How an autism spectrum disability affects my life now

[sausseriana]

ur eyes are beautiful!

[MsRosebudRez]

This helps me understand my five-year-old. She is able to "fit into the mainstream" a good portion of the time, but she still lives life through the lens of a person on the ASD spectrum. You give me hope.

[SexualTyrannosaurus1]

You don't seem very autistic.

[MsRosebudRez]

@SexualTyrannosaurus1 I'm pretty sure that was the point of the video... to not be so concerned about the "label" or "definition" of autism spectrum disorders, but to understand that it is a spectrum.

[sketchyou]

this video was made about 1 year 4 months ago, but i relate so well to you. thanks for making the video :)

[GameRelatedStuff]

nasty hair color.... =/

[darkling2222]

You have pretty hair.

[JBTheMovies]

I'm sure the process goes differently for everyone with an autism spectrum disability, but I was curious as to how old you were when you began living on your own? Do you know other people in the PDD community who have taken particularly more or less time to adjust to an independent living situation, job, school, etc?

[AllstarHunE]

she kind of looks like emma watson :o

[RandomAxOfViolets]

if other females criticize you, it's because they're jealous -- as you are WAY better looking than the average female....not trying to compliment you -- just stating the captain obvious.

[1beelabeille]

You are such a sweetheart! Thank you for the video and your honesty and charm. I have very recently been diagnosed with AS and I'm over 40 and a super creative girl. I really connected with the things you show here. Wishing you all the light and power and color and beauty you can imagine! Nice stripey tee!

[Krysta1Rose]

Well done for making this :0 i'm an aspie too, so i'll drop you my video!

[fancymanchucky]

Thank god you posted this video, otherwise I may never have learned what 'derealization' was.

[njagala]

I just commented on your other video. Thanks for clarifying about ASD and aspergers here. I recently started working in the schools with a bright 10-year old boy who was diagnosed last year with ASD. I don't think he knows much about ASD and he feels negative about life and has heart-breakingly low self-esteem. I'd love to see another video with your opinion about ways in which people with and without ASD can work with people with ASD to help them feel better about themselves and their lives!

[cory100]

i dont see nothing wrong with you i just see a very pretty girl talkin

[olegsavala]

Do you enjoy life ?

[erewrwify]

So.....I'm a girl with Asperger's....anyone on here wants to talk, give advice, about our experience, how to cope etc. ?

[AllstarHunE]

@erewrwify

i think if you made a video of yourself with specific questions, many people would give advices etc :o?

[erewrwify]

@AllstarHunE LOL sorry if i'm rude, but what are you talking about? :D Did I comment on this video before??? LOL i don't even remember what i said..... :P

[KagenoTaren]

@agr8username C-PTSD and BPD, while they can certainly overlap and can arise from the same situations, are not the same disorder. I, for example, have C-PTSD but am not Borderline, probably because the situations that caused it happened later in life, after the portions of personality development that BPD affects were mostly done.

[KagenoTaren]

I actually really like the term Aspergers, because I don't feel like I have to backpedal the same way I do if I say autistic. I am much more comfortable saying "I have AS (or "I am Aspie") and it is an actual disability and here's why" than "I am Autistic but here's how I'm different from someone lower function. It's the same reason I don't tell people I was in an abusive relationship. I don't want to cause people to think things are worse than they are.

[sparkinman]

hon you are totally adorable!!!!



[Nionicle]

I just realized I have a hard time looking someone in the eye even in a video =(

[cometaaalii]

hi, i wish you could fix the volume of the video. i can barely hear you and I REALLY want to :o)

[intricatic]

I like the zombie metaphor. I feel like that a lot. Do you attribute emotional qualities to inanimate objects? Like when someone throws something away or treats an object with indifference, it elicits some inexplicable emotional nostalgia? I've been qualified PDD-NOS by one doctor, and autistic by another. [had to recover from severe anxiety and repost this]

[Antreus]

I have ASD too and this was a great insight for me . You hit a lot of the cognitive issues that I struggle with also but that I have failed to get insight in on through academic-diagnostic works. This video will help me communicate my symptoms to others better. I agree with you on the Asperger's label too - it was stupid.

[fyafyta13]

I've been watching asperger's videos for an hour now and am convinced i'm an aspie...

