I went through something very similar I think its natural to go to the other extreme, then settle into the real you. I would love for some girls that grew up girls through there teens and see if the same thing happened to them over there teen years. We are going through a second pubraty and it takes time to adjust. not to mention if you were anything like me you go really good at hiding the real you and just pretending to be what others wanted to see, the took me a while to get over.
You had to, i call it second puberty. it´s somehow disturbing, but neccesary, i guess. some never leave it, bios most^^. I have that ahead of me... my friends will hate it, but understand. i fence fullcontact, just to mention. Na, im not very musculous, or maskulin, from beginning. Not a feminin hobby? pffft, watch me...than judge. thought me dancing, capoeira (works well with a kanzashi) makes neat hipps, btw.
As far as passing goes and being yourself, I think that sort of depends. I do know some girls who are much more androgynous and it causes them to not pass so readily, but they're being themselves and that's the most important thing.
But more than that, I think that the girls that act far more girly than they naturally are have a harder time passing sometimes. The unnaturalness of how they present themselves can be a red flag.
Whereas you might see the tomboy transgirl and go, is that a girl or boy, if you see a transgirl acting all girly-girly beyond it being natural, I think you go right to, that's a tranny.
And some transgirls are totally girly-girls, and that's fine, if it's really them.
My point might might be subjective and too general, but it's an observation I've made.
Except you fail to account for intersexed conditions or fetal development evidence. Do you have a karotype on me? What you are stating is not supported by scientific or clinical data, while transgenderism is. Please feel free to educate yourself on a subject before making yourself look like a ass. BTW species (alien) does not equal race. Also equating intelligence to a political position is pretty comical.
@karmatic1110 I'm really glad you said this. I'm taking a class on sex and gender right now, and a lot of people fail to realized that the dyadic (only 2 sexes) way of organization is not natural. Natural is purely persepective. If intersex or transsexual people weren't natural they wouldn't occur in nature. You are very brave to be so open about your experience, and I hope that the unnecessary hatred stops.
I don't understand TG issues, having been born male and contented. You don't strike me as unhappy. You seem "real". Also ... I'll admit it, you look GOOD. But did you take NLP to win friends and influence people or are you just acting natural?
PS some bible scholars say there was never a gender-bias to God, it was always a neutral term that got corrupted.
Good for you I think it's a good message. I'm a genderqueer and decided a couple of years ago to just be myself. I'm about 70% male and 30% female energy and I'm proud of both.
just being yourself is the best way to go. follow your heart. People can be heartless some times i know. i am all female inside, but i am all male outside. i don't have the looks to become female and thats cool with me. every one is going thru a transition thats part of life. just be happy for who you are =)
Nevermind again,I saw another video pertaining to your beliefs and I AGREE COMPLETELY! I believe that no matter what, everyone will be okay, don't believe someone has the authority or power to tell someone they are wrong and will burn in hell. Believe it or not, I too receive hate filled comments regarding my faith and do not understand! You actually get it more than these professors exclaiming to know it all, have you created any videos that regard your view of the afterlife or supreme being?
The problem I have is that many professors of religion always state that being gay or chosing a lifestyle opposite of what is within the Bible is a choice and can be cured. I believe this opinion is EXTREMELY closed-minded because I cannot imagine anyone chosing to be different and criticized for their choices....even though I consider myself Christian...I still believe it is something that is innate and would be extremely difficult to cure or change. What are your views of God? Does He exist?
I need to respond to your statement that you believe it is innate ( the choice of lifestyle) and extremely difficult to cure.
Innate, yes, a choice?, No. a cure? From therapy, hormones and grs etc. science has found a cure that brings the body into sync with the brains gender identity, thank God for that Huh!
I hate purses.. I'm not butch I protect my friends from emotional or physical hurt to the best of my ability.. I don't try to dominate any of them .. I don't mind wearing dresses but heels kinda weird me out..always been more comfortable in non dresses but very elegant attire like silky pants and a nice almost blouse like shirt.. I have no animal fears.. except for rodents but only because one(hamster)bit my nail bed and hung on and caused a blood sprinkler so I don't trust them as much.
I also think the idea of acting like a stereotypical female can be related to sexist ideas of women-- just like you said, most women don't act like that! Because talking like a valleygirl and being obsessed with pink is not what it means to be female, not what it means to be a woman!
Incidentally, I have a question: have you ever done a video about what being female/being a woman means for you? How do you define womanhood? Where is gender located for you? in the body? mind? soul?
I was the same way.. when I first came out, I was uber masculine and tried to walk really masculine and "cool" but then I realized that wasn't me. I was completely turning myself into a stereotype but now I'm myself even though I am not uber masculine and don't pass most of the time. I figured out that I don't care if I do because I am being myself, and once I am able to transition, I'll pass and still be myself.
karmatic1110 really loved the simplicity of this vid. I do think it is important for everyone to find themselves and find their own way of expressing themselves. I would guess you have found your comfort zone, your place in the world as you. Just thinking that all can learn from a little normalcy. Honestly Stereotypes are well just a perception of a false belief. Cherish your self as all should. Be real always. it works better, feels better and is a whole lot simpler to do.
cheers :-) xoxo - you have to be true to "yourself" which is funny because the only thing that is constant is change - so with a vow to just love and be true then you're always just fine with whatever happens... also just wanted to say that the dimple in your left cheek is really cute! look forward to the next video!
Kuz is your comment by ane means serious? She just says be your self and not a sterotype.. one should not be forced to act like a sterotype.but should be able to act like how they wish as long as they are happy if one is sterotypical they should be just natural...be who ever you are.
I so understand that!! i did the same thing!! but now i can careless about my voice and whatever.. im ME! and thats all i wanna BE!! im a transgender grrl!! and i love me!
You know, people, here's a case of a disagreement that got completely out of control and so here is my public apology for being a part of the mess. The basic message, that everyone should be themselves, remains sound and one that everyone should follow.
Ok,I just saw the "Sex in the City" movie last night (I was forced). Are these ladies "stereotypes" or "archetypes"? I get physically ill at the "OMG Louis Vittan, or Manolo Balanik", but apparently millions of women do like this stuff. So with our trans sisters shouldn't we allow for the the full range of expression? I know what you're saying Charl' "don't do it for th wrong reason" but do any of us know WHY we actually do things? Whether we think we're s'posed or want to what's the diff?
What Charlotte is saying is that people should not pretend to be sterotype they should be and act how they wish and be who they are personaly. If someone is like the sterotype then fine let them be that way if that makes them happy but no should ever feel force to be a certain way or a certain if they feel that sterotypes is not them. That is how simple it is. Today many feel that they have to be a sterotype to ''be normal'' and that is not good.
I understand what Charl' is saying but she's saying it from the point of having been through it. My point is that others may need to go through it as well and that we should be tolerant just as we were with Charl'. In reality, a lot of human behavior is based in stereotype and many have to "fake it to make it" as part of their transition. Once again you have no idea when you see a "stereotype" if they are "frontin'" or being themselves. So give them the benefit of the doubt. Just, sayin'.
OK, then help me understand. 1). You say "don't be a stereotype" event though you, yourself were once. 2). I'm saying be a stereotype if that's what gets you through (just don't live there). 3). For the rest of us, I ask for patience while the "stereotype" is working their way through it understanding that it's a phase that some have to go through.
I'm just asking for a little tolerance for the less "enlightened" as they continue their journey of transition.
1) Can someone be a recovering drug addict and then tell people not to do drugs? If you approach transition as simply being yourself and adjusting based on what your comfortable with, then you would never BE a stereotype.
2) The end result is what I am referring to here.
The notion of "just relax-be yourself" can be hard for transitioners since they don't always know who they are. They're still injected with a large dose of their original socialization much of which is on an unconscious level. Perhaps transition forces one to be mindful and, in some ways, critical about many aspects of personhood non-transitioners don't have to think about too much. I don't want to put-down femme, rather tell people, have/get some taste and act your age not your shoe size.
Your message about living in authenticity should be extended to all people: gay, straight, transgendered, men and women. We'd all be much more at peace with ourselves and definately a lot happier.
Thank you for the wonderful message and for having the courage to say it.
