Added: 3 years ago
From: TheOnion
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  • How did that short chubby blonde girl and the the brown hair tall girl in the gray suit with black top get into the AGU? I got an idea for Mike. He can dress up like a slob and get the AGU members to talk if he made and offered them more money. Just use Rush Limbaugh as an example.

  • GIANTS WOOOO

  • "or the Insecure Ugg Boots Over Jean Girls Union"

  • I know that's tough, after 30 years I'm still negotiating with this Union...

  • Apparently the Attractive Girls Union has secretly done this to me as well...

  • Did anyone else read the title as "Attractive Girls Onion Refuses To Talk.."?

  • @WasabiMeal:

    why yes I did! hehe

  • @themodman101 Whew, glad I'm not the only one!

  • Comment removed

  • why does the attractive girls union have no attractive women?

  • Comment removed

  • @osaka35 Its fairly obvious you are a 12-year-old virgin who believes in "middle school love".

  • Okay, all bullshit aside, I really wanna see what some of the girls look like in the "Slightly Overweight Frizzy-Haired Girls Union" and I know I'm not the only one.

  • Ah I really like this channel and especially this video, really shows how ridiculous is the amount of unimportant news that gets shown on TV daily, like how some random actor bought pink toilet paper instead of the regular one or that some crappy singer stepped into a dog shit, who the fuck cares about these?

  • I was going to hunt for the comments because i enjoy a good argument...

    but then I took an arrow to the knee.

  • Seriously though, I'm in love with the wavy-haired blonde girl in the back. I really am. So fucking gorgeous.

  • "He fucks up everything, why does he even try anymore?"

  • @BrentleChaos

    i heard it, i dont need to read it

  • does anyone know who the blonde with the wavy hair is? i'm pretty sure i'm in love with her.

  • story of my life

  • i'm mike greenman

  • THE AGU AND MIKE NEED TO GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER. I mean come on Mike Greenman doesn't even realise that the AGU is trying to improve him, he really needs to step his game up. And the AGU's hopes are too high for Mike, I mean look at this oaf, goatee and fat. This is all ridiculous, Mike should just give up and find some decent girl who has done drugs once or twice and has a slight bruise on her eye, like the rest of his type. Jesus.

  • More like pretentious spoiled materialistic shallow girls union. Shame on you onion for portraying these bitches as the top tier in the hierarchy of quality women!

  • @zacthebold well that's how most girls are now, girls of this generation. And I'm not being misogynistic, men are like that too, superficial, shallow, stupid like fuck and ignorant to about everything that has a bit of intelligence.

  • @cheater30 Yeah but to paint all women who are attractive as being in that group of morons is perpetuating a very negative stereotype. I'd feel the same why if they did the opposite with the hot guys union and they were all a bunch of drooling cavemen.

  • Another comment section gone to hell because you idiots can't resist feeding the trolls. Seriously...

  • The AGU is very tough, but I think we've worked out a temporary solution. I basically give them sexual favors when they want, with the possibility of them having returned, though that isn't often the case. I have however, am in full contract with the Ugg boots over jeans union. Though with negotiations, and further trips to the gym, I believe the AGU and I can come to better terms.

  • Fat Girls Union

  • Why DOES the Attractive Girl Union keep renewing their contracts with those douchebags?

  • @WackyJack322 Because a lot of those douchebags are members of the Attractive Guy Union.

  • @holksma do something about it? Nevermind no one cares

  • @TinnBenn How can I "hate" minorities when thanks to anti-Whites like you, me and my children will become a "minority" themselves, in their OWN country in just a few decades time?

    I say every people has a right to exist and a right to their own countries.

    That's pretty reasonable to anyone except anti-White genocidal maniacs like you.

  • @MarkMuses This aint your fucking country! This land belongs to Native Americans like me! White Boy! Get the Fuck out if you don't like it! I didn't invite you over!

  • @Holksma You Indians were defeated by your betters for this land. Whites kicked your asses across the entire continent. You lost motherfucker. Twenty five thousand years of human evolution and the American Indian never invented the wheel. You were no match for whitey. Now go tell your worthless lazy tribe on your miserable, wretched reservation to get your sorry asses into the twenty-first century and join the human race.

  • @tomthefunky That has to be, without a doubt, the single most ignorant, racist, idiotic comment ever posted on YouTube. Period. If you represent the human race you're pushing them to "be a part of", you're making them a pretty bad deal. No one "invented" the wheel, genius, by the way.

  • @FutaSarah5000 yeh, no one invented the wheel.. it just appeared one day out of thin fucking air.. but my contacts say it was a transformer that was the first wheel..;p

  • @illuminatisos I was sorely hoping someone here understood that, but alas. It was a development that occurred at roughly similar times around the world, and later in the Americas as more people emigrated there.

