Rifftrax vs Bella Swan

[MegaAdam1000]

"I do not know what is going on."

[sanitydotorg]

lol rabbit dentures

[NuGhost]

"Kristen Stewart: Because a different facial expression would be too hard."

[damnyoustamos]

The girl who played Stacey Pilgrim being in this movie makes me wish it were full of video game-esque fighting.

[ZacharyDBrooks]

Gosh... even watching voiced over clips of that movie is painful.

[ButterflyRedrum]

Lol "Are you wet again?"

[eastwing329]

Edward, I have to know, when you try to read her mind, do you by any chance hear crickets chirping?

[TheBelieveit1]

@eastwing329 no that would imply that there is something in that shell she calls a head

[OceanbornAngel]

You know, I have to say that I like Kristen Stewert but I just hate the Twilight movies.

[chrome381]

The female keanu Reeves

[BigMikeMcBastard]

Llllllllllllllllllllllllllllll­llllllllllllllllllllladies.

[harry426]

7:17, Okay, if I had gone to see that movie in theater, this is the point were I would have burst out laughing.

[Zuyuri]

"Kristen? Kristen...camera's rolling, honey; ACT, please!"

Seriously, guys, you're asking too much of her; she can't act and she can't smile.

[ronin6401]

"I can't bring myself to regret the decision to leave home."....that's all she does for the first half hour of the damn movie.

[SenseOrSensibility]

New drinking game! Do a shot every time someone pauses in the middle of a sentence! Warning: May cause severe alcohol poisoning within the first twenty minutes.

[nervmeister]

How in the diddly f**k did this get #1 in the box office, again?

[SenseOrSensibility]

@nervmeister FANGIRLS. 

[nervmeister]

@SenseOrSensibility

Yeah. But even for a fanservicey movie adaptation/cash-in, it somehow managed to raise the bar in shallowness.

[Chirios1]

"Because it doesn't make sense for you to love me!" the twilight series summed up in nine words.

[SeizethedaySpot]

I like their riffs, though I think the pauses are because the characters think about what they say, sometimes...

[SeizethedaySpot]

Ugh, I love Twilight but they needed to pick a better Bella and represent the character better, hello flat, emotionless Bella aka Kristin Steward! And her gaping mouth... looks funny... I'm not trying to make fun of her looks but when she does that it is so not attractive to her.

[rentheadangelcollins]

Seriously...she is HORRIBLE, but the whole rapid blinking thing...OOH!!! Can we throw her to the Weeping Angels?! Hell the Boos from Mario would do! XDD

[AnkokuEvangeline]

I love these guys.

[ewills01]

lol 

[Karatiannadiante]

Line?

[iSamPuckett]

My God, does she get out a single complete sentence in ANY of these movies?!

[GrimReaper19]

@iSamPuckett She does, but it takes her a while, and it's very fragmented.

[zidanemaxout]

I wonder if Torgo's last name is Swan...

[Matrix29bear]

The Twilight stories are a "Don't Create Eternal Vampires Like Bella" endurance tale.

You know how Bella is bland, vapid, boring, whiny, and oozing with unfinished sentences, well, the lesson is, "DO YOU WANT AN ETERNITY OF *THAT*?!?" Edward is being punished to endure a lifetime of a Dumb-Bella by the Vampire Elders just so that he will never ever grant the boon of eternal unlife to a tedious emotional-vacuum monster like her. Bella is already an energy vampire, she sucks out your will to live

[tigerboy1966]

The expression is called "Dull Surprise".

[Yapshire]

@tigerboy1966 Ha-ha. Nice nod to "Alien From LA."

[CrystalJupiter]

@tigerboy1966 Haha. I was going to say that, then I scrolled down...

[Matrix29bear]

Quick question, "Were the Twilight movies filmed in THE MATRIX?"

Everything has a blue-green tint just like the first MATRIX movie had before Neo was Roofied off to Oz (Zion).

[Kolbatsu]

Hermione: a strong confident young woman who's somewhat of a bookworm but never hesitates to help out her friends.

Bella Swan: a Mary Sue who never does anything except for sitting around being sad and always makes retarded decisions. She doesn't do anything but things happen to her.

[TheLatiosnlatias02]

@Kolbatsu I agree with you, I'd go for Hermione instead.

