Mass Effect 2 - Unused Citadel Groundskeeper Dialogue

[DahPurpleHippo]

Funny bumps

[Solidus1086]

Its strange that there are no female turians or krogan anywhere in the first 2 games.

I get the lack of female salarians because of their population and culture but there should be plenty of infertile female krogan bounty hunters and turian chicks running around.

[Loethlin]

0:52

Techno Turian begs to differ.

[Ryagful]

Antimatter alcohol!

[ARavingLooony]

but i love funny bumps

[9879novo]

haha funny bumps

[wonderkabuse]

Damn us women and our funny bumps.

Always creeping out our local turians.

[delta5297]

lol @ "funny bumps". That just breaks suspension of disbelief.

[skegpit]

I like the funny bumps.

[sErgEantaEgis12]

This is so hilarious!

[HapplyFace]

"Funny bumps that get in the way" XD <3 u Bioware

[mikeburnfire]

Funny bumps! 0:43

[AnonJaxun]

That's awesome dialogue!

[DarthVader807]

Bumps....

[transitline]

LMAO oh my god i knew i loved this groundskeeper for a reason, they really should've kept that in. all of it. ALL OF ITTTTTTTTTT

[ZeroEnero]

Wow, Quarians drink 99% antimatter alcohol? And to think Tali would have been low on my list of the crew's drinking game winners.

[Akaryusan]

funny bumps psh try funny awesome squishy bumps :D

[PtolemyAFX]

In the first game there was a turian on Noveria called Lilihierax, and his friends called him Li. Maybe they thought this was too similar.

[didymos1120]

@PtolemyAFX I made up the Wilihierax name and deliberately based it on Li's. It's also a reference that great scotsman, Groundskeeper Willy.

[SinDawg030]

@didymos1120 YA USED ME SHEPARD! YA UUUSSSSED MEEEEE!!!!

[RealGateGuardian]

@didymos1120 *Scottish Accent* Willy: BONJOURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR­R YOU CHEESE SURRENDER MONKEYS! :D

[AlphaHawkP]

Funny bumps.

I love this groundskeeper 1000 times more now :3

[keshaz12]

MEME GOLD!

NO!

MEME DIAMONDS!

NO!

MEME EEZO!

[Bebopvrgn]

BOOBS!!!

[philip1201]

@Bebopvrgn MAMMARIES!!!

[Joshua5003]

Soo. . . Turian don't dance, but GETH do?

[OrionoftheStar]

*Anti-matter Alcohol*

Goddamn, I want to try that.

[Gwyogurt]

@OrionoftheStar Anti matter alcohol - its what humans refer to as the "charlie sheen" try it once and you will die. Your face will melt off.

[deathrooster14]

@Gwyogurt Try it and you would literaly explode like a nuclear bomb!

[crazy4sian]

@OrionoftheStar And wake up with an alcohol-induced hangover coma five months later.

[ArsArma]

this guy is such a... well is their a word for this?

[midaremidare]

@ArsArma Cloud-Cuckoo-Lander, using Tv-Tropes language? "Adorable" would propably cut it, too.

[timothypatricklarkin]

Maybe Bioware nixed it because they didn't want to suggest that Turnian females lacked "funny bumps". We've never seen a Turian female, so they didn't want to paint themselves into a box.

[pebbles1726]

@timothypatricklarkin I will be peeeved if they do. Turians are like Bird/Raptors so they wouldn't have boobs. Even Asari and Quarians are pushing it in my mind... but least they are mammalian.

[timothypatricklarkin]

@pebbles1726 It's a tough decision to make. If the female Turians look like Garrus with lipstick, they can't become a love interest.

[emoanimeducky]

@timothypatricklarkin

Actually in one of the Mass Effect comics, a female Turian is pictured. They are shown with smaller fringes and they do kind of look... they just have this female vibe about them. Look it up, I think I remember seeing a picture from the comic on Mass Effect wiki. 

[timothypatricklarkin]

@emoanimeducky You're right. The female Turian is monstrously ugly in the comic.

[lurconis666]

They probably censored it on the count of getting a certain rating.

[CenturysSamurai]

Ironic how he says turians dont dance... BUT HE'S THE TURIAN DANCING IN THE DANCE FLOOR!! xD

[keltonx117]

yep he is meme gold

and turians do not have tits? what a sad sad people

[ginnoveffect]

i soooo wish they had included all this. Just random hilarious characters you can talk to. 

[herronjm1]

Funny Bumps :D

[dcl32]

But turians do dance.

[jakedee010]

@dcl32 Yeah, and better than Humans too.