Yeah I was kind of the same way except the other way around. Not really what I bought but how I acted.. super tough. Then I got on testosterone and chilled out, and now everything's been pretty lax.
i have a question: do you think that if society didn't judge ppl according to their biological sex, people would still decide to have a sex operation? i mean i understand that sb wants to have a sex op becaus they want to match their bodies and their minds, right? but isn't it because some mental/physical features are considered female/male by SOCIETY? so if if they were deconstructed, would ppl still decide on a sex op? just curious
I have a group of friends that are helping me to be myself and be comfortable within myself. Because of them, I no longer feel the need to get an operation.. and society can fuck off, I've got my friends that are complete awesome. :D
@isingsin: gender theory does not trump the lived experiences of trans people. while much of gender is socially constructed, the notion that trans people transition because it's too hard to be feminine men/masculine women is flawed on all levels. some of us were *never* adult men/women. there are femme gay trans men and butch lesbian trans women. not all trans people have genital surgeries. society plays a part in shaming us about our bodies and influences our decisions, but not completely.
hi, thx for responding. I understand your reasoning, I still have some questions though: I see it that way: people transition because they want to be perceived/treated by society as the gender they personally identify with, regardless of their bilogical sex, right? i've been thinking about it, because i'm very much against the western dichotomy system and distinction between sexes. I just see trans ppl as once again repeating the pattern of favouring one sex over the other.
Isingsin it is not about favouring it is just about what you identify as . I have not favoured female I just feel that I am a female just as simple that and with that I cannot identify this body I have at the moment it does not feel like it is my body and it feels wrong and that causes a deep set of pain that one should be happy not to have witness even if all society was 100 % equal and etc I would still not be able to live in this stranger of a body. It is hard to explain in a text comment.
But I very well understand that in today's society you HAVE to be one or the other. That's why I hate what's going on nowadays. I very much respect the needs of trans ppl, I just don't like the sex distinction and the signifiers that come along with being either. I'm not trying to offend anyone. I'm just wondering.
@isingsin: youtube keeps flaking and did not post the second part of what I was saying.
to answer your question more personally, yes i would still seek hormone replacement and vaginoplasty in a world without coercive gender. and anyway, not all trans people identity as one or the other.
i'm going to send you a private message with some reading suggestions on these topics.
Part 2: And that is just a small part it is way more complex. How ever also do not think that this is political thing or that people just transition for some cultural winning and that is not the case. For an example do not think that FTM transition just to get higher status for an example. Also in nations like Iran where one would gain nothing from transitioning from MTF because women have no rights in Iran you still find people who transition from MTF
Part 3: Because the pain of gender dysphora is just to big so they are ready to trough away all the rights just to be true to how they feel about themsleves. I could forever abou this in pure detail in every part of life but that would take forever. But you should that it is purely society that makes people transistion of course people might od it function better in society of being happier as themselves.
For more direct good info about transsexualism watch karmatic1110 specif videos about it.
hey, i've already read some more on this topic, and am still learning:) i'm all for expressing who your are. i didn't mean to offend anyone. if i did I'm sorry. i'm a feminist and have problems with a category of gender in general - but as a friend pointed out, gender means different things to different ppl
Yes and gender as a word can be put in many dimensions. How ever the primary large dimension that is of inportance here is gender identity in a nutshell it is what do you identify as :) What makes me get a little anoyed tough is that I got a smal feeling that you think that transsexualism is a chooice or a social political thing and that is grave missunderstanding of the issue. I just identify as female do I win anything on that? No , Am I ''odinary female'' no I am just me Jasmine.
i absolutely do not think transsexualism is a choice, just like my bisexualism is not a choice either. I personally dont identify with either gender, and i had been just wondering if ppl would still transition if there was no such thing as treating women as women and men as men by society, if you get what i'm saying. but a friend sent me a few links and I read more on this topic and i get that you do identify as a woman just as i dont identify with either gender. so i respect you very much:))
Part 2: I still consider that you watch a series that karmatic1110 since you are watching her videos or at least started watching her channel one of her best videos with a vdery short explaination of what transsexualism is /watch?v=3JolUuvqAHQ&feature=channel_page also I do not know why some feminists ( I am feminist in many ways) feel that transsexualism is an enemy of the cause for more equality .
well radical feminists want to deconstruct the category of gender itself and feel that by transitioning from one gender to the other trans people are once again asserting that these categories do in fact exist. i might have thought like this too, for a while, but i am changing my mind. transsexual people are very diverse
Well the thing when it comes to social gender roles and so can be debated for ever even within the trans community it can be alot talk about these kind of issues certain social roles. But gender identity/core how ever as far as all I see and many other is not constructed. Also when I hear the radical female feminist talk I sort of hear that they clearly often as proud females but dislike many of the social roles that women have but when I ask them about there identity they say female.
Part2 on radical feminists: So as I said very often I just hear people women are very proud who hates many of the roles for female but identify very often it seems from my experience as females. And to your second thing. Yes there are great divirsity in trans community more so then people by far think :)
feminists themselves are very diverse so i'd say some identify as female, some as male and some as neither or any other possible identification:) i personally always identify just as a human - although people always seem to want me to be more "clear". I think it's great that ppl identify in many various ways. I just wish everyone was more accepting of everyone. I'm not sure when we will reach that stage to be frank.... let's hope soon Kisses:**
Yeah but I was talking about the female feminist radcials who can have problems with for an example transsexuals and from my experience often are very proud women but can hate many things or social roles. My main problems is if they wish to take away transsexualism then they most take away there own sense and pride of being female or else they are shooting themselves on the foot. Worse is that some of them see transsexual women as men who sort of ''attack'' women in a cultural and social sense
well i don't agree with them, then. if they are proud females who just hate artificial social roles then they should not look down on someone who feels is female too. and calling them men who attack women in social/cultural sense is just ridiculous. but it all just shows how messed up everything still is regarding these topics.... female just means so many different things for each person. i'll agree though we're totally eating up the comment section:))
Part 2: So there is allot of hypocrisy by many radical feminists. Anyway I think I will stop here because here are eating up comment section and slightly going of topic.
Wow, i agree with you so much, but thats a part of just growing up for everybody (straight, gay, trans, etc). However, I thing, when you transition you kind of have to "grow up" all over again (if alot faster) in some ways. Anyways great vid.
i agree with you , Now I want their knees, you mentioned about how you walked, and It sorta reminded me of myself; I seem like I'm in a rush, slumped shoulders arms barely moving looking all pissed off.
Just wanted to say great video and great message. Hopefully the transwomen/transmen and everybody else really, who feel pressured to be a certain way will see this :)
Also, on a slightly random-ish note, you mentioned about how you walked, and It sorta reminded me of myself; I seem like I'm in a rush, slumped shoulders arms barely moving looking all pissed off. That's when I'm with other folks. When I go for walks by myself. I find that my gait is more slowed, steady, and seems overall calmer. It's weird >>
Anyways nice update (as always). I found it to be thought provoking and informative ^_^
While you do have a point there, I do wonder this: What about people who come to find that they like to be more of a "girly girl" type? If they choose to do it because it best fits their personality, that'd make them not stereotypical right?
Yes; it's probably best if they explore other things before jumping right into the whole "OMG pink puppy cellphones!" and such type mindset, BUT in the end, if that's what they feel is best suited for them, that's all that matters :)
absolutly,trying to hard will kill ur ability 2 pass b4 u even start 2 transition. from a personal standpoint i went so far as 2 date a guy,which was horrible cause i like girls still,but i felt i needed that to make me more feminine. boy was that a fun time. anywho, great advice,good blog,ur cat looks like a sweetheart (:
Bravo!! I have thought long and hard re what your saying in your post. A sense of 'personal style' tends to have its gender variants - why jump ship from who you are when you can continue to embrace the goth or the skater or the prep in you, but do it from, as you put it, the other side of the 'gender coin'? I used to skate board, but always should have been a skate betty - and that is where i will transition to!
Er to ElectroCarrie: WHOA! What's wrong with being both a girl and a skater? I used to hate the betties cuz they wouldn't skate. Now I want their knees so I can skate again! Unless you don't really like skateboarding. *sigh*
And I also have to say it!!! You missed the point entirely!!! I made comments about being yourself - the whole point of this very good vlog posting. Yeah, I USED TO SKATE, but how I dress and the fact i used to skate is a loose relationship a best - the point, I will and do dress as the female version of the style culture I love - no 'faking it' - and that culture happens to be skate style, but I'm the betty I was meant to be. Geez-o, men!
