The problem with PIRATES was that it was run into the ground and dragged through dirt. First film was funny. It wasn't anywhere near as great as many said it was, it was better than a movie based on a ride had a right to be, Depp was funny. It was diverting fluff. OK, very nice, lets all move on with our lives. It was when all of a sudden this was the greatest character ever and this franchise was the new STAR WARS and blah blah that I got annoyed as hell. WAY too much of a mediocre thing.
@loveallthepeople1000 Maybe you didn't get it right, I'm not saying he said the video games are bad I'm saying that his comments ont his picture are as good as his comments on his blog specifically the one I mentioned, just like I had nothing to do and I'm going to say something about lets say "video games" and "violence" and then in the end of the article just get nowhere and tell people to ask about to other people who actually know about these things... yeah that totally makes perfect sense.
@Mein353 You've got him muddled with another critic I'm afraid. He's never said anything like that. In fact, on the few occasions he's addressed video games, he has taken the opposite position whilst making it clear he knows very little about the subject
he's a bit obsessed with 2001 A Space Odyssey...and Johnny Depp's performance is great! And the first film was funny! Other then that he's kinda right. Could make a nice set of Ikea furniture out of Keira Knightley's performace...brilliant
Mark, you're horrible movie critic. You have no idea of what actually makes a good movie and you hold all films to you list of "All films must be like this or they are crap". You CANNOT possibly ever know a good movie when it sits in front of you, I am able to write better reviews than you are. "Accomplished critic" my arse.
@LivinWorstNightmare Wrong. All of the Pirates films have been frigging awesome. I had never heard of Depp or Knightly, and knew Bloom only for his FANTASTIC role as Legolas. The Pirates movies are imaginative works of genius.
Come on now, those movies were terrible. The soundtracks were overblown and flavorless, the performances are bland and uninteresting, there is no plot, and the story meanders about pointlessly.
It should have been, at worst, a cheeseball homage to the ride, but it doesn't even achieve that paltry aim. It only draws a disappointing contrast to the brilliant atmosphere achieved by those old school wed imagineers.
@Ryuu501st The fact that you used the phrase "friggin awesome" and the word "genius" to describe Pirates of the Caribbean makes your opinion worthless. Edward Scissorhands and Dead Man were easily Depp's best performances, so if you think he's good in Pirates you should check those two out.
Mark Kermode lives on complaining. Would there be nothing to go on a whinge about, Kermode becomes Vladimir and Estragon. Btw, the B-roll on this video is a film in itself. Simon Mayo deserves either an academy award, or a big beer. Does Kermode really do anything?
@mango850 All critics love writing bad reviews, there is absolutely nothing which is as fun and a good rant about something you hate while knowing you're getting paid for it. In the end, Kermode is a guy that is paid by the BBC to go see movies and then tell people what he thinks of them, that's actually a job, like for real.
This comment has received too many negative votesshow
You see. This guy has a problem. He thinks he's gods gift to movies. This movie wasn't made for stuck up brits. It was made for americans, which don't require everything to be "Spot on" all the time. This movie is meant to NOT make you think. Assuming that it is something other than what it obviously is... is idiotic. Seriously. Did half of the house of commons crawl up your "Bum" and die? Hopefully that coronary that is in your close future decides to reschedule for tomorrow after this
@Eradarus I lost you at "This movie is meant to NOT make you think." Do you realize how profoundly stupid that sounds? Some would say that light popcorn entertainment doesn't require you to think, but the notion that a movie was MEANT to not make you think is the weakest defense for mediocre blockbuster entertainment i've ever heard.
@ahegele Yes. I do. Not all of our brothers and sisters on this planet are striving for intelligence. I know it sounds bad but its the truth. And some market to them. There is nothing wrong with it. It might not improve the human condition but it is truth. Take a step back, think outside the box and take it at face value. Not all of us wish we could have dinner with Einstein. I'm intelligent enough to recognize the difference. Nothing at all wrong with it.
@Eradarus I'm having trouble following your argument... You want me to "think outside the box" in order to understand that this specific film is "meant to NOT make you think." You do realize how absolutely stupid that sounds? Think that over in between your condescending remarks toward people who ask for coherent stories in blockbusters and your ignorant attitude toward British culture.
How the fuck is a movie made to NOT make you think? Are movies made just to thrill people on special effects and not story?
Plus you're bitching that the movie was made for Americans and not british people. I guess you should include every other country that agrees with him.
if a movie is made to not make you think, then you obviously have no idea what real movie making is. People remember movies for STORY not special effects.