[RinoaHSquallL]

So when she's having those screaming fits in her sleep, is it because she realized her life is part of the worst book series of all time and will be remembered as such?

[Sahluful]

The father is the only sane man within the entire goddamn series.

[GoThIcWoNdErGIRL]

@Sahluful lol how is that when he lets her do whatever she wants and lets weird boys come into his daughter's room every night and lets her get married as a teenager??

[mattokc]

@Sahluful Wait, would that be the same father who chuckles with approval when he learns that Jacob has just assaulted his daughter, resulting in her broken hand from fighting him off?

[Sahluful]

@mattokc Again, he's STILL the most sane man in that series.

[ronin6401]

@Sahluful I feel so bad for Billy Burke (the actor who plays Bella's dad). You watch him perform and you can tell he does not want to be there and that he can't even muster the heart because he knows just what a terrible mistake it was to accept a part in these movies.

[eastwing329]

@Sahluful or sympathetic character.

[EmpressJudge13]

@Sahluful And the most self-aware, in an almost unconscious way. Like he's going along with all the nonsense around him, but just barely and always with the awareness that it's nonsense.

[dl6omen]

@Sahluful What about mike?!?

[ProteusQ71]

02:19 Her twitchy angst level makes Annie Hall look like Joan of Arc!

[DarkWhisper11]

The actual movie was good. This indefinitely, absolutely, completely SO FREAKING better....

[smartbunny]

Bella is totally useless. These sexy monster boys cannot find someone, ANYONE more appealing?

[Matrix29bear]

@smartbunny - "Bella is totally useless. These sexy monster boys cannot find someone, ANYONE more appealing?"

Well, the hidden truth of the Twilight books and movies was that Bella was chosen by the Vampire Elders to punish Edward with a prolonged "Entertain & Save the Ditz" sentence. I figure Edward carelessly made some trite pretty bimbo a vampire and the Vampire Elders destroyed her, so his punishment was to politely tolerate & protect Bella for her entire unextended lifetime.

[Matrix29bear]

@smartbunny - "Bella is totally useless."

Since Edward would also have other his-own-destruction punishments in play if he got someone else to kill Bella, poisoned her, failed to protect her, failed to entertain her into believing he was her friend, tried to hand off his duties, or walked away; then Edward would slowly grow to despise the empty life of boring barely educated teens and never consider making such a mentally-immature or emotionally-immature vampire again. Slow painful punishment.

[Tibbieman1]

Lord, I hope she stops acting!

[kurvos]

@Tibbieman1 She needs to begin acting in order to stop acting. :P LOL

[joshuare5768]

That's it.  I sold you to another franchise.

[MafiaManMike]

I can't...stop...laughing...lmao "Twitch...twitch...gape...twit­ch" lmao

Can she ever finish her line? LMAO

[TheaSinclaire]

What emotion is Bella showing us? The correct answer is always...DULL SURPRISE!

[sonshinegirl1013]

"Uck man. Your hair smells like artifical fruit flavor. What do you do, use Suave? I'm going to die here." That kills me everytime because you can just hear this being the whiny inner voice of every teenage boy(or any guy) whose girl wants cuddle time. Plus if you every read any fanfic, Bella is always described has having Strawberry scented hair. ;D (Yes, I do realize it is sad I know that.)

[HoshikoHyuga]

You know, I never thought I could hate any fictional character so much, until the creation of Bella Swan. That statement also applies to Twilight in general.

Seriously, I'm talking to a guy in class and I mention that I hate Twilight, and he says "I never thought I'd hear a girl say that". Really?! Because I'm a girl he automatically assumes I like this awful turd of a story?!

[shadowbot09]

"can't socialise :/ obsessed with crappy book series!" < 90% female population XD

[iheartbritishboyz1]

I always wondered if the stammers were written in the screenplay or if the actors were told to act like that.

[maxtheaxeiswax]

@iheartbritishboyz1 maybe it's because the actress naturally does that when she acts because she's trying too hard or not enough. either way twilight still needs to die and be forgotten.

[agennettpeachy]

@iheartbritishboyz1 I don't think she's even acting.. if you watch her give speeches or on talk shows, she acts just the same. She must just naturally be like that haha.

[UchuuKeijiRaidanjin]

Bella swan is so terrible that I couldn't even watch the video. I could only listen to the riffing x3

[FennerenDrawsOo]

Half dead means the blood doesn't run through his veins.. Wonder how they managed to get a kid, magic?