Eeeep! You know they love you and know who their momma is when they come to you with that "BRRR?" mixture of purr/closed-mouth meow! As the stereotypes. I'm glad I mostly have them worked out of me now and that I'll just be settling into some mixture of tomboy or whatever- course for me it helps to've been a teen in the 80's hating white lion and cinderalla and loving Detente and Znowhite with their female vocalists.
Wonderful vlog, as usual. The apologies near the end weren't necessary: you drove a great point home and really validated how it's worked out for me so far--especially the part about "relaxing into who you are". I tried the super high "girly" voice, doing "the walk" and mannerisms; and then gave up, because it felt like yet another facade. I just stopped doing the old (male) facade and I now get great comments on my voice, walk, everything! Thanks for the validation and for just being you...
I guess youtube ate it. What I said was that I mostly agree, there's just 2 things:
A) I think it's important to keep in mind that trans women have historically been held to sexist standards of femininity by gatekeepers. Times are changing but I still feel lucky to be able to go to my therapist looking like the dykey girl I am and it not interfere with my transition.
B) OTOH, I feel like the _title_ of this buys into subversivism a bit - see the final chapter of Whipping Girl.
Also, I mean, cis women go through phases and processes also. Lots of femmes I've met used to be butch, etc. Your overall points are still very valid and I know that relaxing helped me a lot personally. I'm just wary of judging a rigidly feminine trans woman as "ew, fake" when she might be just going through the same process you and I did.
Wow, its amazing how many people didn't understand the message. Great video.
A shorthand I use when talking about this sort of thing is music: Say someone has newly come out transgendered in some way and then suddenly becomes a fan of say Britney Spears (just an example) because they feel they have to, whereas they used to be a fan of Lynard Skynard ( or anything else).
On hyper-femininty, I remember Grishno saying when she began to transition she went with the wig, lots of makeup, stuffed D-cup bra, etc to try to fit some ideal. Just because you have this disphoria (or whatever you want to call it) doesn't mean you know what it means to live your gender. You have to experience it, no? It seems lotsa trans-people start with a hyper reality then settle into something more workaday and manageable. (cont.)
It's overcompensation for years of feeling forced into a gender role that doesn't apply. I felt a little of that, but mostly now I feel just like how you described it, more like I can just relax and be myself, instead of pretending to be this bad-ass manly man walking around like I'm going to kick someone's ass (Yeah I used to do that too.. lol... and I'm not that big!)
Heeeeey now. I'm a super feminine pink flowery type, etc. :P Granted, I'm far from the stereotype. As I always say about people who perpetuate stereotypes:
This is why, so far, I have not made vids on a regular time and date because I feel that If I am going to say anything that anyone that might listen to it should at least be able to see what I am like most of the time even though I personaly look totaly hagard in 90% of what I do.
Thanks Karmatic. Personally I am the 'brainy' and tomboyish side of things. Why are us expected to act in a ultra exaggerated feminine way? I think there are many expressions of being feminine. I think we have to somehow let some of our personalities that were with us when we were guys come out when we transition as women. We have to find that balance so to speak in order to be ourselves.
I was just thinking about this today...about how you have to be your own person and not try to fulfill what society says, transitioning to the next phase of your...transition :P.
You definitely seem authentic, and I'm really glad to see a transgender stand out, not just because they are transgendered, but simply because you are you :)
And you're really pretty btw! And a definite inspiration.
I'm 55, starting transition, and am experiencing the same thing you went through. I believe those little girl desires for pink, or the teenage kitten thing, are phases American women as children and teens can go through. And for me, who never allowed myself my feminine self, it's a necessary step for some of us.
You're a psychological grown-up now. But I believe you NEEDED the age transition piece to be who you are now. You weren't fake; you were psychologically young. My opinion, of course.
I agree :) When I am around a group of teenagers I tend to revert a little because it allows me to experience an age range that I never got to have as a girl. I think it's only an issue when people act that way because they feel they have to despite mentally growing out of that stage. If that is them then I am all for it.
Yep, I get you! I think it's the great Lie of the American Woman, pushed by a Corporate Agenda for selling us conveniently predictable crap (Why spend money on research to find out what we want when they can TELL us what we want?) , and by Western Religion for keeping the patriarchal system in its place. And its victims include GGs as well as TGs.
Are there people out there who feel the oppsit sex but do not wish to transition or can't due to finacial reasons? :) The reason why I say this is because I'm a girl who feels like a guy and even though I would like to have my breasts off...I really don't want to go all the way and be physically male. Does anyone out there feel that way?
Totally agree with you Charlotte. I've actually been gravitating towards a more andro/genderqueer way of presenting, and it's sometimes difficult to maintain a balance between passing and being myself.
Great topic and video, Charlotte. I agree that no one should be a stereotype or just go from one gender-confining box to another. However, I believe that for most of us, going a little "too far" (too Valley Girl in some cases) is part of the process of figuring out who and where we should be. You went past your comfort zone, and wisely recognized that and pulled back to where you should be. I've seen folks transitioning in their 50's do the same thing. It's awkward teenage years again.
thanks. I think there is a period of "OMG" sort of teen like thinking early in transition and HRT. I wonder if it is real or a fabrication. Cool on the iPhone I have a touch that I do most of my Internet surfing on now.
Im really glad that your talking about this on your vlog because I have been struggling with how I should present myself and you just nailed it for me, BE MYSELF! Thank you.
Wow, you are totally awesome, and I love what you have to say here. Doing what feels right and being your own self is a universally meaningful thing to do, regardless of who you are or what your circumstance is. Good luck in your own pursuit of these things.
I totally agree with your Vlog. Being Fake doesn't get you anywhere and in the end just makes you unhappy. That's one of the reason I love your Vlog, you're always real and honest. BTW your cat is adorable, another reason for watching your Vlog
These very issues have been on my mind lately, and I've talked about it a bit in my videos and with my counselor, although I also learned more about it from hintgiver. This video had humor, but it really shines with truth. Being comfortable with and knowing yourself; that's like the meaning of life! Everything else falls into place. Love & Peace!
Reiteration, Repetition. Sometimes we need others to repeat things in a different way just so that we can remember those truths ever so long so distant.
lollies, yup was covered, Char said a bit before this that the role of stereotypes is important and different to the possible or probable the end result.
Tegen said it well too by saying "In reflection, she had unreal expectations" and she refernced how that was trapping her too.
The balance of experience and realism, doesn't have to go hand in hand 8P, so yeah, you are perfectly right.
Having had two younger sisters growing up, what you go through during transition sounds just like what any normal GG goes through during adolescence. You just do it faster because you're already an adult. The "OMG" talk, buying pink and flowery "everything", etc are all normal responses to the awakening of femininity as you try to figure out what kind of girl you will become. I had naturally femme attributes when I was young, so to me, transition is like a reawakening of everything I suppressed.
you are such a passionate person in EVERY video you Do! You are a Fantastic Person and everyone should see your work! You put a down to earth face on the transition world..this is from a straight female i think you do FANTASTIC with helping people understand the truth of Transgendered people. And the lifestyle taken. NEVER STOP MAKING YOUR VIDEOS THEY ARE GREAT FOR ANY ORIENTATION!!!! Much Love
The hardest part is really finding out who you are.
after being stuck in a stereotype for anywhere from 10 to 50 years or more, you really never get a chance to find out who you are.
Its easy to say people are being 'fake', but they might just be having difficulty adjusting or even finding out what works for them.
even though it may seem like a stereotype, you have to remember with the amount of stereotypes in the world logically there has to be a small amount of people who match them.
But we all fall under some form of stereotype whether we like it or not, its just the way people label others they don't know.
The pressure is strong, even for GG's to be the "ideal" woman (we can thank Hollywood for that =| ) and everyone just kind of buys into the hype of what is and what isn't womanly or feminine, and then once you add feminism to the equation all hell breaks loose... =|
Hey Chika, very good video im kind of thinking about this topic a lot cause im slowly getting there. i need to make sure i stay true to me and i worry about losing that.
This vid has given me a feeling of peace. I am, and have always, tried to explain how peoples transition is as personal as a fingerprint and the journey tends to get the upfront judgement, when in fact a snapshot in time does not make the person, just the event.
