Forming Friendships in High School vs. University

[128venom]

Good advice

[AnotherBrownKid]

i dont know what university to go to! :(

[serbiangirl29]

highschool was by far the worst time of my life.. I just put time in- get that shit over with. university is infinitely better.

[AttackOFTHEPIE]

I don't know where you live but in Canada semestered high schools will have 4 classes in which all classes are composed of different people. In grade 9 you will have 4 classes from September to January. It's about an hour with some people and you might have another person in the same one so it is still more difficult. Not only this, but if your high school is very clichey like mine then its way harder. Not to mention everybody starts to break up in the later grades. It's sad really.

[Aaroncast86]

Actually, I live in Canada too. I graduated in 2004 and when I was in high school we had five courses. And although my school was made up of around fifteen-hundred students, you'd still have at handful of the same people in every class. At any rate, you'd see the same people in at least one class several days a week for an entire semester and I think that makes it easier to form friendships.

[aarongmoore]

Actually, I live in Canada too. I graduated in 2004 and when I was in high school we had five courses. And although my school was made up of around fifteen-hundred students, you'd still have at handful of the same people in every class. At any rate, you'd see the same people in at least one class several days a week for an entire semester and I think that makes it easier to form friendships.

[aarongmoore]

Another factor is that as adults people tend to have formed a worldview that is less open to change. Adults also seem more likely to intentionally avoid situations that they feel will be uncomfortable, talking to strangers in order to begin forming new friendships is something many people seem to associate with discomfort. Whereas teenagers tend to be more open to experiencing things they haven't tried before or perhaps didn't find enjoyable. These are generalizations, obviously.

[aarongmoore]

Also, I think high schools in any country are somewhat clicky because it is human nature to form connections with people who seem similar to yourself.

Aaroncast86 is my old YouTube account, if that isn't obvious.

[LittleGigiK]

I had a really hard time making friends in high school because I was shy and had low self esteem. Now I am a Freshman in college, I got over the anxiety and just started introducing myself to everyone and anyone who came my way. I am happy I did, because I met friends who I have classes with, and got over a good amount of my shyness, although I still am sometimes shy.

[aarongmoore]

It's somewhat probable that you'll always be somewhat reserved or shy but that's okay. That you chose to overcome what is familiar shows a lot about your character, it tells me you're someone who is dedicated and hard working. I know that anxiety can be very difficult to deal with.

Many people seem to rely heavily on substance use (alcohol, weed and so on) to find a way to be comfortable around strangers and I don't think that's a very healthy way to make new friends.

[skatebboard]

In university and college its completely international with more diversity, so its easier to make more intellectual or just chill friends, that want to have good futures.

[Jzend001]

I agree with everything in this video. I had a hard time making friends in high school because I felt really bad about myself, but holy crap, I didn't realize that I was going to be even more lonely in college. i finally made one really good friend by living in the dorms. Also, its hard making friends in class that you actually talk to outside of class. Everyone seems to go their separate ways.

[aarongmoore]

My university experience was also that people seem to go their separate ways. I received my degree a year ago and only talk to three of the people I went to university with. Part of the reason I felt really isolated was that I don't drink and sometimes that seems to be the only pass time university students have.

[Jzend001]

@aarongmoore same here. i don't drink or party either. it just doesnt really interest me too much.

[cdnLEE]

I hate cliches... High school was an enclosed space full of cliches and it's hard to break out of these cliches or stereotypes...

You're right. In university, YOU have to start the conversation, after that, people will acknowledge you and sit with you... I'm loving university because everyone is willing to talk to you at least.

High school blows. If your first impression blows, the next 4 years are gonna suck.

[Aaroncast86]

Like it or not, cliches are cliches for a reason. (i'm assuming you mean cliches as in stereotypes and not cliques as in groups.)

I think that first impressions remain as influential throughout life. Many people will judge you based on their imediate impression of who you are. That's just part of life.

