Jesus Cries when You Touch Yourself!

[MetroidKingofMetroid]

I'm going to make Jesus cry like a baby!

[bigtexansfan]

@MetroidKingofMetroid LOL!!

[metalisbetter1o00]

I find this easy to masturbate to

[metalisbetter1o00]

I find this easy to masturbate to

[TheRC120]

wow no wonder christians are so uptight! They never give their nether regions some lovin.

[nukeusa911x2]

So back then people were ashamed to have penises?

[LordNecron8]

ignorantes



[EconAtheist]

Strong, positive correlation between sexual repression and increased violence in societies.

That is all.

[xXterjooXx]

Jesus Laughs when Christians make this kind of bull-shit up .

[Jo4brains1]

if your in diapers, you shouldn't be masturbating anyway

[ShadowChanceSassy]

@Jo4brains1

Babies masturbate when they have their diapers changed or when having their baths taken. They don't know any better and they're just exploring their bodies. That is all. The only thing that's wrong is doing it in public. Parents these days say to their children that they can do it in their rooms and/or away from everyone else.

[MrBrunothedog]

I'm going to hell...

[cakes37]

WHAT?!?!?.....THE ......FUCK?

[TheKamora23]

How the hell does anyone tell you what you can and cant do to your body. Its not harming anyone. It relieves stress. Jesus was a good speaker and a smart man nothing more nothing less and he was in no way related to.... "god"

[VincentBrooke1]

As a wise hedgehog once said: "It's YOUR body..."

[gamelink99]

if Jesus cries when you Masterbrate he will tern suicidal when you have sex

[ughzean]

jesus is dead so he doesnt care

[plazmafeld]

My mom carved open my tendor pleasure sencor

There is a scar on my penis

[LuigiMario299]

how is masturbation bad? its easy! you stroke: front and back for girls you just use fingers! again back and forth!

[mkfan1997]

americans against maturbation they should be against abortion!

[xInnerCityKids]

@mkfan1997 i no i hate america PS i am american

[gingowitch]

@mkfan1997 They should be against both of the above and plus circumcision.

[Sabeltann9]

If this is right then he must be emo by now.

[irongeorge94]

3 year old kids masturbating, that's so fucking normal

[ZaphedBeebleBrox]

fuk jesus. let him cry and faint.

[wiggles3roblox]

Stfu.

[optician01]

relax people its supposed to be funny!

[markkiz2304]

So Jesus is an emo. He has been crying for 2000 years.

[SEThatered]

Questions to all religious people out there:

Does jesus cries when monkeys masturbate???

Does god smite them for that?

[SEThatered]

I just burst into luaghing, when i think, that

two perverts watch me masturbating anywhere.

What's more disturbing: one of them cries watching!

[boGonzo94]

FUCKING JESUS FUCKING GOD !!!!!! FUCKING ABERGLAUBE

[fucked13up]

hhahahahah all time classic

[unitedstateskingdom]

how is it rong to pleaser yourself really a guy has to do what a guy has to do

[CPUMaster500]

I'm disgusted by this video. Not at the kids, masturbation at that age is about as normal as thumbsucking. It's the parents that offend me. Especially that bitch at 0:13. Slapping him like that just for touching himself, especially when he probably doesn't know any better. That's some HORRIBLE fucking parenting!

My 3yo daughter loves to play with herself. No big deal. I just teach her to do it privately.But If I EVER saw someone slap her for it i would beat the living shit out of them!

[laserbeak43]

LOL!!!!

[Dracovolan2]

if he cries when u touch yourself then he will crying cos of me

[TheDeadBranch]

And he doesn't cries when children get killed without a reason in gaza ? and some of them starves to death in africa , and what about the people whom suffers in hell ?

bullshit ......

[jaygirl942]

You have got to be kidding...This is so ninetten fifties American shit, it's incredible.

[iamcool1323]

Justin Timberlake must masterbate fuck loads, as the song goes 'CRY ME A RIVER'

[iamcool1323]

mmmm, never seen a baby with a boner before,

[MrBrunothedog]

i didn't know babies could jerk it.

[geforceoc]

Well then Jesus you more crying coming your way.

[pinkfurryhat]

Then jesus has shed millions of tears for me.

[Busbee100]

well up masturbating is fun...good for you...and ummm most pepl dnt do it in front of there moms ROLF

[Forrest569]

Jesus may cry when you touch yourself.

but he gets pissed off when grown men hang around with little boys in there underwear.