I have appeared to be many things TG, to the perception of others, but I can't be anything other than me or I get GID, still I am TS, NO, I am a chick! xo
I agree with you general premise but I would add a word of caution and patience. Just as you went through your "girlie" phase in your early transition and you find now you may not believe the same things you did then, please be patient with others who may be at different points in their transition. They may still be trying out their level of "girlieness" or playing with their walk before they discover themselves. I'm not saying you don't do this; it's just a word of caution for Karma.
I think there is a profound difference between experimenting to find oneself and just being an outright stereotype because you feel that it is what is expected of you.
Very fine entry...always good to see you and hear you (and Abbey.) Finding that middle ground in presentation is tough for me right now-because of all the new territory and sorting through what I want to be but repressed, and what I am regardless of gender. Transition, thy name is confusion. Plus, I'm not full time yet but moving in that direction steadily. How quickly did you go full time and did you get shit about your tom boy look- cause that's where I'm at right now.
This is a really good, and necessary message for trans people to hear! It doesn't make much sense for an MTF to jump from playing the male role to playing the female roll. For any new transitioners, just let the natural female side of your personality show itself, that works pretty well without having to invent a new "girl"persona that is no more you than the "guy" persona you used before transition.
it seems like sometimes we have to go to an extreme in order to find our center. It sometimes really shocks me the amount of gender policing that can go on in our own community.
This is a great message, and one I don't think people beginning to transition or thinking about transitioning hear enough. Not from friends, family, therapists, or anyone else.
It's always great to hear all your videos, whatever they are about. Personally, I find your videos about transitioning to be very helpful and inspirational in a lot of ways. But it's also nice to learn more about you and the random, normal things going on in your life, like moving.
wow this is a great topic and a great video. i completely agree. when i first started transitioning i felt this pressure to fit the role of the "stereotypical" male...walking all tough and broad shouldered, forcing myself to be into sports and beer...which just wasn't me! now as i'm coming more into myself...i realize i'm actually a somewhat feminine dude. don't feel it makes me less of a man but i'm getting better at just being myself! cheers!
Charlotte, thank you *so* much for this! I think I've been struggling with this very thing, and I think your perspective helps a lot. I think it's great advice--it *feels* like the truth, you know?-- so I'm going to take it to heart. :)
I like your insight about walking. Sometimes it amazes me how much I 'channel' stress into physical details like that. This sort of 'body armor' reaction where emotions get expressed in unconscious habits. For me, the more stress, the more need to do that macho 'porcupine,' leave-me-alone body posture (the shoulders up + stiff legged). Great video, thanks.
Sometimes we don't know where the line is until we cross over it. I try to cut slack for people who are still sorting things out. Maybe it's necessary to make mistakes to learn what's right for us & what isn't. I'm not crazy about stereotypes or cliches, but there are some people who actually ARE like that, so I try not to judge, regardless of what I think of their choices. Why should your vlog be just about transition? It should be about what's important to you. No? There's more to life...
I went through something very similar I think its natural to go to the other extreme, then settle into the real you. I would love for some girls that grew up girls through there teens and see if the same thing happened to them over there teen years. We are going through a second pubraty and it takes time to adjust. not to mention if you were anything like me you go really good at hiding the real you and just pretending to be what others wanted to see, the took me a while to get over.
fireflygirl246 2 years ago
Comment removed
wolfhalen 2 years ago
@wolfhalen Lady boys isn't the best term to use :)
karmatic1110 2 years ago
@karmatic1110 ok sorry
wolfhalen 2 years ago
I've made it a habit actually. It gives me immense pleasure to remotely manipulate your sense of self-worth through YouTube.
Kuzalias 2 years ago
no self, no problem :)
btw, I like your taste in music
wolfhalen 2 years ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
damn, i'm thinking you are hot
I have fapped to lady boys ( I hope that is not a pejorative term) before , really starting to question things
I guess we all start life kinda neutral.
wolfhalen 2 years ago
Well, I myself have fapped to clueless morons on teh intertubes. Wanna b freinds?
AldinTheMad 2 years ago
You had to, i call it second puberty. it´s somehow disturbing, but neccesary, i guess. some never leave it, bios most^^. I have that ahead of me... my friends will hate it, but understand. i fence fullcontact, just to mention. Na, im not very musculous, or maskulin, from beginning. Not a feminin hobby? pffft, watch me...than judge. thought me dancing, capoeira (works well with a kanzashi) makes neat hipps, btw.
TheMrFizz 2 years ago
As far as passing goes and being yourself, I think that sort of depends. I do know some girls who are much more androgynous and it causes them to not pass so readily, but they're being themselves and that's the most important thing.
But more than that, I think that the girls that act far more girly than they naturally are have a harder time passing sometimes. The unnaturalness of how they present themselves can be a red flag.
debutantebrawl 2 years ago 2
Whereas you might see the tomboy transgirl and go, is that a girl or boy, if you see a transgirl acting all girly-girly beyond it being natural, I think you go right to, that's a tranny.
And some transgirls are totally girly-girls, and that's fine, if it's really them.
My point might might be subjective and too general, but it's an observation I've made.
debutantebrawl 2 years ago
Basically, I love this video and what you're saying here. :)
debutantebrawl 2 years ago 2
U r a very beautiful women! but why is it in ur every video u talk about transition? why not something else
ccccdedu 2 years ago
I don't actually.
karmatic1110 2 years ago
U look really good here :)
bjarneboy 2 years ago
Except you fail to account for intersexed conditions or fetal development evidence. Do you have a karotype on me? What you are stating is not supported by scientific or clinical data, while transgenderism is. Please feel free to educate yourself on a subject before making yourself look like a ass. BTW species (alien) does not equal race. Also equating intelligence to a political position is pretty comical.
karmatic1110 2 years ago
@karmatic1110 I'm really glad you said this. I'm taking a class on sex and gender right now, and a lot of people fail to realized that the dyadic (only 2 sexes) way of organization is not natural. Natural is purely persepective. If intersex or transsexual people weren't natural they wouldn't occur in nature. You are very brave to be so open about your experience, and I hope that the unnecessary hatred stops.
defyingggravity 7 months ago
I don't understand TG issues, having been born male and contented. You don't strike me as unhappy. You seem "real". Also ... I'll admit it, you look GOOD. But did you take NLP to win friends and influence people or are you just acting natural?
PS some bible scholars say there was never a gender-bias to God, it was always a neutral term that got corrupted.
Grrraig 2 years ago
respect!!!
happydees1 2 years ago
you're a really brave person. it must be insanely difficult to transition but power to you.
youngoddme 2 years ago 3
Good for you I think it's a good message. I'm a genderqueer and decided a couple of years ago to just be myself. I'm about 70% male and 30% female energy and I'm proud of both.
gentlebutch 2 years ago
Thank you for being brave and giving me the confidence to confront my family+friends about my sexuality
munkycheeeeeez 2 years ago
YES I like you!
jeholornis 2 years ago
I LIKE YOU..IF not lov you!! I REALLY DO!!:))
jeholornis 2 years ago
YOU SHINNE..YES YOU SHINNE!! I can't LOVING YOU!!..OOPS yah i do!!
jeholornis 2 years ago
just being yourself is the best way to go. follow your heart. People can be heartless some times i know. i am all female inside, but i am all male outside. i don't have the looks to become female and thats cool with me. every one is going thru a transition thats part of life. just be happy for who you are =)
WallaceIdealist 2 years ago
Nevermind again,I saw another video pertaining to your beliefs and I AGREE COMPLETELY! I believe that no matter what, everyone will be okay, don't believe someone has the authority or power to tell someone they are wrong and will burn in hell. Believe it or not, I too receive hate filled comments regarding my faith and do not understand! You actually get it more than these professors exclaiming to know it all, have you created any videos that regard your view of the afterlife or supreme being?
JessicaLDS3165 2 years ago
The problem I have is that many professors of religion always state that being gay or chosing a lifestyle opposite of what is within the Bible is a choice and can be cured. I believe this opinion is EXTREMELY closed-minded because I cannot imagine anyone chosing to be different and criticized for their choices....even though I consider myself Christian...I still believe it is something that is innate and would be extremely difficult to cure or change. What are your views of God? Does He exist?
JessicaLDS3165 2 years ago
I need to respond to your statement that you believe it is innate ( the choice of lifestyle) and extremely difficult to cure.
