I want to add you as a friend, but there is no add friend button offered for your page. nor, is there any message button offered to message you. I really like you John and think having you and Zach on the fringe of my life to observe and interact with would be great. Let us know when the Facebook will be available again as that is my dominant venue as well. I am facebook.com/aetherguard.
update: found your public figure page and liked it. guess you had to do that with all the responses.
saying that homosexual monogamy is not possible makes no sense, i see more straight couples cheat and be in open relationships than gay couples i know. and frankly im bi and i've been cheated on by the girl every time i date them, thats what makes mad guys are not the cheaters, oh and i've turned every girl i date lesbian, dont ask me how but i did =P every girl ive dated is now with a girl im just that lucky haha
from what I hear, with women, one would at least have to treat her to a drink, engage in small talk...lots of things to get emotionally involved in the whole situation... So I DO think it is easier for gay men to separate sex and emotions.
Actually, i don't think any sexual interaction between consenting adults without permanent damage of anyone involved should be judged by "morals"
that said: the one thing that's simpler for us gay guys then for straights is some kind of emotional monogamy:
Having a committed relation ship with "the one", sharing hopes and dreams and worries and such, and still exploring another body from time to time, without taking away anything from your beloved partner.
Lets face it: there are places and situations in which gay men can make physical contact within minutes, with no emotion involved (but, of course, involving condoms!!)
so i'm just one of those YouTube searches and you might not read this,but anyway: In the end of this, you say that people would be less insecure with us if we were less feminine, less promiscuous, less whatelse. I'd like to remind you what your mom said in one of the old videos: just stop trying to please others and be yourself!
I have a friend who is Gay and he and his partner have been together for 5 years and committed to each other. Monogamy is possible with any and all relationships, saying otherwise is just close minded. Defeating the stereotype guys, defeating the stereotype.
My two friends have been together for over 6 years now they are looking into adopting so I know that it is possible. Love your message.HUGS.(Subscribed)
Great message. I am that way also, because my parents showed me some values.But, I have not yet , after quite a few tries, been able to find another who is alos monogomous. Thats the key.
So nice to hear some gay guy who can be monogamous and caring and unselfish. It's hard to believe it's possible sometimes unfortunately. Good luck with your bf.
The synthesis of human sexuality is more complex or we can make it as simple as pouring a glass of water. Either way there will always be conflicting points of view. If there weren't how would the inhabitants of this planet continue a life cycle. While you come across as an aristocratic noble-person your insight gives a sense of smugness. Live and let live!
Where did this person find this study? I know an old gay couple that's been together for 38 years (they live just down the block) It's likely because throughout human culture, being straight was considered the norm, while being gay was simply an extra.Thus, monogamous relationships were met with difficulty. Plus, sure, we tend to go through break ups. But as gay people, we were taught as children how to be straight. I know how to treat a girl right, but I'm new to dating men. Things aren't easy.
Hey im jose and my Q is why do some people hate gay???
im gay and i have some guy friends not a lot but i had a lot when i was little and when i told them im gay most of my guy friends just stop talking to me...
why is it str8 guys that use to be friend before comeing out gay and just stop talking???
@loverboi12291 Because they are insecure about their own masculinity. If they were not, they would have no problem being your friend. They want to hang out with what they consider "real" males. I have had the sam experience as you. Try to find accepting guys to hang with if you want to make friends with straight guys. Go to places to meet them that have progressive or liberal attitudes toward gays. There are cool straight guys out there who would love to be friends with you.
Hey im jose and my Q is why do some people hate gay???
im gay and i have some guy friends not a lot but i had a lot when i was little and we i told them im gay most of my guy friends just stop talking to me...
I think your courage to be openly gay is so commendable. Straight people like me or any one for that matter cannot even imagine what it must take to put up with the ignorant and naive people that leave hateful comments or are around you in everyday life. I hope for you the best of luck . . . in your love life and everything else too. :)
I completely agree with you viewpoint on monogamy.
Right now my best friend and I (both gay) are living two very different lives and how we approach our possible relationships. He believes (use being 20 yrs old) since we're young that talking to multiple people and maybe dating for a week or two just to have our fun is perfectly fine since we're just learning what we want in people and how to handle relationships.
However, I approach my possible relationships completely different. I've spent the last few months slowly getting to know of few guys, developing a friendship but definetily wit the idea of a relationship down the road. After talk with this one guy as a friend for a few week we finally went on a date last night and just enjoyed each others company.
I just want to know what you think about my friends opinion on this serial-dating idea compared to my slow pace (thinking quality of quantity idea)? Personally I like mine better but would you have any opinions about his pov/advice for me as his best friend?
I agree but disagree. I'm polyamorous and gay by nature. To me 'cheating' in a relationship is lying to your partner/s. Note, to me poly means many and amorous means love (not sex). I think we need to have respect for ourselves and others, without regard to sexual relations of any sort. A sexual partner isn't a good reason to disrespect someone else and vice verse. I am just as committed to my relationships as anyone and in many cases far more so.
The bigger question is, How do we see ourselves as sexual beings, as well as people who are in need of good honest relationships"? So often we see our selves not as beings who are inherently sexual, for some reason that is something we have to hide, or we are to keep it under wraps. What i see the most are people who simply do what they want, regardless of the consequences, and the emotional tole that it creates is big.
I agree. I wouldn’t be surprised if the number of cheating heterosexuals out there, outnumber all gay guys on the planet. Monogamy is a choice. Nothing to be with being gay. Has nothing to do with a stable relationship. Truth, respect and willingness, bravely and confidently setting rules and boundaries as their relationship and personal needs grow. (no U = no US) Typical straight relationship; sex = kids, marry, divorce after 20 years when the kids leave home. Life starts at 40+ right?
I just stumbled across this video and i'm so glad I did.
You are the kind of person that is proving the negitive stereotypes wrong. People are people. Your sexuality doesn't determin what kind of person you will be. Gay or straight and if your going to cheat that's about you not your orientation.
I agree. Gay monogamous relationships are certainly possible. I think it is a bit harder for two guys because, quite honestly, guys do seem to get more horny and, you put two guys together and you double that.
However, if both want a committed relationship, it just means they have to both be strong and stick to it. The bigger problem is that divorce/cheating is so very common these days that more and more people hop out of relationships than ever before. -- rather than work on fixing it. Sad.
I really love your videos, there inspiring and full of knowledge and your just awesome. :) Thank you keep up the videos i learn soo much and i feel better about myself watching them. :))
@novamist. You said and I quote "I really do not like how others try to fit all of us together"... you just did what you don't like, with the term "us" you just made that "group" definitive... if you can use "us" without using people that are gay, or people who are homosexual, your creating.g that box, that label ;) know ya didn't mean to, but it was a cute comment, lol!
Humans', and particularly American humans' need to define and limit and compartmentalize is really self-defeating. Luckily, maybe because I'm a bit older now, I could care less about any of this (in a good way)...I honestly cannot begin to care about what someone else or what society says about who I am and how I live my life. As long as I live my life based in LOVE FOR ALL, than I'm on the right track. Honestly, others' negative gunk is just that, OTHERS'...not mine unless I choose it.
I know a male couple who are committed. They live together, and have been together now for around fifteen years. They are both older gentlemen.
I absolutely agree with you. I identify as pan-sexual (I don't care about your sex. I am attracted to your personality, not your looks), and I've had a committed relationship with a female, and now I'm a committed relationship with a male. I have never cheated, nor ever thought of cheating. I love my partners.
Think about straight couples and marriages and the rate at which cheating happens in them. Cheating will happen if it is going to happen whether the person is gay, straight, bi, tran, pan, whatever they are. Think back to before monogamy and homosexuality was always grouped together, the one everyone focused on was straight men saying they always cheated. Gays are just the flavour of the week for these things.
I really do not like how others try to fit all of us together. Each person is different, each with their own values. I am one who is also committed to one person. I am not in any relationships, nor do I pursue them, because I can't find anyone here who wants the same. I meet people, but it ends up turning sour. They just are not ready for what I have to offer, and I am just not ready to give it to just anyone. I want that special someone who can understand me. Nothing more.
I guess its boils down to different views, and in end what one experieces may differ from the experieces of others. I mean no disrespect to anyone, I just hope that we speak with tactfulness so as to not insult others. There is no wrong is sharing our views or disagreeing but we have to be careful not to hurt others in the process... schmidtm1010, I do apologise if it seems like I was targeting you but you have to also becareful not to hurt others with your words & claims ; ) *Peace!!!
@aehre2 Haha sorry for beoing long windered... I just wanna say, I am happy that you have experienced change .. & I respect you for you speaking in a neutral tone... see that's the difference, you have experienced the change yet you do not claim its the TRUTH... schmidtm1010, however...is only speaking from the views of someone else & claimed is the "truth" and has insulted others by saying "you have not experieced true happiness". He should learn to be tactful when sharing his views. agreed? ;)
@aehre2 I also understand that there are many gays who do not believe in monogamy, but for the few of us who does, we do value our happiness & bliss that we share with our partners.... and it is WRONG for schmidtm1010 to say "Homosexuality will not grant you happiness, and if you think you are happy, you've probably never experienced true happiness." in "Monogamy is possible! " vid.
We value & cherish our our love &happiness & he has no right to say that that is not true Happiness.