    God, YouTube has frustratingly stupid people in some places.

  • @FutaSarah5000 That wheel bit of yours WAS pretty idiotic. Whether someone stumbled upon the concept with an existing round object or set out to craft it is merely semantics.

  • @10INTM True, and it is actually pertinent in a way. But now that I pointed it it out, what does the wheel have to do with racial superiority (in the comment I originally replied to)? I could have used a better analogy, I guess.

  • @tomthefunky You're either an ignorant bigot or a troll, so this probably won't convince you of anything, but there are multifaceted reasons as to why white europeans advanced a lot further than the native people of Africa, southeast islands, and Americas. It had a lot to do with circumstance, they had access to better crops and domesticated animals, and were exposed to a lot of diseases from those animals, which made them immune. Search, "Guns germs and steel" into youtube to learn more.

  • @Maserati7200 The measure of how advanced ancient cultures were can be determined by 1) shipbuilding 2)domestication of livestock 3) agriculture 4) metallurgy 5) written language.

    Tell me, who were more advanced in these things, Europeans or North American Indians?

  • @Holksma The U.S.A. is not your country. You didn't found the U.S.A. Europeans built it from a wilderness and your tribes wiped each others out too so don't spin the sprirtual indian hippy routine on me either.

  • The Onion has great cultural commentary. This one is up there with "are reality shows setting unrealistic expectations for skanks" and "80% of roommates got so drunk last night".

  • @TinnBenn you are taking everything too serious. for example i could pile up people that eat fast food and not reading books and burn them till they are ash. get high on the smoke they make. human life itself is not such a big deal. racist? i hate idiots. this is the time of changes and we need uber mensch and not air breathers. white black yellow whatever.

  • I did not now that there was an attractive girls union. I think they are idiots who starts the group. missing some brain I think

  • @TinnBenn i dont see the problem there. i dont like potatoes , my brother in law is lactose intolerant, this dude is racist. we are all different.

    im cool with black folks but i hate niggaz.

  • Anti-racist is a codeword for anti-White.

  • Africa isn't trying to make itself non-black via a policy of mass non-black immigration and assimilation

    Asia isn't trying to make itself non-Asian via a policy of mass non-Asian immigration and assimilation

    But EVERY white country has the policy of mass non-white immigration and assimilation, yet no white country ever voted to become a non-white country

    Anti-whites want all white countries to be blended, brown countries: white genocide via mass non-white immigration and assimilation

  • @GobiWanu

    you should visit japan, hong kong, singapore, malaysia, and thailand, even south korea... there are tons of white people that live there, mostly europeans.

  • Revolt of the white bitches. They really aren't that attractive. They've lost something in the feminist conversion process.

  • In what white country does white genocide not exist? Isn't the policy of all white countries, massive immigration of non-whites without the consent of white people, forced integration, and heavily promoted and propagandized messages of interracial mating (which is occurring) . Is this policy not genocide, white genocide? The policy is creating a future with fewer and fewer white people in it. Is this not genocide? Only anti-whites say they cannot see this.

  • @MarkMuses And you're an idiot.

  • @MegaWinnieGirl yes he is... yes he is...

  • @MarkMuses I'm sick of hearing you morons say "ANTI RACISM IS CODEWORD FOR ANTIWHITE!one1! DERP!"

    What you're basically saying is, if you hate racists, people who hate other people solely based on race, that makes you "anti white." Blacks can be racist against whites, and vice versa. Asians can be racist against Indians. I'm against all of those things. I'm white, and I love white people. I'm not ashamed to be white. White girl pussy is amazing. You should leave your basement try it sometime.

  • @Maserati7200 That's not. What I'm saying you are exhibiting learned responses instead of judging me on what I AM saying. If you seriously want to engage me over racism, please see my profile where I explain myself further.

    LOL, I left my "basement" sometime ago and started a family. I'm White and normal. The difference is when anyone calls ME racist for MY identity. I don't roll over and cower in a corner. Nor accept that I must "hate" anyone for wishing to see my race protected.

  • @Maserati7200 Playing devil's advocate here but Indians are Asian too lol.

  • @orion00 I mean Indians as in people from India, and Asians as in people from east Asia with slanted eyes.

  • @Maserati7200 "white" girl pussy? Can we just agree that ALL pussy is nice? lol

  • @TinnBenn In your opinion I'm a racist.

    You're just saying that because I'm White.

    Anti-racist is a code word for anti-White.

  • I think I've met Mike.

  • What if I said there was this RACE problem and this RACE problem would be solved only if hundreds of millions of non-Blacks were brought into EVERY Black country and ONLY into Black countries?

