How do you defend yourself against an alligator? - Qi - BBC

[psycodollkiller666]

I want to breed Snout Punching Fish now...

[caro1ns]

I got a feeling Rich Hall is the guest who insists on seeing the questions first...

[ATetrisBlock]

I milked a stout-punching fish yesterday. Keeps boxing with alligators..

[2ndSSBggydbluds]

"Ahhh that was a good night"

[DYoshe]

Lies. I own a stout-punching fish. View my channel for SPF.

[GIASreviews]

Paperclip. That's the lightest, you can run the hardest with that.

[Stormwern]

"defending yourself" implies the aligator is charging you, in that scenario I think I'd feel safer with the handbag. Though ofc, the correct answer is a 13 ton weight.

[nekolin]

im at 1:35 and at this point im just screaming a mother fucking ruber band at my computer wtf i love this show i wish i could watch it here in america

[7CellarDoors]

I hate it when I actually know the answer to these things. Utter torment.

[ljdavies1987]

Just FYI, you should never punch a shark stoutly on the nose, you're likely to miss and put your hand in its mouth. The best defence is to use your thumb to gouge it in the eye.

[JaytheOstrich]

@ljdavies1987 Or even better, stay on the darn boat if you see fins.

[Camohat100]

actually all you have to do to a shark is flip it over

[PrimoFreak]

shoot it in the face

[KashmirKiddy]

this is the most i've ever heard rich talk in one go.

[Cupit29]

I'd have thought that the rest of the alligators muscles would be strong enough to knock you the fuck out, with or without an elastic band around it's mouth...

[audball911]

The thing is, to get a normal rubber band around an alligator's snout, you'd have to stretch it quite a bit. If it didn't snap, it'd be rather weak. Could the gator's muscles handle that, or are they even wimpier?

[finka123456]

@audball911 You probably not use your average rubber band.

[antichris78]

there is that shrimp that has the strongest punch in the world. wonder if one of them has knocked out a shark

[hellomoon23]

The Stout Punching Fish is actually a native to New Zealand!!

[MrEdLoop]

Is the American Guy (don't know his name) really from New Orleans? Because he just mispronounced the name of the city.

Also, what's his name?

[1878EFC2008]

@MrEdLoop

He's called Rich Hall. Definitely from the south, dunnno if he's from New Orleans though.

[Cryokinetica]

@1878EFC2008 Rich Hall is actually from Montana, so not southern at all.

[1878EFC2008]

@Cryokinetica

That's just where he lives at the moment. People sometimes move away from the place they were born in.

Honestly.

[Cryokinetica]

@1878EFC2008 haha, true enough, my bad. Wiki states that "Hall was born in Alexandria, Virginia and grew up in Mecklenburg County, North Carolina". That he lives in Montana (when in the US) might also be outdated since I heard it on 8 out of 10 cats about a year ago.

[VECTIZ]

@Cryokinetica And based on Mo from the simpsons.

[RandomTask3000]

@Cryokinetica @1878EFC2008 @MrEdLoop I don't know where Rich lives now, but he was born in Virginia, and grew up in North Carolina, so I'd say he qualifies as a southerner.

Also, I know that he didn't say "Naw'lins" or whatever like some people insist you should say it, but I don't know what's wrong with how he pronounced it.

[finka123456]

@RandomTask3000 He lives in london.

[mooncowtube]

There is no stout-punching fish that roams the oceans, there is no rubber-band bird in the Everglades. Stephen Fry FTW.

[Georgeous129]

i'm gonna have to pull you up on your nipples there....

[xMissInfidelx]

Knew the answer right away just from growing up in Florida.

Also, run in zigzags.

[RokiaNY]

@xMissInfidelx I heard that the running in zig-zags thing was a myth. ???

[datswotimtknbout]

the allegation joke is one of the funniest things i've heard/seen on any QI episode. why did it get such little response??

[Packie1984]

No alligator milk? Then what am I drinking?