@aehre2 And for him to claim he knows the "truth about homosexuality"... is simply absurd, seeing how he is not/ have not gone though what homosexuals have gone through.... even if he has heard it countless times frim his father does not make him the expert, he is simply seeing from his fathers point of view. Whoever said that his father's experiece is the same as all the other gays around?! who ever said that what his father feels is absolute?
@aehre2 .... but by stating that his opinions are "the truth about Homosexuality" on a certain level is kind of forcing people to take his word for it... coz any other point of views, differs from his.. it becomes "lies" doesnt it?! he may not mean it that why but by repeatedly saying "I am mere speaking the truth about homosexuality", he is on some level subconcious or otherwise forcing his views onto others. That's why I emplore him to stop claiming it's the truth.
@aehre2 Hi arhre2, I understand that schmidtm1010 is merely stating his point of views, which I repeatedly expressed, howevevr he claims that his points are "the truth about homosexuality". I believe I've watched all of couver87's videos and correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't recall him claiming that he is right ot that his is the truth. I am not blaming schmidtm1010 for stating his point of views, its only fair that we all have our own opinions....
this video hits a such a valid point, i feel that most gay people r seen as promiscuous because the ones that everyone see r the ones that flaunt their promiscuity, i just watched a show the other day where a gay man was generalizing about other gay men and stereotyping, its just tragic that people r so narrow minded, even about themselves
@schmidtm1010 So before you point fingers & check others be sure to check yourself first... couver87 is not pushing others to listen unlike what you are doing. If you do not agree with his views then DON'T watch his videos.... its that simple. If God trust us to make our own decisions instead of making us all think the same way, should't you do the same? So be it religious or personal point of views.... BACK OFF!!! We do not need you to dictate where & how our lives should be heading...
@schmidtm1010 So STOP forcing your personal opinions onto others, your father is str8 now & happy then good for your family... you want some acknowledgement? YAY!!! for you happy?... stop forcing it onto us. Couver87 has never forced anyone to be gay, he is merely sharing his personal perspectve on things, should others disagree, then so be it.... but you "FORCE" people to listen to you by caiming its the "TRUTH" which you yourself have not been through so who are you to claim it so?
@schmidtm1010 Just because your father is happy being "str8" now doesn't mean everyone should follow in his footsteps.... like i mentioned before what works for him may not work for others.... just like there are people who are happier after converting religions..... does that mean you should follow & forsake your religion? NO.... and we dont expect you to, coz we respect you & we respect your decisions & do not claim our point of view to be the "TRUTH" & start forcing our opinions onto others
@schmidtm1010 and please STOP claiming you are spreading the "TRUTH" about homosexuality... coz that is NOT TRUE.... how can you know its the truth when you have not gone trough it? what your father has gone through does not make you all knowing, if your dad is a doctor & you have not studied to be a doctor then YOU ARE NOT A DOCTOR... not matter how much he shares with you, its that simple. What you are speaking is from YOUR PERSONAL perspective. WE disagree so therefore it is NOT the TRUTH.
@schmidtm1010 The person who needs a wake up call is you schmidtm1010. I've said it before, what makes me happy may not make you happy & vice versa. Same goes to your father, if he is happier as a straight man, so be it... it works for him, that doesn't mean it is the same for everybody. I for one am happy for my 8 years of relationship, you don't see me asking your father to turn gay again coz what makes me happy may not make him happy!!!
@schmidtm1010 First & foremost , here's a harsh reality schmidtm1010.... I have been in a manogamous relationship for 8 years and counting... and we are still happy together, so there.... I hope you keep your good money before you loose it.
Though I can't speak for couver87, I personally feel he has no need to acknowledge the study's conclusion.... Coz cleaerly its not 100% accurate, so why should he acknowledge something that is not true?
@schmidtm1010 I really don't understand your constant badgering about our lives, and our sexual preference. Regardless of your 'personal interest'.. Couldn't you go about it in a more positive way? Instead of trying to put more negativity and hatred on the internet? And talking about betting money on our relationship? Sick. You really need to quit projecting your own fears onto other people. It's really pathetic.
@zachariahgriffin Haha zachariahgriffin.... schmidmt1010 said ".....maybe I'll believe monogamy among gay people is possible. But I will bet good money on that not happening." you should give him ur account no, coz he LOST, I just told him Monogamy is not only possible but its true My partner & I have been together monogamously & happily for 8 years & still counting even longer than the "study" which took 5 years... so yeah schmidtm1010, you have lost your "good money". care to pay up? ;p
@schmidtm1010 Your comments suggest not a devotion to scientific data but a keen desire to heap abuse on @couver87. Who and what are we comparing here? There have been a handful of surveys of small numbers of gay couples in a few urban areas: yielding very differing, inconsistent results. That's all. For a meaningful comparison, we would require matching comprehensive studies of diverse, equally-positioned gay & straight populations over a long period of time. Sorry, no such body of data exists.
Ser monogamo es nuestra opcion, depende de la manera en la que nos criaron, y no puedo estar mas de ecuardo contigo de que si es posible en parejas del mismo sexo ser monogamos.
I like what you say. But I differ with you on one thing. You say that people are homophobic because gay people (in fact, only gay men - not lesbians) are portrayed as sluttish, promiscuous, on drugs etc. But isn't the opposite true? It's when gay men are shown as being in love, committed, monogamous, interested in being married - unfortunately, that is when the "religious" people in particular go wild - that is the context in which people express their hatred of gay men.
I loved this longer video and I do hope your future ones are just as long as your views and advice are way too valuable to be presented in short videos :)
The troll that commented on your video needs to acquire their data from proper research as that ''study'' that was done on the alleged 100 gay couples sounds both biased and flawed! The idiot should also use science instead of prejudice to form conclusions about us. Homosexuality is NO LONGER considered by scientists as a mental disorder!
You look very handsome with that hairstyle and the clean shaven look :)
Fidelity has absolutely NOTHING to do with sexual orientation but has EVERYTHING to do with how someone was raised i.e. the morals, principles and standards thought by one's parents / guardians.
I too am sick of hearing that all gay guys are promiscuous and that all men are horny and that we are the overly sexually active sex / gender. That is FALSE!
Sexual orientation is via nature and sexual behaviour is via nurture!!!
Your topic today is one that grows endless intelligent debate. What lengthly comments to come so fast! Pardon me, but I was wondering, why does your RIGHT EAR look like its MELTING off?
This month happens to be LGBT awareness month... I hope you can do videos for that...
also, people see that gays are in polyamorous relationships, but they don't see that straight people do the same thing... all the time... maybe even more often than the gay community...
The issue is simpler. Gays are men. Men, straight and gay, are very sex-oriented and tend to be promiscuous, women are promiscuity-stoppers. So gay men like both the same, straight guys have a problem. So we look more promiscuous but we are not more promiscuous than straight guys would like to be. So we live the straight man's dream. Should we give up our way of life coz for them it is just a dream? Do we have to live by the law of their limitations? Just to put it all in context.
Thank you for a wonderfully positive and supportive video. To continue the stereo-types, all the gays in the study were raised Republicans as they were raise hypocrites and haters.
Gays, unfortunately, are under greater stress and bias than any other minority group. Minority groups have always been portrayed as inferior, with distrust and with all negative values that the majority can think so that they lose power and the impetus to change the world for the better.
I feel the need to say that equality shouldn't only be given or granted because homosexuals are or aren't viewed as promiscuous and maintain monogamy, nor should not maintaining monogamy make a person seem like they're amoral. I know that's not the point you're making but it can easily come across that way.
i think monogamy depends on the characteristics of a person rather than on sexual preference. There are people who are innately monogamous and there are others that are really not even if they try hard to be.
Good for you standing up for what you believe in. I hate when people compartmentalise things (what you were saying about people seeing things as black or white) whereas, in my opinion, typically everything is a shade of grey.
Also, when people connect things, they tend to forget about the contexts and that things change over time.
I enjoy your views on monogomy, wish I had this openess when if was a teenager im 58 years old, and it was very difficult to live together with a man, I married at 24 and came out at 44. It is true their are sluts str8t or gay. its ther person not the group as a whole. r.
mmm, with my comment here below i am the minority here! that makes me feel happy, a position ik know well. I guess I will have to make a video response in which i protest against this trend of (probably shy) gay role model boys who dis fellow gays who don't fit their mould and for the matter the straight mould. Ever considered the possibility that many gays enjoy their lives the way they live it?
Now let's compare that data to 100 straight couples, I bet the results would be the same...or maybe not since people like to alter the truth/information to deceive people and propagandize. But like you said, it's so much more complex than what people try to make it. I would start to question if it's possible with straight couples seeing as how there are so many more divorces than lasting marriages.
@Couver87 Someone got upset with me because I was mocking... lol. I just thought it was funny, because I think you were deciding whether or not to use your real name or your YouTube name.
I totally agreed with you said in this video, how people automatically assume that because your homosexual you cannot have a monogamous relationship, you can i know quite a few same sex couples who were and still are monogamous. I also agree with you on how gay people are inaccurately portrayed on tv as weak and into fashion and all that, they are just feeding the stereotypes that everyone has about gay people and it doesn't help at all.
i think its wonderful the way how u express ur feelings, ur just like me but maybe even better. i do believe one day gay ppl will be understood, accepted, and loved, i have faith in my ppl^^
Ok I understand you statement about monogamy. I am the same way, I don't stray, would not think about cheating. But I must confess, we are of the minority. Your statement of being gay and cheating,
well so many people have this view that I believe it is more of a idea than a real concept. I think a lot of gay men think that their partners will cheat, so they treat the relationship like that. I think it is foolish to attempt to be in a relationship and not give it your all. But sex is all it's about with some people.
