Annual Valentine's Day Stoning Of Happy Couple Held

[Choirathlete]

I'm so glad that we can joke about this in America. Similar things actually happen in countries such as Iran and Afghanistan.

[mgnl7]

"jaynie was recently dumped by her boyfriend in a text message and that was on the same day her best friend got married" *ugly ass women appears who gets to throw the first stone* Onion news is the fucking best, dead on.

[Serouisly]

I live in fort Collins and it looks nothing like that haha. Im glad nobody cares

[jbjindra]

I know a couple just like this. Yet, I don't want to kill them because in some sad way their sickening love for eachother makes me happy. It reminds me that love can happen to people.

[MrOlson82]

@jbjindra wow isn't that sweet, now can you tell me where the y live so I can stone them to death right after i punch your teeth into the back of throat

[limetheleamer]

get em jaynie

[B0oR4dl3y]

my roomate and his gf are just like this, SOOOOO annoying. She's constantly in our dorm room and she's really funky looking

[buffyslayer30]

good stuff right here.

[iekooo11]

Hey, I live in Fort Collins, Colorado! Hooray for public stoning!

[intra999999]

People from this town are such a haters. Go to hell stoners

[10INTM]

@intra999999 Uhh...you know it's not real, right?

[YourRoadToHell]

@intra999999 i a totally agree with the you! jking... sorry you were born stupid bro

[mrshickadance25]

There is no love in the world, there is only pain...

[VampiraFairie]

This video was posted on my facebook, and my glasses are broken so I couldn't see well. I thought, 'this seems like it's from The Onion.' Oh wait.. It is..

[7GGonzalez]

I read anal's valantine's

[MintMovies]

@wwwpwndcom You are a seriously disturbed creature if you honestly think rape is a good course of action. Even if you're not serious, it is NOT funny.

[orlandojames33]

2:02 is hilarious

[Pooper2471]

As a now single man, I found this video hilarious to watch.

[chrize08]

Who will we stone this time?! ANOTHER STONING OF A HAPPY COUPLE PLEEEASE. :d

[we2todd2did]

:)

[chaosrave]

this is so fake.. those were bricks not stones

[goldlogs]

@chaosrave

They did say bricks... Watch it again, and it is true.

[IGNentertainmenI]

@chaosrave its real my friend.

[spitzbubezumquadrat]

damn that was a little too hardcore lol

[AnObviousFailure]

hahahaha Jim's face when he turns around at the end is just fucking priceless!

[heyharit]

that's how I'd like to go

[TheSuferwell]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Feaisian]

Oh I can't wait to see who will get stoned this year!

[Theespada13]

I wish I could be part of that circle to stone the couple.

[Hjtrne]

Was that Stars Hollow? Or do all american small towns just like exactly alike?

[zelatoth]

if there's one thing i could get around on valentine's day it's this.

[Taraalcar]

I may be in a happy relationship, but this is one tradition I can really get behind. STONE 'EM! :D

[VoidMaid]

*Wiping away tears of laughter and joy*

I sometimes think the Onion captures the human condition better than Shakespeare.

[NoTrueFace1]

damn. I'm in a happy relationship and I still wanted to stone them after that voicemail.

[AdmiralBetas]

Oh come on, stoning's a little extreme isn't it?

*Sees 1:27*

....I hope they enjoy each other's company in hell.

[HO1ySh33t]

@AdmiralBetas But that's so cute ;)

[ZenSeizure]

This is INHUMANE. Just give them the Depressant pills from the other news report.

[SuperTinkerDan]

Am I the only one who thought of The Lottery?

[holykarmor]

@SuperTinkerDan I'm pretty sure that The Lottery is the inspiration for this

[Kitschensyngk]

Why just use stones? I'd have brought a lead pipe!

[jibberingjon]

@Kitschensyngk That takes the sport out of it.

[TheYouwontgetit]

i hope they were murdered horribly... ...i really hate them after watching this video... ...it was a very good choice to kill exactly this couple...

[Sei1863]

@TheYouwontgetit I'd rather kill people like you who substitute ellipses for adult grammar. That's way more repulsive than two people in love.