[lordmcted]

@Packie1984 gatormaid :D

[TheSlinkyGuyShow]

@Packie1984 Do I detect a Drawn Together reference there?

[zero12151]

ruberband 1 Florida 0 Britain

[kokteng95]

"Haven't you ever milked an alligator?"

"No, no one has."

"If you think you have, I'm afraid you have a problem."

LOL hahaha

[ConourP]

Put the clips on his nipples!

[AngelBiLove]

bear grills, shame on you!

"car's run out of battery...better drink my own piss" -damn lol on bear grills

bear grills? BEAR GRILLS?? what kind of a name is that!

are you an animal, or a bit of an oven?

Bet you went to private school, didnt you. With your mates badger hobbs and gasstove squirrle. -ranting turtle on bear grills.

[sgtraytango]

@AngelBiLove hilariously, you're not too far off the truth

Grylls got his "Bear" nickname while he was at boarding school in Wales

[AngelBiLove]

@sgtraytango wonder why :o

[brendanhill]

@AngelBiLove *grylls

[astroboirap]

fuckin ads

[seitenshow]

ᴸᴹᴬᴼ

[benny6555]

better question, why the fuck would you want to go near an alligator

[JRoN1Mo]

@benny6555 If you're Steve Irwin...or from Florida

[ChaosXwillXprevail]

@benny6555 to gets to its delicious milk of course

[Ravage017]

@benny6555 what if you found yourself in a pool of them after waking up with no fingers or toes? *crawls back into cave*

[benny6555]

@Ravage017

if i had no fingers or toes i would probably bleed to death first

[ramman4488]

@benny6555 um.....for alligator milk? :P

[SuperWiz666]

...but watch out for the tail!

I always prefer to retreat...

If you watch alligator wrestlers (it's REAL not faked!) you'll note that they can usually hold the jaws shut with one hand, and with larger ones they try to stay on the back behind the head away from the feet and tail.

Alligators love suburbs for the same reason coyote's, skunks and deer--plentiful food. In the alligator and coyote cases, dogs are great free lunch. They're usually tied to one small spot and are thus easy to eat.

[Szaam]

Everyone looks so young on this clip. It looks like it was filmed in the 90s.

[muffin8or]

So the crocodile hunter doesn't need to throw himself at the jaws of them?

[blehface3000]

you punch a shark on the eyes or gills, not the nose

[DontSigh]

No rubber-band-bird? How sad...

[fecto3210]

Pretty sure a standard rubber band would do no good xD

[gyped]

@fecto3210 "a small stout rubber band"

[sihaso]

"Yes, ALL you would have to do..."

[789razza789]

That allegation joke was soo dead. I was cringing for that guy

[nonindividual]

@789razza789 I thought it was pretty good.

[spacecowboy5000]

@789razza789 Actually, the audience laughed and applauded - loudly.

[AlecTheConfused]

I had a stout punching fish when I was a kid..

[d4n1989]

is that crocodiles as well



[doubledouble55]

When I watch this show and I know an answer that they don't, I always think 'why don't they know this? If I know it they should know it.'

[rapiercutsdeep]

"there is no rubberband bird in the everglades" HaHaHaHa

I love these pommy git wits

[MaestroBabs]

LOL, "Allegation"

[rapiercutsdeep]

@MaestroBabs hell yeah, quick witted

[fonoflux1]

That's no moon...it's a space station.

[fox25web]

God I love Stephen Fry. I don't think we got this on BBC america. I probably woud've seen it.

[truediva18]

@fox25web It is not available on BBC America! You are correct. I just watch it online on youtube or bbc's website iplayer if I can.

[allicatviii]

@JohnFonts I'm still confused. How is that typically English or dickish?

[CairoDuqane]

holy cow! Bill sounded like an Alligator cut him off on the highway.

