Tool - Maynard's Dick

[tomatojoe13]

8 people can't find the hidden song :D

[lemonmyst]

8 people can go suck maynards dick..

[xkhuongdox]

Coincidentally, this is one of Tool's shortest songs.

[ZJGallant]

@xkhuongdox GUFAW I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.

[glynhoyland]

Maynard is going to fuck you 10560 times

[toolenjoi]

*hey i have a 6'' peepee too ..YAY

[loccnut]

@toolenjoi wow! that's just unfortunate. i'm sure they have a cure for that now days.

[toolenjoi]

@loccnut how would you like to glide a mile six inches at a time on MY DICK? just a thought..

[toolenjoi]

hey a 6'' peepee too ..YAY

[stonecreedrocks69]

can i borrow a napkin, there's a red smudge on the like bar...

[TheNineinchsnails]

I kinda wanna make "slide a mile 6 inches at a time" my senior quote

[elitesmile63]

im shitting in my pants u guys want some its fresh hot and,well shitty

[brainboob]

This song seems more like a puscifer track than a tool song.

[blakhawk2265]

A bit awkward when You're asked what youre listening to. :/

[Radnoz]

@blakhawk2265 True Story.

[musstakrakish]

God I love TOOL!!!!! XD

[TheTransexualTaco]

Toolshed get it

[squidbeefedit]

What a modest artist. He could've wrote 8" at a time

[RedPyramidHead918]

Praise Jesus!

[GuitarGod981]

favorite song by tool. this is my favorite band. they

have inspired me in so many ways.

[MissEerie1]

Math is way more interesting with cock involved

[AwesomeSauceLimited]

@MissEerie1 Im trying to think of a way of incorporating pussy into my math lessons now...

[LGee89]

Where can i download this song?

[FamVIDS2012]

Tool first started out as a comedy band, then they got more serious once people started to like them...

[Cassielou83]

@bootheguru

My thoughts of this song are about Maynard's dick.

[bootheguru]

My thoughts of this song is, first of all, this song has been around for a long time, they didnt just record it for salival. Ever try playing it? Its pretty easy... The lyrics are non sense. I believe this is actually Tool's first song as a band. They recorded this one awhile ago according to toolshed.down.net, but it only surfaced via Salival. I think they were just experimenting and getting familiar with each other.

[Aulomus]

So is this a joke making fun of rock that anyone can write? :P

[inoscopedvt]

so... sliding a mile six inches at a time on maynards dick means 10,560 thrusts. each thrust should average out to1 second each. that means 176 minutes, which translates into almost three hours straight of sex with maynard. good luck @AVelvetRevolution

[DJBeSSeR]

hmm

[Haloman777]

the chords are the same as Man in the Box

[MicahandFriends]

2:54 EPIC SCREAM!!!!

[chammable]

Take you out back of the tool shed

put it right on top or your forehead

take you out back of the tool shed

let you know what you're fuckin with

maynard's dick!!

[Melieb90]

@ladyexo wow that was fucking funny.

[Melieb90]

@AvelvetRevolution you think we could share?:)

[AVelvetRevolution]

@Melieb90

sure

[catinarenee]

I would slide more than a mile...... mmmmm

[LadyeXo]

This song reminds me of a good fuck. The one where you almost die near the end, but your orgasm brings you back.

[laudiumWP]

@LadyeXo And what you wrote reminds me of shooting some really good heroin. ;)

[Haloman777]

@LadyeXo wow that was really hot

[LadyeXo]

@Haloman777 Now you understand how I feel about the song :D

[1y9b9b]

@LadyeXo

nice !

[Ommushwo]

doesn't the guitar riff kind of remind you of greenday's boulevard of broken dreams, released 4 years later?

i guess "maynard's dick" is too explicit for the radio. then again the radio doesn't really broadcast music.

[Nettacki]

@Ommushwo That riff contains the four chords of pop that appear in many songs, not just in this one and Boulevard.

[sytemofadownwinna]

this songs about the california state prisons and politicians they can slide on his dick he dont give a shit

[the1upist]

waffles

[agustinkpo97]

which album is this song ???

[VesterDude]

@agustinkpo97 On Salival, as a hidden track at the end of LAMC.

[jessebatt6666]

@EricSchwin22 what about tenacious d?? but tool is awsome and i just saw them live the other day and that was amazing

[MacMan282]

@jessebatt6666 you bastard... without me? haha, i want to see TOOL so bad, but they never come to my tiny city.