Deep down they want the real love, but they have seen so many tragic endings. Little do they realize that it is an effort and a commitment to have a successful relationship. It just doesn't happen by magic. If both parties are not committed it will not work. There is nothing wrong with stating your case, to say I want to be in a committed relationship,
is this what you want? If not, move on, don't think you can change someone's view. It is a hard lesson to learn that a very small amount of relationships, homosexual or heterosexual are successful. It takes two people wanting to be committed. Sounds simple but it is very difficult to find because as with other things in life, the hard road is often not travelled. The wise person knows that anything worth anything is going to take some effort.
I know this one kid who is a feminine, slutty as fuck, drug addled annoyance, like the one who commented below me i fail to understand why he bothers with relationships when he just fucks everything that moves as is. On the flip side i know plenty of gay people (myself included) who have been and are in committed relationships and it angers me deeply that our entire demographic is stereotyped as the former as opposed to the latter, hell more straight people i know act like the former (minus the
If gay couple want to have open relationship... wouldn't it be better just to be single... I'm a young guy and I believe we do foolish and childish thing at this stage. Once we are grown up and having partner! YES I agree with you to be committed with our partner because we choose to be with that person and that person mean everything. Why cheat or be in a open relationship... just stay single!!! sorry if this comment makes you mad but my opinion and I totally agree with you. :D
i won't say too much because you are so fucking cute but don't be too much of a model gay boy.who is everything straight people want us to be. For me gayyness has to do with counter-culture and not fitting the straight mould: we do things our way, certainly sex, and many of us like it wild. so what. you do what you want to do, and other gays seek the fun they like. and straights should think what they want, i don't care a fuck. kissie anyway, you make me melt.
definately think, stereotypes have made it harder,for gay men to come out,, or how str8 types who like same_sex, are attacked by gays, who choose to keep there life private,,
If you scratch the surface of a stereotype, you'll usually find a kernel of truth. The fact is that many gay men, more than straight men in my experience, do struggle with substance abuse, sex addiction which comes from the low self-esteem many of us develop from difficulties we experience growing up being gay.
The second thing is that I think that because of simple biology, two guys might find it harder to be monogamous than say, to women.
@disamjisa The other points I'd make is that I tend to play the field a bit more than my straight friends, when I'm not in a relationship. When I'm in a relationship, I have no problems being monogamous. There's also a lot of serial monogamy in the gay community, I have noticed.
I think that gay relationships often don't have certain things like being married or having kids that tends to keep straight couples together, even if they're unhappy in that relationship.
@disamjisa This isn't to say that male homosexuality is bad, or inferior, just that its different; it has different difficulties than straight relationships, different dynamics within relationships, and tend to be much willing to settle and have a "grass is greener" mentality.
My personal view is that sometimes its better just to settle, if for just one reason; who wants to be old and alone? If you slut around your whole life, you're much more likely to end up in that predicament.
I find you videos very interesting to watch, and I feel like I learn a lot by watching them. I have never been in a relationship with anyone before (although I personally am uncertain of my orientation), and I do not know any homosexual men. (My cousin is lesbian, but I don't know her that well and she lives far away; though, she is in a committed relationship.)
I suppose I never really had a formed opinion on this issue, but I agree that the media does tend to portray a certain, wrong view.
I absolutly love love love your videos!!! I'm 21, gay and slowly coming out to friends and family and your videos have helped tremendously. As for us homosexuals mogonomy IS real lol. there are homosexual men and women that want mogonomy and there are homosexuals that are completely promiscous (idk if thats right?). Just like there is in the heterosexual world. Just because we are homosexual doesnt mean we are different from hetros.
Personally, I have yet to be in a relationship. I didn't come out until I was 30. But, this isn't about me. I know three couples (that I can think of immediately) who have been in a committed relationship for 3 years; 13 years and 42 (yes, 42!) years! I think the Hetro world needs to move over and let the Gay world show 'em how it's done. Just my two cents. Thanks for continuing to make such awesome videos! Much love and hugs to you and Zechariah! =)
i love you man i like the way you think, feel and how you portray yourself not just for yourself but for the likes of people like me its a shame were so far away because i could see us having such long indepth debates about the way we view the world and been gay, its a shame ( for us watching) that you havent the time to vlog as much ( although i am happy that your lifes so full and interesting) but i cant wait for your next vlog i hope your well and i hope zachs great too
I certainly don't believe there is a study where all 100 couples stay together over the period of 5 years. Let alone all 100 couples are not monogamous. And it just happens to be exactly 100 couples? I have no doubt this "survey" either does not exist, or there is something seriously unprofessional with the "survey".
There are a lot of "junk science" studies out there. My partner and I have been together MONOGAMOUSLY for 20 years. We are not legally married here in Ohio..like most states it is not permitted. I think things will change when more gay people come out of the closet..to their friends..family..neighbors. Then..the adage that gay people are all crazy will be in the dust pan.
I found this video a really interesting point of view. Thanks! I agree with what you're saying, and it's nice to hear that there are people out there who don't cheat!
Gays can be monogamous, I know many examples. The 0% study mentioned is one I would like to analyze deeper, it already sounds like bad science. Monogamy is rewarding and builds character. I endorse it no matter one's sexuality.
That said, it sounds as if you are strongly against relationships that are not monogamous. As someone who understands the complexity of most situations, I'd suggest trying to understand what can make a non-monogamous relationship work, though the examples are few.
Its really hard to do something that is later viewed as just stereotypical behavior. Statistics are great if you gamble, but they're shit when applied to a person's character.
All that stuff that guy says, is stupid, "all gays cheat", awe yeah, and straight couples don't,(what a croc.)
he's just another parrot repeating what he heard and is trying to make it valid by calling it a study. if he looked for loose guys that give it to anyone, sure, he'll find what he wants but not what it is.
Did you do your hair in a new way? I like it! Sorry to get off topic. I'm gay but anyway, I love what you have to say in this video. I think that humans want to live their lives when they are younger and sometimes this means having sex with a lot of different people, I myself will most likely not do this. I agree with you about being monogamist, my father cheated on my mother and I don’t want to put my future lover though that. I will party but once I've found that guy i will stay true to him.
Watched and loved every minute! I wish I could speak as freely and flowing as you. My train of thought goes kaput after a minute, so I have a bunch of cuts in my videos!
I love your comment in that sexuality and commitment are two completely different things. It all has to do with the individual.
Great video. My husband and I (we're both gay men) have been together for almost 16 years and are very happily monogamous. Wouldn't have it any other way. There are guys who cheat, and guys who are faithful. Nowadays you can find a statistic to justify or condemn just about anything...or you can even make one up, and most people wouldn't know the difference. I really don't think monogamy among gay men is that much of a rare thing.
This kinda stuff is so ridiculous. The worst thing is when you hear it from gay people that are obviously looking for a way to justify their own infidelity. I plan to never cheat on a person in my life, I respect people's feelings too much to do that. I would value my partner's feelings and our relationship a lot more than my sexual urges.
It always amazes me when people say homosexuals cant be monogamous but when you look at the divorce rate in this country we have over a 50% divorce rate and the leading cause of divorce is adultry so please tell me how straight people are more monogamous. I toataly agree it has nothing to do with sexual orientation but has everything to do with who you are as a person and what is important to you.
i really want to believe that men can be monogamous and i believe that if i guy is going to cheat he has to be in that mind set already of not wanting a relationship. I know i'm looking for a relationship and im gunna try my darn hardest to get one : P
i feel the problem is that most gays that seem to be fighting for gay rights and are seen by the public and get hurt by hate crimes are the ones one tv getting noticed to make that change are usually the "feminine gays" if all gays fought at the same time and remember i said usuaully it seemed to be the feminine one then we could shake this vision of gay men being weak girly types and people we see we can look just like anyone else
I have been in a relationship for 2 and a half years, and for anyone to say that it is NOT possible is bullshit! Commitment, trust, and being loyal to your partner,. gay, bisexual or straight..is the key to the relationship and for it to build. I can honestly say..no matter how bad things got..i would be willing to take the bad with the good. I could careless if society hates me, lol its of no concern to me.
I am so glad that you posted this video. I completely agree with what you were saying and it, too, bothers me that people perceive that gay people cannot be in a committed monogamous relationship. Even though most of the stereotypes come from straight people that may not understand, it especially bothers me when fellow gay people follow in these footsteps and say that it's ok to play around because we're gay and that's what we're supposed to do.
The people who misunderstood us, who hate us is not our problem, it's theirs. We should be happy and grateful for those who supported us, not be frustrated and upset with people who has a closed mind, because, John, our team is growing stronger day by day, and more and more stereotypes are diminishing , you will be surprised how many people actually agree with you. I, as many supporters of yours, had clicked the "Like" button.
I like how u talk about these thing and bring it to the youth. There are very few out there that are not into monogamy, not because they cant, its cause of a fear of being out the stereotype.(my opinion)
I'm gay and cheating is against my morals or even nature. I would never cheat on anyone simply 'cause it's hurtful and selfish. If things don't work out in a relationship I think splitting up should be the right choice. Cheating wouldn't even cross my mind. I'm happy to have a boyfriend who thinks about cheating the same way I do, but I remember how hard it was to find a gay men who had such morals.