[JordanC6819]

how come you see people struggling to wrestle thier jaws shut then -_-

[Fuffix513]

@JordanC6819 Well, tbh I've never wrestled one so I wouldn't know for sure, but I'd guess it's mostly just acting or phsychological - what little I know of alligators is that there is a vast difference between the force applied when opening or closing the jaws. Of course, I've never seen one being wrestled down or done it myself, but most sources seem to indicate this

[Phaze252]

@JordanC6819

If you actually realized what you said you would have answered your own question.

They're wrestling with it.

Alligators and Crocodiles don't like to sit back and let you screw with them. They try and move there head to shake your hands loose and then bite you. The jaws however, are easily kept shut.

[JohnFonts]

the host seems like a typical english dick...

[DirtyWizardChannel]

@JohnFonts whats typical about him?

[JohnFonts]

@DirtyWizardChannel 1:59

[dawgpost90]

American is not funny at all

[pippylunalove]

what i don't get is how did any of them not know that a rubber band works best

[maikeru01]

@pippylunalove its a comedy show. theyre not trying to answer the questions accurately theyre trying to make jokes.

[pippylunalove]

@maikeru01 I know that, but still

[Intrets]

Stout-punching fish...

[Zolbat]

in an other qi episode i learned, that it's useless to punch a shark on the nose... you should go for the eyes or the gills if you're attacked

[Mispolmable]

As an interesting fact, Dolphins actually DO punch sharks in the stout with their nose in order to escape.

[askl23]

Rich Hall speaks the truth.

[Stn3dRaid3r]

rotfl @ the end

[Satan820]

actually there is a grab , i believe its a crab that has the hardest punch in the world

[shzze]

@Satan820 its a type of prawn i think actually or lobster

[JacksInn]

Wanna know how to survive a grizzly bear? STAY IN THE FUCKIN CAR. GO BACK HOME, WATCH A MOVIE. YOU ASSHOLE. STOP GOING WHERE GRIZZLY BEARS LIVE.

[hungeredone]

@JacksInn what if your in your house?

[olly123451]

Anyone else get the crazy "Last Chance Ad" Before this? :O

I suggest watching it, Something about trumpets, Angels, the pope dying, hunger, russia, High Temperatures, apparently 1/5th of pakistan was flooded, china is in a drought, More about the trumpets...

[Skip this ad now]

[KingTigern]

genius

[ArtemisFour]

Actually, if you make an alligator "blind" (put something over its eyes), it becomes rather calm.

[vadertjetijd]

@ArtemisFour

hahahahaha

that works with bunnies yes....

[nicsevern]

@ArtemisFour what if you play a game of picaboo?

[shomitb]

why does the BBC channel have ads? i understand the 4od channel having it, but BBC doesnt have ads on thier own network!

[purplehaze150]

@shomitb they dont have ads? do you mean the channel or bbc iplayer?

[FrisianDude]

@shomitb Ads here on this clip? That'd be due to Youtube, it doesn't matter who owns the video. :P

[jimjimbob123]

@FrisianDudethe ads on the video itself are dictated by the youtube user, in this case, BBCWorldWide.



[P2J6O8]

Defending ourself in court for wearing an aligator on your feet...I'm sure Ricky Martins been in that situation before.

[girlwithanattitude]

Actually, in the event of a shark attack, you don't punch the shark's snout (which will only evoke much anger and make it more aggressive), you have to force its eyeballs in with your thumbs. Taken from a recent survival class. :)

Just sayin'. :)

[ThePaperCUTS]

@girlwithanattitude I think that if I was attacked by a shark, I would be too afraid to even think of that. x_x

[matskugrr]

2003 wow.

[ProtestantsRUs]

I love Bill Bailey. That man is just legendary.

[matskugrr]

@ProtestantsRUs u are such a legend bill

[ncl1p]

In a later episode they point out that punching a shark on the nose doesn't work as good as punching it in the eye!

[concretepoo]

rubber band bird lol

[FrK0]

Male alligators are lucky bastards... A rubber band solves all their problems, no need for duct tape.