0:15

[XandiW91]

burn in hell fucking mormons!

[CPUMaster500]

I agree. Mormons don't believe in birth control, they fuck like rabbits, and then say it's wrong to masturbate? Get the fuck outta here with that bullshit. My kids play with themselves all the time, I don't give a rat's ass. It doesn't affect my world.....

[KidVlogger317]

Did one of the mothers say "Oh honey, you make me so horny"? LAWL!

[erdalea20]

Onan masterbated and spilled his seed that is the closest thing to masterbation being a Sin, but Onan was punished because he did not impregnate his brothers wife, for his brother died etc.....

[TheEddykotta]

CRY JESUS ; CRY!!!!

[DragonX7777]

Dude everyone masturbates, there is no sin in the bible that saids anything about masterbation. The bible wants us pure, not strict.

[bartman1238]

why are these kids in they underwear in front of they parents anyhow that is stupid

[shreku24]

Don't tell me people, that touching own pennis or vagina is good - no matter if your a child or adult.

[chablemon]

but dont tell me that touching my pennis its bad!! I touch it whenever I want to

[wowpapa]

lol

[Crazydog7]

No way in hell this would get produced today.

[yaynorth123]

fucking mormon monkeys

[tbagthomas]

Hahahahahahaha

"Oh honey, you make me so ashamed of you."

[geroz1000]

Conocer tu cuerpo y experimentar placer es parte de la vida.

Dios nos quiere poderosos, no mojigatos e ignorantes o medievales ignorantes.

[daalanparsonsproject]

jesus just like most preists is a peadophilic pervert please no one reply to this trying to force your beliefs on me

[periwinkle56]

bahahahaha stupid right wing conservatives. how did I even get this forward? let teh kids touch themselves! lol

[pistolpete667]

ive made jesus cry trillions of time by now and trillions more to cum

[nerdtastic12345]

God must cry AAALLLLLLLLOOOOOTTT!

[luckynumber58]

god can kiss my ass...on seccond thought he can suck my dick

[lemons45632]

Sperm dies within 24 hours so why waste it?

[larrypearson1]

You should punch them in the nuts when they are doing that. LOL! They will stop better.

[cubaclips]

This is so asinine! And why do they videotape kids touching their privates? Hmmmm

[longb2011]

lmao there has been a time before when i beat off in a hotel and whiped my scat on the bible. Take that, old testimate.

[Crazydog7]

I'm reminded of that Ron White bit about the time his Grandma caught him jacking off. The bible says it is better for you to spill your seed in the belly of a whore then masturbate. OK grandma have you got 50 bucks?

[davidls11]

"Oh honey, you're doing it all wrong. Here, let Mommy show you."

[aldiakaroofus]

To hold it in and get blue balls instead of pleasuring yourself can lead to prostate cancer. Proof that religion is just a bunch of mind-controlling bullshit, like George Carlin used to say. Religion shouldn't be more than suggestions of how to live a better life, not rules on what you can and cannot do. We have laws and the justice system for that. I'm so glad to live in Canada, not Jesusland.

[CPUMaster500]

True. It's a medically proven fact that masturbation has many health benefits for men. I'm not sure what benefits there are (if any) for women, but they do it too.

I don't know why the hell masturbation is so taboo. Just about everyone does it. People of all ages, both male and female. They just don't want to admit it for some reason.

Hell, I masturbate all the time. And my kids do it too.

[shalomyahweh911]

canada has a lot of muslims! allah ha ha!

and mucho mucho christians ! ha ! AND FRENCH FERRIES! MIND CONTROLLING BULLSHIT IS ALSO FOUND IN MANIFESTOS CREEDS OR DECLERATIONS AS IN GOVERNMENTS NATIONALISM AND NATIONAL IDELOLOGICAL PRIDE ..YOU HYPOCRITE ARE NO DIFFRENT AND THE BIBLE DOESNT CONTROL YOUR MIND ...WE ARE ALL BORN FREE MORAL AGENTS NUMNUTS!

[mafrimu]

Mein Gott sind die Amis gestört... Da wundert es nicht, wenn die Moslems denken müssen, dass alle Christen was an der Waffel haben!

[shalomyahweh911]

if you shake it more than three times you are playing with yourself! then again one is not prone from sexual pleasure and desire ..regardless of sexual orientation. the point is to try hard to not think perversly and give in to our weaknesses of the flesh! it is hard because we are all created and born in the image of adam and eve whom inherited sin and imperfection, passed down to us this very day! Christ admonishes us to act with restraint with a view to good morality!

