Tracy Toth looks like she's playing a different version of the Tracy Gill character in this. She looks younger, tanner, more vibrant. Not nearly as restrained and pent up as she is in their later videos.
its not hard to please me personally i cant speak for every man though i dont think its any different, but overthinking sex is probably the worst thing you can do, it should happen naturally and instinctively and over analyzing it will probably just stress the whole process, ladies, dont overthink it, just enjoy it, keep it coming (lol), and be open to new things
The comments on this video are really something. I'd say 95% of people were too busy being misogynistic to get the satire: the irony that Cosmo (a magazine for women) is more concerned with telling women how to make men happy than how to make themselves happy.
HOW DOES NO ONE UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS A SATIRE?!?? It is mocking the fact that all these magazines always talk about how to please a man, and never on how to please a woman!!! MOCKING it, get it, morons?!?!? That's why they LAUGH at the end when the male newscaster says "Maybe pleasing a woman...?"!!! IDIOTS!!!
"hahahaha you're such a kidder! !!" *thinking (my husband never does foreplay he just masturbates in my vagina for 5 minutes until he cums and rolls over)
WOW!!! Women are so dumb and unimportant of asking their own spouses what they can do to get their men in the mood, that they needed a magazine to tell them the obvious truths. And I thought the male gender was the simple one. Women aren't really complex, they just try to get you to think that.
@QuirkyGengar this video is obviously a joke. the whole onion series is. apparently a "complex" man like you couldnt even figure the obvious out. fxcking moron
@ItzMeErica Actually I was jokingly saying that women are the more simple gender because they always go by the magazine to decide what to do and what to wear. I knew what this video meant, you obviously had no idea that I knew what this video was about. Your calling me a moron? Please, don't call other people moron, especially when you are going to act like one.
Listen asshole, just because someone doesn't objectify women doesn't make them a virgin, that makes no fucking sense. Besides, I'd rather be a virgin than a complete fucking tool like you that judges someone based on whether they've had sex or not, and probably thinks it's fun to see how many girls they can have sex, as if anyone gives a shit.
@LocoGroove if you keep bringing up being a virgin than you probably are one. just saying...
and there's nothing wrong with that either.
And not all guys that are virgins are assholes. They're just really immature. There's a difference between maturity and virginity. You could be a 30 year old virgin male who's rather nerdy but is really nice to women and is not gay.
@sarahsquirrel3 True, I'm not saying that. I'm basing my statement to what I've seen; few of my friends, who are, well virgins, don't really know how to act around women. LIke you said, they're really immature. But getting rid of virginity doesn't mean that someone is suddenly very mature and polite. Ugh, whatever. This convo isn't going anywhere. Peace!!
stupid people!!!!!!!!! you should study something to really help people , no this shit!!! the only thing u have to do to a man is suck his cock thats all!!!!!!!! no science there!!!
This comment has received too many negative votesshow
It's easy ladies, put down the cosmo lick our penis, play with our balls, don't talk, make us a sammich and beer and leave us alone until your needed.
I find it funny that people talk this much about sex at all. There's no "secrets" that you don't learn from a high school health class. People who read articles like these are just too horny to think about anything else.
@666oromis666 the reference was to a family guy skit with a middle eastern man explaining sarcasm. sorry if i made you feel for one second that knowing about grammar and spelling made you a cooler person than someone else for one second of your life.
I'm with dandreholmes on this one. But satiricaly, onion news hit the issue right on the head. i think cosmo is like the sex dictionary for women. if you try and use a word straight out of the dictionary you don't know, just by the definition, you're gonna probably sound stupid. just like if a woman tries a trick out of the cosmo, its probably gonna feel or look stupid. so yes, stick to the basics, but some spice here and there is always welcome.
Guh I couldn't laugh at the clipboard because I instantly noticed it said 'is balls' instead of 'his'... This is why you should never become an English major :(
i mean ,except the funny parts, at the end if u noticed he asked if she had any plans or something like that for the parts of a woman but they started laughing
this really demonstrates the tamboo's of our society and its a really big problem...if you think about it
Yeah! I look at these covers and I wonder, "How the fuck do you find 50 new ways to please your man every fucking issue?" Being a man myself, I can honestly say we are simple creatures. We like to experiment every once in a while, but we're not really looking to try every new "trick" these magazines "discover."
One sure fire trick: "Cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, work the pipe, and swallow the gravy."
There was this cute girl in anatomy class who used to next to me, she would run her hand over my back sometimes and one time she rubbed that circle arousal area. Let's just say, what happened next was quite embarrassing.
