i just purchased your ebook and it has been an immense help having just finished a relationship with a Narc, lucky for me i saw the signs early in the piece but could not understand fully what was going on, with constant criticism on his part and trying to break my spirit I really started to feel so inadequate and feeling that perhaps it was all my fault, reading through your ebook there were a lot of AHA moments and helped me piece the puzzle, now on my way to recovery, thank you so much :-)
LOL! My soon to be ex husband acutally had us take a picture wearing crowns, with the royall look & all! Called our home a palace/mansion. Now, I don't exist to him, & it feels like Freedom! I will celebrate & help others.
Narcissism is just the human condition. Satan was the first Narcissist, he wanted to make himself God, that is the whole definition of narcissist, they put themselves in the place of God. The only way to overcome narcissistic tendencies is to die to self, daily. Sadly, the Narcissist does not, can not, and refuses to do this. They see nothing wrong with their behavior.
u know i kinda wonder why in the definition of narcissism they say that a child will develop narcissism if their needs were not met during childhood...it cant be all people right? i grew up in a very hostile and neglectful, and abusive environment and im not a narcissist...so what inside that person makes them turn this way? what is it that they lack?..love?
@patriciacarrasco you're absolutely correct.. not all abused people become narcissistic. How a person is treated as a child doesn't necessarily mean they will become a narcissist. I believe there are several factors, some of which I discuss in my book "Narcissistic Abuse Recovery - A Spiritual Approach", which will be available in three weeks. How the child responds inwardly to abuse and a lack of love is key, and I believe their relationship with the parent as the child develops is as well.
@patricia carrasco It is not so much outward abuse. I was also abused by my mom. I am not a narcissist. It's parents that usually act above it all. Do things for appearances sake. They treat you as an appendage of themselves and they either over value you or devalue you .There is no middle ground. They never really notice you exist with your own talents, wants and needs because it is all about them and your like an ornament when they need you and your disregarded when your of no use to them
I'm not making you do anything, but if you apply the principles in this ebook it will help you to heal if you've been in a narcissistic relationship. I've used them so I know they work. If you're the narcissist however, you need more than this ebook can provide so I recommend looking elsewhere..
I know.. sorry about that. I did it over two years ago with old software and I don't think I can redo it without losing my views and ranking. The worst of it is the link at the end which is shambhalaebooks(dot)com/recommends/nar in case that's what you're referring to.
I am narcissistic and I wish I could change.I think I am a good person and can be a great friend,unfortunately is something inside me makes me be this person what I know isnt good.I didn't have loving parents and my whole family always made fun of me senses I was a baby,cause I couldn't hear right,over weight,and dyslexic.I have no friends cause just looking at my eyes you can tell Im judging you, and I swear to GOD I try to control my thoughts and my body language. Its like living in hell.
I can relate to growing up in a dysfunctional family, I did too. Narcissistic behavior is often caused by mental and emotional trauma such as you experienced, but the good news is that you CAN change. The first step is to REALLY want it and to be willing to do what it takes.. and it sounds to me like you do. The next step is to ask for help, whether it be from the Universe, God, Angels, or some higher power that you believe in.. ask from a sincere heart and you will be answered.
At one point in my life I had Clinical Depression, PTSD, and was an addict. Now I am not. All of that happened because of my thinking and emotions, and those came from my childhood. I'm not saying the journey is necessarily easy, but I'm also not saying that it isn't. I've seen people healed from addiction literally overnight. I was healed from cancer overnight from prayer alone. And believe it or not, the thoughts and emotions that are causing your pain also hold the key to your freedom.
So then the first thing you do after you ask for help is to STOP identifying with being the person you believe yourself to be. You THINK you are that because of how you responded to your environment when you were a child.. but it's not who you are. Who and what you are is a Soul, a spiritual being having a physical experience. And the real reason this is happening to you is because YOU chose to come here and go through it so you could heal it! This is radical thinking I know.. but it's true.
Next, start to watch your thinking. Your habitual thinking and emotions creates your reality. When negative thoughts come up say "cancel" if necessary. The important thing to recognize is that it's nothing more than a negative program in your bio computer. And also.. after you ask for help watch for signs. God will lead you to what, and who, you need in order to heal.. Believe it's possible, stay determined, and it WILL happen. I absolutely guarantee it.
@RonaldBarone Dear RonaldBarone, you are a wonderful human. You are loving, pure and wonderful, do not make yourself down, believe me, narcissism is your inner contradictor, your shadow. Please watch my videos.
Thank you for your comment ipublica. The continued belief in the shadow self is what gives it it's power and keeps it alive. We are ALL beings of Light but we have forgotten who and what we are. So as a result, we are acting out our personal plays and dramas from a faulty premise. The good news is that we are here to end this cycle in human suffering and un-consciousness and every tool we need to do so is at our disposal if we choose to use them.
Narcissism is what your parents and family TRIED to make of you. Show them that they failed and that you are a much better person than them because you do not do as they do (or want you to do). You don't even respond to their evil torture anymore... assuming they still do that.... Oh, those kind never quit..... they are in a mire.... You do control yourself... :) the Universe is there to help you.
I think the reason why people become denial about the way they are being treated is because we expect the best from others when we are in a relationship. And when someone is very charming and yet extremely controlling right after it, our minds have a hard to believing that it is really happening to us.
There can be a variety of reasons why people stay in abusive relationships. I was in one with a narcissist many years ago and stayed in spite of horrible abuses because at that time I felt I deserved it. I also wanted to be with someone, and I wanted sex... so we tend to put on blinders when we have our own agenda. Some narcisistic people are also extremely adept at manipulating and lying (like my GF was) until we're so confused we feel like we're completely crazy and don't know what's real.