[gamingguy90]

11 people want a stout-punching fish.

[atomicnortherner]

lol a rubber band bird

[SibellaLouw]

There's a type of lobster that can punch...

[yeshuahfullofit]

@SibellaLouw I believe your are referring to the Mantis Shrimp.

[thomasimon]

@SibellaLouw Are you sure that should be 'punch' and not 'pinch'?

[Pazma1]

@SibellaLouw

I thought the exact same thing.

[BAMFPiccPimp]

@SibellaLouw except that a lobster isn't a fish

[benny6555]

@SibellaLouw

its called a pobster, its a distant cousin of the mobster

[ElPlonk0]

@SibellaLouw A lot of crustaceans can but they probably don't need to swim around and defend themselves from sharks

[henrique88t]

@SibellaLouw And boy the Mantis Shrimp can unleash a fullfledged Sonic Punch, because nature doesn't make a half-assed job when it comes to being awesome.

[eviloverlord22]

Yay for Steve Irwin for teaching me what you need to do with this situation!

[catuvelauni]

@eviloverlord22 Steve Irwin should have been wearing sunscreen because it would have protected him from harmfull rays .

I heard that his tombstone reads Ray Sting Peace

Why r pirates now hunting sting rays?????? Because they lead to a dead man's cheast.

[Blaccat8]

@eviloverlord22

Rest in Peace Steve Irwin<3

...although I always knew one day he would be killed...

...although I did think it would've been a crocodile rather than a stingray...

¬_¬ screw sea life... Steve Irwin was the best.

[peepseye1]

Go me! I got the answer right...even though it wasn't that hard of a question XD

[SheliakDragon]

Rubber band Bird in the Everglades...I'd like to see that...

[adely246]

A note: in event of shark attack, DO NOT PUNCH IT IN THE NOSE. that is possibley the worst idea ever.

[Schlurble]

@adely246 Stick your hand in it's gills.

[WonkyDoodle]

@adely246 go for the eyes!!!

[Athaeus]

@adely246 Exactly! All you'd have to do is to flip the Great White upside down, rendering it harmless and confused!

[SZYGY7]

Krav Maga and a pretty good Lawyer?

[dragonic2020]

"I believe in their natural habit, things like the ability to punch stoutly on the nose don't exist. There is no stout punching fish that roams the ocean."

Genius!

[sasamuraki]

1:12 "ingenious ingenious and so wrong" #LOL

[sinfulxthin]

ooooooor, you could shoot it.

[Nuggetol]

A easier option. Shoot it.

[groovyome]

asking rhetorical questions.

[mrleedra]

Rich Hall grew up in North Carolina, not Louisiana...

[Mccnuget]

I was kidding? Freak?

[Mccnuget]

This is insulting. All Australian student's are taught how to defend themselves against crocodiles, and its the same for an alligator.

[jjjmambo]

@Mccnuget ,,,,really?...Hmm, I must have been crook that day :)

[Roddyoneeye]

Yer supposed ta defend yerself against Food ?

[EvergreenAstronaut]

10 People can't spell Alligator.

[EvilKris]

heheh..i knew this one. i didn't thing a rubber band would do it though, a carrier bag might be enough but i don't think a rubber band would hold the mouth closed strongly enough.

also to kill an alligator the best way is with a knife through the soft fleshy part at the back of their skull, i believe the aussies call it 'pinking'

[ciaochowbella]

@EvilKris Duct tape.

I carry it in my purse.

Duct tape has a million uses.

[Redheadfury]

@EvilKris I believe that blowing it's brains out with a 12 bore Shotgun works too.

[KatieJohnsonTV]

@EvilKris now thats Quite Interesting *falls about laughing*

[z0mgrugbyreturns]

I was under the impression we paid a TV license for the BBC. What's with these fecking ads? I notice them on their websites too.

