Added: 4 years ago
From: TheOnion
Views: 61,459
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  • The Onion could make up all the fake facts in the world and still be more legitimate than Fox.

  • I'm funny and I still think this is really fucking gay.

  • is this for real?

  • @BABAJI92 Yes

  • Most realistic Onion story ever.

  • And he faces the same problems three year later,

  • ouch. what a major hit...

  • Oh the irony.

  • IM AN AN EMOTIONAL ANIMAL I'M A XENOMORPH ACTUALLY AND I'M GONNA SPREAD MY HATE OVER... something... THE ONION RULES...THANK YOU!!! GAY PEOPLE SUCK LESBIANS are okay.

  • @raptros are you some kinda homo...LEZBIANS are the greatest you faggot

  • @finka123456 learn to read asshole...

  • @raptros i know what i read

  • 1st TheOnion video.

  • the onion is actually on t.v, its called fox news

  • im about 130 pounds and I think this is funny!

  • @ZachariahLogan Sorry, it appears your psychic predictions of who I am are not correct. Please try again.

  • this really is not far-fetched: romney has a real credibility problem!

  • - iI's been a pleasure, Andrea

    - You bet.

  • @dAvrilthebear God she's so sexy!

  • Why you might be uglier than you think

  • sadly, this video is true in America's common attitude toward gays...

  • @XProflmfao I think you need to stop listening to what the TV says, and go out and see for yourself.

  • @andid what makes this video hilarious and so clever is it makes liberals happy because that's how they view conservatives. It makes conservatives happy because they know thats how they are viewed and they know it's just ridiculous. You really think a candidate who is racist even has a chance of winning? Really? It's so frowned upon, it's better to be a victim of racism now than it is to be accused in public view.

  • LOL. Go conservative-Liberal bashing channel! GO ONION!

  • Gosh, these 'Onion' guys have just become my new heros!

  • This one is actually entirely plausible.

  • Love the news ticker at the bottom, gotta watch once to see the story and again to read the ticker at the bottom.

    'average elementary students fail to see why Rosa parks did not want to sit in the back of the bus', genius!

    Best news ticker I can remember: 'airlines institute new 'landing fees'...:p

  • The Onion, I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!  You tickle my brain!!!!

  • Once again, The Onion seems more believable than the "real" news networks.

  • Candidates have been appearing on SNL, Daily Show and the Colbert Report. I'm waiting for the day when a presidential candidate makes an actual appearance on the Onion.

  • How could that man think he could become president without committing a hate crime against a homosexual?

  • "...he could call anybody a faggot, that may be the only thing left for him."

    Pure fucking genius.

  • Im gay and I still think this really fucking funny.

  • I feel like Im watching real tv news but its funny and there so serious

  • fuck your number. I don't care if it defines your fuck face or not. These arrogant prick.. who the fuck gives a shit about your motherfucking number?

  • @348joey Why do you care what they do? It's not your problem.

  • @348joey so your saying two men/women having sex is equally evil as somone torturing raping and killing all the cute blonde girl in north america ? you sicken me sir

  • @derickhaywood No... where did you get that idea? "what they do isn't any MORE evil than any other sin" i said more not less

  • I was laughing my ass off until I realized this could actually be on Fox news or something

  • Dont they know the life of a gay is worth 7 normals? Lake of fire or innocent preciousness? Make up your mind.

  • Mitt Romney 2012! Come on, folks! On the wagon! Gonna fly that wagon across the Delaware...choo choo!

  • ha ha, he coud call somebody a fag, or some racial slur.

  • That's quite alright.

  • Well you're sources are wrong. I don't associate with such verminous gutter trash.

  • @ToxicOdiousOne Sorry man, the media got to me

  • Rest assured I am quite intolerant.

  • @ToxicOdiousOne Nonsense, sources say you were at a gay bar... and you're not even gay...

  • No one better accuse me of being "tolerant".

  • 31 fags dislike

  • ah yes making fun of the amercain electorate (look it up dipshit).

    kinda like harassing a retard for smelling like shit.

    b.t.w. the whole world thinks you are retarded because you smell like shit....

  • I hope I am uglier than I think. It's scary looking this damn good.

  • Sarcastic,, the onion is completely sarcastic

  • "When we return, you might be uglier than you think"

  • Gotta love a guy named, "Mitt".

  • I hope Romney runs in 2012. He would make a decent President.

  • I hope when Mitt Romney is made president he sends all the homosexuals back to Africa.

  • @TheOildrumsofVagisil Yeah and send the Jews back to Canada where they belong.

  • @TheOildrumsofVagisil That was the funniest thing I've heard all day

  • That was brilliant!