@Eradarus You just insulted your entire country by saying that only Americans would be stupid enough to like this film, but I suppose being American you're probably too dense to realise that right? (That's an example of what we call irony)
Kermode can talk for england lol, but i could kiss him for his views on this garbage movie. I went to see the first Pirates movies in the cinema with some mates of mine and when the film ended i had to listen to them say "that film was amazing, i think im gonna take my girl friend and see it again, Tont what did you think of it....great wasnt it.....".....er......NO, IT WAS FUCKING SHIT!!!!, WHATS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!. Thats what i felt like saying, i really just nodded
We get the picture you didn't like the film. Why does he seem to think that his opinion is fact? Is he just going to dismiss the huge profits from the franchise as a terrible accident? What an idiot, anyone can slag off a film isn't he meant to be a critic?
I think Kermode is wrong about Johnny Depp. Without Johnny Depp nobody would have seen this Movie. Without Johnny Depp the first Piratesfilm would have been quite nice, but that would be it. Johnny as Jack Sparrow brought the original flair to these movies.
It's not true that you can't judge a film without watching it. I've never seen any of the POtC films (a franchise based on a stupid amusement park ride? Excuse me?), but I've seen the trailers. The trailer serves multiple purposes: to lure people in, and also to warn off those of us with more sense.
It was a terrible movie, yes. However, this guy just comes off as bitter that he wasn't in it! Good god man, calm down! I can't say that I've ever become this excited about something that I hate. Jealousy stings, hey?
Guys that masturbate to The Godfather, Schindler's list and Deer Hunter probably should'nt review films that are really intended for teenagers. This guy is killing a mouse with a shotgun. Honestly what is this guys problem.
@maximusman4 So The Godfather, Schindler's List and The Deer Hunter are just machisimo flicks intended for teenagers while Pirates of the Caribbean is a mature, thoughtful masterpiece. Eh? Stick to your day job, bud.
@blondie666 Never said Pirates was a great thought provoking piece nor did I say The Godfather, Schindler's list of Deer Hunter are for teenangers. Where did you get that from? I'll keep going to my "day job" while you sit at your parents place all day on youtube. Good luck moving out when you're 32. Bud.
Mark bigged up Nanny McPhee and the Twilight tosh and yet slates this as the worst ever. Nowhere near as bad as he makes out.
He pick at the most minor points. Pirates 1 was amazing. Pirates 2 was average with 3 being in the middle. Not heard one Mark Kermode review that gives me a valued opinion on a film that i do or dont want to see. The guy is embarrasing.
@antcox2006 If you think Pirates 1 was "amazing" then you are in no position to be calling anyone embarrassing. Should you really be opining on cinema? Wouldn't you be better suited to offering your views on the strongest Pokemon is or something similair?
@williamwilson666 pirates 1 was one of the best family films of the last 10 years. born out the mould of films such as goonies,indiana jones and other true fun family experiences.
films dont have to be serious or up for an oscar to be good.
Would like to know your choice in films as i can imagine you being an Avatar sheep. As for opinioning on cinema, I have a unlimited pass and go 4-5 times a month so yeah really, i should.
@williamwilson666 i have a low opinion on your ideas about films...and your apparant lack of.
Anyway back to Mark Kermode. Anyone who gives the Pirates franchise a slating yet gives the faecal matter that is Twilight a big thumbs up needs melting down for glue.
Sorry about that rant before. I respect people's opinion as undoubtately, people HATE the Pirates franchise. But Mark, could u AT LEAST say it like its YOUR OPINION and not like its fact. Becoz for ur information, some people actually LIKE Pirates of the Caribbean! I still respect u though as ur a funny critic.
MARK, HOW ON EARTH COULD YOU PRAISE SUCH SHIT AS THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON AND RIDICULOUSLY TRASH ALL THE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN MOVIES, ALL THREE OF WHICH I LOVE. AND YES, THE MOVIES DID HAVE A PLOT TO THEM U JUST WERENT PAYING ATTENTION! I agree with ur The DaVinci Code Review, but regarding Pirates of the Caribbean - YOU ARE SO WRONG IT IS SO GOOD!
Damn, this guy needs to meet Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw from Zero Punctuation. The greatest rant-storm of all time would spawn from the meeting of these two people.
Mark is the best film reviewer in the world. No red carpet treatments for him, like the sycophantic morons in Empire or Total Film- he tells it like it is. Keep the diatribes coming, fella!
I shit on Empire Magazine. Anything that claims that the Phantom Menace is better than Dead Man's Shoes or the Deer Hunter should be shut down immediately.