I haven't found that everyone is willing to talk to anyone. That was more the case in first year, but after that first year people seem less likely or open to talking to strangers.

[AppleTreeRobin]

I've noticed that it is a little more difficult to get a new group of friends in university, especially if you aren't into the drinking scene, so I agree with you there. My experience is a little different though, considering I go to a very small college (fewer than 1000 total). Its hard to find people who are sincere and aren't superficial. small campuses are notorious for news spreading quickly. The smallest blunder can be misconstrued, and the college tabula rasa out the window.

[Aaroncast86]

I'm now in my last semester of university. If all goes to plan, I'll have my BFA in about two months. Mixed feelings about that.

I've made a few friends over the six years I spent in university but none that are very close. I feel like my high school friendships were closer... but they all disappeared within a year of graduation so what does that really say about how close those people were to me? I try not to think about things like that anymore, it gets depressing and that's not productive.

[tenuki3]

I like and agree with this video in general. Perhaps a bit more preparation would help to improve the content. Cheers!

[Aaroncast86]

I made this video over a year ago and I don't remember how much preparation I put into it. I vaguely recall having to do multiple takes before I said everything I wanted to. It was one of the first videos I made for this website.

I appreciate the constructive criticism!

[Leviosaa]

i met my core group of friends at college after having a few really horrible months of losing my best friend. i was really depressed and there was nowhere to sit a lunch one day, so i asked to sit with another girl who was sitting alone. i tried my hardest to initiate a conversation, and it all went from there. almost 2 years later, my group of friends is her group of friends- but i would have never met them if i hadn't sat with her at lunch that day.

[Aaroncast86]

It seems like having the confidence to do what you did, to start a conversation with a stranger, is a lot harder then it's given credit for. If that makes sense...

I think you're awesome for having done that. It's also really cool that you two clicked. Sometimes finding people with similar (not identical) interests and beliefs is a lot more difficult.

[ThreeofThree]

"Beautiful little snowflakes" haha Love it.

Hm. I love talking to strangers...not that I'm any less scared about it though...^_^

[Aaroncast86]

Well, it's good to face your fears.

[ZachrielCL]

And also, the cultural differences between educational systems in other countries =p

[Aaroncast86]

Yes, of course all countries are going to have slightly different educational systems.

[ZachrielCL]

Hm, I think I'd have to disagree with you on this one. When I was in high school, most of my classmates were really immature and just wanted to be "above" the rest of the class by making fun of the shyer or different ones. Fortunately, on my second year of university I met some wonderful and open-minded friends, and with them I still stay in contact. I guess it just depends on what kind of personality you have.

[Aaroncast86]

I'm not sure how wanting or believing your "above" anyone or anything makes you mature, and making fun of anyone for anything certianly doesn't make you mature. Especially if your making fun of someone for being shy.

[Aaroncast86]

In high school I was often more mature then a lot of my peers, that didn't make me better then them though. Also, I don't think that when people graduate from high school they magically become mature. In fact I've found a lot of people in university are just as mature or immature as they were in high school because (shocker) their the same people that were in high school not too long ago.

[ZachrielCL]

To define how a person is better than another is a really subjective matter I believe, and in some way, so is the definition of "mature". But you are right about the "magically becoming mature once out of high school" thing. I had a classmate on my first year of uni who was very similar to my high school mates, and I think he hasn't changed up to this day. But also, there were people who "matured" over time, and sort of left behind that herd mentality that they had in high school.

[ZachrielCL]

On a final note: I liked discussing this topic with you n_n I'll suscribe to your videos =)

[ZachrielCL]

I didn't mean that making fun of others made them more mature, they just did it because they thought it was fun and that it made them better than the others. They saw it as the thing to do in order to be respected. Sorry if I didn't get my point across.

[Aaroncast86]

Your completely correct about the subjectivity of what is and is not "mature" and regardless of how mature one may be I think it's important to be able to let go and just act silly every now and then, assuming that you're not being extremely offensive and rude to anyone on purpose while doing so. When I said 'mature' I meant someone who is respectful to others even if they don't agree with them, someone who doesn't to irresponsible things if they can help it.