[spookles99]

You absolutely blow me away. Thanks so much for making these videos. They have really helped me understand myself.

[dub7ion]

I think most asperger labeled people are just mislabeled gifted/bright people.

[Rusty6790]

Do you cling to people you feel more comfortable and feel overwhelmingly displaced when that person leaves, doesn't pay attention to you, or something similar? That's one of my main issues. I can't connect with people around me, but try to use a person as a security blanket. When that security blanket is out of reach, I just want to leave, even at family gatherings.

[gorramdoll]

@Rusty6790 absolutely! having friends with autism helps because we are each other's security blankets but I don't know if that's a healthy solution

[nerdymom2]

@gorramdoll and your like me about the internet thing, im way better with talking skills online then in person.....

[zukofan02022]

You look like Hermione Granger, and what is Aspie culture?

[pungsv3tt]

boobs or gtfo. im aspie. woman aspies are real whiny. asspies!

[jasongran7]

I am diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder & ADHD and I can identify with a lot of what you've said.

[Soressi1]

Don't listen to the idiots who think they can diagnose you, or UNdiagnose you, off the cuff. I have had a real problem with people believing me, because I'm relatively smart - so they think I'm lying when I say I don't understand something.

It can be very lonely to be us... You're doing a really good job & life will get easier as you get older. I sure wish I had the internet when I was young. (I'm 50.) If you ever need to talk, or NOT talk (lol), I & others are here for you.

[gorramdoll]

@Soressi1 thanks <3

[nerdymom2]

@gorramdoll i'm not sure how to add you becuase of youtube changing their style but could you add me? i also have aspergers.

[UNDERGROUNDELECTRIC]

Such a fantastic inspirational video. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on autism! A wonderfully brave account of your experiences.

[bellatrixthechicken]

You are a female version of me its crazy

male PDD NOS here, I've gotten the dissociative experience all the time too.

Would you say that your asd is in a way like a long very mild shrooms trip?

[gorramdoll]

@bellatrixthechicken I've actually never done shrooms, maybe be more specific

[bellatrixthechicken]

@gorramdoll

Ive seen alot of people refer to pdd-nos like that independently of each other. I know that i sometimes just feel like I'm in a fog, with lots of random thoughts swimming around in my mind.

[jasongran7]

@bellatrixthechicken Psilocybin mushrooms would most likely have an adverse effect on someone who has a Austism Spectrum Disorder.

[nerdyharry]

@bellatrixthechicken no it can be though in short bursts. psilocybin was actually used successfully in sub-recreational doses and with regular therapy to socially integrate autistic children sometime in the 50's or 60's. i guess we've never heard of it because the researchers were afraid of encouraging millions of hippies to give their kids 6 hour vision-quests in the living room.

[bellatrixthechicken]

@nerdyharry

Ive actually seen a few studies that said that cannabis was helpful as well at getting autistics to be more socially integrated, and know of a few personally whom it helped.

[somethnvague]

@bellatrixthechicken I smoke cannabis on a regular basis and I have autism. I feel it helps mostly with the anxiety aspect of things, however I'm not so sure about anything else.

[USERNAMEKLEMPTOR]

I cant stand loud noises like vacums and lawnmowers, Im not sure if I could live on my own completely honestly. Im not sure if I could even have a job either. I have ticks like pulling my hair and punching and hurting myself. I broke my left hand by punching a wall because I was at the wrong place. I take meds but they work for the most part but not all the time. yeah I dont know what to do

[gorramdoll]

@USERNAMEKLEMPTOR how old are you? what meds are you on?

[USERNAMEKLEMPTOR]

@gorramdoll im 19 years old

risperidone .25 mg once a night

fluoxetine (prozac) 10 mg once a day

[gorramdoll]

@USERNAMEKLEMPTOR well...obviously it's your choice but I know a lot of people with asd who have had antipsychotics forced/pushed on them as kids and it's been a bad experience for almost everyone I know. how long have you been on risperidone? whose idea was it?