[VTPPGLVR]

I heard that the guy playing Edward had to be talked into the part, and decided to play Edward as someone who despised himself. I bet he'd enjoy these riffs just like the rest of us. ;)

[abominableangel]

arrr the rabbit dentures ... with the snake tongue flexing from behind it looked so attractive

[Tealyz]

It's like Mystery Science Theater! :D

[WesHatesYourMovie]

@Tealyz It's the same people as Mystery Science Theater 3000's final lineup: Michael Nelson (Mike), Kevin Murphy (Servo) and Bill Corbett (Crow). The guys from the first mst3k lineup are doing a thing called Cinematic Titanic. Check it out. :)

[AlexLloydPowell]

2:40 OHMYGOD! XD hahahahahahahaha

[UrDanc3r]

i laughed uncontrollably the WHOLE 10 mins

[Babyshaking]

If vampires are half-dead, does that make Bella a half-nechrophiliac?

[SpamLizzo]

that "Whut is going on?" line is so Shatner.

[dilps]

The Twitchy and Scratchy show: starring Bella as Twitchy and Edward as Scratchy

[cookiesflippingreat]

she says every line like she just swallowed drywall.

lol. thank you thank you thank you

[lashey221]

No sitcom studio audience going "OOHWHOAAAAA!"??

xD

[darkprose]

Things are....

"....m-made of...atoms." LOL

[metaldorksforever666]

"You are my life now." Makes sense, he has NO life. He's too busy stalking her.

[WellGosh99]

It's 1:22 seconds in and I'm already crying from laughing so hard.

[DisneyMissieMouse]

"I can't dance."

"You'll get no argument from us."

LOL

[SlaveToTheTheater]

EVEN YOUR THOUGHTS STAMMER.

[xamenities]

I CAN BE BLANDER FOR YOU, I SWEAR!

[LordCorinth]

truly hilarious :)

i knew i wasnt the only one who noticed the huge ass gaps in her speech with the awkward angst, now you guys went and made it funny☺

[ClutterLustRott]

I died at generic rootbeer

[skrapyard444]

things are....made of atoms

[EmmaOnATangent]

Rifftrax PWNS Bella Swan! This would be funny. . . if Bella Swan wasn't addicted to being pwnd. . .

[LuckyGingerSnaps]

She looks like a crack baby the way she twitches...

[clivebarker25]

Line?......................

[4youglencoco]

He made the character annoying because he IS annoying.

[gentlerat]

She's not that bad compared to her bf. At least she sounds like a real person having a hard time adjusting. Pattinson, on the other hand, took a character that he thought was annoying, and made him more annoying for some reason (although I've avoided the books because there isn't a riff for those).

[mikeman4223]

My god, what kind of man is immune to Kristen Stewart's unbelievable charm?

Tsk tsk tsk :P

[mikeman4223]

It's not here, but it's actually the best quote:

"But...where are you going? We formed our gang based on a mutual concern about where you're going!".

The guys took that and ran with it :P

[AHPMB]

It's impossible for me to hear Bill Corbet's voice without picturing a Crow sillhouette flapping its beak at the bottom of the screen.

[yurismir1]

@AHPMB I think you might be insane

[cupcakelove17]

"complete sentence??..."

"awwwwww nooooo"

lmao :)

[kissfan7]

To quote my boyfriend:

"The 'Twilight' series. The story of one girl's choice between necrophilia and bestiality."

[JKovaloff]

@kissfan7 And to quote almost anyone in the world...

[csgrambauer]

@kissfan7 Hahaha this made me laugh so much. XD!!

[tieflingwizard1]

@kissfan7 That's what I have said too. Small world.

[ScrewKikyo]

@kissfan7 or pedophillia! *badumbum chhh!*

[Acobjum]

@kissfan7 Excellent quote!

[deathrooster14]

@kissfan7 You need to marry him. xD

[nagaking07]

I've got to ask everyone here: This movie, or the Last Airbender?

[LadyRhapsodos]

@nagaking07 Suicide.

[priceman141]

"WOULD YOU PLEASE GET THROUGH A SENTENCE WITHOUT A GIANT PAUSE?!?!?!"

