Dateline NBC: To Catch a Predator - Funny Quotes

[Awgichew]

How the hell does he read this and keep a straight face, lol!

[gotilum]

Chis Hansen is kinky!

[MrBw1982]

The way he says his words lol

[thepokermyth]

hahahahahahaha. in a chat, you usually use 'LOL' for making dirty things sound OK. like saying "tonight, your probably gonna be so drunk you'd want to make out lol. it sugarcoats what you trying to say. WELL, there's no way of sugarcoating this, "i might want to cut you alittle, suck on your blood....lol"

[alybirdie]

The one at 1:05 was pedophile poetry.

[AZtwoNE]

I like it when you (blank) my (blank)

[mrtundra45]

blank my blank . lol

[veerleke]

ombg.

Godblanket, now i havr to even blank my blanks.

[killyou45]

"I'm honored to be considered a candidate for your first time" -50 year old man thinking he's talking to like a 13 year old. LMAO.

[Karami]

would you like to get BLANK in the BLANK?

[nuFsIgnillorT]

You forgot "I like sucking and being sucked".

[friedchicken187]

who want to tease and please my blank?

[friedchicken187]

Can i put my thaaaaaaang in your mouth?

lmao

[ImmuneToFearr]

Just asking cause i'm naked.

[lute760]

I will slap you in the face with 9 inches of limp Blank!Then i will shove my Blank all the way up your Blank after I pull my Blank out of your other Blank which will cause my Blank to Blanking explode in your Blanking blank you whoring Blank Blank! You shouldn't talk with your mouth full of Blank! You could choke on Blank!

[XxJayniexPantsxX]

XD blank blank blank.

[Dipsetinstrum]

"Did you say you are ready to have my thannng in your mouth?" Lmao pricless

[posthumanfetus]

Man, even I'm getting a little turned on by listening to this.

[satankilledbarbie666]

daaammm chris hansen talks dirty x]

[serialclone]

11 people can't control their horny level.

[Alfa09er]

I might want to cut you a little, suck on your blood

[scarygary5678]

can i stick my blank in your blank? big veiny cock in your tight scrumptious pussy. i don't understand why he sensors it, and then after just says it out loud.

[mattheworosa]

my.....BLANK is big....can I......slide that in your......BLANK. hahahahahah

[ak47m16]

THIS NEEDS TO BE A SOUNDBOARD.

[0oR3N3GADEo0]

lolol could you compile this and acuse him of being a predator? llololol

[lookalooey]

Lmfaoo how does he say this without laughing his ass off halfway through his sentences? even the sex offender laughed at 1:20 lmao

[XanderDeVera]

H O T ! !

[MrFLICKYOLI]

I need to write these down.

[ALT980]

You know the pages of the chatlogs stick together cause of him.

[PrivateSolo]

1:20

[wussup12345]

LAUGH OUT LOUD

[SELFlnsurance]

hahaha

Chris Handsome running after me with his sweet voice and worm words

[akahina666]

here, have a seat.

yes, right over here

[TheSuirad]

Chris Hansome.

[zachansonhasbigballs]

@TheSuirad HAHAHAH

[satankilledbarbie666]

HAHAHAHA

[Hookedonlemons]

What the hell?!

Why isn't there "...that's terribly sexy" in this?

Perfect quote!

[CephalopodJesusFace]

I can't control my horny level.

[OOar]

my blank is sooo blank now lol i remember before the cops came on the show they had guys coming back for seconds.

[94jg]

Can't wait to ask my girlfriend if I can blank her blank. 

[LMA629]

"i will be your bear..." yeah the teen's pedobear!

[kellhiro]

WITH MY BLANK UP YOUR BLANK?

[rysc45]

omg sick muther fukers

[CheesyGranola]

Did you say "Are you ready to have my THANG in your mouth"? XD

[thehapagirl92]

@CheesyGranola ROFL on how he asys "thang"

[SimonB198207]

can i blank your blank with my blank? i will make you blank so hard you'll blank all over your blank, blank me, blank blank blank...

[jerryjingjo]

punch me repeatdely ahaha

[rainey53]

I this the most disturbing comment is @ 1:44 Girlfriend, then we'll have sex, then I'll be your dad and we'll go shopping???! WTF?

[chris1211990]

@charlespeterwatson  Have a seat over... (pointing to the bed)

[xXCherokeePrincess]

" i want to cut you, and suck on your blood a little, lol" that doesnt sound very safe..

[CheesyGranola]

@xXCherokeePrincess Goddamn Twilight fanatics. XD

[omfgitsblake]

best one is 0:52

[XXxxEMOHEARTZxxXX]

So Many Blanksss XD

[urbanexplorer1996]

i have boner

[DeathNote207]

ill blank my blank on your blank and cut u!

[loveyoutopgear]

iIl blank blanketty blank in your blank then blank in your blankyness blank and blank in you blanky blank

[ChocolateStarfish5o3]

i want to blank your brains out. I Might want to cut you, suck your blood... Laugh Out Loud

[Blazian4life]

i want to BLANK you!