I totally agree! My partner and I will have been together in a monogamous relationship for 5 years in a few weeks. So I know it's possible to have that. And about the cliche gay lifestyle. Neither of us drink, take drugs, go to bars or clubs. So it all boils down to the individual and the choices that THEY make in THEIR life. Has nothing to do with sexuality!
I really have a problem with the clear implication that monogamous is the only good and valid form of relationship. My problem with this ideal like all other fundamentalist Christian ideals is they have no basis in reality. What is wrong is promiscuity? There is no on right way. Honest would be a good start.
One study doesn't statistically prove much. Idunno, it's a human reductionist thing. There's so much that language can't interpret and once more people realize that different words have different definitions and colours and contexts (and accept that different concepts in the same sort of discussion can still be unrelated) we can have less misunderstanding. That may be too idealistic.
One study doesn't statistically prove much. Idunno, it's a human reductionist thing. There's so much that language can't interpret and once more people realize that different words have different definitions and colours and contexts (and accept that different concepts in the same sort of discussion can still be unrelated) we can have less misunderstanding.
im drawn to the emotional stuff more, and im extremly sensitive and emotional, which i think is why im drawn to that stuff more, though iv noticed tones of straight guys are drawn to me...rather than gay dont know why???
@chrisbartley88 also i dont shag the country... i dont want that its discusting, theres more ways of finding love with sum1 other than shagging evryone who crosses the path!!
i always thought that infidelity amongst gay couples would be around the same as heterosexual couples. being bi myself i always saw the whole gay people arent monogamous as grade A bullshit especially seeing some of the biggest gay bashers being caught cheating on their wives especially with other men. people need to realize we're human also and that we arent whores but people, like everyone else, who wants to live happily and find a bit of love
Many heterosexual men and women, both, are not ACTUALLY monogomous in their relationships or marriages! Some are known and some aren't known, of course. I totally agree with you that commitment is both the source and the problem which offers up either the monogamy or non-monogamy equasion of any couple regardless of their sexuality! Commitment is a CHOICE, as you say ... based upon ones morals and ethics, (and determination). That choice always exists, and IS NOT tied to one's sexuality!
I think that the problem with monogamy is that it about definations. A man is more likely to be visually stimulated. A woman is more likely to be emotionally stimulated. That is where the problem starts. A straight guy has to just overcome his eyes to get a woman. A gay guy has to overcome his eyes and the other guys eyes also. I also think that a guy has to want to put forth the effort to work on his short-falls.
I think that the problem with monogamy is that it about definations. A man is more likely to be visually stimulated. A woman is more likely to be emotionally stimulated. That is where the problem starts. A straight guy has to just overcome his eyes to get a woman. A gay guy has to overcome his eyes and the other guys eyes also.
So, I'm "stereotypical" I love shopping, my voice is high, I like getting my hair done etc. But I'm also in a monogamous relationship. But isit bad for me to be "stereotypical" when I am that way but everyone tries to fight for more normal gay males to be on tv? Does that make me a bad person?
Also, talking about the stereotypes and how it is hard for people to come out. I think a big factor in that is, how the media portrays gays, as well as the qualities that are associated with the stereotype of being gay. You feel that if you come out, you are going to become that stereotype and you'll take on those qualities. However, you can still be who you are and be gay, you don't have to change. Just be yourself :)
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 months and we're happy, committed and monogamous. We're both almost-fully out, we're young and in college, but we make our relationship work, even with being 45 mins away from each other. Sure there is temptation (especially at clubs), but honestly, cheating would not even be worth it. Would you really want to risk the relationship that you have for some small fling with a hot guy who probably has nothing more to him then his looks? I wouldn't.
Most polyamorous people I know are straight or bi, not gay.
The way I see it, people's obsession with monogamy boils down to patriarchy and paternity. Now that we have feminism and DNA paternity tests, monogamy is slowly becoming far more optional, as long as all parties involved consent. There's a definite difference between polyamory and cheating, and the difference is honesty.
:) Medium-term subscriber and fan... a heterosexual one fyi. I don't mean this as an insult, since I regard you as a very attractive guy... I'd happily swap appearances... but you realize you do have some feminine qualities, right? You mentioned you didn't like how gays are portrayed on TV, etc., as having feminine qualities. Well obviously some don't, but there are factors like mannerisms, voice, justiculation, which are elevated and identifiable as gay traits. Just saying, based in fact.
It happens to me that people think that because I'm gay I'm not gonna be able to form a family, that it's just a "straight thing", even when most straight people nowadays end up divorced because of cheating or any other situations. I can't stand people that say that gay people should be drunken-dancing sluts. It makes no sense at all
If you believe what everyone who comes backstage after the show tell you (family, friends, supporters) you are going to leave the theatre walking on air.
Of course, the people who didn't like it just get in their cars and go home.
You are right to accept the good and ignore the bad.
The internet gives license to the venting of hate and negativity.
omg I swear, you´re an elf! I love you ears jajajaja :D
And of course, congratulations for your videos :)
cactusmilo918 2 weeks ago
Your ears are pretty awesome.
Johnd4r 1 month ago
Comment removed
Johnd4r 1 month ago
I want to add you as a friend, but there is no add friend button offered for your page. nor, is there any message button offered to message you. I really like you John and think having you and Zach on the fringe of my life to observe and interact with would be great. Let us know when the Facebook will be available again as that is my dominant venue as well. I am facebook.com/aetherguard.
update: found your public figure page and liked it. guess you had to do that with all the responses.
AshenShugar72 2 months ago
saying that homosexual monogamy is not possible makes no sense, i see more straight couples cheat and be in open relationships than gay couples i know. and frankly im bi and i've been cheated on by the girl every time i date them, thats what makes mad guys are not the cheaters, oh and i've turned every girl i date lesbian, dont ask me how but i did =P every girl ive dated is now with a girl im just that lucky haha
XsenHellion 5 months ago
from what I hear, with women, one would at least have to treat her to a drink, engage in small talk...lots of things to get emotionally involved in the whole situation... So I DO think it is easier for gay men to separate sex and emotions.
Actually, i don't think any sexual interaction between consenting adults without permanent damage of anyone involved should be judged by "morals"
PmmGarak 6 months ago
that said: the one thing that's simpler for us gay guys then for straights is some kind of emotional monogamy:
Having a committed relation ship with "the one", sharing hopes and dreams and worries and such, and still exploring another body from time to time, without taking away anything from your beloved partner.
Lets face it: there are places and situations in which gay men can make physical contact within minutes, with no emotion involved (but, of course, involving condoms!!)
PmmGarak 6 months ago
so i'm just one of those YouTube searches and you might not read this,but anyway: In the end of this, you say that people would be less insecure with us if we were less feminine, less promiscuous, less whatelse. I'd like to remind you what your mom said in one of the old videos: just stop trying to please others and be yourself!
splitting for comment char limit...
PmmGarak 6 months ago
You're a positive role model for me John, thank you!
Ololuv 8 months ago
thumbs up if you think Couver87 is super cute! :D
heyfkldsm 8 months ago 14
hmm... i've never heard that, someone thinking that monogamy can't work for a gay person... that doesn't even make sense! of course it can work!
heyfkldsm 8 months ago
I have a friend who is Gay and he and his partner have been together for 5 years and committed to each other. Monogamy is possible with any and all relationships, saying otherwise is just close minded. Defeating the stereotype guys, defeating the stereotype.
leatopia 9 months ago
My two friends have been together for over 6 years now they are looking into adopting so I know that it is possible. Love your message.HUGS.(Subscribed)
MrsRandomRedhead 9 months ago
Great message. I am that way also, because my parents showed me some values.But, I have not yet , after quite a few tries, been able to find another who is alos monogomous. Thats the key.
DwightWm 9 months ago
Gay and in a relationship with 2 other people, been 9 months with no problems now, a stable tripod.
MasterTaters 9 months ago
I want some monogamy that is really what i am looking for
greasysox 9 months ago
i sent you a friend request on facebook :o
the8D8D8D 9 months ago
So nice to hear some gay guy who can be monogamous and caring and unselfish. It's hard to believe it's possible sometimes unfortunately. Good luck with your bf.
teutonicpenguin 9 months ago
The synthesis of human sexuality is more complex or we can make it as simple as pouring a glass of water. Either way there will always be conflicting points of view. If there weren't how would the inhabitants of this planet continue a life cycle. While you come across as an aristocratic noble-person your insight gives a sense of smugness. Live and let live!
njneopatriot 9 months ago
Where did this person find this study? I know an old gay couple that's been together for 38 years (they live just down the block) It's likely because throughout human culture, being straight was considered the norm, while being gay was simply an extra.Thus, monogamous relationships were met with difficulty. Plus, sure, we tend to go through break ups. But as gay people, we were taught as children how to be straight. I know how to treat a girl right, but I'm new to dating men. Things aren't easy.
etNOfonehome 9 months ago
I, too, am "monogaymist" lmao
MrColestuntz 10 months ago
I think what you said needed to be said. Thanks.
scottulap1 10 months ago
Hey im jose and my Q is why do some people hate gay???
im gay and i have some guy friends not a lot but i had a lot when i was little and when i told them im gay most of my guy friends just stop talking to me...
why is it str8 guys that use to be friend before comeing out gay and just stop talking???
loverboi12291 10 months ago
@loverboi12291 Because they are insecure about their own masculinity. If they were not, they would have no problem being your friend. They want to hang out with what they consider "real" males. I have had the sam experience as you. Try to find accepting guys to hang with if you want to make friends with straight guys. Go to places to meet them that have progressive or liberal attitudes toward gays. There are cool straight guys out there who would love to be friends with you.
scottulap1 10 months ago
Hey im jose and my Q is why do some people hate gay???
im gay and i have some guy friends not a lot but i had a lot when i was little and we i told them im gay most of my guy friends just stop talking to me...
why is it str8 guys hate gay and girls dont???
loverboi12291 10 months ago
It's really up you. Group sex can strenghthen a marraige, if that is what is needed? It is TOTALLY optional?!