Any magazine that puts that godawful Transformers flick in a list of the greatest films of all time should fire its editors and consider filing for chapter 11. Because someone there is credibly bankrupt/
@NeonBlueAlex Back in the mid 90s Empire was fantastic. Lots of fantastic articles about indie film making and other interesting things that film nerds love. Then Andrew Collins (I think) took over as editor. Overnight it became filled with "top 100 explosions in shitty films" and high ratings for terrible films, all the cool indie stuff was slung out the window.
vaguely enjoyable at the time. but totally unmemorable film. the first film was by far the best. i can actually remeber what happened 4 years on having only seen it once.
I disagree with pretty much everything he said, but despite that I laughed all the way through because of his hilarious metaphores and opinions, even they were meant to insult some of my favorite actors and one of my favorite movies of all time. XD
Ha! I can hear you judging. If i tell you my other favorites you are either going to say one of two things: "You must have had a moment of insanity when you decided you liked this movie" or "Oh, that explains it, you just have bad taste all together" depending on whether you approve or not, respectively. I'd rather not hear either if you don't mind, so i won't be answering.
I agree with him about Orlando Bloom, I don't rate him either - and I know this rant is probably supposed to be funny, but after a while it sounds like you're actually being antagonised by a drunk teenager.
I also didn't like the first movie, personally, but I enjoyed 2 & 3 - I don't know what the problem was with Jonny Depp, I thought he was good.
Learn how to read little girl. Nobody said it making money makes it good, I said it being a hit franchise makes it memorable... I made this point to contradict you saying nobody would remember the pirates franchise. Whether or not the films are good is subjective, the fact that they are smash hits is a fact.
Grow up and stop insulting anyone who likes something you dislike. You're opinions are not fact, get over yourself. I never even said money equals quality, don't blame me for you're poor reading skills. Bottom line it's a successful franchise and I know people of all ages who love the films, that is their right just as it is you're right to hate the franchise. Stop taking movies and yourself so seriously.
I just read Kermodes autobiography. It is hilarious. He talks about this review in the book so I had to come check it out for myself. Amazing.
jamesthemod 2 weeks ago
@jamesthemod is that "The Good, the Bad and the Multiplex"?
blokey8 2 hours ago
I fear that my growing understanding of the "loads of stuff happens but nothing happens" conundrum means that I am actually growing up o.O
blokey8 2 weeks ago
Does this guy like any movie? except for stanley kubrick his movies... ( wich are great btw)
ritsch 1 month ago
@ritsch He loves The Exorcist, it's his favourite film ever.
Maximillionaire666 1 month ago
@Maximillionaire666 hm.. Figures...
ritsch 1 month ago
The problem with PIRATES was that it was run into the ground and dragged through dirt. First film was funny. It wasn't anywhere near as great as many said it was, it was better than a movie based on a ride had a right to be, Depp was funny. It was diverting fluff. OK, very nice, lets all move on with our lives. It was when all of a sudden this was the greatest character ever and this franchise was the new STAR WARS and blah blah that I got annoyed as hell. WAY too much of a mediocre thing.
hanshotfirst1138 1 month ago
@hanshotfirst1138 All true, its like a kids film for adults and looking at the figures is not good viewing from an itelectual standpoint
keflar5 1 month ago
Their podcast is excellent. The reviews often more entertaining than the films themselves!
Swodeyem 2 months ago
I've been trying for so long to remember the rant which began with Simon quoting a listener: "It's going to be a screamer." Re-found it at last!
BlueThunderFlik 3 months ago
...he doesn't like The Rolling Stones?
orkavorn 3 months ago
Simon Mayo's a bit of a twat, isn't he? I actually watched this video for the review, not to see his feigned boredom.
TenWhoWereTaken 4 months ago
@TenWhoWereTaken To be fair, it's a radio review. The live stream is just a couple of mates messing around to amuse the audience as a little extra
pjwillman 1 month ago
First film was good, the sequels sucked balls.
TenWhoWereTaken 4 months ago
orloodo blam...
frenchmonkeyinafez 4 months ago
@frenchmonkeyinafez I think it was meant to be Orloomdo Bland ;)
blokey8 2 months ago
His comments are as good as his "violent games make you a killer" blog, just another critic
Mein353 4 months ago
@Mein353 he didn't say that you. do you work for fox news?
loveallthepeople1000 3 months ago
@loveallthepeople1000 Maybe you didn't get it right, I'm not saying he said the video games are bad I'm saying that his comments ont his picture are as good as his comments on his blog specifically the one I mentioned, just like I had nothing to do and I'm going to say something about lets say "video games" and "violence" and then in the end of the article just get nowhere and tell people to ask about to other people who actually know about these things... yeah that totally makes perfect sense.
