i dont know if it is something that might help but on my facebook, i have told everything i wrote notes and status's about it... well i have friends that are over weight, but i have one person i went to highschool with who is like i was obese. and i simply sent her the video someone made called im worth it. I think thats what it was called but its about this. i talk with alot of people i see overweight when they say how gd i look i tell them they could do it to. i dont think its a bad thing.
Actually,there is really nothing that you can do. The more that people comment on what you eat, the more you want to eat it. My mother in law that attacked me CONSTANTLY. I would sneak out and eat horrible stuff because even if I was eating healthy, she would watch me like a hawk. People have to hit their own brick wall to be able to do something about it. The only way you could help is maybe start a conversation that has nothing to do with her, but talking about your struggles. Maybe the hint?
I liked what I just heard in a video "you can't do this alone, but no one can do it for you" If they ask questions of you, then tell them. BUT they have to learn it themselves. I have a person in my 4 person department with the same surgery for a longer period of time. I succeeded, and she did not, and me 'helping' caused problems.
This is a very sensitive topic. I would say.... Wait.... Wait until they come and talk to u about weight gain/loss/surgery..... U know how sensitive u were when u were unhealthy. I sometimes got mad at people who came to em to talk about it. Maybe create the opportunity.... Talk about ur experience, and start talking about u and see how they react. If they r open to talk about it.... Tell them how u felt when people came and talked to u, and say how much u understand now. Tell them if they eve
Life style changes are not easy for anyone nor is having WLS. Try to remember that at one time you were that person that digusts you with their eating. There are many reasons. Remember regardless of what this person looks like they have feelings too and yes, you may want to help them in the worst way and are tempted to say something, but before you do think and ask God to put the right words in your mouth or keep it shut. You mean well, but until that person is ready just be a friend.
It wasn't until my WLS that I found out I had cancer and the surgeon instead of calling in an oncologist performed the RNY on me any way leaving me only months away from dying because he the WLS surgeon was greedy and saw fat people as productivity numbers instead of human beings.
Sometimes its better left unsaid. They are fully aware of what they are doing and what they look like. Those of us who were in your friends shoes don't need reminded. Not everyone gains weight for the same reasons, healthy or not. A lot of times it is a coping mechanism or a protective barrier they have put between themselves and the world. If they want help they will ask. They are aware of what they are doing and what they look like. Be a friend, keep them in your prayers & let go & let God.
Sounds like you've answered your own question. I think at best the the person is probably not going to listen to your advice if they're not ready to make a change, and at worst they may feel humiliated so unless you get clear indications from them that they want help, I wouldn't say anything. As much as you care, it's their battle, not yours. And just being a friend and a support to them is probably the best thing you can do. Just my thoughts.
It's not a good idea to give advice unless someone has asked for it, now if they mention there on a diet in any way I then tell my story, remember WLS is not for everyone, it isn't a quick fix for someone just wanting to loose weight without working the rules.
And some don't have insurance or cannot afford co-pay's. , there for I tell them about the WLSFA grant program they can apply for.
@phillytomcat It used to be a very sensitive spot for me but at the same time the downward spiral is hard to watch. Hopefully just being an available shoulder to lean on will work out, but man, I really wish I could just download all that I learned into their head like a podcast so they could finally have some success and feel good about themselves ;) It's not a money thing, it is just mis-education, stubbornness and falling for all the weight loss marketing products. Thanks for the comment.
i have only been in that place a few times since having WLS. I was the fat one out of the people in my life, so i rarely run into this type of thing. When I have i start a conversation with the person about food and exercise. see where they are and where they want to go. from there the conversation develops. not everyone is ready to have WLS. not everyone is ready to make lifechanges to be their best self. i do wish that someone in my life would have said something powerful to me to HELP me.