Innate, yes, a choice?, No. a cure? From therapy, hormones and grs etc. science has found a cure that brings the body into sync with the brains gender identity, thank God for that Huh!
selenamrtnz 2 years ago
I hate purses.. I'm not butch I protect my friends from emotional or physical hurt to the best of my ability.. I don't try to dominate any of them .. I don't mind wearing dresses but heels kinda weird me out..always been more comfortable in non dresses but very elegant attire like silky pants and a nice almost blouse like shirt.. I have no animal fears.. except for rodents but only because one(hamster)bit my nail bed and hung on and caused a blood sprinkler so I don't trust them as much.
LionGoddess1 2 years ago
I also think the idea of acting like a stereotypical female can be related to sexist ideas of women-- just like you said, most women don't act like that! Because talking like a valleygirl and being obsessed with pink is not what it means to be female, not what it means to be a woman!
Incidentally, I have a question: have you ever done a video about what being female/being a woman means for you? How do you define womanhood? Where is gender located for you? in the body? mind? soul?
Beccanidge 2 years ago
I was the same way.. when I first came out, I was uber masculine and tried to walk really masculine and "cool" but then I realized that wasn't me. I was completely turning myself into a stereotype but now I'm myself even though I am not uber masculine and don't pass most of the time. I figured out that I don't care if I do because I am being myself, and once I am able to transition, I'll pass and still be myself.
Awesome video hun.
..and cute cat btw
wereTrevor 2 years ago
karmatic1110 really loved the simplicity of this vid. I do think it is important for everyone to find themselves and find their own way of expressing themselves. I would guess you have found your comfort zone, your place in the world as you. Just thinking that all can learn from a little normalcy. Honestly Stereotypes are well just a perception of a false belief. Cherish your self as all should. Be real always. it works better, feels better and is a whole lot simpler to do.
mishakailana 2 years ago
cheers :-) xoxo - you have to be true to "yourself" which is funny because the only thing that is constant is change - so with a vow to just love and be true then you're always just fine with whatever happens... also just wanted to say that the dimple in your left cheek is really cute! look forward to the next video!
elysiumarrowmint 2 years ago
You are the best! :-)
deedeecastots 2 years ago
Kuz is your comment by ane means serious? She just says be your self and not a sterotype.. one should not be forced to act like a sterotype.but should be able to act like how they wish as long as they are happy if one is sterotypical they should be just natural...be who ever you are.
All love
Eopyk 2 years ago
I so understand that!! i did the same thing!! but now i can careless about my voice and whatever.. im ME! and thats all i wanna BE!! im a transgender grrl!! and i love me!
=P
XLEAHHXGOREXWHOREX 2 years ago
You know, people, here's a case of a disagreement that got completely out of control and so here is my public apology for being a part of the mess. The basic message, that everyone should be themselves, remains sound and one that everyone should follow.
meldenphire 2 years ago
Ok,I just saw the "Sex in the City" movie last night (I was forced). Are these ladies "stereotypes" or "archetypes"? I get physically ill at the "OMG Louis Vittan, or Manolo Balanik", but apparently millions of women do like this stuff. So with our trans sisters shouldn't we allow for the the full range of expression? I know what you're saying Charl' "don't do it for th wrong reason" but do any of us know WHY we actually do things? Whether we think we're s'posed or want to what's the diff?
Dollfan 2 years ago
What Charlotte is saying is that people should not pretend to be sterotype they should be and act how they wish and be who they are personaly. If someone is like the sterotype then fine let them be that way if that makes them happy but no should ever feel force to be a certain way or a certain if they feel that sterotypes is not them. That is how simple it is. Today many feel that they have to be a sterotype to ''be normal'' and that is not good.
All love from me Jasmine
Eopyk 2 years ago
I understand what Charl' is saying but she's saying it from the point of having been through it. My point is that others may need to go through it as well and that we should be tolerant just as we were with Charl'. In reality, a lot of human behavior is based in stereotype and many have to "fake it to make it" as part of their transition. Once again you have no idea when you see a "stereotype" if they are "frontin'" or being themselves. So give them the benefit of the doubt. Just, sayin'.
Dollfan 2 years ago
You are making this way more complex than it needs to be.
karmatic1110 2 years ago
OK, then help me understand. 1). You say "don't be a stereotype" event though you, yourself were once. 2). I'm saying be a stereotype if that's what gets you through (just don't live there). 3). For the rest of us, I ask for patience while the "stereotype" is working their way through it understanding that it's a phase that some have to go through.
I'm just asking for a little tolerance for the less "enlightened" as they continue their journey of transition.
BTW, great dialogue topic.
Dollfan 2 years ago
1) Can someone be a recovering drug addict and then tell people not to do drugs? If you approach transition as simply being yourself and adjusting based on what your comfortable with, then you would never BE a stereotype.
2) The end result is what I am referring to here.
karmatic1110 2 years ago
I love when you smile!
wolfofthewhitemt 2 years ago
The notion of "just relax-be yourself" can be hard for transitioners since they don't always know who they are. They're still injected with a large dose of their original socialization much of which is on an unconscious level. Perhaps transition forces one to be mindful and, in some ways, critical about many aspects of personhood non-transitioners don't have to think about too much. I don't want to put-down femme, rather tell people, have/get some taste and act your age not your shoe size.
kabardinka1 2 years ago
Your message about living in authenticity should be extended to all people: gay, straight, transgendered, men and women. We'd all be much more at peace with ourselves and definately a lot happier.
Thank you for the wonderful message and for having the courage to say it.
1ntrepid1 2 years ago
Yeah I was kind of the same way except the other way around. Not really what I bought but how I acted.. super tough. Then I got on testosterone and chilled out, and now everything's been pretty lax.
MadeUnderground 2 years ago
Comment removed
sweeterthananything 2 years ago
just stumbled upon your channel. great vid btw:)
i have a question: do you think that if society didn't judge ppl according to their biological sex, people would still decide to have a sex operation? i mean i understand that sb wants to have a sex op becaus they want to match their bodies and their minds, right? but isn't it because some mental/physical features are considered female/male by SOCIETY? so if if they were deconstructed, would ppl still decide on a sex op? just curious
isingsin 2 years ago
I have a group of friends that are helping me to be myself and be comfortable within myself. Because of them, I no longer feel the need to get an operation.. and society can fuck off, I've got my friends that are complete awesome. :D
nandabun 2 years ago
Well that might depend on whether they are planning to walk around with no pants on.
Kuzalias 2 years ago
@isingsin: gender theory does not trump the lived experiences of trans people. while much of gender is socially constructed, the notion that trans people transition because it's too hard to be feminine men/masculine women is flawed on all levels. some of us were *never* adult men/women. there are femme gay trans men and butch lesbian trans women. not all trans people have genital surgeries. society plays a part in shaming us about our bodies and influences our decisions, but not completely.
sweeterthananything 2 years ago
hi, thx for responding. I understand your reasoning, I still have some questions though: I see it that way: people transition because they want to be perceived/treated by society as the gender they personally identify with, regardless of their bilogical sex, right? i've been thinking about it, because i'm very much against the western dichotomy system and distinction between sexes. I just see trans ppl as once again repeating the pattern of favouring one sex over the other.
isingsin 2 years ago
Isingsin it is not about favouring it is just about what you identify as . I have not favoured female I just feel that I am a female just as simple that and with that I cannot identify this body I have at the moment it does not feel like it is my body and it feels wrong and that causes a deep set of pain that one should be happy not to have witness even if all society was 100 % equal and etc I would still not be able to live in this stranger of a body. It is hard to explain in a text comment.
Eopyk 2 years ago
But I very well understand that in today's society you HAVE to be one or the other. That's why I hate what's going on nowadays. I very much respect the needs of trans ppl, I just don't like the sex distinction and the signifiers that come along with being either. I'm not trying to offend anyone. I'm just wondering.
isingsin 2 years ago
This has been flagged as spam show
@isingsin: youtube keeps flaking and did not post the second part of what I was saying.
to answer your question more personally, yes i would still seek hormone replacement and vaginoplasty in a world without coercive gender. and anyway, not all trans people identity as one or the other.
i'm going to send you a private message with some reading suggestions on these topics.
sweeterthananything 2 years ago
Well said sweeterthananything I could not have said it better myself.