RedUltra100 10 months ago
I think your courage to be openly gay is so commendable. Straight people like me or any one for that matter cannot even imagine what it must take to put up with the ignorant and naive people that leave hateful comments or are around you in everyday life. I hope for you the best of luck . . . in your love life and everything else too. :)
VTUL92 10 months ago
I completely agree with you viewpoint on monogamy.
Right now my best friend and I (both gay) are living two very different lives and how we approach our possible relationships. He believes (use being 20 yrs old) since we're young that talking to multiple people and maybe dating for a week or two just to have our fun is perfectly fine since we're just learning what we want in people and how to handle relationships.
kckswimmer 10 months ago
However, I approach my possible relationships completely different. I've spent the last few months slowly getting to know of few guys, developing a friendship but definetily wit the idea of a relationship down the road. After talk with this one guy as a friend for a few week we finally went on a date last night and just enjoyed each others company.
kckswimmer 10 months ago
I just want to know what you think about my friends opinion on this serial-dating idea compared to my slow pace (thinking quality of quantity idea)? Personally I like mine better but would you have any opinions about his pov/advice for me as his best friend?
kckswimmer 10 months ago
I agree but disagree. I'm polyamorous and gay by nature. To me 'cheating' in a relationship is lying to your partner/s. Note, to me poly means many and amorous means love (not sex). I think we need to have respect for ourselves and others, without regard to sexual relations of any sort. A sexual partner isn't a good reason to disrespect someone else and vice verse. I am just as committed to my relationships as anyone and in many cases far more so.
darrekw 10 months ago
The bigger question is, How do we see ourselves as sexual beings, as well as people who are in need of good honest relationships"? So often we see our selves not as beings who are inherently sexual, for some reason that is something we have to hide, or we are to keep it under wraps. What i see the most are people who simply do what they want, regardless of the consequences, and the emotional tole that it creates is big.
jpsluther78 10 months ago
Lies! Your mom did a video on here before Zacharia! lol
OnceUponThisLife 10 months ago
i agree 100%
natureteller 10 months ago
I agree. I wouldn’t be surprised if the number of cheating heterosexuals out there, outnumber all gay guys on the planet. Monogamy is a choice. Nothing to be with being gay. Has nothing to do with a stable relationship. Truth, respect and willingness, bravely and confidently setting rules and boundaries as their relationship and personal needs grow. (no U = no US) Typical straight relationship; sex = kids, marry, divorce after 20 years when the kids leave home. Life starts at 40+ right?
JonathanVencore 10 months ago
I just stumbled across this video and i'm so glad I did.
You are the kind of person that is proving the negitive stereotypes wrong. People are people. Your sexuality doesn't determin what kind of person you will be. Gay or straight and if your going to cheat that's about you not your orientation.
You may not read this but I think your great!
TheSouthOfTheCity 10 months ago
I agree. Gay monogamous relationships are certainly possible. I think it is a bit harder for two guys because, quite honestly, guys do seem to get more horny and, you put two guys together and you double that.
However, if both want a committed relationship, it just means they have to both be strong and stick to it. The bigger problem is that divorce/cheating is so very common these days that more and more people hop out of relationships than ever before. -- rather than work on fixing it. Sad.
mdstudio 10 months ago
you should have your own talkshow. your very interesting tho listen to
bassfan14 10 months ago
I really love your videos, there inspiring and full of knowledge and your just awesome. :) Thank you keep up the videos i learn soo much and i feel better about myself watching them. :))
getrealfan1 10 months ago
@novamist. You said and I quote "I really do not like how others try to fit all of us together"... you just did what you don't like, with the term "us" you just made that "group" definitive... if you can use "us" without using people that are gay, or people who are homosexual, your creating.g that box, that label ;) know ya didn't mean to, but it was a cute comment, lol!
aaronwallacegap 10 months ago
Humans', and particularly American humans' need to define and limit and compartmentalize is really self-defeating. Luckily, maybe because I'm a bit older now, I could care less about any of this (in a good way)...I honestly cannot begin to care about what someone else or what society says about who I am and how I live my life. As long as I live my life based in LOVE FOR ALL, than I'm on the right track. Honestly, others' negative gunk is just that, OTHERS'...not mine unless I choose it.
tvswnet 10 months ago
Great points John - but you missed a key issue: The
fool who left that sick message is first off a liar! There
is no such legit "study" and if one exists that purports
such "findings" I absolutely guarantee it is from one of
those right wing "cure" groups. Thousands of gay &
lesbian couples - all over the world, are in monogamos
relations!!! Don't concern yourself with "haters" like
him; we're not! Glad I had time to check out some of
your vids I missed. Love & keep the faith,
Gary
MrGBOOK 10 months ago
I know a male couple who are committed. They live together, and have been together now for around fifteen years. They are both older gentlemen.
I absolutely agree with you. I identify as pan-sexual (I don't care about your sex. I am attracted to your personality, not your looks), and I've had a committed relationship with a female, and now I'm a committed relationship with a male. I have never cheated, nor ever thought of cheating. I love my partners.
AuroraViolinist 10 months ago
San Fransisco, Arizona. Pick one and stick with it please.... You Bi-State-ual
prithy 10 months ago
wow this video was great! there is no better way to explain in brief about this issue that we face. good job!
gjake333 10 months ago
gay
amerikano 10 months ago
You keep it real love it!!!!
0062513 10 months ago
I would love to give you a kiss.
VanDiemen08 10 months ago
Okay to be honest, when I heard about the statistical thing about 0% of the people in that study maintaining fidelity, I've just got to ask one thing.
How many straight people make it that far too?
I mean lets be clear here, five years is a long time.
And it takes a bit of experience and wisdom to understand how to go about a monogamous relationship.
Which might be a bit more difficult for homosexual individuals to obtain.
I commend them for trying, but just remember it's important to be happy.
TalynCo 10 months ago 4
You're a great role model to any young homosexual, this comming from a young homosexual :)
Crazyloz212 10 months ago
Think about straight couples and marriages and the rate at which cheating happens in them. Cheating will happen if it is going to happen whether the person is gay, straight, bi, tran, pan, whatever they are. Think back to before monogamy and homosexuality was always grouped together, the one everyone focused on was straight men saying they always cheated. Gays are just the flavour of the week for these things.
TwilightMattzz 10 months ago
Sometimes people make up "studies" to quote to get their point across.
oceanwonders 10 months ago
I really do not like how others try to fit all of us together. Each person is different, each with their own values. I am one who is also committed to one person. I am not in any relationships, nor do I pursue them, because I can't find anyone here who wants the same. I meet people, but it ends up turning sour. They just are not ready for what I have to offer, and I am just not ready to give it to just anyone. I want that special someone who can understand me. Nothing more.
novamyst 10 months ago
I guess its boils down to different views, and in end what one experieces may differ from the experieces of others. I mean no disrespect to anyone, I just hope that we speak with tactfulness so as to not insult others. There is no wrong is sharing our views or disagreeing but we have to be careful not to hurt others in the process... schmidtm1010, I do apologise if it seems like I was targeting you but you have to also becareful not to hurt others with your words & claims ; ) *Peace!!!
shadowlight82 10 months ago
@aehre2 Haha sorry for beoing long windered... I just wanna say, I am happy that you have experienced change .. & I respect you for you speaking in a neutral tone... see that's the difference, you have experienced the change yet you do not claim its the TRUTH... schmidtm1010, however...is only speaking from the views of someone else & claimed is the "truth" and has insulted others by saying "you have not experieced true happiness". He should learn to be tactful when sharing his views. agreed? ;)
shadowlight82 10 months ago
@aehre2 I also understand that there are many gays who do not believe in monogamy, but for the few of us who does, we do value our happiness & bliss that we share with our partners.... and it is WRONG for schmidtm1010 to say "Homosexuality will not grant you happiness, and if you think you are happy, you've probably never experienced true happiness." in "Monogamy is possible! " vid.