I had negative beliefs about myself from my childhood that hadn't been resolved at that point.. part of which was feeling that I didn't deserve to be treated well by women (I was sexually molested by my mother at 7). So by the Law of Attraction I "called in" a person who was an energetic match to me and who would trigger me. That in turn gave me the chance to look: within at why I had created such a relationship, so I did. In that way she "helped:" me to resolve a lot of issues.
that is scary. well you came out of it and that is what matters most. What do you think about this. How many years months or years does it take to get over someone who emotionally abuses someone else?
I think it depends on several factors, and the person. One is whether the person really wants to do it (some people like their victimhood and to stay in their stories). Another is whether or not they stay clear of the abuser, and, yet another is whether they have the tools and resources to help them. It took me six months to sort out what happened with my last girlfriend. Part of that was because I had to keep disconnecting the solar plex cord from her because she kept hooking in to me...
and part of it was because it took that long for me to sort out the manipulations and lies. I lost sight of what was true and what were lies because I bought in to her manipulation and began to doubt myself. She told me so often that I was wrong about things that happened (and about her) that I started to think I was crazy. So after we broke up I had to look back at all of the things that happened and sort it all out. By six months I was pretty clean and by eight or so I was basically done.
So the guy ive been dating on and off for many years is one then? i could tel you a hisory then you can tell me if he is or not. Those intrested in hearing about him please email me, thanks
hes always been controling, never apart of my worl seriously when it came to a monogonmous relationshiop he had stated he wanted, this goes way back and on and on, like a broekn record, he has never physically hit me to abuse me, but had intentionally hurt me beyond words can describe verbally, emotionally & mentally.
They weren't disciplined, no limits on his abuse of others, etc.
They were lavished with praise & internalized these messages of superiority.
The behavior was based on the parent's need to have a superior child, reflecting the superiority of the parent.
The child was also abused. They got both messages. Superior and Shit. (Such as a foul mouthed father that called his son "a__hole" "stupid" etc. While at the same time saying how wonderful he is at ....baseball....etc.)
The real cause of narcissism is actually not known and is still debated among psychologists. Sometimes a person who becomes narcissistic only received negative reinforcement and no praise whatsoever. I do believe that the way a child responds to how he or she is treated is an important factor. Suffice it to say however that they do learn somehow to become ruthlessly manipulative and from what I've seen most of them don't have any sense of remorse when they harm others.
Very true. As I said in an earlier post, my belief is that the root cause of narcissism stems from a child not having it's needs of nurturing, love and validation met. Some folks believe that narcissism has it's roots in the DNA.. but our parents, and subsequently our DNA are determined by what we came here to learn. In other words, we choose our parents and our situations because we need them to learn from and overcome. Christians will have a hard time with that.. but it's true.
I agree but it sometimes can take more than 6 months. I think when you start building a good support system then it gets better. being in a bad n abusive relationship has a negative effect on other aspects of ur life.
you know the problem is that abusive ppl never go to a good psychologist to have themselves evaluated and sometimes even a good psychologist cannot tell if a victim was abused. you'd think that they know it because they have a phd but they think ur just depressed.
It seems that anyone who is NPD or psychopathic who has a partner that describes abuse and resulting PTSD shifts the blame off themselves and onto their partner. Which proves the profound lack of empathy.
Partners of N's and P's dont go looking for abuse for the most part, but they find it in their pathological relationships, for the most part.
The sad part is, they dont recognize it as abuse until its far too late, precisely because the N's and P's are always shifting the blame.
This song is very beautiful, could you please tell me what it is and who is singing it? i must have heard when i was little because it sounds very familiar. thanks.
It is by Kaleah Laroche. She is the same woman who wrote the ebook after being married to a person who was a narcissistic. You can hear more of her music and purchase CD's on kaleah(dot)com.
I am a diagnosed NPD, and I am getting totally disturbed by all the 'negative' attention that we receive. Personally, if you guys LOVED yourself as WE LOVE ourself, there wouldn't be as much self esteem issues in the world. I could go on about my distaste as well as 'your alleged treatment of us also!. I am a human to and have those that I love dearly and do not abuse, it is you who cry out 'abuse'. Sadly as you 'accuse' us for legitimate faults you may have, you are not perfect as well.
You're right. NPs are extreme personality types, but they add to human colour. Only a very few NPs are so affected that they could be considered malignant or psychopathic. Egocentricity can drive achievement - the key is to realise when selfishness is NOT a good trait and not put NPs in those situations - just like you wouldn't put a pacifist in the marines.
In reality many Narcissists lack self esteem. If you love dearly and don't abuse I'd question your diagnosis. I do agree that sweeping generalizations shouldn't be made and nobody should judge all by the acts of some. I love an N and his abuse is absent minded, the result of putting himself first and not seeing beyond that most of the time unless a crisis has occurred.. I don't believe *all* N's lack empathy but definitely don't see the world in the same way a person without the disorder does.
Frustration and insecurity seem to fuel the need to label people. My father is an extreme NPD, but the older I get, the more I tend to discredit such diagnosis completely. Dad is a person, not a diagnosis. We need fewer labels, NOT more. Humans do tend to project their own flaws onto others, especially those who have inadvertantly hurt them somehow. People need to learn that labels dont help! I have had to learn this the hard way, by labeling, then losing, a dear friend recently.
We all know you're not a Narcissist, they would never admit to it or even recognize it in themselves, even if they read a book about it. They don't become disturbed by YouTUbe coments either. They cannot feel love for anyone. You cant just change the definition to suit your own personality. It is what it is, nomatter how much the definition doesn't suit your personality.
I think your just a sad person looking for his/her place in this world.