[Swatsinger]

I get the feeling that Christ was really doing body shots off of strippers and getting blasted every Friday night.

Famous people do that.

[davidls11]

Jesus cries, "Yeah baby! Stroke that little pussy! Beat that cock!"

[GodGuided]

So sence a child who does not know better toutches his/her self, that means it is ok for adults to masterbate. Makes tons of sence.

Masterbation can fall under lust. You lusting for someone you can't have, or lusting for sex that you can't have.

Children also like to taste their poo, and stick forks in the outlet, I guess that is ok for adults to bring to the extreme as well.

[VivaLaBamEpisodes]

lol funny and cute, my younger brother and sister are always "learning about their body"

[DanielaDineva]

I masturbate for peace almost every day

[mindgame0000000]

I masturbate a lot myself

[pooprocks789]

Im a christian, but i dont belive masturbation condems you, never in the bible does it mention the fact that its wrong, most christians simply belive that its just as bad as fornication(only with youself). I myself belive thats using children in this video was stupid and ignorante becasue a child does not know better. Christians should rely on the bible and not on what they think is right.

[TheSoSoAgnostic]

Actually there is something like 'it's better to spill your seed on the belly of a whore than to do it yourself.'

Of course, that might just mean it's more satisfying.

[davidls11]

Every time I jerk off I "spill my seed" on the belly of a whore. :)

[mathttr]

Jesus probably laughed when He discovered that some people actually believe this.

[mafurock33]

@mathttr

jesus cries because he wants to touch it too.

[Mushuukyou]

@mathttr Jesus is too busy not existing to do anything at all about anything anywhere. :)

[wonderall100]

@Mushuukyou WOW! ARE YOU IN FOR A HUGE SUPRISE!!!

[Mushuukyou]

@wonderall100 No, actually I'm not... and you have no evidence to show your position is true. Fail on your part.

[gingowitch]

@mathttr touching yourself makes you crippled. Check out happehtheory . com. And baby boys dont touch themselves. It simply doesnt happen naturally. The people in this video are part of the forces of evil and FORCED the boys to touch their penis so that they would not grow up to be as strong as they should be.

[CoD4evr]

i think you christian's "jesus" should spend less time crying over kids exploring THEIR bodies, and more time in africa

[leftjab19]

jesus say's love thy self.

[SaiyanVes]

"Oh honey you make me so ashamed of you" my goodness, of all the things you can hate your kids for, them beating off shouldn't be one of them.

[TheSoSoAgnostic]

I do think it is appropriate to teach your child that it's not something you should do in front of people.

"...of all the things you can hate your kids for ...." What an odd choice of words.

[SaiyanVes]

I agree with you, I was just making fun of the dialogue in the video when the lady said she was ashamed. Its hard to sound sarcastic when I have to type it out.

[mx2itb]

WTF!?

[Darkmoon0999]

jesus fucked hos before, old news.

remeember that god and Satan loves us.

[nihaozonguo]

christians are so stupids it's very funny

have sex when u want and use condoms

[manslutt]

*bows*

im soo glad there are still people who have intellect, i was beginning to think i was one of the only ones left

[OptimisPrimeRib]

uhhh, are they at a doctor's appointment or what, because y would the kids just be randomly on a table in a diaper, and then an adult is just sitting next to them?

[LEDPENNY]

ven I coming to america I think masterbaiter is a skilled hook and line man in fishingk. now dis shoke mekk me cry.

[yioka]

i touch myself several times an hour so does that mean gods having a breakdown or the fuck nob that thought of this clip is a wanker

[ariaraad]

Jesus Touches Himself When You Cry!

[LadyInsanity2x]

I heard he doesn't listen too.

[CPUMaster500]

Horrible, AWFUL video. This video is so bad, it's unratable.  0 stars!!

Instead of trying to make your kids feel ashamed for exploring their bodies, why don't you all go fuck yourselves too!!

[hurikayne1]

I'm just trying to figure out who fucked the parents. A more realistic video would've been the children asking the parents to touch themselves instead of procreating and polluting the planet with more ugly people. Barf bags.