In Constantinople, the Varangian guard pays their relief pitchers with poached muskrat gizzards. Pin the merit badge on the inside, Guinevere! Still, the cows never fly back home; their migratory instincts betrayed by Vaudevillian rappers who collect the credit card numbers of itinerant Belarussian argonauts. There's a melee in the chupacabra's rec room!!!!!
this is so true because cosmo magazine has HOW TO PLEASE YOUR MAN in EVERY issue in fact they probably have had over 187, 790,687 ways on how to please your man if u combine them all
Due to the hours I spent in the laundromat, I have read many women's magazines. After I had read all the car, hunting magazines. Strange stuff in those women's mags. Remember the Eastwood gunny character, who bought a stack of womens magazines, in hopes of figuring out women? An impossibility,eh?
Sure, there are some loser women in the world. There are loser men, too. If your woman is a bitch, get yourself a new woman. Stop blaming all women for your inability to find happiness and self-respect, and stop whining about how hard women have made it for you.
Same thing goes for the girls (with regards to men, of course). Jeesh!
This comment has received too many negative votesshow
damn women and there studies. im in a course were we studie women health. what about Man Health. damn women and there judging and all the girls are anti man ,... wow i picked the wrong class!!!
No wonder you guys think women are useless. Just reading those comments made it obvious that even if you tried as hard as you could, no woman would ever be desperate enough to spend time with you unless you paid her.
I've never had the problems with women you all describe, and I bet that most other guys feel the same. It's not all the women in the world who are worthless piles of turd. That smell? It's coming from you.
I find it so interesting that sex psychologists, on the whole, tend to not be that sexually attractive. Though....I suppose one could assume that since they know so much, they'd perform pretty well.
This comment has received too many negative votesshow
the kids are even worse... you also get to be the man her friends hate the most... what you say today, tomorrow she will change it completely so that you look like a pig and tell her friends... probably so that all women hate you when you get tired of the bullshit!
why is it strange we make more money? WE PAY EVERYTHING!!! a woman is a second tax rate!!! (80-90%)
women make more than us!!! stupid feminists... they don't understand!
Once a woman starts complaining they will never shut up. They'll do what it takes to win the argument. Then she'll tell her friends about you and it will make you look like the bad guy.
We work for our asses off to feed our women and children. Or at least put a decent meal on the table.
All the women does is just add on more crap to the shitty life you already have.
exactly! no matter what salary, i have the same zero on the account in the end of the month!
the worst is we can't pick... they are all the same. i'm starting to understand gay men!!!
if you're married you will recognize it
whatever i do my wife turns it against me... if i come home early/late/in time... if i give her a present/roses... either you become gay or a zombie...
How about we kill all women who aren't thin and curvy and sexy, teach them how to shut up and cook you dinner. Then you can come home every day to a half-naked 20 year old blonde who only talks when asked to with a 5 star meal on the table for you. When she turns 28 she takes fertility treatment, pops out a couple kids, then shes killed while you get a brand new 20 year old wife. Oh, and don't worry about the kids, they'll be at a 24 hour day care 365 days a year.
Yeah, Of course. Even though Woman are just as capable as men and many have careers. Do Men always pay for that other mouth? No. My Mom never had Any help from my Pa. If we didn't give birth, What about the next generation? Think about it, fool. PS - Next time you try to sound intelligent, spell "clothes" correctly.
And most women that work are either young, single, or because of the father is too lazy to do things.
My father wasn't around either. My mother lives off of damn Welfare checks. I'm the only one that works in the house. I'm 17, I should be out, but, no. I don't wanna be my father.
PS - I wasn't trying to sound intelligent; it's how I type, and speak.
my god i don't like the way media generally mystifies sex, its something than can be done entirely by instinct and is always fucking amazing when under the reigns of intuition and feeling
i think that joke was that cosmo is more concerned with telling women how to make men happy than with telling women how to make themselves happy. that's pretty much every single article they've ever written
Wow, you guys really hit the nail on the head with this one. Most people DO focus on male sexuality, but sadly even some women don't know about their own sexuality. I remember once in High School, I was talking to some people, and told them that I've seen a woman masturbate (which I have), and was onto the notion that women could feel sexual pleasure. They lied when they said they tried it, but later on I found out I was right on. So, their loss I guess.
Yeah, that's true, people understand so little about female pleasure unless they look for it. I remember this girl in High School who told me that if I spin my tounge in a counter-clockwise motion while I'm eating her out, it drives women mad. Actually, that's a pleasure technique that even I don't see mentioned often. Go ahead and try it yourself if you have a GF, or if you're a girl, have your BF do that or try it with your fingers. I just hope YouTube doesn't deem this comment inappropriate.