[TheYouwontgetit]

@Sei1863 ...do it...!!!

[BiGJoEMo]

haha, this is cute. This is cute. 

[DARKROSE9090]

Hhhhhhhh it´s on excuse me tracy I wanna get In there myself. Go get ´em hhhhhh

[footballer4life22]

what this is fake! thats not fort collins!

[emiliamandaza]

stupid f****kin happy couples.... they make me sick!!! corny ass voice mail messages... nauseating

[dancefreak3980]

@corwin11412 well it was a fucking question you're obviously not certified to answer. 

[dancefreak3980]

is this real...

[corwin11412]

@dancefreak3980 Well what the fuck do you think?

[DarkZerkerX]

@dancefreak3980 Yes, of course this is real! This is the Onion News Network with completely factual advice like the FDA Official saying to just eat a goddamn vegetable or that brave, patriotic teen that failed Spanish class!

[AirrickakaEric]

@dancefreak3980 Yes.

[ICE117649]

@dancefreak3980

It's real

[wwwpwndcom]

Stones would kill too fast.. I'd rather beat the fuck to death but not before raping and killing his girlfriend right in front of his eyes. I'd stomp her skull in for good measure, just to see his reaction.

[Nic1395]

@wwwpwndcom hows therapy going

[JSasRays]

@wwwpwndcom holy fucking hell. idc if that was a joke. youre a piece of shit. what kind of sad pathetic fuck even says something like that

[CaseClosedDub]

@wwwpwndcom That's.... pretty jacked up, dude. O.O;;; Um... may I suggest psychiatric attention? And... a lot of it? O_O Joke or not that's... pretty sick.

[SupaTROopa2]

@wwwpwndcom I know that feeling man. Good on you, showing support for the effort.

[Nunziohotpants]

maaan this should be true. I live in Loveland Colorado, we'd stone those loosers good

[DarkPanthera]

Oh my god! They killed Ben and Allison!

You bastards!

[emiliamandaza]

@DarkPanthera hahahahaha gud one...

[farneyblakeley]

why the Brooke Alverez introduction, Today Now doesn't need any interference from her dammit

[MrSpemat]

"go get 'em Jim"

[013futuremarine]

YOU BASTARDS KILLED MY SON!!!!

[superwaffle28]

HOLY CRAP! my brother lives in Fort Collins! :D

[onca51]

@blackbirdphotography stfu

[2Foxxy4U]

That actually looked like it hurt! Onion, you've astounded me with your ability to make videos that are just so heartwarmingly twisted, you just can't look away! Kudos!

[100PercentTHCfilms]

rofl at how ppl think this is real XD

[Monxy100]

Such a nice tradition... Now I know why there are so many illegal immigrants.

[linktoworld]

wtf is this?

[Headsetphobias]

ahh... I love the onion, dark humor is hilarious

[lordnuck33]

is this legal?

[RawringBean]

@lordnuck33 yeah!

[blackbirdphotography]

God punishes all sinners, you that ridicule His way shall burn in everlasting fire for an eternity. Just as the Lamb unto the wolf so shall the meek rise up and take hold of the reins of the chariot. Remember, before before Erin begat Joshua, Erin knew John as a man knows a woman. You will recant in your pit of fire!

[dbloodline]

stoning a couple because they are happy ? LMAOOOO....

[gesres]

I find this video horrifying. Making jokes about stoning people to death? Not funny.

[rowanrockhopper2]

@gesres yeah , agreed...i'd like to think it was a commentary on the absurdity of where this still happens to people who are similarly just being themselves.. Still, gotta love the onion for doing its thing.

[kenrben]

@gesres Yeah the Onion gets pretty hardcore at times.. But human-kind is pretty fucked up so might as well have a good twisted laugh..Don't take this shit too seriously...seriously.

[PimpMyParadigm]

if only our country was a THEOCRACY *sigh

[MastaHuey]

Lol its GeoHot And his GF lol

[pervysage35]

i wish this were a real event, because i would be first in line, with a gigantic boulder 3 times my weight.