[USERNAMEKLEMPTOR]

@gorramdoll my previous doctor prescribed it to me. Ive had that medicine when I was I believe 4 years old. Now my new doctor told me to get rid of it because of weight gain and uncontrolable shaking and stuff. She also told me that I need my prozac amount raised from 10 mg to 15 mg

[gorramdoll]

@USERNAMEKLEMPTOR dude I'm sorry, that's fucking awful, you should not have been on antipsychotics since you were FOUR. I really think you should try some time without meds (getting off them safely and gradually of course) so you can learn what if anything is actually useful for you. no one should have to grow up not knowing what they're like off meds.

[USERNAMEKLEMPTOR]

@gorramdoll honestly I cant just do that. the things is that I need prozac not risperidone. Without it its gonna be 10 times worse. my dad told me that im most likely gonna need medicine for the rest of my life.

[gorramdoll]

@USERNAMEKLEMPTOR I think antipsychotics are a lot more likely to be dangerous for you than antidepressants. but I do wonder how you know it's going to be 10 times worse when you have never been off medication. I'm not saying your should live your life without meds if they help you, but how do you know what does or doesn't help you when you don't know what you are like off meds?

[USERNAMEKLEMPTOR]

@gorramdoll there times where I forgot to take meds.........It wasnt pretty

[gorramdoll]

@USERNAMEKLEMPTOR I'm sorry to get so personal, obviously it's your business, but it is scary to see you taking your dad and doctor's word for it about something so important

[USERNAMEKLEMPTOR]

@gorramdoll its ok you sound so understanding about all this. and you seem like a very nice person. but yeah I would rather choose the doctors advise than my dads anyday

[USERNAMEKLEMPTOR]

yeah I have autism I got diagnosed when I was 2 years old. I have really bad emotional issues. I go in tears for quite a while for like no reason at all. when I get pressured and stressed, I shut down and people wont understand what im talking about. I tend to explode and walk out of class. Its hard for me to remember every little detail of what someone is saying. I hardly have any friends. I dont follow instructions too well sometimes. and Its hard for me to explain how I feel. my life sucks!!!

[gamonman]

I was diagnosed @ 36yrs and my son is Autistic too. I have Aspergers while he has more. There is nothing "wrong in quotations" with you. You do a really good job of explaining how you feel and you've put it into words that which I've never been able to express. I find comfort in what you're saying because I'm so worried about my son. I know what I've been through so I can at least offer one piece of advice... Remember that your young years are the most difficult. It all makes more sense later.

[MalusProductions]

I can relate to all of this! I seriously thought I was crazy or something for quite some time. Overwhelmingly nice to know there may be a genuine cause for the way i perceive and interact with the world. Liked, Favorited, Subscribed!

[Rascal77s]

@gorramdoll good video. You explain AS very well through your examples and I know this video will help people who are trying to figure out whats "wrong" with them.

[Porrameneitor]

You look like Emma Watson

[agr8username]

You are very articulate and a deep thinker, like me. I can relate to dissociation, caused from repeated childhood trauma and abuse from care givers, a form of PTDS, called Complex PTSD or C-PTSD or Borderline Personality Disorder. I believe my AS was caused by deliberate medical error, stopped oxygen to my brain (hypoxia). The zombie thing you talk about, if you are taking medication it maybe whats causing you to have that effect.

[pwnedbyfishies]

a lot of people who i surround myself with dont believe that i have asperger's. i think this is because i have learnt to hide how i am because of bullying when i was small

[TheSTRELOK1911]

why would anyone like you ever complain about mental instability, your hot thats all that matters

[gorramdoll]

@TheSTRELOK1911 are you for real, when I was a kid other kids used to chase me down the hall at school yelling that I was ugly. I think "hotness" is a pretty subjective thing and whether someone benefits from being "hot" usually has to do with a lot of other factors than what their face or body is actually like.

[TheSTRELOK1911]

@gorramdoll then tell them theyre ugly, hit em, shoot em, you have potencial in life compared to me

[gorramdoll]

@TheSTRELOK1911 don't think I can go back 10 or whatever years and hit people in the past. what's going on with you right now?

[Rascal77s]

@TheSTRELOK1911 You ask why? Did you even listen to what she said in the video? I'm trying not to be too harsh but your comment is extremely insulting. 68% of people with AS and HFA can't live independently and 100% struggle daily to fit into the 'normal' world. Most people with AS/HFA have co-morbid depression. You think "hot" is all that matters?