@bandedwendy I hear you :) I was the fat friend, the purse and coat watcher, maybe that is why I am so conflicted with this one. I think they are getting too many powerful messages from the fad diet product marketers. Thanks for the advice ;)
It seems harmless enough to share your experience with others. I do not think it's a good idea, though, to give advice unless someone has asked for help. The reason you are frustrated is because you care about this person's health, and that is wonderful.
@allsunnydays Thanks for bringing that to my attention, you are right, i do care and I hope I get to see them finally come around cut the craziness. It is their road to walk.
My husband actually told me that I could get some surgical help years ago. I'm blessed to have such a supportive man in my life. Sadly, I just wasn't ready at the time. I suggest being their friend and if the opportunity ever presents itself, saying that you're a good sounding board if they ever want to discuss surgical options. For some of us, we have to figure it out on our own. My surgery i next Tuesday and I have to admit that I'm finally ready to use this tool to my advantage.
I wish someone had told me while I was putting on 180 pounds.. :( BUT NO ONE DID! No one ever did. I had to figure it out for myself. In this case it really depends how close you are to this person but maybe try talk about how you lost weight and what you had to eat etc etc as an ice breaker.
I always remember what someone once told me, we are where we are in life based on the decisions WE made. It's very difficult to watch someone struggle period, not alone something you have experienced and finally figured out the answer. whew! Everyone has their own journey to go through in life and we arrive at difficult places at different times. They see your success, I would wait until I was asked for advice and I would simply live by example.
Anyone who tried to "help" me was never in my pre-op position a day in their life, so there was no relating. If I had "help" from someone who had gone through something similar surgery or not I think I would have been responsive. I actually had a neighbor in my condo building ask about my surgery after accidentally mentioning it. We met for coffee to talk about the details. People don't always know they have options, unless they receive knowledge/advice. But it is a thin line for sure.
@kerrydietrich True, well said, a very thin line. Hopefully the discussion lines will open and she will be able to have the same success I had before she has the same serious health issues. Thank you!
That's a tough one, I'd say let her make her choices but be there for her and maybe if she mentions something about it, kinda slip it in and say "hey, I can help you and give you hints" I have been blunt with my son though, he is 180 pounds age 19 at 5'10, not bad but he eats poorly and I tell him straight away. I do not want him heading down this path I went down. Wish I could be more help, hope you figure it out and I hope your friend comes to you for help. :)
@AngeliclySo Some people are stubborn, I was too :) Hopefully they both can figure it out before they start having more serious health issues. Thank you!
i'm kind of in the same position with my best friend and I. She's going through some serious health problems, and she's around 270lbs at 5'6". The best thing I could come up with is to lead by example. If you show them what you did and how you did it and how much healthier and happier you are, maybe they will come to you, and then you can educate them. If they don't get to that point, well, that's their decision. that concern is what makes you a good person, though!
If the friend wants help, she may ask for it when the time is right for her. Weight is a sensitive subject for someone who is struggling. She may not be receptive to your good intention of helping her.
i dont know if it is something that might help but on my facebook, i have told everything i wrote notes and status's about it... well i have friends that are over weight, but i have one person i went to highschool with who is like i was obese. and i simply sent her the video someone made called im worth it. I think thats what it was called but its about this. i talk with alot of people i see overweight when they say how gd i look i tell them they could do it to. i dont think its a bad thing.
crzywhtgyrl131 1 month ago
Actually,there is really nothing that you can do. The more that people comment on what you eat, the more you want to eat it. My mother in law that attacked me CONSTANTLY. I would sneak out and eat horrible stuff because even if I was eating healthy, she would watch me like a hawk. People have to hit their own brick wall to be able to do something about it. The only way you could help is maybe start a conversation that has nothing to do with her, but talking about your struggles. Maybe the hint?
CandiisSweetEnough 1 month ago
Just live by being an example. More is said with your actions ever than with words. One kind action is worth a thousand words.
2BMYBEST4ME 1 month ago
I liked what I just heard in a video "you can't do this alone, but no one can do it for you" If they ask questions of you, then tell them. BUT they have to learn it themselves. I have a person in my 4 person department with the same surgery for a longer period of time. I succeeded, and she did not, and me 'helping' caused problems.