Definitely sfw. Childish advertisement of limited sexual experience only puts you on the fast track to embarrassment and ending up like Seexybabbii. Part of the joke lies in the idea of "push-button" or "calculated" sex, and your "technique" is as generalizing as it is generic. You already know female pleasure is more complex than a male's- why not act the part?
oyu are an interesting person...why do you respond to everyone who makes a post and what does you response to me even mean? what about sex psychologist typically being unattractive ( and due to the number of thumbs ups i must not be the only one who feels that way) doesn't make sense? if you mean the prostitute thing that was a response to alexfanx .
The only difference between the Onion and Faux news, is that most people know the Onion is satire, and and they get a kick out of it, unlike faux news which people actually take seriously.
Not PC if it accurately describes a condition. I'm handicapable, but never heard that term, until today. Not a term I'd use, much cuz I'd have to explain it all the time.
yea..this vid is meaningless to hetero-sexual males..just when the guy gave the suggestion that i wanted to hear in the end, the ladies laughed at him and the vid ended :( lol
Tracy Toth looks like she's playing a different version of the Tracy Gill character in this. She looks younger, tanner, more vibrant. Not nearly as restrained and pent up as she is in their later videos.
PaladinHero 4 weeks ago in playlist Season 1
its not hard to please me personally i cant speak for every man though i dont think its any different, but overthinking sex is probably the worst thing you can do, it should happen naturally and instinctively and over analyzing it will probably just stress the whole process, ladies, dont overthink it, just enjoy it, keep it coming (lol), and be open to new things
insaninater 1 month ago
This has been flagged as spam show
The comments on this video are really something. I'd say 95% of people were too busy being misogynistic to get the satire: the irony that Cosmo (a magazine for women) is more concerned with telling women how to make men happy than how to make themselves happy.
5ilverhalo 1 month ago
Tracy looks like shes going partying
Sei1863 2 months ago
As a man, I don't even know 50 different ways to pleasure myself.
HO1ySh33t 2 months ago 5
just suck his dick honey...
TheYouwontgetit 2 months ago in playlist Season 1
HOW DOES NO ONE UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS A SATIRE?!?? It is mocking the fact that all these magazines always talk about how to please a man, and never on how to please a woman!!! MOCKING it, get it, morons?!?!? That's why they LAUGH at the end when the male newscaster says "Maybe pleasing a woman...?"!!! IDIOTS!!!
SavoyTruffle78 2 months ago 7
Tell her she's very beautiful
And she will .org
No need for penistration
RyeBai 3 months ago
"hahahaha you're such a kidder! !!" *thinking (my husband never does foreplay he just masturbates in my vagina for 5 minutes until he cums and rolls over)
SuperSikNasty 3 months ago
just suck his dick honey...
TheYouwontgetit 3 months ago
The only thing I do with a cosmo is masterbait. Lolololol. And I'm a 16 year old girl. What's wrong with this world. Lawl'd c:
TheAikaInfinity 3 months ago
@TheAikaInfinity ...that comment is too hot to not be a lie.
Dorminay42 3 months ago
Still ahead this hour:
Serial killer with down syndrome commits fifth inspirational murder.
roryphelan 4 months ago 8
Trust would please this man!... i know, i ask too dam much! =(
mrblack61 5 months ago
Sure fire way to please a women in bed. Trust me I'm a doctor.
1. Lay your naked women in bed.
2. Hand her a few hundred dollars in 20 dollar bills.
3. She will state that she couldn't accept it, ignore her and insist she take the money.
4. Female pleasure induced.
It's really that easy.
vjm3 6 months ago 18
Love the headings on the Cosmo cover:
"Ten tips for remaining still and quiet in the presence of men"
"The Red Scare: what it means for your man's libido"
"In the Kitchen: let him know you care with a sumptious - and sensual - dinner"
"Nuclear Love: 10 how-to tips to make your bedroom glow like the energy of the future"
"For Women with Bigger Bosoms - the surgery that could get you back to sexy size"
You find so many gems in these videos.
alucard33333 6 months ago 9
that magazine is utterly useless. critique of it should have been funny. it wasn't.
cherubicnerd 6 months ago
i like these satires ^_^
NikoBelack 7 months ago
Reading this comments kind of shocked me. Why do so many people don't get that this is sarcasm?
oOLampiOo 7 months ago
Why do we women need to make sure the guy gets off when most women are having trouble reaching orgasm themselves?
scaryfantasy24 7 months ago 7
@scaryfantasy24 because you're to retarded to notice this is satire.
ikt123 4 months ago
@scaryfantasy24 would it be wrong to reply to that joke with a joke about all of you fixing us sandwiches?
winning12341 2 months ago
make him a sandwich
play with his balls
shut up once in awhile
tht was easy :)
Bass20HZobsession 7 months ago
I wish that this would be true
WatchmenDrManhattan 7 months ago
Comment removed
moriya2k2 8 months ago
holy shit that secret area exsists!
xScuzzleButtx 8 months ago
WOW!!! Women are so dumb and unimportant of asking their own spouses what they can do to get their men in the mood, that they needed a magazine to tell them the obvious truths. And I thought the male gender was the simple one. Women aren't really complex, they just try to get you to think that.