[SavageXenomorph]

No offence but you don't seem that autistic with your higher speech and ability to still talk and interact with people and sharing your emotions to youtube if I didn't know better I would think your just an ordinary teenage girl and me being an ordinary 14 year old for some reason you turn me on.

[gorramdoll]

@SavageXenomorph dude I'm 23, you should stick to girls your own age

[SavageXenomorph]

@gorramdoll Really you look much younger than that but it didn't really matter to my brains chemistry considering you look young, talk young, and are hot but like I said when I see a hot, nice understanding women/girl It turns me on like any other teenager except for the fact what the women/girl acts like anyway but I don't know you and was just saying from what I've seen in your video it seems like any guy would be lucky to have you, but anyway have a good day/night.

[cestmarrant]

It sounds like you're really struggling to understand your experience. Much of what you've said sounds very similar to what life has been like for me. I'm 61 now, and have finally found someone who I feel safe talking to. I wish there was more written about this kind of experience, but I think the people who write books and do research mostly don't live in this kind of reality. I appreciate your being who you are.

[mybelovedsushi]

you are SO insightful! Thank you for putting words to the feelings and behaviours which I have been carrying around for years, while being confused about what was going on. It's like PING! Also, and you must be tired of hearing it but if you ever attend a Harry Potter Convention, please dress as Hermione. You would make so many people very very happy :)

[arikdahn]

YES. I couldn't figure out who you remided me of. It's Harry Potter's sidekick who's name is virtually impossible to spell. Furthermore, it's been nearly a year since this video. How are you doing lately?

[arikdahn]

To be honest, I thought it was ass-burgers for the longest time and had nothing to do with personality. Thanks South Park! I mean, sorry to hear about your situation. Also, when you brough zombies into this, I felt attracted to you. Just don't get suckered into drugs, the legal kind specifically even if that means you listen to the crazy god fanatic lady. MD's enjoy monetary sexual relations with drug companies.

[gorramdoll]

@arikdahn oh believe me I know, I spent a year of high school doped out of my mind and I'm thankful it wasn't more.

[romans52345]

@gorramdoll what were your marks like in school??

[gorramdoll]

@romans52345 average?

[romans52345]

@gorramdoll you say avarage with the question mark at the end of it like you are saying "what are you asking me that for?" well the reason i am is because i could possibly have aspergers but they have to run more tests to be positive, but the thing is they say that Aspies are highly intelligent but my Grades were very much below avarage but yet i can remember the dates of every wrestlemania from 1-27 so that is why i asked, i have a fantastic memory for irrelevent things but they are

[gorramdoll]

@romans52345 I don't think it's irrelevant. I don't think everyone with the same disability has to have the same level of intelligence, but also, just because someone is "intelligent" in the IQ sense doesn't mean they can do well in school if cognition and organization problems are messing with their ability to learn or do schoolwork.

[romans52345]

@gorramdoll relevent to me.

Thank You

[earthnfyredesign]

You've related a great deal of very real and useful thinking, here. I know a large group of moms that will heave lots of sighs over it. I know that my son feels very much like you do, and I can think of times in my life when I did, and so understand wherein the disability lies -- exeuctive dysfunction kind of zaps, taps and saps the strength of cognitive assets, doesn't it... and no one can see that.

[punkkimono]

Thanks so much for this video. Like you, I only know what I've read in books. I don't know anyone else with an ASD and I this video really helps me to stop feeling like a total misfit and gives me the courage to stop trying to pretend I'm not the way I am. It's such a relief to hear that someone has experiences like mine. It's courageous to post a personal video like this, and generous. Thank you.

[gweniewhinnie]

Absolutely. That's normal. But somehow I always come back to the parts I DO understand. 

[gweniewhinnie]

I had been feeling both sad and mad that I had been obedient and yet was feeling tested (unfairly?).....but then knew afresh, that testing is part of life and the most important thing is to continue to believe that God is on our side and still there and even uses these trials in our lives for good. I had worried that I had lost God's favor but NO!....NOT true. God is coming again for us and is not slack concerning his promises but is not willing that any should perish. He's patient.

[gorramdoll]

@gweniewhinnie some parts of the Bible don't make sense to me and when I read them I feel farther away from God. does that happen to you?