Oh "I" will admitt to being a diagnosed NPD, and "I" do respond to comment's or place comment's because it is upsetting to my heart and soul (oh was that empathic ... eek) since ALL people who discuss us do so as if we are ALL cut from the same cookie cutter... and someone NEEDS to dispell this theory or theories of us.
Sad yes, but not our problem. Best to keep well away and let them self destruct on their own. Narcissism is just one of many personality problems in the human race. One you don't have to be involved with. It comes down to choices and we all have them.
That is exactly what I am doing, just staying well away from him. He keeps trying to come up with LAME excuses to come back and get the things he DELIBERATLY left here, but I e-mailed him and said NOT without a police officer. He hurt me enough , I will not alow him to hurt me even more. Do I love him YES, I probably always will 16 years is a long time to love someone,but I will never allow him to come back into my life to hurt me again. And that is the sadist part of it all.
I am still in the messed up results of being married to a NARCISSISTIC husband. He has done nothing but get worse,after saing he wants a divorce. How can I make sure I never get involved with another narcissistic man again.
The only surefire way is to stop contact with them. If you think a person is narcissistic, keep well away. It's about control. You taking control of your life.
My bigist problem was he did not show the signs of being a narcissist when I met him, that is what I need to learn is how to spot them before they can deceive me.
You can't spot them in the streets but with your marriage experience, you'll pick up on a person having the personality disorder. It's trial and error. You know the traits. You'll pick them up. That's when you run.
Thank you. Wow all I know is I do not want to make that mistake again. It was a very painful lesson as just to how selfish,and hateful,and mean some people can be. I never want to live threw that again for the rest of my life.
I feel that way after experiencing what I allowed myself to put up with with her. She drained the life out of me, broke a promise and continuosly lied. She is void of any emotion, except to have a little sook if things don't go her way, but she gets over it. She does not know the meaning of love or loyalty. kind of sad really.
Yes it is sad. They use people who really love and care for them then discard us like an old pair of shoes. the sad part is, they will wind up all alone with no one who loves them, but THEMSELVES which will not bee to satisfying to them.
I think like stupid people should wear a sign saying I'M STUPID the narcissist should have to wear a sign saying I'm a NARCISSIST. That way you wuld not believe their pretty lies,and could avoid the hurt they bring into your life.
Thank you for the advice, I have been studying narcissiam to learn a lot more about it, in an attempt to spot it before, I get sucked into a relationship with another one again. I can not go threw that kind of pain again.
its a disorder however....they do not actually know how selfish and hateful they are being, for them 'normal' people are the ones destroying them.
It is difficult to help somebody with NPD, you recieve no gratification and progress is rarely ever made seeing as they think the world should change and not them.
but it is also hard to let go, as you know that if it isnt you, then nobody will be there for them.
I have noticed that about my soon to be X. Everyone else is to blame for the awful things HE does to people. It is always oh POOR ME, feel sorry for me, it is someone elses fault.
It is so very confusing, not knowing exactly WHAT to call them. I can not say X husband,even though he said he wants a divorce and moved out, because he has not gotten a divorce, but I refuse to say Husband, because he does not love me, does not live with me,and is not here for me. so I guess ESTRANGED is the only proper word, but even that does not seem right. I would like to just say X husband. What a mess hu?
yer..my ex whined like a girl. He hit his boss, got fired, came to me crying and threatening suicide and said to me 'I can't help thinking its your fault i'm in this position' Just a ploy to make me feel crap and help him. I didn't give him money, but my time. Suckered.
YEP, that is exactly the MO do things to mess their own lives, but whine around to everyone else,that it is ALL our fault for the messs they have made of their own lives, insted of taking responsabality for their OWN self distructive selfish ways.
I fell in love with a female narcissist. I last heard from her 2 week ago when I told her she needs professional help. She is in and out of relationships. All this time she said she wanted to be with me but never was and so I wonder if a N can have feelings for another but knows the outcome and truly does not want to hurt a person they 'care' about. She saved me from having a relationship with her.
Im an N as you put it. im working on my behavoir for a girl that i feel in love with. so yes she could change and i dont belive that she or anyone would say out of a relationship if its going well for the fear of it ending badly. but im not sure. If you really wanna know from someone that has this problem message me. i'll do my best to answer any question.
Yes this is what my estranged husband did. He would get in relationships sabatoge them,and try to blame it on his mother. Before I met him I had plenty of self esteem even with my dissabalities,but he did every thing he could to tear down my own self esteem, I did not know about narcissiam until after he moved out. I do not think the N feels any thing for anyone else, they just use you up. That is how I feel like he just used me up till I no longer served a purpose for him.
The damage a Narc does to those around them is enormous. If you know a Narc move away now. The state does nothing to identify and remove these wack jobs from society therefore move away.
To prove their superiority, they look down on anyone they don't fear. People who they see as inferiors provide proof of their own superiority. There lies the contradiction for the Narc. They hate the people they need the most. Imagine a King or Queen (narc)surrounded by their courtiers (inferiors). This is the relationship demanded of the Narc from their friends/family. It destroys them slowly! Children of N's suffer greatly. The N must be the center of attention. The child learns to keep quiet!
My parents are both narcs -- imagine the fucking horror! I also fell in love with not one but two of them . the second one I knew, but still! Gads, n'er again.
Thanks for telling us about the book. My new mgr definetely has NPD. It's all about her and she charms folks who are unaware. She thinks she's the best thing since fried eggs.
Hey I'm borderline personality disorder,but it was strictly because of 2 narcississtic parents toying with my mind,for 20 years that nearly destroyed me.The diffrence is I can keep myself in check a little better and try not to fall in that trap there in.
I used the term some so that people wouldn't think my statement was a blanket statement, I have some friends with BPD who are nice people but my mom and brother are borderlines and they are people who thrive on chaos. Sorry to offend you.