[WriterMan79]

@MacMan282 And the worst part is, when tickets go on sale for a show, they're sold out in five minutes.

[MacMan282]

@WriterMan79 yea... which is why you need to jump a fence or something... if they come here there's no way i'm not seeing them.

[kiriranxielo]

listas.20minutos.es/lista/mejo­­­res-discos-de-tool-257339/

listas.20minutos.es/lista/mejo­­­res-canciones-de-tool-257102­/

VOTE!



[EricSchwin22]

No other band I know has dissed themselves yet...Tool has, and they Rock!!!

[MyReturningNightmare]

Would you like to climb on

Climb on my six inches and go down on Maynard's dick

[DilutedWeenis]

HAHA! the sounds at the end! they are total geniuses! their lyrics are so simple and real that it just makes it awesome!

[Plutonican]

such a happy song : ))

[Plutonican]

* I

[Plutonican]

a huge reason why I love this song is because the riffage is sooooo cool =]

[Plutonican]

a huge reaso why I love this sog is because WMP is putting on repeat right nowz =]]]]] *weeeee*

[Plutonican]

a huge reason why I love this song is because of winegums

[marleyhund777]

Maynard's dick should be a type of dildo.

[jocelynlevy]

Only someone with an amazing voice can pull off singing about his dick LMFAO, Maynard you are amazing!

[Plutonican]

@jocelynlevy Mayard's a Duck

[Plutonican]

@jocelynlevy *Maynard

[Neon2314]

what the....

[Boomoutgothelights]

people need to hop off maynard's dick

[metal4lifeddie]

Who else but Maynard writes a song about their own penis?

[moosehose]

I'd sit on it.

[squmak]

those little green day fags stole Maynard's dick!

[THEWRESTLEMANIAC]

@squmak correction, those little green day fags SUCKED Maynard's dick!

[thepurplemann]

@squmak what green day song are you referring to?

[squmak]

@thepurplemann boulevard of stolen songs

[AbyssalDrums]

@squmak I'd steal Maynard's Dick so I could please the women :P

[YYYxEEE]

What every good tool fan likes sucking on.

[ToxicLabProductions]

Epic Win

[OSTOPPLAYINGWITHYOUR]

always loved this song. Tool proving we can also push out a song with 2 chorus's a little dipsy do after then the third and final chorus. JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. Then they shit on it at the end. i.e. U FORMAT ur Songs all the same. we can do it in our sleep. Definitly a statement of Rock today. No SKILL.

If you dont understand what i mean listen to Rosetta Stoned, that damn song should be put in a museum with a label "How music should be, played till it ends" not when 3:3O roles around.

[powerpwnage08]

@OSTOPPLAYINGWITHYOUR fuck u

[YYYxEEE]

@OSTOPPLAYINGWITHYOUR You always loved this song, because you always loved Maynard's Dick.

[Kindlebee92]

There goes Maynard, he has a FAT, FAT DICK!!!

[xBillyTheKidx]

@Kindlebee92 fuckin lol'd.

[birdface23]

YES

[Salmoncrusher]

great song. which is surprising, because like frollun2 said, it sounds nothing like tool. it just shows you that they're good enough to switch music genres and still make it sound great.

[forseti19881]

Fuckin´ shit my pants when i heard this first. You expect some serious lyrics and than he sings about his big dick. Fuckin hilarious perfect - the music is untypical for these guys, but sounds great. Maynards Diiiiiiick, hail this song.

[MasterInvesting]

best song...

[lindevolean]

This would be a fun song to sing in the morning to wake up your one night stand, then say "High Im Maynard :)" She'll either laugh histerically or slap you and leave XD

[AVelvetRevolution]

@chibblywubbly I want to be the lucky girl who gets the 10,560 thrusts from MJK. :D

[mintroyboy]

@AVelvetRevolution his wife wont like that much ;]

[ronnie66613]

@AVelvetRevolution Hey, I want that too! Do you think I can have him for a day too? ^^

[AVelvetRevolution]

@ronnie66613

sure.

[YamahaBandit439]

@AVelvetRevolution  lol

[bfmv927]

Wouldn't it be 5,280 thrusts because when he thrusts forward 6 inches, he also pulls back 6 inches?

[chibblywubbly]

@bfmv927 but pulling back is not a "thrust"...a thrust is a focused,sharp forward motion.

However,if you count withdrawing as part of the "sliding" motion he speaks of and it's fine if you prefer to,then yes it does throw off my calculations.