[kyon813]

I often think to myself "These movies would be greatly improved with a Beatles soundtrack. In the opening you could play She's Leaving Home, and during the vampire baseball scene you could play All Together Now. No, wait, the Beatles deserve better than that. Maybe the Blue Meanies coming into town and SLAUGHTERING EVERYONE THERE! Sorry about that. I just HATE these films.

[BobaBaggins]

Oh. My. God.

This is the first time I have seen anything from the Twilight series. I had always assumed they were shitty, and heard the lead actress can't act and stutters all the time, but I never knew just how bad. It's well beyond mediocre.

[wouldbeawesome]

aha, spat beer on my keyboard

[gingerrmo]

can't socialize; obsessed with crappy book series

[JanayMcFearless]

Dad: "Put out so the boys will like you!"

[2wingo]

OH GOD, OH SWEET GOD, EVEN THE RIFFTRAX OF TWILIGHT IS CAUSING MY SOUL TO SHRIVEL UP AND DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

[priceman141]

"Things are..... made of atoms..."

[Cpt50Caliber]

I'm sorry but I couldn't even get through this clip show and its not even the whole movie.....and even then it wudve been funnier due to Mike, Kevin and Bill and I still wudnt b able to stomach it :S

[dilemma08]

Father: I didn't see you for three days.

Kevin: Three GLORIOUS days!

God, I laughed so hard....

[pdlbean]

things are... made of atoms.

[HarmlessVampire13]

Gah, that was fabulous : )

[sophiebear]

Low level trembling.

[Minasay123]

Can't this broad finish a sentense without suttering and blink rapidly?

[AnkokuEvangeline]

They tore her a new one... And it was magnificent.

[DarkWriter31]

"She blinks at the same rate that a hummingbird flaps it's wings!" - Bill Corbett (Perfect! And all this time I thought she was a good actress! She was good in Panic Room and Into the Wild. What happened in between?)

[sassy1988]

Now every time Bella says "change me" I snicker like a 12-year-old. Thank you RiffTrax for making her performance bearable. :-)

[helloolleh555]

It amazes me that after 20 years these guys still haven't lost it. They are still as witty and clever as ever..

[MrSlipknoted]

its like...you like...im like wow you know? xD hahahaa

[AmayaZKB]

Speaking on behalf of females (or at least ones with a sense of independence, self-esteem, and intelligence) I would like to say that not all females are like this. Many of us are not the self-involved, manipulative whores portrayed here and are more fleshed out.

On the same token, not all females like this crap. In fact, we take offence to the idea that this brat is meant to be someone we're supposed to identify with. In spite of what Meyer wants to think, that thing isn't the everyday girl.

[Kolbatsu]

Bella if your life had a face I would punch it. HARD. Then I'll kill your life's dog with a shotgun. But not after having said dog kill your life's parents and possible siblings and all relatives. Then burning your life's house with combustible lemons, that I had Cave Johnson's engineers make for such purpose. And after your life is homeless and living on the streets. I'll punch it again. In the baby maker so it will never conceive again! I hate your life that much Bella.

[tenfed1861]

@Kolbatsu Come on,man.There's no need for that.The dog didn't do anything.Just kidnap him and send him through rehadb.

And if the dog can't,not with a shotgun.Better to put him down.He's had a rough enough life as it is.Let his death be decent at least.

All else is fine with me.

[Kolbatsu]

@tenfed1861 alright I'll spare the the dog's life. Bella's life's dog is kind of cute.

[SAOrules]

"Is she supposed to look sexy or like she's wearing a rabit's dentures?"

[Kolbatsu]

@SAOrules I say, she's trying to look constipated and like she's wearing rabbit's dentures 

[LOTR4ever1]

"Come liven our conversation with your bubbly personality." I said the exact same thing when I first saw this movie! Jajajaja!

[DarkKrystal]

Kristin Stewart is pretty, but her acting is terrible.

That being said, Twilight is probably one of the best comedies ever filmed.

But I DID spend most of the movie going, "...Does Kristin have Parkinson's?"

[OkitaAoyagi]

@ganon916

LOL my favourite quote!

[Mauropus]

People keep telling me I can't judge something until I've experienced it. I've tried watching the movies and reading the books but there is always something that offends me so much that I just rage-quit before long.