We value & cherish our our love &happiness & he has no right to say that that is not true Happiness.
shadowlight82 10 months ago
@aehre2 And for him to claim he knows the "truth about homosexuality"... is simply absurd, seeing how he is not/ have not gone though what homosexuals have gone through.... even if he has heard it countless times frim his father does not make him the expert, he is simply seeing from his fathers point of view. Whoever said that his father's experiece is the same as all the other gays around?! who ever said that what his father feels is absolute?
shadowlight82 10 months ago
@aehre2 .... but by stating that his opinions are "the truth about Homosexuality" on a certain level is kind of forcing people to take his word for it... coz any other point of views, differs from his.. it becomes "lies" doesnt it?! he may not mean it that why but by repeatedly saying "I am mere speaking the truth about homosexuality", he is on some level subconcious or otherwise forcing his views onto others. That's why I emplore him to stop claiming it's the truth.
shadowlight82 10 months ago
@aehre2 Hi arhre2, I understand that schmidtm1010 is merely stating his point of views, which I repeatedly expressed, howevevr he claims that his points are "the truth about homosexuality". I believe I've watched all of couver87's videos and correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't recall him claiming that he is right ot that his is the truth. I am not blaming schmidtm1010 for stating his point of views, its only fair that we all have our own opinions....
shadowlight82 10 months ago
I just had my 1 year anniversary! My boyfriend and I are monogamous, and I love him deeply!
dvrman123 10 months ago
this video hits a such a valid point, i feel that most gay people r seen as promiscuous because the ones that everyone see r the ones that flaunt their promiscuity, i just watched a show the other day where a gay man was generalizing about other gay men and stereotyping, its just tragic that people r so narrow minded, even about themselves
liggaarr88 10 months ago
@schmidtm1010 So before you point fingers & check others be sure to check yourself first... couver87 is not pushing others to listen unlike what you are doing. If you do not agree with his views then DON'T watch his videos.... its that simple. If God trust us to make our own decisions instead of making us all think the same way, should't you do the same? So be it religious or personal point of views.... BACK OFF!!! We do not need you to dictate where & how our lives should be heading...
shadowlight82 10 months ago
@schmidtm1010 So STOP forcing your personal opinions onto others, your father is str8 now & happy then good for your family... you want some acknowledgement? YAY!!! for you happy?... stop forcing it onto us. Couver87 has never forced anyone to be gay, he is merely sharing his personal perspectve on things, should others disagree, then so be it.... but you "FORCE" people to listen to you by caiming its the "TRUTH" which you yourself have not been through so who are you to claim it so?
shadowlight82 10 months ago
@schmidtm1010 Just because your father is happy being "str8" now doesn't mean everyone should follow in his footsteps.... like i mentioned before what works for him may not work for others.... just like there are people who are happier after converting religions..... does that mean you should follow & forsake your religion? NO.... and we dont expect you to, coz we respect you & we respect your decisions & do not claim our point of view to be the "TRUTH" & start forcing our opinions onto others
shadowlight82 10 months ago
@schmidtm1010 and please STOP claiming you are spreading the "TRUTH" about homosexuality... coz that is NOT TRUE.... how can you know its the truth when you have not gone trough it? what your father has gone through does not make you all knowing, if your dad is a doctor & you have not studied to be a doctor then YOU ARE NOT A DOCTOR... not matter how much he shares with you, its that simple. What you are speaking is from YOUR PERSONAL perspective. WE disagree so therefore it is NOT the TRUTH.
shadowlight82 10 months ago
@schmidtm1010 The person who needs a wake up call is you schmidtm1010. I've said it before, what makes me happy may not make you happy & vice versa. Same goes to your father, if he is happier as a straight man, so be it... it works for him, that doesn't mean it is the same for everybody. I for one am happy for my 8 years of relationship, you don't see me asking your father to turn gay again coz what makes me happy may not make him happy!!!
shadowlight82 10 months ago
@schmidtm1010 You're nothing but a troll. You can't play these shame game with why should I feel ashamned being myself when you are just ignorant.
MrRyukage 10 months ago
"...that our relationship seems to be beautiful." Yeah, there is definitely nothing beautiul about two guys porking each other in the ass.
klugheit3 10 months ago
I live in Canada and am incredibly jealous of the weather you get to enjoy in Arizona :P
Mrwoohoo2 10 months ago
@schmidtm1010 First & foremost , here's a harsh reality schmidtm1010.... I have been in a manogamous relationship for 8 years and counting... and we are still happy together, so there.... I hope you keep your good money before you loose it.
Though I can't speak for couver87, I personally feel he has no need to acknowledge the study's conclusion.... Coz cleaerly its not 100% accurate, so why should he acknowledge something that is not true?
shadowlight82 10 months ago
@schmidtm1010 I really don't understand your constant badgering about our lives, and our sexual preference. Regardless of your 'personal interest'.. Couldn't you go about it in a more positive way? Instead of trying to put more negativity and hatred on the internet? And talking about betting money on our relationship? Sick. You really need to quit projecting your own fears onto other people. It's really pathetic.
zachariahgriffin 10 months ago
@zachariahgriffin Haha zachariahgriffin.... schmidmt1010 said ".....maybe I'll believe monogamy among gay people is possible. But I will bet good money on that not happening." you should give him ur account no, coz he LOST, I just told him Monogamy is not only possible but its true My partner & I have been together monogamously & happily for 8 years & still counting even longer than the "study" which took 5 years... so yeah schmidtm1010, you have lost your "good money". care to pay up? ;p
shadowlight82 10 months ago
@schmidtm1010 Your comments suggest not a devotion to scientific data but a keen desire to heap abuse on @couver87. Who and what are we comparing here? There have been a handful of surveys of small numbers of gay couples in a few urban areas: yielding very differing, inconsistent results. That's all. For a meaningful comparison, we would require matching comprehensive studies of diverse, equally-positioned gay & straight populations over a long period of time. Sorry, no such body of data exists.
jarabaa 10 months ago
Ser monogamo es nuestra opcion, depende de la manera en la que nos criaron, y no puedo estar mas de ecuardo contigo de que si es posible en parejas del mismo sexo ser monogamos.
diegonaranjo1414 10 months ago
I like what you say. But I differ with you on one thing. You say that people are homophobic because gay people (in fact, only gay men - not lesbians) are portrayed as sluttish, promiscuous, on drugs etc. But isn't the opposite true? It's when gay men are shown as being in love, committed, monogamous, interested in being married - unfortunately, that is when the "religious" people in particular go wild - that is the context in which people express their hatred of gay men.
jarabaa 10 months ago
I loved this longer video and I do hope your future ones are just as long as your views and advice are way too valuable to be presented in short videos :)
The troll that commented on your video needs to acquire their data from proper research as that ''study'' that was done on the alleged 100 gay couples sounds both biased and flawed! The idiot should also use science instead of prejudice to form conclusions about us. Homosexuality is NO LONGER considered by scientists as a mental disorder!
Enigma1990ad 10 months ago
You look very handsome with that hairstyle and the clean shaven look :)
Fidelity has absolutely NOTHING to do with sexual orientation but has EVERYTHING to do with how someone was raised i.e. the morals, principles and standards thought by one's parents / guardians.
I too am sick of hearing that all gay guys are promiscuous and that all men are horny and that we are the overly sexually active sex / gender. That is FALSE!
Sexual orientation is via nature and sexual behaviour is via nurture!!!
Enigma1990ad 10 months ago
Beatiful words! :)
cardoman87 10 months ago
Your topic today is one that grows endless intelligent debate. What lengthly comments to come so fast! Pardon me, but I was wondering, why does your RIGHT EAR look like its MELTING off?
jdispensa 10 months ago
This month happens to be LGBT awareness month... I hope you can do videos for that...
also, people see that gays are in polyamorous relationships, but they don't see that straight people do the same thing... all the time... maybe even more often than the gay community...
spartandisturbed117 10 months ago
The issue is simpler. Gays are men. Men, straight and gay, are very sex-oriented and tend to be promiscuous, women are promiscuity-stoppers. So gay men like both the same, straight guys have a problem. So we look more promiscuous but we are not more promiscuous than straight guys would like to be. So we live the straight man's dream. Should we give up our way of life coz for them it is just a dream? Do we have to live by the law of their limitations? Just to put it all in context.
steviejongh 10 months ago
Thank you for a wonderfully positive and supportive video. To continue the stereo-types, all the gays in the study were raised Republicans as they were raise hypocrites and haters.
Gays, unfortunately, are under greater stress and bias than any other minority group. Minority groups have always been portrayed as inferior, with distrust and with all negative values that the majority can think so that they lose power and the impetus to change the world for the better.
RandMcM 11 months ago
I feel the need to say that equality shouldn't only be given or granted because homosexuals are or aren't viewed as promiscuous and maintain monogamy, nor should not maintaining monogamy make a person seem like they're amoral. I know that's not the point you're making but it can easily come across that way.
SurfwaxMax 11 months ago
i think monogamy depends on the characteristics of a person rather than on sexual preference. There are people who are innately monogamous and there are others that are really not even if they try hard to be.
stanbalo 11 months ago
Good for you standing up for what you believe in. I hate when people compartmentalise things (what you were saying about people seeing things as black or white) whereas, in my opinion, typically everything is a shade of grey.
Also, when people connect things, they tend to forget about the contexts and that things change over time.
You put your points across really well.
JSaintDynamiteX 11 months ago
I enjoy your views on monogomy, wish I had this openess when if was a teenager im 58 years old, and it was very difficult to live together with a man, I married at 24 and came out at 44. It is true their are sluts str8t or gay. its ther person not the group as a whole. r.
kronitz52 11 months ago
i totally agree and LOL U HAVE HAD A SHAVE :) LOVE IT :D STAY HAPPY XX
MickyBlackett 11 months ago
mmm, with my comment here below i am the minority here! that makes me feel happy, a position ik know well. I guess I will have to make a video response in which i protest against this trend of (probably shy) gay role model boys who dis fellow gays who don't fit their mould and for the matter the straight mould. Ever considered the possibility that many gays enjoy their lives the way they live it?
steviejongh 11 months ago
Now let's compare that data to 100 straight couples, I bet the results would be the same...or maybe not since people like to alter the truth/information to deceive people and propagandize. But like you said, it's so much more complex than what people try to make it. I would start to question if it's possible with straight couples seeing as how there are so many more divorces than lasting marriages.
flodroppa 11 months ago
Hello... my name is... uh.....
calisuni 11 months ago 25
@calisuni That was a supid way of mocking.
christest15 11 months ago
@calisuni LOL- I will admit it...I almost forgot my name.