[chairbluepen]

not fair, I can't help if i love my babes

[dogarilla]

Gross! My brother and his girlfriend are just like that!

[Elyzater]

reminds me of the short story "The Lottery".

[jdfhgjhdf]

@Elyzater  yes exactly what i thought!

[theshninja]

They probably thought they were there to smoke some weed...

[Knowwon249]

Even though is was a "fake" alternating message, so to speak, it still annoying as fuck to me. I'd hate to discover how I'd react if I ever called a number and heard that shit.



[HungBaThienHa16]

@s032656a that your question contains length and time is evidence that your mind is constrained by the physical realm. weak.

[AminorArpeggio]

Kind of like the short story, "The Lottery" haha

[Elyzater]

@AminorArpeggio ahhh i just posted that too lol, I agree.

[APetulantWhiteGuy]

A world where disgustingly happy couples get stoned to death on Valentine's Day is a world I'd like to live in.

[HungBaThienHa16]

the Christian God is weak! Takes him 6 days to create the world???

A competent god should be able to manipulate space and time. So, I suggest a stronger wizard to pray to when times get tough, after all, you are useless alone in those times of hardship.

[MrBmgbmg16]

@Fascist8 Oh, you're one of those? I've been kicked out of Churches. I've decided to stay way from religion. I'm a bisexual, you guys don't support me.

[MrBmgbmg16]

@Fascist8 Sex is healthy. It shows that you're lacking it.

[Dreamcaseal]

Girlfriend just dumped me after a considerably long relationship. Turned out she was just bored and away from her friends and didn't really love me. As soon as she moved back to her old town she dumped me and turned into a wild sex addict obsessed with tall thugs. Shoulda played it cool and maybe we coulda remained friends and I coulda got in on the action. Instead she didn't explain the situation and I snitched on her behavior and spammed her phone. Give me a stone.

[ayparillo]

@Fascist8

it must be a sad thing to care about god to the extent where sex is a problem, or any extent for that matter, but to still not believe it true love.

[defying1000]

I liked it.

[PanicPagoda]

If I watched a happy couple get stoned to death, I'd start to cry.

Because the joy I'd feel would be simply overwhelming. XD

[ladyvincenza]

That voicemail was just nauseating!

[yoyo94xo]

what the hell

[vames1986]

"WOOOO stone em"

"Go get em Jim"

LMAO

I love Tracy Gill And Jim Haggerty, we need more Today Now and less of Brooke!!!!!

[TilleyFedora]

STONE THE HAPPY COUPLE!!!! PUT THEM OUT OF OUR MISERY!!!!

Oh hold on, I've just become the taller half of a happy couple.

YOU DESPICABLE PEOPLE, HOW COULD YOU JOKE ABOUT STONING HAPPY COUPLES!!!!

[birthjunky]

This one ... and the "are we watching schizophrenics enough", "anonymous kidney donor" and the army "take your daughter to work day" are the funniest skits ever made. Double-plus good!

[bangonkalist]

wahahahaahaha! XD

[SKHSirNicolas]

I wish we could have stoned them all.^^

[LongJohnsonn]

Hahaha this reminds me of the short story "The Lottery"

[mexfrank123]

@LongJohnsonn holy shit man! i was thinking of that myself!

[LinksLilLover]

Go get em Jim!

[Renji9031]

I don't need to be in a happy relationship to get stoned on valentines day.

[iwillfor]

@Renji9031 well said.

[esplin227]

@Renji9031 Awesome. Just... awesome.

[TheStreamer23]

i just broke up with my boyfriend and glad it turned out he was a fag and he hacked into my facebook and msn! shit guy

[Funaru]

If there was islamic sharia law in the US, it would be just like this - just without the black humour; plus the anchorwomen would have to wear penguin costumes (burkas) - if there were any anchorwomen at all.

[ScypaxPictures]

I laughed so hard at the end. XD "I'm going to go get in there myself!" "Go get 'em Jim!"

[KiaOra53]

Whoa - sharp :)

[bean645]

This is ridiculous and stupid. What is wrong with people. No one deserves to make a terrible voicemail like that.