Fuck off BBC scum. IT's one or the other. You either make money with ads or taxes. You can't have it both ways

[z0mgrugbyreturns]

@Skinmeister2 Then the BBC should upload these videos to their UK channels.

The majority of views for videos on BBC worldwide come from Britain.

It's not difficult to make British viewers exempt from seeing ads. That'd be the common sense approach

[ngatfield]

@z0mgrugbyreturns Cool story Hansel...I'll make sure I tell Mark Thompson next time I see him.

[LemonZeppelin]

Punching a shark on the nose to subdue it is actually a myth and won't have much effect if you try it. If a shark attacks you, go for weak spots like the gills and the eyes.

[AnimalNitrates]

@LemonZeppelin I always found that punching in the water was not very effective. You should just swim away, really.

[DuhIdiot1]

@LemonZeppelin Problem being, of course, that those weak spots are positioned fairly close to the hundreds of pointy teeth and the attendant massive jaw muscles. I think the real best defense is hoping that the crap you take in your pants repulses the beast. :-)

[Restayvien]

Stout punching fish :)

[sedgambit]

Aligators are people too! So just leave the a-hang on...

[xena467]

"There is no stark punching fish that roams the oceans , there is no rubber band bird in the Evcerglades." lmao!

[ElveeKaye]

Is it actually possible to punch a shark on the nose? The water is going to slow your movements; the nose is a small, somewhat pointy target and your fist is likely to slip right off it; and the shark has a grip on some part of your body so that you probably can't even reach the nose, anyway. You would have to be blessed with phenomenal good luck to land a solid punch on a shark's nose.

[MsDDiddy]

@ElveeKaye: i tell you, if i ever have the pleasure of running into a shark, i won't stick around to find out how hard my fist will hit it.  it is solid fast swimming for me. same thing goes for the alligator.

[ElveeKaye]

@MsDDiddy And I'm guessing they don't respond very well to a good, stern talking-to.

[MsDDiddy]

@ElveeKaye: nope.  the only thing they'll respond to as a nice sharp harpoon.

[adontheball]

@MsDDiddy I don't think you would have any chance of out-swimming a shark.

[CheStillFighting]

@adontheball agreed, i think you actually have a slightly less-pathetic chance fighting it! same as the alligator, they can swim over 20mph

[thenailfactory]

@adontheball greg norman's not very fast

[smith3451]

@ElveeKaye there was an ozzy bloke that got attacked by a crocodile and got away by poking it in the eyes

[mercrazzle]

@smith3451 there were tons of ozzy guys who got away from crocodiles by all sorts of means :L

[Sunderland4life]

I want Karl Pilkington on Qi

[truediva18]

@Sunderland4life Karl Pilkington would be hilarious! My ultimate cast would be Karl Pilkington, John Barrowman, Robbie Williams, and Dawn French.

[MassMurderMontageSs]

@Sunderland4life Thats the best idea ever!!!!!!!!!!!!

[greedyfoot]

Errrr, just FYI for defense from alligator (crocodile, camen etc..) in specific case, if they have ahold of you, go for its eyes.

[FlyingJunk]

I've got a pet shark in my bathtub, and it gives me a look of genuine reproach every time I (playfully) punch it on the nose. I've got to film it and post it on YouTube.

[peterchains]

lol rubber band bird! laughed so hard xD

[Plueish]

1.52 LOL

Rich is so random.

[SummerRain101]

I laughed until I couldn't breathe when he said PUNCHING FISH. Hahahahaha... :D

[AmusingYeti]

Interestingly theres a species of shrimp that holds the record for the strongest punch. Forgotten its name; search up "punching shrimp" or something similar. That could probably put up a good fight against a shark despite its tiny mass!

[snipermagoo]

@AmusingYeti

Mantis shrimps. Thank you, bbc documentaries.

[clay180]

You actually go for the eyes or gills of a shark, hitting the nose is useless.

[equallyeasilyfuqyou]

dolphins use their noses as a sort of a fist.

[50033836]

666th thumbs up =D