Its ok not offended one bit I like your honesty and yeah people like me can be a little rough too.The diffrence is we do know right from wrong a narcissist will never admit it and getting them to apologize is like bearing a dead horse.
I am an avid believer in things occurring in a spectrum, I believe that there may be narcissists and even sociopaths that really arent that bad, I also know (I am a psych major in college currently) that cluster B pd's overlap a lot so my mom and brother although meeting criteria for BPD and having severe traits, have traits of other PD's too. I mean people aren't labels, and my brother is NPD too so that may add to it. And in the case of the guilt with my family it is usually manipulative.
Spot on about Narcs never apologising: I suppose it's why they should have to apologise to an object. One thing they don't appear to like is for one to have the same disregard for them as they do for others.
No, they NEVER apologize because they're always right. They leave you when you call them out on their mistakes....like when they put you in such debt that even Obama's spending looks like pennies.
Yep, I finley called my husband of 15 years out on his abuse of my grown sons and myself,and he BUGGED out, the selfish coward. Now he is telling everyone that I MESSED him up. All I did was bring some sanity and love into his life. That he never had before me.
Exactly NEVER appoligizing. Insted they tell eveyone that it is YOUR fault for the horrable things that THEY are doing. My husband sodomized me,and said if I told the DR he would lie and tell them I did it to myself with a bottle. HORRABLE EVIL person.
Good grief...it is sad. My ex is doing that right now. Its almost like he adopted my life. He left France and came here to be with me and because he was so nuts I told him to leave. He got a flat 5 mins from me! He was sexually abusive as well. Your ex sounds sociopathic...
Exactly it is ALWAYS our fault for the horrable things they do to us. My X is telling his family it is all MY FAULT he is drinking, that he had to stay drunk to put up with me, but he is not living with me now,but still drinking. He did not start drinking until his Daddy ( WHO WAS A NO ACOUNT SHIFTLESS BUMM ) died, now it is all my fault he is drinking, NO WAY, I will not let anyone else blame me for what he is doing.
I think my estranged husband growing up in such a DISSFUNCTIONAL family is part and parcial whey he is the way he is. HIs mother put her first 2 daughters up for Adoption, when she married my husbands father. His father would leave,days,weeks,months ,years at a time,and every thime my husbands mother would take him back. So he grew up without knowing what fadality and true caring and loving is, Now is is all self engrossed in his own wants.
My ex gets supply from his mum. She did kind of warn me in a very round about way though. Still, makes me wonder what is up with his parents. They both were stupidly cryiical of him and at the same time, did nothing to show him consequences.
Darn.. I've tried four times to answer you and it keeps locking up so I'll just post a comment. She's a good friend of mine named Kaleah Laroche. You can find out more about her on her website at kaleahlaroche(dot)com if you'd like. She has a couple of CD's out with another coming soon I believe.
I bought both of her ebooks and was not disappointed. They were written in a straight forward, heart felt manner, and helped me get a toe hold. I also bought her MP3's for "cutting the chord" the N. holds over you. Also very helpful. Her work is useful right away if you are hurting badly. It's affordable, and I don't regret what I spent, but one of the MP3's music is too loud and can't hear her voice over it. Satisfied enough to not complain.
i just purchased your ebook and it has been an immense help having just finished a relationship with a Narc, lucky for me i saw the signs early in the piece but could not understand fully what was going on, with constant criticism on his part and trying to break my spirit I really started to feel so inadequate and feeling that perhaps it was all my fault, reading through your ebook there were a lot of AHA moments and helped me piece the puzzle, now on my way to recovery, thank you so much :-)
codoukas 9 months ago
LOL! My soon to be ex husband acutally had us take a picture wearing crowns, with the royall look & all! Called our home a palace/mansion. Now, I don't exist to him, & it feels like Freedom! I will celebrate & help others.
Mrsoriginal13 10 months ago
thank you for this.
somarvelis 1 year ago
i ordered this, and gave it a try. OH MY GOODNES....it is two weeks later and i am emotionally free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RecoveringMySoul 1 year ago
Narcissism is just the human condition. Satan was the first Narcissist, he wanted to make himself God, that is the whole definition of narcissist, they put themselves in the place of God. The only way to overcome narcissistic tendencies is to die to self, daily. Sadly, the Narcissist does not, can not, and refuses to do this. They see nothing wrong with their behavior.
AcaiBunch 1 year ago
u know i kinda wonder why in the definition of narcissism they say that a child will develop narcissism if their needs were not met during childhood...it cant be all people right? i grew up in a very hostile and neglectful, and abusive environment and im not a narcissist...so what inside that person makes them turn this way? what is it that they lack?..love?
patriciacarrasco 1 year ago
@patriciacarrasco you're absolutely correct.. not all abused people become narcissistic. How a person is treated as a child doesn't necessarily mean they will become a narcissist. I believe there are several factors, some of which I discuss in my book "Narcissistic Abuse Recovery - A Spiritual Approach", which will be available in three weeks. How the child responds inwardly to abuse and a lack of love is key, and I believe their relationship with the parent as the child develops is as well.
JMichaelChristi 1 year ago
@patricia carrasco It is not so much outward abuse. I was also abused by my mom. I am not a narcissist. It's parents that usually act above it all. Do things for appearances sake. They treat you as an appendage of themselves and they either over value you or devalue you .There is no middle ground. They never really notice you exist with your own talents, wants and needs because it is all about them and your like an ornament when they need you and your disregarded when your of no use to them
MsDezzyzRayz 1 year ago
Sounds like me : (
Posterkid317 1 year ago
I am trying to heal and you make me read?
edwardtang1977 2 years ago
I'm not making you do anything, but if you apply the principles in this ebook it will help you to heal if you've been in a narcissistic relationship. I've used them so I know they work. If you're the narcissist however, you need more than this ebook can provide so I recommend looking elsewhere..