[Aaroncast86]

Of course, that's a very brief and broad definition of the word 'mature'.

I think that when one person harasses another (even if it's as petty as calling someone fat) it's usually because the person doing the harassment (the harasser?) has some self esteem issues that they are projecting onto the other person. I think that's basically what you were saying too...

[Aaroncast86]

in fact I'm almost positive that is what you were saying now that I read it again. Somehow when I read it before I thought you were saying that YOU thought you were better then them because you were more mature. Which isn't what you wrote at all.

I also enjoyed discussing this with you. In a odd way it's good to know that not everyone has the same experience with forming friendships as I do... maybe because it offers hope that things can be different.

[ouREvilone]

Another great video. I think your good at giving advice and being sincere about it. Great description on high school and college. I recently have begun living on campus and its been rough. I found myself doing the very things you talked about. College is harder because you have to force yourself more in school work and friends unlike high school its forced upon you.

[Aaroncast86]

You're right about how in high school school work and friends are sort of pushed onto you. Then in university... some days it feels like I could disappear without notice. It's like you graduate from high school and the world says to you "ok, we've helped you enough, your on your own, screw it up if you want but we wont really care if you do." Which is of course not completely true but... also, alcohol is pushed a lot harder in university.

[TheRavenOfPoe]

Great video Aaron! =) This sounds identical to the situation over here in Australia with high school vs. university friendships. That university drinking culture is very big here too, but I was able to form great friendships outside of that structure by being a member of several University Societies (sort of clubs for people with similar interests, ranging from Film societies to Literature societies etc.)

[Aaroncast86]

I wish my university had such University Societies... or at maybe I should say I wish it had ones that did more then just beerfests and keg-o-ramas and other various alcohol consuming events.

Thanks for your comment and thank you for subscribing!!!

[JessicaCapela]

Hey Aaron (?)

Well, i have to say that i really enjoyed this video.

Next year i'm going to the university (far away from home) and i must say that it scares me a little bit to go to a place where i know... no one!

In high school, i knew my mates since middle school (I moved to portugal. i lived in France) so it was a lot easier. Eventhough the environment was quite different, we still have those friends to help us. We don't feel too lost in that new school.

[JessicaCapela]

Well, i'm a little bit scared... like everyone else, i guess. I suppose that, if i want to make some new friends i would have to introduce myself. .

I don't know why i'm already nervous. i still got a year with my friends and to be everyday home!

So, thank you for this vid.

And, have a nice day. :D *

[Aaroncast86]

Thank you so much for this comment!

For me going into my first year I thought university would be this amazing experience were there wasn't the drama of high school and you'd make friendships that would last for life. Instead I found it was a place were if you didn't drink alcohol you weren't going to have a social life as easily as you would if you'd go get smashed (drunk, intoxicated) every weekend.

[Aaroncast86]

I'll probably be making more videos about my university experience thus far, I have two years to go after this current year.

[Aaroncast86]

And you have a nice day too!

[iSean123]

Cool vid, even though i'm nowwhere near uni still cool to watch, Peace

[Aaroncast86]

I'm glad you enjoyed it, have a beautiful day!

[Emmalina]

My gosh, thank you so much for this video. My boyfriend and I were arguing last night because he just doesn't understand why I "can't make friends at Uni". I whine constantly because all of my mates work full time and I go to Uni alone. Luke thinks I'm being pessimistic and just doesn't understand that at University you're in a room with up to 300 strangers in it; it's not like highschool where there's a constant 25 people in your class max.

[Emmalina]

For someone shy who knows no one there, it's almost impossible to make a true friend at Uni who you'll see regularly and go out with.

[Aaroncast86]

Thanks for your comment Emmalina, I'm glad you liked this video.

I'm going to make a few more videos that are sort of about this subject. One will be about my experiences with friendships since high school and I'll probably make more about this as time goes by but we'll see.