[0091red]

I so want to participate in this!!!

[patbj13]

phillyD: what the fuck white people >.<

[funun2]

247 people are in happy relationships...STONE THEM

[sickofthewest]

@tunawrangler1 You probably didn't think I'd be clever enough to notice it, but I can see ur coment is jus a trick to get me 2 say "Isn't being stoned a punishment?"

But I ant gona fall 4 that nowise

[drawswithcrayon]

If only they knew what would happen if they recorded their voices alternating like that....

[solidkundi]

FUCK!!! this is fucking sick..... i hate that voicemail!!!

[ChaoticMatters]

lol that's too funny

[Ichigo9913]

i've been to fort collins lol

[trichinosis333]

i just became "that guy". i accidentally hit the dislike button while aiming for the like button :(

[deathinabox777]

@trichinosis333 The rating system is like the star system back in the day... If you think you previous rate of 3 stars need to be 5, click it again to 5.... so just click the like button again

[NoTrueFace1]

@deathinabox777

considering the previous rating is sort of chearting, and giving 5 stars easily fucks things up too. that's part of why they got rid of the system.

[mseales]

123 couples deserve a good stoning.

[graceman25]

You have a great command of culture and the human heart. May God continue to use you to help us all.

[MyRkAcc]

This can't be more real,this is where FOX get their news from after all.

[arashogfar]

TheOnion is fake guys??

[ICE117649]

@arashogfar

No

[jupeto]

WTF! is this fucking true? that's gonna be the hellest day of that freaking couple...

[BIILYBOB999]

@jupeto but the best day for everybody else!!! also... this is unfortunetely not true....

[hellondoth]

what the hell is going on here??!!

[OrdiHazt]

WTF ? LOL

[phyphy2207]

its crazy, i thought the stone used was a small one. but its so big.

[susieecool]

I get it, but I don't think violence is funny, nor hate.

[Super16BitGamer]

@susieecool and its people like you which is why we have the onion

[amernice]

stop steeling ideas from Muslims assholes

and please cunts do it correctly

it is more fun to have their blood splashing in your face

[sickofthewest]

This is awful!! The poor dears!! How could anyone even think of such a vicious custom?? Surely this is a crime?

[tunawrangler1]

@sickofthewest How is this a crime? This is a tradition, people get punished for crimes like being perfect couples, not stoning them.

[DerOrk]

stop spoiling it for the tards out there

[Fuckutube547465]

did they die?

[LouiiAndKass]

Is this real :O?

-Just asking

[RazorJT]

lol

[Skulll9000]

@kainniak1 If you press "ctrl+Shift" then click the question mark you should be able to make the "é". I'm sorry but when you write "cleshay" it makes it look like you don't know how to spell it (Duh). Writing cliche without the accent would have also been acceptable.

[Bagonad]

Featured video = Thusands of people who dosen't know the onion and thinks this is real.

[PullusPardus]

Is this the real life?

is it just fantasy?

[LlednarJediMaster69]

you americans dont know stoning :P

[clodiakary]

waw!! c'est brutal ca!!

[MisterMeAlexis]

omg, this is stupid. Why did I watched this?

[Olsaien]

@ZackInTheCube Cool :D

[TiffanyCullen]

omg people think this is real?!!! haha, it's funny anyway!

[abeezss4]

thats horriblle!

[thesuevue]

"&of course we wish we can stone them all" LOL

[culwin]

All the people asking if it is real... are not serious.

How ironic.

[iRoYaLTyHD]

This is Gay and not funny at all !

[RyanEJohnson]

I like the beginning when it say "this is the Onion News Network, an impenetrable barrier against deception."

[omfg24days]

it's funny coz it could be real in some places of the stats O.o

[bugfacedog44]

Is it bad that I've purposely said "Is this real?" in like 30 onion videos just to see the responses?

[gavinC72]

@bugfacedog44 hahah nice i always thought of doing that

[Olsaien]

The Onion need to be a tv channel!

[AwsmUsername]

Is this like for real?

[africanjupiter]

now what kind of joke is that?