Highly Sensitive Boys and Men - An Interview with Dr. Ted Zeff

[TheSpazModic]

I am a HS man, and before that, a HS child. Speaking for myself, learning about the HSP concept has been interesting, but not very practical or proactive. I am convinced that this trait has a net negative effect on the lives of men. I am not a negative person, but I wouldn't wish this trait on my worst enemy.

[Shari225]

@TheSpazModic Speaking as an HS woman, I find HS men who are comfortable with who they are far more interesting and likable, as a general rule, than the other 80%. HS men walk to a softer drum, and that's very nice.

[TheSpazModic]

@Shari225 Indeed I have gotten positive feedback from many women. But it seems to me that some of the traits of HS people may be regarded as feminine traits, so you can imagine the interpersonal problems that may occur with many women and men. And then there are the sensory issues--being hypersensitive to so much sensory info that really isn't meaningful, and it can't be switched off. To end on a positive note, my quiet time in nature is almost too enjoyable to put into words.

[utubeJAth1]

This video lets you know how to enbrace sensitivity, but not let it control you as a man. There's nothing colorful or soft about the real world. As long as there's evil in the world, you cannot rely on girly things to purposefully win your fight. But at the same time, you have to use your sensitivity to show care for the entire globe.

[JeTenPrie]

It sucks to be an HSP.... my life sucks big time because people hurt me so much. Every day i'm struggling with negative emotions and i overthink negative situations. Maybe it was better if i were never born.

[Kinsky2309]

@JeTenPrie take your self togherter.. !!! iam HSP to and it sucks.. but iam actually wery proud of it 2!! its good that i feel more truly than others.. it has allso made me smarter but allso cost me alot of pain.. and i mean ALOT!!! still sometimes life aquires you to be stronger.. and you can be stronger.. but things are just alittle more of a strungle than for others..!! if you cant learn that then maybe you should go kill youself instead of crying out to people you dont know

[MrEinSuchender]

i guess there's a connection between keirseys description of the idealist (NF) temperament as being "oversensitive" (Please Understand Me II, p. 119), Helen Fisher talking about the "negotiator" ('idealist' in keirsey's term) using the term "hypersensitivity" on her slide at 37:00 (in her talk on youtube 'This is Your Brain on Love') and the concept of HS.

[ComeThruMurkin]

I'm a HSP, I've struggled with it for my life but never identified it until this year. The strange thing is, I'm often drawn to very aggressive, almost violent music. It's cathartic. It just made me think when you mentioned the hunting thing.

[strangestdude]

I can really relate to this as an HSP male and an introvert. I think the awkwardness and bullying of my childhood resulted in a deep rage that is still inside me at the age of 27. I spent a long unhappy period of my life trying to be an extrovert, alpha male, and a tough guy - I ended up being an asshole. Thanks to Jung, MBTI and Elaine Aron, I've began to accept my sensitivity. To any young men watching this vid, my advice would be to accept and respect your sensitivity. You'll be happier.

[cloudstrife182000]

The only thing I would change is the attitude that there is a certain way we should act. As long as you are respectful about others I don't see a problem.

[cloudstrife182000]

I am a highly sensitive man, so I thank you for this. It was quite a bit harder growing up because of it. I never felt like I had fit in. I'm so glad it has gotten better as I've grown up and learned to accept myself for who I am. It's still hard but I'm glad that I learned earlier not to try and fit in and just be myself. It has done wonders for my self esteem. This goes for all the guys out there, it doesn't matter if you're more masculine or feminine, just be yourself.

[bangthatdrumb]

I also believe in the prehistoric past HSP men would use their ability to hunt.

[bangthatdrumb]

I've also met some HSP men and as an HSP i was horrified to realise this was how i appeared to the world, emotional, reactive almost feminine, so I decided to suppress it ever since.

[bangthatdrumb]

I personally believe there is a strong selection against HSP in the modern world and one day it will be an extinct trait.

[Typanoid]

I cannot properly express how incredibly wonderful all this info is. So many things that suddenly make a lot of sense to me, where before, I thought something was off about me.

It's also rather shocking in a different way, because it makes me realize how insane this society really is with its "cultural rules of nonsense".

[1994jordanian]

aren't all females highly sensitive?

[enlightenmentation]

@1994jordanian It depends more on personality than ones sex. technically males are the emotional ones. it takes alot of emotion to get angry in the way an emasculate male typically would. in a female emotions dont build up as easy naturally because the emotions seem to just come and go as without social stigma she is free to express. However there are females who get angry and see red ready to fight like a male typically would only because her personality is masculine not because shes a male.

[Kang5030]

@1994jordanian

You'd think so because of popular culture, but that's far from the truth. Biological high sensitivity is a minority in both genders, and it's divided much more evenly between women and men than you'd expect.

A majority of women may be emotionally reactive, but this isn't indicative of sensitivity. In truth, a large number of women would fit an impassionate, stoic description very easily, society just demands that they put on a show.

[ichai1]

Thank Alot! really comforting to know you arent alone

[kashysongwriter]

For too long men who are brave enough to show vulnerability have been seen as weak and looked upon with disdain by the macho majority. Words like victim, pussy, girl, gay wimp, have all been created and used to try to demean, humiliate and belittle guys who are actually showing far more strength and courage by showing vulnerability that any of their 'macho' counterparts. It's time that society was able to dispel the myth that being a sensitive man makes you weak or any less of a man.

[MysticalLandscapes]

Thanks for doing this work, Ted. As an HSP and tender man there are few male friends I have met to share this side with and I'm looking to meet more.

[goldenscales]

@MysticalLandscapes Hi there, dude. Now you've met another one. Cheers, Ra.

[markdc2]

great stuff! i am a hsp gay man !

[arnosel26]

thanks!!!

[shackle5]

Thanks for this Dr. Zeff, really good.

[Denmarkguy2]

Thanks for creating this, and helping spread awareness of the HSP trait.