[Pantothensaeure]

cheesus hasn't got any tears left, just because of YOU, king of masturbators.

seriously, that's the most stupid vid i've ever ever ever seen

if I could give 0* I would

by the way, the church is a phase-out model

[YBPhotoeditor06]

Our Nature has targeted pleasures since early life. Erotic zones give most pleasure. Kids act with instinct. It's dirty. Sex can be only used for creation of mankind according to Divine Will. We have to wait for it at the right time with conscience. These kids must be protected by dressing them well giving them less chances to touch. When they are used to it, they will not touch. It is true that Jesus & we don't like it. Give them good religious Education for "Mens Sana In Corpore Sano." Thanks.

[themisisalive]

Really? You really believe God intends us to be ignorant of our own bodies? That it's "nasty" when we do it? Making them think that sex is "nasty" or "dirty" develops in them unhealthy views on sex. I for one will encourage my child's exploration of themselves. To be completely honest, I'd rather my child knew everything there is to know about sex BEFORE s/he has it. You wouldn't keep your child from playing with their ears would you? It's pure ignorance to separate the two except in public.

[CPUMaster500]

I couldn't have said it any better, themisisalive

My 3-year-old daughter plays with herself all the time. I don't discourage her from doing it either. It's her body, and she has the right to touch any part that she wants to!!

[wiggles3roblox]

Ok i think touching ur self is fine... but 3 years old?

[CPUMaster500]

@wiggles3roblox what's so weird about it? It's not uncommon at all for toddlers to touch themselves. It's not like there's anything sexual about it. She's just curious and likes to explore herself. I don't think its right to punish her for it, because at her age she probably doesn't know any better. I don't let her sit and do that shit in front of me, if she does i put a stop to it. But If she's alone at the time i just ignore it. I respect my kids privacy, i dont like to bother her

[TheOnlyPedobear]

@CPUMaster500 Pics please?

[minonachan]

@wiggles3roblox yes its normal, those children wnat to learn about theire bodys, read about freud!



[thedrmat]

Really?? And doesn't Jesus cry also when a fucking twisted, pedophile priest starts doing his mojo on an innocent, unknowing little kid??!! Bunch of hypocrytical, two-faced fucks!!

[jedibilly]

NEVER NEVER scold them for touching themselves. That will just make them MORE CURIOUS and then they could end up more perverted as they get older. Just tell them it's a private thing and not to do it front of anyone. You stupid religious freaks!!!!!!

[Blitzkrieg697]

Your damn right jedi. Good to see that someone agrees with me. My 3-year-old girl touches herself all the time, almost EVERY SINGLE DAY.

How do I handle it? I send her to her bedroom or bathroom and allow her to continue doing it. I would knock the living shit out of someone if they tried to punish her for it!!

Masturbation is NOT a sin! He gives my daughter very sensitive genitals and then says it's wrong for her to pleasure herself?!

I DON'T THINK SO!! Fuck all of you religious nutcases!

[unitedstateskingdom]

@Blitzkrieg697 no way your three year old does that your joking right

[happiehtoast]

@unitedstateskingdom even Freud knew that little kids already have a very active sexuality.

[ShAdOwViRuSiAn]

@Blitzkrieg697 God damn religious nutcases!!

[SaintMichael305]

aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i went blind from too much masturbating!

[michaelwho]

I only did it until I needed glasses

[brownosity]

HAHAHAHA SO RIDICULOUS

americans against masturbation

[Chazerbaijann]

there is no god and jesus was a crack addict...to hell with religion, live for urself, not some made up "god" who is seriously fucked up in the head

[catd3g]

who ever made this video in the frist place. Jesus Cries when You Touch Yourself. there nuts. god ment for any one to masterbat if they wont to. thats one thing why ever one has a forskin lol think about it

[ireallyloveggs]

i guess my mastrbating is killing people oh my gosh.

[M44resto]

So that's why it rains all the time around here..

[SEThatered]

I guess then he never stopped crying...

...and never will. XD

[mimchaboo]

ummmm, I'll be back later, I gotta go do something.

[greenfury87]

Worst parents ever.

[JOHNNYCORREIA]

BustaMonkey1234 .................. if jesus or what you pussys call god, cryed ever time i touch my self. hten he would have sent me to hell and cryed till the whole world was flooded ......

..

..

i agree

[figgywhipkins]

And I think that there are some much more serious things to deal with in a person's life than this. It's the Holy Spirit's job... not mine to tell someone to stop doing THAT. I grew up in the time when this was a very shameful thing. I know what that was like.

[figgywhipkins]

You make a very valid argument. However, my concern here is that the obviously out dated videos make it all a laughing stock. This devalues and discredits the message of Jesus to the world. Without that message, there is no hope. I doubt that any of the children in the video are committing adultery.