All love from me Jasmine
Eopyk 2 years ago
Part 2: And that is just a small part it is way more complex. How ever also do not think that this is political thing or that people just transition for some cultural winning and that is not the case. For an example do not think that FTM transition just to get higher status for an example. Also in nations like Iran where one would gain nothing from transitioning from MTF because women have no rights in Iran you still find people who transition from MTF
Eopyk 2 years ago
Part 3: Because the pain of gender dysphora is just to big so they are ready to trough away all the rights just to be true to how they feel about themsleves. I could forever abou this in pure detail in every part of life but that would take forever. But you should that it is purely society that makes people transistion of course people might od it function better in society of being happier as themselves.
For more direct good info about transsexualism watch karmatic1110 specif videos about it.
Eopyk 2 years ago
might because of it function better in society because of being happier as themselves*
Eopyk 2 years ago
hey, i've already read some more on this topic, and am still learning:) i'm all for expressing who your are. i didn't mean to offend anyone. if i did I'm sorry. i'm a feminist and have problems with a category of gender in general - but as a friend pointed out, gender means different things to different ppl
isingsin 2 years ago
Yes and gender as a word can be put in many dimensions. How ever the primary large dimension that is of inportance here is gender identity in a nutshell it is what do you identify as :) What makes me get a little anoyed tough is that I got a smal feeling that you think that transsexualism is a chooice or a social political thing and that is grave missunderstanding of the issue. I just identify as female do I win anything on that? No , Am I ''odinary female'' no I am just me Jasmine.
All love
Eopyk 2 years ago
i absolutely do not think transsexualism is a choice, just like my bisexualism is not a choice either. I personally dont identify with either gender, and i had been just wondering if ppl would still transition if there was no such thing as treating women as women and men as men by society, if you get what i'm saying. but a friend sent me a few links and I read more on this topic and i get that you do identify as a woman just as i dont identify with either gender. so i respect you very much:))
isingsin 2 years ago
Oh I have not notice that you post this, Well then all to each :) What you identify is personal to you :)
All love from me Jasmine
Eopyk 2 years ago
I did not notice because I was responding to many at the same time when I posted part 2 then you hade already replied
Eopyk 2 years ago
Part 2: I still consider that you watch a series that karmatic1110 since you are watching her videos or at least started watching her channel one of her best videos with a vdery short explaination of what transsexualism is /watch?v=3JolUuvqAHQ&feature=channel_page also I do not know why some feminists ( I am feminist in many ways) feel that transsexualism is an enemy of the cause for more equality .
All love
Eopyk 2 years ago
well radical feminists want to deconstruct the category of gender itself and feel that by transitioning from one gender to the other trans people are once again asserting that these categories do in fact exist. i might have thought like this too, for a while, but i am changing my mind. transsexual people are very diverse
isingsin 2 years ago
Well the thing when it comes to social gender roles and so can be debated for ever even within the trans community it can be alot talk about these kind of issues certain social roles. But gender identity/core how ever as far as all I see and many other is not constructed. Also when I hear the radical female feminist talk I sort of hear that they clearly often as proud females but dislike many of the social roles that women have but when I ask them about there identity they say female.
Eopyk 2 years ago
Part2 on radical feminists: So as I said very often I just hear people women are very proud who hates many of the roles for female but identify very often it seems from my experience as females. And to your second thing. Yes there are great divirsity in trans community more so then people by far think :)
All love from me Jasmine
Eopyk 2 years ago
feminists themselves are very diverse so i'd say some identify as female, some as male and some as neither or any other possible identification:) i personally always identify just as a human - although people always seem to want me to be more "clear". I think it's great that ppl identify in many various ways. I just wish everyone was more accepting of everyone. I'm not sure when we will reach that stage to be frank.... let's hope soon Kisses:**
isingsin 2 years ago
Yeah but I was talking about the female feminist radcials who can have problems with for an example transsexuals and from my experience often are very proud women but can hate many things or social roles. My main problems is if they wish to take away transsexualism then they most take away there own sense and pride of being female or else they are shooting themselves on the foot. Worse is that some of them see transsexual women as men who sort of ''attack'' women in a cultural and social sense
Eopyk 2 years ago
well i don't agree with them, then. if they are proud females who just hate artificial social roles then they should not look down on someone who feels is female too. and calling them men who attack women in social/cultural sense is just ridiculous. but it all just shows how messed up everything still is regarding these topics.... female just means so many different things for each person. i'll agree though we're totally eating up the comment section:))
isingsin 2 years ago
Well there you see the hypocrisy. They do not have look on transsexuals just because they dislike some typical considerd feminen roles and stuff.
So I will stop commenting now hope my confusing replies to you have been of any form help for your questions.
All love see you some other time in another video.
Love
Eopyk 2 years ago
Part 2: So there is allot of hypocrisy by many radical feminists. Anyway I think I will stop here because here are eating up comment section and slightly going of topic.
All love
Eopyk 2 years ago
oh, and thanks for the links:) I will of course watch because i realize i still have to learn a lot
isingsin 2 years ago
Wow, i agree with you so much, but thats a part of just growing up for everybody (straight, gay, trans, etc). However, I thing, when you transition you kind of have to "grow up" all over again (if alot faster) in some ways. Anyways great vid.
BTW great dimples :)
northernnadine 2 years ago
hello charlotte,
i agree with you , Now I want their knees, you mentioned about how you walked, and It sorta reminded me of myself; I seem like I'm in a rush, slumped shoulders arms barely moving looking all pissed off.
boutroufin 2 years ago
Hola Charlotte,
Just wanted to say great video and great message. Hopefully the transwomen/transmen and everybody else really, who feel pressured to be a certain way will see this :)
*J3NIF3R*
sweetnsexyts 2 years ago
Also, on a slightly random-ish note, you mentioned about how you walked, and It sorta reminded me of myself; I seem like I'm in a rush, slumped shoulders arms barely moving looking all pissed off. That's when I'm with other folks. When I go for walks by myself. I find that my gait is more slowed, steady, and seems overall calmer. It's weird >>
Anyways nice update (as always). I found it to be thought provoking and informative ^_^
deej1011 2 years ago
While you do have a point there, I do wonder this: What about people who come to find that they like to be more of a "girly girl" type? If they choose to do it because it best fits their personality, that'd make them not stereotypical right?
Yes; it's probably best if they explore other things before jumping right into the whole "OMG pink puppy cellphones!" and such type mindset, BUT in the end, if that's what they feel is best suited for them, that's all that matters :)
deej1011 2 years ago
Sigh. This video has NOTHING to do with being girly...forget it.
karmatic1110 2 years ago
I knew that. I was using my example as an example only. Of course in retrospect I horribly mis-worded that and lost what little merit my point had...
*shrugs* My mistake then, sorry about the mix-up :/
deej1011 2 years ago
lol... how old are you ?
KingxBrooklyn 2 years ago
I am 29 and a lesbian :)
karmatic1110 2 years ago
wow u don't look that old.. next time u should say that you 22 or so .. to bad u lesbian . cause i really like what i see :)
KingxBrooklyn 2 years ago
you go girll.. you look so good.. you look so much better than my gf .. no lie.. wow .. i want you as my gf now lol
KingxBrooklyn 2 years ago
That's not very nice lol
karmatic1110 2 years ago
absolutly,trying to hard will kill ur ability 2 pass b4 u even start 2 transition. from a personal standpoint i went so far as 2 date a guy,which was horrible cause i like girls still,but i felt i needed that to make me more feminine. boy was that a fun time. anywho, great advice,good blog,ur cat looks like a sweetheart (:
punisherbrat 2 years ago
Bravo!! I have thought long and hard re what your saying in your post. A sense of 'personal style' tends to have its gender variants - why jump ship from who you are when you can continue to embrace the goth or the skater or the prep in you, but do it from, as you put it, the other side of the 'gender coin'? I used to skate board, but always should have been a skate betty - and that is where i will transition to!
ElectroCarrie 2 years ago
Er to ElectroCarrie: WHOA! What's wrong with being both a girl and a skater? I used to hate the betties cuz they wouldn't skate. Now I want their knees so I can skate again! Unless you don't really like skateboarding. *sigh*
InterjectingCow 2 years ago
And I also have to say it!!! You missed the point entirely!!! I made comments about being yourself - the whole point of this very good vlog posting. Yeah, I USED TO SKATE, but how I dress and the fact i used to skate is a loose relationship a best - the point, I will and do dress as the female version of the style culture I love - no 'faking it' - and that culture happens to be skate style, but I'm the betty I was meant to be. Geez-o, men!