[dcl32]

@jakedee010 Haha, yeah I know. I'm seriously pretty jealous of the techno turian.

[OverStuffedTaco]

♫ In the back and in the front. My bumps they got you. ♫ She's got me spendin'♫

[MarzX1802]

Those bumps do get in the way lol

[JHERO317]

Funny!!

[CharmieKid]

I just realized what he meant by "Bumps"

[Chingophia]

i prefer to call them haha bumps

[hattrickster33]

lol is his face made out of bone???

[ButterKnife90]

But... The bumps... they're awesome!

[mgfan100]

Turian's don't dance? How about Garrus in his romance scene?

[AlRoderick]

@mgfan100 And he sucks at it, because he's never done it before but thinks it's what Shepard wants. Trying too hard.

[IbbyConCarne]

Those funny bumps just get in the way!

[enterprise0709]

yep.... this guy still hasn't reached puberty....

[enterprise0709]

@enterprise0709 same counts for Salarian, Krogan, volus, hanar, batarian.....

let's just say EVERY SINGLE ALIEN SPECIES OUT THERE!!! (except Asari, and quarian)

as a matter of fact, the only female i ever encountered in Mass Effect are either Human, Asari, of Quarian...

So in a way, with the exception of the Quarian all aliens are a single sex race!

[typoded]

@enterprise0709 except they all talk about the other gender (and if you look at the dark horse comics you can see female turians) but they just can't figure out how to depict them

[angelkouari]

@enterprise0709 that's not true! in a recent interview the lead director said that they tried to avoid introducing fem of other species because they would have to design new models for them, animation, clothes etc...the resources and time were invested in other areas instead. krogans have fem for sure (remember the female camp thing?), turians have as well (remember garrus' talk about the fight he had with one?), thane talks about his female wife so drells have too etc.

[ThatGhillieGuy]

of all the talk i hear about female Turians i've yet to have seen one

[crazyjkass]

It would be sad if this dialogue was removed because female turians do have funny bumps after all. :C

[OrionoftheStar]

Antimatter Alcohol!

Damn, I may be levo-amino, but I'd still drink that, just to say that I did.

Probably die, but who cares? Antimatter Alcohol.

[Beriorn]

Wait, they "get in the way"? They're not THAT big, he must have a strange understanding of how dancing works.

[TheLastArchdemon]

Turians are teh epic

[AZNcelly]

This is it. Female Turians don't have boobs. So quit drawing female turians with boobs! Unless they got plastic surgery!

[yubarta1]

@AZNcelly yeah female turians dont have boobs..... they instead have the oposite o.o

[crazyjkass]

@yubarta1 ...pecs?

[yubarta1]

@crazyjkass maybeh

[PinoyPogiman]

funny bumps? is he talkin bout the Rack or the ass?

[AZNcelly]

@PinoyPogiman The boobs.

[PinoyPogiman]

@AZNcelly ohh, then the Rack?

meh

[mightymuggin777]

DUDE... thats the redgaurds voice from the elder scrolls

[Alex06CoSonic]

Swell guy!

[MarkArandjus]

Turians don't dance? There's one Turian atl east one that does. Some call him...

TECHNOTURIAN!

[TheColombianOne]

Turians don't dance he says...needs to get out of the Presidium more often

[DirectorMoe]

I want females Bioware stop being lazy!!!!!

[Katakuna51]

Turians don't dance? Well, I saw one "dancing" on the VIP area of Afterlife... that and the Techno Turian. (damn catchy music)

[xcrazykiwi22x]

Watches Techno Turian................ 0.0

[sunfire421]

What do you have against titi's Citadel Groundskeeper

[DuskFalling]

Turians don't dance? Clearly he hasn't seen the Techno Turian yet ;)

[luvondarox]

@DuskFalling Techno Turian?

[ItamarO93]

@DuskFalling

He IS the techno turian!

[Dudin4tor]

@DuskFalling I think he IS Techno Turian, That would explain why this line wasn't included.

[hiimgod801]

They don't have "funny bumps because the are reptiles :P

Did I ruin the joke?

But then that begs the question as to what the hell are asari supposed to be exactly?

[CatMaster87932]

@hiimgod801 Actually, Turians are based off of birds.

[Pimpmastahanhduece]

@hiimgod801 asari? the blue women? i kinda think they evolved from like a starfish or some kind of echinoderm.

[Lunardivider24]

now that I think about it they never showed us a female Turian have they?

[89Sunbird]

@Lunardivider24 or a female krogan or female salarian

[auran5]

Turians don't ...dance?...LIES!!! TECHNO TURIAN!!!