Mein353 2 months ago
@Mein353 You've got him muddled with another critic I'm afraid. He's never said anything like that. In fact, on the few occasions he's addressed video games, he has taken the opposite position whilst making it clear he knows very little about the subject
pjwillman 1 month ago
he's a bit obsessed with 2001 A Space Odyssey...and Johnny Depp's performance is great! And the first film was funny! Other then that he's kinda right. Could make a nice set of Ikea furniture out of Keira Knightley's performace...brilliant
adob2 5 months ago
Apparently this guy is more worried about the history where the movie takes place other than the movie it's self. What a load of crap
jesse1006z 5 months ago
Mark, you're horrible movie critic. You have no idea of what actually makes a good movie and you hold all films to you list of "All films must be like this or they are crap". You CANNOT possibly ever know a good movie when it sits in front of you, I am able to write better reviews than you are. "Accomplished critic" my arse.
Ryuu501st 6 months ago
@Ryuu501st
80% of his reviews are right on, including this one.
LivinWorstNightmare 6 months ago
@LivinWorstNightmare Wrong. All of the Pirates films have been frigging awesome. I had never heard of Depp or Knightly, and knew Bloom only for his FANTASTIC role as Legolas. The Pirates movies are imaginative works of genius.
Ryuu501st 6 months ago
@Ryuu501st
Come on now, those movies were terrible. The soundtracks were overblown and flavorless, the performances are bland and uninteresting, there is no plot, and the story meanders about pointlessly.
It should have been, at worst, a cheeseball homage to the ride, but it doesn't even achieve that paltry aim. It only draws a disappointing contrast to the brilliant atmosphere achieved by those old school wed imagineers.
Just admit it, and go develop some taste.
Jcolinsol 5 months ago
@Jcolinsol Hmmmmm nope, I'm still saying the Pirates movies are all awesome.
Ryuu501st 5 months ago
@Ryuu501st The fact that you used the phrase "friggin awesome" and the word "genius" to describe Pirates of the Caribbean makes your opinion worthless. Edward Scissorhands and Dead Man were easily Depp's best performances, so if you think he's good in Pirates you should check those two out.
bennyboyjones 1 month ago
@bennyboyjones Let's not forget Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
glassmuxxic 3 weeks ago
Mark Kermode lives on complaining. Would there be nothing to go on a whinge about, Kermode becomes Vladimir and Estragon. Btw, the B-roll on this video is a film in itself. Simon Mayo deserves either an academy award, or a big beer. Does Kermode really do anything?
mango850 6 months ago
@mango850 All critics love writing bad reviews, there is absolutely nothing which is as fun and a good rant about something you hate while knowing you're getting paid for it. In the end, Kermode is a guy that is paid by the BBC to go see movies and then tell people what he thinks of them, that's actually a job, like for real.
Slug99 6 months ago
Obloondo
DmitryDragunov 7 months ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
You see. This guy has a problem. He thinks he's gods gift to movies. This movie wasn't made for stuck up brits. It was made for americans, which don't require everything to be "Spot on" all the time. This movie is meant to NOT make you think. Assuming that it is something other than what it obviously is... is idiotic. Seriously. Did half of the house of commons crawl up your "Bum" and die? Hopefully that coronary that is in your close future decides to reschedule for tomorrow after this
Eradarus 7 months ago
@Eradarus I lost you at "This movie is meant to NOT make you think." Do you realize how profoundly stupid that sounds? Some would say that light popcorn entertainment doesn't require you to think, but the notion that a movie was MEANT to not make you think is the weakest defense for mediocre blockbuster entertainment i've ever heard.
ahegele 6 months ago
@ahegele Yes. I do. Not all of our brothers and sisters on this planet are striving for intelligence. I know it sounds bad but its the truth. And some market to them. There is nothing wrong with it. It might not improve the human condition but it is truth. Take a step back, think outside the box and take it at face value. Not all of us wish we could have dinner with Einstein. I'm intelligent enough to recognize the difference. Nothing at all wrong with it.
Eradarus 6 months ago
@Eradarus I'm having trouble following your argument... You want me to "think outside the box" in order to understand that this specific film is "meant to NOT make you think." You do realize how absolutely stupid that sounds? Think that over in between your condescending remarks toward people who ask for coherent stories in blockbusters and your ignorant attitude toward British culture.
ahegele 6 months ago
@Eradarus
How the fuck is a movie made to NOT make you think? Are movies made just to thrill people on special effects and not story?
Plus you're bitching that the movie was made for Americans and not british people. I guess you should include every other country that agrees with him.
if a movie is made to not make you think, then you obviously have no idea what real movie making is. People remember movies for STORY not special effects.