ElectroCarrie 2 years ago
Eeeep! You know they love you and know who their momma is when they come to you with that "BRRR?" mixture of purr/closed-mouth meow! As the stereotypes. I'm glad I mostly have them worked out of me now and that I'll just be settling into some mixture of tomboy or whatever- course for me it helps to've been a teen in the 80's hating white lion and cinderalla and loving Detente and Znowhite with their female vocalists.
InterjectingCow 2 years ago
Not that I don't have any fem side, just wanting to have balance- per both yours and winterwinwin's intended context(s).
InterjectingCow 2 years ago
great !wish i would see you walking !!!!kisseeeeeeeees
tranxseeker1 2 years ago
Wonderful vlog, as usual. The apologies near the end weren't necessary: you drove a great point home and really validated how it's worked out for me so far--especially the part about "relaxing into who you are". I tried the super high "girly" voice, doing "the walk" and mannerisms; and then gave up, because it felt like yet another facade. I just stopped doing the old (male) facade and I now get great comments on my voice, walk, everything! Thanks for the validation and for just being you...
miki4midably 2 years ago
did you delete my comment? because I don't think it was disrespectful at all.
sweeterthananything 2 years ago
What comment?
karmatic1110 2 years ago
I guess youtube ate it. What I said was that I mostly agree, there's just 2 things:
A) I think it's important to keep in mind that trans women have historically been held to sexist standards of femininity by gatekeepers. Times are changing but I still feel lucky to be able to go to my therapist looking like the dykey girl I am and it not interfere with my transition.
B) OTOH, I feel like the _title_ of this buys into subversivism a bit - see the final chapter of Whipping Girl.
Best :)
sweeterthananything 2 years ago
Also, I mean, cis women go through phases and processes also. Lots of femmes I've met used to be butch, etc. Your overall points are still very valid and I know that relaxing helped me a lot personally. I'm just wary of judging a rigidly feminine trans woman as "ew, fake" when she might be just going through the same process you and I did.
sweeterthananything 2 years ago
D'oh, d'oh! That should have read "That was supposed to be "become"".
alphahawk1999 2 years ago
D'oh! That was supposed to "become".
alphahawk1999 2 years ago
Hi! Great video! I agree that it's important to avoid the stereotype as long as you're true to yourself. As Nietzsche said, "Beacome who you are."
I hope for the best for you. I'd rather you did'nt stop vlogging, but I do accept and respect your decision. Good luck and, sadly, good-bye.
alphahawk1999 2 years ago
Wow, its amazing how many people didn't understand the message. Great video.
A shorthand I use when talking about this sort of thing is music: Say someone has newly come out transgendered in some way and then suddenly becomes a fan of say Britney Spears (just an example) because they feel they have to, whereas they used to be a fan of Lynard Skynard ( or anything else).
thegrimmreeper 2 years ago
Ingore the ingorant who just wont get your rather simple message in this video... it is sad..
Eopyk 2 years ago
On hyper-femininty, I remember Grishno saying when she began to transition she went with the wig, lots of makeup, stuffed D-cup bra, etc to try to fit some ideal. Just because you have this disphoria (or whatever you want to call it) doesn't mean you know what it means to live your gender. You have to experience it, no? It seems lotsa trans-people start with a hyper reality then settle into something more workaday and manageable. (cont.)
FaceForRadio63 2 years ago
(part 2)
For example, a fair number of mtf's here on YT project a hypermasculine persona because that's how they think men are.
I had to go through a process when I came out. I thought I would be Super Gay Man! (tm). It took me a day to realize, meh, I'm just me.
FaceForRadio63 2 years ago
I love you,
And all your videos.
You're such an inspiration.
Your utterly amazing,
Don't stop making videos. =]
cybercunt 2 years ago
Great Vlog!! Its so true. Thats what I like about you most is your authenticity comes through.
spiritualgirl58 2 years ago
U go girl, im proud of u for being u!!!! Great advice
sexyprincesselexus 2 years ago
Excellent vlog. Transition is letting go and being who you are. Thanks!
notfarfromhome 2 years ago
Posted my reply video honey. :) /big hugs/
winterwinwin 2 years ago
You hit the nail right on the head here.
It's overcompensation for years of feeling forced into a gender role that doesn't apply. I felt a little of that, but mostly now I feel just like how you described it, more like I can just relax and be myself, instead of pretending to be this bad-ass manly man walking around like I'm going to kick someone's ass (Yeah I used to do that too.. lol... and I'm not that big!)
ErikaFTH 2 years ago
Heeeeey now. I'm a super feminine pink flowery type, etc. :P Granted, I'm far from the stereotype. As I always say about people who perpetuate stereotypes:
"Don't want the hate? Don't perpetuate."
winterwinwin 2 years ago
Did you dye your hair?
YukiDamon 2 years ago
This is why, so far, I have not made vids on a regular time and date because I feel that If I am going to say anything that anyone that might listen to it should at least be able to see what I am like most of the time even though I personaly look totaly hagard in 90% of what I do.
JoannaBri 2 years ago
You advice applies not just to trans people, but to everyone. BE YOURSELF!
Shadowmib 2 years ago
Too true! Good advice my dear ;-)
XXX
overtherainbow2009 2 years ago
Thanks Karmatic. Personally I am the 'brainy' and tomboyish side of things. Why are us expected to act in a ultra exaggerated feminine way? I think there are many expressions of being feminine. I think we have to somehow let some of our personalities that were with us when we were guys come out when we transition as women. We have to find that balance so to speak in order to be ourselves.
Desertangel1975 2 years ago
Good level headed advice... You continue to be a leader in keeping things real... Best Wishes,
FirehouseMike 2 years ago
Hell yeah you go girl!
I was just thinking about this today...about how you have to be your own person and not try to fulfill what society says, transitioning to the next phase of your...transition :P.
You definitely seem authentic, and I'm really glad to see a transgender stand out, not just because they are transgendered, but simply because you are you :)
And you're really pretty btw! And a definite inspiration.
Jeremybeach 2 years ago
I'm 55, starting transition, and am experiencing the same thing you went through. I believe those little girl desires for pink, or the teenage kitten thing, are phases American women as children and teens can go through. And for me, who never allowed myself my feminine self, it's a necessary step for some of us.
You're a psychological grown-up now. But I believe you NEEDED the age transition piece to be who you are now. You weren't fake; you were psychologically young. My opinion, of course.
BriarRoseTv 2 years ago
I agree :) When I am around a group of teenagers I tend to revert a little because it allows me to experience an age range that I never got to have as a girl. I think it's only an issue when people act that way because they feel they have to despite mentally growing out of that stage. If that is them then I am all for it.
karmatic1110 2 years ago
Yep, I get you! I think it's the great Lie of the American Woman, pushed by a Corporate Agenda for selling us conveniently predictable crap (Why spend money on research to find out what we want when they can TELL us what we want?) , and by Western Religion for keeping the patriarchal system in its place. And its victims include GGs as well as TGs.
OK, I'll shut up with the radical stuff now!
BriarRoseTv 2 years ago
Are there people out there who feel the oppsit sex but do not wish to transition or can't due to finacial reasons? :) The reason why I say this is because I'm a girl who feels like a guy and even though I would like to have my breasts off...I really don't want to go all the way and be physically male. Does anyone out there feel that way?
Ealasaid17 2 years ago
There are many variations of gender expression.
karmatic1110 2 years ago
yea there is...check out ftm vids
MaRMaRo8 2 years ago
Totally agree with you Charlotte. I've actually been gravitating towards a more andro/genderqueer way of presenting, and it's sometimes difficult to maintain a balance between passing and being myself.
blickblocks 2 years ago
I sometimes have that issue as well
karmatic1110 2 years ago
Great topic and video, Charlotte. I agree that no one should be a stereotype or just go from one gender-confining box to another. However, I believe that for most of us, going a little "too far" (too Valley Girl in some cases) is part of the process of figuring out who and where we should be. You went past your comfort zone, and wisely recognized that and pulled back to where you should be. I've seen folks transitioning in their 50's do the same thing. It's awkward teenage years again.