[Dialgadude]

Quarians have "funny bumps" too, right?

[Themastercode1235]

Turian talking about funny bumps= Life complete.

[goldminer430]

Turian....woman don't... have boobs? *sobs*

[BiologicalClock]

@goldminer430 No, but they make up with it with their fringe and supportive waists.

[BassGosple]

XD FUNNY BUMBS

[BetaSolution]

That's right, you never do encounter any female Turians in Mass Effect. Just male ones.... Hmmmmmm.... Maybe Turians are like Dwarves? The females are indistinguishable from the males, except to other Turians.

[Noble6SPARTANB312]

The Quarians are the last people I'd expect to have made something as insane as "Antimatter Alcohol."  Stuff sounds like it'd kill.

[Pointburn]

@Noble6SPARTANB312 I'd try it :D

[ozoneocean]

Hehe, I like funny bumps ^_^

[TheChibiBuizel]

Techno Turian disliked this.

[EDDIEinWAR]

you humans are all racist!

[Sytheking]

This guy... should be the next spectre. He hsould.

[patrick5087]

we also haven't really seen what korgan women look like either, the only thing we do know is korgans have "a quad" so

[unclehappy1]

Shepard: "Turians don't dance? Wait... haven't I seen you somewhere before?"

Groundskeeper: "I... I have no idea what you're talking about..."

Thane: "He does look oddly familiar..."

Shepard: "Yeah..."

Groundskeeper: "Er- Nope, no fish on the presidium, sorry! Enjoy your stay on the Citadel, have a nice day human!"

Shepard (to Thane): "I could swear I've seen that guy somewhere... And for some reason I have this repetitive techno song stuck in my head."

[ACHASER56]

@unclehappy1

You just made my day. Thanks! ;)



[BiologicalClock]

@unclehappy1 Oh yeah, just assume that the groundskeeper is the techno turian. All turians look exactly the same anyway, right?

You humans are all racist.

[ZeeZarian]

Turians evolved from some sort of avian (bird-like) creature, so it's not surprising that their females wouldn't have any mammalian type breasts.

[ozoneocean]

@ZeeZarian I dunno, since it's all make believe stuff anyway and there's almost zero chance that any life anywhere else would ever look remotely like anything on earth, let alone human beings with crusty mask faces, I don't see why the designers wouldn't give them all funny bumps :(

[asherchuck]

so no tities on turian women? well i just lost excitement for going to palaven (turian homeworld) in ME3

[fartx211]

obviously this guy has never met Techno Turian

[naierer]

This makes me want to meet Garrus' sister and mother so bad!

[Chayraz2]

i think the best part of the citadel is my favourite store.

[motyeszz]

Ah yes, funny bumps, those round things asari, female humans and quarians have on their chests. We have dismissed that claim.

[TheCrunchEffect]

ME3 SPOILER: Shepard kills Harbinger by offering him a drink of anti-matter alcohol. Sir Isaac Newton would be proud.

[Matt561]

I guess now we know female Turians don't have breasts

[bladerj]

@Matt561 no other race should have it too....i mean asari are asexual why the hell they look femenine ?

[Matt561]

@bladerj To bare children I guess

[bladerj]

@Matt561 i doubt it, mass effect for all its alliens and worlds looks too much human and earth like, and assexual creatures generally splice into another,so...it wouldnt be something nice to see lol.

[Matt561]

@bladerj Asari need a partner, but the exchange is more mental then physical. There mono gendered not asexual.

Read the codex lol

[Matt561]

For real, funny bumps lol

[Haasth22]

Ah yes... Those "Funny Bumps" really always get in the way, don't they?

[DemocracyDefender]

I swear this is the same Turian that is in the "techno turian"

[EaiteFojdcee]

They also recorded and programmed Kaiden's gay romance in the first game, as well as stuff for Thane, Jacob and Garrus for the second.

They scrap a lot, unfortunately.

[NeoItoh]

... How close do you have to be dancing for a lady's 'funny bumps' to 'get in the way'?

[dontsmoke187]

funny bumps=boobz

[Markis2bi4]

Anti-matter alcohol... I bet it tastes like a mix of space, time, and blue berries!

[danitiwa]

WHY IS THIS NOT IN THE GAME BIOWARE, IS THERE A REASON?

[TheDeadImmortals]

That is..... pure win!

[ColeVecsion]

*slaps bioware uside the head* No! bad!

[Talgees4]

awsome

[2014jackal]

Listen to this with transcribe audio, hilarious!

