7 Words You Can't Say on the Internet

[PassTheMarmalade1957]

Fact: Michael Swaim is funny.

And I mean REALLY funny. Not the kind of immature funny that means you can only get a group of stoned 13 - 16 year olds snort-laughing (and they're laughing at YOU, not your joke,) I mean that intelligent kind of funny which means people don't get bored listening to you make a really good observation about life.

POWER TO THE SWAIM!

[JaDyGgunter]

@Toyman1982

meh

[lenarox]

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, MISTER SWAIM.

[Toyman1982]

i love to Rape babies tiny nigger cunts while i salute hitler!

[dannyduchamp]

Swaim you're such a niggercunt.

[DanteAsearis]

Well damn...I didn't want to force myself sexually on a baby before, but now I'm not so sure...

[jimmy123987]

pornography 60% of the time???

surely you haven't associated yourself with many 18 year olds such as myself :P

[KipSama]

The stereo panning on the voice recording along with the music makes it seem like Michael Swaim is flying around my head filling me with his mystical internet wisdom.

[SilasCilice]

What's with the constant stereo panning? I listened to this with my new headphones and holy shit. I can't believe I didn't catch that before. Were you just spinning back and forth in your chair while recording or something?

[MyDormantSoul]

this was really well written Michael

[Silko3000]

I love nigger cunts

[Spudcrotchrot]

Lol, Charles Dahmer.

[greatthisagain]

fuck you. I bet those Scientology faggots are telling you to say all of this while you rape a nigger cunt's baby. So meh bitch. Seig Heil!

[wikiporno]

Zeig Heil you nigger cunt faggot! Go back to your sceintology baby rape! Meh.

(shitstorm in 5...4...3...2...)

[WTFDudeTV]

@wikiporno YOU FAGGOT I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU SAY THAT AGAIN I WILL RIP OUT YOUR TESTICLES THROUGH YOUR ANUS!!!

[BonesxtoxPaste]

@WTFDudeTV Sounds painful, but don't you mean the prostate?

[sobeita]

This video is wrong because of internet anonymity. Yes, all of it.

[MrFlugonNine]

@sobeita you never really are anonymous on the internet there is a cracked article that even describes a situation where someone who posted something about someone in a coffee shop on a proxy as anonymous got caught, through the internet.

[sobeita]

@MrFlugonNine I'm not talking about "true anonymity"... I'm talking about mutual anonymity. If the site's mods are the only people who can identify you by your IP, which is the case for sites like 4chan (Cracked mentions them a lot, you should be familiar with them even if you don't visit) then anonymity is still preserved between users, which is more of the point.

Heart of Darkness, Lord of the Flies, etc. explore the effects of leaving the restrictions of society.

[MrFlugonNine]

@sobeita I see what you mean, I was mistaken and I understand now and I do visit cracked very much.

[djsyncophuc]

Meh.

[foodiedave]

What about "skullfuck granny"? I think that one's pretty bad.

[yugiohabridgedman123]

NIGGER!!!! Just did it. GF SOCIETY!!!!!@!!!!!!1

[Griddle112]

um. Hi there mr. cosby!

[sweetalker79]

So you're moving back and forth across the "stage", just like Carlin. Nice.

[DdlyHeadshot]

"Faggot" is a glowing ember thrown out by a fire, nothing more.

[chewybaco]

Has Swaim seen 4chan by any chance?

Somehow I doubt it

[sallpal]

@chewybaco Yeah, no one except for you knows what 4chan is. It's like totally secret and underground man.

[chewybaco]

@sallpal

Wut? No, I was just saying that there's far worse than this on the interbutts

[GuruZap]

I listen to this every night when before I go to bed.

[JohnDeSvea]

Cunt is my favorite word. As is its swedish equivalent "Fitta"

[isanhiro]

I like the swaying. It's ... Interesting.

[jek21]

@isanhiro panning

[isanhiro]

@jek21 Yeah. That's the word I was thinking of. That was kinda driving me crazy. Thanks!

[DrHeinzy]

This was brilliant.

[nikmalev500]

when you listen to this using headphones

i swear you sway from side to side

[2913auburnman]

@nikmalev500 I'm getting that same sway without headphones. The audio keeps moving from one speaker to the other. It's like subliminal messaging; it bugs you and yet you can't stop paying attention to it. Or maybe that is just my OCD kicking in.