LivinWorstNightmare 6 months ago
@Eradarus You just insulted your entire country by saying that only Americans would be stupid enough to like this film, but I suppose being American you're probably too dense to realise that right? (That's an example of what we call irony)
bennyboyjones 1 month ago
Kermode can talk for england lol, but i could kiss him for his views on this garbage movie. I went to see the first Pirates movies in the cinema with some mates of mine and when the film ended i had to listen to them say "that film was amazing, i think im gonna take my girl friend and see it again, Tont what did you think of it....great wasnt it.....".....er......NO, IT WAS FUCKING SHIT!!!!, WHATS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!. Thats what i felt like saying, i really just nodded
SamHain1031666 8 months ago 3
simon mayo is a passive aggressive vagina in every Kermode review - he's no less of a tit here
mrfrostynova 8 months ago
@mrfrostynova - why the misogyny?
purplevolcano 7 months ago
This is probably the best Kermodion rant next to Sex & The City 2, brilliant! Didnt even stop for breath!
Animationgatecom 8 months ago 2
Do not dis the Mayo
roverinboro 8 months ago 9
Wow the Disc Jockey in this is a total tool.
AntZudan 8 months ago
Mayo is funny in this one. Personally I love all three films and I will see the fourth one.
Hyman74Roth 8 months ago
what a tosser, i hope he dies in a fire
Nixxy1992 8 months ago
@Nixxy1992 hahaha just because hes right and your wrong?
roloug95 8 months ago
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Nixxy1992 8 months ago
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Nixxy1992 8 months ago
We get the picture you didn't like the film. Why does he seem to think that his opinion is fact? Is he just going to dismiss the huge profits from the franchise as a terrible accident? What an idiot, anyone can slag off a film isn't he meant to be a critic?
Nixxy1992 8 months ago
Milk Tray advert. lol
Classic.
WeAllReviewMovies 8 months ago
I love how this rant is the same length as pirates 2 rant
aa5dmc 8 months ago
I think Kermode is wrong about Johnny Depp. Without Johnny Depp nobody would have seen this Movie. Without Johnny Depp the first Piratesfilm would have been quite nice, but that would be it. Johnny as Jack Sparrow brought the original flair to these movies.
claptonfreak6 8 months ago
It's not true that you can't judge a film without watching it. I've never seen any of the POtC films (a franchise based on a stupid amusement park ride? Excuse me?), but I've seen the trailers. The trailer serves multiple purposes: to lure people in, and also to warn off those of us with more sense.
sulijoo 8 months ago
"It's like watching two chairs mating" LOLZ =))))))))
TheSauronator 9 months ago 2
I keep coming back to this review for a laugh- even if I like the POTC films Kermode just cracks me up.
I seriously cannot wait for his review of the fourth film in May.
butterflymuppet 9 months ago
It was a terrible movie, yes. However, this guy just comes off as bitter that he wasn't in it! Good god man, calm down! I can't say that I've ever become this excited about something that I hate. Jealousy stings, hey?
csmurray1980 9 months ago
@csmurray1980 what? He just didn't like it. Where on earth did you get that he's jealous that he wasn't in it?
blondie666 9 months ago
I bet Kermode can't wait for Cannes 2011!
importedmusic 9 months ago
Positively Tiki
liquidfreak 9 months ago
i Can't wait for the stranger tides review
liquidfreak 9 months ago
Guys that masturbate to The Godfather, Schindler's list and Deer Hunter probably should'nt review films that are really intended for teenagers. This guy is killing a mouse with a shotgun. Honestly what is this guys problem.
maximusman4 9 months ago
@maximusman4 So The Godfather, Schindler's List and The Deer Hunter are just machisimo flicks intended for teenagers while Pirates of the Caribbean is a mature, thoughtful masterpiece. Eh? Stick to your day job, bud.
blondie666 9 months ago
@blondie666 Never said Pirates was a great thought provoking piece nor did I say The Godfather, Schindler's list of Deer Hunter are for teenangers. Where did you get that from? I'll keep going to my "day job" while you sit at your parents place all day on youtube. Good luck moving out when you're 32. Bud.
maximusman4 9 months ago
i havent seen this coz i refuse to. they bore me.
BRm2008 10 months ago
Watching this with YouTube's 1911 Mode enabled makes this even funnier.
zionravescene 10 months ago
I love his subtle quips. "Orlando Bland".
Leatherbubba 10 months ago 3
Best critics review ever.. Simon Mayo .... Brilliant
ashleywetherall 10 months ago 2
This comment has received too many negative votes show
And this is exactly why NOONE listens to critics they are all stupid!!!!
cpas123able 10 months ago
@cpas123able eat shit. his right about those movies. they are all the same and interchangeable.
BRm2008 10 months ago 2
mayo makes this!
1962Partyhat 10 months ago
I actually really liked this movie, yet everything kermode just said, made complete sense!