[TheoneandonlyGTA]

Laugh out loud.

[12131AllDay]

blank my blank right blankin now you dirty little blank

[bf2lover42]

What does Chris shout during sex?

[justgiver91]

are you ready to have my THANG in your mouth?

[LWebb1000]

@justgiver91 LMMFAOOOO!!!!!

[YouKnowWhoDK]

blank my blank you blank

[shannonshallbemine]

I mean 1:04 to 1:10 :)

[Bettini]

id let chris hansen's voice molest me.

[poop121]

my wife and i hacve watched to cach a predator before to hear chriss voice it gets her in the mood

[ekocentric]

LMAO. I think that the worst part of these dolts humiliation process is having Chris repeat their online chats.

[randomgsustudent11]

I Must warn you.. I am kind of BIG down there..

[busterbone]

Chris is such a romantic Romeo-this is what he and Stone Phillips used to say to Ann Curry at the New York NBC Studios to try to get some with her after the show.

[patrickmajor5150]

they forgot the

She said: Im only thirteen

You replied: I like rape.

[airsoft66]

Who was the guy in movies and in television?

[sfknns]

"you've been on movies & television, well now you're about to get anothet role"!

[NoveltySocks]

If you're going to have sex, it might as well be with me...

[fatdaddychong]

if you blank my blank i will blank your blanking hair whilst blanking the apple sauce laugh out loud

[pred123424]

its funny but u cant for get there trying to fuck little kids

[WEISSKRAFT]

@pred123424 there teenagers not f***ing kids.

[pred123424]

@WEISSKRAFT teens are kids. there not 18 right.

[phatgothic]

my blank is big!

[UncleStumpy]

@phatgothic I've used that so many times. never works. They've all been over 18 though, i swear!

[Whitemofoproductions]

will you give a...slang for oral sex. fuckin funny

[SarahLee1]

Do you want me to put my ____ in your ____?

[Mistertbones]

It's missing the great line "Can I rape you anally?"

[PhatalPhury]

I want to lay on my back with a pillow and let you sit on my chest with your knees over my forearms and punch me repeatedly.

Laugh out loud.

[redhead1652]

I love the one with

"You got whip cream, Your chasing the cat around."

[SandTiger18]

what happened to the 8 minute version?

[fransack]

I didn't know Hansen was that horny..

[georgehwbush]

Chris is making me so hot. He can blank my blank any time!

[retardkidsintheback]

maybe we should hook up, i may want to cut you a little

LOL

[iluvguyswitstrtbik3s]

did u say you are ready to have my thannnnngggggg in your mouth hahahahahahahhahahaha love how he says thang

[iluvguyswitstrtbik3s]

hahahahahaha blanks!!! that word never gets old i wish i had some blankin my blank now.... seriously.

[acondor14]

You want to know how these guys came about? You women wouldn't give them a pity blowjob or some pity sex. And for those who have had no women, their confidence is so low they would dare to break the law to please a woman young enough to be their daughter.

Give us a break, ladies! The world will be a better place for it.

[MiamiIndianTribe]

yep, leykus was right

[RedAvery1]

lets have some sax. Blank Blank Blakitty Blank

[xcuppiixcakex]

1:20 to 1:26

wtf?!?! lmao!!!!!

[RyanBurnett22]

@xcuppiixcakex hahah so funny

[theblueo1]

"I'll be your bear, and we bears like tasting honey."

HAHAHA

[Uvissiet]

Chris Hanson should make books on tape of him reading these chat logs. He could live nicely off of the earnings.

[cue1555]

blank my blank an blank you LOL!!!! 1:30

[PRchica101]

hahahaha yeah the way he said it

[dannyboy11490]

hahahaha "blanking your blank" hahahaha

[DeadMansFilm]

For the "blank" I call the show How to Catch a Mad Lib

[Plato86]

"Want me to slip my blank into your..." These guys are the scum of the Earth, they can't even control themselves typing over the internet. Guess what theother hand was doing.

[slr0084]

"Did you say your ready to have my thing in your mouth?" LMFAO!

[danglenuts]

it's "thang"

[HeltBortaLen]

"Blanking your blank" LOL

[dartxp1]

"chris hanson what does the scouter say about hes horny lvl"

its over ninethousandddddd

[gowplayer2]

what does "blank" mean?

[blokq]

c*ck, d*ck, p*ssy, f*ck, sh*t. and so on.

[slr0084]

Blank means whatever you want it to mean lmao!

[thoselilbirdies]

I'll be your bear ;)

[RedAvery1]

letys have sax

[yeahbuddy93]

i must warn you, i am sorta big down there lmao

[ThatMonsterMan]

HOWS THIS FOR A SUPRISE?

[charlespeterwatson]

What does Chris Hanson tell his wife when he's in the mood?