[gregotron2525]

@bfmv927 your math doesn't check out

[bfmv927]

@gregotron2525

How so?

[gregotron2525]

@bfmv927 If we're talking displacement, you haven't actually traveled anywhere ;)

[JakeLechuga]

@chibblywubbly  LOL!! good stuff indeed, friend :)

[krisgurl09]

@chibblywubbly lmao

[NightXemnas]

@chibblywubbly Haha you're a comedic genius XD

[gergenfonchen]

@chibblywubbly

You made my fucking week

[thegoonies1999]

@chibblywubbly Brilliant!

[ltftw]

@chibblywubbly Half that much actually, since 'sliding' also applies on the way out.

[pendulum8stringcover]

@chibblywubbly i think its funnier if you say--- climb a mountian take pictures of a town on maynards dick

[piercetopher1988]

@chibblywubbly well 1 mile = 63 360 inches so 63 350-6inch taking his "length" from the total mile since it would't start at zero or else there be nothing to slide opon entry , then divide 6inch into the total that gives you 10,559,then dive by 2 since he dosent specify in and out or in the case of cow girl up down which can be considred a postive or negitive thrust so to be exact 5279.5 either way blisters are forming and i would say their next album should be 5279 and .5

[LadyeXo]

@chibblywubbly I'm down.

[marketmogul]

@chibblywubbly I thought that too (I do such things as the math for this) but I came up with a different number. Only 5,280, because for every thrust there is a return that covers 6 inches also. So, one thrust is half a foot in, half a foot to get back to start a new thrust, thus one foot per thrust, and therefore 5,280.

[moosehose]

@chibblywubbly I wonder if those 10,560 thrusts would be consecutive, back to back? How long would that take? I suck at math. But the mere thought makes me want to pass out. Excuse me, I need a cold shower. Oh wait, those fart noises at the end kind of killed it for me.

[Omnilegence]

@chibblywubbly Just a quick thought. Calling a mile 5280 feet as you have done, multipling by 12 to convert into inches and then dividing by 6 to give the multiples of Maynard's 6 incher does indeed give 10560. However should we not then divide by two as a thrust requires you to go in and then out again? Making it 5280.

I know the song says "slide a mile 6 inches at a time" but I don't think he's implying 6 inches per thrust. Unless he's got 3 inches of feeble shame tucked betwixt his legs.

[DownSociety]

@chibblywubbly One flaw in your conclusion, You leave a few variables out of your equation, which often can affect the process of penetration. What if Maynard thrusts with only 50%-80% of his total length? 6 inches exactly is a pretty rounded figure, MJK's actual dick length could be anywhere from 5.7 to 6.4 inches or the given length itself could be decimals off, we can't be certain of an acute number of thrusts it takes to ride a mile on Maynard's holy cock. Who will ever know for sure?

[bcbowar50]

If most people were write a song about their dick, it would just be obnoxious. Maynard is actually really poetic about his dick and this is a great song.

[parasituss]

the short and better version of maynard's dick? now that's a fail : D

[13blackdiego]

Talk about the most epic guitar intro ever...

[Jiggleton]

It has been too long. 

[aerozeppelin35]

me and my friend did a cover of this.. its so fun to play

[22rawrrawr]

@aerozeppelin35 dude same here but i said laynes dick haha

[aerozeppelin35]

very simple song on the guitar lol i learned it just by listening.. go tool haha.. i will see them before i die i swear..

[ilovechipotle85]

@aerozeppelin35 saw them a few days ago in kc. it was incredible.

[BankScamTakeover]

Kinda like the way you keep lookin' away ;-)

[klopcuch]

i don`t like this song cuz i thought the tool have only serious songs ... But Maynards voice, and boys play still amazing.

[HylianGuard]

@klopcuch You almost got it, Please throw al your tool albums away, And start listening to Britney again

[klopcuch]

@HylianGuard you didn`t undestand me ... I`m not speaking english very well so you don`t have to be rude (?) ...

[WarLocK8008]

Man nothin goes down with a half quarter of weed a 40 of whiskey and 4 molson canadian like some tool

[jcbakel]

what CD is this off of?

[strangled68]

@jcbakel Salival. Mostly live stuff on it. Usually available on ebay. Can be a bit expensive though as it's a dvd and cd. vhs and cd's a bit cheaper.

[freezingboris]

@jcbakel It's a hidden track on Salival. It was recorded before their demo.

[RapidF6]

10560 thrusts.