DreamyJeanne1 1 month ago
This is a very sensitive topic. I would say.... Wait.... Wait until they come and talk to u about weight gain/loss/surgery..... U know how sensitive u were when u were unhealthy. I sometimes got mad at people who came to em to talk about it. Maybe create the opportunity.... Talk about ur experience, and start talking about u and see how they react. If they r open to talk about it.... Tell them how u felt when people came and talked to u, and say how much u understand now. Tell them if they eve
MsLullysWorld 1 month ago
Life style changes are not easy for anyone nor is having WLS. Try to remember that at one time you were that person that digusts you with their eating. There are many reasons. Remember regardless of what this person looks like they have feelings too and yes, you may want to help them in the worst way and are tempted to say something, but before you do think and ask God to put the right words in your mouth or keep it shut. You mean well, but until that person is ready just be a friend.
Skyreader1 1 month ago
It wasn't until my WLS that I found out I had cancer and the surgeon instead of calling in an oncologist performed the RNY on me any way leaving me only months away from dying because he the WLS surgeon was greedy and saw fat people as productivity numbers instead of human beings.
Skyreader1 1 month ago
Sometimes its better left unsaid. They are fully aware of what they are doing and what they look like. Those of us who were in your friends shoes don't need reminded. Not everyone gains weight for the same reasons, healthy or not. A lot of times it is a coping mechanism or a protective barrier they have put between themselves and the world. If they want help they will ask. They are aware of what they are doing and what they look like. Be a friend, keep them in your prayers & let go & let God.
Skyreader1 1 month ago
Tell him or her your story and let them take from it what they want.
AmySDMOM 1 month ago
Sounds like you've answered your own question. I think at best the the person is probably not going to listen to your advice if they're not ready to make a change, and at worst they may feel humiliated so unless you get clear indications from them that they want help, I wouldn't say anything. As much as you care, it's their battle, not yours. And just being a friend and a support to them is probably the best thing you can do. Just my thoughts.
gtpmax 1 month ago
@gtpmax I agree, I think that is the best thing to do :)
BeTheBestMe 1 month ago
It's not a good idea to give advice unless someone has asked for it, now if they mention there on a diet in any way I then tell my story, remember WLS is not for everyone, it isn't a quick fix for someone just wanting to loose weight without working the rules.
And some don't have insurance or cannot afford co-pay's. , there for I tell them about the WLSFA grant program they can apply for.
phillytomcat 1 month ago
@phillytomcat It used to be a very sensitive spot for me but at the same time the downward spiral is hard to watch. Hopefully just being an available shoulder to lean on will work out, but man, I really wish I could just download all that I learned into their head like a podcast so they could finally have some success and feel good about themselves ;) It's not a money thing, it is just mis-education, stubbornness and falling for all the weight loss marketing products. Thanks for the comment.
BeTheBestMe 1 month ago
I stay out of it until they ask for my input. It's not my place to critique. Love Janine
PinkFishLilly 1 month ago
@PinkFishLilly That is going to be my plan - thanks for the comment :)
BeTheBestMe 1 month ago
i have only been in that place a few times since having WLS. I was the fat one out of the people in my life, so i rarely run into this type of thing. When I have i start a conversation with the person about food and exercise. see where they are and where they want to go. from there the conversation develops. not everyone is ready to have WLS. not everyone is ready to make lifechanges to be their best self. i do wish that someone in my life would have said something powerful to me to HELP me.
bandedwendy 1 month ago
@bandedwendy I hear you :) I was the fat friend, the purse and coat watcher, maybe that is why I am so conflicted with this one. I think they are getting too many powerful messages from the fad diet product marketers. Thanks for the advice ;)
BeTheBestMe 1 month ago in playlist Uploaded videos
It seems harmless enough to share your experience with others. I do not think it's a good idea, though, to give advice unless someone has asked for help. The reason you are frustrated is because you care about this person's health, and that is wonderful.
allsunnydays 1 month ago
@allsunnydays Thanks for bringing that to my attention, you are right, i do care and I hope I get to see them finally come around cut the craziness. It is their road to walk.