[GakkiSai]

Are you a booter?

[Darthartanis]

Great Video.

[Tw1St3DSt33L]

this picture is so awesome when your high....as times passes you get more clues

[Supahx]

meh

[Dickking666]

...are you deliberately trying to irritate people by CONSTANTLY changing the pan throughout the video? It's annoying enough to make you read the transcript instead.

[xxonebludxx]

This is a very simple yet brilliant video. The slow scrolling Bill Cosby captured my attention while my brain just absorbed and agreed to what you were saying sub-conciously.

[Oneofthosecoolkids]

@xxonebludxx

dude spoilers much!?

[xxonebludxx]

@Oneofthosecoolkids Thats why you read the comments after the video. You're a nigger faggot i want to force myself on your small chilldren scientology.

[Oneofthosecoolkids]

@xxonebludxx

dude..not really a funny or creative way to put the 7 words you can't say on the internet in a reply much!?

[JoshCarter4]

@Oneofthosecoolkids

Meh.

[MasterGame12]

I love the word "meh". It's the best word to ever be put in the dictionary by the Simpsons, next to "d'oh".

[soulc10648]

Heh heh heh. Nigger,cunt, faggot, Zig hiel, scientology ,Baby rape, meh

[Arc9er]

cracked sent me here.

[TearDropCatcher]

I'd like to see the scientologist bastards try! Muhahahaa!

[jcole60brit]

Lol, fuck Scientology, they're all nigger cunts. Meh, I think I'll force myself sexually on a baby. Because, They're all faggots. ZIEG HIEL

[mminor15]

BILL COSBY FUCK TO DA YEAH

[Helltamirre]

"Nigg*r cunt"? Michael have you ever been at 4chan? or Dramatica? 

[Necromancer1230]

This is a great video

[monkfishification]

Scientology likes to rape babies.

[Robfacecake]

@drumlip

Hail Zenu =P

[drumlip]

Let's test that: Scientology sucks!

[gl0beest]

damn, I can't pass a day at school without using at least 4/7 or 5/7 . We do not kid the scientology much though. Zieg Heil! is a normal welcome greet to me and my classmates. and no, i do not live in Germany.

[AnarkyBorat]

I use most of these words everyday over teh interwebs.

[thoadthetoad]

@AnarkyBorat

and that is why no one loves you.

[AerialStoner]

yea those are some offensive words/phrases especially first 2 to me

[Takara8808]

what's the background music

[LeboviciAB84]

@Takara8808: <i>La Femme D'Argent</i> by Air.

[Rikutosan]

The cascading Bill Cosby made this. Don't get me wrong. It was hilarious, but somehow a mature and well thought-out soliloquy. The thing is I was listening while doing other crap around my room. When I turned to see the Cosby picture sliding down the page like an HTML marquee tag, I spit my drink out. I now also know that that cliche isn't just an apocryphal rumor. I have to get coffee out of my bed sheets.

[phdecora]

i think i wanmt to vomit

[zarrotechgeek]

Hey scientology, I would like to have an open, well thought out, and civil philosophical debate about your religion and the morality it uses.

Wait am I doing it wrong?

[terminaldeity]

The scientologists are on to you, Swaim.

[andreweryan22]

where sweater wearing always is mandatory.

[nycbred92]

baby rape.

[LegionaryXXVIII]

Love your work Swaim

[VocabWord]

Swaim's voice is freaking awesome. Do audiobooks, except for everything ever written. I would do so much better in English.

[BakingtheArt]

You obviously have never been to /b/. I think the only unacceptable thing you can say there (the other six are used about three times a post) is praising Scientology.

Also, lol scientology.

[JordanMaster22]

holy shit! the stereo shifting in this video is driving me insane!!

[decemius]

You forgot 'The game'

[SethWhiteFox]

@decemius I lost the game.

[laxelite]

wow. i lost too

[sevsquad]

FUCK YOU! *sigh* I lost it, too.

[bludklok]

DAMN I LOST

[diotecktec2]

@decemius I lost the game. :( FUCK YOU.