    Also, bonus points for the 'news' stories in the crawl at the bottom.

  • Right, while this is a hilarious satire, it still isn't as far-fetched as you'd think, unfortunately.

  • What is sad is that while this is humor, such open tolerance would indeed be a death blow to a political career in many regions of the United States.

  • This is going to keep me up, so the sooner you respond, the better. Thanks!

  • @hossrex

    Wow. I like to think that I can tell the difference between sarcasm and sincerity, but you've cut me to the quick. I don't know wether to sarcastically agree with you because you're an idiot. Or sarcastically agree with you because you're being sarcastic.

  • *wink*

  • These guys work here and get paid for it??? ***ENVY***

  • You are a very naive genius.

  • "I think it's sad that an actual news program would lambaste a person for being respectful to homosexuals" -hossrex

    See, that's just the thing though, The Onion isn't an actual news program, but rather a satirical news program :)

  • oh lighten up a little, this was hilarious!

  • Dumbfuck much?

    Yes, very much.

  • @bootybooty44

    lol... I love people who don't understand satire.

  • ........thats the funny part

  • Lmaooo

  • @Q2IN2Y

    My favorite part of these videos is having fun with the people who think they're smarter than they think they actually are. Making a satirical comment, and having people get thoroughly upset (although this thread was pretty rational) over how stupid I am for failing to understand satire, all the while they're failing to understand that MY comment was ALSO satire, amuses me.

    Sure it's trolling... but I did it for the lulz!

  • Satire rocks... LOL

  • funny, true,disturbing, and pure genius. LONG LIVE SATIRE

  • This is the most realistic Onion news report yet. This is pretty much what the election was like, but people didn't talk about their intolerance that boldly.

  • Heh, bigot vote :)

  • lol

  • I love that intro. So hilariously inappropriate.

  • "he can call anybody a faggot" hahaha that would spice up political debates

  • lol i love that last bit: "why you might be uglier than you think"

  • this is wonderful, so true. what a fucked up world!

  • Comment removed

  • i could ask the same question of a woman doing it. i mean you pee out of that thing.

    I might also point out that some gays may agree with you on that.

  • it's good you got it.

  • i wish the onion had a dedicated cable news channel

  • @mramz88 yeha but then they would run out of material super quickly

  • @mramz88

    YES

    they should do it

    it would be funny, and theyd make a killing

  • @mramz88 Imagine the number of people that'll get trolled! It will be immense!

  • @mramz88

    Great idea, but I want a satelite channel to.

  • @mramz88 your in luck its coming to comedy central and ifc this month, glad of it too :)

  • @mramz88 well, they have a comedy central show

  • "He's relied so heavily on the bigot vote" John McCain's feelin that one, lol. Dead on political commentary, I love you, Onion.

  • You are not an animal?

  • You sound civilized. This type of anger towards a group of people seems completely rational and logical, not like anything directed by the emotional, animalistic mind. [/sarcasm]

  • @whirlwindbliss I hope you relize this video is completely satire.

  • @FiveStarFuhrer Yes, I "relize" the onion isn't "rel." What did I say years ago that would suggest I didn't know its obvious satire?

  • @whirlwindbliss Yes please point out my my typos i didnt realize i did that, will you ever forgive me?

  • Humans aren't animals?

  • OH MY GOD! The Onion is HILARIOUS! Why havent I heard of this before?! Probably cause im stuck in the UK lol

  • LOL at all these stupid comment fights. Are you all six?

  • apparently so haha

  • @QualityLogos yes

  • @QualityLogos spelling out the letter 6 is not accetpable on the interweb any more.

    just sayin.

  • @QualityLogos

    This coming from a guy who still uses the acronym "LOL" in all caps and who thinks that by claiming that all arguments in the comment boxes are stupid, that'll somehow help them to end, rather than egging them on...

    What are you, six?

  • @ArrrPirate666 Okay, "ArrrPirate666".

  • @CrackaStoleMyBoat

    That made perfect sense coming from "CracksStoleMyBoat"...

  • Are there any older videos?

  • dont think so

  • 105th COMMENT

  • "When we return, why you might be uglier than you think." ROFL.

  • funny stuff

  • God I hope this is a troll, because otherwise you are a tremendously unintelligent person.

  • :)) The perfect answer

  • Wait 35% is less than half. That means 65% is caused by heterosexuals. So straight people are 30% more evil than gays! :O

  • Yea, but if they're gay, they're spreading it to eachother, although I am not personally an intolerant asshole like yourself, I don't see how gays giving eachother AIDS is a valid argument to anyone. I don't think it's a good thing but it isn't a danger for straight people. And apparently the reason for the increased AIDS rate is completely biological and has something to do with the ass. Just google 'gay ass sex' and Im sure you'll find exactly what your looking for.

