Jeff Goldbum's Best Story Ever

[castro1780]

He gives off a little tay zonday vibe

[MetalWar89]

awesome

[link8675309]

and um(wait 4 seconds)and um

[Dibrini]

Thought he was gonna say that he vomited on her leg and melted it!

[Fatalerror300]

he was bullshitting the whole story.

[BorryDutch]

Haha, he calls jacking off auto-satisfaction.

[sellmeyourchild]

RIP jeff goldblum



[StopUsingChickens]

She's probably dead anyways. Meth is a hell of a drug.

[hughmountbatten]

@libertarianjury

I bet he would have

I'm even positive he would have

he's too awesome to not to sign

and DAMN LUCKY YOU

[Themastercode1235]

He's such a good actor :)

[mkl62]

Jeff Goldblum will be appearing this Monday (August 15) on The Martha Stewart Show.

[Scotch7000]

its ian malcolm! haha nah jk

[partysweet]

Jeef Goldblum should be on the next season of Dexter!! He would be PERFECT!!!

[lightningsmokerXx]

@partysweet OMG LOL! GOLDBLUM IS THE KING!

YES ACTUALLY THAT'S A GREAT IDEA! He should be the next one dexter hunts.

[DrCube]

@partysweet He was just on The League, it was EPICCCC

[christianskates23]

fuck jeff goldblum man

[FriggenLoco]

Jurassic Jeff :D

[MitchZer0II]

As long as Dinosaurs have nothing to do with this Jeff Goldblum story, I'd say this story is awesome.

[TheFanSpinsVideos]

im sure im the only person here that searched jeff goldblum because jeff davis does an impression of him...

[CapnSammich]

@TheFanSpinsVideos not necessarily...:D

[xxExpectxNothingxx]

@TheFanSpinsVideos noooo

[DanthemanCTU24]

Best Video Ever...

[Lostprophetzzz]

"checkmate"

[yoe91]

He's such a pervert this guy. I think of The Fly and ....ukhkhh....

[ethusiasm]

@yoe91 lol, you don't like him just because of a role he played before? that sounds really childish.

[gangrail]

@yoe91 go watch Jurassic park 

[gangrail]

@yoe91 or you can go watch independence day both are good

[rcon1012]

the title says jeff goldbum

goldbum

[AniCator]

@rcon1012 wow lol

[bigwerds]

I totally saw Jeff Goldblum browsing for cheese at Whole Foods about a month ago.

[meetdiamond]

charming

[YouFoolWarrenIsDead]

Are these characters auto... erotic?

[stonesourer1988]

man fuck jeff goldblum

[PoopLoungeProduction]

@stonesourer1988 haha good reference

[myfrianoel]

jeff goldblum? CTFXC ftw

[kalteich]

Goldblum's voice reminds me of Adam West.

[MoultonProductions]

Thumbs up if you got an ad that has Santa running towards Target in slow-motion while Carol of the Bells is being played and couldn't stop laughing...

[klaasdeboer]

Great story. Rest in peace :(.

[MXDP]

@klaasdeboer Eh, Jeff Goldblum leeft nog hoor!

[KrfNYC2]

@klaasdeboer He's not dead.

[2ndsergeantpavlov]

WEST HOMESTEAD REPRESENT!!!!!!!

[Geoshi]

Autosanctification? The hell kind of word is that? Hahaha!

[whattisaname]

@Geoshi autosatisfaction...

[DeathBringer9000]

the children's voices at the beginning and end kinda threw me off

[egnaro24]

hahahah autosatisfaction?!!!! what kinda word is that? hahah

[redgixxer18]

that is the absolute worst fucking story on the planet. This has just solidified my opinion that jeff goldcunt is the biggest fuckwad alien to ever stand infront of a camera, want to cure cancer? kill this man

[elprettio]

@redgixxer18 lol its ridiculous how hateful towards someone people can be for no good reason at all. GFY.