SweetMintPie555 11 months ago 24
I agree completely with the kermodester.
ogfunk187 11 months ago
I'm thinking of going as a Keira Knightly King Pirate for Halloween.
Then I can walk up to people and go, "Trick or Treat! HAHAHArrr-a-ha-har???"
crazyrabbits 11 months ago 3
Positively Tiki
liquidfreak 11 months ago
Get the audio from this video at thetunify doht cohm.
KessiaErba682 1 year ago
I'm reading out this in his book! I wish I had commented 2 years ago so that I could have been quoted xD
lydz25 1 year ago
I love it when he brings in stanley kubrick :D that makes any film look bad
imgonnafuckuup1 1 year ago 2
I love it when he brings in stanley kubrick :D
imgonnafuckuup1 1 year ago
The Keira Knightley "Yarrr" impression is incredible!
yordel2 1 year ago 25
KermodeLAD
thejuryconsultant 1 year ago
Seeing Mayo's chair empty... xD
ExtremeBogom 1 year ago
This review never ceases to crack me up. Just genius (and true) on so many levels.
"The magisterial talent of Orloondo Bland." Dear lord that killed me. xD
ThatIzzyGirl 1 year ago
Poor Simon Mayo, having his soul crushed beneath the Brobdinagian weight of the (admittedly excellent) Kermodian Rant...
Motor42CD 1 year ago
My boyfriend made me go see this film....one of the few things in life i mega regret!
samzie05 1 year ago
@samzie05 the film or the boyfriend? haha
iainlm 1 year ago 3
spot on as usual by kermode, the first was decent, the other 2 were just total garbage
iveywebb44 1 year ago 2
2:56 i have found new respect for simon mayo!...mark kermode can talk for fucking england!
sumbl3b0b 1 year ago
nest of tables lol spot on!
Posthuman2003 1 year ago
pheew he sure knows how to talk without a break, very entertaining^^
DenDhur 1 year ago
I mean fairs fair, POTC 3 is shit... But how dare he say the first POTC is crap!!!
cod26 1 year ago
Watched Pirates 3 on tv. It was sooo bad.
madammao 1 year ago
He's barking mad!
asilem4991 1 year ago
It was completely shit!
twobitsworth 1 year ago
Talk about butthurt. Someone give this guy a hug. I wonder if his wife left him on the day he watched it.
lexsov 1 year ago
"Orlando Bland"
Klassic Kermode XD
lordtufty 1 year ago 3
wow a huge blue microphone
tubebellator 1 year ago
1st pirates is an entertaining film, the other two are RUBZ!
and yes Twilight is boring but you don't have to follow him religiously make up your own minds BECOME YOUR OWN KERMODE!
btw I do love Kermode.
weareskaters 1 year ago
Ikea Knightley and Orloondo Bland !.... lol
trickykid73 1 year ago
Mark bigged up Nanny McPhee and the Twilight tosh and yet slates this as the worst ever. Nowhere near as bad as he makes out.
He pick at the most minor points. Pirates 1 was amazing. Pirates 2 was average with 3 being in the middle. Not heard one Mark Kermode review that gives me a valued opinion on a film that i do or dont want to see. The guy is embarrasing.
antcox2006 1 year ago
@antcox2006 If you think Pirates 1 was "amazing" then you are in no position to be calling anyone embarrassing. Should you really be opining on cinema? Wouldn't you be better suited to offering your views on the strongest Pokemon is or something similair?
williamwilson666 1 year ago
@williamwilson666 pirates 1 was one of the best family films of the last 10 years. born out the mould of films such as goonies,indiana jones and other true fun family experiences.
films dont have to be serious or up for an oscar to be good.
Would like to know your choice in films as i can imagine you being an Avatar sheep. As for opinioning on cinema, I have a unlimited pass and go 4-5 times a month so yeah really, i should.
antcox2006 1 year ago
@antcox2006
Best family films of the last 10 years? You must have a very low opinion of your family.
williamwilson666 1 year ago 2
@williamwilson666 i have a low opinion on your ideas about films...and your apparant lack of.
Anyway back to Mark Kermode. Anyone who gives the Pirates franchise a slating yet gives the faecal matter that is Twilight a big thumbs up needs melting down for glue.
antcox2006 1 year ago
Kermode's best rant ever!
I agree with him about Stellan Skarsgard, he is a great actor.
MontyPython246 1 year ago 2
yah hello ha ha ha ha ha !!! lol
trickykid73 1 year ago
Fuck, Mayo's reactions are just a classic as Kermode's rant.
BunionMann 1 year ago 4
Sorry about that rant before. I respect people's opinion as undoubtately, people HATE the Pirates franchise. But Mark, could u AT LEAST say it like its YOUR OPINION and not like its fact. Becoz for ur information, some people actually LIKE Pirates of the Caribbean! I still respect u though as ur a funny critic.