Cyntillation01 2 years ago
thanks. I think there is a period of "OMG" sort of teen like thinking early in transition and HRT. I wonder if it is real or a fabrication. Cool on the iPhone I have a touch that I do most of my Internet surfing on now.
NoNameTransWoman 2 years ago
Im really glad that your talking about this on your vlog because I have been struggling with how I should present myself and you just nailed it for me, BE MYSELF! Thank you.
Jaymie.
JsanNicholas 2 years ago
Thank you for your wisdom Charlotte.
;)
Jink5 2 years ago
Wow, you are totally awesome, and I love what you have to say here. Doing what feels right and being your own self is a universally meaningful thing to do, regardless of who you are or what your circumstance is. Good luck in your own pursuit of these things.
atotalblamblam1 2 years ago
I totally agree with your Vlog. Being Fake doesn't get you anywhere and in the end just makes you unhappy. That's one of the reason I love your Vlog, you're always real and honest. BTW your cat is adorable, another reason for watching your Vlog
1badmex 2 years ago
These very issues have been on my mind lately, and I've talked about it a bit in my videos and with my counselor, although I also learned more about it from hintgiver. This video had humor, but it really shines with truth. Being comfortable with and knowing yourself; that's like the meaning of life! Everything else falls into place. Love & Peace!
Forlorn79 2 years ago
Reiteration, Repetition. Sometimes we need others to repeat things in a different way just so that we can remember those truths ever so long so distant.
wolfyPX 2 years ago
I love your vids!
BananaXing 2 years ago
lollies, yup was covered, Char said a bit before this that the role of stereotypes is important and different to the possible or probable the end result.
Tegen said it well too by saying "In reflection, she had unreal expectations" and she refernced how that was trapping her too.
The balance of experience and realism, doesn't have to go hand in hand 8P, so yeah, you are perfectly right.
xox
PurplenovaX 2 years ago
i love ur videos =) and ur cat is so cute! i love my iphone too, but i hate that u cant picture text! that sucks.. =P
cmetatud 2 years ago
Having had two younger sisters growing up, what you go through during transition sounds just like what any normal GG goes through during adolescence. You just do it faster because you're already an adult. The "OMG" talk, buying pink and flowery "everything", etc are all normal responses to the awakening of femininity as you try to figure out what kind of girl you will become. I had naturally femme attributes when I was young, so to me, transition is like a reawakening of everything I suppressed.
Erica2Lives 2 years ago
you are such a passionate person in EVERY video you Do! You are a Fantastic Person and everyone should see your work! You put a down to earth face on the transition world..this is from a straight female i think you do FANTASTIC with helping people understand the truth of Transgendered people. And the lifestyle taken. NEVER STOP MAKING YOUR VIDEOS THEY ARE GREAT FOR ANY ORIENTATION!!!! Much Love
Kayla
iwasvintage 2 years ago
I want the cake in your myspace picture. Just sayin :P
karmatic1110 2 years ago
It's a lie!
AldinTheMad 2 years ago
Lying about cake is crossing the line.
karmatic1110 2 years ago
my myspace? HA did you add me! and YES it was DELICIOUS (=..you rock.
iwasvintage 2 years ago
You said box.
Nuyeame 2 years ago
Well spoken! The only person's expectations that need to be met are those of ONESELF.
JulieADriver 2 years ago
I like u..You are cool in my book
Midnightryder7 2 years ago
The hardest part is really finding out who you are.
after being stuck in a stereotype for anywhere from 10 to 50 years or more, you really never get a chance to find out who you are.
Its easy to say people are being 'fake', but they might just be having difficulty adjusting or even finding out what works for them.
even though it may seem like a stereotype, you have to remember with the amount of stereotypes in the world logically there has to be a small amount of people who match them.
universalJok3r 2 years ago
Right but I think I made it pretty clear that if your girly or whatever it is fine as long as your not doing it because you feel pressured to do so.
karmatic1110 2 years ago
Yeah, I agree with you on that.
But we all fall under some form of stereotype whether we like it or not, its just the way people label others they don't know.
The pressure is strong, even for GG's to be the "ideal" woman (we can thank Hollywood for that =| ) and everyone just kind of buys into the hype of what is and what isn't womanly or feminine, and then once you add feminism to the equation all hell breaks loose... =|
universalJok3r 2 years ago
Hey Chika, very good video im kind of thinking about this topic a lot cause im slowly getting there. i need to make sure i stay true to me and i worry about losing that.
mexlep101 2 years ago
Charlotte.......8) xoxox
This is what I mean, You are so "Reowvashing".
This vid has given me a feeling of peace. I am, and have always, tried to explain how peoples transition is as personal as a fingerprint and the journey tends to get the upfront judgement, when in fact a snapshot in time does not make the person, just the event.
I have appeared to be many things TG, to the perception of others, but I can't be anything other than me or I get GID, still I am TS, NO, I am a chick! xo
PurplenovaX 2 years ago
I agree with you general premise but I would add a word of caution and patience. Just as you went through your "girlie" phase in your early transition and you find now you may not believe the same things you did then, please be patient with others who may be at different points in their transition. They may still be trying out their level of "girlieness" or playing with their walk before they discover themselves. I'm not saying you don't do this; it's just a word of caution for Karma.
Dollfan 2 years ago
I think there is a profound difference between experimenting to find oneself and just being an outright stereotype because you feel that it is what is expected of you.
karmatic1110 2 years ago
thank you for this, i really needed it today. :) *hugs*
Kellycampbell09 2 years ago
Very fine entry...always good to see you and hear you (and Abbey.) Finding that middle ground in presentation is tough for me right now-because of all the new territory and sorting through what I want to be but repressed, and what I am regardless of gender. Transition, thy name is confusion. Plus, I'm not full time yet but moving in that direction steadily. How quickly did you go full time and did you get shit about your tom boy look- cause that's where I'm at right now.
ChevalierMalFete 2 years ago
This is a really good, and necessary message for trans people to hear! It doesn't make much sense for an MTF to jump from playing the male role to playing the female roll. For any new transitioners, just let the natural female side of your personality show itself, that works pretty well without having to invent a new "girl"persona that is no more you than the "guy" persona you used before transition.
amberb57 2 years ago 2
it seems like sometimes we have to go to an extreme in order to find our center. It sometimes really shocks me the amount of gender policing that can go on in our own community.
Jayhawke 2 years ago
This is a great message, and one I don't think people beginning to transition or thinking about transitioning hear enough. Not from friends, family, therapists, or anyone else.
It's always great to hear all your videos, whatever they are about. Personally, I find your videos about transitioning to be very helpful and inspirational in a lot of ways. But it's also nice to learn more about you and the random, normal things going on in your life, like moving.
someCallMeJen 2 years ago
wow this is a great topic and a great video. i completely agree. when i first started transitioning i felt this pressure to fit the role of the "stereotypical" male...walking all tough and broad shouldered, forcing myself to be into sports and beer...which just wasn't me! now as i'm coming more into myself...i realize i'm actually a somewhat feminine dude. don't feel it makes me less of a man but i'm getting better at just being myself! cheers!
lmhschck 2 years ago
Charlotte, thank you *so* much for this! I think I've been struggling with this very thing, and I think your perspective helps a lot. I think it's great advice--it *feels* like the truth, you know?-- so I'm going to take it to heart. :)
notjessica624 2 years ago
I like your insight about walking. Sometimes it amazes me how much I 'channel' stress into physical details like that. This sort of 'body armor' reaction where emotions get expressed in unconscious habits. For me, the more stress, the more need to do that macho 'porcupine,' leave-me-alone body posture (the shoulders up + stiff legged). Great video, thanks.
mosrite2 2 years ago
more abbey! el puss pusstofferson xx
kimtvireland 2 years ago
Sometimes we don't know where the line is until we cross over it. I try to cut slack for people who are still sorting things out. Maybe it's necessary to make mistakes to learn what's right for us & what isn't. I'm not crazy about stereotypes or cliches, but there are some people who actually ARE like that, so I try not to judge, regardless of what I think of their choices. Why should your vlog be just about transition? It should be about what's important to you. No? There's more to life...
amginena 2 years ago
Wonderfully said!
Paigehope 2 years ago