JMichaelChristi 2 years ago
the text in this vid is almost not readable.
720logan 2 years ago
I know.. sorry about that. I did it over two years ago with old software and I don't think I can redo it without losing my views and ranking. The worst of it is the link at the end which is shambhalaebooks(dot)com/recommends/nar in case that's what you're referring to.
JMichaelChristi 2 years ago
I am narcissistic and I wish I could change.I think I am a good person and can be a great friend,unfortunately is something inside me makes me be this person what I know isnt good.I didn't have loving parents and my whole family always made fun of me senses I was a baby,cause I couldn't hear right,over weight,and dyslexic.I have no friends cause just looking at my eyes you can tell Im judging you, and I swear to GOD I try to control my thoughts and my body language. Its like living in hell.
RonaldBarone 2 years ago
Hi Ronald,
I can relate to growing up in a dysfunctional family, I did too. Narcissistic behavior is often caused by mental and emotional trauma such as you experienced, but the good news is that you CAN change. The first step is to REALLY want it and to be willing to do what it takes.. and it sounds to me like you do. The next step is to ask for help, whether it be from the Universe, God, Angels, or some higher power that you believe in.. ask from a sincere heart and you will be answered.
JMichaelChristi 2 years ago
At one point in my life I had Clinical Depression, PTSD, and was an addict. Now I am not. All of that happened because of my thinking and emotions, and those came from my childhood. I'm not saying the journey is necessarily easy, but I'm also not saying that it isn't. I've seen people healed from addiction literally overnight. I was healed from cancer overnight from prayer alone. And believe it or not, the thoughts and emotions that are causing your pain also hold the key to your freedom.
JMichaelChristi 2 years ago
So then the first thing you do after you ask for help is to STOP identifying with being the person you believe yourself to be. You THINK you are that because of how you responded to your environment when you were a child.. but it's not who you are. Who and what you are is a Soul, a spiritual being having a physical experience. And the real reason this is happening to you is because YOU chose to come here and go through it so you could heal it! This is radical thinking I know.. but it's true.
JMichaelChristi 2 years ago
Next, start to watch your thinking. Your habitual thinking and emotions creates your reality. When negative thoughts come up say "cancel" if necessary. The important thing to recognize is that it's nothing more than a negative program in your bio computer. And also.. after you ask for help watch for signs. God will lead you to what, and who, you need in order to heal.. Believe it's possible, stay determined, and it WILL happen. I absolutely guarantee it.
JMichaelChristi 2 years ago
@RonaldBarone Dear RonaldBarone, you are a wonderful human. You are loving, pure and wonderful, do not make yourself down, believe me, narcissism is your inner contradictor, your shadow. Please watch my videos.
All the best to you,
Pierre
ipublica 2 years ago
Thank you for your comment ipublica. The continued belief in the shadow self is what gives it it's power and keeps it alive. We are ALL beings of Light but we have forgotten who and what we are. So as a result, we are acting out our personal plays and dramas from a faulty premise. The good news is that we are here to end this cycle in human suffering and un-consciousness and every tool we need to do so is at our disposal if we choose to use them.
JMichaelChristi 2 years ago
Narcissism is what your parents and family TRIED to make of you. Show them that they failed and that you are a much better person than them because you do not do as they do (or want you to do). You don't even respond to their evil torture anymore... assuming they still do that.... Oh, those kind never quit..... they are in a mire.... You do control yourself... :) the Universe is there to help you.
HATS OFF TO YOU!!!
YOU'RE CHARMING!
HatRatt 2 years ago 2
Sometimes we rationalize our sufferings in the name of love when in reality there is no love between us and the narcissist.
your view of love is not always cannot instill the same feelings in an abnormal minded person.
sairaj1 2 years ago
I think the reason why people become denial about the way they are being treated is because we expect the best from others when we are in a relationship. And when someone is very charming and yet extremely controlling right after it, our minds have a hard to believing that it is really happening to us.
sairaj1 2 years ago
There can be a variety of reasons why people stay in abusive relationships. I was in one with a narcissist many years ago and stayed in spite of horrible abuses because at that time I felt I deserved it. I also wanted to be with someone, and I wanted sex... so we tend to put on blinders when we have our own agenda. Some narcisistic people are also extremely adept at manipulating and lying (like my GF was) until we're so confused we feel like we're completely crazy and don't know what's real.
JMichaelChristi 2 years ago
what do you mean you FELT that you deserved it?
sairaj1 2 years ago
Hi sairaj1,
I had negative beliefs about myself from my childhood that hadn't been resolved at that point.. part of which was feeling that I didn't deserve to be treated well by women (I was sexually molested by my mother at 7). So by the Law of Attraction I "called in" a person who was an energetic match to me and who would trigger me. That in turn gave me the chance to look: within at why I had created such a relationship, so I did. In that way she "helped:" me to resolve a lot of issues.
JMichaelChristi 2 years ago
that is scary. well you came out of it and that is what matters most. What do you think about this. How many years months or years does it take to get over someone who emotionally abuses someone else?
sairaj1 2 years ago
I think it depends on several factors, and the person. One is whether the person really wants to do it (some people like their victimhood and to stay in their stories). Another is whether or not they stay clear of the abuser, and, yet another is whether they have the tools and resources to help them. It took me six months to sort out what happened with my last girlfriend. Part of that was because I had to keep disconnecting the solar plex cord from her because she kept hooking in to me...