Couver87 11 months ago 13
@Couver87 Someone got upset with me because I was mocking... lol. I just thought it was funny, because I think you were deciding whether or not to use your real name or your YouTube name.
calisuni 11 months ago
I love your ideas on monogamy.. I'm gay and monogamous.. it can be done!
copman109a 11 months ago 27
I totally agreed with you said in this video, how people automatically assume that because your homosexual you cannot have a monogamous relationship, you can i know quite a few same sex couples who were and still are monogamous. I also agree with you on how gay people are inaccurately portrayed on tv as weak and into fashion and all that, they are just feeding the stereotypes that everyone has about gay people and it doesn't help at all.
nick31991 11 months ago
i think its wonderful the way how u express ur feelings, ur just like me but maybe even better. i do believe one day gay ppl will be understood, accepted, and loved, i have faith in my ppl^^
aboodapaloozaSHOW 11 months ago
Ok I understand you statement about monogamy. I am the same way, I don't stray, would not think about cheating. But I must confess, we are of the minority. Your statement of being gay and cheating,
roblou62 11 months ago
well so many people have this view that I believe it is more of a idea than a real concept. I think a lot of gay men think that their partners will cheat, so they treat the relationship like that. I think it is foolish to attempt to be in a relationship and not give it your all. But sex is all it's about with some people.
roblou62 11 months ago
Deep down they want the real love, but they have seen so many tragic endings. Little do they realize that it is an effort and a commitment to have a successful relationship. It just doesn't happen by magic. If both parties are not committed it will not work. There is nothing wrong with stating your case, to say I want to be in a committed relationship,
roblou62 11 months ago
is this what you want? If not, move on, don't think you can change someone's view. It is a hard lesson to learn that a very small amount of relationships, homosexual or heterosexual are successful. It takes two people wanting to be committed. Sounds simple but it is very difficult to find because as with other things in life, the hard road is often not travelled. The wise person knows that anything worth anything is going to take some effort.
roblou62 11 months ago
Feminimity :P)
XTheOverseer 11 months ago
I know this one kid who is a feminine, slutty as fuck, drug addled annoyance, like the one who commented below me i fail to understand why he bothers with relationships when he just fucks everything that moves as is. On the flip side i know plenty of gay people (myself included) who have been and are in committed relationships and it angers me deeply that our entire demographic is stereotyped as the former as opposed to the latter, hell more straight people i know act like the former (minus the
XTheOverseer 11 months ago
If gay couple want to have open relationship... wouldn't it be better just to be single... I'm a young guy and I believe we do foolish and childish thing at this stage. Once we are grown up and having partner! YES I agree with you to be committed with our partner because we choose to be with that person and that person mean everything. Why cheat or be in a open relationship... just stay single!!! sorry if this comment makes you mad but my opinion and I totally agree with you. :D
slilbro 11 months ago
i won't say too much because you are so fucking cute but don't be too much of a model gay boy.who is everything straight people want us to be. For me gayyness has to do with counter-culture and not fitting the straight mould: we do things our way, certainly sex, and many of us like it wild. so what. you do what you want to do, and other gays seek the fun they like. and straights should think what they want, i don't care a fuck. kissie anyway, you make me melt.
steviejongh 11 months ago
definately think, stereotypes have made it harder,for gay men to come out,, or how str8 types who like same_sex, are attacked by gays, who choose to keep there life private,,
maleorder 11 months ago
If you scratch the surface of a stereotype, you'll usually find a kernel of truth. The fact is that many gay men, more than straight men in my experience, do struggle with substance abuse, sex addiction which comes from the low self-esteem many of us develop from difficulties we experience growing up being gay.
The second thing is that I think that because of simple biology, two guys might find it harder to be monogamous than say, to women.
disamjisa 11 months ago
@disamjisa The other points I'd make is that I tend to play the field a bit more than my straight friends, when I'm not in a relationship. When I'm in a relationship, I have no problems being monogamous. There's also a lot of serial monogamy in the gay community, I have noticed.
I think that gay relationships often don't have certain things like being married or having kids that tends to keep straight couples together, even if they're unhappy in that relationship.
disamjisa 11 months ago
@disamjisa This isn't to say that male homosexuality is bad, or inferior, just that its different; it has different difficulties than straight relationships, different dynamics within relationships, and tend to be much willing to settle and have a "grass is greener" mentality.
My personal view is that sometimes its better just to settle, if for just one reason; who wants to be old and alone? If you slut around your whole life, you're much more likely to end up in that predicament.
disamjisa 11 months ago
I profoundly AGREE with you. ^^
tospykid 11 months ago
I find you videos very interesting to watch, and I feel like I learn a lot by watching them. I have never been in a relationship with anyone before (although I personally am uncertain of my orientation), and I do not know any homosexual men. (My cousin is lesbian, but I don't know her that well and she lives far away; though, she is in a committed relationship.)
I suppose I never really had a formed opinion on this issue, but I agree that the media does tend to portray a certain, wrong view.
vistatrista7 11 months ago
Dude I just discovered this channel today, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!
fanoffallen 11 months ago
I absolutly love love love your videos!!! I'm 21, gay and slowly coming out to friends and family and your videos have helped tremendously. As for us homosexuals mogonomy IS real lol. there are homosexual men and women that want mogonomy and there are homosexuals that are completely promiscous (idk if thats right?). Just like there is in the heterosexual world. Just because we are homosexual doesnt mean we are different from hetros.
xXxzig02xXx 11 months ago
Personally, I have yet to be in a relationship. I didn't come out until I was 30. But, this isn't about me. I know three couples (that I can think of immediately) who have been in a committed relationship for 3 years; 13 years and 42 (yes, 42!) years! I think the Hetro world needs to move over and let the Gay world show 'em how it's done. Just my two cents. Thanks for continuing to make such awesome videos! Much love and hugs to you and Zechariah! =)
lwiesmann 11 months ago
i love you man i like the way you think, feel and how you portray yourself not just for yourself but for the likes of people like me its a shame were so far away because i could see us having such long indepth debates about the way we view the world and been gay, its a shame ( for us watching) that you havent the time to vlog as much ( although i am happy that your lifes so full and interesting) but i cant wait for your next vlog i hope your well and i hope zachs great too
love respect to both
DarkZener 11 months ago
I certainly don't believe there is a study where all 100 couples stay together over the period of 5 years. Let alone all 100 couples are not monogamous. And it just happens to be exactly 100 couples? I have no doubt this "survey" either does not exist, or there is something seriously unprofessional with the "survey".
Cyberacc 11 months ago
There are a lot of "junk science" studies out there. My partner and I have been together MONOGAMOUSLY for 20 years. We are not legally married here in Ohio..like most states it is not permitted. I think things will change when more gay people come out of the closet..to their friends..family..neighbors. Then..the adage that gay people are all crazy will be in the dust pan.
stoner829 11 months ago
I found this video a really interesting point of view. Thanks! I agree with what you're saying, and it's nice to hear that there are people out there who don't cheat!
betsy7404 11 months ago
being monogamous not being monogamy
McKeeverFever1988 11 months ago
Out of curiosity what do you think of the show Queer as Folk, the american version?
1Vella 11 months ago
You are amazing! :)
BTroyJ33 11 months ago
Gays can be monogamous, I know many examples. The 0% study mentioned is one I would like to analyze deeper, it already sounds like bad science. Monogamy is rewarding and builds character. I endorse it no matter one's sexuality.
That said, it sounds as if you are strongly against relationships that are not monogamous. As someone who understands the complexity of most situations, I'd suggest trying to understand what can make a non-monogamous relationship work, though the examples are few.
MyAul 11 months ago
more simpler... it is simpler... just had to point it out, sorry i am a bit of a grammar Nazi :)
bpsmith251 11 months ago
I love your videos. You always open my
mind to new ways of thinking and seeing life. Great job! Stay the happy positive person you are! :)
jutcybaby 11 months ago
Its really hard to do something that is later viewed as just stereotypical behavior. Statistics are great if you gamble, but they're shit when applied to a person's character.
All that stuff that guy says, is stupid, "all gays cheat", awe yeah, and straight couples don't,(what a croc.)
he's just another parrot repeating what he heard and is trying to make it valid by calling it a study. if he looked for loose guys that give it to anyone, sure, he'll find what he wants but not what it is.
whambamram 11 months ago
Did you do your hair in a new way? I like it! Sorry to get off topic. I'm gay but anyway, I love what you have to say in this video. I think that humans want to live their lives when they are younger and sometimes this means having sex with a lot of different people, I myself will most likely not do this. I agree with you about being monogamist, my father cheated on my mother and I don’t want to put my future lover though that. I will party but once I've found that guy i will stay true to him.
Kduncan3077 11 months ago
Fuck those stats! Haha did you know? 47% of statistics are made up as they are written down? ;) True story.
ThunderousWake 11 months ago
Watched and loved every minute! I wish I could speak as freely and flowing as you. My train of thought goes kaput after a minute, so I have a bunch of cuts in my videos!
I love your comment in that sexuality and commitment are two completely different things. It all has to do with the individual.