    How long would it take anyone to realize I’m not talking about a RACE problem. I am talking about the final solution to the Black problem?

    And how long would it take any sane Black man to notice this and what kind of psycho Black man wouldn’t object to this?

  • @MarkMuses you are the problem.

  • Why did they get drag queens to play the "attractive girls"..???

  • i was with this till the giants bit, do not deny a man his giants football!

  • not even that attractive..bitches got attitude -_-

  • Simone Nichols is fucking hot.

  • Anyone else notice the fro in the back?

  • Whoa if thats the attractive girls union Id hate to see the ugly one.

  • @skapunkno1 u jelly?

  • @eidius1989 Er yeah jelly??

  • @skapunkno1 hm...jelly.

  • @eidius1989 Aaah jelly

  • BITCHES!

  • shit. i can relate to this :(

  • I had 2 tabs open, one on onion news, the other on fox news. I couldn't tell the difference!

  • @AlexanderMazarakis very satirical

  • @AlexanderMazarakis Sure you could, one is labeled Onion News. The other is labeled ``Crazy Bullshit``

  • @AlexanderMazarakis what difference?

  • Comment removed

  • if hes such a nice guy why does he want these girls just for their looks? hes shallow and deserves to be ignored...

  • @gurliegurl89 lol

    women

  • "he fucks up everything, why does he even try anymore"

  • @abdurrahmanR thank you for telling me that line that i most definitely did not hear while i was watching the video

  • Marylin Monroe went to Albert Einstein and said "Hey, what do you say that we reproduced together? Can you imagine if we had children with my looks and your brain?"

    Albert Einstein contemplated the proposition for a second and responded "Yes, but what if our proginy ends up with your brains and my looks?"

  • @USA4July1776 Nah, he'll go straight for that shit

  • I used to be attractive but then I took an arrow in the knee so I'm not attractive anymore unfortunately but that's life you know what are you gonna do.

  • "Well I don't remember." Well, looks like my shit's been good. You were fuckin' drunk, and I took complete advantage of you. Go wail in a corner.

  • If they refuse to talk to Gordan Freeman, they'll all have to die. =/

  • I'll direct something else towards your office, if it's the office between ur legs, lol.

  • aaaaah, yes.... the AGU.. in my organization though, all files relating to them are labeled as the RBU: Revolting Bitches Union.

  • "He's begun doing 5 to 6 push-ups a night and is announcing plans to start jogging."

  • The German BND is the renamed 3rd Reich GESTAPO.The BND had organized the delegate Scheuermann of our county to visit or home.To allow him to personally experience how my brother and our parents had been tortured.The BND continued to torture my brother.He was assassinated on July 11th2009.Half a year after the assassination of my brother the CDU delegate Mappus from our district town Pforzheim was made prime minister of the German land of Baden Würtemberg

    The CDU is the ruling party in Germany

  • Is it me or would the AGU be more attractive if naked

  • This is a joke right? :| lol I'm confused :S

  • @2010MusicGlobal You win the wit of the month award at the Onion News Network.

  • I would love to enter some "serious negotiating" with the AGU spokeswoman.

  • 128 people are Mike Greenman

  • @IWantAGreatName 128 x a million people have made such derivative and unoriginal jokes before.

    Please give up on life and end it all. It's the right thing to do.

  • I am Mike Greenman. Born Loser.

  • The Attractive Girls Union would be a much more respectable union if it stops negociating with and giving in to the demands of the Douche Bag Pricks Union.

  • Y'all realize this is fake? Right? But man this is funny lol xD

  • damn that spokesoman is a cutie..

  • I don't see a difference. Aren't all woman and girls ,attractive or not, demand this?

  • these sluts are just assholes...

  • What union does Mike Greenman belong to?

  • eeeeh whatever country that broadcasted this on tv is a very weird country ....

  • hahahah this is how fucked our community is :D

  • hillerysean just doesnt like sacrasim because its too hard for him to get it.

  • @hillerysean

    I don't see what's wrong with sarcasm. Enlighten me?

  • why is this reporter trying to win a dirty look contest? dumb asses all yall wtf! is this all about americans news e.g cnn or fox are absolutely outragous lmao! yet they watch this on their tv and let their children rot their brains with these mind numbing acceptability in stupidity "he fucks up everything" well be watching to c wat happens hahahahahhahaha

  • why is this reporter trying to win a dirty look contest? dumb asses all yall

  • Half the reason I watch these is because of the "Coming up in this hour.." at the end of each video :D

  • 5 to 6 push-ups?

    COME ON!!!

    A fucking little KID can do SHITLOADS MORE, goddammit!