[Ryogakun666]

Meh

[Bamshu]

Somehow I knew there would be a bunch of "meh" comments.

[Airclot]

meh

[Thuen1]

Lol there was AIR playing in the back ground.

[TwiztedRune]

Why Bill Cosby? Lol. xD

[socksy]

Is that zero 7?

[Jesus469]

Did you get Manson and Dahmer mixed up?

I don't care, i still love this video (and all your others).

[lortappe]

he did get them mixed together. He said dahmer then said charles. He just got mixed up.

[troymvmoneyman]

@sasukeistehsuck kno what is even funner? faggots raping honkey cunt babies whilst saying zie heil in a church of scientology... Meh, maybe what u said was funnier #conspiracy

[gryffinp]

Meh.

[KidsTableVideos]

lol i knew it was bill cosby when it hit the lips... is that racist. no its not!!! good stuff though.

[jwitt1]

my parents own the alum with that cover on it so i knew about halfway up the suspenders.

[jimifloydrix]

wow it's twice as funny here than written text.

really, really good.

maybe it would be better if you showed an actual video, as in yourself acting the monologue. the expressions and gestures always add value.

[mmysama]

Dude, I rape babies all the time and I never get any shit for it. In fact it's actually really fun! You should try it some time.

[AngeLxHell]

Nice attempt at George Carlin though.

Forgot to mention that in my last comment.

Real nice fail attempt.

[ThoseArentMuskets]

Yeah, it's not my best video. I have others though, so if you feel like giving me a second chance check them out. The ones under the "thosearentmuskets" username are generally our bigger productions.

[AngeLxHell]

I disapprove.

6 of these words i've seen used, and joked about, and just used normally really on the internet every day. Sieg hell I have no idea about, this is the first time I've ever even heard about it. But I've been browsing the internets for about 8 years now, and I have never witnessed any of these words causing a problem.

So, in conclusion, this is a really shitty video, made by someone who has no knowledge of the real internets.

[Emowebi]

boxxy?

[Aaronb1215]

I approve.

You should do more audio pieces.

[PTxPrimus]

I'm going to write sieg heil on every YouTube video I find.

[MankindCartoons]

micheal swaim is great. I'm really coming to think highly of his comedy. I'm reminded of Bill Hicks, of course George Carlin, but also some Patton Oswalt.

[SilverFeet]

I can see what you mean. He and Bill Hicks definitely have the same kind of spirit. However, their styles do differ as far as execution, as Hicks had a raw yet enlightened approach, while Swaim seems to be casually inviting you to an intelligent discussion about Hypocrisy and Lolcats.

By the way, I now claim "Hypocrisy and Lolcats" as a possible awesome band name.

[sasukeistehsuck]

SilverFeet, stop being made of awesome. The rest of us look dull in comparison to your shininess. Seriously, put on a robe or something. ):

[popomczowzow]

@MankindCartoons

scientology? meh.

[Kazikox]

You can't say them on the internet? Oh shi- you have no idea. Many say them everyday.

[KBMemon]

great fucking piece

[goose1212343]

well youve obviously never been to 4chab

[aBORTIONATOR12]

rules 1 and 2 motherfucker!!

[skizim143]

You don't talk about fight club?

[bfap]

You don't TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!

[aaron12131]

this is fantastic

[OniLunchbox]

its the whole point of the internet

[Starbuckscp]

meh

[AYpokemon1818]

hehehehe niggercunt

[booitsbecky]

HAHAHHHAHAHAAHAAHAH!

that was great.

[Zejoph]

Meh.

[capn1time]

well done.

[wifuhu]

omg im gunna recomend this to allllllll my friends!!!!!!!!!!!!

[CellMan0677]

Fuck all the scientologist out there they are all cunts!

[Superklayman]

they are all zie hile shouting baby raping nigger cunts

[emkajii]

XD at I would like to force myself, sexually, on a baby.

[kojimapie]

ey fuck you!

[badfish4311]

i would like to force my self on a baby.....

[cooldog61593]

fuck yhea motherfuckers!

[LoganXavier]

Funny and a nice tribute to Carlin's bit

[riathepinkie]

hahahaha never mind i'm a ditz...oh well that'll teach me to post before watching the whole thing...

[riathepinkie]

picture is wrong but it's funny