KindaGayBlog 11 months ago
Great video. My husband and I (we're both gay men) have been together for almost 16 years and are very happily monogamous. Wouldn't have it any other way. There are guys who cheat, and guys who are faithful. Nowadays you can find a statistic to justify or condemn just about anything...or you can even make one up, and most people wouldn't know the difference. I really don't think monogamy among gay men is that much of a rare thing.
chpoof 11 months ago
This kinda stuff is so ridiculous. The worst thing is when you hear it from gay people that are obviously looking for a way to justify their own infidelity. I plan to never cheat on a person in my life, I respect people's feelings too much to do that. I would value my partner's feelings and our relationship a lot more than my sexual urges.
Fr4yTheStrings 11 months ago
It always amazes me when people say homosexuals cant be monogamous but when you look at the divorce rate in this country we have over a 50% divorce rate and the leading cause of divorce is adultry so please tell me how straight people are more monogamous. I toataly agree it has nothing to do with sexual orientation but has everything to do with who you are as a person and what is important to you.
bradlyboy24 11 months ago 6
i really want to believe that men can be monogamous and i believe that if i guy is going to cheat he has to be in that mind set already of not wanting a relationship. I know i'm looking for a relationship and im gunna try my darn hardest to get one : P
mountgrace 11 months ago
i feel the problem is that most gays that seem to be fighting for gay rights and are seen by the public and get hurt by hate crimes are the ones one tv getting noticed to make that change are usually the "feminine gays" if all gays fought at the same time and remember i said usuaully it seemed to be the feminine one then we could shake this vision of gay men being weak girly types and people we see we can look just like anyone else
heartless666667 11 months ago
I have been in a relationship for 2 and a half years, and for anyone to say that it is NOT possible is bullshit! Commitment, trust, and being loyal to your partner,. gay, bisexual or straight..is the key to the relationship and for it to build. I can honestly say..no matter how bad things got..i would be willing to take the bad with the good. I could careless if society hates me, lol its of no concern to me.
TerranceVictor12 11 months ago
cont'd
I, like you, believe in committed monogamous relationships and feel that it is very important.
Thanks again for speaking out. You're an amazing person and a wonderful role model.
joeyparks1 11 months ago
I love how honest you are im glad our community has you to represent us!
beto2u 11 months ago
I am so glad that you posted this video. I completely agree with what you were saying and it, too, bothers me that people perceive that gay people cannot be in a committed monogamous relationship. Even though most of the stereotypes come from straight people that may not understand, it especially bothers me when fellow gay people follow in these footsteps and say that it's ok to play around because we're gay and that's what we're supposed to do.
joeyparks1 11 months ago
The people who misunderstood us, who hate us is not our problem, it's theirs. We should be happy and grateful for those who supported us, not be frustrated and upset with people who has a closed mind, because, John, our team is growing stronger day by day, and more and more stereotypes are diminishing , you will be surprised how many people actually agree with you. I, as many supporters of yours, had clicked the "Like" button.
bule0403 11 months ago
U inspire me to be a better person
94mocha94 11 months ago
I like how u talk about these thing and bring it to the youth. There are very few out there that are not into monogamy, not because they cant, its cause of a fear of being out the stereotype.(my opinion)
jedimgrey 11 months ago
I'm gay and cheating is against my morals or even nature. I would never cheat on anyone simply 'cause it's hurtful and selfish. If things don't work out in a relationship I think splitting up should be the right choice. Cheating wouldn't even cross my mind. I'm happy to have a boyfriend who thinks about cheating the same way I do, but I remember how hard it was to find a gay men who had such morals.
LukeBasarab 11 months ago
I totally agree! My partner and I will have been together in a monogamous relationship for 5 years in a few weeks. So I know it's possible to have that. And about the cliche gay lifestyle. Neither of us drink, take drugs, go to bars or clubs. So it all boils down to the individual and the choices that THEY make in THEIR life. Has nothing to do with sexuality!
dannylewin 11 months ago
I really have a problem with the clear implication that monogamous is the only good and valid form of relationship. My problem with this ideal like all other fundamentalist Christian ideals is they have no basis in reality. What is wrong is promiscuity? There is no on right way. Honest would be a good start.
walterwz 11 months ago
One study doesn't statistically prove much. Idunno, it's a human reductionist thing. There's so much that language can't interpret and once more people realize that different words have different definitions and colours and contexts (and accept that different concepts in the same sort of discussion can still be unrelated) we can have less misunderstanding. That may be too idealistic.
violabrain 11 months ago
One study doesn't statistically prove much. Idunno, it's a human reductionist thing. There's so much that language can't interpret and once more people realize that different words have different definitions and colours and contexts (and accept that different concepts in the same sort of discussion can still be unrelated) we can have less misunderstanding.
violabrain 11 months ago
im drawn to the emotional stuff more, and im extremly sensitive and emotional, which i think is why im drawn to that stuff more, though iv noticed tones of straight guys are drawn to me...rather than gay dont know why???
chrisbartley88 11 months ago
@chrisbartley88 also i dont shag the country... i dont want that its discusting, theres more ways of finding love with sum1 other than shagging evryone who crosses the path!!
chrisbartley88 11 months ago
i always thought that infidelity amongst gay couples would be around the same as heterosexual couples. being bi myself i always saw the whole gay people arent monogamous as grade A bullshit especially seeing some of the biggest gay bashers being caught cheating on their wives especially with other men. people need to realize we're human also and that we arent whores but people, like everyone else, who wants to live happily and find a bit of love
evb4mvp 11 months ago
Many heterosexual men and women, both, are not ACTUALLY monogomous in their relationships or marriages! Some are known and some aren't known, of course. I totally agree with you that commitment is both the source and the problem which offers up either the monogamy or non-monogamy equasion of any couple regardless of their sexuality! Commitment is a CHOICE, as you say ... based upon ones morals and ethics, (and determination). That choice always exists, and IS NOT tied to one's sexuality!
justanote7 11 months ago
I think that the problem with monogamy is that it about definations. A man is more likely to be visually stimulated. A woman is more likely to be emotionally stimulated. That is where the problem starts. A straight guy has to just overcome his eyes to get a woman. A gay guy has to overcome his eyes and the other guys eyes also. I also think that a guy has to want to put forth the effort to work on his short-falls.
rootbeerfan6 11 months ago
I agree - Fidelity and Sexual Orientation are two separate topics.
DrawLove 11 months ago
Hellz to the yeah! Preach it!
SereneFire88 11 months ago
I think that the problem with monogamy is that it about definations. A man is more likely to be visually stimulated. A woman is more likely to be emotionally stimulated. That is where the problem starts. A straight guy has to just overcome his eyes to get a woman. A gay guy has to overcome his eyes and the other guys eyes also.
rootbeerfan6 11 months ago
So, I'm "stereotypical" I love shopping, my voice is high, I like getting my hair done etc. But I'm also in a monogamous relationship. But isit bad for me to be "stereotypical" when I am that way but everyone tries to fight for more normal gay males to be on tv? Does that make me a bad person?
christaomon 11 months ago
Also, talking about the stereotypes and how it is hard for people to come out. I think a big factor in that is, how the media portrays gays, as well as the qualities that are associated with the stereotype of being gay. You feel that if you come out, you are going to become that stereotype and you'll take on those qualities. However, you can still be who you are and be gay, you don't have to change. Just be yourself :)
eziegler1991 11 months ago
love the video (:
AbsinthePunk 11 months ago
Agree!
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 months and we're happy, committed and monogamous. We're both almost-fully out, we're young and in college, but we make our relationship work, even with being 45 mins away from each other. Sure there is temptation (especially at clubs), but honestly, cheating would not even be worth it. Would you really want to risk the relationship that you have for some small fling with a hot guy who probably has nothing more to him then his looks? I wouldn't.
eziegler1991 11 months ago
Most polyamorous people I know are straight or bi, not gay.
The way I see it, people's obsession with monogamy boils down to patriarchy and paternity. Now that we have feminism and DNA paternity tests, monogamy is slowly becoming far more optional, as long as all parties involved consent. There's a definite difference between polyamory and cheating, and the difference is honesty.
kittyeggrolls 11 months ago
:) Medium-term subscriber and fan... a heterosexual one fyi. I don't mean this as an insult, since I regard you as a very attractive guy... I'd happily swap appearances... but you realize you do have some feminine qualities, right? You mentioned you didn't like how gays are portrayed on TV, etc., as having feminine qualities. Well obviously some don't, but there are factors like mannerisms, voice, justiculation, which are elevated and identifiable as gay traits. Just saying, based in fact.
OrthodoxAtheist 11 months ago
83 degrees is a great weather temperature.
dannysimion 11 months ago
It happens to me that people think that because I'm gay I'm not gonna be able to form a family, that it's just a "straight thing", even when most straight people nowadays end up divorced because of cheating or any other situations. I can't stand people that say that gay people should be drunken-dancing sluts. It makes no sense at all
theunexpectedplan 11 months ago
Can I be your bestfriend? *hugs*
DruLockhart 11 months ago
I am an actor; I work primarily in the theatre.
If you believe what everyone who comes backstage after the show tell you (family, friends, supporters) you are going to leave the theatre walking on air.
Of course, the people who didn't like it just get in their cars and go home.
You are right to accept the good and ignore the bad.
The internet gives license to the venting of hate and negativity.
Your message is always positive and loving.
I value your contribution here so much.
THANK YOU!!!
oldclown 11 months ago
may be there are gay and notgay persons and monogamy and notmonogamy persons
illusion9281 11 months ago
pool?...jerk
PrairieBoy78 11 months ago