QuirkyGengar 9 months ago
@QuirkyGengar this video is obviously a joke. the whole onion series is. apparently a "complex" man like you couldnt even figure the obvious out. fxcking moron
ItzMeErica 9 months ago
@ItzMeErica Actually I was jokingly saying that women are the more simple gender because they always go by the magazine to decide what to do and what to wear. I knew what this video meant, you obviously had no idea that I knew what this video was about. Your calling me a moron? Please, don't call other people moron, especially when you are going to act like one.
QuirkyGengar 9 months ago
what is he wearing?
TheFireyes 10 months ago
Ad = thumbs down.
JaysThoughts 10 months ago
video game, sandwich, BJ, nap, repeat.
Natedawg422 10 months ago
This is so Cosmopolitan ! :-)
F3FisGoodforYou 11 months ago
*insert sexist joke here even though you'll never get laid*
ThePsychoticScyth396 11 months ago
*Insert random quote from video Insert+100 thumbs up*
undertyped1 11 months ago
@undertyped1
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOL
DonZabu 7 months ago
Yep, because all women want to do is suck dick, play with balls, make sandwiches, and give us beer. What the fuck is wrong with some of you.....
squeezeslemons 11 months ago 4
@squeezeslemons Of course they want to, are you not watching the totally serious (and in no way ever in a million years satirical) news channel?
EdinSumar 10 months ago
Comment removed
squeezeslemons 10 months ago
@squeezeslemons Well shit, got me there. I have no idea how I could have missed the nonexistant clues as to that being the way of things.
EdinSumar 10 months ago
@squeezeslemons People who make that kind of comments are usually virgins...
LocoGroove 10 months ago
@LocoGroove
People that make a comment like yours are pretty much retarded.
squeezeslemons 10 months ago
@squeezeslemons Nope, funny virgins are funny.
LocoGroove 10 months ago
@LocoGroove
Listen asshole, just because someone doesn't objectify women doesn't make them a virgin, that makes no fucking sense. Besides, I'd rather be a virgin than a complete fucking tool like you that judges someone based on whether they've had sex or not, and probably thinks it's fun to see how many girls they can have sex, as if anyone gives a shit.
squeezeslemons 10 months ago
@squeezeslemons You didn't get my point....I said meant that if someone acts like an asshole around women, he probably is a virgin.
LocoGroove 10 months ago
@LocoGroove if you keep bringing up being a virgin than you probably are one. just saying...
and there's nothing wrong with that either.
And not all guys that are virgins are assholes. They're just really immature. There's a difference between maturity and virginity. You could be a 30 year old virgin male who's rather nerdy but is really nice to women and is not gay.
sarahsquirrel3 10 months ago
@sarahsquirrel3 True, I'm not saying that. I'm basing my statement to what I've seen; few of my friends, who are, well virgins, don't really know how to act around women. LIke you said, they're really immature. But getting rid of virginity doesn't mean that someone is suddenly very mature and polite. Ugh, whatever. This convo isn't going anywhere. Peace!!
LocoGroove 10 months ago
lol this sounds like Fox News reporters but just with more important and better news!
kaziabir1 11 months ago
stupid people!!!!!!!!! you should study something to really help people , no this shit!!! the only thing u have to do to a man is suck his cock thats all!!!!!!!! no science there!!!
Karylok88 11 months ago
guys are so easy.....man....
benedictemor 1 year ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
It's easy ladies, put down the cosmo lick our penis, play with our balls, don't talk, make us a sammich and beer and leave us alone until your needed.
mrtrollmaster1 1 year ago
who else reached for their but at 1:06?
Hobinator17 1 year ago 7
Tracy Gill is pretty hot. They should do a story on that.
AugustusLarch 1 year ago
I find it funny that people talk this much about sex at all. There's no "secrets" that you don't learn from a high school health class. People who read articles like these are just too horny to think about anything else.