BeTheBestMe 1 month ago
My husband actually told me that I could get some surgical help years ago. I'm blessed to have such a supportive man in my life. Sadly, I just wasn't ready at the time. I suggest being their friend and if the opportunity ever presents itself, saying that you're a good sounding board if they ever want to discuss surgical options. For some of us, we have to figure it out on our own. My surgery i next Tuesday and I have to admit that I'm finally ready to use this tool to my advantage.
putasleeveonit 1 month ago
@putasleeveonit It's a tough spot to be in, hopefully they will figure it out before long. Good luck with your surgery! How exciting!
BeTheBestMe 1 month ago
I wish someone had told me while I was putting on 180 pounds.. :( BUT NO ONE DID! No one ever did. I had to figure it out for myself. In this case it really depends how close you are to this person but maybe try talk about how you lost weight and what you had to eat etc etc as an ice breaker.
BeckyNoLimits 1 month ago
@BeckyNoLimits Wow, no one? Glad you figured it out, hopefully my friend will too :)
BeTheBestMe 1 month ago
I always remember what someone once told me, we are where we are in life based on the decisions WE made. It's very difficult to watch someone struggle period, not alone something you have experienced and finally figured out the answer. whew! Everyone has their own journey to go through in life and we arrive at difficult places at different times. They see your success, I would wait until I was asked for advice and I would simply live by example.
kkimberly2004 1 month ago
@kkimberly2004 Very good advice!
BeTheBestMe 1 month ago
Anyone who tried to "help" me was never in my pre-op position a day in their life, so there was no relating. If I had "help" from someone who had gone through something similar surgery or not I think I would have been responsive. I actually had a neighbor in my condo building ask about my surgery after accidentally mentioning it. We met for coffee to talk about the details. People don't always know they have options, unless they receive knowledge/advice. But it is a thin line for sure.
kerrydietrich 1 month ago
@kerrydietrich True, well said, a very thin line. Hopefully the discussion lines will open and she will be able to have the same success I had before she has the same serious health issues. Thank you!
BeTheBestMe 1 month ago
That's a tough one, I'd say let her make her choices but be there for her and maybe if she mentions something about it, kinda slip it in and say "hey, I can help you and give you hints" I have been blunt with my son though, he is 180 pounds age 19 at 5'10, not bad but he eats poorly and I tell him straight away. I do not want him heading down this path I went down. Wish I could be more help, hope you figure it out and I hope your friend comes to you for help. :)
AngeliclySo 1 month ago
@AngeliclySo Some people are stubborn, I was too :) Hopefully they both can figure it out before they start having more serious health issues. Thank you!
BeTheBestMe 1 month ago
i'm kind of in the same position with my best friend and I. She's going through some serious health problems, and she's around 270lbs at 5'6". The best thing I could come up with is to lead by example. If you show them what you did and how you did it and how much healthier and happier you are, maybe they will come to you, and then you can educate them. If they don't get to that point, well, that's their decision. that concern is what makes you a good person, though!
NewMamaMia 1 month ago
@NewMamaMia True, the best thing is lead by example :) Well said - hope your friend has success too!
BeTheBestMe 1 month ago
I tend to lean towards the socratic method when i'm attempting to educate someone.
TheBongSauce 1 month ago
@TheBongSauce Hmmm, good to know ;) Thank you!
BeTheBestMe 1 month ago
If the friend wants help, she may ask for it when the time is right for her. Weight is a sensitive subject for someone who is struggling. She may not be receptive to your good intention of helping her.
HealthSeekerNot2Late 1 month ago
@HealthSeekerNot2Late I agree, good advice!
BeTheBestMe 1 month ago