[georgehwbush]

That he will blank her blank so hard.

[alotter]

@charlespeterwatson I want to blank you

[HandbagKnowledge]

@charlespeterwatson i want to stick my blank in your butt

[kellyberry]

@charlespeterwatson he says im chris hansen with dateline nbc and police arrest his wife for having sex

[Admirturano]

@charlespeterwatson chris hansens wife is 12 years old.. 

[camelCaseFTW]

@charlespeterwatson have a set over there... lol

[RainbowManification]

@charlespeterwatson I want to blank your brains out

[xPinkStrifex]

@charlespeterwatson  any one of these lines...

[marked3life]

"I can believe Im actually thinking about blanking your blank."

[templecpa2002]

"Blank my blank and blank you"

[ej0080]

i cant control my horny level LOL

[thoselilbirdies]

XD haha

[MakeUpJunkie00]

WTF!! 1:14 to 1:18 i might want to cut you and suck on your blood wow that is scary

[ncPsychosis]

lol

[mstep3]

lol.....at first I thought he said...."Let you shit on my chest with your knees over my forearms and punch me repeatedly....."

haahahaahaaa!!!!!

[Pokerjon222]

I want to cut you, and suck your blood... (o_o)'

WTF!!!

[bumblepuss]

How do you make "I might want to cut you a little and suck your blood" not sound creepy?

I know... follow it with 'lol'. That'll do it.

Maniac!

[KMFDM420]

"Let you sit on my chest with your knees over my forearms and punch me repeatedly"

[jbf501]

"laugh out loud"

[hen695]

I HAVE A BIG TOO

[OPTICS24]

I bet chris hansen gets off by reading all these quotes. But damn what some of these freaks say is funny as hell!

[nellyfanfalyfe]

lol

[shaynah01]

Blank my Blank and Blank you lmao!!

These quotes are classic! All of them!!

[crazyhypergurl]

LOOOOOOOL<3 Chris Hansen is a fucking god. LOL.

[2SidesOfAShinyCoin]

lmao punch me repeatedly hahahahahaha

[MsChulaa]

bunch - a - freaks LMAO!

but those blanks made everything so funnnny..lol

[timoth88]

This is very good, but you forgot to include "just using my noodle, so you can use my OTHER noodle."

[iheartyoohtube]

LOLOLOLOL!!!

[sockglue]

"did you say you were ready to have my THANG in your mouth" LOOOL

[thebaifengtzu23]

The best by FAR!!!! "want to watch a movie with your hand down my pants" LOL!!!!

[XaviersSecretary]

(reply the baifengtzu23)

Or no pants at all. We can be bare naked all day. Rofl. Disgusting :P

[mlc871]

The one at 1:20 doesn't sound at all like Chris Hansen

[toadshaw91]

omfg LOL so much at

"I'll be your bear, and we bears like tasting honey..."

When Chris Hansen says that you can tell he's trying to hold the lolz back XD

[amdturion123]

Blanking your Blank....Lmao!

[chargerfan333]

im gonna use this video do make a sundboard

[madscout96]

I bet this is how Chris Hansen talks dirty to his wife... lol

[madscout96]

Replace the word "blank" with "smurf"... lol

[sillybilly44444444]

who said the thing about the bears and the honey?

[lurch321]

I came.

[RaNdY04gt]

"I CANT CONTROL MY HORNY LEVEL" HAHA

[lilrowyravenclaw]

"I'll tease it with BLANK"

The people who book these guys must have WICKED proud mothers!

[oatmealpizza4u]

haha holy shit that is so fucking funny!!! I want to stick my blank in your blank.!!! HAHA i wonder what he said haha

[Bearnecked]

LMAO

[mlc871]

These guys are my personal heroes, they should get rid of that shitty TV show Heroes and change the name of this show to Heroes.

[XxZeeroxX]

WHAT THE BLANK!

[HenshinMasta]

"Have my THANG in your Mouth"

Only before i BLANK her BLANK, Then BLANK her BLANKing Lights out in the Shower after.

[emetalce]

LOL, those are awesome!

[JSM10069]

"I might want to cut you a little, suck on your blood" ???

Things have changed since I last dated ... we used to just blank and blank all night long, but at least we didn't blanking cut each other!

[ethica151]

i fapped to this

[smellyfecal]

blank my blank and blank you lol

[hydraloveingman1]

WTF?

[lesm32]

HAHAHAHHAHA

[SCHeartless]

*BLANK*

[slaugter12]

what about his famus saying saying sir have a seat

[KoutetsuTenshin]

'I can't control my horny level'

[labordayweekend]

I feel dirty now

[2strong2cool]

Phahahahahahahahahahahaha

Great stuff

[SupaAFC89]

"blanking your blank"...

Interesting...

[po0pdawg]

wow "i wanna cut you and suck your blood LOL"

[KajiCarson]

A pedo vampire. O_O

[xtsxsparky]

good stuff