  • R u trying to say them having AIDS doesn't have anything to do with any one else in the society..? Do you even knows how HIV/AIDS can be contacted by others? I bet you don't.and apparently you r still believing that Hiv/AIDS can only be contacted by sex and sex alone. Wake up dude. A disease can get from N.Y.C to Africa in less than 27 hours.

  • Ok, well unless ur a fuckin vampire. I dunno, personally, i don't ingest the bodily fluids of AIDS victims. There are only a few kinds of liquids that should come out of ur body and since spit won't transmit HIV (under a gallon anyways), and both blood and sexual fluids are covered, I don't wanna know what you do in your spare time. And if your a heroin addict, maybe you should try to give that up, it would cut down on the AIDS rate.

  • First of all, I'm not gay, I'm just not intolerant, and secondly, how many times have any of those things happened. I know for a fact that the mosquito thing is bullshit (u might have been thinking of Malaria). And if ur getting AIDS from the hospital or a tattoo parlour, I think that you are absolutely correct in blaming the gays. Let me guess, your lonely and stupid because of the Jews. And way to bring in children, most child AIDS victims get in from their mothers (google that bitch)

  • Ok, well I guess this isn't going anywhere so we might as well stop it here. I'll be the bigger man and you can keep on being the bigot man.

  • The group with the highest AIDs rate in North America are women from 13-25, not homosexuals. Most transmition IS conducted sexually.

  • You're saying that STDs aren't conducted sexually?

  • can you learn how to spell and come back to correct YOUR comment?

  • Can you reeducate yourself and come back to correct your attitude and ignorance?

  • you should know aids and hiv cells are completely ineffective once they are outside of a body so when i child touches an escalator ramp it doesnt even matter you dont get aids or hiv from that but licking is completely different and how can you get aids from a barber you must be thinking of lice

  • don't go into medicine. HIV isn't a cell and you can't get it from licking. It takes a large volume of virus particles from one individual transferred into another rather quickly

    in order to overwhelm the immediate immune response. A few hundred viruses in you can be fought off. This is why for example why it sometimes it takes repeated exposures to contract hiv. The dead layer of skin also helps

    saliva does not have a large volumes of hiv in it and it's chemistry is hostile to viruses.

  • yea you cant get it from licking i meant to put if you lick a large amount then yes

  • instead of shooting up they should snort the stuff

  • There's no way that's related to weather right? Like i'm sure wind, seasonal patterns and humidity have nothing to do with it. Must be those gays right? People like you make me lose faith in humanity.

  • Gee, I guess all the hurricanes in the south must prove something horrible about the Bible belt too, then, right?

  • nah man, thats tornadoes.

    and typluz, wtf is california city.

    and, if ur saying people get aids from man to man sex, y do u care, unless you were planning on having sex with men?

  • From typluz's profile:

    "Music: I love any good and cool music,rap, christian songs, easy listening,country music, and accappella these are my favourite music

    Books: Reading big novels"

    His opinions are worthless. Do you hope he dies? I do.

  • oh crap you're right, his opinions are worthless.

  • LOL!

  • stop arguing who's god is better

    all religions are bullshit kthxbye

  • and when we return, why you may be uglier than you think. lol.

  • education report: Average Elementary school student fails to see why Rosa Parks Did not want to sit in back of bus (lol)

    Sci Fi director says the greatest challenge of making new movie was portraying post apocalyptic L.A. as more horrifying than real L.A. LMAO

  • Romney's homophobia in question.

  • 'ONN: Making you seem better informed'

  • "Sci-fi director John Mctiernan says the greatest challenge of new movie was portraying post-apocalyptic L.A. as more horrifying than the real L.A."

    HAHA, that news ticker is awesome.

  • haha "nation's last steam powered search engine taken out of commission"..

  • lmao @ y u might be uglier, than u think

  • two words....THE BASE

  • Honestly, the news ticker at the bottom is the best part of these videos.

  • what "control policies" are you talking about and how are mormons backwards?

  • YOU'RE A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF A DUMBASS!

  • This is sooo true.

  • i <3 mitt romney

  • -The bigot vote -if only that were,nt true.

  • u r 2 funny

  • "Andrea" looks nice here. The camera makes her look gothic in every other video.

  • SHE IS SO HOTT....

  • ''When we come back we see why you might be uglier than you think'' Andrea you can spank my ugly bottom and whisper sweet biting sarcasm to me all day long.