[gweniewhinnie]

Read God's word is the most powerful thing, I think. Of course, you can hear it,

sing it, and then hide it in your heart as you find specific truth that relates to your

life and needs now, and that can comfort you and give you hope in the darkest of

situations. Just yesterday I was feeling bad because life is just not so sweet right now and then I remembered Daniel, and Joseph and that they, although they were obedient and faithful, did not escape extremely trying circumstances.

[Excessivecontrast]

You have a darling personality!

[MrTimothytim]

Damn i would like to get to know you : )

[gweniewhinnie]

Can't see air either but it's there. Sometimes you can feel it though. Same with Jesus. There are ways to experience him. You can read about him if you want in the new testament. It's just a beginning.....maybe the gospel of John. And then you can go to God through Him by faith. If you want me to tell you my experience I will but that would take a little longer.

[gweniewhinnie]

Sounds like it's difficult sometimes. Sorry. But you are growing up and coming to some very good conclusions. Sometimes you are probably in your head too much and other times you can't help it. It is what it is. Jesus can help. He's always there when no one is around to help. He helps me get out of my head and helps me just to live. Gives me a better perspective. Anyway, you are very cool and I appreciate your sharing. Thanx.

[romans52345]

@gweniewhinnie Jesus is Always there?? Funny i can never see Him

[gorramdoll]

@gweniewhinnie thanks. Jesus and I have been having a rough time in the past few years but I try to remember He is there. going to church is stressful for me and when I do get myself to go, it doesn't feel like it makes a difference, but I can't think of any other way to try to change things.

[bot23453]

Thank you very much for opening up on your experiences with autism. I recognise your axiety and 'big ideas' and concentration issues. I was diagnosed with ADD for these reasons but now the shrynk wants me to test for autism. It's confusing, and therefore it's nice to have some interaction with other people that open up.

don't worry about your previous video. people love you and old stuff isn't relevant today

[maxgunn555]

you are not aspergers at all. with all those songs with guitar. more like narcistic.

[crandalsandwich]

so neat to hear. super neat. i was trying to get to bed an hour ago and stumbled upon your videos. thank you for sharing. is that a guitar in the background? do you play?

Good Luck with all your stuff! Cant wait for walking dead season 2 to come out!!

[myshihtzudontstink]

i understand the zombie part. i have aspergers and my wife is going through some kind of depression and she decided to leave 2 weeks ago, no warning. Right now I'm so lost and i just feel like I'm seeing the world through a foggy window. I'm to the point where i can almost not function but i'm trying to follow my routine and i find myself doing the same things i always do cus thats all i know but i have no interest in them. I'm sure for anyone this would be difficult but I'm completely lost.

[gorramdoll]

@myshihtzudontstink gosh I am so, so sorry. good luck

[romans52345]

@gorramdoll For some reason you look like a Beatles Fan

[InvisibleAspie]

Thanks for making this video. It's very helpful. You seem to have a very good understanding of and outlook on things. I'm impressed and inspired.

[Fozzy757]

Thank you so much.

[KatsumotosHeart]

I hate labels but I suppose they are for a reason. I think I have aspbergers Sp? But anyway you seem like a very unique and wonderful person. I think I walk wierd too.(different from others) Im 49. Probably too late for me to figure it all out. But I know some about the syndrom. best wishes in life. :0) Good video.

[ffemt99]

I would like to thank you very much for this video. hearing how something like pdd nos and how it affects or in some cases doesnt affect a persons life. it has helped me answer alot of questions about how my child feels.

[monstertruckess]

oMG I'm so selfconscious about the way I walk ! I just don't have the automatic walk in me ! Found out on a video of myself some months ago, I really walked like an idiot, so now I corrected it but I still geel really unbalanced. You're cool by the way. I can't talk in front of a camera about myself :)

[AwwwMuffinz]

Maybe you should look Into my channel.. Should make some videos on this. Thanks for your series..'s..lol

[Elly111Ellyaum]

this video helps me out a lot. I have PDD-NOS and such so I a lower functioning than you but I can relate to you so much.

[gorramdoll]

@Elly111Ellyaum haha I have pdd-nos too, but thanks I guess

[LiudaMikha]

You are smart and pretty! doesnot matter if yo are different.

