Demetri Martin - If I 1 of 6

[sameram92]

this is like smart people comedy.

[MrCombatarms5]

it dont work



[MrTampwn327]

this is like a really awesome pbs nova special. and yes im fucking high

[TheHouseOffice]

I'M GOING TO SEE HIM THIS TUESDAY!!! =D

Will SURELY be the best day of my lifetime.

[CroCoperson1]

luls 646-765-6495

[aneroph]

Oh, he's in the EU. No wonder no one is laughing. They only like prop comedy and site gags. They don't enjoy thinking when they want to laugh.

[Darkez982]

@aneroph

Really, no one is laughing?

[SomeoneLovesMango]

@aneroph "From the country that brought you Carrot Top comes..." Yeah, sweeping generalizations are rarely accurate.

[Brevenge92]

@aneroph Carrot top dude? Don't be a cunt.

[deadmanwalking99]

6467656495

[deadmanwalking99]

I'm calling the number now :D

[IamyoursandwitchXD]

he looks like Oli Sykes

[simonorwell]

serious question, does it get funnier in the other parts?

[49redskies]

they really didn't need to block the number, he didn't mention any area code :P

[joyseyboy]

look at his nose, he's been telling some lies lately.

[belladonnamay]

Just saw him today! So good!

[SweatyBunghole2468]

Do they still play this show? Comedy hasn't had it in forever

[SweatyBunghole2468]

@SweatyBunghole2468 ***comedy central

[LinkinParkLPKid]

Fuck Tosh.0 Demetri Martins way better

[greenday4u]

can you thumbs up this please, I know part 1 was taken down, you guys dont need to keep telling me

[iamnathanwyatt]

@greenday4u oops sorry

[darkdudironaji]

I was just like him in school...FUUUUUUUUUUU** if I would have done my homework I could have gone to Yale.

[tamversuschris]

Do you think that's he's friends real phone number, you could easily figure it out by loooking at the letters on the keypad.

[AnuxeL]

I listen to a well-spoken intellectual like this man (along with reading the comments of the people who comprehend and appreciate Demetri's material) and it just puts me in a good mood. Then I listen to one of Bo Burnham's corny, awkward, and perverted raps and I think "Who the hell is this hack?" Then I hear people praise him for making an hour-long gay joke.

I feel sorry for people who can't appreciate this form of comedy.

If you think Katt Williams is funny, you're fucking lame.

[n64p3]

@AnuxeL both forms of comedy are valid in their own way. You obviously haven't looked at any of bo's lyrics because most of them are quite deep and clever

[AnuxeL]

@n64p3 I have.

I definitely wouldn't use the word "most."

[stalkingcat123]

@AnuxeL some people have a wider sense of humor, i think katt williams is hilarious just like i think demetri is. for me i guess its all the delivery of the joke i dont find bo funny in the slightest

[darkdudironaji]

@AnuxeL Bo is a very smart dude too. He got into NYU, which is where Demitri went for law school after he graduated from Yale.

[theb7000]

i've came here to watch this so much

[TheNarcMan]

Is this the show he did in the U.K that he was ashamed of because he thought he bombed and the first few times he saw in on YouTube he tried to get it taken down? What the fuck was he thinking? This show's great.

[bitingthetruantpen]

wtf re: the hair situation happening here.

[TheHouseOffice]

Demetri, you need to come out with some new shit, Stat!

:( I miss you.

[isawthemlive]

i hate to say this because i love demitri martin, but i was really bored watching this..

[stringnerd]

Damn, this guy is a genius. watched the whole thing, i'm amazed

[LoveIsHarrysWeapon]

@ProudMCRmysolider how did you get it? I got a sum of 1.25 pounds

[LoveIsHarrysWeapon]

Half the whole crab =.25 pounds

Whole half crab = 1 pound

[amandaearlmail]

awww i wish i could be his girlfriend. handsome, funny, smart...what else could i wish for?! <3

[greenday4u]

ok guys, i know now that it was taken down

[JomandTerry23]

Demetri Martin: The Comedian for the Intelligent

[TheEpicOtaku]

Your palindrome link is broken.

[ProudMCRmySoldier]

Half of the whole crab= .275 pounds

Whole of the half crab= 1.5 pounds

I'm NERDY. and it DOES NOT TAKE A WHOLE SATURDAY!

[DantheManO36O]

sometimes when I look at a donut it looks like a 0, its like its saying this is how many of me you should eat, but then a bunch of other times you see donuts in a row, and it looks like it says "OOOOOOOOOOOO" eat all of us, then I do and then there's one left, that says "O", not cool fatty.