[MerlinAmbrosius17]

Saw them in Kingston last summer. Wish they had played this one!

P.S. My buddy who went with me was thrilled that they played Flood. All the times he had ever seen Tool live they had never played Flood. :-)

[MerlinAmbrosius17]

@MerlinAmbrosius17

Paid way too much for a tour t-shirt, but it was worth it!

[TheMaxwellFingers]

Would you like to glide on?

Slide a mile six inches at a time on Maynard's Dick...

I love this song.

Kinda makes me happy.:)

[campingoncampus]

acoustic?

[ZDLR221]

Maynard's Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii­iiiiiiiiiick

[revolutionday1]

Best Tool song ever written. Period.

[pullmynoodle]

i wouldn't say the best but for sure its a good one

[revolutionday1]

I'll beat your ass. I'm all jacked-up on Mountain Dew....!

[pullmynoodle]

OH SHIT!!!! somebody call 9-1-1 this motherfucker is straight up crazy lol

[revolutionday1]

;-)

[frollun2]

a huge reason i like this song is because it sounds nothing like tool.

kinda like this song is humor more than anything.... kinda like an inside joke for the band... and it makes me like them that much more.

[WickedSync]

@frollun2 lol it soudns liek tools EP

[colebrandon10]

@frollun2 no dude sounds like old tool like sweat is off the salival album and it sounds like them man even the acoustic kinda like 4 degrees its fuckin epic too

[selenagirl14]

god NO ONE would do this! this is exactly why i love him!!!!!

[TOOL3rdEyeDmt]

Lol just relax maynard damn.

[V3rmili0nPt2]

AWESOME. AWESOME. AWESOME. I'd hit that! :D

[saidramos77]

This song is like La Renga - La balada del diablo y la muerte Hear that

[hagancorrerlavox]

yes tenes razon ;)

[Spoons15322]

Such a cool chorus.

[ToolFreakForChicken]

I love to sing this song loud!!! People think iam a shows what thet know.

[XxXHannahMouseXxX]

damn this song make me laugh but its just amazing i love tool!

[loveforboas]

first time on acid i came down to this song. i still got goosebumps.

[ctra123]

@loveforboas Wow you're cool

[jungleman68]

lmao

[E2DaPproductions]

I love maynard's dick.

[acdcya]

ok i fyou guys want a song thats a joke heres one to get the joke look at the lyrics other whies it just sounds like nazi propoganda

[dasklavierleben]

Are you talking about 'die eier von Satan'?

Yeah it's a german cookie recipe

[source1zero]

It's a marijuana cookie recipe.. and no eggs...

[dasklavierleben]

BEI ZWEIHUNDERD GRAD FUER FUNFZEHN MINUTEN BACKEN UND KEINE EIER!!! (forgive my spelling it has been a while since I have written german)

[source1zero]

und Sagt die Zauberwörter Simsalbimbamba Saladu Saladim!!!!!!

[mikeurehomie]

@source1zero, und keine eier, lol, i took german in highschool and laughed my ass off when i listened to it for the first time while my friends felt scared

[fiberglassdiaper]

its actually a recipe for hash brownies....and "die eier von satan" is german for "the eggs of satan"!

[source1zero]

Brownies?? Damn, maybe I left mine in the oven too long - they were pretty damn crunchy by the time they were done, I assumed they were cookies.. Still, they certainly did the job =)

[blackandwhitereruns]

To bad half of you don't know what this song is about. :)

[toolreligion]

its kind of obvious

but wouldnt you?

want to slide on maynard's dick?

[rasmussen121]

Would you like to glide on slide a mile six inches at a time on Maynard's dick xD Genius ^^

[loveforboas]

yes

[winstonsmithamm]

pssh only 6? woulda thought maynard was packin more than that :-D

[MerlinAmbrosius17]

@winstonsmithamm

He is kinda slight. Usually it goes like this: the bigger the man, the bigger the package. :-P

[MerlinAmbrosius17]

@winstonsmithamm

At least he is honest...

[CLOVISJUGGALETTE]

I First Heard This Song When I Seen Them In Concert.... I Love Maynard's Music... He Is An Amazing Beautiful Song Writer And Singer....

[Darsilus]

Pretty damn groovy for tool alright

[DanToppy]

I just learned to play this... I can't wait until people ask "Hey what song is that?" and i can yell in their face "IT'S MAYNARD'S DICK!" lol

[dasklavierleben]

hahahaha you've inspired me to buy a guiter and do just that.