JMichaelChristi 2 years ago
and part of it was because it took that long for me to sort out the manipulations and lies. I lost sight of what was true and what were lies because I bought in to her manipulation and began to doubt myself. She told me so often that I was wrong about things that happened (and about her) that I started to think I was crazy. So after we broke up I had to look back at all of the things that happened and sort it all out. By six months I was pretty clean and by eight or so I was basically done.
JMichaelChristi 2 years ago
So the guy ive been dating on and off for many years is one then? i could tel you a hisory then you can tell me if he is or not. Those intrested in hearing about him please email me, thanks
Booliocious 2 years ago
hes always been controling, never apart of my worl seriously when it came to a monogonmous relationshiop he had stated he wanted, this goes way back and on and on, like a broekn record, he has never physically hit me to abuse me, but had intentionally hurt me beyond words can describe verbally, emotionally & mentally.
Booliocious 2 years ago
They weren't disciplined, no limits on his abuse of others, etc.
They were lavished with praise & internalized these messages of superiority.
The behavior was based on the parent's need to have a superior child, reflecting the superiority of the parent.
The child was also abused. They got both messages. Superior and Shit. (Such as a foul mouthed father that called his son "a__hole" "stupid" etc. While at the same time saying how wonderful he is at ....baseball....etc.)
fancyfrenchy 2 years ago
The real cause of narcissism is actually not known and is still debated among psychologists. Sometimes a person who becomes narcissistic only received negative reinforcement and no praise whatsoever. I do believe that the way a child responds to how he or she is treated is an important factor. Suffice it to say however that they do learn somehow to become ruthlessly manipulative and from what I've seen most of them don't have any sense of remorse when they harm others.
JMichaelChristi 2 years ago
@JMichaelChristi
This makes sense because if a child is NEVER taught to love themselves through nurturing then they really have no way to know how to care for others.
sairaj1 2 years ago
Very true. As I said in an earlier post, my belief is that the root cause of narcissism stems from a child not having it's needs of nurturing, love and validation met. Some folks believe that narcissism has it's roots in the DNA.. but our parents, and subsequently our DNA are determined by what we came here to learn. In other words, we choose our parents and our situations because we need them to learn from and overcome. Christians will have a hard time with that.. but it's true.
JMichaelChristi 2 years ago
@JMichaelChristi
I agree but it sometimes can take more than 6 months. I think when you start building a good support system then it gets better. being in a bad n abusive relationship has a negative effect on other aspects of ur life.
sairaj1 2 years ago
Of course. It takes as long as it takes depending on the person and circumstances.
Most definitely.. it has a very deleterious effect on a person's life.
JMichaelChristi 2 years ago
@JMichaelChristi
you know the problem is that abusive ppl never go to a good psychologist to have themselves evaluated and sometimes even a good psychologist cannot tell if a victim was abused. you'd think that they know it because they have a phd but they think ur just depressed.
sairaj1 2 years ago
It seems that anyone who is NPD or psychopathic who has a partner that describes abuse and resulting PTSD shifts the blame off themselves and onto their partner. Which proves the profound lack of empathy.
Partners of N's and P's dont go looking for abuse for the most part, but they find it in their pathological relationships, for the most part.
The sad part is, they dont recognize it as abuse until its far too late, precisely because the N's and P's are always shifting the blame.
thephoenix101 2 years ago
This song is very beautiful, could you please tell me what it is and who is singing it? i must have heard when i was little because it sounds very familiar. thanks.
Vadastra 2 years ago
It is by Kaleah Laroche. She is the same woman who wrote the ebook after being married to a person who was a narcissistic. You can hear more of her music and purchase CD's on kaleah(dot)com.
JMichaelChristi 2 years ago
I am a diagnosed NPD, and I am getting totally disturbed by all the 'negative' attention that we receive. Personally, if you guys LOVED yourself as WE LOVE ourself, there wouldn't be as much self esteem issues in the world. I could go on about my distaste as well as 'your alleged treatment of us also!. I am a human to and have those that I love dearly and do not abuse, it is you who cry out 'abuse'. Sadly as you 'accuse' us for legitimate faults you may have, you are not perfect as well.
darkastrologer 2 years ago
You're right. NPs are extreme personality types, but they add to human colour. Only a very few NPs are so affected that they could be considered malignant or psychopathic. Egocentricity can drive achievement - the key is to realise when selfishness is NOT a good trait and not put NPs in those situations - just like you wouldn't put a pacifist in the marines.
ChadHorney 2 years ago
In reality many Narcissists lack self esteem. If you love dearly and don't abuse I'd question your diagnosis. I do agree that sweeping generalizations shouldn't be made and nobody should judge all by the acts of some. I love an N and his abuse is absent minded, the result of putting himself first and not seeing beyond that most of the time unless a crisis has occurred.. I don't believe *all* N's lack empathy but definitely don't see the world in the same way a person without the disorder does.
darlannedotcom 2 years ago
Frustration and insecurity seem to fuel the need to label people. My father is an extreme NPD, but the older I get, the more I tend to discredit such diagnosis completely. Dad is a person, not a diagnosis. We need fewer labels, NOT more. Humans do tend to project their own flaws onto others, especially those who have inadvertantly hurt them somehow. People need to learn that labels dont help! I have had to learn this the hard way, by labeling, then losing, a dear friend recently.
imstillpurple 2 years ago
We all know you're not a Narcissist, they would never admit to it or even recognize it in themselves, even if they read a book about it. They don't become disturbed by YouTUbe coments either. They cannot feel love for anyone. You cant just change the definition to suit your own personality. It is what it is, nomatter how much the definition doesn't suit your personality.
I think your just a sad person looking for his/her place in this world.