[stpwns]

yeah right, he fucked her

[creaturanoctis]

LOL, " Auto-Satisfaction". He can even make a seemingly " dirty " word sound distinguished. Jeff, you're both hot 'n cool at the same time!:)

[TheRooster602]

Not quite a raconteur... umming and stumbling and not quite spellbinding. What an anticlimax.

[damiongringe]

@TheRooster602 You're an idiot.

[allismind]

@TheRooster602 i dont know, the umming and stumbling adds some aesthetic flavor to the story

[MrV902]

...

:/

[rockerseven]

lol, the little claymation and the kids saying "best story ever!" at the beginning makes it seem like hes about to tell a little kids story for some kids program...which makes it really funny when he starts getting into the story lol

[howcomecattleman]

extracentalistism... hes number 1#

[TeenMom181]

wow I had a crush on him for a long time

[ImMrFeelGood]

FUCK JEFF GOLDBLUM

[howcomecattleman]

the beta gamma electron monster from andropov...HAS BEEN DESTROYED!

[TheKoolKitteh]

....I was not expecting that....I love it!

[malsmarola7]

"Jeff Goldblum... handsome for a man"

- Eric Wareheim

[ThousanWhite]

R.I.P. Jeff Goldblum

[samyooljackson]

@ThousanWhite He's not dead.

[UselessRambling]

Awww! Just because he's telling the story, it's the Best Story Ever. :) He gets so into it! Adorable. <3

[blammers]

That's a lousy story, but as Jeff Goldblum tells it, it's an epic.

[emilylouisechurchos]

Jeff Goldblum is the definition of sex.

I would make so much sweet love to him.

[ujo1934]

i feel like he's watching me poop

[TeenMom181]

@ujo1934 wtf how can he when he's still alive?

[TeenMom181]

@ujo1934 wtf how can he when he's still alive?

[ujo1934]

@TeenMom181 well he was in Law and Order and i think hes in a new movie

[yurilover01]

i wish Jeff Goldblum would narrate my bowel movements =p

[Gizkalord]

@yurilover01 Hahaha I'm drunk

[sohok8]

people told me i look like jeff goldblum, i wish i TALKED like him, talk about charisma.. damn.

[mskiara18]

Lol He is so cute. good thing he ran away from that place too :)

[jellybobish]

CTFxC rulz

[kirikakirikakirika]

OMG, I totally agree with parasolface! I have literally always wanted to see that happen, especially since I love them both and I think their voices are the shit! Jeff Goldblum seems like he'd be a really nice person to meet in real life, too. I never got that, "I'm an actor and I'm rich so I'm so much better than everyone" vibe from him. He's always got that confident smile and air about him, but it doesn't seem like a bad thing. He seems like an all-around nice guy. You're awesome, Jeff!

[MrGossardX]

When I was about 4 I saw Jeff Goldblum on a show called "Tenspeed and Brownshoe" with Ben Vereen a long time ago and I thought that Goldblum was Latin American and just did not speak Spanish.

[ryguybcp]

The way he talks is fucking hilarious!

[calvinisidore]

Ironic that a brothel story is introduced by a child's voice and a cute claymation.

[orland0110]

Hey Jeff, have you had any double cheeseburgers with everything lately. LOL.

[Kohe321]

That was a fuckign lousy story, haha.

[doorsfan711]

lol I heard him talk about his "death" rumor on the daily show

[alinalin0]

rip Jeff Goldblum :( you will be missed

[doublek9000]

@alinalin0 omg Jeff Goldblum is not dead!! He is very much alive and well!

[PVFF87]

@doublek9000 Thanks Ken! OMG!

[doublek9000]

@PVFF87 no problem ;)

[jessiexmarie]

lool naughty jeff goldblum;D

[Fitchman]

It's still the best story ever Mr Goldblum ;)

[IIIEX7R3M3III]

He knows how to tell a story well.