[wow5heyy]

This series seriously changed the way i view things and helped shape my philosophical thoughts when i saw it a few years back. since then i have loved Demetri Martin. i watch these every once and a while now, to remind myself of the big influence it has had on the person i am today

[Orangemongoose1]

That's it, I'm naming my first son "Demetri"

[susan22]

ehm.... does anybody else feel like this is kind of a self-glorifying ramble of thoughts he had when he couldn't sleep? Maybe he should stick to economical jokes...... at least he better for the gig I have tickets to in 2 days!

[suzsiz]

I wonder what his IQ is. It must be pretty high conciderating he is doing a mensa puzzle book

[connasey]

I watched this yesterday tripping balls on acid. It actually blew my mind. Then my mind grew back stronger and I wrote a book in one night. Thanks Demetri ltqm.

[Mgopro]

@connasey What's it about? How long is it? Can I read it?

[connasey]

@Mgopro admittedly it was a weird pattern repetition philosophical acid ramble that only i could tolerate - think russian dolls going ouro boros string theory chaos fractals shroedingers cat jokes, holy fuck, I'm actually embarassed to say it. Now I'm about to write a real story with people in it that's entirely true and still in the process of being lived through. It's about prostituting yourself to a lifestyle and selling your soul just to escape. Culture. Madness. Asylum. Love.

[connasey]

@Mgopro It's about me fighting my way out of stepford and back to real love. real character. Friend me on FB im looking for peer reviewers as it gets written! jazzambam connasey

[spartanjades]

@connasey No really... If I watched this on mushrooms, I'd be sat in the darkest corner of my room shivering.... Your brave!

[Crazytrainrocker]

This is actually pretty philosophical.

[Nearsification]

Does anyone have the back round sound that plays when he talks about the nerds bible? Anyone have the name? Or a way to listen to it without demetri?

[shredpixer]

He's lame

[zwilson17]

@shredpixer You have a single digit IQ

[shredpixer]

@zwilson17 Its because I've been watching this guy's so-called stand up probably.

[bareakon]

@shredpixer You mean your IQ used to be LESS than single digits??

How is that even possible?

You're truly a wonder of nature...

[zwilson17]

@shredpixer You have a single digit IQ

[Konozz2]

I think he just called Americans fat... any way still one of my favorites

[taylor22222222]

I am so glad I am not alone with the phone numbers thing!! I can never forget phone numbers because I turn it into equations :D

[perdew129]

Is it sad that I can compare so much of my life to his?

[greenday4u]

part 2 has like 1,000,00 more views?? who the hell skips part 1??

[TheLilplayr7]

@greenday4u its because part one was tooken down

[smilininthe3rd]

@greenday4u

Part 1 got taken down briefly.

[tbarron95]

@greenday4u this was re-uploaded

[HelpfulJjam]

@greenday4u part 2 was uploaded in 2007. this was uploaded in 2008

[Tyman103]

@greenday4u

If you read the info, or look at the upload dates, the person who posted this video had to take it down and re-upload it for some reason. Part 2 was posted back in 2007.

[diva0217]

@greenday4u He mentions that in his comment. He wasn't able to get it back up for awhile.

[amandaearlmail]

@greenday4u because part one was put up in 2008 and part 2 was put up in 2007...

[CrazyDave408]

@greenday4u You can see in the description that this video got taken down at some time. Then, if you look at part 2, it was uploaded around six months before this one (because it got taken down).

Just saying. No one in the right mind would skip Demetri Martin if they had the choice.

[barwyatt77]

@greenday4u he had to put it BACK up

[spacecarb]

sorta clever not that funny though

[supagreencake]

@spacecarb ikr

[chAOStoob]

@spacecarb i dont think its intended to be stand up routine..

[summerchick61]

he always brings the LOLs

[Londale0032]

Dœd9frdddrrdrrrrd4

[paranoiaagent7]

He is way to smart to be doing comedy.

[YourFantasyForLife]

did he take the NZT pill from limitless?

[Bowenarro111]

@YourFantasyForLife haha probably

[mdodt16]

i have never seen someone put so much thought into their jokes!!!

[SunShineeZebra]

..Didn't he misspell "diarrhea"? o.O

[TheBurkissWay]

@SunShineeZebra This is from a UK comedy festival performance. Brits spell it that way. Or in that direction. Anyhow, it definitely has an 'o' there.

[rageboyRM]

@TheBurkissWay This is not only a comedy festival performance, but it is also his first televised lecture.

[jtlebout]

Yale undergrad and accepted to Harvard law... damn.

[fmeitsconnor]

He's so amazing.

[ElementalSages]

guys, the whole of the half crab weighs a pound, while the half of the whole crab weighs a quarter of a pound. You're welcome

[AcousticDude17]

the donut thing is so true

[ProudMCRmySoldier]

...

Do you have a poncho? 

[alexlee253101]

psychologist and philosophers got nothin on this guy!!!

[casionics]

The crab answer is actually 1 and 1/8th of a pound.

[AdrielVelazquez]

191 people didn't know how much the crabs weighed.