You are perfect the way you are :-)

[AFLVideos2011]

@LiudaMikha Very Well Said.

I have Aspergers and Don't let people get to you even if it's hard

[AtomicRooster77]

I really enjoy your video. I myself have an undiagnosed Pervasive Developmental Disorder. It too has affected my life.  I was alienated and ridiculed by others who didn't understand my situation, and I was very hurt by it. I can relate to you, sister!

[executionator]

i like how NTs wouldnt really understand the humor in this video

makes me feel special :D

keep making videos, you rock

[lynch03]

wow, you seem completely normal...

[HaydnNeville1991]

Oh my god this video is like lookin in the mirror! haha ive got aspergers and have lots of mates but like you said i start resenting them bcz of whats goin on in my head an usually fall out with them or get socially withdrawn from all of em. And the bit about the strangers and family members i experienced really badly when i was depressed, it was almost as if i didnt know them when i walked in the room, its better now as i try to sit down an actually chat to em. Thanks fr postin this :) x

[CuriousColours]

I can relate to so many things you say in this video!! thanks for sharing :-)

[MJT828]

I ran out of room...go figure. I constantly try to explain things to my husband and others that derives them nuts and I have to keep telling my self to keep it short. so will also keep this short. but Thank you alot as the more I learn the better I understand. Cant afford a dr. to diagnose but really dont need diagnosed as we both fit so many things so well. I hope stuff is better for you now than 2 months ago. again thank you alot. God bless~

[MJT828]

@MJT828 that DRIVES them nuts...is what I meant to type :D lol

[MJT828]

Thank you for posting this. I am sure my son has Aspergers and always knew he was a bit different with things, he's 14 now and I've just in recent years learned about it, the more I learn and read the more sure I am that I have it too, as a mom my 'symptoms' are different than his but some of the odd things he tells me I can relate to and know others think those things are weird,,,textures that make him 'cold,' sounds, melt downs that make him tired. me feeling like I'm imposing on people etc

[skriglangka]

It is like Tarzan in the jungle. All the monkeys think that he is a strange and disabled monkey, because he can not swing from tree to tree in his arms, but he does a lot of un-monkey-like and advanced things, that the monkeys do not understand.

Seen from the monkeys point of view, Tarzan is a bad monkey, but from a human point of view he is a hero, because we can understand that his conciousness is far more advanced.

[skriglangka]

I do not see you as disabled, but as "conciousness enabled", because are you more aware about your self than most people. The bad thing is that the other people (NTs) are not, and do not understand the way your mind works.

I am also aware about the things I do and how I do them and therefore I move in odd ways, but I can understand the way you "see yourself" from with-in. From this state of mind, you can NEVER act in an unconscious way, because you "try".

Correct me, if I'm wrong.

[skriglangka]

@3:30 you talk about being concious about the way you walk. I Think being "self-aware" is one of the most important things about autism NT's run on auto-pilot most of the time, so they walk and talk and react in a "natural" way, that is without knowing or thinking about what they do and how they do it. I see this in many female autism youtube videos.

In the higher states of conciousness, that you reach after many years of meditation, You become aware that the body is not "you", but your body.

[skriglangka]

I see you as one of the important representatives of autistic culture.

1. You have a very gentle and pleasant personality, at least on camera.

2. You don't seem like a nerd or odd person, but you have your "little ways", like the expression on your face when you "think". It's so cute,(sorry)

3. You make music and share it on YouTube.

4. You are fairly intelligent, when you get serious

5. You are open about autism

I have a link your music on my big link page:

"frit autisme forum links"

[Brendon00000]

these days when you see a kid acting crazy you for sure think that their autistic, for methat was the story I was told that I for sure had aspergers and I do till today but i look at my past to see holy shit was that really me, its different in kids from adults im 18 and most cant tell if im different or not, but yet I am still not very social, more than beofre though, and I have to say tue biggest thing for me is sensitive hearing, it sucks for that I cant be around balloons, guns, fireworks,

[DracoAquarian1]

Completely identify with trying to act "normal". I have autism, high functioning and undiagnosed. I find that if I ignore other people and act like myself people will accept me, or at least get used to me !

I can't stand socially over-demanding people. They overload me quick, though I have come up with methods to bypass and alleviate those situations.