Wisprsinthedrk 1 year ago
This has been flagged as spam show
There is Trying to Asian brides "busizz4me.info"
SheliaVanessae 1 year ago
Let me guess- they all involve his balls/ass, right?
bobmuffins 1 year ago
They better have added makein sadmiches an givin bjs
ThefirstDrInsane2U 1 year ago
Hah ees funny bee cause cosmo no do science research on bullshit please da man article! But people still beliebe it!
mavriksfan11 1 year ago
@mavriksfan11 I wish they also did an 'improve your spelling' research that you could read about. But alas.
666oromis666 1 year ago
@666oromis666 the reference was to a family guy skit with a middle eastern man explaining sarcasm. sorry if i made you feel for one second that knowing about grammar and spelling made you a cooler person than someone else for one second of your life.
mavriksfan11 1 year ago
I'm with dandreholmes on this one. But satiricaly, onion news hit the issue right on the head. i think cosmo is like the sex dictionary for women. if you try and use a word straight out of the dictionary you don't know, just by the definition, you're gonna probably sound stupid. just like if a woman tries a trick out of the cosmo, its probably gonna feel or look stupid. so yes, stick to the basics, but some spice here and there is always welcome.
kyleforpresident77 1 year ago
Guh I couldn't laugh at the clipboard because I instantly noticed it said 'is balls' instead of 'his'... This is why you should never become an English major :(
dillonator42 1 year ago 3
this is pure inteligence
i mean ,except the funny parts, at the end if u noticed he asked if she had any plans or something like that for the parts of a woman but they started laughing
this really demonstrates the tamboo's of our society and its a really big problem...if you think about it
Rizombie 1 year ago 8
@Rizombie yay for tamboo!
Chrismonchan 1 year ago
@Chrismonchan ^^
Rizombie 1 year ago
Yeah! I look at these covers and I wonder, "How the fuck do you find 50 new ways to please your man every fucking issue?" Being a man myself, I can honestly say we are simple creatures. We like to experiment every once in a while, but we're not really looking to try every new "trick" these magazines "discover."
One sure fire trick: "Cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, work the pipe, and swallow the gravy."
dandreholmes 1 year ago 32
@dandreholmes
they don't, they just keep recycling the old ones, with new, bizarre names.
lefou21 1 year ago
@dandreholmes you are a fucjing genius
thegreatbrettano 1 year ago
There was this cute girl in anatomy class who used to next to me, she would run her hand over my back sometimes and one time she rubbed that circle arousal area. Let's just say, what happened next was quite embarrassing.
Socrates271 1 year ago 4
@Socrates271 and I jizzed in my pants
shinto56 1 year ago
1:27 "findings will finally allow women to fully please men as they are meant to"
allwittynamestaken 1 year ago
Cosmo is so gay, their advice is all no-brainer stuff. That magazine would only be helpful for nuns!
MrFreakaccident 1 year ago
Shit yourself thin.... Hm....
I wonder if that works lol
ematator 1 year ago
LMAO I have an ad for Cosmopolitan showing next to this.
eljagg01 1 year ago
@eljagg01 haha me to..some $1 an issue thing
WeDidItForTheCamera 1 year ago
super hot sex zones???
okay here's a hint... IT'S THE PENIS
MsAdam63 1 year ago 32
In Constantinople, the Varangian guard pays their relief pitchers with poached muskrat gizzards. Pin the merit badge on the inside, Guinevere! Still, the cows never fly back home; their migratory instincts betrayed by Vaudevillian rappers who collect the credit card numbers of itinerant Belarussian argonauts. There's a melee in the chupacabra's rec room!!!!!
RicothePsycho 1 year ago
Oh god I love the onion
uglybob69 1 year ago 4
Many thanks to Cosmopolitan Magazine and the Man-Pleasing Institute for their exhaustive and invaluable contributions to science and gonads.
argozempo 1 year ago 4
Moan Zone lol
brackenjo 1 year ago
this is so true because cosmo magazine has HOW TO PLEASE YOUR MAN in EVERY issue in fact they probably have had over 187, 790,687 ways on how to please your man if u combine them all
sp69ky88 1 year ago
@sp69ky88 agree haha. it's like, in every issue, you think, what else is new? haha
brackenjo 1 year ago 2
X-D
The whole thing was worth it for "What's next? Sensual pleasures for women?" Then having the Cosmo girl and the host laugh at him!
Thank you, Onion, for showing how misogynistic (sp?) Cosmo is!
VTPPGLVR 1 year ago 4
If this ever actually happens, Cosmo will go out of business because they won't have anything else to talk about.
ElveeKaye 1 year ago
@ElveeKaye Haha, i know right?
DynamicScherzo 1 year ago
shit yourslef thin #LOL
CheeseGenius 1 year ago
wow 0:57 just play with his
Superman19113 1 year ago
"did she ever shit off a lot of weight."