"You'd be surprised how much a trade war Dakota was concerned here."

"They're at a Korean press to fuel."

"I think the distilled from Iraq anti-matter."

"Second of all a sorry have those for the boj that get nowhere."

LOL!

[GhostSnake]

Better than fish on the presidium

[woodledoodledoodle]

These are meme gold!

[Beriorn]

"Turians don't dance."

Yes they do, because the Groundkeeper and the Techno Turian are one and the same.

[Killarila]

its funny cause its related to the talking cats :D

[wtfboomlol1]

those bumps are so annoying!

[Lumberjack12321]

Now only if Groundskeeper Willy here had a Scottish Accent, then my life would be complete.

[sirgalabadass343]

They have those funny bumbs that get in the way...lol. Aren't Turians supposed to be geniuses or something? At least Garrus seemed intelligent.

[Apemopo]

wtf funny bumbs xD why the hell did this get cut? sure it's silly but it'd been a great random funny-thing-to-happen.

[Conchobhar]

Even some of the males have funny bumps.

>BIOWARE FANBASE

[Lisutbg]

@Conchobhar

LOL !!!

[PolytoneZebraGuy]

i just had a funny thought, maybe we've actually seen turian females a few times without knowing they're female xD

[theQuestion626]

damn straight he was gold! That guy is too funny! They definitely should've kept him. Hopefully they will have him in Mass Effect 3. Bioware, you evil geniuses!

[RomanticPessimist]

*dies laughing*

Why did you cut this guy, Bioware? He's hilarious!

[Tellmeimaninja]

@RomanticPessimist He's still in the game. Granted, they cut out all of this dialogue and left him with about five lines.

[MarzX1802]

Omg I just realized he's called Groundskeeper Willy XD

[Trinitrotoluo]

Antimatter alcohol... Wont it blow up creating the most powerful explosion on earth?

Not kidding look it up.

Well, look up antimatter.

[BoAScorpius]

His double voice makes my brain tickle.

[oiglane]

THESE FUNNY BUMPS! lol'd

[speed7exc]

ANTIMATTER ALCOHOL

[Marlockie]

I could see Christopher Walkens Voice Acting as a male Turian.... "you there... with the Googly eyes!"

[mysterio5005]

@Marlockie Thanks for making me spit out my tea, sir. I'm now going to imagine Christopher Walken as a Turian next time I do a playthrough

[Marlockie]

@mysterio5005 keeping people dehydrated since... 4 1/2 weeks.

[Miismu]

Willy for Mass Effect 3 squad member! (Just because it would be awesome to hear his rants on every situation.)

[ThatChubbyDude]

The omissions of these lines are just proof that ME3 will have turians with funny bumps.

[obligatoryobrigado]

TURIANS DONT DANCE

[obligatoryobrigado]

TURIANS DONT DANCE

[503leafy]

Don't dance huh? search Techno Turian

[Koualtrec]

this one might be female, he/she seems jaleous of the funny bumbs the others have

[RadimirWackytov]

Funny bumps... Heavy risk, but the prize...

[StrickenRecord]

Turians don't dance? Clearly this guy has never wandered the wards, turians can dance, and they dance DIVINELY.

[gamingcultist]

@StrickenRecord especially when they dance to "what is love"

[Venydar]

No dance? watch?v=jWYUiVfZo9k

[LogicHQ]

If only this had made it into the final cut of the game. I laughed my ass off for 30 minutes before I regained composure. This HAS to be in Mass Effect 3.

[keyoray]

Couldn't stop thinking about those funny bumps. Then a thought occurred to me as I was watching "Techno Turian" Are those funny bumps on top or bottom. Cause as I dance it's the ones on the bottom that lead to trouble......I think I'm thinking about this too much.

[eitkoml]

Yeah, we humans are pretty creative at making different ways to get drunk

[KMxHearts]

I guess Garrus thought my FemShep's funny bumps were weird too :D

[FreedomPLMarcin]

funny bombs? yeah, i like that name :P

anyway turians DO dance, search for Techno Turian!

background music is an old hit from 90'\s what is love

[Shaqstheman000]

Turian Stand-Up ftw.

[Kushrada]

Turian woman do not have funny bumps, that is why the reapers considered them...primitive.

[theQuestion626]

@Kushrada i think it's very interesting. Turians, being Avian in origin, shouldn't necessarily have boobs as we humans know them. Female quarians have them, and the asari i think are only presenting themselves as female humans to humans, and as female turians to turians etc etc. Remmeber that conversation at the bachelor party in the bar at Illium?