One of my main concerns is my need to stim. I've gotten good at watching myself and not doing it in public, but I'm not always perfect.

thanks

[scatter1goku]

Thanks so much for posting these videos, it's an incredibly selfless and generous thing to do and I hope you know how much these can help people. I teach high school and I'm going to show your videos to a class I'm teaching. You're so wonderfully articulate about your life, you should be very proud.

[gorramdoll]

@scatter1goku oh gosh, well thank you.

I'd appreciate if you showed them videos like this & other more recent videos because the old videos are from when I was just starting to think about disability and being disabled and I don't agree with a lot of what I said in them, I was just kind of parroting back what I'd absorbed from other places. sometimes I feel weird about even leaving them up. so I'm glad that you like and are watching this video instead of those.

[4Teddybears]

@gorramdoll

It's good to see that you question the validity and meaning of your diagnosis... but I supose if it wasn't your nature to question everything, you wouldn't have got the diagnosis in the first place.

That is if I am correct in my understanding of a lot of high-functioning diagnoses (misperception of the reasons behind actions).

[x60mmx]

I'm way too familiar with dissociation and derealization :-/ It gets really hard because sometimes it comes on too strong for me to notice that it's happening and I end up isolating myself and cutting people off. Then when I come out of it, it's time to rebuild. Gets really old. One of the most frustrating parts is how sometimes a light bulb will go off in my head and tell me what I'm doing but by that point I feel so distrusting of people from isolating myself that I find I can't act on it.

[x60mmx]

@x60mmx And often I'll find that glimmer of insight closes quickly and I forget all about it. I hope things are going well for you, if you ever want a chat/penpal let me know!

[NiamhFrancisPianist]

I can identify with everything you're saying! I'm far more able to get involved with people when I'm not worrying about my weirdness - I now know why I'm odd and I'm ok with that! And it's ok to be disabled - people tell me it's a bad label to put on myself. It's not! It's the only reason I feel ok to ask for help! I have big problems with thought processing. I can work on my obsession or other big projects, but the little things are hard - day-to-day stuff; meals, dressing, housework, to-dos...

[malcolm9001]

your lucky u have the whole facial moveemnt NT thing going on my face is dead

[gorramdoll]

@DeityofStuff stuff is really shitty right now, I appreciate you leaving a nice comment. :)

[arizona13ay]

@gorramdoll You seem very bright & everything you mentioned was deeply thought out . I personally feel that you have alot going for you. I hope you focus more on the bright side of things, sometimes its a habit that has to be relearned. nice vid

[CuriosityRocks]

Thank you for this video, I can relate to a lot of your experiences. : )

[gorramdoll]

@CuriosityRocks oh cool I'm glad

[Lnred1]

I am really old compared to you and just found out I had Asperger's this year. Had a diagnosis of Bipolar before. I listened to almost all your videos and they made me really understand the Aspie parts of myself. Your videos really helped. At my age, I have adjusted and relate socially finally but it is exhausting and I get migraines a lot. But I am sorry to hear you say you don't think of yourself as Aspie at all. Anyhow thanks for all the videos and you have a nice singing voice, too.

[candirosettalee]

thanks for the updated video, very nice.

different is not inferior.

[legendbooks]

I'm new to the concept of asperger's syndrome. needless to say i havent been exposed to it. what exactly does it mean? and what is your experience? i apologize if i sound uninformed because i really dont understand it. would you mind educating me on the subject?

[AllOtherNamesTaken2]

I think you might be the only person I know of who has experiences similar to my own. Your voice also sounds a lot like mine, despite being female, and I notice your eyes move in ways similar to how mine move while talking.

[3laraaslisaani]

I like how you put the context of the last (Asperger's) video in passing. A big part of my Asperger experience was inhibiting my physical and facial responses, not talking much, and believing that people would discount what I had to say, so I didn't bother for a long time. This was in response to how I was treated if I spoke my mind or acted spontaneously, and I refuse the Asperger's label because I believe what I went through is intrinsic in the social disease, and not my edgy brain.

