Headlines Clip 1

[shmuli9]

I think this is probably the funniest segment on the Tonight Show... I used to have my own wall of headlines at work. One pic said "I Have the cleanest smelling bathroom in the world. If you don't believe me, come smell my toilet!" and another one from a local newspaper that interviewed people on the street. This time, the question was "What do you plan to do on Valentine's Day?" One woman replied "Idon't know - probably get drunk."

[degree7]

Cornbread suffering, XD

[schmittyc1993]

@palatiality I wonder what it was supposed to say. haha

[schmittyc1993]

with his lisp, i swear he said Kate Blanshit

[jjrules07]

Uh my health

[RideTheRainbowTV]

I got one of those Trail Balzers hahahaha

[VlipsYan]

nutcracker boxers

[warriorfan201]

OMG! HILARIOUS!!!!



[LeonLight13]

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLL­!!!!!!!!!!11

[VisionVirusLive]

People only watch Jay because of his guest. Not because hes funny or anything. Just sayin.

[happyfacefries]

@VisionVirusLive That's like saying you read Playboy for the articles, idiot.

[ianj30]

@VisionVirusLive i watch jay for the funny stuff and turn it off when the guests come on...

[WorldChallenge]

The only good thing about the show.

[airmedi27]

free mammograms at the chevron station haha

[oldpossum]

@Mandeln91 the WHOROSCOPE made me break up, too...

[KkRONtv]

"Remember kids. September is baby penis mouth!"

[shiroisan87]

QUICK! SELL IT NOW!!! LMAO!!!

[Laveticus]

Those headlines were great!

Not the best I've seen, but still pretty funny.

[etidd88]

baby penis mouth LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!! haven't laughed that hard in a while.

[etidd88]

@bigpopparamma the bushisms book is a close substitute.

[ngarcia103]

"Thekimwer": Either...

- there's a bin behind his desk, and they land in there

- it's one big pile, which people clean up during the break.

[ngarcia103]

"Thekimwer": I always wondered where they landed.

[Zgamer618]

5:39 very lulzy

[airplanegod]

David letterman and Jimmy Kimmel is better than this joke of a man. And, of course, TEAM COCO!!!

[jchardy316]

@airplanegod that's why you're commenting here.

[ngarcia103]

"airplanegod": ... that's why Conan couldn't come close to beating Letterman or Kimmel.

Why trash Leno? He, Letterman and Kimmel are all better than you.

[robertjohnson487]

@ngarcia103 You've probably learned this by now, but if you want to respond to a comment hit the 'Reply' icon on the comment itself. That way the person you are responding to will get your message in their inbox as well as it being shown here on the original video. Just so you know....

[ngarcia103]

@robertjohnson487 : Oh, I know... but replying the way I do is just the way I've gotten accustomed to. (I'd started it before the @ tags.)

[robertjohnson487]

@ngarcia103 Oh OK, I understand. You do know that the person you are responding to will not know that you have responded, by the way that you usually do it, right?

[drServitus]

@robertjohnson487 how helpful you are robbie! You go girl!

[gamer5274]

why is ther no "mix thoghter" clips on youtube from "the tonight show"?

[thejakeman16]

@bigpopparamma I'm sure a billion people already told you this, but he does. Like every couple of years.

[MrSPLman]

these are great !!!!! LOOOOOOOOL !!!!!!!!

[rodericf1]

you lost me at Celine Deon. LOL

[xohlic]

if jay leno makes you laugh chances are i don't care for you as a person

[KingCuervo88]

@xohlic wow... way to steal that from letterman/ family guy... tool... might as well complete the circle of doucheness and ask for someone to "thumbs up" your comment... glitter wearing faggot

[Theburn77]

the headlines part of the show was always my favorite

[ngarcia103]

"Theburn77": Headlines are what got me into watching Jay in the first place.

[oldsoldier2001]

@bigpopparamma

He already has done that.

[hitman6050]

he did

[MRSBA7]

the joke about the African dish was abpout the AGE 45000000 years old! . not the price.. jay

[ninjababypunchr]

leno is funny as hell!!!

[dstebbin]

Baby penis mouth!

Fucking brilliant!

[loveumannyfromz]

uhh yes.. youre having sex with many men.. yes.. im doing you a WHORESCOPE! lol!

[codydh3]

what the heck at 6:03 "imperial stuufed cod"

[letscallthosehogs07]

lol trailbalzer

[TheZodiacPrincess]

FREE mammograms at the Chevron Station? HOW CAN I LOSE?!

[kreigsmann]

tiwlight

that girl was hidious

[raymondman09]

trailbalzer!! lol

[theproducerspart2]

The Just Die one about made me fall over laughing lol

[CupcakeVamp]

I already lost my virginity, and I'll probably lose it again before marriage!!! hahaahahahahahahaha

[chelootzuny]

I liked the girl who thinks she can lose her virginity TWICE :))))))))

[Aragiss]

weedin dress!

[CupcakeVamp]

Where's that Chevron station? I want me some good free mamograms!