What a hilarious and unrelated intro.
spooley13 1 year ago
Wow... The joke was suppose to be that there's more than maybe... 2 ways to please a man...
Unless of course we're counting sexual positions...
How the hell did it come to this pitiful battle of the sexes bullshit?
nosferotica1 1 year ago
let's engage in a serious discussion here.
moodswyng 1 year ago 3
"Serial killer with down-syndrome commits fifth inspirational murder" Lololololol
TheAndiePerson 1 year ago 8
haha, todays headline at 1:28
myhunter15 1 year ago 3
Due to the hours I spent in the laundromat, I have read many women's magazines. After I had read all the car, hunting magazines. Strange stuff in those women's mags. Remember the Eastwood gunny character, who bought a stack of womens magazines, in hopes of figuring out women? An impossibility,eh?
westkan 1 year ago
Wow... Misogyny anyone?
Sure, there are some loser women in the world. There are loser men, too. If your woman is a bitch, get yourself a new woman. Stop blaming all women for your inability to find happiness and self-respect, and stop whining about how hard women have made it for you.
Same thing goes for the girls (with regards to men, of course). Jeesh!
Hakumeiun 1 year ago
0:57 "JUST PLAY WITH HIS BALLS"
LMAOO!
OoMASEoO 2 years ago 120
@OoMASEoO buffering froze right at 0:57 haha
BrookssRobinsonn 8 months ago
"That woman has shit off so much weight, it's unbelievable."
FelchBelcher 2 years ago 156
Why are there so many guys commenting about how women suck the life out of them? Stick a cock in it already.
My mom bought a brand new house, supported 2 kids + my grandmother, and worked her ass off to do so. She didn't bitch half as much as you pussies.
d0pesick 2 years ago 17
This comment has received too many negative votes show
damn women and there studies. im in a course were we studie women health. what about Man Health. damn women and there judging and all the girls are anti man ,... wow i picked the wrong class!!!
lilHippo 2 years ago
lmao "such a kidder". even tho it's slightly sexist.
skiesoutside 2 years ago 4
Lol'd at the end.
Manofaction0 2 years ago 6
No wonder you guys think women are useless. Just reading those comments made it obvious that even if you tried as hard as you could, no woman would ever be desperate enough to spend time with you unless you paid her.
I've never had the problems with women you all describe, and I bet that most other guys feel the same. It's not all the women in the world who are worthless piles of turd. That smell? It's coming from you.
crabterror 2 years ago 9
A lot of commenters don't seem to realize that this is satire. I know that that happens a lot with stuff from The Onion, but come on!
dajia 2 years ago 3
I find it so interesting that sex psychologists, on the whole, tend to not be that sexually attractive. Though....I suppose one could assume that since they know so much, they'd perform pretty well.
ZaraMikazuki 2 years ago
This video has so many FAIL comments that it would take a 12 page essay to explain how badly they FAIL at everything.
geffrod 2 years ago 3
-How to please a man-
"Suck his dick, play with his balls, make him a sandwich, and don't talk so much"
896367453 2 years ago 6
dont forget to pay once in a while... my pockets are short because of it!
bzzbt 2 years ago
@bzzbt
Yeah, no. I don't think I understand what you ment by that.
896367453 2 years ago
the man pays everything! my wallet is empty...
bzzbt 2 years ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
Ohh. True.
Men pay for women's food, clothe's, and jewlery. The man also gives her love, time, and their own home to a women.
The only thing that a women gives back in return is a second mouth to feed other than her. (child)
896367453 2 years ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
the kids are even worse... you also get to be the man her friends hate the most... what you say today, tomorrow she will change it completely so that you look like a pig and tell her friends... probably so that all women hate you when you get tired of the bullshit!
why is it strange we make more money? WE PAY EVERYTHING!!! a woman is a second tax rate!!! (80-90%)
women make more than us!!! stupid feminists... they don't understand!
bzzbt 2 years ago
Once a woman starts complaining they will never shut up. They'll do what it takes to win the argument. Then she'll tell her friends about you and it will make you look like the bad guy.
We work for our asses off to feed our women and children. Or at least put a decent meal on the table.
All the women does is just add on more crap to the shitty life you already have.
