should people stop now? It's all bullshit.
GretchenDawntreader 2 years ago
"Whiteout" the bilble? Very Clever term.
tombstonetom 2 years ago
What is wrong with your ratings . Goddanm. Im,if your country dumbass they love ya. If your southern country smartass , they hate you !! Fascists ,up to date by Fox and bullshitted from Ear To Shining Ear. THANKS ,crew!
steviebkhall 2 years ago
are these guys for real?
Badergader 2 years ago
No. The RedState Update is for entertainment purposes only.
They're kind of like the Stephen Colbert of YouTube -- being stereotypical conservatives to make a point. I love them.
smcgrg 2 years ago 3
Keep Religion out of Politics, that's the only thing I cannot stand as a Republican, is some Religious nut job pushing his propaganda in my face.
I believe in god but don't force people to believe what you do.
silversatisfaction 2 years ago
You people scare me.
porkpieisback 2 years ago
Did I walk into a Planned Parenthood version of the Twilight Zone? WTF is going on with the comments a few hrs ago?
It's like a David Lynch movie or some shit!
satirewriter07 2 years ago
Thanks T &J, you've hit a hell of a homer with this one. I love you guys!!! (in a brotherly way, please). I have to go through my past and decide which Jesus it is that I have loved, which I've shunned, which one got put in a beaker with urine in it, and which one I refer to in an expletive. You've made my life fuller, but more complicated, and I'm grateful for it!
pejoka 2 years ago
Im apolitical, and you guys make my fucking day.
happycarnage 2 years ago