[majinhiei7]

@bigpopparamma he has I've seen some in the library/

[PYCHODrAgOn]

i love the the guy with a cigerrette and he's grateful for his health hahaha

[jones11117]

Headlines are not funny... UNLESS YOU GET JAY LENO TO DO THEM LMAO (i hate just slideshows i love it when jay does it)

[ngarcia103]

"jones11117": It's even better when you can find really old headlines, and remember exactly what Jay's remark was.

[604PENNYWISE]

haha nutcracker shorts!

NOT INTERESTED!

[kurale10]

September is baby penis mouth?? Awwwww! I missed it last year!

[gaaraharry2]

@kurale10 i think they meant meant baby jesus month but the writer waz perverted

[nintendo1889x]

2:34: "Fire destroys crematorium, no human remains were inside"; wow, and the fact that these are real makes them even better!

[MizNelson]

Even funnier about the "weedin dress" ad was that it said it'd never been worn. What the hell is the owner doing with a wedding dress, then?

[monalisa1040]

I'm gonna take a guess that was supposed to be baby spinach month

[gaaraharry2]

@monalisa1040

maybe baby jesus month its a church

[somniumconspirator]

2:15 was hilarious. The Weedin dress and his hillybilly trailer trash banjo music impression was hiliarious.

[JMets2]

8:16...hilarious

[PyrozPlayground]

Just die! hahahaa

[knexfan100]

WHOROSCOPE LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jabbawhojumps]

@bigpopparamma He did

[Karen41872]

Hey captamerica316 ---- well, I'm 24 years old and I just HOWL over the headlines ..... especially the Chinese menus .... they are HYSTERICAL. By the way, captamerica316, was the THIRD GRADE your SENIOR YEAR?

[6yearcoma]

Don't forget Feb is black baby penis mouth month

[Lonlywolf89]

jay leno and connan are both amazing shows and you should stop fighting who is better

[Freethinker12341]

lmaoo "african fossil dish, 550 000 000 years old.....$45" hahahah lmfaoo

[traphikk]

lol baby penis mouth

[naraku127]

mammogram LOLOLLOLOOL

[captamerica316]

lenos for ppl over 50 what a fuckin faggot, his staff puts together the headlines which is the only good part of his show, he just reads other ppls mistakes, the only ppl that laugh during his monologue are old people, this idiot cant even hold a torch to conan 2

[boomgoldrry7]

@captamerica316 If you hate Jay, why are you on videos of him? If you don't like him, don't click on videos with him in it. You're wasting time and space and proving how big of an idiot you are.

[naraku127]

@captamerica316 im 18 and think hes funny as helll

and really? then why did he replace conan? because people like him you fuck

i like conan alot but jay is better overall to all age ranges

your just some bitch who reads comic books and jerks off to conan

[ztv]

Happy birthday Jay!

I miss the Headlines

[JAYTALITY]

it wouldn be half as funnu without his delivery

[Freethinker12341]

i could be wrong

[Freethinker12341]

haha i detect a slight "i dont want to be here from jay" at 0:37

[dtadeo2006]

hahaha his comments make it even funnier

[mackexr]

Tiwlight

[CrownedPeaches]

@bigpopparamma I think there is an old one, I'm not sure though.

[ZeroSixNinetyFour]

i bought the nutcracker shorts and it didnt work :))

[ZeroSixNinetyFour]

hey guys im wondering if that is just a picture of a city behind jay .. or is it real ? xD

[bttfnut89]

@ZeroSixNinetyFour  i'll make believe i didnt read that.

[ZeroSixNinetyFour]

@bttfnut89 hahaha xD

[MoaiMaea]

---

[18karan]

Jay leno and John stewert

[superkoolnerd]

meh

[MortalKombat773]

lol retarded 15 year old girl "I've already lost my virginity. I'll probably lose it again before marriage." REALLY?!?!?

[MortalKombat773]

HEADLINES FTW!!!!!1

[bigeasy171717]

conan for life.

[GiantsSB2010]

"Baby penis mouth" lol

[Rawk4Life]

I think it was supposed to read "baby peas month."

[hellobrun]

headlines are the best part  of the show fucking hilarious

[joecam21]

THANX

[yoginiom1]

Lmfao

[Fritz102]

Jay Leno is a comedic legend.

[shoalcavesc]

@Fritz102 comic legend, you mean; but yeah!

he shud put ur comment up!

XD

[emantabrizi]

We love you, Jay!  Can't wait for March 1!

[fafnir242]

Mmm...dog...

[angelofphoenix1983]

He has published them in books

[tleatherland]

He did, many years ago. Only one volume though, AFAIK.

[teentitanchick15]

LOVE JAY LENO. XD

[HoneyNutTheAlleyCat]

hey i love both but i love conan more!!!!! hes hilarious

[iTelos]

JAY LENO!!!

LOVE YOU!

[OctocoreKrille]

haha hilarious! :D

[degree7]

Cornbread Suffering, lol

[26highstreet]

Has jay leno got a prosthetic chin or something?

[mgs22222222222222222]

Quick sell it now!

[Chilledhouse]

September is baby penis mouth.