896367453 2 years ago
exactly! no matter what salary, i have the same zero on the account in the end of the month!
the worst is we can't pick... they are all the same. i'm starting to understand gay men!!!
if you're married you will recognize it
whatever i do my wife turns it against me... if i come home early/late/in time... if i give her a present/roses... either you become gay or a zombie...
bzzbt 2 years ago
wow. you're such a douche
zomgnoez 1 year ago
@896367453
How about we kill all women who aren't thin and curvy and sexy, teach them how to shut up and cook you dinner. Then you can come home every day to a half-naked 20 year old blonde who only talks when asked to with a 5 star meal on the table for you. When she turns 28 she takes fertility treatment, pops out a couple kids, then shes killed while you get a brand new 20 year old wife. Oh, and don't worry about the kids, they'll be at a 24 hour day care 365 days a year.
I'm a genious.
LikeWtfItsSarah 1 year ago
@LikeWtfItsSarah gosh....are you interested? ahaha lol
benzieproductions 1 year ago
Yeah, Of course. Even though Woman are just as capable as men and many have careers. Do Men always pay for that other mouth? No. My Mom never had Any help from my Pa. If we didn't give birth, What about the next generation? Think about it, fool. PS - Next time you try to sound intelligent, spell "clothes" correctly.
DudedPoint 2 years ago 2
Obviously I made a typo.
And most women that work are either young, single, or because of the father is too lazy to do things.
My father wasn't around either. My mother lives off of damn Welfare checks. I'm the only one that works in the house. I'm 17, I should be out, but, no. I don't wanna be my father.
PS - I wasn't trying to sound intelligent; it's how I type, and speak.
896367453 2 years ago
my god i don't like the way media generally mystifies sex, its something than can be done entirely by instinct and is always fucking amazing when under the reigns of intuition and feeling
wtfisthisification 2 years ago 4
pmfsl
smokey240386 2 years ago
Cosmo is only for women who don't have the natural instinct to do anything other than lay there like a dead animal.
SMiLEReconstruction 2 years ago 5
@SMiLEReconstruction yea i never find it necessary to read
ismaelsbaby 2 years ago
"Suck his dick, play with his balls, fix him a sandwich, and don't talk so much." - Dave Chappelle
ThePsychoReturns 2 years ago 14
"Food, sex, silence: feed me, fuck me, shut the fuck up!"
- Chris Rock
jp3813 2 years ago 4
I love that bit at the end, it's so true. Men have turn-ons that stay the same whereas women change every five minutes lol.
Rinon20 2 years ago 7
i think that joke was that cosmo is more concerned with telling women how to make men happy than with telling women how to make themselves happy. that's pretty much every single article they've ever written
cthorste 2 years ago 10
LMAO
I volunteer for the study! xD
Its so sad how many people see articles from the onion and act all serious about it. its SATIRE! A JOKE!
As in "Ha, ha, ha"
Psychentist 2 years ago
cosmo<3..LOL
mashmellow543 2 years ago
1,250,444 ways to please your man hahaha
Chris123TV 2 years ago
In every issue Cosmo discovers 50 entirely newly invented tricks to pull in bed
Gnickk 2 years ago 6
that woman has shit off so much weight it's unbelievable
SolidSnakeRules 2 years ago 3
This has been flagged as spam show
not the best episode, but still, put this on the tv, take the "news" off, onion for president. check out my songs and rants, im solid, show some love
EdenTheoryRocks 2 years ago
Oooh. Rachel Steinberg is tres HOT (!)
greenrate 2 years ago
shit yourself thin!!! my new diet
mossivy72 2 years ago 11
you know, you actually do. right befor you go to the bathroom, mesure your belly, then do the same thing after
Bablet16 2 years ago
Wow, you guys really hit the nail on the head with this one. Most people DO focus on male sexuality, but sadly even some women don't know about their own sexuality. I remember once in High School, I was talking to some people, and told them that I've seen a woman masturbate (which I have), and was onto the notion that women could feel sexual pleasure. They lied when they said they tried it, but later on I found out I was right on. So, their loss I guess.
BishounenNerd 2 years ago 5
Yeah, I've seen a women masturbate(which I have), too.
YagLana 2 years ago 5
I remember, once.....at band camp..... sorry, I just couldn't resist.
cf80to01 2 years ago 5
I also don't understand this focus on male pleasure. It doesn't take much for a guy to get his rocks off. We should be studying the other way around.
323guiltyspark 2 years ago 7
Yeah, that's true, people understand so little about female pleasure unless they look for it. I remember this girl in High School who told me that if I spin my tounge in a counter-clockwise motion while I'm eating her out, it drives women mad. Actually, that's a pleasure technique that even I don't see mentioned often. Go ahead and try it yourself if you have a GF, or if you're a girl, have your BF do that or try it with your fingers. I just hope YouTube doesn't deem this comment inappropriate.