[gorramdoll]

@3laraaslisaani thank you for your comments, it's nice to know someone has such similar experiences. I still consider myself disabled because I'm affected cognitively & emotionally but I don't really consider myself socially disabled just because some people may not get along with me or like me because I'm different. (I don't mean to sound like a conflict can never be my fault, but I don't think it's automatically my fault because I have ASD.)

[3laraaslisaani]

@gorramdoll I'm sorry if it's strange how similar my experiences are to yours--or if I'm writing too much or personally. I've been enjoying what you write a lot, and found it very useful to treating myself as a person, and thank you for your reply, and I agree with how you frame ASD problems. Thank you for being out there and present.

[gorramdoll]

@3laraaslisaani why would you be sorry? I mean I know a lot of people who I have similar experiences/opinions to but you just seem to have come to a lot of identical conclusions which is, you know, exciting

[3laraaslisaani]

@gorramdoll It was a combination of the end of the week nerves that I read into when you thanked me for my similar experiences, twice: "What does she mean," I thought to myself, feeling stressed, "Does she feel weirded out?" Anyway. Well, I feel we've similar experiences, which is why I agree with a lot of what you've written--and also, I haven't had time enough to disagree! Give me a few weeks to formulate something. I wish there was more traffic from your asperger's post to this one.

[iriji1]

You look like a younger Carrie-Ann Moss. Totally cool :D

[lolwtf92]

This comment is totally unrelated to anything, but to me, you look a lot like Emma Watson. Just different face shapes. Just thought I'd share that.

[gorramdoll]

@MartinMirror1 I'm not wrapped up in myself. things are fine.

[motleyprism]

Hey, I posted a video response, but I'm not sure if it works. Anyways, I just think we have a lot in common. Thanks for speaking up about these issues. That's the best we can do, besides sit back while they iron out all of the controversy.

[Papanda1995]

@motleyprism Same here

[HangOnToYourEgo]

I was diagnosed aspergers this year (at 25!) despite struggling all my life with basic living. (at school I was assumed to be mildy intellectually disabled, in adulthood as just crazy I guess)

Interesting to read how you've rejected the aspergers label and what you say on the matter makes sense to me.

I related to what you said about the walk. I have dyspraxia as well as ASD and I walk at an inconsistent pace- sudden bursts and slow downs etc. It's really awkward when people point it out.

[tesssssssful]

i wish i had the ability to put my my experiances with aspergers into words....i think the more people that are aware of aspergers/autism in its true form and are not being fed the same old bullshit misconseptions, the better.

[jjazman1234]

You posted the first video (last year) in response to me asking you how it affected your life. This is all very interesting. But I am a little curious about the traits that are actually mentioned in the dsm, like not developing normal social relationships, lack of eye contact, not understanding facial expressions, and stereotyped repetitive behavior (i.e. special interests). Do those things affect you too? You seem very smart and always have interesting videos by the way.

[gorramdoll]

@jjazman1234 I mean, yes I have strong interests (and do all the other repetitive behavior stuff like stimming and getting stuck on things) and I don't like making eye contact. I obviously had trouble with people when I was younger, not so much now. I often feel like the dsm description of autism is very medicalized though. Someone like me who is nonstandard may be a total outcast in more mainstream settings but in more subculture-y settings like where I go to school, it's not as big a deal.

[gorramdoll]

@jjazman1234 actually having thought about this more--I tend to think that a lot of the stuff in the dsm is very superficial and is much more visible in kids than it is in adults. I think autism is largely a cognitive and processing disability. So that's why I don't relate super strong the dsm definition of autism.

[jjazman1234]

@gorramdoll That's interesting because I think that a lot of adults who would be (or have been) diagnosed as children would not be diagnosed as adults because they have learned coping skills and no longer fit the strict criteria for diagnosis. It makes you wonder if there should be different dsm criteria for adults.

[3laraaslisaani]

@gorramdoll I agree; and the DSM focuses on things that strangers or acquaintances would notice but not friends.

[gorramdoll]

@3laraaslisaani exactly.

[BSbusters]

I admire the way you can put yourself out there and your honesty. Don't worry too much about what other people think or feel inferior to people with good social skills In my experience most of them are shallow, empty headed, and selfish anyway. You are superior in a lot of ways, you just don't know it yet.

I love your songs btw.

[twirlingchair]

I feel just like a zombie sometimes too! except i don't fancy brainz that way. x)