[jroc24931]

im pretty sure he isnt dead retard

[ChrisWestaway]

ri.p jef goldblum 1942-2009

[SanguisArcangel]

he's still alive you fucking idiot

[kope2kope]

You got trolled bro.

[SanguisArcangel]

@kope2kope Good one

[KodierungHerz]

@SanguisArcangel how do you know?

[gameking218]

@SanguisArcangel who are you talking to?

[SanguisArcangel]

@gameking218 who are you talking to?

[fyfytj]

He's not dead. And he was born in 1952. Dumbass.

[benirall1246]

WE ARE WINE BOTTLES

[benirall1246]

that intro reminds me of kittens inspired by kittens

[axelvs94]

Jeff Goldblum FTW, HE ROCKS!

[RacerE7773]

It would be so cool to hang out at a restaurant with him and hear his stories over a couple steaks and beers.

[joemama145]

jeff goldblum was born with that voice he never hit puburty he was born with it

[Emilydogcat]

I am glad that you left Jeff! The story sounds weird, like they might have wanted to trap you--that's the feeling I get from hearing the story!

[K1w1Fu]

I bet that prossie's thinkin: DAMN!

[Zorocot]

He sounds exactly like Adam West if you close your eyes...

[libertarianjury]

I was working on the 2004 Libertarian Party petition drive in Pittsburgh, and saw Goldblum outside of a theater. I was asking people to sign the petition, but didn't ask him because he was involved in an intense conversation about theater with someone, and I didn't want to interrupt him. I didn't realize he was from Pittsburgh. I wonder if he supports ballot access, or would have signed. :D

[Jaylawtheman]

I love Jeff Goldblum. He's got the coolest character. He's like the epitome of cool.

[Motorhead1167]

O_O

[philosofreek]

Jeepers Jeff. Whats it like being a fly?

[laloali2]

you know in real life he didnt leave, he fucked dat hoe!!!

[icarus313]

I had no idea he was such a horndog. Jeff Goldblum never ceases to make me laugh, what a champ!

[kieryh]

OMG that's a kids show

[missyloveyou]

It's not a kids show! It's The Hour.

[montgomc]

I don't think this is true much less funny! Those people laughing are just brown nosers.

But it's good he didn't die...

[outbreak201]

O_O thats the STORY!!!?

[ShakaKingcVc]

FUCK YOU

[faustcet]

his voice seems so familiar...

Awesome actor too.

[tasaraha2009]

hes got a geeky sexyness to him.

n no hes not dead

[Jelloxox]

I know! I love his geeky sexiiness. Great voice as well. GREAT for dirty talk during sex lol. Then afterwords when ur laying in bed with him, he can tell you a random ass story that can only be described as the sweet nothings of a rambling man. lol No one can ramble quite like Goldblum I love this guy. Great actor, stays out of the hollywood radar and keeps making great films. Whats not to love?

And no hes not dead.

[Iondal1]

kinda creepy...

[freefrodofromfrance]

a let down to the story what would have been great was if he fucked her then gave her 5 dollars

[CarlstonOKC]

lol that truly was... the best story ever

[wovokanarchy]

Creepy Jew.

[pilzepie]

B O R I N G

[parasolface]

I just want to put him and Christopher Walken in a room and listen to them talk to each other. I'm sure only great things could come of it.

[AventuraLuver]

Hahahaha.

[haydenarias]

@parasolface

and James Earl Jones, Liam Neeson, and Morgan Freeman.

[parasolface]

@haydenarias I like the James Earl Jones and Morgan Freeman additions but not so much Liam Neeson. Don't get me wrong, Liam Neeson is one of the coolest fucking dudes on the planet but he doesn't have that unique manner of speaking that the other guys have. Especially in comparison to Christopher Walken and Jeff Goldblum. But wow! Morgan Freeman, with one of the most soothing voices in the world, would be a great addition to that little dialogue.

[Colton5]

@parasolface yes, i concur

[leapoffaith20]

@parasolface Very strange and possibly quite scary things, but great things nontheless.