[MrJosh1029]

he uploaded this on my birthday

[Myztik7]

Lol'd at 08:10

[Lobban]

I Love Leno, he never wanted to leave Tonight Show in the first place, will be great having him back.

[darkphotn]

The fuss is that Conan fans are butthurt about Leno doing well. They were even protesting (against no one!) in my city.

[theJugganawt]

Leno "Doing well"? I'd hardly called BEING CANCELLED doing well. NBC is ripping Conan and the crew on the show off, most of whom moved thousands of miles to do this show.

[devinquirk1]

Hell Yes! Team CoCo!

[sausageslaps]

conan sucks ass, they all know it, thats why they are booting his ass out. they know they will make more money with leno back in his time slot. no room for the red headed step child

[gengarjetty]

JAY LENO IS BACK?? YAAAAAAAAYYYY

plus i heard connan is getting less ratings?

[imperialmoose]

Was wondering what all the fuss was about... still wondering...

[xcubsrockx]

QUIICK SELL IT NOW!

[XxKobeBryantxX24]

I want a Trailbalzer,and a 550,000,000 fossil dish for 45 bucks :P 5/5 JEY LENO FOREVER!!!

[gratefultobehere]

baby penis mouth.. I laughed so hard I hurt now

[TheMandamazing]

@gratefultobehere omg ima die of laughter baby penis mouth xDDDDDDDD

[joe007ofrock]

Jay Leno is hilarious Conan O'Brien is hilarious I don't know who's side to be on

[dstebbin]

Go with Jay Leno.

Conan can NOT do headlines worth crap!

Leno could probably pick up "In the Year 2000" without too much crap, but Conan doing the headlines? Not gonna happen.

[thecatfish111]

of course conan wouldn't do the headlines because the head lines are not funny. His delivery is horrible and theres nothing really funny about newspaper clippings with spelling errors. Leno has never been funny and he keeps doing the same unfunny shtick.

[dstebbin]

Dude, the Headlines are the best part of the whole NBC nightly lineup!

[futurestar94britfan]

whoroscope XD

[pat52205]

Viva La Coco

[Jericho2k7]

FUCK JAY LENO

Coco FTW!

[dstebbin]

FUCK YOU, LENO HATER!

LENO > YOU!

[ThwartedVillainy]

Fuck Jay Leno.

[Lahkae]

Baby Penis Mouth? What the fudge?

[ragjersey]

ooh! I didn't know that Headlines were on The Late Night Show, I thought they were just on the Jay Leno show, good, I can still send them in

[BiggerThanTheDevil88]

haha remember kids, september is baby penis mouth

[dogbots15]

Lol I get that massage every Saturday !

[AmitRao9]

hilarious to funny for words

[86southernpride]

id rather not by my fiance nutcracker shorts for his birthday...that would just be cruel XD

[hnotts1234]

LMAO!!!!!! Free Mammograms at the Chevron Station.

Jay: You get up on the rack, your husband's in the back getting a free massage.

Jay: Hey Clam, come here and give this lady a mammogram.

[TinyLover94]

HAHAHAHAHA xD

September is baby penis mouth!

LMFAO

[Xboxer1080]

How the hell do you lose your virginity "AGAIN"!?

[Xboxer1080]

What? It's just a simple question. Especially seeing as how it's impossible to lose your virginity more than once.

[jroberts7387]

African fossil dish, 550,000,000 years old...............$45

[davidng07]

@jroberts7387 imagine the inflation rate, haha

[IsaacHead]

cul-de-sac

[ugotobekiding]

just die

[Video85Man]

lol got to love them headlines

[4bulletsleft]

3:11 you can see the comma.... couldnt he have just blacked out the other numbers? haha

[Cammie4]

They blacked out the phone number or name, not other numbers.

[FireFalco21]

7:03 "Priced to sell immediately"

[RiderAndKallen]

At 7:48 that girl = dumbass. Especially for the last line.

[GlamBalam]

Baby Penis Mouth

[Guitarman5150]

Wait, Wait, Wait!!! September Is Baby Penis Mouth!!!!! WTF!!!! LOLOLOL!!!!

[eldorado61guy]

I tried the 'cornbread suffering'. It wasn't bad.

[MasterChiefAgent007]

"Chevy Trailbalzer"

[imbobsaget]

baby penis mouth LOL

i cant even think of a possible explanation for that one!

[TheTwopointsevenone]

Thanks for posting this; I remember the "Tiwlight" one and was searching all over to find it again but I"m glad you have it!

[Stinkfly3]

Twilight contest winner, if you're reading this, I just want to tell you that I'm your look-alike.

[hotpotato64]

Omg, the baby penis mouth thing made me laugh so hard

[hoisonsauce]

Lute fish? Does he mean lutefisk?

[AllThatRemainsOfMe14]

omg im in tears from the : remeber kids septemeber is baby penis mouth lol

[SpunkySkunk347]

haha free mammagrams. so basically, some guy wanting to touch women's breasts thought he could trick them into it by calling it a mammagram

Canuks Jay...Not Canaks.

You have a stylist, right?

Well...could you Pl. hire someone...

who will tell you how to pronounce furin words?

Or is everyone in L.A. from Smallville...

wi