MbFilmReviews 1 year ago
@MbFilmReviews Of course it's his opinion. All art critiquing is opinion. That's the point.
NeonBlueAlex 1 year ago
MARK, HOW ON EARTH COULD YOU PRAISE SUCH SHIT AS THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON AND RIDICULOUSLY TRASH ALL THE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN MOVIES, ALL THREE OF WHICH I LOVE. AND YES, THE MOVIES DID HAVE A PLOT TO THEM U JUST WERENT PAYING ATTENTION! I agree with ur The DaVinci Code Review, but regarding Pirates of the Caribbean - YOU ARE SO WRONG IT IS SO GOOD!
MbFilmReviews 1 year ago
One of the most entertaining Kermode rants EVER....!!
hongyeung5 1 year ago 4
This is the single most accurate, entertaining and honest film review of all time, Your the man Mark!
nelsano3 1 year ago 5
Mayo you CUNT
AcousticTreat 1 year ago
Love this review.
Azardamus 1 year ago
wow simon is just really annoying. why pretend you're bored by your cohost? no one likes watching other people being bored
flemchuck 1 year ago
the keith richards and johnny dump bit was great
MrMctuck 1 year ago
Mayo facepalming is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. He hates Kermode SO MUCH xD
coliander 1 year ago
Simon Mayo: you aren't funny, stop trying, it's annoying.
henrythesteinberg 1 year ago 3
lol wood
Duffman89detmig 1 year ago
The first one was absolute bilge-wrong-no it was rubbish!!!
oneworldfamily 1 year ago
HAHAHHA yep that sums it up
KEVBO7125 1 year ago
Can anyone think of two people you would rather spend an evening down the pub with?
markydeeks 1 year ago 2
I think Kermode did that all in one breath :S
wonderfulwomp 1 year ago
Damn, this guy needs to meet Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw from Zero Punctuation. The greatest rant-storm of all time would spawn from the meeting of these two people.
Unrea6lMe 1 year ago
Just read Kermode's Book 'It's ONLY a MOVIE' and he talks about this particular review - ha ha ha - Its such a good book! READ IT!!!!!!!!!!
EricMiaow 1 year ago
the part at 9:00 where he does Keith Richards and Johnny Dump is great
MrMctuck 1 year ago
hes also a crictal fucking prick
darlinchav 1 year ago
kermode just comes across an utter cunt
darlinchav 1 year ago
@darlinchav
ah di'dums.
God forbid someone actually tells the truth about this fucking piece of shit
invisiblekid99 1 year ago
@invisiblekid99 u wana get mouthy? well give ur number pm it u cunt n will ave a row arrange a meet n fighttt
darlinchav 1 year ago
@darlinchav someone doesn't share your opinion so you want to fight them? you've got it all sussed out.
eimead 1 year ago
@eimead Lets hope darlinchav never stumbles across Kermode's review of lock stock
markydeeks 1 year ago
This has been flagged as spam show
@markydeeks
"darlinchav
1 month ago
hes also a crictal fucking prick"
not sure if he gets the whole "critic" element of the job.
eimead 1 year ago
Comment removed
invisiblekid99 1 year ago
@invisiblekid99 u mouthy cunt we can all be the big man on ere lets see wot ur like in real life PM ur number u fuckin prick and ill cave ur face in
darlinchav 1 year ago
Comment removed
invisiblekid99 1 year ago
@invisiblekid99 well PM ur number u cunt and well see about that
darlinchav 1 year ago
@darlinchav Dude, seriously, give it a rest.
invisiblekid99 1 year ago
@darlinchav lol u mad
Ruffleswolf 1 year ago
The Best Film Review Ever.Keep 'Em Coming Mark
ballygall3 1 year ago
yeah i hate these films, and they're making another i hear.
EllSiefilms 1 year ago
Orloomdo Bland ftw
MalachorWraith 1 year ago 2
Mark is the best film reviewer in the world. No red carpet treatments for him, like the sycophantic morons in Empire or Total Film- he tells it like it is. Keep the diatribes coming, fella!
gefnanroolz 1 year ago 3
I shit on Empire Magazine. Anything that claims that the Phantom Menace is better than Dead Man's Shoes or the Deer Hunter should be shut down immediately.
NeonBlueAlex 1 year ago 49
@NeonBlueAlex
Hear, hear!