[mormonjoe]

@parasolface Until Jeff Goldblum talks to him wrong, and Walken stabs him in the face with a soldering iron.

[TheBolognaPony]

@mormonjoe Walken hates Stiffly Stiffersons.

[shatwood]

@TheBolognaPony

PING! PANG! POW! Stiffly deserved it. Took Walken's parking space.

[KrfNYC2]

@parasolface Either that or a blood bath.

[benxander]

Myyyy herro

[Cowstrips]

hehe, Jeff Goldbum

[cookiemonsterbooah]

He's just a big geek. I find that endearing.

[ruithael]

Oh my God, this is a great story. Jeff Goldblum is so awesome with his unfettered honesty.

[ivanahumpalot420]

he sounds a lot like adam west.

[vinylflowersss]

amazing when people don't get subtle humor, or the embodiment of

[Lizomad]

sadly, i like Jeff Goldblum less now. I'm going to go watch Jurassic Park to wash the nasty taste of that story out of my mouth.

[realdoogie]

fear hookers

[happyhappy85]

Worst story ever.

[bramachari]

What a worthless, shaggy dog story!

[brunoscarface]

I love his voice!

[nerdfightersftw]

When they said that in Pineapple Express, I shouted, "I SO WOULD!"

My boyfriend was not pleased.

[LadyVLR]

My (female) friend and I went to see it on a late weekday night, so we ended up being the only ones in the theater, and pretty much were able to talk/laugh at normal volume. When they said that, I said to her, "I'd love to!" which resulted in a spatter of giggles.

[russcarljohnson]

sometimes i wished i lived in Jeff Goldbloom's world.

I probably wouldn't get much done, but i probably wouldn't care.

[Psycoticlese]

that's a quote from red vs blue lol

[russcarljohnson]

shhh!

Don't bring attention to it and maybe i'll get away with it.

[Methos5000plus]

That reminds me very much of one Harpo Marx Wrote in his autobiography.

[kinslayer120]

ehh..okey?

[24Bradley]

Yay! Jeffs awesome :]

[andytheobliviator]

that was the most incredible use of 3 minutes I've ever experienced. Godspeed, Jeff.

[JoeSomebody2]

I doubt I'd even have the gall to go as far as he went.

[kiaratoti]

omg.

[rnrtickle]

worst story ever. why would you want to share such a terrible story with other people as if they would be interested in that pathetic attempt at storytelling. if thats his best story ever than hes the most uninteresting person ever

[RadioHeadFan94]

you should hear the drunk version (well, slowed down of course)

[superstarpreston]

yeah this guy is pitiful.  awful story, hes been in a bunch of crappy movies, and he watches people poop.

[HYBRYD1991]

crappy movies? The Fly,Jurassic Park and The Lost World are not crappy

[NothernSpecter]

and Independence day

[zimfromBM]

nah dude independence day was pretty crap.

[NothernSpecter]

no lol

[GRRAB]

STARFOX 64

[Epblueyes]

DO A BARREL ROLL

[CheddarBob39]

@GRRAB ROTFL

[4Love10]

is it me?,i don't find Jeff Goldbum attractive neither ugly(in is movies),i know im a man and im not gay but actors like Tom Cruise,Brad Pitt,Will Smith are good looking person,others are ugly as hell,but Jeff Goldbum seen to be in between

[Tyreleon]

Girls like him because he towers over all of the above :-)

[Moshm4n]

Jeff Goldblum watched me poop today.

[DB3457]

he has such a unique voice

[mattfire552]

wtf, they had clowns back in 1505?

[tadamori]

Spoon River!!! :D

[6Hellbilly6Deluxe6]

once upon a time Jeff Goldblum made up a story...

now that you've read that you must copy and paste this to 100 videos in 3 mins or a flock of vampire bats will kill you and your family

[XAADAA]

i love this story.....unreal!!!

[CotardDelusion]

HOT!!!

[shuckslbj]

Jeff Goldblum is the king of awkward. That's why I like him.