[Hexed4Life]

I would rather literally take a kick to the nuts than have to sit and watch these piece of shit movies. Atleast with the Rifftrax guys they're entertaining. The Twilight movies suck, The author of the books sucks for having incouraged this cinimatic abortion, and the fans and parents of the fans of these pieces of shit SUCK for having fueled this epicenter of pandering garbage. Eat me Twilight and ALL who enjoy Twilight.

[ronvins]

Did anyone else notice that when she said "No, no, my hand is burning." That the subtitle said, "head"?

[sugreev2001]

Twilight is probably the first movie to annoy me even with MIke and the rest of the Rifftrax team's commentary,and I include MST3k episodes as well.

[Adamgontierfan19]

She makes Sylvia Plath seem like Cyndi Lauper

That just might be one of Kevins best riffs

[tjduck85]

"It doesn't make sense for you to love me..." Mike: The Twilight Series summed up in nine words.

[tennisplayer73192]

"Things are..." "m-m-made of a-atoms."

[Fospherous]

"Drowning... the only way she could get more pale and sad..."

[thesmokymirror]

"She loves him based on him not killing her. That's healthy"

[aptspire]

7:10 Zombies are the unnameable :D

[creekstar7]

7:25 "Okay, she's outta here first thing tomorrow."

7:29 "That's it. I sold you to another franchise. It's Hogwarts for you, kid."

XD XD XD

[kyubiiofrage]

@creekstar7 I dunno, you think Hogwarts would take her?

Then again, the managed to take Edward and turn him into an actual character that has emotions and we cared about...before killing him. Actually, can we just skip toi that last part with Bella?

[EnchantressOfTheNite]

These guys sum up these movies perfectly! Kudos!

[OmegaII]

Wes, are going to wait for Breaking Dawn 2 Rifftrax to make a sequel to this?

[AnkokuEvangeline]

It's hard to pick a favourite from so many GEMS, but I think for me it was "Line?"

Followed by "Things are m-made of a-atoms," "Complete sentence...? No!" "Nnh, eeh, angst and low level trembling, nnn... " "I do not know what is going ON." "But then again, I blink 90 times a minute, so..." Damn, so hard to pick. They did an awesome job.

[Snazz15]

ALL THE STAMMERING! I can't take it!

[NuGhost]

Kristin Stewart, a bad actress plays Bella Swan, an unlikable cipher. The role was meant for her.

[AlecRozsa]

Talk to your doctor and see if anti-bella swan behavior drugs are right for you. Side effects may include improved social life, increased awareness of reality, better appreciation for well written literature, improved sexual function, normalized blinking rate, and ability to abstain from falling in love with ravenous hell beasts. oh yeah and don't forget better sentence forming ability and less STAMMERING AND TWITCHING AND PAUSING

[Shogunelite]

@AlecRozsa You sir, get a gold medal.

[AlecRozsa]

Talk to your doctor and see if anti-bella swan behavior drugs are right for you. Side effects may include improved social life, increased awareness of reality, better appreciation for well written literature, improved sexual function, normalized blinking rate, and ability to abstain from falling in love with ravenous hell beasts.

[VegetableAgony2]

Lady Unobomber

[Verto9999]

Happy birthday - excellent

[monsterinyourpocket]

They're all so pale, they must be ill or something. Why Are They So Pale?!!!!

[banananer16]

things are-

m-made of atoms.

yes, rifftrax is certainly able to take advantage of the giant frickin pause!

[pirategalmakeup]

This is a masterpiece.... Just a masterpiece. God this is amazing. JUST AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 Stars. Thumbs up. Favorite!.... Freaking fantastic

[arbknight12]

Normally I'm totally 110% AGAINST book and movie burnings. But I think I can make an exception for this pile of complete shit.

[toastgirl87]

"The Twilight series summed up in nine words" LMAO

[DemiFiend06]

line? line? line? line?

lmao!!

[loisen]

OMG. You have to do that with Eclipse. It sounds so amazing!!

[keen14you]

The riffs about the giant pauses make me think of "Touch of Satan"...

[PerfectKirby]

@keen14you

I'm about...90-95% convinced that the director of Twilight got their inspiration from The Touch of Satan.

[keen14you]

@PerfectKirby This... is where... the fish lives...

[PerfectKirby]

@keen14you

Stop...it...

[bluedahlia409]

@PerfectKirby such an excellent film!

[JaymzLea]

So that's how many now?

Rifftrax - 5 / Loathed Film Characters - 0

Something like that?