[95spudbuddy95]

Has Demetri met Colin Singleton

[nightcrawler55]

haha 'mensa' means a dumb female person in spanish XD

[nightcrawler55]

just sayin.. u misspelled the word 'than' in the description

[DJAshian]

The half of a whole crab and the whole half crab weigh one crab.

[EHsoccer12]

I finished watching part 6, then immediately started watching it again.

[undisputed4life]

There is a poll on Comedy Network's website on the best musical stand up comedian. The winner's special will air on Saturday. I hope he wins!

[pbertehpwnz0r]

lol mojo is so right - fuck you communist socialist obama loving piece of worthless shit - GO BUSH

[mojo600]

@iwilleatyourinsanity pretty sure the statement "you can like both, you just wouldn't understand comedy" sure as fuck suggested his/her opinion of comedy is the only correct one. Read the whole section before posting you fuckin melon head lol btw I hate hummer Drivin juice monkeys too... almost as much as I hate arrogant knowitall hipsters

[mojo600]

@thisismynewvoice stfu you smartass hipster faggot tryin to tell people yur opinion of comedy is the only correct one, go drive your hybrid off a cliff

[IWillEatYourInsanity]

@mojo600 stfu you anti-hipster "oh if i say this shit people will think i'm cool" homophobic asshole. why doesn't he/she have a right to voice their opinion? he/she never said it was the only correct comedy, but merely announced his hatred for Dane Cook. go be an asshole on the road with your hummer, if you can afford the gas, that is...

[fanuvgod1]

hmm. Steve Jobs does stand-up...

[sleazebee]

ihop upside down is dohi

[sktrbypro77x6]

important things with demetri martin on my channel :D

[DarkhalfBreed]

hey he drinks the same beer that AVGN drinks

[TheMinor2major]

Oh. Not cool, fatty

[Nearsification]

He needs a ted talk.

[TheMrTrapatony]

i would like to read "i am smart how can i prove it 5"

[dieall37]

I love Dane Cook, but this guy is still hilarious.

[VerucaBucket]

It's so disheartening....every time I try to show this to my friends, they stop after part 1, out of 'boredom.' ......They're apparently not worthy of his greatness.

[lllsadlkjkvsldvkjbbS]

time to attempt to be funny by saying something about 185 people

[jmtstud]

why does part two have more views then one?

[WizardPlayHD]

I'm an American, always have been. But for some reason, everything BBC puts out, it's completely superior.

[sphoney]

@WizardPlayHD Makes me proud that so many people all over the world say that. It's not what you'd expect from "state television," somehow (hardly North Korea), and a lot of people here resent paying the license fee, but in almost every way it has more freedom than the other channels.

It doesn't -have- to pull in audience demographics to attract advertisers. In my opinion that freedom forces the other channels to raise the bar, and can explore ideas they later exploit (which is also good).

<3 BBC

[SamusMaXximus]

@WizardPlayHD Agreed. Doctor Who FTW.

[RatherLargeBoots]

@SamusMaXximus Hell yeah DW

[1234tche]

@WizardPlayHD i think thatits because the bbc has a much much larger budget than any american news network. 

[balmeteal]

@WizardPlayHD but demetri martin started out on comedy central.

[mcrxloverx608]

Demetri seriously deserves more credit. This show is so incredibly thought-provoking and meaningful, yet can still entertain you and make you laugh. That's a feat difficult to accomplish.

[are693]

Am I the only one that thinks that this is one of the best comedy specials to watch while high.

[MrVoiceomatic]

this was not funny at all. quite boring. he has much better jokes.

[Beyond82094]

@MrVoiceomatic he said that it was not ment to be as funny as a comedy routine

[LedZeppelin0357]

The audience pisses me off so much.. This is one funny dude.

[RFinkle2]

Man, seems like a tough crowd.

[ALEXOVNI]

Christ on a bike. I am in love with this man.

[16cheezwhiz]

ARE YOU GUYS KIDDING ME? WHAT OTHER STUFF BEATS THIS? HE IS A GENIUS AND IT TAKES SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS COMEDY TO FIND THIS amazing

[junkbot66]

Frankly, this is some of his not-so-funny work. Meh.

[OnlyIfBubblesCanRun]

I think your dyslexic...

[onforjack]

Kameron Schmid: Homes rack mind

[ClareT994]

ha a little ocd, I wouldn't have guessed

[contxtuall]

82 people like the comment "176 people like dane cook"

[mudkipman802]

Out of the 1.5 million people who watched this, only about 996 thousand people finished Demetri Martin's "If I". There are 996 thousand intellectuals in the world!

[aha45]

Not his best material.

[TheImpromptuChef]

This is the most self-righteous bullsh*t I've ever seen.

[chrisIZdaName]

"OoooOoo eat all of us"

lol

[Pri03]

what's up with the audience?