BishounenNerd 2 years ago 7
Definitely sfw. Childish advertisement of limited sexual experience only puts you on the fast track to embarrassment and ending up like Seexybabbii. Part of the joke lies in the idea of "push-button" or "calculated" sex, and your "technique" is as generalizing as it is generic. You already know female pleasure is more complex than a male's- why not act the part?
DJDocHolliday 2 years ago 2
I didn't realize that... Thanks for opening my eyes, I probably never would have realized what I just said if you hadn't called me out for it.
BishounenNerd 2 years ago
@BishounenNerd thats a very appropriate comment and its nice to see that guys are concerned about female pleasure
ismaelsbaby 2 years ago
What kind of guy isn't concerned about female pleasure?
alexfanx 2 years ago
@alexfanx my boyfriend's concerned bout mine but probably not a bunch of morons on youtube
ismaelsbaby 2 years ago
Well, I hope to God those morons aren't getting laid, but they probably are and I'm not :(
alexfanx 2 years ago
i don't even get what that remark meant. an attractive sex psychologist would have to be a prostitute?
mariopot789 2 years ago
Why would a sex psychologist have to be sexually attractive?
alexfanx 2 years ago
i didn't say they had to be sexually attractive. i just noticed most sex psychologist are not very attractive people. an observation, nothing more.
mariopot789 2 years ago
@mariopot789 lol that makes no sense. She can just happen to be attractive.
ismaelsbaby 2 years ago
This has been flagged as spam show
oyu are an interesting person...why do you respond to everyone who makes a post and what does you response to me even mean? what about sex psychologist typically being unattractive ( and due to the number of thumbs ups i must not be the only one who feels that way) doesn't make sense? if you mean the prostitute thing that was a response to alexfanx .
mariopot789 2 years ago
@alexfanx well u obviously deserve it more than they do :)
ismaelsbaby 2 years ago
@BishounenNerd i know mine and I let my bf know hehe
ismaelsbaby 2 years ago
what man can say they didnt just press their lower back lol
aaronl22 2 years ago 2
The only difference between the Onion and Faux news, is that most people know the Onion is satire, and and they get a kick out of it, unlike faux news which people actually take seriously.
gilgamesh1962 2 years ago 9
This has been flagged as spam show
too bad it's Fox and not Faux.
lyjanedia 2 years ago
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Wiktionary,
Faux (pronounced /ˈfoʊ/, like "foe") is a French word for false or fake. It is often used in English phrases such as faux pearls, and faux fur.
No mistake Lyjanedia, I meant faux because that is what fox news is.
gilgamesh1962 2 years ago
I feel quite inspired by the handicapable person's achievement at the end of the video.
AvsJoe 2 years ago 3
handicapable..? you mean... handicapped?
lyjanedia 2 years ago
Actually the politically correct term is now handicapable. Don't know why they changed it.
AvsJoe 2 years ago
Handicapable is for when they have a handicap but can still take care of themselves, like a deaf person or something.
Psychentist 2 years ago
@AvsJoe politcally correct shit is annoying.
ismaelsbaby 2 years ago
Not PC if it accurately describes a condition. I'm handicapable, but never heard that term, until today. Not a term I'd use, much cuz I'd have to explain it all the time.
westkan 1 year ago
I get it, hadi-capable INSTEAD of handicapped, sweet XD
nicholaxxx 2 years ago
Way # 1- shut the fuck up
metalisbetter1o00 2 years ago 6
"ten tips to remaining still and quiet in the presence of men"
sledge117 2 years ago 16
@sledge117 how bout ten tips to shut ur misogynistic piehole? One of them being getting sat on with pussy filling ur face.
ismaelsbaby 2 years ago
@sledge117 oh sorry i thought u really meant that i didnt see it in the video
ismaelsbaby 2 years ago
lol it's fine, i'm a female by the way so definately not a misogynist :) I would've said the same thing tho haha
sledge117 2 years ago
@sledge117 lol glad you understand. Dudes on the internet are starting to piss me off.
ismaelsbaby 2 years ago
yea..this vid is meaningless to hetero-sexual males..just when the guy gave the suggestion that i wanted to hear in the end, the ladies laughed at him and the vid ended :( lol
luvdemladies 2 years ago 5
Did anyone else notice that, on the notes on the clipboard, the word "his" is misspelled in the line, "Just play with is balls?" LOL
TheSaintOfPain 2 years ago 5
I liked that one. The beginning "shit yourself thin" was so funny I shit myself. And the ending was also funny.
FreeReery 2 years ago
"Shit Yourself Thin" i want that book. it sounds cool!!! =D
winofish 2 years ago
isn't that commonly known as bulemia nervosa? ;O
Clearie552 2 years ago
I want to be a respondent, please! LMAO!
gpaggoopio 2 years ago