Winter077 2 years ago
Oh "I" will admitt to being a diagnosed NPD, and "I" do respond to comment's or place comment's because it is upsetting to my heart and soul (oh was that empathic ... eek) since ALL people who discuss us do so as if we are ALL cut from the same cookie cutter... and someone NEEDS to dispell this theory or theories of us.
darkastrologer 2 years ago
Sad yes, but not our problem. Best to keep well away and let them self destruct on their own. Narcissism is just one of many personality problems in the human race. One you don't have to be involved with. It comes down to choices and we all have them.
TheHandymanQld 2 years ago
That is exactly what I am doing, just staying well away from him. He keeps trying to come up with LAME excuses to come back and get the things he DELIBERATLY left here, but I e-mailed him and said NOT without a police officer. He hurt me enough , I will not alow him to hurt me even more. Do I love him YES, I probably always will 16 years is a long time to love someone,but I will never allow him to come back into my life to hurt me again. And that is the sadist part of it all.
starfish50 2 years ago
It is sad yes, but they don't, and can't get it.
TheHandymanQld 2 years ago
I am still in the messed up results of being married to a NARCISSISTIC husband. He has done nothing but get worse,after saing he wants a divorce. How can I make sure I never get involved with another narcissistic man again.
starfish50 2 years ago
The only surefire way is to stop contact with them. If you think a person is narcissistic, keep well away. It's about control. You taking control of your life.
TheHandymanQld 2 years ago
My bigist problem was he did not show the signs of being a narcissist when I met him, that is what I need to learn is how to spot them before they can deceive me.
starfish50 2 years ago
You can't spot them in the streets but with your marriage experience, you'll pick up on a person having the personality disorder. It's trial and error. You know the traits. You'll pick them up. That's when you run.
TheHandymanQld 2 years ago
Thank you. Wow all I know is I do not want to make that mistake again. It was a very painful lesson as just to how selfish,and hateful,and mean some people can be. I never want to live threw that again for the rest of my life.
starfish50 2 years ago
I feel that way after experiencing what I allowed myself to put up with with her. She drained the life out of me, broke a promise and continuosly lied. She is void of any emotion, except to have a little sook if things don't go her way, but she gets over it. She does not know the meaning of love or loyalty. kind of sad really.
TheHandymanQld 2 years ago
Yes it is sad. They use people who really love and care for them then discard us like an old pair of shoes. the sad part is, they will wind up all alone with no one who loves them, but THEMSELVES which will not bee to satisfying to them.
starfish50 2 years ago
I think like stupid people should wear a sign saying I'M STUPID the narcissist should have to wear a sign saying I'm a NARCISSIST. That way you wuld not believe their pretty lies,and could avoid the hurt they bring into your life.
starfish50 2 years ago
Once you have experienced the narcisisst you become smarter about people. As long as you don't let yourself to fall in the trap of being conned.
TheHandymanQld 2 years ago
Thank you for the advice, I have been studying narcissiam to learn a lot more about it, in an attempt to spot it before, I get sucked into a relationship with another one again. I can not go threw that kind of pain again.
starfish50 2 years ago
can't a narcassist ever recover in any way?
im going through the situation and i just keep on hoping that it is possible..
xH3Rx 2 years ago
its a disorder however....they do not actually know how selfish and hateful they are being, for them 'normal' people are the ones destroying them.
It is difficult to help somebody with NPD, you recieve no gratification and progress is rarely ever made seeing as they think the world should change and not them.
but it is also hard to let go, as you know that if it isnt you, then nobody will be there for them.
a tough decision to face
xH3Rx 2 years ago
I have noticed that about my soon to be X. Everyone else is to blame for the awful things HE does to people. It is always oh POOR ME, feel sorry for me, it is someone elses fault.
starfish50 2 years ago
that someone else being you i suppose, or the world .
i get it ...im in the same situation with my ex/bf/ex/bf i dont know what to call him anymore :P
xH3Rx 2 years ago
It is so very confusing, not knowing exactly WHAT to call them. I can not say X husband,even though he said he wants a divorce and moved out, because he has not gotten a divorce, but I refuse to say Husband, because he does not love me, does not live with me,and is not here for me. so I guess ESTRANGED is the only proper word, but even that does not seem right. I would like to just say X husband. What a mess hu?
starfish50 2 years ago
yer..my ex whined like a girl. He hit his boss, got fired, came to me crying and threatening suicide and said to me 'I can't help thinking its your fault i'm in this position' Just a ploy to make me feel crap and help him. I didn't give him money, but my time. Suckered.
sweeetly 2 years ago
YEP, that is exactly the MO do things to mess their own lives, but whine around to everyone else,that it is ALL our fault for the messs they have made of their own lives, insted of taking responsabality for their OWN self distructive selfish ways.
starfish50 2 years ago
I fell in love with a female narcissist. I last heard from her 2 week ago when I told her she needs professional help. She is in and out of relationships. All this time she said she wanted to be with me but never was and so I wonder if a N can have feelings for another but knows the outcome and truly does not want to hurt a person they 'care' about. She saved me from having a relationship with her.
TheHandymanQld 3 years ago 2
Im an N as you put it. im working on my behavoir for a girl that i feel in love with. so yes she could change and i dont belive that she or anyone would say out of a relationship if its going well for the fear of it ending badly. but im not sure. If you really wanna know from someone that has this problem message me. i'll do my best to answer any question.
genphilip 2 years ago
Have you been diagnosed as N?