[figgywhipkins]

And if any of you think this is real or in any way an accurate view of Christianity, then YOU are messed up. This is a bunch o' crap, yo!

[Apashiol]

Oh yeah?

Then go check out the Passion for Christ Movement and see their ex-masturbator shirts and then come back and tell me that.

[figgywhipkins]

Yes, because everyone knows that one whacked out group WITH TEESHIRTS, mind you accurately represent the entirety of Christianity... right...

[Apashiol]

Some Christian theologians reason that masturbation usually involves sexual fantasy.

According to Matthew 5:27-28, Yeshua of Nazareth (Jesus Christ) stated that sexual fantasy equals adultery. Adultery is a very serious sin.

Thus masturbation is generally a very serious sin.

So unless you can rub one out without fantasy?

[CPUMaster500]

That woman at 0:15 is fucked up. I'd knock the living shit out of someone if they slapped my kid for touching herself and told her that was "nasty"!!

Nice parenting, fucking bitch.

[silvrmrcury]

HAHAAHAHA!!! this is one of the funniest baseless video!! mudskippers at the end were a class act...!

[BustaMonkey1234]

if jesus or what you pussys call god, cryed ever time i touch my self. hten he would have sent me to hell and cryed till the whole world was flooded

[concept09girl]

lmaoooooo

[cannabisecko047]

wtf is wrong with these people they are fucked

[trueblueX111]

man i guess jesus was crying alot last night lolololololol

[RabbitsAreFun4Real]

hahaha word doggu

[teawead]

masturbate safely.

[davidls11]

yes, always point it away from your eyes.

[PeelTower]

The guys who posted the video are being comical, I know. However, the people who originally made that video were not. That is the kind of uptight weirdness about innocent children doing what is absolutely natural I have come to associate with the right wing religious freaks in America. The religious brigaide are all obssessed with sex and how to prevent it....whilst secretly screwing as many hookers as they can lay their hands on.

[interested976]

National Burn Your Bible Day December 25th 2012

[davidls11]

How about a National Use Your Bible as Toilet Paper Day?

[ParalyzeX]

I thought it was the 21st. I better check my calendar.

[matt408]

The lady at 0:12 deserves to be slapped.

[lushwhip]

Satire is a beautiful thing. This is almost better than the Colbert Report.

[rmyoungman]

Blitzkrieg, I was reading back through the comments. Given that you have told people, in detail, dozens of times now how your toddler daughter masturbates, I'm a little weirded out. You seem to enjoy describing it way, way too much.

I think most people ranked it for the humor value. Except for the pedos who were compiling your comments for their personal fap folder.

[Blitzkrieg697]

Hey man, all I'm saying is.... she does it. I'm not describing shit. I haven't gone into THAT much detail. And I'm not going to. Do you think I'm going to describe EXACTLY what she does? I think not.

[Blitzkrieg697]

Also, what's so weird? Kids play with themselves. BIG DEAL! It's normal. Yes, I allow my daughter to do it. But it's not like that makes me a fucking pedophile or anything.

If that's what you're implying, then you have the wrong idea!

[Blitzkrieg697]

Why the fuck does this video have 4 stars?

All 144 of you people that rated this video can go fuck yourselves. Literally!

Fuck all of you religious anti-masturbation people. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with touching your own body.

EVERYONE DOES IT!! I bet even half of you religious fuckers that gave this video a high rating do it too!!

I'll be the 145th rater here, and I'm giving this piece of shit video a 0! This shitty ass video is so bad, it's un-ratable!

[buddie169]

I think you missed the satire in this. read the description before you rate it badly.

[NullspaceNomad]

Hey...retard...it's called S_A_T_I_R_E. The video is implying the same thing you are...it's in agreement with you. I swear, the people you run into on the "Internets". And, in case you didn't get it, my last comment was S_A_R_C_A_S_M.

[UranusGamer]

Is Americans Against Masturbation a real organization? Even if they were and aren't now, that's still pretty sad. Seriously? Some people feel that this one particular feature of human nature is so disgusting they saw the need to form a party about it, and even make this piece of garbage? I sincerely pity these people. Though at the same time, I want to do nasty and painful things to them.

[TrystanSeven]

double you tee eff! There was only one girl in that video D: wtfhaxirltbhimhorofllawlbbq

[homercan2]

they should had done to them what my mom did to me... CUT IT OFF!!!

[Tb0neZ5]

i really pitty fundamentalist christians.

[lg4448]

lol

who came up with this i mean come on