  • the anchor man looks like an umpa lumpa...

  • A dentist's office is very awkward-

  • This is an outrage! That proposal from the AGU is extensively This is an outrage! That proposal from the AGU is considered extensively harsh and unrealistic. Mike Greenman will not be able to meet the demands niether does he have the support.

  • Always sad to see sarcasm destroy comedy...

  • He looks like Buddy Holly and Barney Rubble had a baby, then peed on it.

    credit: J Ross

  • Mike Greenman, I feel your pain.

  • well it's been going on for Mike's entire life at this point, so theres really no reason to think it will change. He fucks up everything why does he even try anymore?

  • They look like the PSU (Porn Star Union).

  • 128 men are also NOT in diplomatic talks with the AGU.

  • The Attractive Girls Union is refusing to deploy even more agents throughout America. Unacceptable

  • i cant count how many times ive seen the AGU renew their contract with the douchebags...

  • awesome

    

  • this is all real

  • THank god i'm in a band! AGU! AGU!

  • haha i love how they set it out, yes too awesome - but yes u need alot of money or fame to get girls like that... or confidence, cassanova figured this out a long ass time ago... just talk to every girl you see and always try your luck no matter how much of a bitch a certain girl is, and dont be friends with girls, they'll turn you into a faggot

  • This is my life. I am Mike Greenman. I have been unsuccessfully trying to enter negotiations with the AGU nearly all my life.

  • Guess i don't have a chance with the hot girls union since i'd never give video game. Oh well, gamer girls - normal girls :P

  • @myquill23: goatee :-)-

  • What about the previously fat and unattractive girls union? Surely Mike has a shot with those ladies. Heck, they still think they're fat and unattractive.

  • @davitodude Sad thing is he still believes he can get with the attractive girls union. :(

  • This is really good!

  • Why? What's wrong with my goatee? :-)

  • If this was real someone would need to at least tell the bitch that's talking that she isn't even cute enough to be that shallow

  • The Attractive Girls' Union will soon become the Ugly Old Womens' Union. Then they'll try to bully Mike Greenman or others like him into talking to them, paying for all their crap and taking care of the kids they had from other men.

  • @steviesbackbitch

    You do realize that the Onion is a fake news organization right?

  • @Biggofwi,

    It is satire just like my comment.

  • SHALLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO­OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO­OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO­OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO­OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO­OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO­OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO­OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO­OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW­WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW­WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW­WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW­WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW­WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW­WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW­WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW­WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

  • @TheLouiselegend SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE­EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE­EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE­EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEXXXXX­XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXYYYY­YYYYYY

  • Clean-shaven implies that having facial hair is dirty. It's discrimination, I tells ya!

    But his goatee has to go.

  • Oh, come on! The guy isn't that bad! How could you have not even noticed his new pants?

  • He fucks up everything, why does he even try anymore! LMAO!

  • I noticed the AGU seems to have a few sub-standard members.

  • (ignore the Mr in my name, i'm on my bro's account, I'm a girl)

    Let me join AGU!

  • that goatee really does have to go, maybe if it was an ACTUALL goatee but still doesnt suit him at all.

  • AGU 2012

  • is this a joke or am i missing something??

  • @XxLizardxX77 Joke? You think this is some kind of joke? Do you have any idea how important negotiations with the AGU are?

  • @yellowkrux D= im soo sorry if i offended you!

  • @XxLizardxX77 You are DEFINITELY missing something.

  • @XxLizardxX77 As an associate of the AGU, I am very offended.

  • @AGentlemanAndScholar im sorry....i guess

  • @XxLizardxX77 xD its a joke

  • @benben829 ohh o_O lol

  • This old guy leading the news reminds me of Bob Kelso from the Scrubs? Thumbs up?

  • @TheDJSTALKER Oh, my God!! He does look like the guy from Scrubs!!! Good eye, DJ...Now, let me just go ahead and give you a well-deserved 'thumbs up'...okay, finger is lifted, about to bring it down to click mouse...wait a sec...wait one good goddamn second here...what's this? You actually ASKED for a thumbs up??...ewww!!!

  • @MckyMseNTarotCrds

    AHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHA you probably made a *troll face* when you wrote me that reply XD

    I dont care about thumbs up really , the only reason why i wrote it , is that everybody say it , and english is a catchy language...(not everyone using the internet is an american)

  • @TheDJSTALKER haha. Good sport. Okay, you've earned a thumb's up now...

  • she is attractive, isn't she? the others in the lineup, less so.

  • I wish we had a show like this in Britain... this is ace stuff :D

  • Wonder if he lives in a "right to date" state.

  • Why is the stereotipical hot girl is always "blonde"