You say you love this girl. It would be good to hear your views.
sweeetly 2 years ago
Yes this is what my estranged husband did. He would get in relationships sabatoge them,and try to blame it on his mother. Before I met him I had plenty of self esteem even with my dissabalities,but he did every thing he could to tear down my own self esteem, I did not know about narcissiam until after he moved out. I do not think the N feels any thing for anyone else, they just use you up. That is how I feel like he just used me up till I no longer served a purpose for him.
starfish50 2 years ago
ive been studying this for 2 months after the bad breakup with a N ex .. very tramatic experince .. ;(
moonlightkisu 3 years ago
The damage a Narc does to those around them is enormous. If you know a Narc move away now. The state does nothing to identify and remove these wack jobs from society therefore move away.
jbgood3 3 years ago 2
To prove their superiority, they look down on anyone they don't fear. People who they see as inferiors provide proof of their own superiority. There lies the contradiction for the Narc. They hate the people they need the most. Imagine a King or Queen (narc)surrounded by their courtiers (inferiors). This is the relationship demanded of the Narc from their friends/family. It destroys them slowly! Children of N's suffer greatly. The N must be the center of attention. The child learns to keep quiet!
jbgood3 3 years ago 3
Yep! Having a Narc father I couldn't agree more! I haven't spoken in years. My missus told him to Piss Off and it seems he has thankfully!
Isochest 3 years ago
My parents are both narcs -- imagine the fucking horror! I also fell in love with not one but two of them . the second one I knew, but still! Gads, n'er again.
PleiadesSeven 3 years ago
Thanks for telling us about the book. My new mgr definetely has NPD. It's all about her and she charms folks who are unaware. She thinks she's the best thing since fried eggs.
amberfwn 3 years ago 3
She's another BAD EGG!
isochest2 3 years ago
Antisocials and Borderlines are some pathetic excuses for human beings as well...
mspen1018 3 years ago
Hey I'm borderline personality disorder,but it was strictly because of 2 narcississtic parents toying with my mind,for 20 years that nearly destroyed me.The diffrence is I can keep myself in check a little better and try not to fall in that trap there in.
sobo21230 3 years ago
I used the term some so that people wouldn't think my statement was a blanket statement, I have some friends with BPD who are nice people but my mom and brother are borderlines and they are people who thrive on chaos. Sorry to offend you.
mspen1018 3 years ago
Its ok not offended one bit I like your honesty and yeah people like me can be a little rough too.The diffrence is we do know right from wrong a narcissist will never admit it and getting them to apologize is like bearing a dead horse.
sobo21230 3 years ago
I am an avid believer in things occurring in a spectrum, I believe that there may be narcissists and even sociopaths that really arent that bad, I also know (I am a psych major in college currently) that cluster B pd's overlap a lot so my mom and brother although meeting criteria for BPD and having severe traits, have traits of other PD's too. I mean people aren't labels, and my brother is NPD too so that may add to it. And in the case of the guilt with my family it is usually manipulative.
mspen1018 3 years ago
Spot on about Narcs never apologising: I suppose it's why they should have to apologise to an object. One thing they don't appear to like is for one to have the same disregard for them as they do for others.
isochest2 3 years ago
No, they NEVER apologize because they're always right. They leave you when you call them out on their mistakes....like when they put you in such debt that even Obama's spending looks like pennies.
MSDeaf 2 years ago
Yep, I finley called my husband of 15 years out on his abuse of my grown sons and myself,and he BUGGED out, the selfish coward. Now he is telling everyone that I MESSED him up. All I did was bring some sanity and love into his life. That he never had before me.
starfish50 2 years ago
Exactly NEVER appoligizing. Insted they tell eveyone that it is YOUR fault for the horrable things that THEY are doing. My husband sodomized me,and said if I told the DR he would lie and tell them I did it to myself with a bottle. HORRABLE EVIL person.
starfish50 2 years ago
Good grief...it is sad. My ex is doing that right now. Its almost like he adopted my life. He left France and came here to be with me and because he was so nuts I told him to leave. He got a flat 5 mins from me! He was sexually abusive as well. Your ex sounds sociopathic...
sweeetly 2 years ago
Exactly it is ALWAYS our fault for the horrable things they do to us. My X is telling his family it is all MY FAULT he is drinking, that he had to stay drunk to put up with me, but he is not living with me now,but still drinking. He did not start drinking until his Daddy ( WHO WAS A NO ACOUNT SHIFTLESS BUMM ) died, now it is all my fault he is drinking, NO WAY, I will not let anyone else blame me for what he is doing.
starfish50 2 years ago
I think my estranged husband growing up in such a DISSFUNCTIONAL family is part and parcial whey he is the way he is. HIs mother put her first 2 daughters up for Adoption, when she married my husbands father. His father would leave,days,weeks,months ,years at a time,and every thime my husbands mother would take him back. So he grew up without knowing what fadality and true caring and loving is, Now is is all self engrossed in his own wants.
starfish50 2 years ago
My ex gets supply from his mum. She did kind of warn me in a very round about way though. Still, makes me wonder what is up with his parents. They both were stupidly cryiical of him and at the same time, did nothing to show him consequences.
sweeetly 2 years ago
Ye same here...N mum...Schiz dad...some BPD tendencies in myself. But I manage it OK. BPD isn't the same deal as NPD
sweeetly 2 years ago
Darn.. I've tried four times to answer you and it keeps locking up so I'll just post a comment. She's a good friend of mine named Kaleah Laroche. You can find out more about her on her website at kaleahlaroche(dot)com if you'd like. She has a couple of CD's out with another coming soon I believe.
The best,
John
JMichaelChristi 3 years ago
Who is singing this song?
fabulousmik 3 years ago
The woman who wrote the book, Kaleah La Roche.
I bought both of her ebooks and was not disappointed. They were written in a straight forward, heart felt manner, and helped me get a toe hold. I also bought her MP3's for "cutting the chord" the N. holds over you. Also very helpful. Her work is useful right away if you are hurting badly. It's affordable, and I don't regret what I spent, but one of the MP3's music is too loud and can't hear her voice over it. Satisfied enough to not complain.
Bertha2von2Suttner 3 years ago