Any magazine that puts that godawful Transformers flick in a list of the greatest films of all time should fire its editors and consider filing for chapter 11. Because someone there is credibly bankrupt/
togio100 1 year ago 2
@NeonBlueAlex Back in the mid 90s Empire was fantastic. Lots of fantastic articles about indie film making and other interesting things that film nerds love. Then Andrew Collins (I think) took over as editor. Overnight it became filled with "top 100 explosions in shitty films" and high ratings for terrible films, all the cool indie stuff was slung out the window.
dotzvbjnp 1 year ago 3
@NeonBlueAlex So do I, it's populist shit.
TheDensley7 1 year ago
@NeonBlueAlex What the hell are you on about?
Empire gave Phantom menace 3 stars, Dead Man's Shoes 4 stars and Deer Hunter 5 stars.
Needham90 1 year ago
@Needham90 Well, then they're inconsistent as well as shit. Check out their Top 500 Greatest Films, they have it online.
NeonBlueAlex 1 year ago
from 5:38 onwards XD
TraceurOmega 1 year ago 3
Is that a nest of tables?
elflamingo42 1 year ago 2
kermode is such a lad. :)
TraceurOmega 1 year ago 31
@TraceurOmega KERMODELAD
thejuryconsultant 1 year ago
@thejuryconsultant hahaha love it
TraceurOmega 1 year ago
I think the two do not agree on this movie. I kinda thought it was ok as stupid entertainment. I thought it was some fun.
Regenmacher175 1 year ago
I love coming back to hear his vitriol over this (IMHO) terrible film.
I"m going to watch the Transformers 2 one again, despite being in the audience the first time round.
simozonelayer 1 year ago 2
I love Dr Kermode :)
DanielJohnsLover 2 years ago
ORLANDO BLAND!
metalreign81 2 years ago
Couldn't have said it better..
DanthemanCTU24 2 years ago
vaguely enjoyable at the time. but totally unmemorable film. the first film was by far the best. i can actually remeber what happened 4 years on having only seen it once.
logicalhope 2 years ago
I disagree with pretty much everything he said, but despite that I laughed all the way through because of his hilarious metaphores and opinions, even they were meant to insult some of my favorite actors and one of my favorite movies of all time. XD
dandylion99 2 years ago
seriously? pirates of the caribean 3 is one of your favourite films of all time? what are your other favourites out of curiosity.
TraceurOmega 1 year ago 2
Ha! I can hear you judging. If i tell you my other favorites you are either going to say one of two things: "You must have had a moment of insanity when you decided you liked this movie" or "Oh, that explains it, you just have bad taste all together" depending on whether you approve or not, respectively. I'd rather not hear either if you don't mind, so i won't be answering.
dandylion99 1 year ago
Jeeez.. Kermode REALLY doesn't like Pirates.
I agree with him about Orlando Bloom, I don't rate him either - and I know this rant is probably supposed to be funny, but after a while it sounds like you're actually being antagonised by a drunk teenager.
I also didn't like the first movie, personally, but I enjoyed 2 & 3 - I don't know what the problem was with Jonny Depp, I thought he was good.
adamchyk 2 years ago
The greatest rant of all!
partyhat3 2 years ago
Zodiac did NOT suck...if you think it sucked you don't understand a thing about film.
That was the Fincher film that should have been nominated as opposed to that horrible, over hyped Benjamin Button film.
Sshelly34213 2 years ago 3
@Sshelly34213
Learn how to read little girl. Nobody said it making money makes it good, I said it being a hit franchise makes it memorable... I made this point to contradict you saying nobody would remember the pirates franchise. Whether or not the films are good is subjective, the fact that they are smash hits is a fact.
kthevsd 2 years ago
@Sshelly34213
Grow up and stop insulting anyone who likes something you dislike. You're opinions are not fact, get over yourself. I never even said money equals quality, don't blame me for you're poor reading skills. Bottom line it's a successful franchise and I know people of all ages who love the films, that is their right just as it is you're right to hate the franchise. Stop taking movies and yourself so seriously.
ElvisMusic711 2 years ago 2
I agree with every word!
SteelBolt4 2 years ago
"... live from James King's Palace of Earthly Delights" xD xD XD
zionravescene 2 years ago
Haha!! he is great!!!
klassetompa 2 years ago
mark is right this film is crap
Awesomeblue33 2 years ago
Orlando Bland and Ikea Knightly
madammao 2 years ago 3
He's right about the opening sequence being completely out of place. It's rediculous... I mean it's like the opening of some kind of horror film.
Mystandrain 2 years ago 2
Only accept the victims were singing.
EvilgidgitReturns 2 years ago
That would work for a horror movie! lol It would only make it more eerie, imo.
Mystandrain 2 years ago
The Keira Knightley impression at 06:01 is priceless. lol
Mystandrain 2 years ago 2
The movie is not very good. That's just the way it is. But that doesn't mean it can't be liked by anyone.
Mystandrain 2 years ago