[TitanHawk1]

i wanted more charts

[orwellianson]

Why is the audio off in some bits?

[cookieicxc]

@orwellianson If you mean during the telephone number parts, it's so his friends don't kill him for giving out their phone numbers to the world LOL

[orwellianson]

@cookieicxc Makes sense now... thank you!

[DCshoes102]

IF I watch this again I would have wasted another 4 mins of my life.

[mudkipman802]

181 people live an unexamined life, man.

[SuperDeadpuddle]

He looks like Ray Romano. Really funny dude lol. GO DEMETRI!!

[MCJay2daSun]

@SuperDeadpuddle haha true. but thank god he doesn't sound like him lol

[nikoincroatia]

I'm a little bored

[AcousticLeader]

i found this slightly difficult to masturbate to

[Danielsroth460]

@AcousticLeader I didn't.

[jeffskid96]

i want that shirt

[acdc374]

"Car phone warehouse. Ah, one sour crap wee.

[ReiddityReidReid]

I shall marry someone like him. Demetri is so intelligent! And really funny, in my humble opinion.

[BrennaBOOM]

google -> "if i" -> i'm feeling lucky

this is how i got here.

[cookieicxc]

@BrennaBOOM Haha that's pretty sweet!

[p3destrian]

he's good

[ToastBagelAndJelly]

Sex and cats... Yeah he's definitely Greek ^^

[hannahmontanasux123]

this man is a genius

[juALtProductions]

you know, his jokes weren't hilarious rofl status, but this is probably the most interesting thing i've ever watched. anyone who takes their train of thought off the rails and starts flying, gets my approval immediately. nobody likes thinking anymore. that's why technology is being built to simplify, so that we don't need to think so much. because of this, people like Demetri are a rarity we cant let go of.

[miguelr246]

@juALtProductions the hell r u talking about? I don't think he thinks as much as you say he does. I mean he just points out the obvious. Granted that's funny as sh!t and probably takes lots of effort but, still. Plus you sort of make it sound like nobody thinks anymore and everyone's gotten stupid. Everyone still thinks and imagines, just not everyone is as funny as him : )

[OldSlimey]

@miguelr246 He's literally a genius.  ...man

[miguelr246]

@OldSlimey He's is more than that. He is a funny genius.

[juALtProductions]

@miguelr246 yeah people still think and imagine, but most of our generation prefer not to think, or imagine, but to have a television screen take care of all that for them. and shun anything that challenges common knowledge or popular concensus. that's why The Hills and The Kardashians get the highest ratings, it's easier on the brain to know that you can be famous, rich, AND dribblingly stupid all at the same time. it's the new mentality. Demetri Martin is challenging it, that's why i like him

[miguelr246]

@juALtProductions Still i dont think you should be hard or judgmental on people who may not like him, or that may like other shows like the ones you described. Because it doesn't mean that if you like demitri:your smart or if you like the hills:your stupid. Plus not thinking as much isn't a bad thing like you might think. Isn't that why we make technology or advancements in life: to make our lives easier and not have to be complicated? Still ur right he is a smart man.

[juALtProductions]

@miguelr246 well this is me being a conspiracist, i think that the simplification of technology is mainly so that we don't have to think about our technology anymore, until we just stop thinking about it at all and let the companies do the thinking for us, therefore giving them leverage to make up whatever they want to tell us about our technology and what we should buy because we can't figure it out for ourselves anymore and we just blindly follow their lead.

[juALtProductions]

@juALtProductions therefore im completely against the simplification of technology. ADVANCEMENT im totally for, but everything Apple has been doing since the iPod Touch has been absolutely lucrative and i've hated every last bit of their latest equipment. i believe we should be figuring out our technology for ourselves, it's bad for the companies in this economy, but i care more about the people than the companies when it comes to the economy.

[miguelr246]

@juALtProductions wow, i dont want to be disrespectful (cuz i dont have anything against you personally) but ur kinda sounding like a hippie. Dont act like corporations are demons trying to control us. Plus ppl arnt dumb. No human will let him self be 100% controlled. I think we know wat we're doing.Plus its not dumb to be simpler. In fact it could be very smart. Its more iffeciant to be simple.

[juALtProductions]

@miguelr246

conspiracist, dude. i mean seriously, dude. i mean, duuuude......

uhhhhh.... and, that's about it, i guess....

oh, yeah! and, if you look up the story of The Jonestown Massacre, you'll learn about this entire group of people who allowed themselves to become 100% controlled, by some guy named Jim Jones. just some guy. one day he told them all that it was time for everyone to commit suicide. and so they did. everyone started chugging down tanks of cyanide-flavored kool-aid.

peace, yo

[miguelr246]

@juALtProductions well....those were impressionable idiots and they certainly dont speak for the whole human race

[ThePinkwafflecakes]

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